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Family Matters:  Husband Problems  |
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MsCwick
True Blue Farmgirl
775 Posts
Cristine
Farmville
Virginia
USA
775 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 12 2007 : 11:32:59 AM
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I'm not generally one to gossip what goes on within my own home, but lately my husband and I have been at arms with eachother. Some of you may know that we own our own painting business, so there are times when we are together 24/7. My husband did not have the childhood I did, and he is not precautious about anything. When it comes to our business, he is careless with money and sometimes with situation on the job as well. I feel like every day that goes by we become less and less alike. We are total opposites to the point where I feel as though it is damaging for me to respect him. I have a lot of good morals and values, and I do not want to let go of them to get along with my husband. We both should be PROgressing to become better people, not REgressing. I know I should respect my husband seeing that he is the man of the house and he and OUR business provides for me/us, but I find him not worthy of my respect 95% of the time. I dont want to go on and on about him, and all the things I "feel" as though he does wrong, or just doesn't do the way I would. I actually brought up the idea of us getting seperated lastnight, and all he wants is to keep the business and for me to keep the house. He sais I couldn't support myself, when I am the one who has lived on my own for several years, and he never has. He has no concept of maintaining our belongings. We have four vehicles bought within the last 16 months, and all of them are ready for the junkyard. One with a blown engine, been sitting at my dad's for almost a year, one he sideswiped a brick building because he was backing up not paying attention, and a nice 85 chevy pickup that has engine problems, and suspension problems, and he just keeps driving it. I have told him how unprofessional it looks for him to pull up and for a customer to see how poorly he takes care of his own belongings, but he is too busy playing video games when he gets home. He stays up til 3 and won't wake up til 10. He drinks a beer or two on the way home, and doesn't abide by very many driving rules. I've told him 15 times the brakes in my car are making noise. I've begged him and bagained with him to get him to help me clean my car.He thinks he just works sooo hard and that at the end of the day he is entitled to sit on his throne of a sofa and not lift a finger. Even if we both work and both put in the same hours, he still doesn't think he should help around the house after work. We are also going to run out of firewood in the next few days, but he has been saying he will cut more for 2 months, and that has yet to happen. He won't ever help me with projects around the house, like repairing plumbing or helping me build the raised beds(which is REALLY simple), he wants NOTHING to do with ANYTHING that interests me. He says all the things I like are for 14 year olds, and I'm the immature one. I'm real immature for wanting to grow my own vegetables, or for liking to take a walk in the woods.
I feel alone. I feel like we are just going through the motions of marriage, but there is no union. I just want him to take care of our things, and me as well. I know this stuff is not normal. I know he has very little respect for me, and honestly, I can';t say that I have hardly any for him. The only thing he brings to this household is money, and I have to manage whatever is left after his frivolous spending.
What do I do? I've tried to get him to go to church with me. I've tried to absorb myself in movies and video games, but it's just like we have built a wall between eachother with no ways in, and no flexibility. I cried and cried this morning so tonight he wants us to go to the mall(my idea with NO money) just to walk around and grab a bite to eat. Mall is an hour away so this is quite a treat, but should I really have to cry and act like a fool to get him to go out or do something with me??? He thinks he just works sooo hard and that at the end of the day he is entitled to sit on his throne of a sofa and not lift a finger. I really hope that all men are not this careless. Could this come with him being 22/23 on Feb 17?? I will be 25, and I feel like his grandmother, which I know isn't right.
What to I do?!?!?! Our three year anniversary is July 1, and I don't think I can make it 6 more months.
Heart broken |
Edited by - MsCwick on Jan 12 2007 11:35:59 AM |
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Beemoosie
True Blue Farmgirl
2077 Posts
Bonnie
New York
USA
2077 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2007 : 11:41:44 AM
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(((HUGS))) Cristine, I really can't give you advice, but I can tell you that I felt the same way married in my 20's. I will be 35 this year and can say that with effort, prayer and letting go of some things, I am madly in love with my husband. 10 years ago I could have written the post you did. Much of the change had to do with me focusing on God and letting Him fill the void in my life and not expecting my husband to BE EVERYTHING to me. When I let go of things (i.e. how he takes care of things, money ect) and just gave it to God in prayer, God took care of it. When my husband knows I love him unconditionally, we both seemed to grow up together. I know that doesn't tell you much, but don't give up, there is a reason you two are together, it just takes some work to get beyond the "honeymoon"
XO
Bonnie
My soul magnifies the Lord, And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Luke 1:46,47
www.beequilting.blogspot.com
http://beemoosie-picture-diary.blogspot.com/ |
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junebug
True Blue Farmgirl
2421 Posts
Sue
West Plains,
Mo.
USA
2421 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2007 : 11:48:21 AM
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Oh Cristine, I don't have any answers for you, wedding young is hard, and if both of you aren't on the same path, it can be a lonely walk. Sounds like you two need to spend less time together to find yourselves again. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone. I don't hear the word love at all, are you still in love with this man and him with you? I hope and pray this situation gets better for you. Hugs!
Visit me at my blogs:
www.countrypleasures.blogspot.com
www.herbalfarmstead.blogspot.com
www.photo-per-day.blogspot.com
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babs
True Blue Farmgirl
226 Posts
Babette
MN
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2007 : 1:22:16 PM
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He is but a babe lost in the woods, my dear. You are a wonderful, strong, competent woman and he doesn't know what to do with you. You probably intimidate the hell out of him.
You are not a doormat. There is no reason to respect behavior that is unworthy of it. Respect should be earned, otherwise where is its real value?
Suggesting you couldn't support yourself implies that he takes for granted that you won't leave. Does he understand that half that business is yours? Go talk to an attorney, it's always safe to have one on hand, and ask him just what you might expect from a divorce at this point. It's good to be informed you know. Knowledge is power. Have him make some notes so you can show this wonderful man of yours what he would be looking at loosing.
I would also sit down and make a list of what is acceptable to you, what is not, and where you are willing to compromise. I respect your choice to submit to your husand, but do not do so to the extent of neglect for what needs to be done. Do not put yourself in a postion of being your husbands victim. It will only make you resent him more. I think it's time you took care of business. Call a junk yard and have your red neck lawn ornaments removed or put it up on craigslist in trade for something you need. Maybe you can get that plumbing work or gardening help. Show him you are not as helpless as he likes to think you are.
If I were you, in my proposal I would include detail regarding the management of your painting business and what is expected. Would it be possible for you to play to your strengths and take over certain areas? As far as business goes, this is only smart management. I understand you have an ideal regarding what the head of the household should be, but personally/honestly, I think this young man is rebelling from too much responsibility too soon. You may have to do a bit of hand holding while he grows into the man you want him to be. You married him because you saw his potential and it's still in there, just hidden. I bet you a ten spot, given a little time and reflection, that he'll later tell you he was scared out of his mind with the weight of responsibility. Video games are a wonderful escape when boys are scared and stressed. Taking a little control and sharing responsibility is not only fair, its an act of compassion - when you consider all that our society expects men to be. I'm a strong woman. I'm a farmgirl, but I know I'd be cracking under that kind of daily pressure.
Now, I don't mean to contradict everything I just said, but an attitude of gratitude goes a long long way. Tell him you love him and say please and thank you, even when you would rather say something less kind no, especially when you would rather say something less kind. Set an example of how you would like to be treated. Do not accept his cutting remarks over your intrests and dreams. Tell him plainly but firmly that that is not acceptable.
I married at 20. We've been together 15 years this June. We had plenty of rough spots just like what you detailed. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel and we are honeymooning all over again and could not be happier. :) It takes work, but I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that if you don't recognize YOUR worth as a woman no one else will.
I truly hope I have not offended you, or anyone else on this board. I tend to be a little *too* honest sometimes. "Bare knuckle honest", my mother says. But I mean it in the best possible way. Please know you are loved, and you will get through this.
Now, pull yourself up by your boot straps and get to work. :)
Babs |
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Phils Ann
True Blue Farmgirl
1095 Posts
Ann
Parsonsburg
Maryland
USA
1095 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2007 : 1:29:46 PM
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Dear Christine, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this kind of trouble. I just went back to your previous thread (on working together) to re-read all that was said. Are you still reading "365 Meditations" together, or doing another similar book? That seemed to really help you. Bonnie had some great comments... would you and she be able to email and share more, since she's "been there"? And how about talking with your mother-in-law, who dearly loves you? I know mine always gave me sympathy and support, which really helped me. She knew her son better than anyone else, so could give great advise. Finally, have you considered leaving the business and getting a different job away from him, since being together so much with so many potential conflicts has been a contributing factor in your relationship?
I'll be praying for you meanwhile, and do update us so we know how you're doing.
Hugs to you,
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
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horse
True Blue Farmgirl
371 Posts
laura
pontotoc
mississippi
USA
371 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2007 : 3:39:19 PM
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. I was married for 16 years the first time and honey, I sang the blues the very next day after I got married. I got remarried 3 1/2 yrs ago to a wonderful man, who is old enough to be my dad, and for the first time I can trully say , I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I wish you the best and will be praying for you. I just wished I had some encouraging words to say but all I can say is , I'm sorry and we are all here for you.
Laura
www.2lmzfarms.blogspot.com |
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summerbreeze
True Blue Farmgirl
277 Posts
Laura
WA
USA
277 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2007 : 4:06:41 PM
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Hi Christine,
I'm so sorry you are going thru this. My first husband never matured. It is tough when you are ready to be an adult and he is not. Maybe this would be a great time to focus one you. What do you want in life. Where do you see yourself in a year, three, five,ten? Write down some of your goals and start checking them off the list. Working with a spouse is very difficult. My first husband and I worked together for several years and it was hell. Is there a buisness you can start? Maybe if you don't spend time all day together it will help your relationship. This is a great group of woman to talk to. I will have you in my thoughts and prays. Please keep us posted on how things are going.
Laura
You only live once,if you do it right once is enough. |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2007 : 5:19:17 PM
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Christine -- I'm so sorry that you've having these problems. I guess I really don't have any advice. The only thing I can say after reading this is that your husband needs to grow up. If he's old enough to be married then he's old enough to take on responsibility. People can change but most times don't. And the longer you're married the more you will come to resent him if he doesn't change his ways. You will probably be mothering him your whole life. You have to ask yourself if that's really how you want to spend the rest of your life.
The Rustic Cottage Etsy Shop http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
Picture A Day Blog http://rcpicaday.blogspot.com |
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faithymom
True Blue Farmgirl
360 Posts
Faith
Sandpoint
ID
USA
360 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2007 : 9:27:00 PM
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Do you two have children together?
"All television is educational television. The only question is, what is it teaching?"-Fmr. FCC Commissioner Nicholas Johnson |
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Nance in France
True Blue Farmgirl
1438 Posts
Nancy
St. Laurent de la Salanque
France
1438 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2007 : 10:10:11 AM
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Cristine, my heart goes out to you, along with the other gals here. They've offered some good advice and food for thought. Think carefully before making any big life changing decisions until you are sure in your heart. One thing I can say from experience is KEEP going to church and leaning on that power, do not forego your morals and principals in order to 'get along'; you will only feel worse about yourself and he will not value you any more by getting on his level. And don't devalue yourself; YOU are half of that business and it is YOUR efforts that support the two of you, as much as his efforts. Make any improvements to your home that you can, either alone or with the help of friends. Our homes are our nests and fortresses, so make yours as happy as you are able. It will make you feel better, and it may make him enthusiastic enough to join in. Either way, improvements will be made and you will have a feeling of accomplishment!
Working and being together 24/7 is very trying sometimes; everybody needs a break, and it is only when we are apart for abit that we can miss and value each other's company. Maybe you could hire a part timer and invest your time in another venture, either of your own or at an office somewhere. It is sometimes hard to be young and responsible at the same time; praise him when he deserves it, for kindness can only help your situation. Rome wasn't built (or destroyed) in a day, so keep your expectations reasonable. Hang in there and you may be pleasantly surprised; and if the day does come when parting company is the best solution, you will know it in your heart. Sending loving thoughts to you, Nance |
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lamamama
True Blue Farmgirl
255 Posts
Melanie
CA
USA
255 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2007 : 10:10:52 AM
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Sorry to hear of your terrible troubles, Christine.
Been there, done that - as the saying goes. Different problems (my ex was unbelievably cruel), but I know the pain. Obviously, I made the decision to leave, so I don't think I can add any wise words of guidance. You've gotten some great advice here from the farmgirls. Just to reinforce, as someone said earlier, that you have to do some very deep soul-searching, & decide if you would be better off alone. If you do not have any kids, it is certainly easier. With children ( I have 2), it is a whole different ballgame. If you can afford it, some professional guidance might be helpful, too.
No matter what, I'm praying for you. Keep us posted. |
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lamarguerite farm
True Blue Farmgirl
649 Posts
missy
Battle Ground
Wa
USA
649 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2007 : 10:37:11 AM
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Christine- I'm in a similar situation and can so relate to the things you are saying. Just know I'm prayig for you and we are all here to support you. My husband has finaly gotten to a point where he can verbally accept responsibility for what he is doing and tries to do better, but then falls right back into the same rut. It begins to feel a little like a roller coaster ride sometimes and what's really sad it that he's 38yrs old and still extremely immature. I believe people can change their ways, but sometimes it comes down to who they are as a person and you have to decide whether you are able to accept them as they are. Your husband is very young and it's probably going to take a lot of maturing on his part to really see how irresponsible he is being. Definately lean on the Lord. You can't make your husband change, but you can work on your own relationship with the Lord and doing what YOU know to be right and true. Take good care of yourself!! (((((hugs))))))
Blessings,
Missy
If you have a dream, even if you don't feel qualified to accomplish it, just try your hardest.-Maggie Jensen
http://18happyhens.blogspot.com
http://LamargueriteFarm.etsy.com |
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MsCwick
True Blue Farmgirl
775 Posts
Cristine
Farmville
Virginia
USA
775 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2007 : 12:29:31 PM
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Ok. Let me add to this what I should have wrote in the first post...and I may even get fussed at by you girls for it, but I tried to stop taking my anti depressant, but here's the reason. My dad made a comment that Josh was just keeping me medicated so I wouldn't care about all the nonsense.So I tried not taking it for 2 weeks, also for the reason of the 15 pounds I gained in 6 months. Well...I know some things need to change, but all hell has broke loose since I quit taking it, like I can't deal with this crap anymore.
No, we don't have kids.
Lastnight when we tried to go out to eat and to the mall, that was a disaster kinda. But we talked on the way home and I made it really good and clear that if he doesn't want to take care of his things, our things, and me, that I could do it all on my own and he might as well pack his things. I said you are a strong man, don't you realize I need you?? I said gardening makes me happy, why would you knock down or get in the way of ANYthing that makes me happy. So...today he is helping his friend move his things from storage. He said he'd try to be back around lunch time, and here it is 3:30, and he said now he might be back by dark. So I'm so confused why he can help his friend for 2 saturdays in a row, but can't pick his underwear up off the floor?
WE talked a few times today and he is telling me sorry its taking so long, and stuff, but I'm like, please come home. It's too nice of a day to be wasting away like this.
Things will be better. I have called the doctor to see if there is another anti depresant that doesn't contribute to weight gain as much as the one I was on, and I took a pill before we went out lastnight and it made me so sick to my stomach that I couldn't even eat my dinner. So I'm taking them until I hear from the doctor again, but I just have to cut my food intake. I'm a fairly small person, so 15 pounds made a big difference..
Im glad to hear that I'm not the only one. I know in my heart we will get through this, but someone once told me the only man worth crying over was the one who wouldn't let you. So I'm just not looking forward to the talks and whatnot. We talked lastnight about not spending so much time together. We'll just have to play that by ear.
Thanks for your responses. I think I'm going to look for a general prayer for all women.
Thanks girls
Cristine |
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hollyhock81
True Blue Farmgirl
125 Posts
FARAH
IN
USA
125 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2007 : 2:14:24 PM
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Edited by - hollyhock81 on Oct 09 2014 05:48:12 AM |
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Phils Ann
True Blue Farmgirl
1095 Posts
Ann
Parsonsburg
Maryland
USA
1095 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2007 : 3:39:40 PM
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Christine, Stormie Omartian's books,"The Power of a Praying Wife", and "The Power of a Praying Woman" are very good. There's also an autobiograpy she wrote that is outstanding. Meanwhile, I hope you and your doctor can work out a good medication for you. That must be so hard....I'm sending a big ((((HUG)))). It's going to get better!
Love,
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2007 : 5:44:23 PM
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Christine, all I can say is like others here, I've ben there. Don't make any hasty decisions and pray for guidance. Keep going to church and do things w/ others as well not just him. Sometimes as women were so busy putting everything before us that we forget us. You have to be good to you also & take care of yourself. I know that seems impossible right now but just try it one baby step at a time, you'll see how strong, smart and capable you are. Hang in there.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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Horseyrider
True Blue Farmgirl
1045 Posts
Mary Ann
Illinois
1045 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2007 : 05:26:51 AM
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Christine, you sound exactly like me, thirty years ago. My husband was extremely immature. I foolishly believed all his crap about love and the future and wanting to take care of me. We were both traditional people, and I wanted to be a good wife. But I found out a BIG PROBLEM with that submission stuff. A guy has to be WORTHY of it, and has to EARN IT through his thoughts and his behavior. Mine did not. He was extremely selfish and put us both in financial peril, and it was clear that he had no interest in changing his behavior. I left him.
I've since been married for 28 years to a great guy who is mature, thoughtful, and considerate of me. He considers nurturing my interests one of his main pleasures in life. He doesn't care a bit about horses, but he's out there every single night, toting water and throwing down hay from the loft for me. While I "submit" or defer to him on certain subjects, I do it because he's the one who has the most strength in that area; and conversely, he "submits" or defers to my judgment on others. We're a team; we work together. No hairbrained schemes for him. When he realized that the potential for caring for his family on his education at the time was limited, he went back to school to get a better degree to increase his earning power. He even sold blood plasma so we'd have enough for school and groceries, and so I could be a stay at home mom. He went to school part and full time while working 50-60 hours a week, and never ever complained.
He nurtures me, and cares about my interests. He's my partner and helpmate. I so cannot believe I very nearly settled for so much less.
If you pray for anything, pray for self reliance and self esteem, and clarity of thought. Whether you stay with him or not, you deserve better. I think your father was right, but it came out wrong. He's concerned for you, and wants to make sure you see your situation clearly.
And talk to your doctor about Welbutrin. It actually can cause weight loss, along with the antidepressant qualities. |
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Libbie
Farmgirl Connection Cultivator
3579 Posts
Anne E.
Elsinore
Utah
USA
3579 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2007 : 10:01:46 AM
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Christine - (((HUGS!!!)))
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
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shmeg
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Megan
Granville
Ohio
USA
222 Posts |
Posted - Jan 16 2007 : 6:09:15 PM
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Hi Christine,
There probably isn't much left to say that you haven't already heard but I felt compelled to write after reading your story. I've been there too. I was married at 22 and had a child at 23 with my highschool sweetheart. Shortly after our daughter was born the marriage really started to fall apart. I remember sitting there thinking "this is it, this is how it's going to be for the rest of my life. What have I done." It was horrible. Now, my ex was also very emotionally abusive. There were times when I wished he would just hit me so I'd feel justified in leaving. I remember him telling me that I could never make it without him. We did go to therapy and I stuck it out for as long as I could without totally losing myself but it just didn't work for us. I heard Oprah say once, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." And that has been one of the biggest lessons that I had to learn. Watch your husbands actions, are they matching his words and promises? People can and do change but it has to come totally from them and when a relationship's success is pinned on one person having to change, it is really hard. For me, I finally realized that even if his behavior changed and he became the sweetest guy in the world it didn't matter. We had different values and looked at life in two totally different ways and wanted different things. I don't think he really liked me he just liked the idea of me. He probably wanted me to change as much as I wanted him to. Please don't think I'm saying you should get a divorce, try counseling, lean on your friends, family, and church or whatever gives you strength and see what happens. But I would recommend that you don't get caught in that trap that some people do where they try to distract themselves from their problems by some major life change, like moving or having a baby. If you do end up going your separate ways, it will be so much harder if kids are involved. Just know that you will get through this, whatever you decide. My divorce was the scariest thing I ever did but now I'm 31, remarried to a wonderful man with two more beautiful children. You deserve to be happy.
Good luck,
Megan |
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - Jan 17 2007 : 06:12:27 AM
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So much wise advice in this thread from so many of us who have been there or are still there. I let myself and my identity get lost. Don't ever do that. Can you seek counseling on your own? I'm seeing a therapist, and it's a huge help to me(my husband declined). When Iyanla Vanzant used to be on Oprah, she would put one hand on the front of her head, and the other flat against the back of her head and say "Save yourself". So my only advice is, whatever/whoever else you try to save, just be sure to 'Save yourself'.
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?" - 'Brother Dave' Gardner |
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Destiny~
True Blue Farmgirl
195 Posts
Dar
west
TX
USA
195 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2007 : 10:42:23 AM
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I, too, have been there and done that. My suggestion is that first you need to take care of yourself. Find the right medication for you, without it it's hard to know for sure that the thoughts your having are truly your own or based on the depression. Then you can start making decisions. Two things that I would do would be to find another job and then open your own bank account, in your name only. The money in this account will be your security blanket. You can use it to pay bills if you need to or to pay for some of those repairs that need to be done. Some men are meant to do car repairs etc so you'll have to have someone else do it. Once you start depending on just you, you'll feel like you have some control again and you'll respect yourself for it. You'll depend less on him and he may start to show some respect, or not, but by then you'll have some idea of what he's going to be like with the new you and you'll be able to make an informed decision.
"Let us, together, sow seeds for a better harvest-a harvest for hope."
Jane Goodall, Harvest for Hope |
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Juliekay
True Blue Farmgirl
237 Posts
237 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2007 : 5:06:16 PM
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If he's not ready to settle down to married life with all the responsibilities it entails, then don't waste your time with him. There are so many wonderful men out there, don't settle for anything less than what you really want in a relationship. I waited until I was 34 to find the right man and it was so worth it. You don't want to wake up at 30 with some of your best years wasted.
Julie |
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primjillie
True Blue Farmgirl
138 Posts
Jill
Antelope
CA
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2007 : 11:30:47 AM
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| While I agree with the first part of Brenda's post, I have to disagree with the rest. Marriage is hard and one person usually is putting more into a marriage than the other. But this should somewhat balance out over time and not leave one person being the doormat to the other. Women deserve respect, they deserve a loving, kind partner. They deserve to be happy in life and if their partner can't be the person they can be with for life, without giving up the biggest part of themself, then they need to move on and start over. I'm a Christian and I believe God wants us to be happy and fulfilled and being with a man that won't grow up and be worthy of our respect just isn't cutting it. If I were you, I would give your marriage a set amount of time, work like heck to make it work, and if it doesn't - pick up yourself and start over. You sound like a strong, capable, wonderful person and I wish you the best. |
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faithymom
True Blue Farmgirl
360 Posts
Faith
Sandpoint
ID
USA
360 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2007 : 1:48:53 PM
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I'm sorry, but I must disagree...
I read in the Bible that God wants us to give our 'self' to Him and to give of ourself to others, without regard for 'tit-for-tat' you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours thinking...
Isn't this what Jesus taught when he said "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...if you love those who love you, what reward will you get?" MT 5:44,46
I also don't read anywhere that God's purpose for us here on earth is 'happiness', His purpose for us is Holiness...
"All television is educational television. The only question is, what is it teaching?"-Fmr. FCC Commissioner Nicholas Johnson |
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faithymom
True Blue Farmgirl
360 Posts
Faith
Sandpoint
ID
USA
360 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2007 : 2:23:20 PM
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Brenda, you just said all the stuff I couldn't find the words for...
"All television is educational television. The only question is, what is it teaching?"-Fmr. FCC Commissioner Nicholas Johnson |
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primjillie
True Blue Farmgirl
138 Posts
Jill
Antelope
CA
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2007 : 2:37:58 PM
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| So how long does one wait for a spouse (and this could go either way) to grow up? How long does one sacrifice their happiness just to stay together? Should they bring children into a relationship that is so unhappy? I think divorce should be a last option and both partners ought to give the marriage all they can, but I disagree that adultery or abuse is the only way out. Sometimes abuse isn't only physical, mental abuse can destroy a person as well. Maybe I am too close to the situation, since my husband and I have had problems for many years. We even divorced before remarrying 5 years ago. It has been a long, hard road with many repercussions for our children. I can't say if it was worth it in the long run to wait 30 years for someone to mature enough to handle an adult relationship. I have wasted (maybe not the best word) half my life waiting for this man to grow up, when maybe I could have divorced young and met someone else and saved everyone a lot of pain. Or maybe, being in her shoes 30 years ago, gives me some insight into what her life could be like if she doesn't make a decision. Do you all really feel a woman should stay in a marriage if she is miserable and there is nothing she can do to make it right except give up? Do you really feel that adultery is the only way out? If this is more along the lines of the "submissive wife" role, I will bow out, since I believe in more of an equal partnership, which includes both partners being happy. And yes, I do believe God wants us to be happy, even if that is not our purpose. |
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Family Matters: Husband Problems |
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Husband Problems
