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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Sad and scared  |
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marlee
True Blue Farmgirl
1650 Posts
Marlene
DeRidder
Louisiana
1650 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 25 2012 : 2:28:26 PM
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Alyce, one of the ex-wife's of the family member that I was talking about come to see me and told me a bunch of things he had done and she
wanted to get all her stuff and leave. I said does he know she told me no. She worked so that is what I told her to do. She said she couldnt save that much money because he always controlled the money. I told her get a packpack stuff a few pieces off clothes and papers .And I told her to go to the Woman shelter in town. She did. He called for two weeks looking for her. She got the state Police to go with her because he was a former officer with conservation so he kneww all the police here.State police went with her and got her stuff and she divorced him and moved back to her home town. Im glad she did.Happy ending!
I will keep you in my prayers.Hugs Marlee
God is the painter, he paints the picture. And his son builds it, for he is the Master Carpenter! |
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rksmith
True Blue Farmgirl
858 Posts
Rachel
Clayton
GA
USA
858 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2012 : 4:31:31 PM
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Alyce, I do hope things improve for you. I can certainly understand having the hope and idea that things will improve, but it doesn't seem that it will especially if things like this have happened before. If his mom gets him so ill like that then why is she even in his life? Definitely don't fall for the apologies, candy and nice words. You've spelled out what you want, make him (and you) stick to it. If things don't change by a set time, hit the road. If things get worse again, hit the road. You can replace a house, belongings heck you can even replace a husband---you cannot replace yourself. ALWAYS put yourself first. There is no reason to stay in a relationship where you are not safe at all times --this includes emotional and mental safety as well. From his actions, it does sound like he definitely needs help and ALOT of it..but it won't do him any good if HE doesn't want to get better **remember that**. You can say all the prayers, light all the candles and he can see all the *best* doctors but unless he WANTS to heal he won't. Stashing a little cash and supplies here and there is always a good idea (even in a good relationship--you never know what kind of situation may come up) and always have a back up plan and a plan C.Keep those who live near enough to help out informed of what's going on and make sure you have someone who can come right away if assistance is needed. I would also suggest that regardless of him getting professional help, you should see a counselor as well. Definitely do not let yourself feel or think that you *have* to be there with him to help him, especially if he doesn't want help. Don't be guilt tripped. As for his mom, I'd let her have it and tell her that she is one cancer that will be permanently cut out of your life (if he doesn't agree with that, hit the road). She sounds like she needs help too but is the type who thinks it is always someone else that has the problem. If I could I'd pop her a good one for you.
Rachel
Farmgirl Sister #2753
True enlightenment is nothing but the nature of one's own self being fully realised-- His Holiness the Dali Lama
http://madame1313.wordpress.com/ |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2012 : 10:22:31 AM
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Marlee, Rachel, thank you. I am making plans to escape if he does not change by the deadline I gave him.
The good news is that his behavior has actually improved since I laid down the law. He got frustrated about something the other night and caught himself when he realized he was on the verge of a tantrum. He even admitted yesterday that he's immature--and says he's ashamed of it.
As for his mother--I wish he would cut her out of our lives. He is, however, learning to refocus his energies so she doesn't get him so worked up. (And yes, she IS the kind who always blames everyone else for her problems. You should have heard her at Yule--and heard Ric give her a piece of his mind because he didn't like how she treated me.)
He has even started exercising so that he feels better and doesn't get so stressed. I wasn't expecting genuine changes; I don't think I know how to react!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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rksmith
True Blue Farmgirl
858 Posts
Rachel
Clayton
GA
USA
858 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2012 : 4:07:19 PM
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Sounds good that he is making an effort at least. Just don't give in on what you expect. Do not allow yourself to collapse into this moment of joy. I think it is awesome that he is admitting he has issues but it will be a whole lot better once he truly decides to deal with them. Even then though always put yourself first and have a plan if he backslides. Good fortune good fortune.
Rachel
Farmgirl Sister #2753
True enlightenment is nothing but the nature of one's own self being fully realised-- His Holiness the Dali Lama
http://madame1313.wordpress.com/ |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Feb 27 2012 : 11:11:12 AM
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Oh, I haven't. I'm not even letting him get away with his bad jokes right now. Hey, somebody has to look out for number 1, right? 
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Sad and scared |
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Sad and scared
