| Author |
Family Matters:  What's so wrong with being a homemaker/housewife?  |
|
Sharon Denise
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
Sharon
Temple
TX
USA
211 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 31 2012 : 12:21:49 PM
|
Hi ladies. I'm needing some encouragement. Mind if I vent? I don't understand exactly when it became a stigma to want to be a "housewife." I went to college, I got my masters degree, I've been working working working like I'm "supposed" to, but all I want is to be able to stay home! I want to clean and cook for my husband and volunteer. I want to be able to homeschool my stepson and the future children I pray for. My husband wants this for me too, but we both belonged to that society that taught that it was the height of success to rack up debt, and then work yourself to death to pay that debt. Never to pay off that debt, just to maintain. We know better now, but I feel trapped. Then, there's inevitably someone who thinks I'm crazy. "You're still paying off your masters degree, but you don't want to work? What a waste!" As if being a homemaker isn't work. "But you don't have any kids! It's not like being a SAHM. At least that's a valuable use of your time." First of all, my stepson IS my child. He lives with us 7 days a week. (That's a whole other vent session.) I agree that women should never be forced to stay home. They should have options and choices. However, if I realize I made the wrong choice, shouldn't I be allowed to try for something else? Why does that mean I'm lazy or a quitter? Why am I an affront to feminism by wanting to choose this most natural of Biblical roles? My husband helps cook and clean and is a wonderful man. I just want to be able to do that for him, rather than both of us working full time and then both working again when we get home. What's your take on this? Have any of you turned your back on a job/lifestyle you worked hard for but then realized isn't what you really wanted? How did you transition? And when exactly did "homemaker" begin to conjure up images of uneducated women who do nothing but watch soaps and eat bon-bons all day. As if! >:-(
Farmgirl Sister #3754
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning."
~Louis L'Amour |
|
|
Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2012 : 12:47:48 PM
|
Sharon, I'm a woman who marched for womens rights and you are just the type of person I was marching for. It is a CHOICE. Just as a woman should have a choice to be a plumber or a firefighter, you can chose to stay home. Your stepson IS your son, I agree. If you can afford it, stay home and care for your home and your family. You are not crazy at all and there is no way to "waste" a Masters degree. You still retain the knowledge which helps you in your home and your community. I "pat you an the back" for your decision. Stay convicted. Every family has the fight to say what works for their family. You could always tell people that you are a "Domestic Engineer." LOL Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
 |
|
|
Karrieann
True Blue Farmgirl
1900 Posts
Karrieann
Northeast
Georgia
USA
1900 Posts |
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2012 : 1:20:42 PM
|
I am one too. I was a house wife for 5 1/2 years, and have now been a SAHM for almost 5 1/2 years (will be 5 1/2 in March) so that's a total of 11 yeas I've stayed at home. I must say before I had children, people did give me side ways looks. Personally I don't care, it's what I always wanted to be! I don't judge them for not doing it it so why judge me for doing it! If your friends are doing the judging find other friends. It also helps to not have the sideways looks by either avoiding the question when asked, pretend they didn't ask and keep talking about something else. OR you can do volunteer work and just say that's what you do. That's what I would do in NYC a lot, cause believe me, I was the ONLY homemaker with out kids I knew of! ONLY! And I was even constantly bugged by my MIL to get a "job". But, my husband and I had discussed this before marriage, and this was our choice, and what we both wanted!
Ironically we just had this talk at my last LLL meeting (la leche league-a breast feeding support group) a lot of breastfeeding moms get bullied about going back to work too! And many don't want to either! They want to stay home with their babies even if they previously worked before having babies. I think it's natural for the majority of women to want this. UHG I hate people being judged either way. Just do what's best for you and your family and surround yourself with less judging people, or people who do the same thing as you.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Bayou Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
252 Posts
Jennifer
Star City
Arkansas
USA
252 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2012 : 1:21:50 PM
|
Sharon, I can completely relate to what you are feeling. I, too, have a master's degree and was reared in a two "bread-winner" household. I always felt that I had to go to college, get a degree, work my whole life at a career, and then retire and enjoy life later. When I entered my career, (I'm a teacher, by the way)I loved my work. I loved my students as if they were my own. I loved the preparation, the projects, the teaching....all of it. However, the teaching profession has changed dramatically since I entered the field. (That's an issue all by itself) My work is becoming more of a chore and less rewarding. My pay is below the national poverty level, not that pay is the main issue, at all.
I grew up a city girl, and a little over 6 years ago, I finally moved into my very own home on 5 acres. I enjoyed working in the yard and making the place my own. Then, I was becoming more and more concerned about the quality of the foods I was feeding to my family. I began researching sustainablility, and have started taking baby steps in that direction. I have fallen in love with the "farming" life and taking care of my family and animals and garden. I feel very torn because I want to stay home and maintain my household and hobby farm. I wish there were opportunities available in rural areas to give people like you and I choices. We deserve choices. I hope I am teaching my children to live a life and make choices....not live the life they think the world expects them to live.
There is nothing wrong with women choosing to work outside of the home, and there is nothing wrong with women choosing to work at home, either. It's a matter of what works for each of us individually. |
|
|
|
buggysmum
True Blue Farmgirl
110 Posts
Shelly
110 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2012 : 1:35:06 PM
|
We seem to live in a society where people feel that they can just dish out their "opinions" of others without holding back. It seems that everyone has an opinion. I wonder if it's insecurity? People have to judge others to justify their own choices in life. Granted, it is good that now we DO have choices, whereas our grandmothers generation didn't really (I should quantify that with the fact that my grandmother was born in the 1800's). So people make those choices and then spend their whole lives wondering if they made the right one and take it out on the ones who made a different choice?
The "battle" between the SAHM's and the "working" moms (as if all moms don't work --- I don't really like that term)...is so heated and so ridiculous. Everyone should do what is right for them, their family, and their situation. Don't listen to others, they don't walk in your shoes or live your life.
I get a lot of "opinions" from SAHM's --- friends, moms at DD's school, family members, etc. Even my best friend. It always catches me off guard because I would never dream of saying something negative to them about their lives. It doesn't have to be this way. It always strikes me as odd that my situation is so important to them that they'd go out of their way to say something and thereby hurt my feelings.
I know both great and terrible "working" moms and great and terrible SAHM's. We all have to do what works for us and our kids and hopefully we get it right and find our own balance as moms. |
Edited by - buggysmum on Jan 31 2012 5:41:26 PM |
|
|
|
MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2012 : 1:36:16 PM
|
I am a SAHM and I homeschool. People like to get into other peoples business and tell them how to live. I have heard it all. Oh, you stay home, you can do the food for the bible study since you'll have the time to do it. Well, I figured since you stay home, you would have seen what happened on General Hospital. Duh!!!
Like I have nothing better to do.
Do what your heart and God is telling you to do. If hubby is behind you, go for it.
Don't let "what I should be doing" get in the way of a very fullfilling life.
Amy
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
www.flossesandcrosses.blogspot.com
www.morganicinstitute.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
|
|
|
|
farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2012 : 2:05:51 PM
|
I remember having a similar conversation with a (very conservative christian) friend about feminism. This was many years ago before I had kids and I expressed my desire to be a stay at home mom and how my husband and I were working to make that happen. I made some off handed comment like "So what do you think I tell all my feminist friends now?" She, without skipping a beat, said "Feminism was never about telling every woman they needed to go out into the world at hold a paying job. It was about having the choice to either work outside the home or stay home. Somehow people have forgotten that." I'll never forget that conversation!
Props to you for knowing what you want and working to attain that goal. When people ask me why in the world I would want to stay home all day and do housework or be with the kids, I generally just smile. If they get in my face, I remind them there must be some worth to what I 'm doing because people are PAID to do what I do outside of their homes. (Cooks, housekeepers, child care, teachers, etc.) That generally shuts them up. :)
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2012 : 4:19:59 PM
|
"Feminism was never about telling every woman they needed to go out into the world at hold a paying job. It was about having the choice to either work outside the home or stay home. Somehow people have forgotten that."
I agree. I think somewhere along the line, some feminists turned raising awareness into bullying others. Most just want other women to know that they have the choice to do what they want with their life. That wasn't always the case. I'm 38 and I can remember when it was still controversial for a women to enter the work force. I work outside the home and am very happy with my decision. I think no matter what choice a woman makes, she will get some flack about it. Personally, I've been openly ridiculed and told that I was selfish and cheating my child. Truth is, I did stay home for awhile when my son was a baby and I was grateful to get back to work. For me, work recharges my batteries and, I think, makes me a better mom.
Really, it's a shame. Women should be supporting each other, not rushing to judgement.
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama |
|
|
|
oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2012 : 4:29:11 PM
|
One of my favorite things I ever got from my late Mother-in-Law, was a ceramic plaque that said: "A man works sun to sun, but a womens work is never done"...stay at home moms/wives, work themselves to the bone sometimes, especialy when we are worken a farm/ranch/household and having children on top of it all...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
|
|
|
Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2012 : 5:59:03 PM
|
Sharon ~ Being who you are is one of the most empowering and delightful things you can be in life. That spend until you are a slave to the banks thing doesn't really work so well. I'm a stay at home girl due to disability, and taking care of our little house ( I'm a lousy housewife at time, but I DO cook pretty darned well ;) ) our animals, the garden, our up coming chickens and general life's chores is about what I can do, and leaves time to write and sew and do woodwork projects =)I need to find a way to make a living around my handicaps, so that I can free up disability money for some one else, but I'm pretty satisfied being me. Women have the choice to be what ever they want. If you want to do it, find ways to downsize and live less expensively and personally, if people give you lip about being a "common housewife" tell them that it's what makes you happy in life. Don't let it get to you. *HUGS* Looking at the jumbled too fast way people live anymore it's about time some of us realize that your home is the place where your family feels safe, nurtured, loved and connected with each other. You are the heart and nurturer of the family! Being a homemaker IS work, the home is important to everyone's well being. I hope that if more people become home makers again, we will have more respect for the sanctity of life,and less broken homes and people. Be who you are!
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
http://thegimpyfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
http://pinterest.com/annikaloveshats/
|
|
|
|
Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2012 : 6:37:31 PM
|
Sharon, what you do is only your business. If your husband is supporting you, not one comment from any one person should matter. There is nothing wrong being a housewife or homemaker. It is the choice some of us choose. I made that choose several years ago. I loved your comment about your stepson being YOUR son. I'm smiling for that lucky fellow.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
|
|
|
GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2012 : 07:29:07 AM
|
Sharon, I envy you. My mother always pushed me to go to college and have a career. Fine, fine, so I did. The only problem is, I realized a few years ago that all I really wanted to be--was a housewife. The problem with THAT is that the Mister has been unable to hold steady work since his accident a couple of years ago, so I *have* to work to pay the bills.
Your life, your choice. Your husband supports it, your heart tells you it's the right choice--go for it and enjoy every moment with that little boy of yours. 
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
|
|
|
Sharon Denise
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
Sharon
Temple
TX
USA
211 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2012 : 08:32:18 AM
|
Wow, thank you all so much for the supportive responses! I'm so touched by what you've all said. Jennifer, I'm also a teacher and so completely understand what you're saying. I do feel trapped in a job that isn't what it used to be. We're not even respected in society anymore it seems. There was a period of time a few months ago when certain news channels were constantly running down teachers because we were whining about our cushy jobs and our summers off, etc., etc. This while they were defending corporations, no less. Ugh. The 5 acres you've described are *exactly* what we want. We're embracing the self-sufficient lifestyle, but we have a long way to go. Alyce, don't envy me yet! I'm also not financially able to stop working right now. I feel trapped by the debt we racked up in our "past life." We were maintaining fine, but three years ago my husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and was out of work for almost a year with treatments. He's doing well now, thank God, but we had to live on credit for awhile, even with me working. The bills were insane. So my goal is to stop working, but it will be awhile before that is possible. I get all this grief just *talking* about wanting to pursue this. You've all made me feel so much better. I'm not crazy, and I know this other life will be hard, but we both want it so much. We're going to learn as much as we can now and start scrimping, saving and paying off what we owe so we can find that little piece of land. Have a wonderful day, ladies! Here's to CHOICES and what we feel is best for our families!!! :-) Here's to the homemakers, the stay-at-home-moms, the stepmoms, the sisters, and the working women who thrive outside of the home. We are all feminists!
Farmgirl Sister #3754
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning."
~Louis L'Amour |
Edited by - Sharon Denise on Feb 01 2012 09:47:10 AM |
|
|
|
Lieberkim
True Blue Farmgirl
839 Posts
Kimberly
Sunnyside
WASHINGTON
USA
839 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2012 : 09:29:34 AM
|
I applaud you for thinking on your own instead of letting society and the media do it for you.
I'm a stay at home wife and mother. It's rewarding and hard work. I'm also homeschooling my children and love it. I agree that women should make choices based on what is best for their family and not what others think is best. I have worked outside the home. I was an accounting tech and I even operated heavy equipment in the oilfield. I gotta tell you being a stay at home momma is much harder. But so much better too, for me. I know women who would lose their minds if they had to stay home, so they shouldn't. Me personally, it would kill me to walk out the door every day and leave my children with someone else.
Work towards your goals and don't worry about the others. I know it's painful, I've heard the remarks too.
Excuse the mess & the noise, my children are making happy memories |
|
|
|
GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2012 : 11:19:24 AM
|
Oh goodness Sharon, I'm glad he's doing well! That had to be frightening. You're in my prayers; I have a feeling you'll be back on track before too long!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
|
|
|
lisalisa
True Blue Farmgirl
216 Posts
Lisa
Broomall
PA
USA
216 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2012 : 11:36:22 AM
|
Hey, Sharon, it's not easy no matter what! I've been a single mom who works, a married mom who works, and now a stay-at-home mom who "works". We all know it's a lot of work! 
You stand up for what you believe in, and when the time is right, you'll have options. Right now, your husband is well (thank God!), you're able to work, and you sound like you have a great son.
You have many blessings. The rest will come!
Hugs, Lisa |
|
|
|
knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2012 : 12:03:43 PM
|
Sharon I hear you. I'm at the same place in my life. Right now I'm working outside the home because we need the extra income but my plan is as soon as we are able to wean ourselves off of mine I'm going to be home with the kids (which is where in my heart I believe I should be).
We get such mixed messages today that it's our choice but it seems if our choice is to stay home we're critizied for it as if staying at home is doing nothing. I'm busier at home if nothing else.
You do what is right for your family, that's who ultimately counts.
Farmgirl Sister #3759
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"
"The things that matter most are not really things after all" |
|
|
|
wolfbaby63
Farmgirl in Training
15 Posts
Martha
Caledonia
WI
USA
15 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2012 : 12:20:16 PM
|
Sharon,
Do what is right for YOU and YOUR family, not what other people THINK you should do, they aren't living your life and thus have no say in what you do!
I was a SAHM for 9 years, until my youngest went to school full time, I LOVED IT!!
I work FT now, 2nd shift and I HATE it!...lol, even though my boys are all gone, I have enough things to do in the house, outside and crafts that I would NEVER get bored...I can't wait until I retire!
Congrats on knowing what you want and trying to make it happen!!
Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.
Proverbs 31:8-9
|
|
|
|
alterationsbyemily
True Blue Farmgirl
697 Posts
Emily
Chambersburg
PA
USA
697 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2012 : 6:00:31 PM
|
I second this vent!!
It is funny how stay at home mom's are lazy and a waste. My DH supports me in my venture and I started my sewing business just to help buy some groceries. My in-laws think I should get a job and make real money. I just let them have their rants and let it roll off my back. Kids can be expensive but being in debt is more expensive. I totaled how much I have saved with the second because I don't work and had the time to make the reusable diapers and breastfeed, just as a point each week of diapers $9 x (30) weeks, formula $20 x (30) = 270+600, and those a very conservative numbers.
You rock for being a stay at home mom!
---
Farmgirl #2951
No longer renting, offical farmgirl.
Check out my new blog at http://featheredhattrading.blogspot.com/
And my new Etsy listings http://www.etsy.com/shop/alterationsbyemily |
|
|
|
countrymommy85
True Blue Farmgirl
898 Posts
Krystle
MT
USA
898 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2012 : 7:27:13 PM
|
When I first read your original posting my first thought was "but feminism is all about women having the choice to work or not to work (out side the home)".... Then I read some of the replies and I guess I'm not alone! I'm so glad your husband is doing better!! One of my friends from college has stage 4 brain cancer and has 2 boys under 2 so we are praying God does a miracle for them. Anyway I get a lot of grief too about being a SAHM. Yeah, I dropped out of nursing school when I was pregnant and I have a years worth of schooling to finish before I get my bachelors in psychology. Oh well. I have the rest of my life to finish a degree but my kids are only with me for a short while before they start their own lives so it's totally worth it to put my career on hold for them. Plus during their afternoon quiet time (as long as baby cooperates, haha) I have time to do stuff either for myself (like read a book) or do some cleaning/organizing that I can't do with them when they are awake(like hauling stuff up in the attic... yeah, I tried it before and by the time I was turning around I had to quick run to the steps because I thought I heard something and sure enough, there's my year and a half year old almost to the top-yikes!) Anyway do what is best for your family. My husband and I started doing the debt snowball using Dave Ramsey's book and we should be debt free this year! Sometimes debts accumulate (like med bills) and you don't have a choice to willingly accumulate that unlike buying a bunch of brand new cars, boats, big toys, etc.... Being a stay at home mom isn't easy. But anything worth having in life is worth working for and standing up for :)Sometimes people are more critical about stuff just because they've heard other people being critical about it mainly because they are either misinformed or underinformed about it. A lot of people don't realize what SAHM's do. Don't worry about what they say, what matters in the end is definitely not living your life according to what your peers think you should be doing :) Just be patient with them and maybe you will start a trend too, maybe some other mom wants to make the plunge but doesn't know anyone else that has and maybe once she sees you making the change she will have the encouragement to do so as well :) Best of luck whatever you choose to do!!!
Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author Unknown
http://countryrenaissance.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SunflowersAndHoney |
|
|
|
SusanScarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
317 Posts
317 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2012 : 7:36:35 PM
|
| Our children are grown and I'm a homemaker. When people ask why I don't work I look them straight in the eye and say, "I'm a kept woman." They never know what to say and then I just change the conversation. |
|
|
|
countrymommy85
True Blue Farmgirl
898 Posts
Krystle
MT
USA
898 Posts |
|
|
MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
|
|
Sharon Denise
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
Sharon
Temple
TX
USA
211 Posts |
Posted - Feb 02 2012 : 09:45:03 AM
|
I'm a kept woman! Ha!! LOVE IT!! That sounds just like something my hubby would say! :-) Thank you all again for the wonderful posts. I feel like my time is coming, and I just have to hold onto the picture in my head until it's a reality. It's at least nice to be working toward a real goal, rather than just working to pay down the card enough to buy something else I don't need. I can't wait to get rid of satellite TV. Silly contract.
I'm so sorry about your friend, Krystle. :-( I'll be praying for her too. How scary cancer is, in all its stages and forms. HUGS
Farmgirl Sister #3754
www.facebook.com/bellcountybelles
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning."
~Louis L'Amour |
|
|
|
queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2012 : 08:31:34 AM
|
I'm a half time sahm. I work 3 days a week while son is in daycare. The other 4, I'm doing house work, or helping hubby with the farm stuff. I, too, have an AS degree as a vet tech, but good luck finding a job in this area. There is nothing wrong with being a sahm mom. Maybe, if you need the extra money, do some babysitting in your home. If I was interested in opening a child care facility, it would be an overnight one for mom's that work odd hours (nurses, etc). But, that is not an area that I am interested in, but just thought I'd pass it on to someone who might be.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
|
|
|
Family Matters: What's so wrong with being a homemaker/housewife? |
|
What's so wrong with being a homemaker/housewife?
