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Family Matters:  Husband Problems  |
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primjillie
True Blue Farmgirl
138 Posts
Jill
Antelope
CA
USA
138 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 15 2007 : 3:14:06 PM
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| Shannon ~ I'm not saying you mentioned the "serious" abuse, I think it was another poster and I just don't understand the term. Your marriage is obviously not for everyone. However, if you are truly happy and would not mind if your daughters grew up and entered a marriage like yours, then more power to you. But just realize, that most people would not be happy living this way (including me), so your advice doesn't get received well. I do agree that most young people do take marriage too lightly. I cringe when I see young girls marry, have children, divorce, get married again, more children, etc. I know in CA there is a no fault divorce clause, so you don't even need a reason. On the other hand, I am a very independent person and if I wasn't happy in a marriage and had done everything I could to make it happy (happy for both of us, not just one), I would divorce even if there was no abuse or adultery. I always keep in mind that the good times should outweigh the bad times. |
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ArmyWifey
True Blue Farmgirl
712 Posts
Holly
Abilene
KS
712 Posts |
Posted - Feb 15 2007 : 4:57:02 PM
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I agree with Shannon. and just to clarify I didn't mean that all abuse isn't serious, just that not all abuse is serious enough to divorce over or even leave the house. Which I am sure will hack somebody else off but it's myho and I'm sticken to it! ;) There are times for seperation and for divorce and there are times to stay and work it out.
It seems to me that so much of the attitude is all about me -- what I want when I want it -- sound familar? maybe like a two year old?--- and not about loving hubby and putting his needs ahead of my own when necessary. No I'm not pointing fingers just saying what I see in soceity today.
Again.... I could have easily bailed on my marriage already. I mean let's see we got married, he went to basic, he went to Korea for 17 months -- meanwhile back at the ranch I was preggers and raising our eldest daughter on my own for the first two years of our marriage. I'm not kidding when I say we've been married 18years in April and he's been home like 9. But is that REALLY a reason for divorce? Two tours to Iraq, another tour to Korea, coming up on 12 moves, STRESS out the wazoo? Ummm no. Is it hard yeah sure ya bet ya! But would I trade it? Nope not for all the lessons the Lord has taught me through it.
To often when I get caught up in my needs is when life looks bleak but when I purposely step out and take care of others, my own problems don't look so bad. And that includes my husband! He works his booty off for this country and gets very little thanks so if that means that his affirmation and thanks comes from me than that's the way it's gotta be.
Please see my previous post on submission being a military term.
Holly
ps-- sorry if I sound annoyed, I am a bit that all my posts are being twisted or so it seems, but I am also sad about the state of marriage in our country and that so many women on this board seem to think it's fine. If I'm wrong about that then I'm wrong but I will not apologize for being a Christian or for beleiving that God can do anything even heal a seemingly hopeless marriage. Blessings to you all.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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Edited by - ArmyWifey on Feb 15 2007 5:06:13 PM |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Feb 15 2007 : 5:34:04 PM
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Holly - I'm sorry I offended you with the use of the "s" word. Reading back over what I wrote, I can see how you would take it the way you did, and I apologize, although I didn't mean it that way. I really was begging you NOT to be smug (in the future?) rather than saying you were (in the past)... Please forgive my slip. I wish I was as skilled as Mary Ann at getting my meaning across without being offensive, but I'm not, and that's just how it is, although I do try to improve. You're right it is difficult in this medium to give all the non-verbal cues to what you mean, including the tentative smiles and the hugs... Hope you forgive me?
I'm not sure who I was getting the condemnation vibe from, but I was sure feeling it. Glad to know it wasn't you.
Shannon -
You said -
"He works from sun up, til sun down, through the night, and for months straight with no days off sometimes. He is a hard working farmer, he deserves my respect and admiration and he has it."
I have to tell you that when I started dating the wonderful man who is now my husband it went like this:
I told a co-worker who was husband-shopping that I didn't have time to go looking for a husband, if I was ever to get married again, he would have to find me. And by the way, if you please God, let him be a farmer! Another guy who heard this was amazed, he went home and told his mother, who couldn't believe that anyone would want to marry a farmer. They had quite a big discussion in the office at my expense... I stuck to my guns, because I thought that a farmer would be someone who shared my values, and who would have been raised to believe in the same things I did.
And it wasn't even a week later that my future husband called me out of the blue on a business-related issue that required a short car trip. After our business was over, and he was driving me back to the plant, he mentioned that he was going to his farm for the weekend. Suddenly, my radar went on! Those darn DING DING DING bells were going off again, I quickly snuck a peak at his left hand and saw no ring! I made some discreet inquiries, found out he wasn't seeing anyone, and the rest is history.
One of his friends who is a minister invited us over a few months after we were married, and his wife asked me, "Did you pray for him?" I replied that I hadn't really thought of it that way, but I guess I did, and she said that we had her blessing, then. That when God sends your mate to you, nobody had better get in the way.
And she has certainly proven right. He is my soul mate. We enjoy a lot of the same things but have enough differences to keep it interesting. We work together on things like splitting wood and keeping the firebox filled up, and doing dishes, and putting in the garden. He does the mowing, and I do the picking, and he does the snowplowing, and I do the cooking, he does the chain saw and I do the shopping.... and we both pay a housekeeper to come and do the stuff we both hate like mopping and vacuuming and cleaning the toilets! We talk stuff over, and when we disagree, we can agree to disagree, without it affecting our relationship. And he comes home for dinner every night, when he's not driving home from halfway across the country, and he always says at the end "That was a good meal"... And I tell him every day and every night how thankful I am that God sent him to me.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
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primjillie
True Blue Farmgirl
138 Posts
Jill
Antelope
CA
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - Feb 15 2007 : 6:25:53 PM
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I don't see anyone here who is advocating divorce for little or no reason. Most of the women here have tried long and hard to make their marriages work, and sadly, not all marriages can be saved. It makes me sad to read the posts from others that think otherwise. It also makes me sad that some people think badly of the women that think of themselves. If we don't think of ourselves, who is going to? Not our young children, not our family who have we have banned from our family so they don't interfere with bonding with our husband, not our friends who we can't vent to because it might hurt our husband's ego, not our husband who we can't bother with our problems - so who does that leave? I believe if you look after yourself first, everyone and everything else falls in place. For example - on an airplane, the stewardesses always stress - put your own oxygen mask on first or you won't be able to help anyone. Does this mean you always have to get your way and pout if you don't? No it doesn't. It means that sometimes you get your way, sometimes your hubby gets it way, and most of the time the kids get their way! I don't know if I really have a point here - people have very different marriages and what works for one person doesn't work for another. But I would rather a women err on the side of her safety and her sanity than stick with a marriage and be unhappy most of her life (and set a bad example for our children's version of marriage).
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Love-in-a-Mist
True Blue Farmgirl
367 Posts
Shannon
Independence
Oregon
USA
367 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2007 : 07:04:12 AM
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Holly THANKYOU for standing by your husband and supporting him through military life. I can't even imagine all the sacrifices you have had to make to do this. I thank God that there are wives out there like you. And please thank your husband for his service. God Bless your family.
Shannon
Farmgirl and mother of 2 |
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ArmyWifey
True Blue Farmgirl
712 Posts
Holly
Abilene
KS
712 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2007 : 07:41:17 AM
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Thanks Shannon -- I hope it didn't sound like I was whining and fishing for compliments, it just chaps my hide at times! ;)
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2007 : 1:58:17 PM
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Holly, I was thinking of you this morning while I was at work. I know you must have had a lot of rough times with your husband away as much as half of your married life. It must be really hard to bear missing him so much, knowing what he is going through, and worrying constantly about his safety. You, and all the other wives of our military guys, really carry a big burden raising your family almost alone, and the whole country owes you a debt of gratitude for your sacrifices. At least you have the comfort of knowing that he would be with you if he could.
I was also pondering where exactly, in this thread, I got the uncomfortable feelings I was experiencing that I was being accused of not being a Christian. I wondered (without going back and finding the post again to quote it exactly) if maybe it was possibly because someone wrote something about the Christians advising "No divorce" and the non-religious people arguing for "divorce" and that Christine sounded like a religious person... and my point seemingly being missed, that sometimes divorce CAN be a Christian option. Maybe I am too sensitive based on previous experience in my "real" life!
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
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jo Thompson
True Blue Farmgirl
603 Posts
Jo
the mountainside of the Chugach
in Alaska
USA
603 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2007 : 6:16:47 PM
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brenda, love your blog, very easy to read, nicely organized!! To be honest, I get concerned sometimes, about a possible christian versus non christian sentiment. Frankly, I think it's becoming a national phenomenon. I really think it's important to see what connects us as opposed to what divides us............ I don't think any of us take the whole divorce thing lightly. In my middle years, I certainly see marriage in a different light than I did in my eager to please early years. Reverse puberty has a way of loosening your lip and not tolerating anything really from anybody.
So young lassies........ some of us oldsters are just a bit mouthier, more protective. We really want you to not make the mistakes that perhaps we gandered a long time back. We dream of happy, happy times, husbands who treat you to the delights that you are. These are difficult times for families. We may not be all christians here but we are loving, good people who wish the very best for each other, who are bound to this earth and want to protect it and everyone in it.
The snow is beginning to fall again today, may your fires keep you warm, and your love keep you happy..... jo
"life is drab without a lab"
http://homepage.mac.com/thomja/Anchorage/PhotoAlbum15.html |
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ponyexpress
True Blue Farmgirl
320 Posts
Sandy
Kirkwood
Missouri
USA
320 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2007 : 8:07:59 PM
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Reverse puberty -- I absolutely love the term! A new word for my limited vocabulary - Thanks, Jo!
I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age...but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty" |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2007 : 06:00:41 AM
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Jo, I've been reading Jim Wallace and Sojourner's magazine so perhaps I have become sensitized to the "Christian vs. non-Christian" thing - under our current political administration it seems almost that liberal and moderate Christians are not even considered Christians anymore, that only the conservative Christians get recognition as being Christian... wonder how that came about? You are so right we DO need to focus on how we are the same, not how we are different, or as you put it "what connects us rather than what divides us" - come to think of it that is a good rule to follow in our marriages also!
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
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ArmyWifey
True Blue Farmgirl
712 Posts
Holly
Abilene
KS
712 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2007 : 8:31:23 PM
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Thanks Brenda -- it hasn't been a picnic but it certainly has never been DULL! ;) While we were at Cabrillo NM in San Diego this weekend one of the Navy destroyers was on the way out and I was praying for the guys and their families. It's an honor to serve even on the days when I don't want to be an Army wife ANYMORE!!
Blessings to all
Holly
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2014 : 2:32:44 PM
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| Have just re-read this thread. Amazing. |
Edited by - Rosemary on Oct 09 2014 6:55:57 PM |
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Family Matters: Husband Problems |
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Husband Problems
