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Family Matters:  Husband Problems  |
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faithymom
True Blue Farmgirl
360 Posts
Faith
Sandpoint
ID
USA
360 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 22 2007 : 5:09:01 PM
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I think 'giving up' would be to break your vows because things aren't going the way you want them to.
Lots of things that we are asked to do don't make us 'happy'.
But we are supposed to do them because it is the right thing to do.
Lots of things that would make us feel 'happy' are wrong and we are wrong to do them, no matter how we feel about it.
Feelings alone are a very poor guide for life as they are ever-changing and not entirely reliable.
Sacrificing MY wants for the good of the marriage doesn't usually make me happy, but it is what I'm supposed to do regardless of how my husband responds to it. To do otherwise is to tie conditions to my love for him. "I'll love you IF..."
I am not turning this into a 'submissive' discussion, what I'm trying to say is that when promises are made, they should be kept and that marriage requires sacrificing for the other person for it to work...sacrifices that are worth anything are painful...
I will bow out as well, if you can show me where in the Bible it says that God wants us to be happy here on earth...
If you are arguing with the don't divorce unless abandoned, abused, or cheated on... well I didn't make that rule, so you'll have to argue with HIM...
"All television is educational television. The only question is, what is it teaching?"-Fmr. FCC Commissioner Nicholas Johnson |
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primjillie
True Blue Farmgirl
138 Posts
Jill
Antelope
CA
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2007 : 6:22:49 PM
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I am going to bow out because I don't want to get into a religious debate with you. I hope the poster looks into her heart and finds what is right to do for her and her peace of mind.
(reminder to self - stay out of these discussions and stick to the farm life discussions since I am too independent and strong willed!) |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2007 : 9:32:51 PM
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I do understand what Jill is saying. I have hesitated to post here because I, too, am "too close to the situation". I suffered 10 years in a verbally abusive marriage where I was trying to make it work, for the kids, for God, for everyone else... only to be put down, ignored, insulted, shouted at, left alone, etc. I tried to convince him to go to marriage counseling - he said "There's nothing wrong with me!" He ran up my credit cards (he had declared bankruptcy before I met him and had no credit of his own) and stayed out all night and sometimes all weekends. He was having a great time I and was supporting him and running the household. He even cashed in his 401-K to buy a Corvette for his girlfriend..
Our values were, in fact, different, as Christine stated about her husband. I was trying to be a "good Christian wife and mother" and he was living the high life, drinking, smoking, gambling, cheating people financially (LOL he was a used car salesman), and as I finally found out, being unfaithful to me. When I started fantasizing about pulling the trigger (on the gun I didn't own) I finally came to believe, as you mentioned, that God intends for us to "be happy" and be joyful..not thinking about committing murder of their spouse. So I asked him to move out of the house, and we got a divorce. St. Paul states in 1 Corinthians that if a Christian is married to a non-Christian (and people can in fact be called "Christians" without having Christ in their hearts) and the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so, in such a case the brother or sister is not bound. It is to peace that God has called you.... so in fact there is justification in the Bible for separation. I have read some fascinating studies on the history of the marriage ceremony and divorce in the Jewish/Roman era which perhaps has led me to a different conclusion about what the Bible has to say on this topic. The sin is not the divorce, the sin is the separation (or unfaithfulness on the part of one or both partners). The civil divorce simply recognizes what has already occurred in the spiritual marriage.
However, even with our different perspectives, I find much truth in what the other Brenda and Faith have said about doing your best to hold up your end of the marriage, even if from time to time he doesn't hold up his. I just don't think it should be taken to the extreme of being a doormat for emotional or physical abuse, no one has the right to keep you in that kind of a situation.
I don't know any of those things about Christine's husband and only Christine and her husband can decide what the right course of action is for them. Give it some time, but not if it becomes dangerous!
I was divorced for 10 years and then fell in love with my current husband who is absolutely the nicest man in the whole world. The biggest difference? He is a true Christian, heart and mind and soul. He is far from perfect but he keeps trying. We are from different faith traditions but we attend each other's worship services. We have our disagreements but we are true partners in every sense of the word.
As I told him, he can be the head of the household as long as he stays on the right path. If he starts to stray away, then I can no longer follow him. In other words he can be the leader as long as he goes the way I want to go!
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
Edited by - brightmeadow on Jan 22 2007 9:38:12 PM |
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Juliekay
True Blue Farmgirl
237 Posts
237 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2007 : 05:26:22 AM
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My two cents, again,
is that being a martyr for an ideal of a marriage is not going to make you or any of your children happy, the only person who';s happy in that situation is your husband LOL. Also, if you bring kids into an unhappy marriage, it's not going to make things better. If you dislike being responsible for everything now, just wait until you have kids and he won't help you. In fact, do you want to model the idea of marriage to your kids that it's okay for dad to berate mom and sit around on his duff? That women's role is to always sublimate their own needs for that of the marriage? Personally I would never raise my daughter to believe that. Do you want to look back on your life and regret the time you spent with him? You have to decide if there are enough pluses to make it worth it.
My husband and I have a traditional marriage in that I am a SAHM and he makes the money. Why? Because he can make the most, not because I think it's my job as a woman to do so. We try to approach our marriage as TEAMWORK. And I definitely don't martyr myself for the marriage. If something is not working out or I feel he is taking advantage of the traditional husband role and he's not doing his part, I let him know. Because I deserve respect as well as he does. And he is mature enough to hear it.
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Horseyrider
True Blue Farmgirl
1045 Posts
Mary Ann
Illinois
1045 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2007 : 10:24:52 AM
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JulieKay and Brenda, you speak the truth. I was a SAHM too, by choice. We have always worked together by consensus. I respect him, and he respects me. He makes the final decisions where he has the strengths, and I do where my strengths can shine.
I won't debate Scripture with anyone; we all have to do what our hearts tell us is right. But my heart tells me this is right about my life: If I had stayed with my first husband I would be dead now. I have to follow my conscience and heart too, and I will never submit to my husband for the sake of submission, but because he has earned my trust in his judgment. I left my first husband not because he was a batterer; I felt that was mine to deal with. I left him because I didn't want my eighteen month old daughter to grow up thinking this is how men treat women, and that this sort of behavior was acceptable. It was better to have NO father than THAT father. For the sake and safety of my daughters, I will be no man's doormat, nor will I ever allow a man to use Scripture as a stick to hit me with or to try and keep me in 'my place.'
And yes, I prayed on it daily for months before I left.
Our poster needs to search her heart and find her own personal truth. There have been many views presented here, and what works for me, or for Faith, might not work for her. I know that every one of us here wishes her the best, and to find God's peace as well as happiness. |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2007 : 10:43:22 AM
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Amen! Or You go girl!!!!
Take your pick ;)
Just think of all of the roads there are...all of the things I haven't seen....yet. |
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ArmyWifey
True Blue Farmgirl
712 Posts
Holly
Abilene
KS
712 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2007 : 10:51:59 AM
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Amen to what Faith and Brenda has said. God doesn't desire our happiness he desires our holiness and very often uses the people who bug us the most to bring it about. Showing your husband love when he doesn't deserve it is what it means to truly love. Nowehere in the Bible does it say that divorce is ok except for adultery -- although if he's trying to kill you that's a reason for seperation. Immaturity is not. Submission by the way is a military term which means to willingly rank oneself under another.......there can only be one commander. In our house we look at it as he's the commander and I'm the seargant major. A smart commander will consult his sgt's but he's responsible for the final decision to the world and to God. It helps me to remember what's going on when I get annoyed! ;)
It's not an easy row to hoe that's for sure but if you cling to the Lord and follow his ways -- even when they don't make sense -- it will work out.
hang in there!
Hugs,
Holly
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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Edited by - ArmyWifey on Jan 23 2007 5:29:38 PM |
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faithymom
True Blue Farmgirl
360 Posts
Faith
Sandpoint
ID
USA
360 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2007 : 12:44:53 PM
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It seems to me that whether you feel like a martyr and live a life of regret would be a result of your attitude.
If you cultivate an attitude of discontentment and thinking how much greener the grass is somewhere else, then you will be unhappy no matter how good or bad things are.
Whereas when you cultivate an attitude of gratitude, you are able to see and appreciate the good things in spite of the bad.
I don't see that anyone here is advocating 'doormat' status... or staying with abusive people...
Nor am I saying that Cristine's husband is right in how he's behaving...he's NOT upholding his end of the marriage.
All I am trying to get across is that marriage is supposed to be "through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, till death" unless the circumstances are extreme. I never told my husband I'd stay 'till he didn't make me happy anymore.
To be honest, there have been times (though not frequent) that my vows and the good of our children were the only things that made me stay...I am sure my husband has felt the same way...but we're both still here because our vows are more important than our individual feelings at any given moment.
These vows are designed to keep people married...because you're NOT going to be happy all the time...
Well said, Holly
-Faith
"All television is educational television. The only question is, what is it teaching?"-Fmr. FCC Commissioner Nicholas Johnson |
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owwlady
True Blue Farmgirl
899 Posts
Jan
Tomahawk
WI
USA
899 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2007 : 12:03:23 AM
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| Remember, submission means King and Queen, not master and slave like most people assume. |
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laluna
True Blue Farmgirl
295 Posts
New York
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2007 : 3:53:40 PM
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| Biblical theorizing aside (well, okay, except to say that a wise theologian I once knew used to say that the Bible contains rules of *men*, and that a Jesuit priest whose class I took in college liked to remind us that the Bible is merely a collection of *stories* with metaphors for us to think about, not take literally - thank god for the Jesuits!), it always concerns me when I hear about people in marriages like the original poster's. I am amazed at how many people don't really seem to *know* the person that they are marrying. I married young-ish (24), but I knew who the man was that I was marrying - we were friends for quite a long while before we even got together, and had seen each other in all kinds of situations and conditions. To think that the person you are with is going to change/grow up/conform to your wants is foolish at best, imo. And if it's *really* a case of maturity, then clearly there is something to be said for waiting (for the right time or person) when marriage is a such huge committment that involves compassion, compromise, and understanding (and sorry, I serve no man, however you choose to spin it). I hope that MsCwick can find peace and happiness in whatever decision she makes and realizes that there is more to life than sticking it out in a miserable situation for years on end if she realizes that she married someone who isn't the person she thought he was. |
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faithymom
True Blue Farmgirl
360 Posts
Faith
Sandpoint
ID
USA
360 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2007 : 09:53:09 AM
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Past Blessings/Brenda, Jan, Holly...great points.
I love the King and Queen metaphor.
I need to quit posting on this topic because it is getting too much for me and I have said all I have to say.
I guess, If you get it, you get it... and if you don't, you won't.
Faith
"All television is educational television. The only question is, what is it teaching?"-Fmr. FCC Commissioner Nicholas Johnson |
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laluna
True Blue Farmgirl
295 Posts
New York
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2007 : 2:13:59 PM
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| *sigh* I Love my husband as well, and I don't appreciate the implication that I don't or the patronizing attitude that I don't "get it." Believe me, I "get it" just fine - I happen to live my life as a good, kind, decent human being. I too believe that our country is corrupt, which is why I try to live my life the way I do. I also feel that there are other views to consider and that perhaps the original poster wouldn't mind having another point to consider. |
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Libbie
Farmgirl Connection Cultivator
3579 Posts
Anne E.
Elsinore
Utah
USA
3579 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2007 : 7:15:17 PM
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I think it is sooo important to have many points of view and heartfelt suggestions to consider, and I thank all of you farmgirls for being able to give any information that others might find useful and helpful. There is something so wonderful about being, as MaryJane said in her book, under the shelter of "Each Other," and I'm glad that is what we have here.
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2007 : 7:57:03 PM
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This is going to be rough, Cristine, but I'd find it impossible to live with myself if I heard a woman's cry for help and didn't answer in a way I thought might really help her.
I've done a lot of work with battered womenÕs programs over the years, and I hate to say this, but the situation with your husband as you've described it could come right out of a textbook on how full-blown domestic violence begins.
One of the weapons an abusive spouse typically uses against his victim is to try to make her believe she can't support herself, that he's her only hope. Keeping her economically dependent on him keeps her under his thumb. ThatÕs only one of the clues I read in your post that prompted me to write this.
Abused wives will often try to shore up their husbands' crumbling self-esteem with praise and flattery, but that's like putting a band-aid on cancer. Pointing out his shortcomings, pleading, crying and so on won't help so much, either, although it may have the effect, which some victimized wives may subconsciously desire, of irritating him to the point where he'll make the decision about splitting for her -- either by walking out, or maybe by putting her in the hospital, where the police and/or other officials might get involved. There are better ways to deal with what youÕre experiencing, before it goes that far.
You need to get professional help right now. Some churches are pretty enlightened about domestic violence these days, but it doesnÕt sound to me as if yours is getting the right message across to its flock, or youÕd have gotten it somehow by now. Certainly you can choose to seek comfort in your religion, but a licensed family therapist with experience in domestic violence will be of more immediate practical help. (Look for the letters LCSW, for ÒLicensed Clinical Social Worker,Ó after their names.) You might want to ask your local family court for a referral. TheyÕre in the government section of the phone book. Many non-government "Family Service"-type agencies provide therapy (also called counseling) services with fees set on a sliding scale based on ability to pay. That could be a good place to start, too.
Your husband probably wonÕt go to a therapist with you, but it would be ideal if he did. It seems to me that he has serious personal problems having nothing to do with you, but that he's taking out on you. He probably wishes he knew a way to make things better, but he doesn't. A therapist could help him in private sessions just with him, all completely confidential, of course. It's possible you also have some things going on in your life that were there before you ever met your husband. A therapist could help you with them privately, too. As a couple, meeting with the therapist together, you can address your conflict a lot more productively than you can do now by yourselves.
Please admit that you need help, and get it. Soon. For starters, you might want to go to a public library and read some books there about domestic violence, verbal abuse, etc., and see if you donÕt recognize your situation in them. I wouldnÕt advise you to check the books out and take them home with you at this point; he might react very badly to seeing them.
If he ever hits you, or even so much as threatens physical harm, get out. Memorize the phone number of your nearest battered women's shelter program and call it for help as soon as you feel you can do so safely. They'll know how to advise you from there.
I wish you the very best.
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EnchantedWoodsGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
959 Posts
Kathy
New Jersey
USA
959 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2007 : 7:58:32 PM
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Your husband sounds soooo much like mine it amazes me - you are much too young to put up with that kind of nonsense. Like mine, yours has a way of trying to make you feel worthless, which you are not and you must realize this - All the things you enjoy doing are the essense of you, they are your individuality, don't lose them.
This summer I nearly left my husband (well, I actually did for a month) I talked to a lawyer (my divorce is actually paid for but I have not filed yet)I opened a seperate savings acct which I faithfully put money in - I got credit in my own name -
I did come back home, but I came back for my animals (I know to some this may be a lame reason, but they are like my children) - I have no real children - having children makes things different and I am sure more difficult.
My husband drinks - not as much as he used to but he still does. He has gotten countless tickets for careless driving has had several accidents- is verbally abusive emotionally abusive - the list goes on. But you know what, it is his problem, not mine - if he wants to squander his life away being mean and miserable that is his cross to bear. I suggested counselling he would not go.
I can't tell you I am happy with him, I am not - I love him and feel a sense of loyalty to him and helped him on his venture to get US citizenship (he is Canadian born and has been in this country since his teens) we have been together since I was 23 and I am now 47 he is 10 yrs older -
I wish I had a magical answer for you but I don't - marriage is a two way street and two people have to be working on growing together. What ever you do, do not become a doormat for any man. I am here now, but I don't know where I will be next year or later this year for all I know.
If you ever need to talk, you can email me privately that would be fine - it is hard, I know - I have no family left and I work from home due to fibromyalgia- it seems they know just what buttons to push to hurt you too.
God bless the women out there with wonderful husbands is all I can say.
Hugs Hugs and more Hugs!
Kathy of the Enchanted Wood
http://enchantedwoodmusings.blogspot.com/
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faithymom
True Blue Farmgirl
360 Posts
Faith
Sandpoint
ID
USA
360 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2007 : 9:36:02 PM
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laluna, I wasn't trying to insult you, I only meant that it seems my words(and those of others here) are being twisted to mean that I think wives should be doormats and let their husbands treat them however they want, despite repeatedly saying the opposite.
That's what I was referring to 'getting'.
Sorry if it was taken the wrong way by you or anyone else, this wasn't my intention.
Faith
"All television is educational television. The only question is, what is it teaching?"-Fmr. FCC Commissioner Nicholas Johnson |
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owwlady
True Blue Farmgirl
899 Posts
Jan
Tomahawk
WI
USA
899 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2007 : 11:40:11 PM
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| I don't know where I heard this, but a woman well advanced in years and in a marriage that lasted many, many years was asked the secret of why her marriage had lasted so long. Her reply was "We never fell out of love at the same time." I guess that says it all...as long as at least one of the partners is still loving, it can work...I have found this to be true in a relationship...sometimes I don't love like I should but he is...sometimes he doesn't but I am...there needs to be a willing spirit in both people involved...one can't do it alone. I do know your pain though, I've been there myself with a man for 14yrs that was controlling, sadistic, cruel, and abusive. I asked God to love him through me because I couldn't love him, but even that failed and I finally got out. I have never regeted that move and I feel that God has not abandoned me because I chose divorce. I may have missed out on the blessings of a good marriage, but I was the one that made the decision to marry this man and I accept the consequences. I have been blessed so many other ways now and I do have a man in my life, not a husband, but a good friend and someone who dearly loves me and I love him also...I truly hope all things work out for you. I hate to see someone go through this pain. |
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laluna
True Blue Farmgirl
295 Posts
New York
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2007 : 06:54:41 AM
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@Faith - thank you. And I didn't mean to offend anyone either.
@Rosemary - thank *you* for posting what was in the back of my mind but I was hesitant to say. Speaking as someone who was once in a relationship that had all the "signs" and eventually did become abusive, you are right on the money. |
Edited by - laluna on Jan 27 2007 06:55:28 AM |
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shmeg
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Megan
Granville
Ohio
USA
222 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2007 : 08:52:21 AM
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Wow, so much has been posted. I bet mscwick didn't realize the debate that this tread would create, not that that is a bad thing at all. I would agree with Brenda that this country is corrupt. And I would also say that the leaders of this country who make so many decisions on the behalf of "christianity and democracy" are perhaps the most corrupt of all. I also feel like laluna does, that the bible is a book of much wisdom and has many valuable lessons, yet also written thousands of years ago by men. I think it is very possible that ever literal word written may not be appropriate for the world today. Of course, I don't really consider myself a christian, but I do know that I have live my life according a spiritual code of ethics,morals,and values. I believe that God brings many people into our lives for many different reasons. I think we are here to learn many lessons and some people comeinto our lives to help us learn them, whether it is through the easy way or the hard way. Not everyone is supposed to be in our lives forever. I knew my ex-husband very well when I married him at 22, and I married him any way. I chose to learn the lessons that he taught me the hard way and it was terrifying going through my divorce. But, I thank God for him being in my life and I thank his spirit for being willing to go through that with me and to help me grow. I forgive him and hope that he has also grown from the experience. But, I don't regret for a second getting out of the marriage and don't think I should have stayed one minute longer. I learned so much and got so much stronger and now we no longer need to play those roles for eachother. I hope MsCwick follows her heart and listens to her gut, not her fear and finds happiness on way or the other.
-Megan |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2007 : 09:44:02 AM
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MsCwick
In another thread you mentioned that you didn't work, except to help in your husband's business, and that you were feeling like you weren't "doing" enough...
Then in this thread it sounds like your husband is claiming the "power" in the relationship because he brings home the money.
Maybe he will turn out to be an abuser, maybe he won't -- but would you feel safer or more stable, emotionally, financially, spiritually, if you were earning an outside paycheck on your own? Even part-time? If nothing else it might keep you busy/occupied, maybe increasing your workplace skills in case you eventually need to make a different choice?
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
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Libbie
Farmgirl Connection Cultivator
3579 Posts
Anne E.
Elsinore
Utah
USA
3579 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2007 : 10:48:07 AM
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It is both so difficult sometimes and so wonderful that our lives just aren’t as black and white as sometimes it seems like they should be. Life is beautifully complex and full of lessons; a treasure chest of complexity and choices AND PEOPLE to know and appreciate.
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
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laluna
True Blue Farmgirl
295 Posts
New York
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2007 : 12:07:26 PM
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Just wanted to pop in here real quick and give hugs to Brenda/PastBlessings - I certainly didn't intend to twist anyone's words around...I am just coming at this whole thing from a different place. I love living in a place where we can all have our own ideas and opinions, and even more importantly be able to express them.
And MsCwick, please let us all know how you are doing - if nothing else, I believe that we are all very concerned about you. |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2007 : 12:52:19 PM
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Brenda, that's a wise idea, about keeping your hand in the marketplace in case you have to make it on your own out there one day. That's true for all of us, not just those in shaky marriages. I tremble to think what would become of me if my husband died in an accident tomorrow, and us without even any life insurance. The money I make in my little business is barely enough to keep the lights on in the office. I needed to share my reaction, though, when you said Cristine's husband might or might not become an abuser. I think it's pretty clear that he already is an abuser. The verbal assault is well under way. He's already started playing the economic dependency card. Cristine feels abused. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck....
Cristine, I hope all the opinionated comments your post has generated here aren't confusing you or even maybe turning you off or scaring you. (My post was probably the scariest, and if so, I'm sorry, but I stand by it.) I guess all our different thoughts represent the many paths we've each taken to get here, the adventures we've had along the way, and what we learned from them. Not all of what any of us has said is necessarily relevant to you, except for the one big communal message, which is that we care very much about you and are worried for you. I hope you'll let us know what's going on when/if you feel like it. By the way, I just stopped at the store a while ago and picked up some whole wheat flour so I could make your yummy-sounding brown bread recipe. I'll bet you're a terrific cook!
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Edited by - Rosemary on Jan 27 2007 12:53:43 PM |
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MsCwick
True Blue Farmgirl
775 Posts
Cristine
Farmville
Virginia
USA
775 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2007 : 7:54:42 PM
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Oh, I have been reading what ya'll are posting every day and I had no idea my post would get this kind of attention. To me, it's kind of outrageous. I cannot even begin to go back and comment on comments, but I will on the ones on this page.
Kathy, I wonder if I will end up like you one day, but I KNOW my husband would do anything in this world for me. He is not necessarily mean or miserable, but he's just not the sensitive type person that I was brought up to believe a husband should be.
There have been many many situation where I have laid the law down so I can't say that I have no voice or I am not heard in this relationship. I was an only child of an over the road truck driver, and I was home quite a bit alone, taking care of the things 99% of kids don't have to worry about, so I have matured beyond my age, and sometimes it's hard, and I feel like I want to be a silly 17 year old again, but I can't. I have had a lot of mature situations thrust upon me( none bad at all) at a young age, and I think that my perception of dealing with life if very different from my husbands. There are times where I just cannot let a situation go on because i know it isn't right, or it isn't "normal" or proper. Maybe this is what happens to women when they are young and married to someone a bit younger, mother knows best?? Am I just a really good mommy in training??? <---trying to look at optomistic points. There are things I know how to do and things that I know need to be done in order for a household to run properly, or at least smoothly, and my opinion of what those things are, isn't necessarily in conjunction with my husbands list of priorities. Which isn't a problem. We have talked about the fact that I am not the man of the house, that he is, so I said if you want me to respect the man of the house, then you need to earn it! Set a good example and be a good husband, not just a husband. We are working on this situation daily. zPart of our problems is me allowing him to have some control and be the "man of the house". We're working on that every day...
The business belongs to both of us. I am the VP/Secretary. We both own equal shares, and we both started this business. My brains, his brawn type deal. I cannot distance myself but so much from it. I would go and get a part time job, but honestly, I feel as though I would be abandoning my duties at home.
I can tell you honest to God again that if I tried to quit taking my meds again, that I would have another post like this one back up here in another 2 weeks. The meds have a lot to do with dealing with life's little road bumps. Without the meds, those roadbumps turn into mountains that simmer and stew and then I personally turn into a volcanic explosion. You get the point??? Maybe it's not depression? Maybe I'm bi polar, and thats why I can go from fine to fighting over something that wasnt just picture perfect a week ago?? I'm passing my days away looking at my life as a big learning situation...
I really appreciate all your responses. Even though it's been kind of overwhelming. But I'm glad I have all these good womenly opinions :)
Much love,
Cristine
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Family Matters: Husband Problems |
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Husband Problems
