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Across the Fence:  Heartbroken but now Healed :) JULY UPDATE  |
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2569 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2569 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 02:57:20 AM
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I need some insight. I know what my gut says to do, but need to see what you may think.
my older son is 23, going on 24 this august. over 2 yrs ago, he started dating this girl. at the time she said she was 18. we later found out she had just turned 16!she had a hard life, i gave her the benefit of the doubt because i had a hard life and did not want to judge her.
fast forward to present time....it seems that since she has come into my son's life, all he and i do is fight. he sometimes says hurtful things to me, and can be very disrespectful. we have gotten into some horrible fights. it's like i dont know who he is. i raised him to be kind, and have manners and he was always a good kid. my other son and i never fight, and my husband and i never fight.
recently, about a month or so ago she and my son came to me, with her 'story' of the violence at her home, her mother ripping her stuff up with a knife, the drinking going on, how she was afraid for her safety, and she wanted to move into my house. now during all this time they have been dating, her mother, stepdad and father never liked my son and didnt treat him well...not sure why. he is a good person. of course as a mother, i felt resentment towards them. no, we didnt let her move in, almost, but no. didnt feel right about it. btw- she just turned 18 about 3 weeks ago. they also announced about 3 months ago that they were getting married in july! then they changed their minds because her mother (according to her) started being spiteful. the original plan was that they were waiting until she finished college to be a pharmacist (several yrs down the road).
even when i took a temp job at the hospital (her mother worked there), she was never friendly towards me, and I tried. oh well.
just yesterday, i questioned them both as to why they lied to me (about sent them each a text, as my son is out of town working-something trivial, but lied nevertheless) they wouldnt tell me why but instead turned it around like i'm stalking them, first she said it, then he said it. then she got nasty, said i was insane, fat, am a failure as a mother, a wife, my food tastes like sh**, my business makes no money, that I'm a loser, that i'll never see my future grandchildren, etc. she said just about everything you could think of. I had a few choice words for her and said she was no longer welcome in my home and that i'd call the police if she came here.
my son never defended me after what she said, told me i started it, and that i 'lost a son'.
in the meantime i left her mother a message as to what was going on and that i had had enough.
as i predicted, a couple of hrs later, she began texting me again, trying her hardest to apologize, blaming it on 'pmdd', whatever that is. oh, and by the way, my son is now on meds because SHE thought he needed it! (turns out she takes meds for God knows what). i told her that there was no excuse for what she did and that she was not welcome in my home. i told her my son had to be out by june 30th.(at this point my son and i are not speaking to one another)
she also texted my husband last night, and because he is a Christian, began saying things like....if you were a god fearing man, you'd forgive. more manipulation. he ignored her.
then this morning i woke up to more texts from her saying that my son will choose his fiancee over me if i do not forgive her. i replied with 'so be it, i've lost a son'. i am not going to give in to what SHE wants.
i also received a text from her mother last night (after i went to bed) saying that 'you accomplished what you wanted to'. not sure what that means. All i was doing was reacting to what they were doing. i never set out to deliberately hurt anyone. then again her mother is toxic and i see where she gets it from. she is an A student and i thought she was smarter than that.
i am so sad because my boys mean everything to me. she has poisoned him, he wont see it. even my husband spoke to him over the phone yesterday and said he didnt want to hear anything, and made no sense.
i dont know how to handle this. i feel like my heart has been ripped out, like a death in the family. she and her family are so toxic, she ruined my relationship with my son. funny thing is, my friend and sister called this before it even happened. How could i be so blind? usually i can 'feel' people out...maybe giving her the benefit of the doubt was a mistake.
have any of you gone through something like this?
Connie
http://www.naturemaiden.com/ - Soap & Candle
http://modern-day-laura.blogspot.com/ -My Personal Blog
http://www.prairiefarmherbs.com/ -Herb Plants for the Home Garden
http://www.thriftyfarmgirl.com/ -My Online Thrift Shop
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Edited by - naturemaiden on Jul 19 2013 01:36:44 AM |
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annielaurel
True Blue Farmgirl
912 Posts
nancy
fernandina beach
florida
USA
912 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 05:21:50 AM
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I am sor sorry you are going through this. I know how much it hurts to "lose" a son as I have lost mine. Stick to your guns as you are the smart and sensible one. Time will change your son and he will be back. Just let him find out how she and her family are by himself. Let him know you love him but don't give in. Your son needs to know you will always love him but will not tolerate poor behavior.
Hugs,
Nancy
Farmgirl Sister #2301
Make everyday a celebration of the heart. |
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rphelps4
True Blue Farmgirl
620 Posts
roxanna
westport
indiana
USA
620 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 05:48:07 AM
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| I too am so sorry for what you are going though, I think you must stand firm with your decision that your son has to move out that is your home and he knows you rules, time for tough love. Let him know you love him but won't be a part of this toxic life he has chosen. as hard as it is going to be let him go when he fails let him figure it out, they both think they are adults, so let them live a adult life's, and all that comes with it! I am sure you and your husband have always been there for him, and when that is not there do to his choice, he may look at things a little different. You must take care of yourself. stand strong! Roxanna |
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 05:55:09 AM
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So sorry that you are going through this, I KNOW how hard it is. Similar situation with our son 8 years ago, we tried to take the high road and be kind despite the lousy treatment and finally just said "you married her, and we won't be treated this way". Stood our ground and basically didn't speak to him for a couple years and low and behold she cheated on him and he through her out and filed for divorce. He admits now what a mistake it was to get involved with her and her family and is happy that it is over. So that being said, stand your ground and don't allow them to treat you badly and tae comfort in knowing that you did your best in raising him.
Hugs, Kathy |
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2569 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2569 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 06:38:19 AM
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my son made the point to tell me this morning how much he hates me. then she was texting me all morning. apparently her mother is throwing her out. he says it's MY fault they both lost their homes. i told her if she didnt run her mouth the way she did i would of had no reason to contact her mother....they accept no responsibility. now her mother is texting me! i told her to just leave me alone. they are so toxic.
http://www.naturemaiden.com/ - Soap & Candle
http://modern-day-laura.blogspot.com/ -My Personal Blog
http://www.prairiefarmherbs.com/ -Herb Plants for the Home Garden
http://www.thriftyfarmgirl.com/ -My Online Thrift Shop
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rphelps4
True Blue Farmgirl
620 Posts
roxanna
westport
indiana
USA
620 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 07:50:29 AM
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| Just be done with it don't answer the text let it go for your mental and physical health. Let both find out what the real world is like, and see how long they stay together! Roxanna |
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rphelps4
True Blue Farmgirl
620 Posts
roxanna
westport
indiana
USA
620 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 08:37:46 AM
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| Connie I don't mean to sound cold and heartless, but I had to do that with my son due to drugs and drinking, his love, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done but now he is living with his sister , working and taking meds for his bi-polar disorder and doing much better. I think if I wouldn't have done that his would be locked up in jail or dead. I know it's different than what you are going thur, but it's still very hard to watch them make such a terrible mess of their lives. |
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Emily Anna
True Blue Farmgirl
863 Posts
Emily
Fort Atkinson
WI
USA
863 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 08:40:29 AM
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Connie, I am so sorry you are going through this! What a tough situation to be in. We hate to see our loved ones going down a road like this and it leaves a person feeling helpless. I agree with Roxanna. Stop texting them or responding to them when they are being irrational. You're just adding fuel to the fire. People like this thrive off of getting a reaction. I know it's hard to disregard such foolishness. You want to put your two cents in, but DON'T! It will drive her nuts if you just stop responding and you will make your point more strongly if you just don't give in to the drama. I'm sorry that she had a rough life and that her role models while growing up were less than desirable, but that doesn't give her the right to be so, so disrespectful to you. Your son should have stuck up for you. He should have been disgusted by the way she treated you, but he is still young and you know the old saying "love" is blind. I would some how communicate to your son that you love him and will ALWAYS be there for him, but you REFUSE to live your life this way. Then cut off any toxic communication. Don't give in to the drama.
I will pray that your son comes to his senses before they start having children. I will also pray that she can break away from her noxious family and get some sense.
Keep us posted!
Emily |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
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hawkin_farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
63 Posts
Micah
Austin
Texas
USA
63 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 08:58:02 AM
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First of all, I want to say how sorry I am that you're going through this. It's a heart wrenching situation and I can't imagine what you must be feeling.
When my husband and I got engaged, I was in a similar situation, only reversed with his mother. I had gone through some serious depression when my mother died and he stuck with me all through it. She would tell me that I've "stolen" her son from her, I'd be a bad wife, I was a horrible person because I once cut myself and contemplated suicide (remember, I found my mother dead, so yeah, I was in a bad place). So we stopped all contact with her. My husband stopped accepting their help for financial aid for college. We blocked their number and stopped visiting at holidays. Eventually she came around. Blamed it on hormones and being fat. We've cautiously let them back into our lives since the birth of our son, but it helps that they're two states away.
From personal experience, cutting all ties is the best thing to do. Who knows what they're telling her parents. I think going out into the "real world" and experiencing life for themselves is what they need. If they ask for money to help with bills, stay strong and refuse. When my brother was in a messed up place, I bailed him out of jail three times. It was only when I stopped that he cleaned up his act and got rid of the toxic friends.
I hope things get better for you. It's a horrible situation to be in, but stay strong. *Hugs*
*Micah*
Farmgirl Sister #1478
http://pinterest.com/miss_micahp/
http://misadventuresofamicah.tumblr.com/ |
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emsmommy5
True Blue Farmgirl
1547 Posts
Angie
Buckley
WA
USA
1547 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 09:18:21 AM
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We just got our daughter out of a toxic relationship, she moved back home the other day. During the entire time she was with the guy, I always told her that I loved her, but *whatever-the-issue* was not acceptable.
I would encourage you to stand your ground. But always do it with a loving attitude.
The other thing.... just my opinion. Don't do the text war thing. It brings nothing but trouble. If one of them text's you... just reply (only once) - I do not discuss these things over texting. And then do not reply - or even read any more of what they try to draw you into. I firmly believe people are much nastier (or come across that way) over text because it is not face to face. I keep trying to get that through DD's head because it was an issue with texting that was the final straw with her boyfriend this week. Although, in that instance, it actually worked in our favor. LOL
Do what you love, love what you do. |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 09:20:01 AM
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My heart hearts for you. You will be in my prayers.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2569 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2569 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 10:15:27 AM
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you women are wonderful! i appreciate the feedback, and it's awful it happens as often as it does. I did stop the texting, it was draining...just turned the phone off. I asked them to stop contacting me as well, yes they do seem to feed off of it. sick. my son may be coming home tonight, as he was away for work. he makes me nervous. i plan on not saying anything,staying calm and maybe just going into another room. i mentally cant take the fighting. i just want peace. her mother suggest we meet to talk and we are considering it. it's been the most positive thing said in 2 days. so we'll see. not sure what will be accomplished though. i am trying to stay calm and accept that this may be the way it has to be. it hurts.
connie
http://www.naturemaiden.com/ - Soap & Candle
http://modern-day-laura.blogspot.com/ -My Personal Blog
http://www.prairiefarmherbs.com/ -Herb Plants for the Home Garden
http://www.thriftyfarmgirl.com/ -My Online Thrift Shop
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batznthebelfry
True Blue Farmgirl
1257 Posts
Michele
Athol
Ma
USA
1257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 10:42:32 AM
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Connie this is so hard on you & your heart, I do know that what is occurring from what you write that this is in no way your fault & hopefully you will see that by their actions...Young love can be painful for those around them...they are out of control & trying to drag you into it...as is the mother...it sounds like everyones hormones are out of control & emotions are as well....the idea of shutting off the phone, not texting ect is what you have to do for your on sanity & do not feel shame for it.....you put up with a lot more than I would have...first really nasty comment by my boy would have had his bags packed & on the front porch.....They can find their own way if needed & it sure sounds like they need to do this for the sanity of you & others...
We all do really stupid hurtful things when we are young & hopefully someday your boy will see what he has allowed to happen & maybe come to you & ask for forgiveness...as for the so called girl friend...she is definitely poison....I hope that she can never get pregnant as she will create little poisoned children if she doesn't get her head on straight.
Anyway you keep doing what you are doing for yours & your hubbys peace of mind & know this is not on you...will be thinking of you...xoxo...Michele'
Chickens RULE!
hen #2622
theoldbatzfarm.blogspot.com |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 11:17:25 AM
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Oh Connie wow, I can't imagine...PMDD is a real thing; it is the most severe form of PMS and results from a serious hormone imbalance. HOWEVER, I don't believe this girl. My niece has PMDD and is nothing like this. She is on the pill to straighten out her hormones, and is as sweet as ever.
Sadly, it sounds like your son has fallen for a predator. Tough love is the only thing you can do. Lots of hugs and good thoughts your way.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 1:10:06 PM
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I'm so sorry for you. However, given time, if you've raised him right, he'll come back...with a lot of emotional baggage. But, you'll see it through and things can work out. Things won't be ideal, there may be grandkids in the mix by then, but, you'll see it through again.
I'm not trying to be heartless, just had something sort of similar happen. One step/day at a time sound trite, but, too true. Hold fast the things you know are right and he'll come around. If you don't, you're opening yourself up to all sorts of storms that will be way worse than this, if you can believe it!! So, hang tough and do what you know is right for you and your family.
Thinking of you!!
My website: http://antlersantiqueswindchimes.weebly.com
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Sugar Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
108 Posts
Pamela Jean
Sugarloaf
Ca
USA
108 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 1:23:48 PM
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Connie sorry, but at this point all you can do is let him know, that when he is ready to change his attitude that you are there for him and always will be. Then you have to cut off all the texting, change your number if you have to, so they don't keep you upset. Pray.
Pam
Stand for What's Right!
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wSZ8KGU/]
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 3:32:28 PM
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Connie, I'm so sorry you're going through this. This girl has grown up in an abusive home and knows all the tricks of the trade, including manipulation, lying, projection, triangulation, the whole nine yards. Like many children of abusers, she seems to have become abusive herself. All this makes your son angry. He may have a desire to "rescue" this girl and she's taking full advantage of that. He's confused, on top of everything.
Others here will disagree with me, but I believe the last thing you should do is cut your son off. He'll need you, but won't want to appear to have been victimized by this "love of his life" -- it would wound his pride something awful. The result of being cut off from you could well be that he'll be further sucked into this poisonous family, with predictably disastrous results. Please open your heart and your door to him. Just make it clear that you're on his side and while he might not like it, that will mean rejecting his girlfriend and her family -- or rather, rejecting their behavior.
You might want to share with him how sad you are about this turn of events and how much you look forward to helping him find a better balance in his life. Ask him what he needs from you. He may shoot back that he needs nothing, and if he does, that's okay for now. Tell him so, but also tell him that if he'd like to have someone to talk to who is on his side, you will always listen and try to understand. I think it's important for him to get the "I'm on your side" message, which appears to have gotten lost somewhere along the way.
Does your son have any interest in getting his girlfriend into counseling for the effects of growing up in such a miserable home? She may not realize how she's perpetuating the cycle of abusiveness. It would be a kindness to give him the names of some therapists or family counseling programs she could check out, with or without him.
My heart breaks for you, Connie. What an awful situation. I hope you don't mind my busybody advice. |
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Bushel n Peck
True Blue Farmgirl
251 Posts
Tracy
Truly
MT
USA
251 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 4:20:05 PM
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I will pray for you, you and your husband are the sane ones.
my blog: http://bushelnpeck.blogspot.com
Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.
C. S. Lewis
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Okie Farm Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
1674 Posts
Mary Beth
McLoud
Oklahoma
USA
1674 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 8:12:27 PM
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Connie, I am so, so sorry that you are having to face this terrible situation. We had to let go of one of our children many years ago for a very similar situation and it just about killed me. I continued to tell them that they were loved but that their actions and choices were not acceptable in our home or in our relationship. One day, a year later, the doorbell rang and they were there, crying and asking to come home. I have never wanted to hug anyone so hard in my life. The place that helped me so much was AlAnon. Even though it is for the friends and families of alcoholics, its principles are a basis for dealing with any situation of abuse, manipulation, and anger. There are also groups based on AA and AlAnon called Codependents Anonymous and they are really great too. If there is anything like that around you, I would really encourage you to find one you feel comfortable with. I am a very strong Christian, and at first, I was turned off because I felt like the concept was not honoring God, but then I found out that Christians founded the organizations and that the 12 steps are Biblically based. They just gently lead to an understanding of God's power and care in dealing with difficult relationships.
Mary Beth
www.OklahomaPastryCloth.com
www.Oklahomapastrycloth.com/blog
The Sovereign Lord is my strength - Habakkuk 3:19 |
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erowease
True Blue Farmgirl
294 Posts
Lesley
Edmonds
wa
USA
294 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2012 : 8:28:29 PM
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I will keep the situation in my prayers. It is not an easy one. From my own experience, the more my mother told me not to marry my former husband the more I was going to do what I wanted. Twenty years later I had to listen to my mother say I told you so. But you know what, I had to learn it for myself. Take a breather and see if there is a way you can come up with a solution so that your son will know that whatever happens you will be there for him and see if there is a way to find a middle ground in the mean time. At some point he is going to need you. If they end up living together somewhere, who knows maybe your son will see the "light" before its too late. Toxic relationships are really hard, all you can do is try to ride out the storm and pray.
Lesley
#2950
"I see God in the eyes of every child...every life is precious to God, whatever the circumstances." Mother Teresa |
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2569 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2569 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 02:09:16 AM
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it's a new day and a new set of realities for me. well my son moved maybe half his stuff out last night. prior to coming over to do so he had an 'about change' in attitude and calmly talked to me. the one part of my son i had not mentioned in all this, was his father.
I was in high school when i met his father, he was older (i was friends with his sister in school). after graduating i became pregnant. throughout my relationship he was terrfyingly abusive. i managed to escape, literally. i had always been honest to my son through the years why his father was not in his life. though i gave him several chances to be a dad, he'd either threaten someone in my life, etc. he has a large family on his fathers side. i had to keep him away from all of them because it would of been impossible to let him see them without them telling his father. i rarely received child support. besides that, all of these years i've been living in fear of him finding me again, having nightmares that he would kill me. it was only 10 yrs ago that he told a guy i was dating "i'll be out there in an hr to put a bullet in his head", and telling me at the same time that i was the best thing that had ever happened to him....(mind you, at this point ten yrs had passed since i left him).
since last year, with his girlfriend, the issue of my sons father has come up. i tried to stress to them both that he is dangerous and i was afraid he'd find me. his girlfriend would always dismiss my fears and i resented that. with the apparent influence she has over my son, of course he would get worked up about his father. SO, my son tells me yesterday over the phone before coming over that he has seen his father, several times, and that he bought him a house! I asked my son to see the pictures. I saw them all.
It makes sense now, their behavior, the attitudes, the lying. But my son assured me that his father had no intentions of hurting me. all this time he was in contact with him and kept it from me.
I'm confused. i know it's natural for him to want to see his father, but part of me feels betrayed, and the other relieved. I told him last year, that if he wanted to see him, not to take his own vehicle, because the plates can be traced. (he had someone find me once before). him and his girlfriend said they wouldnt, but they did. I wonder if he was not with this 'girl', if he would of pursued his father? i also wonder, HOW could he want anything to do with someone who had hurt and terrorized his mother so much? it seems sick.
My son says his father is hurt. he fell into a man hole and broke his neck and back and is having a hard time. about 2 yrs ago a PI came here investigating his father for insurance fraud for a man hole accident! At that time I asked the guy how he found me (dumb question right?, being a PI and all) it renewed my fears.
this house that his father bought him is not in my sons hands yet...so we'll see how that works out. karma is coming around quickly. i feel my son's girlfriend has played a large role in decisions he's made, and now that all of this drama has thrust them together into their own apartment when they didnt plan on it this soon, and possibly soon into a world where most of his relatives are (and far away from the comfort of her family), i cant help but feel that all of what she helped shaped is going to come back around fast to bite her in the a$$ and she is going to regret it!
i know it's not christian-like, but i dont feel sorry he was hurt....after everything he did to me. i had to have 2 surgeries because of being hit by him.
I know how much his family must of missed him though, i was happy his grandma got to see him again, she loved him so, and it's been at least 11 yrs since she's seen him.
connie
http://www.naturemaiden.com/ - Soap & Candle
http://modern-day-laura.blogspot.com/ -My Personal Blog
http://www.prairiefarmherbs.com/ -Herb Plants for the Home Garden
http://www.thriftyfarmgirl.com/ -My Online Thrift Shop
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Edited by - naturemaiden on Jun 21 2012 02:17:07 AM |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 02:55:20 AM
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Connie, You did the most important thing. You called a halt to the hurtfulness. Take a while away from each other. Hopefully in the future some healing can begin. In the meantime, who needs the constant aggravation.
You are in my thoughts,
Marianne |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 03:57:43 AM
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This sounds SCARY to me.
I hate to say this, but just wow, I don't know why a "man" would want contact with some one who hurt his mother! Something is for sure wrong with him. Be, very very very careful. I would be afraid he would bring this man to your home!
That was not a stupid question to the PI, I would want to know as well....you don't want this man finding you!
This woman has problems. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. I had a uncle (he's since died....was murdered), who something simular happened with. When he was a teen, he got involved with this girl, who came to my grandma and gave her a sob story. My grandma bought it, and let her move in. A few months later her mother and brothers came beating on my grandma's door threatening to hurt grandma. And all the stuff the girl said was lies, she wasn't kicked out, wasn't being abused etc etc. By then it was too late she was preggers...they ended up having two children together. She really poisoning my uncle against my grandma....and they ended up stealing my grandmother blind when she got older and had alzhimers. He would always believe all the lies that woman would tell him about grandma, or my mother, etc any one in our family. For years she would leave horrifying messages on my grandma's phone, like she was mad at my uncle so she beat one of the children's heads in to a dryer at the mc donald's (a true message she left on the phone!). All kinds of things...she now lives next door to my mom, in my grandma's house that she stole from her...and causes problems to this day...now using her new husband to help her with this. (since she killed my uncle!).
With him contacting your X, I think I would cut off ties...I would be so afraid....my uncle had "daddy" issues as well....
This all sounds so familiar though. Scary! I agree though don't get into war or words with them in texts, it will all be for not.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 07:01:25 AM
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Okay, I'm going to be the meany here. *flame proofed jammies zipped and ready to go*
Stop with the 'christian' stuff. You have someone who wanted to flat kill/hurt you years ago. Even after 10 years he was still looking. So what if he fell in a manhole?? The man wanted to kill you!! To me, from the tone of your post, there is a little niggling that you've let your guard down a little bit, and how do I say this (?), and you want to give the benefit of the doubt. DO NOT. The man wanted to kill and hurt you years ago!!
You love your son, got it. Your son has been seeing his father without your knowledge and put you in a vulnerable position. Got it. You son is with a wacky woman and can't see the forest for the trees. Got it.
Get away, stay away, no contact. This whole things scares the bejeezus out of me.
No apologies from me for sounding harsh. I don't care if it is your son/daughter/gkid or whomever. Blood is thicker than water but when you can die, not from protecting them from the bad world, but from their stoopidity, it's time to move on. Maybe in time, things will pan out and your son will mature enough to see what he's done, but that's for later down the road. Right now, you are extremely vulnerable. Think this through like he was some guy on the street. Would you put up with this?? NO. Put yourself first here. He's a grown man (I hope I got that right)
Again no apologies. I'm thinking of YOU.
My website: http://antlersantiqueswindchimes.weebly.com
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erowease
True Blue Farmgirl
294 Posts
Lesley
Edmonds
wa
USA
294 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2012 : 07:12:39 AM
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This morning I feel called to recommend a book my counselor had me read. "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It has helped me deal with my issues. As a mom you did your best to protect him growing up and all you can do now is let him find his own way. Abusers are really good at hiding it from others so hopefully your son is forewarned and will keep his eyes open. I think the hard thing for you to come to terms with is the fear that you now have to deal with. Offer it up to God and ask his angels to watch over you.
Lesley
#2950
"I see God in the eyes of every child...every life is precious to God, whatever the circumstances." Mother Teresa |
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Across the Fence: Heartbroken but now Healed :) JULY UPDATE |
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Heartbroken but now Healed :) JULY UPDATE
