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Family Matters:  Looking for a post about marriage.  |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 29 2011 : 09:30:44 AM
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A little while back there was a post about marriage, and one of you ladies talked about how you protect your marriage by steering clear of situations or people that may pose a threat. The post was a perfect explanation, and I wish I could find it again.
I can't quit thinking about that post.
I have a friend whose DH has, "fallen in love," with her best girlfriends twice !!!!!
I wanted to find the perfect way to explain, because it is so touchy.
Thanks for reading this.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2011 : 1:18:12 PM
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I may or may not of been the poster of such. I know that is one of my beliefs though as well and for sure how I live my life. And I know I've said it on many message boards.
I'm not sure how to explain it to your friend. For me and my husband, it's not that we don't have friends we do. It's just we have boundaries mainly because of our religious beliefs however, even in our religion it's a conscience matter and not a enforced rule, but rather just strongly suggested, not to spend alone time with members of the opposite sex. My husband and I neither one do. We also just don't nurture friendships with the opposite sex. Sure I am cordial and say hello, and even have fun with small chit chat with the opposite sex. However, I would never privately email a friend of the opposite sex, call one on the phone, or talk to one alone-ie I only talk to them in front of or with my husband present or in public places-church, restaurants, etc. I would never go meet up with a friend of the opposite sex though some where with out my husband, or other friends present. And I just don't cultivate close relationships with other menfolk. I find hobbies, and friends of the same sex to have "friendships" with. And my husband is the same, he only cultivates friendships with other men. Again he is not rude to my friends, and we are friends with other married couples and such as well. And have a lot of fun going out with them to parks, zoos, etc (wholesome activities). These are all things though we discussed before marriage, and both agreed with. I was the one that brought it up. And he agreed he thought the same way.
We also make it a rule to NEVER, no matter how close the friend/family member is to discuss anything disparaging about the other. If we have problems with each other our rule is to go to them personally (I go to him about my problems with him, and he goes to me with problems with me). Again we discussed this before marriage during our dating. We both agreed if we had problems beyond what we could fix, we would either go to our congregation elders for advice, or seek counseling that would be non biased, not friends and family. Cause even the best meaning friends and family could say or do something that would put a wedge in our marriage, just because they may be biased, plus that isn't information that some one we regularly are around needs to have. Every one is imperfect, and I DO trust my friends don't get me wrong, but let's just say a girlfriend knew of some problem I was having with my husband, and then something happened that tempted her to want to be with my husband or something, I don't know I just feel it can open a door I don't want unlocked, you know. Again I wouldn't have girl friends I don't trust, and I wouldn't marry a man I don't trust.....at the same time every one is imperfect, and I'm sure that's how every one who has a friend or husband that has cheated on them felt at one time, other wise they would of never been friends or married, right? So it's just our general rule.
I wish I knew of the post, cause right now I have mommy brain lol (pregnancy causes you not to be as coherent! lol) and if it was my post, my past post was probably more lucid! lol haha
Oh and one more thing is, my husband and I neither one believe in innocent flirting! We neither one engage in "innocent" flirting with the opposite sex, our own personal and religious beliefs don't believe there is such a thing as "innocent" flirting. Flirting even if starting out innocent gives people the wrong message at some point and just starts going down roads that married couples do not need. The only flirting we believe in is flirting with each other, no one outside of our marriage! I can't tell you the number of people who say things like it's ok to flirt/look, just not touch.....a few months/years later same said people are divorced and with the flirter/looker!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2011 : 2:51:43 PM
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DH and I live by the exact same rules. Also, no work "spouse," as the saying goes. I also remember a different post by someone about how to treat your husband. I remember the woman was having a problem with a disrespectful mother and her mother's son living with them and they were not paying their share of the bills on time. That was an excellent post.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2011 : 3:13:15 PM
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Thank you very much. I'm quite sure it was you. I really enjoyed reading about you two.
David and I live in the way. We believe that close relationships with the opposite sex leads to emotonal cheating ie: crying on another person's shoulder.
Basically it does come down to a deep love mutual respect. I have girlfriends that say, never say never, when I boldy say that my husband will never, ever cheat on me.
I don't think people want to believe the real truth which is, when you cheat on your spouse, you are cheating on your children. It's no good to mess with where kids sleep.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2011 : 7:01:12 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by FarmDream
DH and I live by the exact same rules. Also, no work "spouse," as the saying goes. I also remember a different post by someone about how to treat your husband. I remember the woman was having a problem with a disrespectful mother and her mother's son living with them and they were not paying their share of the bills on time. That was an excellent post.
I think that one was my thread. It's an ongoing problem but you know what? my sibs are better at pitching in now and my mother is finally ACTIVELY looking for a job-- she has several promising leads and is hoofing it in town every couple days or so.
I thank my husband for taking the lead on that and sitting down MY relatives and telling them how it was going to be. Way to be head of the house, babe :) It was such a blessing to me to not have to play monkey in the middle anymore of "us" vs. "them".
We also have had huge discussion on appropriate friendships. We've always believed that *anything* you would not want your spouse to see you doing or saying constitutes a form of cheating, and it's all dangerous no matter how and where it happens.
There was a woman my husband worked with who fancied him and it became a big problem. It didn't matter that they didn't have a physical affair, the emotional affair alone was enough to make him want to abandon the family-- and this is a better than average man. She just hit him at a really vulnerable time and she worked very hard to cultivate herself as the "perfect" temptation, that is to say- she lied her pants on fire all about her personality in order to look better than me in every way. (Faked tastes in food, tastes in music, movies, fake politics, fake morals, fake religion, imaginary bra size, fake single status-- she played herself off as a hopeless, lonely, hard working woman abandoned by her husband but she really had a 'casual special friend' the whole time.)
The entire workplace was convinced they were both nice people and should be together, and there was tons of pressure for him to leave me for her from colleagues! Very few people stood up and told him it was a bad idea. Apparently everyone "should do what makes them happy".
Thank God she messed up her lie and shattered the veneer before it really was too late.
The big takeaway from that whole experience is that the grass really isn't greener. Ever. If it looks that way, it's sitting on a septic tank.
We don't keep any friends that aren't "friends of the marriage"-- that is people invested in the success of our married life.
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
http://silvermoonfarm.blogspot.com/
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
Edited by - Dusky Beauty on Sep 29 2011 7:03:02 PM |
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countrymommy85
True Blue Farmgirl
898 Posts
Krystle
MT
USA
898 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2011 : 08:52:32 AM
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I really like what you said Jen, about not keeping any friends that support your marriage, that is sooo smart!!!
Right now my husband and I are doing the Love & Respect series with 4 other married couples and it's been really helpful to our marriage. I've read the Boundaries in Marriage book and that would probably be a good book to read, the regular Boundaries book is also a good book for everyone to read!
I found some women actually find married men to be more of a challenge so they actually look for men with wedding rings on. It's too bad our society has gotten to that point. Oh, another thing that I found helpful to listen to for some input was Mark Gungor's pod casts. He has an online radio show every Monday-Friday.
That is what I've found to be helpful anyways and also given both my husband and I perspective on our marriage and how to protect it from "outsiders". Your treasure is where your heart is so if it isn't with your spouse then your heart probably isn't in the right place. Well anyway hope you can find the right words for your friend :) Best of luck!!
Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author Unknown
http://countryrenaissance.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SunflowersAndHoney |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2011 : 2:00:45 PM
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I agree with everyone here, and luckily my husband does, too. We both agreed long before we were married that it isn't appropriate for engaged/married people to have "friends" of the opposite sex. We both talked about it and were of a like mind that to have close friendships with members of the opposite sex could lead to places that we didn't want to go. I'm not saying we ever thought we would cheat, of course, just that you don't want to start anything that could cause problems in YOUR relationship for any reason. I'm really glad he and I both feel this way, and we've been married more than 10 years now (together for 2 years before that, even).
I know a couple where the spouses believed in giving each other "freedom" to be friends with whomever they wanted - of any age or gender - with no questions asked. The husband became "friends" on a social networking website with LOTS of women - some of whom lived in their area. I told my friend this didn't sound like a good idea to have her husband online chatting and emailing his new female friends. She kept saying their relationship was so strong she wasn't worried. A few months later she discovered what had started innocently enough had evolved into her husband exchanging emails with one woman in particular a dozen times a day and the two were trying to arrange an in-person meeting. He admitted he was "falling" for this other woman just from their emails. My friend gave him an ultimatum and he broke off contact, but they were in marriage counseling for some time after. That, to me, was an example of how things can get out of hand in this regard even when it might not have been intentional.
I just think you have to protect the sanctity and "specialness" of your marriage as strongly as you can.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2011 : 3:27:05 PM
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What I really don't understand is why people are friends with their exes, when there are no children involved. I feel like people say goodbye for a reason, and if they still care about each other, or like being friends, then maybe they should have worked harder at the first relationship, than dragging them in tow through life.
We know SO many couples with these types of problems. We try to learn from other people's mistakes. If you are accountable for your actions, there is no forgiveness necessary. That's why I married my husband. I am really bad at forgiving. He lives life right, and is no nonsense. When we first got together we discussed the line, and how not to cross it. I was determined to get it right the second time. No excuses, right? It's hard to not discuss it constantly because we know so many that mess it all up.
Gosh I miss free Dr. Laura, and yes her stunt was super lame. I am my husband's girlfriend. :)
@Krystle- It's not just women that look for the ring. Gross right?
I had a lady at DH's work try to bring him bacon after he got cut off for blood pressure. He told me all about it. The owners loved our baby, so I stopped in and asked her to please don't feed my husband. She got fired soon after for continually climbing the ladder with a miniskirt. Married mother of four.
NOBODY GIVES MY MAN BACON BUT ME!
Are we the only married couple that shares passwords? We do it because we have way too many emails, and I am always shouting from the kitchen to print the Joann's coupon :)
I think that my friend has one of those , "freedom," marriages that Suzanne talked about.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2011 : 6:43:04 PM
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I know all my hubby's passwords Trish! and I reserve the right to check any and all of his accounts at random and he's ok with that. He and I even play online computer games together sometimes. In that environment a lot of women have found that all they need to do is hint that they are female, and shut in geeky men fall all over themselves to help them in game, give them game money and stuff. It's gotten to the point that he cuts off contact with any woman that acts remotely flirty, or talks about her dating life (unless it's a mutual friend and in a public chat where I'm participating too.)
I also want to add that I've found it best to be friends with women who are the kind of wife you want to be. A while back I was friends with a woman who was legally disabled, but really-she could have done a lot more than she did. She had her husband basically do everything; work, chores, cooking, laundry. She was very demanding and didn't do much to show him love or respect. She didn't influence me much, but she still influenced me to not be the best wife I could be sometimes as her snotty attitude rubbed off at times.
And by the by, I am 99% sure the expert poster on marriage on the respect thread was Ninibini. :D That gal has some great things to say!
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
http://silvermoonfarm.blogspot.com/
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
Edited by - Dusky Beauty on Oct 04 2011 6:45:58 PM |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 06:40:49 AM
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Hey Jen,
Can you post the link, please?
Yeah, no, I can't be friends with cheaters. I knew I had to marry DH after he told me about how he doesn't hang out with his oldest, dearest friend, when the friend is cheating. He tries to be a good influence on this friend. It worked for many years, but their line to cross has been crossed so many times by both, their marriage is a joke.
My new friend with the in love DH, is so much of what I want to be. She is quite possibly the nicest woman I have ever met. She is making me a nicer person. I am really hoping it rubs off on me. I think her main problem is that she brings her friendships too close to her marriage. She doesn't have ANY family at all, so maybe she's trying to make a sister. Careful, or she might get a sister-wife.
I am going to go ahead and say that the above statement is not giving men fair representation. I used to be what is called a Real Time Monitor for a call center. I used to monitor call flow, do statistics, run efficiency reports. Sounds pretty geeky right? I know all about IT guys, and some of them are fine men that don't go for women that play stupid or helpless. I would say it is a character issue, not a generality. Hint that they are female? You mean have breasts? So married geeks will do anything for breasts?
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 11:11:17 AM
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I don't really understand it myself Trish, but I've observed that if a person in those settings doesn't even have to say something like "Hey guys, I'm a hot girl with no boyfriend, give me some gold and I'll talk to you!"
Often the bad ones will type in an effeminate and flirtatious way for attention, and for some reason it overwhelmingly works. It's kind of a community known thing. I have true documented stories of female behavior in video games that would shock you. These women don't even sell their self respect for any more more than pixels in a rented universe.
I've also been sexually harassed on the suspicion alone that I might be female. ("You're a woman?" Yes, a married one. "Happily?") Plus the men who act like they are just friendly and frequently ask me questions or for advice, then they mistake my personality and proximity for interest. I'm usually in a leadership situation in that environment as well as experienced with game mechanics so my interactions are pretty typical and by the book. Like I mentioned before my husband has always been just as involved as I am so it's not like I even look available.
Anonymity usually brings out the worst in people I think.
(And this is the thread I had where Nini gave us all a 'teaching moment' :D http://www.maryjanesfarm.org/snitz/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=52568)
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
http://silvermoonfarm.blogspot.com/
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
Edited by - Dusky Beauty on Oct 05 2011 11:18:17 AM |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 11:23:40 AM
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I am confused to what is work place, and what is a fantasy game. If all of your problems are virtual, you should huck the computer out the window.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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Dorinda
True Blue Farmgirl
1023 Posts
Dorinda
St. Cloud
Florida
USA
1023 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 1:08:46 PM
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I was very fascinated by this post. My husband and I have been married for 32 years and we have run a business together for 28 years of it. We both have lots of opposite sex friends . Alot of them are business associates. He has probally over 300 phone contacts or more stored in his cell phone. Alot of females. Some are health inspectors, real estate agents, chamber members, office personel,ect. and friends wives. Now I do not have near as many as he does. My husband is a very socialble person. We have always had male employees. I am always surrounded by men. I did have problems with one of his hunting buddies about 10 years ago. He became very infactuated with me and started liking me alot. He finally ended up telling me he had feelings for me and I told my husband. So he gave up his friend ship with him and did not let him come over anymore. They still speak to one another when ever they see each other in town. He owns a car dealership where my husband buys his trucks. But they do not hunt together anymore. I see alot of girls flirt with my husband. But I have always trusted him in hopes that he chooses the right words and actions. So far So good from what I've seen. But now not long ago The guys were waiting for one of the inspectors to show up at the shop to inspect the pump trucks they have to be inspected every 6 months by the state. So the girl that normally does most of the inspections showed up . She is about 30 years old, long blond hair, trim and I would say very attractive girl. All the guys had that deer in the head light look on their faces. I was watching out the window at this. They did not know I was watching. My husband walked up to her and shook her hand and started talking to her. He took her over to the trucks and she started doing her job. The other guys followed suit.
They all stood around watching her. My husband seem to still be assisting her and very business like. But when she was done and walked away back toward her truck one of the guys said something
and they all started laughing and could not keep their eyes off her rear end if you know what I mean. Now my husband laughed along with them but he turned and walked into the barn when ever she was headed toward her truck. The other guys could not get that look off their face until she was finally in her truck and backing out. I saw them slapp each other on the back and laugh again. That night I talked to my husband about it and told him how uncomfortabe that makes a women feel and he said he would mention it to the guys to not do that again. A couple of days later they all came in and apologized to me. I told them that they did not owe me an apology but they did to the girl inspector. Anyways after reading this post it made me start wondering should I be worried?
I am getting older as I turned 50 this year. My husband seems to still be very attracted to me.
Am I being to naive and trusting? Hum!! I am not as out going as he is.
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 2:24:03 PM
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It's not about trust. It's about removing negative influences, because no one is perfect. Only you know your husband. When you say friends, you mean associates? Does your husband go on lunches with women for non-business reasons?
I would be willing to bet that you are your husband's girlfriend.
Do you care about you appearance?
Do you flirt with your husband, and make him feel so happy that it's you he gets to come home to?
Do you not grouch him about things that go wrong in your day when you see him after work?
Do you never use sex as a weapon?
If your husband has a wife, you
and a girlfriend, you
will he ever need another woman?
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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Dorinda
True Blue Farmgirl
1023 Posts
Dorinda
St. Cloud
Florida
USA
1023 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 3:12:30 PM
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No Trish, my husband does not go on lunches with other woman. Only his work crew. Yes most of the women on his phone is business associates. And only wife friends whos husbands are in business for them selves also and if he cannot get a hold of them he will once in a while contact their wives to tell their husband to call him. Also he always calls me to see if I want to meet them for lunch.
I do care about my appearance but about the past year I do not wear makeup as much as I use to. But I am always clean if I have not been working in my garden! I do flirt with my husband alot!!!
Maybe to much LOL! I always have a pitcher of sweet tea waiting on him when he gets home and a kiss to go along with it! No I do not grouch him because he has a quick temper and would not stand for that! I have never used sex as a weapon. I guess I am his wife and girlfriend! I think I have been worried a little because my Aunts and Mother have always told me that once my husband turns 50 we will start having trouble because he will start looking at younger women. They have always told me that since the first year we were married. And we both turned 50 this year. They say that is what happened to them. But I do not think that will happen to our relationship. People tell me I do not look 50. They usually guess my age at 40. Maybe I will just not think about it anymore! Thanks for reminding me that I am a good wife.....and girlfriend....
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 8:33:26 PM
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That was a great post from that other thread. Dorinda, you have nothing to worry about. My DH came home and said he told everyone at work that he was falling in love with me all over again! I can credit some of that to Nini. I saved her words and at times it feels like something out of the 50's, but she's right. I like rereading it, the Bible, and some other things to keep my perspective. Another thing that helps is when he gets home I get off the computer or stop what I'm doing and let him decide how the evening will go. He doesn't want to come home and try to talk to me through FB and me answering text messages. Once he's settled then I can go about my business. And if he wanted to go out to dinner, there's nothing so important that it can't wait a little longer.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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peafarm
True Blue Farmgirl
182 Posts
Penny
South Dakota
182 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 8:55:45 PM
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One of my proudest moments as a wife, was when my husband looked at me and asked "Can I take you for granted?"
As it turns out, my husband (who was on the road quite a bit at that time) was talking to fellow employees and they were discussing people who had gone home and found wife cheating on them or gone and that you can never say never when my husband tried to tell them that was something he didn't have to worry about.
So yes, dear. You may take me for granted. I will always be here waiting for you. I will never cheat on you.
And like Heather, I just plain don't believe in putting myself in that situation where I'm talking or emailing another man without husband being involved.
And I'm happy to say that marriage is just getting better after 22 years.
Penny
www.444Farm.com |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 9:53:03 PM
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I found this post and comments so interesting. I may be the only one on the planet BUT:
I have a few male friends and yes, I have gone to lunch or dinner with them alone. My husband has a few female friends and has occasionally gone to dinner alone. It makes no sense to me to cut off half the population just because they are the opposite sex. Having said that, let me also say... we have been happily married for 17 years. We have both always had friends of the opposite sex who share interests. We have several "couple" friendships. We have each others passwords and we do not facebook or play online games. I know all my husbands friends and he knows mine. I am his wife AND girlfriend and he knows I would never cheat on him or he on me. We talk about things all the time. We have both been in horrible marriges before. I never ever though about cheating on my ex-husband despite his terrible behavior. It is just not part of who I am. My current husband is a guy I knew in the 70s who came back into my life in the 90s after I had been single for 14 years. We NEVER take this marriage for granted. We are good friends and I would never deliberately hurt a friend and certainly not my husband. We feel truely blessed in this marriage and truely feel that this was ordained by God and would NEVER put it at risk. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2011 : 05:48:44 AM
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We have not cutt off the rest of the population. We are realists. I think it also has to do with time. I like to be with my husband, so we do lots of things together, because he is gone for 12 hours a day.
My friend, a woman, that I have known for 100 years, a friend of my family, asked me if my husband and I would sleep with her. This is a married woman, that I would before this, have no problem letting DH stop by to help her with whatever, because her husband is out of town a lot. I guess my point is that it can come out of left field, and that you have to be alert, and that trouble can come even from seemingly safe people.
Yea, we're not hanging out anymore.
Dh's mom, married three times, divorced three times
DH's dad, married twice, divorced once.
My Mom, married twice, divorced once
My Dad, MARRIED 4 TIMES! Divorced three times Six kids, four moms.
Look at what they have taught us......NOTHING
All we can do is try everything we can to do for Owen what none of the above did for us.
My MIL took a picture of DH and my Bro in law, of them hearing that their mom and dad were divorcing. David is six, crying holding his dad in the grass, BIL, has his arms crossed with fists in his armpits.
This picture is in a frame. She says she likes how it captures their emotions. We are never doing that to Owen.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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Dorinda
True Blue Farmgirl
1023 Posts
Dorinda
St. Cloud
Florida
USA
1023 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2011 : 05:52:58 AM
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Joey, We do not facebook either or play online games. We also have a lot of couple friendships. We go out to dinner with them together. We were high school sweethearts and have been married for 32 years. We also feel very blessed with our marriage. I would never ever cheat on my husband. I don't believe he would ever do that to me either. My oldest son is terrible with the ladies. He was just bragging to us last night how he had 4 girls who were in love with him and don't know what to do about it. He just got out of a bad relationship about 4 months ago. So he is playing the field right now. I told him don't go around breaking hearts. He is 29 years old and I do so wish he would find his true love in life and settle down. So he would move back out!!!!LOL.
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2011 : 08:52:29 AM
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I guess cutting off half the population is one way to look at it. Circumstances are different for everyone. DH and I are following Bible principles that haven't steered us wrong. We like these boundaries. Others would think they're too confining. For us it's one less thing to worry about. I don't get into other people's marriage and say "wow, they're really doing it wrong." We all have our own way and what works.
Trish- if you have a friend that's a 100 years old I wouldn't sleep with her either! lol DH and I also come from families that have a lot of divorces and dysfunctional relationships. While our boundaries may seem over the top it's a source of protection for us.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 9:35:01 PM
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Please understand that I was not at being critical AT ALL and I deeply apologize if anyone took it that way. I was just saying what works for us. I am CLEARLY in the minority. My husband has been retired for 6 years. We traveled the country for 5 years just us 2 together. He usually drives me to work and picks me up every day. We are SUCH good friends and truely enjoy each others company. We have grown together. My grandparents were married 50 years. My parents were together 50 years (Mom died at 49 and 1/2 years..so sad.) I was the first divorce in my family ever! My 33 yr old daughter has been happily married 13 years. My best friend has been married 37 years. We have just been so blessed. (I am NOT saying that others are not blessed also.) I am not judging anyone EVER. I'm just saying that this is a different viewpoint..not better, just different. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 9:47:04 PM
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I have re-read some of the posts after mine, and I feel terrible. I would NEVER say "Oh, they are doing it wrong." about anyones marriage. I would not challenge anyones Biblical principles (we are praticing Christians too). I did not meant to insult or upset anyone. I have 2 male friends that I have known for 45 years and yes, we are still close. They know my husband and fish with him and do sports and sorry, I trust them explicitly. I am so sorry that my post about my life upset anyone. Maybe I would be better keeping my minority comments to myself. I thought it was a dialog and I was just adding a different viewpoint. Sorry. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 11:31:16 PM
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I wasn't insulted/offended in the least. Even though I have a different way of life, every one makes their own choices. It's a conscience matter, it's not something written in stone in the Bible. It's something that some christians see as a protection for them, while others don't feel it a need. Neither is right or wrong. The main thing is each go by their conscience in the matter, and not push theirs on others.
I would bet those of us who choose to live the life that some of us have-guarding our marriage/friendships, is more of the minority then the majority.
At least I feel I am in the minority as far as I know. However, I also wouldn't judge or push my choices on others. Every one has to go by their own thoughts and consciences on such topics as this where there is no strict guidelines in the Bible perse, it's more of just a feeling some christians have to do so, and others not. It's important to not judge others for different feelings on such, at least I feel. Cause we also wouldn't want to cause divisions.
Personally I didn't feel you were trying to judge anyone or offensive, but like you said, just putting in your own two cents. For anything to be "right" for any one, they must challenge it, think on it, and really pray hard for the right choice for them. Going into any choice blindly isn't what God would want either. So I never feel offended by some one else's choices, other wise it would show me that maybe I haven't really thought out my own choice enough. A well thought out choice, is one that we have confidence in where it really doesn't matter what others believe or do, we know it's what is best for us. I feel the more mature you are in your choices like this, the less offended you are by others different choices in the matter. Again has to do with the confidence you have in it's right for "you".
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 11:37:36 PM
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BTW, my husband and I each have all of each others passwords too. We don't use them to check up on the other one, but as some have brought out we do sometimes play online games, and sometimes one or the other of us will be busy and ask the other to check "our" game and play it for the other! lol haha We also sometimes check each others email, mainly my husband wants me to check his for the point stuff, I have going to his email, he doesn't like clicking on the links to get the points/gift certificates. lol For me, I sometimes want him to check my email cause I'm too busy and may be waiting on a important confirmation email or such. I also have him check my blog sometimes to get a recipe or such, easier to to search the archives as the owner then a subscriber. lol So while I'm in the kitchen making something and forgot was it one tablespoon or one teaspoon, I'll yell over to him to check my blog for the recipe while I continue on to something else in the kitchen trying to get every thing ready. We have nothing to hide, so hide nothing. We don't even think about it, having each others passwords. Like I said it's more of a help for each other, then a I'm going to check up on him thing.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Dorinda
True Blue Farmgirl
1023 Posts
Dorinda
St. Cloud
Florida
USA
1023 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2011 : 06:31:34 AM
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Joann, I did not feel like you were being to critical. I did not take anything you said to heart at all. Everyone has their own opinion. And everyone lives their married life separtly and has their on beliefs. NO, your comments were fine you posted on this topic! I feel blessed to have you ladies to converse with! You owe no apology here.
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
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Family Matters: Looking for a post about marriage. |
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Looking for a post about marriage.
