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Across the Fence:  where is your man???  |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 08:04:22 AM
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i spent yesterday running. doing things papa always does. as i went i spoke with lots of different women. our story is different and yet the same. for me-- being disabled requires special needs. with papa gone it is WAY harder. moving cows and doing chores and milking and budget and shopping and and and and...sometimes i feel i shall fall down crying and never get up. my cup is over flowing with good. BUT dang this is hard. so during the big war woman had to step up. i believe we are in the situation again.if the men are unemployed for a long time some just check out mentally. some drink some are abusive. MANY have hit the road for work. AMERICA is on the move. behind me across from me down the road and on it goes the woman are alone. we are learning to hone those farmgirl skills. making fences or fixing the faucet. saving money making do. how is it for you. yesterday 4 woman including me cried together. our bones ache our hearts hurt and we do what is right in front of us and keep going. at least he is drawing a check. well gotta go milk 3 cows and feed 25 head of stock and sort produce bins. i have a home i am safe. i am loved and supported. it is just a big life. i did ride tatoo the other day. it was just like drugs. it felt so good to be on his back. he was the gentlemen he is known to be. happy days here everyday. i hope this is not a downer. i believe many of us are doing this alone right now. i know how hard it is first hand. happy days sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farm girl #1014
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MEWolf
True Blue Farmgirl
358 Posts
Margaret
Byers
Colorado
USA
358 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 08:22:32 AM
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Hi Sherrye,
I can so relate! I am thankfully able bodied, but the mental stress of having a spouse gone all the time is tough. I really respect you for carrying on as you do with physical limitations. My DH works for a company that builds wind farms. He travels all over the US and abroad all week long, almost every week of the month. Weekends are fraught with trying to jam projects in and we are always tired it seems. I feel badly because he never gets to just rest. So I can empathize! Hugs to you!
Margaret
“Kind hearts are the gardens, kind thoughts are the roots, kind words are the flowers, kind deeds are the fruits. Take care of your garden and keep out the weeds, fill it with sunshine, kind words and kind deeds.” ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1808-1882)
Farmgirl #3020
www.grey-wolf-farm.com |
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Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 08:28:25 AM
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My husband works full time at a job that pays him 4$ an hour less than his last one and goes to school full time to improve our position. This term his classes are online so it's no big deal but next term and for the next couple of years he will be an hour away from home every single day at the campus either at school or at work. It's going to be a really lonely time. He's pretty much only coming home to sleep, eat and do homework. We've been through rougher patches than that, but I'm still not looking forward to it.
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
http://silvermoonfarm.blogspot.com/
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 09:02:42 AM
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Although my dh passed almost two years ago, I do remember the tougher days. We lived in central Oregon for 10 years, Pete was a long haul truck driver and was gone all week, sometimes two weeks at a time, and many times much longer than that. We were in a remote area, there was much to deal with, even though we had no livestock. It was keeping the driveway plowed, making sure the snow slid off the snow roof, removing that snow (when it slid off) from the walkways, etc. keeping the pipes from freezing and on and on it went. Those were good times but hard work, I embrace those years even though it was tough!! No Sherry, this isn't a downer, just makes us all realize how strong we can be when needed, and how we can all come together to share our experiences. Now I deal with things alone, couple weeks ago had a porcupine in my fenced yard, almost destroyed on of my apple trees, just the other day had 3 coyotes right along my fenceline, just 12' from the back of the house......so ya get the 22 out, retrain yourself on how to shoot it and take care of business. Next will be winterizing and before we know it, making sure the tractor is ready to plow!!
live, laugh, love |
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Okie Farm Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
1674 Posts
Mary Beth
McLoud
Oklahoma
USA
1674 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 09:49:19 AM
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You gals are tough and wonderful! So glad to hear you loving life and working through the hardship. You are testimonies to all of us! My hubby travels alot during the day, but he is hear at night. I feel very blessed. God bless you all and holler if you need help from the rest of us!
Mary Beth
www.OklahomaPastryCloth.com
www.Oklahomapastrycloth.com/blog
The Sovereign Lord is my strength - Habakkuk 3:19 |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 10:18:34 AM
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Well, mine isn't half way across the country, but he does travel all over the area sometime 200 or more miles each way to go between service calls and when he comes home he often has to help the landlord with farm projects. I am just getting the hang of not seeing too well AND having to gimp around with a cane. Everything is much harder when you have a bad leg and can't put your full weight on it. Even sweeping the floor is hard lol! But I'm tired of sitting on my butt and have been doing things slowly around the place. I need to get a ladder and figure out how to climb up and patch the roof until I can get a new one next year( I won't do that until someone is here on the farm to call if I fall off the darned roof) I have been working on the fences and need to work on a wobbly porch rail. I have been clearing an area of brush the slow way with hand saw and pruners and want to build a new solid chicken house and run. I'm getting pretty happy with how handy I'm becoming with tools! My landlords have tapped another spring to work for garden and livestock watering and I'm sooooo excited, because this will be the first year coming up that I'll be able to have a garden and enough water to water it with! I can't dig with my bum knee and cane, so I'm going to try the "lasagna garden method" this year and see if it works! I'm pretty much alone much of the time, so I'm having to be careful, but pretty self sufficient!
As soon as I get more junk out of my house (why oh why is junk so hard to get rid of?????) I'll be building a sewing/crafting corner with enough space to actually do things. I'm pretty good at making aprons, teddy bears and a few other things and eventually want to open an etsy and maybe an artfire shop. I work better at home and want to make my own income someday, rather than just be on disability for the rest of my days, but that's a ways off. Sherry, you are never a downer, m'dear, just honest! These days particularly, we all have to make it the best that we can. I'm very proud of all of you girls and glad to be among you!
Luv an' hugs!
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
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batznthebelfry
True Blue Farmgirl
1257 Posts
Michele
Athol
Ma
USA
1257 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 11:47:51 AM
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This is the 2nd time my hubby has been sent to a war zone..2004-05 it was Iraq, now its in Afghanistan...being older when I married him (I was 33) I had gotten used to doing things by myself...not that I always liked it but its funny when you ask for help how many people will just disappear. During his 1st tour I was quite healthy so it didn't bother me much though to survive mentally I didn't watch any news, read newspapers or mags that said anything about what was going on in Iraq...this tour I still stay away from any news but being older with more aches & pains its so much more physially hard to get the things done I need to do.....It took me 5 days to add a 6ft by 6ft area to the big chicken coop....I have a pulled or torn tenden in my shoulder so it makes things so tough that days are needed instead of hours to complete things.....& by doing what I have to do its not going to heal anytime soon but like you hens it has to be done...those I ask to help me with things just disappear or avoid me....I am thankful I am stubborn as its gotten things done...I moved a frig from the shop to the house on my own cause everyone said they couldn't help but I needed the frig....over 2 hours to get it moved but I did it.....I do so want a farm with animals but right now am so thankful I only have chickens to take care of along with the cats....people think we have lots of money cause of what we have but they don't know that everything but the bed, recliner & frig are used, free or given to us....plus I hang on to everything if i can use it....someone made a stupid comment to me yesterday that I know they would have never made to my hubby that I needed to get rid of the porch stuff & buy new since we could afford it....I said why would I go out & buy something when what I have works just fine...yes its old, beat up but does its job....I love knowing I can do everything when my hubby is gone for long periods of time but like all of you its hard some days & I just want to sit & cry because mentally I am at my breaking point...but I have found if I go out & hang out with my chickens I am much happier & can continue on....Michele'
Chickens rule!
The Old Batz Farm
Hen #2622 |
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Dorinda
True Blue Farmgirl
1023 Posts
Dorinda
St. Cloud
Florida
USA
1023 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 12:32:01 PM
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I guess I am one of the lucky ones. My man and I work together. We were just talking the other day about how blessed we were compared to all the hard ship some of my familys and friends are going through. It is really tough out there right now. I have never been a big spender. I make do with what we have for a long time. Our home is 24 years old and still has the same refrigerator in it. We noticed this past year that we have started having to replace a few things like our hot water heater last year. And now the pump on our well. I know it is just a matter of time before I will have to replace some of my appliances because they are all getting old.Up until this year I had the same bed spread for 20 years. I even sewed it last year to make it last just one more year. I just bought me a new one back in spring. I bought a well made one so it to will last a long time. I have alot of friends whos husbands have all gone to North Dakota to work. I feel bad for them. But then also they use to spend alot of money when things were good. Not me I saved as much as I could. And now I am so glad I did. My husband and I are still plugging along with our business we have had for 27 years. Still going strong! Hang in there girls. I pray things will get better for everyone!
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
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dutchy
True Blue Farmgirl
4427 Posts
4427 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 12:44:02 PM
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LOL I am not married so have to do it all myself too. Change lightbulbs lol. AND wallpaper, paint, lay carpet, do repairs in the house that the rental co. doesn't do, and ALL the other (male) chores around and in the house..
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Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
http://pinkprincessdecorating.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me, my home and my crafts
Farmgirl sister # 2410 |
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Lieberkim
True Blue Farmgirl
839 Posts
Kimberly
Sunnyside
WASHINGTON
USA
839 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 1:56:53 PM
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I'm blessed to be married to a farmer! He's here but not really available. Right now it's harvest so he's going non stop from 3am to 8 or 9 pm, sometimes later. The pressure is on so although he wants to he can't be here for us. Some things need to be installed, built, fixed and it's not going to happen till after harvest because I'm tool challenged. :) But I'm also blessed because he has a job, he's home for most all meals and every night he's asleep beside me instead of in a war zone. We have all our needs met and then some which a lot of people can't say today. I do understand the fatigue and mental anguish though as I'm doing all the livestock chores, homeschooling, preserving food and trying to stay on top of everything. And I know what it feels like to live apart as we did while he was working here before we moved here.
Excuse the mess & the noise, my children are making happy memories |
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acairnsmom
True Blue Farmgirl
1319 Posts
audrey
cheyenne
wy
1319 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 3:38:13 PM
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Sherrye, this post is far from being a downer! I find it uplifting truth be told. You ladies are amazing! Right now I feel abundantly blessed, we both have work (at the same office!)we bought a house in our new state while still retaining our old one. But I feel for everyone of you who are struggling. Up until 3 years ago I was in the same boat, DH un/under employed, I wasn't working and we had to make do with what we had. DH frequently went out of the area for work so I was left to tend to the home, yard, car...you know the drill. He has worked from Massachussets to Alaska. Sometimes he was gone for a few days, sometimes for 6 months straight. During his absence I learned plumbing, electrical, some rough carpentry. I am thankful we had to go through all of that because it has helped me see that you don't need all the stuff the world says you need. I'm still drivng my 1997 Expedition, my clothes are from the thrift, we eat at home now not in a restaurant.
Because we have abundance now, we are trying to help others who are still struggling. DH frequently needs to hire people and we are amazed how many people we know from our old hometown turn him down for a job offer becaue they don't want to travel 90 miles for work. They'd rather sit at home and wait for someone to come rescue them where they are and not have to go looking for help. But your DH's are a testiment that the old ethics are still alive today. They are men who still feel the need to provide for their families and you their wives step up and take care of the homefront. Ladies I salute you! We can be a strong bunch when we need to.
Audrey
Toto, we're not in Kansas any more! |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 8:52:41 PM
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My husband drives a truck. Has for about 18 years now. When we did our taxes this past Jan. he figured up he was only home about 53 days last year. So yeah, I do it mostly all by myself here. ut the animals are all my idea.
I was just thinking the other day that someone needs to have a class for women like me who want to learn how to do things like fix a faucet or build a shed. I so want to learn more things. The big things, like broken down things, have to wait for hubby to come home to fix them. Or I have to hire someone to fix them. It is hard at times. But at least mine does get to come home.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 9:19:57 PM
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i am so impressed with all these posts. what a fine group of woman. this is happeing all across the states and even other countries. we have marian in the netherlands. single woman and married making do. kris i am sad for you 53 days. wow that is so little time with him. yes i agree classes would be nice. i drug a rabbit hutch out of a pile of wood today. the tractor helped till i got to the barn. it took hours of rebuilding it then trying to get it in. i finally got the saw and chopped the legs off. LOL then with muscle i pushed shoved and got it in. now my back says ouch. all your stores are a testament to woman. for you with men at war i send my love and prayers. it is a hard thing you do. i hope this thread runs awhile. i hope more share their stories. i agree it is harder now that i am older. everything i do takes sooooo much longer to get done. papa has a saying If you dont like this speed you sure wont like my other speed. if i am going forward its good. thanks again for all the inspiration and heart warming stories. happy days sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farm girl #1014
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2011 : 06:18:46 AM
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What is that saying I read the other day? A woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong they are until they are in hot water.
I find this thread very inspiring. All of you women are amazing! Sending a big hug to each one of you.
My DH is active duty air force and has been gone for months a couple of times over the last few years. Funny thing about our situation is he is not very handy around the house. I am the handy man in the family! He is the brains and the technical support while I am the fixer and the doer. It is still hard having him gone. He retires in June of 2012 after 28 years and will be driving a long haul semi truck. So I better get used to his absence. We are still looking for our farmland. Which means I will be in some of your shoes if we ever find it. We just want to be more self-sufficient. It is nice to have so many kindred souls on this forum. God bless you all!
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Don't go with the flow...you are the flow.
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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Ingrid
True Blue Farmgirl
432 Posts
Ingrid
BC
Canada
432 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2011 : 07:39:26 AM
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Mine is away two weeks and home two weeks and switches each time from days to graveyards. He used to be away 21 days and home 8 days with two days of travel. It is tough when they are gone but we talk everyday by phone even if it is just to say good night. I try not to have too many projects for him when he is home so he does take time to relax. Fortunately, I am able to be at home and not work so the time he is here is spent together. Until two years ago I worked full time and that was more difficult because we were always trying to cram time in together and then we would stress about it. I would still love to have him home every night but also realize this being away isn't for forever either.
Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do! |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2011 : 2:41:01 PM
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I'm so impressed with everyone's abilities. I'm a lucky one and DH is home everyday. In fact he only works out of the house about 4 hours a day. But we are always working on how to do things and fix things. Youtube is one of our biggest teachers. I'm always worrying that the economy is going to fail and we'll lose everything, so I study up on edible local plants so no matter what we won't go hungry.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - Sep 30 2011 : 7:22:23 PM
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well just got off the phone with papa. he got his high blood pressure meds today. so now i can relax. i was so worried he would go without. you know he leaves that to me usually. i sure miss him. it is so great to even have a phone and can talk to him. i am so encouraged from all the posts. happy days sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farm girl #1014
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2011 : 04:50:01 AM
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What an inspiring post! Just goes to show that you can't bring a farmgal down. My hubby works in law enforcement, but because of his current schedule and our living situation, he's gone 4-7 days at a time and comes home on his days off. But even then his days off aren't for sure because he can always get called in by the dive team or the swat team or (used to be) the fire dept. I can't tell you how many times we've been in the middle of some project and he just hast o leave (no choice at all) and I get to finish. :) You get used to doing things yourself...and you survive. Thanks SherryE for pointing out that during the war, that was normal for women to do. The guys were gone, the women had to step up and that's just the way it is. Thank goodness we are a bunch of gals who can still do that. I'm not sure that everyone nowadays could. (I can think of a few female relatives who whine when asked to change a lightbulb...)
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2011 : 07:10:18 AM
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yes amy i agreee. i am inspired each time i come here and read a new post. i think of the woman with their aprons on getting things done when the man was gone. in our family we have the story of grandpa walker. they were sooooo hungry. honest hard working at least willing to work folks. deep depression. he was in a store and stole a sack of potatoes to feed my mama and her sisters. when things turned around he went back and paid for those potatoes. they were crop pickers and lived in the camps with the chinese. mama tells stories of the barn dances they would have. grandpa played the guitar. she said she felt loved and cared for. hard times the woman were picking the kids were picking the men were either gone or picking. when i get scared of this economy and where we are headed i remind myself of those stories. i know we all have some. where our strength comes from. i have to say i love gone with the wind. i love my land. i shall deal with the bigger thing tomorrow today i just need my tara. well our vet jake is coming to borrow tables for a winter festival. i am going later. meant to have a booth. well with the man gone i learn my limitations fast. no booth this year. i shall stop by and say howdy. hoping to hear more folks stories. my computer is breaking. so if i am off awhile i am still kicking dirt. happy days sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farm girl #1014
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walkinwalkoutcattle
True Blue Farmgirl
1675 Posts
Megan
Paint Lick
KY
USA
1675 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2011 : 07:44:35 AM
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My husband works full time AND farms-which means he's hardly ever home. With an 8 month old it makes things really difficult-sometimes it's like she hardly knows who he is it seems. He just lost his stepdad last week, so things are somber around here right now.
Farmgirl #2879 :)
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com
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mountaingirl
Farmgirl in Training
22 Posts
Jennifer
Conifer
CO
USA
22 Posts |
Posted - Oct 02 2011 : 06:58:21 AM
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My husband took a job in Antarctica to support us and provide medical insurance and has been gone since February. I've shoveled snow, fixed cars, learned about washing machines and wells, etc., etc., etc.. A friend of mine said she felt like God was actively cultivating Warrior Women for a specific reason. Not sure I agree but I do know that I feel a little more capable now than I did eight months ago. He's supposed to fly out of McMurdo tomorrow but a storm has blown in so it's kind of iffy. Even with being proud of all of my new skills and strengths I'll sure be glad to see that big man commin' off the plane!
Have your heart right with Christ and He will visit you often, and so turn weekdays into Sundays, meals into sacraments, homes into temples and earth into heaven.
~Charles Spurgeon
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markandfawn
Farmgirl in Training
14 Posts
Leann
Elkins
WV
USA
14 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2011 : 6:35:06 PM
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| I have to do everything on my own. I have 3 children at home and 7 children total. The ones taht are home are 2, 8 and 21 so I do have some help now from my oldest daughter. My husband is an over the road truck driver and because we own our own truck he is gone 6 weeks and home 1 week. We have been doing this for 22 years. I wouldnt know what it was like to actually live with him. The kids and I have a system that works for us. We do what we have to do and keep on doing. We consider ourselves grateful that we get to see him once every six weeks...as there are so many women with military husbands that are away for 2 years at a time. You can do anything that you put your mind to. |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - Oct 26 2011 : 08:21:34 AM
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bump i thought i would post again here papa will be home hopefully by monday. i reread some of the posts. i am still moved by all you who have absent husbands. he has been gone WAY TOO long for this farmgirl. we have been 13 degrees these last few nights. makes chores a lot harder. i will put the tank heaters in today. we thaw to about 50 in the day. kris was saying how she had been sooo busy when her man was home for 5 days. they worked fixing things. that is how it will be here too. plus i have not picked up our meat yet either. it is a big job. when thinking back on last year when he worked away, this is about how long we can stand it. then we need to see each other. wondering how you all are? have things changed for any of you? any other guys home other than kris and me? kris i know he is probably gone now. i hope you all your list done? how are the bucks? hoping everyone is doing good on a cold fall morning. hope you have a happy day sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farm girl #1014
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Oct 26 2011 : 09:06:48 AM
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Sherrey, You are an amazing woman. Even though my dh is a farmer, he also does work off the farm. That leaves me to stack our winter wood (including unloading the truck), any type of work that I can do in the garage without help or supervision(painting, etc), mowing lawns (ours and mil's), "weeding" blueberry grounds, mowing blueberry grounds (with riding lawnmower), raking hay, tedding hay on top of my household word and a job outside and raising a 4 yo son. And if that sounds like alot, I'm his "right hand man" when he is home. No you are not alone in your struggle to make a go of it. Take care
Lorie |
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Betty J.
True Blue Farmgirl
1403 Posts
Betty
Pasco
WA
USA
1403 Posts |
Posted - Oct 26 2011 : 09:18:23 AM
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Jennifer, I'll bet you will be glad to see your man come home from McMurdo. Being on your own for so long will make it an adjustment, but he has done a lot for the family. Too bad he couldn't have hitched a ride with that ill woman (heart attack, I believe), then he would have been home sooner.
Keep a strong heart,
Betty in Pasco |
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MEWolf
True Blue Farmgirl
358 Posts
Margaret
Byers
Colorado
USA
358 Posts |
Posted - Oct 26 2011 : 09:20:05 AM
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As I sit here and type it is snowing, our first real snowstorm since we moved to Colorado this summer. I have already fed the horses and donkeys; mucked out the barn and most of the corral; and put blankets on a couple of our guys who do not grow heavy winter coats. Hubby is in Chicago this week. He called me this morning to see how we fared last night and how much snow we have gotten. This morning I am feeling so blessed, we were able to complete all the major projects in the last few weeks, so things are easier for me when he is gone.
I love reading about all of us strong Pioneer spirited women, who keep the home fires burning when our loved ones are away.
I raise my cup of coffee in toast to all of you!
Margaret
“Kind hearts are the gardens, kind thoughts are the roots, kind words are the flowers, kind deeds are the fruits. Take care of your garden and keep out the weeds, fill it with sunshine, kind words and kind deeds.” ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1808-1882)
Farmgirl #3020
www.grey-wolf-farm.com |
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Across the Fence: where is your man??? |
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where is your man???
