| Author |
Family Matters:  Holidays  |
|
prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 13 2010 : 11:19:55 AM
|
Ladies, as the holidays approach, they often bring, sadness for those we miss, and extreme frustration, having to deal with the 'diffcult relative(s)'. I used to just love the holidays and all they are about, but as we have become soooo commercialized and then the 'difficult' ones seem to make it more difficult year after year? I feel like I just want to kinda hide for the next 6-8 weeks!! Anybody else feel the same? How to bring the joy back into the holidays and truly not let some of the difficult people get to us??!! Thoughts, suggestions?? A place to vent and share your stories!! Blessings, Linda
Country at Heart |
|
|
classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 13 2010 : 4:04:04 PM
|
Linda I totally agree with you. What we must do is not let them! That's what they want. We need to just look around us and see the joy of our children and grandchildren. I usually end up spending alot of my time visiting with the little ones and laughing with them. When the difficult one's see that they are not causing a problem they will just lay back. I have noticed at times they are suddenly ready to go home. Which is ok, that is the choice they make. Build new traditions with the younger ones and stick with them. Not sure if this will help, but sure worth a try. Hugs, Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
 |
|
|
TJinMT
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
TJ
Billings
MT
USA
211 Posts |
Posted - Nov 13 2010 : 4:54:37 PM
|
I think that the "coal in the stocking" should still be used!!! Some cranky turkeys deserve it, Bless Their Scrooge-y Hearts!!
I'm with classygram! Ignore them and focus on the ones who make you smile! And, the real reason for the season!
And break out some lumps of coal... grin...
~TJ of Green Willow Place
"You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me." -CS Lewis |
|
|
|
pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2010 : 2:33:47 PM
|
I feel the same Linda. I just don't get excited for the hoiday like I used to. I feel I never measure up, don't want to disappoint anyone but have a very limited budget to work with. I'd love to go simpler and back to basics so to speak but with teenagers that would not work out well. My daughters are easy to please, but not my sons.
I am trying to pep talk myself into enjoying the decorations, music and lights, finding fun things to do with the family and just doing my best to make this a nice christmas |
|
|
|
prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2010 : 8:47:07 PM
|
Ladies, understand and agree with all you have shared. I too, long for the season to be simpler, enjoy it more. I am beginning to 'get it', that I need to just do what I can in ways that work for me? No matter what, we cannot please everyone. But maybe if we do what works for us, it will all fall into place and we will learn to be able to relax and enjoy the season more? Thank u all for sharing! Blessings, linda
Country at Heart |
|
|
|
TJinMT
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
TJ
Billings
MT
USA
211 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2010 : 07:43:07 AM
|
One thing that helps me get more "into" a holiday is to take a fresh look at it. Earlier this season I ordered a Susan Branch Christmas book off Ebay - Cheap, cheap! - and she has such a neat, sweet, lighthearted approach, and lots of ideas. Stuff like that is so refreshing and fun!
~TJ of Green Willow Place
www.MyWesternHome.wordpress.com
"I wanna write my blog, and live my life, beneath these Western Skies..." (with apologies to Chris LeDoux! smile!) |
|
|
|
marjean
True Blue Farmgirl
3851 Posts
Marsha
Deltona
FL
USA
3851 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2010 : 08:08:13 AM
|
My family and friends give gifts all year and are not forced to do so once a year under compulsion. Keeping our Christian unity is what brings joy to our hearts and makes our Great God rejoice.
The coal idea is good but you do it by heaping firey coals on their head through kindness even to those who are rude. This will show their the ones with the problem and melt them into either changing or leaving.
It's by no means easy in this world to be kind to those who are not to us, but the Bible says: "As far as it depends upon you, be peaceable with all". That could mean by avoiding a confrantation thus keeping the peace. Try it and see if you don't feel better knowing you're acting in the Christian spirit. Farmgirl sister #308
handmade cards, vintage organizer bags and more at www.jeanpatchbymk.etsy.com
http://jeanpatch.blogspot.com
www.fullerdirect.com
id#0920150
www.watkinsonline.com/rjaramillo
www.sunshinefarmgirlcoop.com |
Edited by - marjean on Nov 15 2010 08:11:18 AM |
|
|
|
TJinMT
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
TJ
Billings
MT
USA
211 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2010 : 09:30:49 AM
|
Marjean - oh gosh, I didn't really mean the coal comments the way they came across! Just being facetious I guess. I totally agree about being peaceable with others and avoiding confrontations - our pastor yesterday was preaching on the fact that even the "wrongs" that happen to us are allowed by God, to chip away that rough exterior! Amen!!
I can just really relate to dealing with cranky people at Christmas, and, I just don't let the turkeys (or scrooges as the holiday may be) get me down. Christmas is for us to remember Christ, and to make wonderful family memories for our children. Just because folks like that want to spread their crankiness and make the rest of the family cater to the pootiness, doesn't mean that we need to let it get US (and the kids) down. We just have to love 'em anyway and ignore the passive-aggressive attitude they're throwing!
~TJ of Green Willow Place
www.MyWesternHome.wordpress.com
"I wanna write my blog, and live my life, beneath these Western Skies..." (with apologies to Chris LeDoux! smile!) |
|
|
|
marjean
True Blue Farmgirl
3851 Posts
Marsha
Deltona
FL
USA
3851 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2010 : 10:50:29 AM
|
I'm always one to be positive, if you ever read my blog you'll see that I'm on a quest for changing the attitude to keep us all positive. I was just adding to your comment, didn't mean to make you think I was down on you.
I know exactly what you mean and I'm sure there are others that have those nutty family members too! lol In our family it is more the loud kind that makes you look for a quiet corner to hid in. But, when they are around me they tone it down cause they respect my feelings. They've all moved out of state and don't come to visit like they used to when local. whew!
Hugs,
Marjean
Farmgirl sister #308
handmade cards, vintage organizer bags and more at www.jeanpatchbymk.etsy.com
http://jeanpatch.blogspot.com
www.fullerdirect.com
id#0920150
www.watkinsonline.com/rjaramillo
www.sunshinefarmgirlcoop.com |
|
|
|
prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2010 : 1:24:05 PM
|
See thats where you are saved!! Brenda and I would like to move a couple family members out of state!! There is NEVER a time that involves them that is not drama, drama, drama. Sadly, it is our literally narcissitic moms. Makes it tough and God is teaching us both that boundaries are completely ok when done in the right spirit. So, day by day learning that more and more. Love the holidays themselves, sadly we allow a handful of people to ruin it for everyone---that is where the problems and frustration come in!!! Smile!! But, very determined to enjoy them on a simple level and try to ignore the ones who choose to cause constant problems. Ladies, we will all pray for easier, more peaceful times this year! Blessings, Linda
Country at Heart |
|
|
|
Freyaskitty
Farmgirl in Training
16 Posts
Lisa
Oklahoma City
OK
USA
16 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2010 : 4:04:26 PM
|
I know this is going to go against the majority here, but if these relatives are causing so much drama,hurt,and discomfort, why oh why would you STILL invite them?
Just because they are related does not mean you have to sit around with a fake smile on your face, trying to ignore them while they continue to be rude, crude and/or socially unaceptable and ruin everyone's day. These people only get away with this crap because everyone LETS them get away with it. Family or not, no one has the right to abuse others.
Prayin Granny is right. Set boundries BEFORE the event and let them know if they cross the line, they will be politely excused from that and other events.
And yes, I have done this and yes, it worked. ;)
|
|
|
|
natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2010 : 4:59:59 PM
|
I do the Thanksgiving dinner at my house and I do all the cookin, which ticks off some of the family. I have told them that they don't have to attend but are welcome so long as they follow my rules. I have some that won't come, but the rest have a nice time.
My aunt has instituted an anti-christmas party at her house every year the week before christmas. No one is allowed in the door if they aren't in jeans or sweats. No presents allowed. No discussions of schedules or holiday plans is allowed. Everyone brings a side dish to go with her venision soup. Everyone also brings a dessert that is not a dedicated 'christmas' type dessert. She plays country music cds for background noise, that keeps out the constant christmas barage thats on the tv. We all talk and eat and have a great time relaxing in the midst of the hustle of that time of year. Everyone is always carryin out sleep and dozing kids cause we all want to stay forever. It makes the whole season go easier with that little oasis to helps us out.
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
|
|
|
prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2010 : 4:34:19 PM
|
Lisa, totally get what you are saying. Thankfully, my daughter and I had a good long talk and we are on the same page and on that alone, think this year will go better. Having one anothers back will help when things, if they do, get rough. Angela, loved the unChristmas party idea. Alows key people to just enjoy time together!!! It is going to be ok this year, somehow!!! Blessings, Linda
Thank you all for you thoughts and support!!! Hooray for farmgirls!
Country at Heart |
|
|
|
Penny Wise
True Blue Farmgirl
1903 Posts
Margo
Elyria
OH
USA
1903 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2010 : 6:07:34 PM
|
this past september; i sent my husband of 8 years(together 10 yeara) away. he was negative about everything and our relationship had become quite toxic...now i feel badly because he will be pretty much alone for the holidays- he lives near his sister and brother and their spouses yet he is being treated like the family black sheep-tonite i feel guilty that he is pretty much alone for the holidays-
because i have sent him away i have cut off at least half of my (monetary) income and am now wondering how to deal with , at least, the grands for Christmas...i will get creative , i am sure, and family will be all right-yet, tonite- i am saddened that i have caused him this feeling of loss..... of being alone.....
thanks for listening, sisters!
Farmgirl # 2139
~*~ counting my pennies and biding my time; my dreams are adding up!~*~ |
|
|
|
prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2010 : 05:25:48 AM
|
Margo, so sorry that you are feeling this way! Hope that it gets better for you! Many of us here on the site, due to economy, fixed income etc, understand. Let's get 'farmgirl' creative and make our presents!! Even the grandkids enjoy the homemade things, smaller ones would love a big decorated cookie! Farmgirls, lets all try, in spite of maybe some tough circumstances, of difficult relatives, SMILE!!.....let's make the holidays work for us and try to enjoy the simple times of holidays. If they become not simple? Lets try and in our hearts make it so!! Blessings, Linda
Country at Heart |
|
|
|
Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2010 : 3:00:14 PM
|
Linda:
I will keep you in my prayers. I love the holidays. I do understand what you are saying. I like old-fashioned holidays. Hugs to you.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
|
|
|
MBurns
True Blue Farmgirl
1791 Posts
Marlene
Swisher
IA
USA
1791 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2010 : 9:08:53 PM
|
I find it hard to deal with the idea Christmas is all about presents
and not about the Christ child being born. We are retired now and don't have a lot of money to spend on presents. I give gift certificates for a limited amount. I invite my kids and grandkids
to attend Christmas services at church but everyone is to busy with other priorities like sleeping in late, playing video games, or just have them say I don't need religion in my life right now.
I grew up in a family that always went to Christmas eve services and
then had a special supper and a few small gifts and then a huge
family Christmas dinner at my grandparents. My mom knitted and sewed so many gifts were homemade but very special because she took the time to make them for us.
I guess I miss that people do not understand the true meaning of
Christmas and get so caught up in spending more money than you have on gifts that are not appreciated.
I agree why invite people you don't enjoy being around. It is hard to be obligated to attend a holiday dinner you don't enjoy also.
I send out Christmas cards to friends and family I only hear from at this time of year. That is special as you communicate with a card and letter to them. I know I can email but that seems so impersonal.
Thanks for listening. A blessed Christmas to you all.
Farmgirl friends are fun. |
|
|
|
FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 07:36:20 AM
|
I don't want to hide, but have frustration figuring out gifts for some people who are too good to receive handmade gifts. These people laugh at those who sit and knit or crochet, and I'm struggling with do I gift them or not. My mother told me she hates my dishcloths because they are too thick and wants knitted ones (I have not learned to knit yet). I was hurt by that.
Farmgirl #800
http://momzonetakingtimeformom.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 08:28:48 AM
|
This sounds really bad, but my mom never wants or likes anything I make her or buy for her. She always ends up giving it back to me. So I make something I think is cute and when she gives it back then I already have something to give someone else or keep for myself. I've struggled for years trying to please her, that I just don't put much feeling into it and move on to those who enjoy the homemade items. Not sure there is a good answer for people that that. Good luck and just try to enjoy doing the things that you make and give to those who will love them. Hugs,Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
|
|
|
CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 2:28:42 PM
|
Brenda, that would be hurtful.I feel that is really unkind. I think I would just give her a gift certificate or money and say I know you love picking out things you like so I thought you would enjoy this. It can be as simple as a $5 certificate for her favorite coffee or local fast food resturaunt. Kristina you could to the same thing. I don't care if I hated something I would never hurt someones feelings like that. If they make a comment about it isn't enough money or whatever, just say that is what I can afford and let it go.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
|
|
|
ramonaj
True Blue Farmgirl
118 Posts
rhonda
gibsons
british columbia
Canada
118 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 7:52:19 PM
|
I used to get stressed and crazy around Christmas, but don't any more. I lost someone very dear to me on Christmas Eve then buried him the day after Christmas. that completely changed how i looked at the holidays. i keep presents as simple as I can, giving soap, jam, etc. mostly stuff I've made, other than to the very closest family and friends. it seems that people appreciate it. I also try to host some kind of little party, to make chocolates or cookies. something cheerful like that. I only invite people I truly enjoy and know there will be lots of fun. Christmas Day is all about stockings, long distance calls, watching movies and sitting in front of the fire. Maybe i'm a hard head but if my mom or anybody else ever had the meanness of spirit or bad manners to say something negative about a gift i'd given it'd be the last gift they got from me. that's really uncalled for and kind of shows they don't get what Christmas is about - love, compassion, generosity of spirit, family, all that "old" stuff. classygram, you're smart to make stuff you like since it comes back to you anyway. i love gift cards myself, especially if someone is hard to please.
happiness to all sentient beings |
|
|
|
classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 8:23:05 PM
|
I've given the gift cards and she just sticks it in her purse. Eventually we both forget she has it. So that's a waste. It does hurt some, but way better now than it use to be. I just don't put my heart and soul into it anymore. She wants a small crock pot and I found one black friday for $3. If its not ok, I'll keep it for dips. Going to make some jewerly and if she doesn't like that I'll wear it. I do enjoy doing and giving to others. And you can tell if they really like it. I do mostly homemade for gifts. I love something made by their own hands. This year we are not having all the extended family. It's going to be daughter and her family, son and his family, DH and I. Don't know if moms coming or not. But we are having a fairly easy dinner and spend the afternoon playing board games. The GK's are old enough (11, 14, 16, 20) to play along and enjoy it. Then we always make and decorate cookies. Use to have to wait until everyone went home. Than off the candlelight service at church. This is going to be a must calmer day. A day to remember the reason for the season and the blessing we have received this year as a family. I do pray and wish that families could get back to worship and celebrating Jesus' Birthday! Hugs, Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
|
|
|
prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 05:55:30 AM
|
I have loved, been saddened, and uplifted by all each of you have shared. I too, struggle with ALL of the above. I will muddle thru this year and make it in my heart what I need it to be?!! But, by golly, nest year I hope to take the reins back into my hand a bit? Think I might go and visit friends that honestly are alone nearly every holiday and unable to travel. I love the thought of a simple holiday time as well. LOVE handmade gifts. LOVE remembering what Christmas is suppose to be about. It just has changed so much thru the years. The family member that prompted my posting this topic did pretty good on Thanksgiving, was a disaster at my 3 year old grandaughters bday party 2 days later. My kids are too kind to let her know her actions are not ok. Sooo, for me personally, I need to just begin to remove myself with certain family functions and make my own plans. The drama and meaness just gets too much over and over and over again! I have now until the actual holiday and by golly I am going to 'farmgirl up' and make these days count as blessings and enjoy having my grandkids over, making things, talking about what the holiday REALLY means. The time that family member (my mom) is actually here with us, I will do the very best I can. There is no pleasing them!! Thank you ladies for all your postings!! We can help each other! Blessings, Linda
Country at Heart |
|
|
|
njaw09
True Blue Farmgirl
397 Posts
Annie
NJ
USA
397 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 07:58:21 AM
|
I remember the first time I met my husband...it was nice to have holiday celebration but after the third year...his sister & their family act quite weird...I can't even type it here because everytime I think about it gets me very mad. Holiday should be fun...foods/drinks, game but it is not what I expect it. I could sense the pressure my m.i.l have to deal with...what is harder is she can't say nothing bad to her daughter. My m.i.l adores me because I am very very different from her own flesh and blood. Her daughter & her children was quite jealous and it got out of proportion. Holidays have quite change drastically...even though we celebrate the holidays. My s.i.l can't be in the same roof with me any longer...I told my husband if his sister can't behave I don't want to be a part of this tradition. Christmas should be fun...no envy, no malice, no competition otherwise just leave me alone.
I remember the old days growing up...I will be the first to decorate the tree, no gifts (gifts is throughout the year....),food/drinks, board games...**sigh** |
|
|
|
Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 9:35:44 PM
|
Linda: I see where you hurt. But giving to people REALLY in need is much more rewarding. Help in a soup kitchen, nursing home or school. I get joy out of seeing others be happy. Save the parts of a simpler Christmas for yourself and others that agree with you. Make popcorn balls, string cranberries, make your own decorations. Give to others and they give back twofold to you. God bless.
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
|
|
|
pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2010 : 04:06:28 AM
|
| It sounds like a lot of us struggle with the same feelings. I find myself spending more time looking back at the holidays when I was a kid. Where did all that excitement and magic go ? I remember the church all decorated , the christmas programs we did as kids, how exciting christmas eve was. we always went for drives just to enjoy the lights and displays. now I have teenagers who are very materialistic driven and wants things I just can't afford but he doesn't understand finances and there are so many who do not appreciate the effort of a handmade item. |
|
|
|
Family Matters: Holidays |
|
Holidays
