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Family Matters:  Adoption PURPLES - UPDATE 2/9/11  |
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Mama Jewel
True Blue Farmgirl
435 Posts
Jewel
Sweet Peas Farmette,
Bend, OR
USA
435 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 16 2010 : 10:25:16 AM
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Jessie, How exciting to see that there's more happening now with the agency & with them contacting you! My prayers are with you and we look forward to your next update 
Farm Girl Sister #1683 Living Simply & Naturally on our lil Sweet Peas Farmette
"Do Everything in Love." 1 Cor 14
http://www.piecemama.etsy.com |
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violetrose
True Blue Farmgirl
960 Posts
Ruth
Epworth
GA
USA
960 Posts |
Posted - Sep 17 2010 : 6:28:00 PM
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Hi Jessie, Just checking in to see if there was an update.
Ya'll are in my prayers.
Hugs, Ruth
Farmgirl Sister # 1738
God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us!
St. Augustine |
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JessieMae
True Blue Farmgirl
702 Posts
Jessie
Raleigh
North Carolina
USA
702 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2010 : 12:20:39 PM
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UPDATE:
We got the info for the little boy recommended by our C.W., but after reading it we've decided he is NOT a good fit for our family. So the search continues.
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
Edited by - JessieMae on Sep 19 2010 12:22:32 PM |
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Merry
True Blue Farmgirl
765 Posts
Merry
Ankeny
Iowa
USA
765 Posts |
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2010 : 2:30:30 PM
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prayers are with you. it is a wonderful thing you are doing since so many children do need a good home. try to be patient and it will work out. bev
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
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simplyflowers
True Blue Farmgirl
489 Posts
Jamie
Locust Grove
Virginia
USA
489 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2010 : 5:24:51 PM
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it will happen..... I will pray pray pray that you find that fit.
with hugs...
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison
Check out my blog!! http://thehappycalamity.blogspot.com/ |
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Singing Tree Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
196 Posts
Cari
Chase
Michigan
USA
196 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2010 : 5:53:03 PM
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Jessie, about 20? or so years ago, a couple from my church adopted two brothers, about 10-`12 yrs old, through Bethany Christian Services. They were told that there were no 'problems' with the boys, but when they went to meet them, the older ran out yelling, "Daddy, Daddy,", hugging the man, it was very obvious he did have some mental issues. This did not effect the couples desire to adopt the boys of course, but BCS was secretive and deceptive with the issue. I would just say, be careful.
My husband and I were only able to have two children and would like to adopt siblings some day. Your story is discouraging. Best wishes.
All of creation sings Your praise! |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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kiminca
Farmgirl in Training
21 Posts
Kim
Ontario
CA
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 07:38:04 AM
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Hi Jessie,
I have never posted before, but your adoption post caught me eye, and my heart. My husband and I diligently tried to have children for 12 years before we 'landed'. A couple of times I felt my sanity was wearing precariously thin--children were my heart's desire, being a mother was my dream career!
We began with Bethany too, but oddly my very secure husband was laid off as soon as our application was complete. It happened three times! He would get a new job, we would resubmit the application and then we would be laid off again--until all of our savings was gone--and the years dragged on. We submitted an application with a photo album to an agency in another state, we took in 3 kids one weekend whose mother was giving her kids away then changed her mind, we talked to people all the time who had adopted one way or another. It seemed endless and hopeless.
A friend began to pester me to talk to a social worker she knew who worked for a foster family agency. Finally I went to a presentation, and the social worker followed up to talk to us. She said what Bethany did to you, that there were no guarantees about foster kids--you couldn't know for sure that they wouldn't be given back. That night I told my husband that I couldn't do it, I couldn't handle any more loss. He said to me something that I love him for, "You can do whatever Jesus asks you to do." The next morning I went running. Like you, in anticipation of being a parent I had already cut my hours down to two days a week at work...I had time to run. Out there I began praying hard, I felt we were out of options. Our county was very hard line at the time and required you sign a paper agreeing to never pursue medical treatment for infertility again, we were out of money for private adoption, and fostering seemed too risky. The night before the social worker had told us many stories of children, and one she mentioned was a 13yr old boy named Joshua. She said she had just received '7 day notice' about him--that the foster family he was with was throwing him back. I was interested in an infant, as I had never parented before, so he just fell in with all of the other stories for me. However, as I was out running I felt "Joshua" drop into my heart. It was the weirdest thing, but I knew he was the one. I couldn't get home fast enough. I called my husband and told him I wanted Joshua, then I called the social worker. Never had a couple gone from application to child in home faster than us. That was 13yrs ago and he was been a great joy.
Two years later my husband felt the nudge for a little girl--and we got Linda who was 51/2, and six months later her older brother Gabriel 7, and her little sister Sarah 2. It was like the old tv show Please Don't Eat the Daisies around here. The best thing is how Joshua and the younger kids love each other.
My kids were abused and neglected so we have all had a lot of therapy from the fall out of their early lives. I know that it took 12yrs of infertility to prepare my heart for this experience, to make me willing to do it, and to see it through with peace and joy. I never looked back, never doubted. Even the mom of the younger kids said to me, "What if it was always meant for me to give birth to the kids and for you to raise them?".
The child, or children meant for you may be on their way--it could all just be a matter of timing. My heart breaks with you in your longing! It is a LONELY road. I will keep you in my prayers, and the children that are still waiting in the wings for you. Someone told us if you aren't given a child within a year try another agency, if someone in the office doesn't like you you could be in a dead end--where someone in another agency may love you and want to place a child with you immediately. Much love and shared tears, Kim |
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Cherime
True Blue Farmgirl
1222 Posts
Cherime
Wasilla
Alaska
USA
1222 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 10:03:40 AM
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I do not know what states they are in presently in the lower 48 but Benchmark Family Services is a faith based foster care agency. It is worth looking them up on the internet. I understand they have really good training and low case loads.
CMF |
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DvilleMama
True Blue Farmgirl
159 Posts
Lyn
Small Town
MI
USA
159 Posts |
Posted - Oct 10 2010 : 9:38:18 PM
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Hi Jessie, I just saw your story here. I thought about FB'ing you but it doesn't look like you go on it very often. I've heard that Bethany is very strict, moreso than other agencies because they are a Christian organization. We would never even be able to get an approved homestudy through Bethany because we've both been married and divorced in the past. Nevermind that we're Christian and run a Christian household. Guess the whole forgiveness of sins doesn't count. I am glad to read that you did send a profile and pics of you and your husband to MARE. This is important. Like us, it sounds like you're learning by trial and error in regards to how all of this works. We too have submitted requests for kids just to get that letter in the mail. We always follow up with our adoption worker to make sure she did her part. Once she sends everything to the child's worker, the child's worker has 21 days to decide if you're a match. I'd say that if 4 weeks pass & you haven't heard anything, it's not happening. Sadly, they don't inform you that it's not happening. It's just assumed. I'm probably fanatical about this, but once I've submitted for a waiting child, I check the MARE site daily. Under "View Photolistings", click onto "We've been matched" to see who's been matched each day. If my kid is up there & I haven't heard anything, I know it wasn't us who were matched. If you read the blurb with the picture, 9 out of 10 times these kids were matched with their foster families. I understand your not wanting to be a foster parent. I'll admit, it's heart wrenching to see the kids that you've loved and cared for go home. BUT there's a very good chance you've planted some seeds and gave that child tools to cope. Your hard work is not wasted. I told my CW what the PRIDE workers were all saying...in pretty much every class, the worker would say, "foster parenting is NOT the back door to adoption." My CW laughed and said, "Yes it is! They say that because they HAVE to." There's so much more I want to say but this is too long already. We're foster licensed. We will take kids to be just foster parents to. However, we search the MARE site every day, hoping, wishing, praying to bring these kids home. While my heart yearns for our forever family, I plan to keep it busy by helping kids who may or may not return home. In this world of adopting and fostering, life is uncertain. I'll take the chance of loving a child and enduring another heartbreak before letting my love and talents go to waste. At least I get to be a temporary mom while I wait for my forever kids. I have found a site that I go to often. Here, you can find tremendous support from other hopeful-adoptive parents who will "get you". I know what you mean about your family. They're supportive but they don't want to keep hearing about it. On this site, venting is the norm and so is support and encouragement. Check it out, www.adoption.com . From one Farmgirl Sister to another, from one hopeful-adoptive mom to another, your kids are out there. It may take awhile to bring them home. Don't give up hope, don't lose faith. They need you. It's just that nobody knows it yet. You know, you're still welcome to come to our Farmgirl meetings. I'd love to meet you. Also, I'll be in your neck of the woods on Nov. 5th. It's my turn to pick up our raw milk on this day. We could always meet for coffee and just talk. I've been told that I'm a pretty good listener. Think about it. :)
Lyn
Farmgirl Sister #1574
Mid-Michigan Farmgirl Chapter
http://simplelifeseeker.blogspot.com |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Oct 11 2010 : 3:19:19 PM
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I admire all of you so much for your bravery and the ability to keep hanging on. It is remarkable. I don't think I could do it as long or as well as you have. Would it be rude of me to ask a question? I was truly wondering what kind of effect this has on you personally and as a couple going through this gut wrenching process? Does it bring you closer together or can it cause problems? If I am being rude wondering about this, please forgive me. I am just so blown away by your determination and faith.
Hugs MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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DvilleMama
True Blue Farmgirl
159 Posts
Lyn
Small Town
MI
USA
159 Posts |
Posted - Oct 11 2010 : 7:09:43 PM
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Hi MJ, I can only speak for myself here. As far as the marriage goes, it can work either way, depending on the "mood of the day". My mood, that is. Some days I'm at peace with everything and all's right with the world. Other days, I'm anxious to fill our home and I inadvertantly take it out on my poor husband. Not in a horrible way. I'm just aggitated and nag more than usual. The bottom line is, we're on the same page in regards to adopting. I just need to be patient and wait for God to bring our kids home. As far as being a foster parent without any placements, I hope and pray every day that we get a call from our worker wanting to place kids with us. In retrospect, it's good that we're not getting the call. This means that kids aren't making their way into the foster system, which is good.
Lyn
Farmgirl Sister #1574
Mid-Michigan Farmgirl Chapter
http://simplelifeseeker.blogspot.com |
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JessieMae
True Blue Farmgirl
702 Posts
Jessie
Raleigh
North Carolina
USA
702 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2010 : 9:23:43 PM
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MJ, going through this has definitely been emotionally draining for me, but it has strengthened my marriage in unbelievable ways. Sometimes I have to work extra hard at keeping an upbeat attitude because it is very easy for me to slip into negativity. I always know when I'm getting too drained because I get very impatient, start blaming case workers instead of a broken system for our difficulties, and feel a strong urge to attack anyone I see who is a less-than-perfect parent to a child (i.e. attacking the mother with three kids in the line at the grocery store in front of me because she is buying too much pop and not enough veggies, or the woman holding a child in one hand and a cigarette in the other, etc.). My marriage is stronger now than it has ever been, though. My husband and I are a very good match when dealing with a crisis. It always seems if he is down and frustrated, I can support him back to normal, and vice-versa. I can't count how many time each of us has said, "Enough! I can't take anymore!" and then come back around when supported by the other.
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
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JessieMae
True Blue Farmgirl
702 Posts
Jessie
Raleigh
North Carolina
USA
702 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2010 : 9:29:37 PM
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Another update...we inquired about a little girl on the M.A.R.E. website and were given a preliminary approval. We just received her assessments today, and after reading them carefully (about 250 times!) we decided that she looks like a very good fit for us and immediately called our CW to let her know that we would like to continue to pursue her adoption. We are VERY GUARDEDLY optimistic. Now we are waiting...as always...to see if her social worker is willing to consider us and set up a meeting.
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
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Mama Jewel
True Blue Farmgirl
435 Posts
Jewel
Sweet Peas Farmette,
Bend, OR
USA
435 Posts |
Posted - Oct 15 2010 : 08:14:57 AM
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Ohhh, Jessie. I am there holding hope with you. Will be praying for you!! BTW, it was *wonderful* meeting with you last week! xoxo
Farm Girl Sister #1683 Living Simply & Naturally on our lil Sweet Peas Farmette
"Do Everything in Love." 1 Cor 14
http://www.piecemama.etsy.com |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Oct 15 2010 : 09:01:01 AM
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I want to thank you all for answering my qestion. I am glad that you and your husbands are so much on the same page with all this. I hope and pray each of you who so want these children get the opportunity to be parents. There are so many kids that need parents and love. I believe you will find each other.
Hugs and prayers MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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kiminca
Farmgirl in Training
21 Posts
Kim
Ontario
CA
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2010 : 06:31:56 AM
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Jessie I am so excited for you! Keep us posted! I understand your guardedness--but it seems the glaciers are melting!
Great anticipation and prayers!
Kim |
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JessieMae
True Blue Farmgirl
702 Posts
Jessie
Raleigh
North Carolina
USA
702 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2010 : 09:24:44 AM
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LATEST NEWS: Our CW just called...we have a meeting set up with both CWs and foster mom to discuss particulars in just 2 weeks! We were asked if we have at least a 99.9% intention to adopt this girl before we could proceed to the meeting, and when we said we did, they set it up! We also need to create a "welcome album" with photos of ourselves, our pets, our home, and close relatives as a "first gift" to her, for her CW to use to introduce us to her before our first face-to-face meeting. These are very good signs! 
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
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mtngirljon
True Blue Farmgirl
539 Posts
Jonnie
Webster
Texas
USA
539 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2010 : 10:03:00 AM
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Oh, MJ! What a blessing - my prayers are with you all!
Jonnie
Farmgirl #648
"Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows will fall behind you" - Maori Proverb
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delicia
True Blue Farmgirl
917 Posts
delicia
cincinnati
ohio
USA
917 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2010 : 1:05:36 PM
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| Jessie, I am so happy for you. |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2010 : 4:39:35 PM
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i have been following this thread. i am so happy for you all. let us know what happens sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farm girl #1014
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countrified_city_gurl
Farmgirl in Training
27 Posts
najia
heidelberg
Germany
27 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2010 : 3:28:46 PM
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Jessie...that is great news! (((Doing the happy dance for you!!))) I know the waiting felt like forever but when the right child comes along that door swings open with a quickness. lol The party is just starting however! ;) There will be lots of learning on everyone's part in the coming years. I know this having gone through an older child adoption myself.
For me, the hardest part emotionally about our adoption was the first couple of years post-adoption. We have a wonderful daughter but it took time for our family to click. I have heard over and over again a good rule of thumb is to expect as many years as a child has been without your home for them to completely integrate. Example: We adopted our daughter when she was 4 years old and it took about a good 4 years for us to work through many of the bumps in the road. It will all be worth it in the end and i am not trying to rain on anyone's parade. I just wanted to share in your joy and let you know you can always ask me about older child adoption experiences. :)
Najia, the countrified city girl! #2221
Maybe a person's time would be as well spent raising food as raising money to buy food. ~Frank A. Clark
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Oct 30 2010 : 04:26:52 AM
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I hear your frustration and you have every right to all of it. Whether or not this agency is on the up and up or not is not your responsibility to have to look into. We should be able to trust these agencies and it is crazy that everyone is not bending over backward to pave the way for you to give some of these children a chance at a life that will help them succeed.
I am so sorry for you heartache. I have to believe that everything is about to change for you and some lucky family of youngsters. I am sending you prayers and good thoughts. You are doing the right thing and that has to be rewarded eventually. Keep your chin up.
Marianne |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Oct 30 2010 : 04:35:23 AM
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Oops! Got a little ahead of myself and didn't get to the part where you are waiting with fingers crossed. Best wishes . . . add me to the list of many gals who are anxiously waiting to hear good news!
Marianne |
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Family Matters: Adoption PURPLES - UPDATE 2/9/11 |
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Adoption PURPLES - UPDATE 2/9/11
