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Family Matters:  What's so wrong with being a homemaker/housewife?  |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 04 2012 : 10:30:18 AM
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Sharon I understand how some may think we are crazy to stay home and be a homemaker. I will be 60 this year and off and on I worked p/t. More off. My DH worked nights and we just agreed that I could stay home. I loved taking care of my home, cooking, and taking care of my family. We had two children I wanted to know what and where they were. As they became older, like Jr. High and High school I went to work f/t. I've been a office manager for two large construction companies, Dr. offices. And I truely enjoyed it. But when my grandchildren started coming, I was at home again. Both of the familys had two working parents, because they had to or wanted to. I have now taken care of 4 of them until they went to Kindergarden. NOW when it comes to being on SS I'm not going to do so well. But I have another grandbaby coming in March and I'm going to be there for him also. Everyone of my grandchildren would say that they are happy that I kept them. I was sure that they were ready for pre-school and Kindergarden. They learned to do things in the kitchen and learned many crafts.
And I'd never do it any other way. Sorry it was a long story just to let you know, that only you know what would make you happy. No one else knows what in deep in your heart. And if you feel the Lord wants you home, go for girlfriend. Sending you prayers for what you plan to do. Farmgirl Hugs,Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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Sharon Denise
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
Sharon
Temple
TX
USA
211 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2012 : 1:35:57 PM
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That's a really good idea, Lorena. :-) Brenda, I just started following your blog, small world! And I love long stories, thanks for sharing yours. It sounds like you really made an impact in a lot of little lives!
Farmgirl Sister #3754
www.facebook.com/bellcountybelles
http://bellcountybelle.blogspot.com/
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning."
~Louis L'Amour |
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buggysmum
True Blue Farmgirl
110 Posts
Shelly
110 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2012 : 2:41:14 PM
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| I love that comeback, Sharon. Why can't I ever think of a quick zinger when I need one? :) |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2012 : 6:34:02 PM
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Sharon so glad you have come to the blog. We have kind of slack at posting. Linda is now taking care of a grand-daughter and I'm to have a new grandson in March. I seem to be spending all my extra time, sewing for him. Hopefully we'll get back to it. Just want to say, Yeah!!!!! For all women! For whatever choice we make, its the right one for you and and your family. Than it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it. Go Farmgirl Friends, Lets Be Who We really ARE!
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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Betty J.
True Blue Farmgirl
1407 Posts
Betty
Pasco
WA
USA
1407 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2012 : 6:44:11 PM
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T'is no crime to want to be a homemaker. I think a lot of that criticism came about in the 60's when a lot of women wanted to be career women. I had a chance to be that during the time when I first became a mother. Hubby was too busy out playing around (with other women) to seem to be interested in his children. So you know how that went. He just wanted "to be happy" and I wasn't enough for him. That said and done, I'm much better off without him. It is a grand thing to be able to have a home that is spic and span. I would love to have a companion (male), but have made three bad choices in my life and don't want to make a fourth!
Sharon, there will come a time when you will be able to achieve your goal. You have achieved the college degree which I have not yet done, but there is still time.
Betty in Pasco |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2012 : 8:26:18 PM
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I'm going to put Susan's reply away for future use.
When I was going to school it seemed having the career and being equal to a man still wasn't enough. I needed to achieve more than the man. I needed to beat the man. That thinking led me down disastrous paths. Failed relationships and debt littered the ground. My thinking started to change when I became a mature woman. I realized the balance in the household. A man needs to feel like a man. I had to let go of being the boss of the house and dictating how every thing was going to run and everyone else needed to fall in line. It disempowered him. I see a lot of men who look as if they've let women take charge and they've given up taking any kind of responsibility. We're changing things at our house. It's taken 2 years so far, but I work outside the house 2 days a week and spend 5 days at home. We're doing the Dave Ramsey plan so I can work less. I've learned to live within my means and I feel sorry for those keeping up with the Jones'. I am happier and more at peace putting my household in balance with the way God intended. My most valuable accessory? My smile. I'm the richest person around because I am content.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2012 : 07:30:51 AM
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I have been both. A homemaker, a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, an entrepreneur. It always amazes me how when I worked, how my SAHM friends acted towards me, and when I stayed at home, how my working friends acted. I chalk it up to something underlying in their lives, not mine. I also got flack for staying home with ONE child. Outside childcare is expensive, and from my experience, nothing comes close to a mother's care. For me and my family, we are ALL happiest when I am home. I see a positive change in my daughter, my husband, and myself. Our health and home are improved. Do what works for you. Personally, my greatest happiness is being home with my child. I have witnessed her first steps, first words. I am there when she's had a bad day at school. I know what is going on in her life. You can't, and won't, make everyone happy. The only ones that matter are you, your husband, and child. Kudos to you, as well, for saying your 'stepson' is your son. How lucky he is. Be home, enjoy it.
Farmgirl Hugs,
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
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Dorinda
True Blue Farmgirl
1023 Posts
Dorinda
St. Cloud
Florida
USA
1023 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2012 : 7:12:46 PM
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I've been a stay at home wife and Mom since I was 18 and got married. I worked from 14 years old until i got married at 18. I have loved loved loved being a home maker. I have sat back and watched all of my friends work and struggle. It seemed like the more money they made the more they spent. They are all in credit card debt and hocked out mortgages. I have no credit card debt, or auto payments. We do have a small mortgage on our home we are working on paying off. I think because I did not choose to go out in the working world I was very careful with the money my husband brought home. I have absolutely no regrets and would do it all over again. I felt like I was providing by gardening and keeping everything in tip top shape. The vegetable garden has saved alot in grocery bills over the years. I only buy what I think we really need. We have been married for 33 years this year. Love my life and my home and Dear sweet husband. Really don't care what people think or say. It is my life and I have lived it like I wanted to. I have alot of friends that now are really envious of my life. They tell me that they should of stayed home and took lessons from me. They ask me are'nt you worried about collecting SS benefits and I tell them no because I will collect off of my husbands down the road if anything were to happen. God will provide he always has. My mother, mother in law and grandmothers never worked and they all did just fine. I say go for it . Stay home and enjoy it.
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2012 : 08:28:30 AM
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Dorinda, Love your reply!
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
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soapmommy60543
True Blue Farmgirl
2197 Posts
Ann
Oswego
IL
USA
2197 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2012 : 6:18:41 PM
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My circle of friends have all been SAHM's until recently, when it seems that everyone's youngest all hit first grade at the same time. These women all have college degrees. We live in a suburb, with mortgages and all of us trying to be mindful of our budgets. All of these ladies have stayed home until they felt their littlest one was fully ready to be without a mama for most of the day. Many of them still work from home, just in case. We are all proud of the fact that we chose our children over a career. There is (and shouldn't be) any shame in that.
And I agree - the feminist movement was about not only gaining the opportunity to choose our professions, but to be treated and paid fairly and equally.
Wife of terrific hubby and mom to 2 teenagers, 2 bunnies, 2 geriatric goldfish, and the best dog in the world!
Check out my blog: http://www.suburbanprairiehomemaker.com
and follow me on Facebook (Suburban Prairie Homemaker), Twitter (@sphomemaker), and Pinterest (Suburban Prairie Homemaker)
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Sharon Denise
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
Sharon
Temple
TX
USA
211 Posts |
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msdoolittle
True Blue Farmgirl
1149 Posts
Amanda
East Texas
USA
1149 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2012 : 08:34:24 AM
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(applause)
Thank you for this, Sharon. I have been a SAHM and a working mom. I had to work when I had my oldest child. It was that or go hungry. Fortunately, her grandmother kept her for a while and she also went to preschool for a while. When my youngest was 4 yrs old, she had been in preschool about a year or so and I decided that I no longer wanted to pay over 200 dollars a month for that, so I brought her home. You should have heard the absolute flack I caught from the school director for that! I mean, you would have thought it was child abuse and that she'd never 'catch up' when she went to public school. PUH-LEEZE. She is actually ahead in her class. Many of the kids in her class still talk like 3 year olds, so I hardly think she's 'behind'.
As everyone else has already said, for whatever reason, people now want to impose their beliefs upon you. While I happen to think that if at all possible, you should try to have a stay at home parent until the kids are school age, I'm not going to go stuffing that in your face either.
Love her or hate her, Dr. Laura Schlessinger coined the term 'feminazis'. Women who put you down when you put your family above your work. I don't WANT to be a man. I enjoy my 'work' right here at the house. I don't want to compete with men; I am perfectly happy right here. Yes, I am. The woman's movement was about choice, though now you'd never know that. When I came home to stay, initially it was overwhelming to me. When I accepted the FACT that my 'work' is never done, I was much happier! there will always be dust, laundry, and dishes. It is definitely a transition! when I cleaned at work at night, when I came back in the morning, it was *still clean*. Not so at my home! :0)
I wrote a blog about this a while back: http://mylittlecountry.wordpress.com/?s=housewife
Ignore the negative comments. You shouldn't have to defend your choice...people need to leave their comments to themselves.
FarmGirl #1390
www.mylittlecountry.wordpress.com |
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Simple Living
True Blue Farmgirl
1404 Posts
Joan
Staten Island
NY
USA
1404 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2012 : 12:30:59 PM
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I worked many years..right out of high school. Then got married worked another 3yrs...then had a baby and another baby. At this point in our lives we really needed two paychecks, but my Mr. Wonderful told me to stay home to raise our daughters. Aw! When they were in high school I started to go back to work and took jobs that were available (no matter if I had skills in them or not) I learned quickly. Well down the road I got lung cancer (I'm a survivor, don't pout all is good with the world) and since then I became a full time homemaker, wife and always available for my daughters, mother, and family! I love staying home, and I give credit to all moms who can't stay home and need to work. You do what you have to do...that's life, enjoy.
Happy Trails
Farmgirl 3842 |
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Betty J.
True Blue Farmgirl
1407 Posts
Betty
Pasco
WA
USA
1407 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2012 : 2:57:18 PM
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There is a lot to say about SAHM. The one thing that they need occasionally is adult conversation. I missed that when I was doing the "Mom" thing. When DH left to be happy I had to go back to work, but found the best day care provider. She was wonderful and my kids still remember her.
Betty in Pasco |
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buggysmum
True Blue Farmgirl
110 Posts
Shelly
110 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2012 : 06:06:30 AM
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| So glad to see compassion and understanding for both "sides" here...that's what I love about MJF. We all make our choices, and then we support each other in them. Life sends us down a path, and we work with what we have. |
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msdoolittle
True Blue Farmgirl
1149 Posts
Amanda
East Texas
USA
1149 Posts |
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missusprim
True Blue Farmgirl
400 Posts
Karen
Fostoria
Ohio
USA
400 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2012 : 10:12:15 AM
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Sharon, I have many thoughts on this. I will be 50 yrs. old this year. My previous marriage of 17 yrs. was to a man who certainly made enough money to where I could've stayed home with our two kids. I worked more because he wanted me to rather than because I had to. It was what he believed women should do. He, as well as both of his parents, were educated people. Both his parents worked their entire lives up until retirement with successful careers. I think this defined much of what he believe in where women were concerned.
My father was a factory worker and my mother was a SAHM. Dad provided well for my two brothers and I by watching every penny, budgeting, etc. Although money was tight - we were HAPPY. My Mom was and still is a fantastic person and mother who nurtured us into adulthood by being there. My Dad, having suffered numerous strokes, is still a great guy and individual despite his health issues.
That said, I wanted so very much to stay at home with my kids back then. I wanted to provide for them what I had, and more. And although I had a friend who was a SAHM - I was surrounded by people who silently looked down on the SAHM. Oh, the pressure! And my ex was relentless. It robbed me of so much in my self esteem, my worth as a woman and what I could've given our kids. Every day I was torn and unhappy.
Now, in my second marriage, I have to work in order to make ends meet. And mostly, that is just barely. Hubby wishes very much that I could stay at home as he knows it is what I'd like, and it's what he'd like as well. But I just can't, and I am okay with that. But as someone who works retail, I envy (and yes, resent sometimes) SAHM's who can go home after they get their shopping done and put their feet up the rest of the day.
So, I think there are so many factors to a woman being a SAHM and what they themselves believe or feel as well as the people surrounding them. It's their backgrounds, life's exposures, beliefs, etc. combined with that of the their husband and his backgrounds, etc. All it takes is one thoughtless person's snarky remark about you not working and a whole slew of doubt follows. Which I'm guessing is what prompted your posting on this?
Personally, I don't think anyone should feel shame at opting to stay home and not work. Man OR woman. Where is it written that it is the woman who should stay at home? Or that both parents should work? I think men can be just as nurturing as a parent as a woman can be. Here again, our society frowns on a man who stays home and the woman is the primary bread winner. (And this is probably another thread altogether!)
I feel it is a dying 'art' and way of life that is becoming a thing of the past. As you touched on, having that 'keeping up with the Jone's lifestyle' has become the norm. Rarely seen is the family that has one parent who stays home, a strict budget is adhered to, and maintaining a manageable lifestyle. Now we have a world of money hungry people who have become materialistic beyond their means that nearly kill themselves to have that in which everyone else has.
Where have our homemakers gone? Where is the woman (or man) who holds down the home front with the kids and provides that stable environment that the bread winners can come home to? And what happened to the (mostly men) who are actually okay with this? Certainly some of it can be attributed to economy, but not all........
On that note, I see nothing wrong with being a homemaker or housewife. Problem arises when the husband is not behind you on it, or you have too many people in your life who poo poos it, or you just plain let their negative views bother you (as in my case.)
Guess in hindsight I should've had pat answers or replies to the people (ex included) who looked down on my desires. Something witty, logical yet blunt enough to shut them the h*ll up. K, I'm done ranting!
Go for it!
P.S. I have to also mention the irony that I think a majority of the women on MJF are the very women who have/want or actually live that pioneering lifestyle in their souls as a homemaker/housewife. Am I right?
Farmgirl Sister #2984
"Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms." George Eliot
http://farmchicatheart.blogspot.com/
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msdoolittle
True Blue Farmgirl
1149 Posts
Amanda
East Texas
USA
1149 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2012 : 10:30:45 AM
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Excellent post, Karen. I am applauding with every word you wrote.
In regard to the dad staying at home, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and it certainly doesn't make a man any less of a man, which is what people would lead you to believe. My best friend's husband stays at home with the kids right now. They are 3 and 7. They have switched roles a time or two on who stayed home, but one of them has always been a homemaker. My husband, I believe, is the more patient of the two of us and when he keeps the kids, he does an excellent job, for which I am very grateful.
Just having finished Dr. Laura's "In Praise of SAHMs", she addresses the 'guilt trip' that others give you quite frequently. You're gonna get it, eventually, from someone. How sad it is that choosing your family first gets a thumbs down nowadays. Why does "work" trump everything? Of course, I am not speaking for those who have no choice; I had to work when my first child was young. It was that, or go hungry.
I was talking to a working mom quite some time back and she told me that when she sees all those 'soccer moms' (AKA SAHMs) through the window at work, she just wants to run them over! (Of course, here I am, being a SAHM!) Still, what I got out of that conversation was that she was feeling angry and guilty over working. I don't know their financial situation, but it is very very surprising when you put the pen to the paper on how little money you really NEED.
Anyway, I love your post.
FarmGirl #1390
www.mylittlecountry.wordpress.com |
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Simple Living
True Blue Farmgirl
1404 Posts
Joan
Staten Island
NY
USA
1404 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2012 : 10:37:21 AM
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Perfect wording Karen...life is hard.
Happy Trails
Farmgirl 3842 |
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Sharon Denise
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
Sharon
Temple
TX
USA
211 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2012 : 11:23:42 AM
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You have all made me feel so empowered and supported. I can't thank you enough. I'm sorry for the rant and the pity party. You all have such valuable, unique insights to this situation. No woman should feel guilty for working to support her family, and no woman should feel guilty for supporting her family on the homefront. I know that men who stay home seem to get even more flack for not being the breadwinner, which is so unfair. I'm more at peace with my goal now, so it will be easier to work toward it. I've sat down with Hubby and we've discussed what has to happen first to allow me to quit my job. I had hoped to not renew my contact for 2012-13, but it may be one more school year. Either way...at least I have a tangible, achievable goal and family and MJF sisters who support me! Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and opinions. :-)
Farmgirl Sister #3754
www.facebook.com/bellcountybelles
http://bellcountybelle.blogspot.com/
http://pinterest.com/bluemonarch/
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning."
~Louis L'Amour |
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alterationsbyemily
True Blue Farmgirl
697 Posts
Emily
Chambersburg
PA
USA
697 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2012 : 12:25:48 PM
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Susan I love the reply of a kept woman!
I have found out that keeping up with the jones' is a myth. My neighbor who has a farm both he and his wife work day in and out, but when they have farming questions they ask me, thank you MJF for putting all the info in my brain, but they think I have it all, stay at home mom, apple tree plans, and a food dehydrator. But they are keeping up and are never home to enjoy their farmette.
My family has said, that in two years I have grown into this person. My mother doesn't know who I am, my dad says I am a reencarnate of his dad, and my grandma can't stop eating my applesauce. And thanks to MJF, and joining the sisterhood, I have learned, I need to please me, not one other person.
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Farmgirl #2951
No longer renting, offical farmgirl.
Check out my new blog at http://featheredhattrading.blogspot.com/
And my new Etsy listings http://www.etsy.com/shop/alterationsbyemily |
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Simple Living
True Blue Farmgirl
1404 Posts
Joan
Staten Island
NY
USA
1404 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2012 : 12:29:28 PM
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you go Emily...nicely put
Happy Trails
Farmgirl 3842 |
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countrymommy85
True Blue Farmgirl
898 Posts
Krystle
MT
USA
898 Posts |
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mommatracy
True Blue Farmgirl
490 Posts
Tracy
My. Olive
NC
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2012 : 1:20:38 PM
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My daughter got married last year, had a baby, quit her job and is as happy as I have ever seen her. She has a Bachelors Degree and had a great job and her own home in Raleigh. She is 33yrs old and told me that this is all she ever wanted to do. She loves cooking, taking care of her home and has many stay at home friends that she gets together with. She has sold her house in Raleigh and she and her husband live in his home in the country back in our hometown. I am so happy for her.
www.cottagebythebay.blogspot.com
~Trust in the Lord...but row away from the rocks~ |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2012 : 2:27:16 PM
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I'm sure she is still widly unpopular, but Dr. Laura would applaud you for being your child's mother and there for your family.
Only YOU can make you happy so.......
KUDOS to you!! |
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Family Matters: What's so wrong with being a homemaker/housewife? |
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What's so wrong with being a homemaker/housewife?
