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Here's to Your Health:  Caregivers Chat and Encouragement  |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 27 2011 : 3:11:28 PM
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So I am in my den, hiding. I am sick of poor attiudes. I made homemade chicken and noodles, mashed potatoes, german chocolate cake and we had carb lite ice cream. My mother was angry at me for telling her to stop yelling at my oldest and relax. My oldest just got home from PMT, which is training for her deployment. My mom hates her smoking, so do I. But calling her names will not help. She doesn't smoke in my house. She is respectful. But I am not going to have her screamed at and called names in our home. This is exactly what I was worried about. I will not keep quite as she is mean to my kids.
This is her home too[ my daughters], she must be treated as an adult and with respect.
I nicely asked her to stop, she then focused on me. Screaming and yelling telling me that she is not gonna lay around and be lazy as I do. Well I didn't even reply to that. I just said I do not chose to yell, that I do not approve, but I will not scream and fight about it. She went off, yelled at my dad, me again, and then refused my food and went to McDonalds. My son was mad. He was like, what is her issue. She is so disrespectful. Now I am worrying. How do I handle this. She is moving in soon, and this will not be allowed. It is not the eating McDonalds, it is the bringing it in to my living room and eating in front of my family. I am at a loss.
So it was my turn to vent! Thanks ladies!
Come visit my blog
http://angieruralliving.blogspot.com/
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
#1038 |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Mar 02 2011 : 10:09:22 AM
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Oh Angie!! This is all so tough!! You do not have to allow that kind of disrespect at all, I do not believe that the Lord wants that either. Things with my mom are getting to an extreme as well too. Very long story. My daughter is probably going to try and have my mom stay with her after my mom has some possible surgery. It will be about as bad I think. My daughter and her husband have 3 young kids so I think it is honorable that she wants to help??? But to have my mom and her nonsense go on? Just not sure it is a wise thing. With health issures I have and the apt. I am in, my mom here is not an option. The couple that care and help out my mom are extremely enabling of her behaviors and we know they are told a rash of junk about all of us. As, I might add, my mom tells us about them!! Ther is no pleasing her. She is a very miserable woman, as all narcissistic personality disorders are. What is hard to take for any of us in these situations........despite our pain, despite our anger and frustration......it is genuinely our hearts desire, as unto the Lord, to try and do right by these people. To try and make their last years as comfortable, easy and good for them as we can. they make it absolutley impossible to do so!!!! I think all we can do is the very best that we can and try to just hang on. Even in our darkest moments, I know that the Lord hears our cries and is trying to guide and help us. Even if it does not seem that way at the moment. We are here for you!Here for each other!! Praying for you! I am so grateful for the farmgirls!! And I hope the others who have commented on this post are doing ok and hanging in as well. Mercy!!! God's strength and mercy and grace to you Angie for all you are trying to do!
Blessings, Linda
www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Country at Heart |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2011 : 03:33:48 AM
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I have seen your posts on your blog. I am sorry you are going thru this. I will be praying for your daughter and family. I know we are all doing our best. I pray daily, wlaking, driving sitting at my computer. My mind wonders to the Lord, asking, talking and chatting about life. This might sound weired but I have learned this helps in all the crazziness.
I hope everyone is doing good and i hope to hear more from you all!
Come visit my blog
http://angieruralliving.blogspot.com/
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
#1038 |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Mar 04 2011 : 1:37:01 PM
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Angie, just visited your blog! Love the goats! How are they doing? How are things going in general?
Blessings, Linda
www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Country at Heart |
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debtea2
True Blue Farmgirl
1853 Posts
deborah
nutley
nj
USA
1853 Posts |
Posted - Mar 04 2011 : 4:42:33 PM
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hi all
i am new to this site and glad i found it
i too am a part time caregiver..
my MIL has dementia and is a real handful
she was never a nice person to begin with
so as some of you may know dememtia patients become increasingly voilent
and abusive..i had her this weekend and the new thing is to stripe down to the
undies and its cold here ..then fight to get her dressed again
also she does not remember to go to the bathroom in the bathroom yuck...LOL
thank the lord for depend diapers...and lots of baby wipes...
she also hates to bathe which is another argument but she won't win on that front
and since she has no idea who i am anymore its easy i tell her i'm the nurse
and it works really well
sorry to whine just had to get it out of my system and pray for strenght..
hoping to find a nursing home very very soon.
prayers for all and blessings
deborah
inch by inch we find our way
jersey farmgirl
#1330
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Mar 04 2011 : 5:53:40 PM
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Deborah so glad you have joined us. My DH and I took care of my uncle who had dementia and it is a difficult illness to take care of. As far as the taking the clothing off, I believe that is pretty normal for those suffering with this illness. It has to be a very scaring place in life for them. My thoughts and prayers with you. Hugs,Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Mar 04 2011 : 6:08:09 PM
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Hi Deborah! So glad you found our posts. We are all here for each other and as Angie said, we need to vent. And we need to troubleshoot and encourage. It helps so very much to know that we arent alone. We are all praying for one another! Glad you shared with us. Praying for you and your situation! Blessings, linda www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Country at Heart |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Mar 05 2011 : 10:57:33 AM
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Welcome Deborah! We are not here to judge. So feel free to vent all you want. I am praying for you and your family. Careing for our older generation is tough. I deal with anger. I pray about it daily. My MIL has early onset dementia. Her grandparents both ahd it. It was a chore for my husbands grandparents to care for them. I remember the stories.
Linda, thanks for visitign my blog. As soon as I have babies I will post it!
I got to go.
Love to you all
Come visit my blog
http://angieruralliving.blogspot.com/
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
#1038 |
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debtea2
True Blue Farmgirl
1853 Posts
deborah
nutley
nj
USA
1853 Posts |
Posted - Mar 05 2011 : 2:06:38 PM
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thank you all and bless you
i sure needed a place like this
it means so much to know that
your not alone and others are dealing with
some of the same issues..i guess its kinda funny and i should laugh
about the naked old lady standing in my front window
and just relax..LOL easier said then done ...thank you all
deborah
inch by inch we find our way
jersey farmgirl
#1330
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Mar 05 2011 : 6:52:28 PM
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Oh Deborah! Someday we might be laughing, but as we are going thru the stress of it all, it IS easier said than done! So grateful to Carole for beginning these posts. Hope you are doing ok, Carole! Blessings, linda www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Country at Heart |
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debtea2
True Blue Farmgirl
1853 Posts
deborah
nutley
nj
USA
1853 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2011 : 1:07:48 PM
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hi ladies
well got a slight reprive from my MIL
for at least two weeks..since i'm working and have
alot to do ..my SIL is keeping her and shes not happy about it one bit
its her dm not mine i took care of my DM and felt blessed for the little time we had
i miss her alot she was an incredible woman so different from my MIL ..
mom was sweet and kind and apprecitive for anything you did it was an honor to be her caregiver.
and her friends have become my BFFs now and its such a comfort.
well i feel like celebrating abit. so i'll light some candles and take a long hot bubble bath..LOL
angie your mom sounds like she needs a good talking to before she moves in that not right to yell and bring food in without a thought for others.
i'm praying for all of us, for a little peace in our lives and homes,
thanks for the support..its great to have you all
blessings deborah
inch by inch we find our way
jersey farmgirl
#1330
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Edited by - debtea2 on Mar 09 2011 1:15:40 PM |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2011 : 7:31:59 PM
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Deborah, it is amazing how different personalites can be. My mom will be having surgery in May or June. She will be staying with my daughter and we all will be helping. We are dreading it already! My mom also is extremely difficult. She is already thriving on this and loving the attention drama. It will be a long haul for all of us. All any of us here can do is the best that we can and lean hard on our prayers! One day at a time, ladies! So grateful we have one another to share with. Blessings, linda
Country at Heart |
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debtea2
True Blue Farmgirl
1853 Posts
deborah
nutley
nj
USA
1853 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2011 : 4:54:31 PM
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linda amen to that
so sad when people we care for or so ungratefull
and nasty they make our lives very difficult.
but we have each other and thats a blessing
deborah
inch by inch we find our way
jersey farmgirl
#1330
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2011 : 05:44:30 AM
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We are so blessed to have each other. God had a plan.
The move in date for my parents is this weekend. At least all my does are done kidding so now I can focus on the move, oh and the little girl goat that had a hard start. We will be bottle feeding her.
Well lots to do.Thank you all adn Thank you Lord for all these wonderful ladies.
Come visit my blog
http://angieruralliving.blogspot.com/
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
#1038 |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 08:01:54 AM
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Amen, amen!!! One step at a time is what we can do. And uplift each other here!
Blessings, Linda
Country at Heart |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 4:01:30 PM
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So I am done with all my kidding. I have on doe kid in the house. Her mom didn't except her. It was a hard delivery on all! My parents are a 1/4 of the way moved in and I am so exhausted I can not stand to be nice right now. So I just came to my den and decided I needed a break. I am listening to Hem, watching the kid jump around the room and playing on the internet. I know it is probably not the best thing, but it is better then saying something I may regret! I really think we will be in need of a vacation soon! Well the little girl [kid] is hungry. By the way I named her Ruth!
Come visit my blog
http://angieruralliving.blogspot.com/
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
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SweetTsEarthlyDelights
True Blue Farmgirl
92 Posts
Tina
Old Town
Florida
USA
92 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 5:20:22 PM
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Hi Girls I am also new to MJF and I love it so much. So far it has been such a wonderful experience.
As much as I would love to have my own working farm I am working as a Behavioral Assistant for 3 severely autistic children with an overload of medical issues. The family has a good amount of money, mother is a vice president of a bank and dad is a lawyer, but yet they get Medicaid and other financial help for medical. They spend so much money daily on eating out, junk food, clothing Disney trips and so on. I am talking about on a daily basis.
The daughter is only 10 years old and 192 pounds. The little one is 7 and about 100 pounds. They give them cake, pop tarts, cookies, pizza, and ice-cream from morning to the night time. And I am not exaggerating.
They feel because she is autistic and doest enjoy life that she should indulge in everything and anything she wants. Then they tell me and everyone else that she and the other 2 have mitochondrial it’s a disease that effect there immune system and can kill them in time.
Well I looked up on this disease and it specifically says that diet and exercise are essential to their well being. Yet they do not do anything to help them. They have pulled them out of school due to the “Germs”. But yet the home is FILTHY. Piles of laundry with pee and mold. Hair on the counter tops, dirty diapers on the counter tops. I could go on and on but you get the picture. As a BASS I help with behavior issues and ways of life. I and the other girls get overridden on almost everything we do.
I am tired and worn out from them and the children. I have been in the private care field for over 10 yrs now and I have never experienced a family like this. The money is good but I drive 2 hours a day to and from work. It is a loooooog week for me.
Today after finding out that this little girl gained 70lbs in a year, just turned my stomach. I am seriously considering reporting them to the dept of children and families for abuse. I have been working with them for a year now and as much as they say they are going to do things better they continue to feed these children garbage all day every day. I love them and I want the best for them. But I also know that this family is all that these children know. There is so much involved and my heart is torn. I love what I do, but I hate being there. It has given me so much stress and unhappiness. I am almost willing to be without work so I could have some peace of mind. I need some advice girls. How would you handle this?
Thanks and my prayers go out to all of you who daily have your own struggles and pains. Life will get better.
Tina
http://tinasartisticramblings.blogspot.com/
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SimplyTee?ref=pr_shop |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 8:59:11 PM
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Tina I'm sending prayer's for you in your choices and for the children you look after. It's ashame that they have to live that way. Would they split the children up if you were to report this? I'm not educated on this sort of situation. How many days are you with them and how long is your days? Just trying to sence how much time the parents are there with their children. Unfortunitely, there are those who's job is more important than their children and the walfare of their health. This sounds like they are not getting proper care from their parents. Yet I don't know what is best for them. Prayers Tina, God will guide you in what would be best for them. Hugs,Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 9:20:26 PM
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Tina, welcome to MJF! Wow, that is really a tough one? Do you have a superior that you can discuss this case with at all? It does sound a bit neglectful as far as what may be in their best interest? However, after working in a group home for a year, many years ago, the foster system is at times a worse situation. At best, kids adjust and do well, only to be removed and sent elsewhere due to beuracratic red tape!! Especially, perhaps with autism, even tougher adjustments. Keep us posted. Know everyone here will be keeping you in good thoughts and prayers! Your heart is in the right place and I am sure you will do what is best for all concerned. Blessings, linda
Country at Heart |
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SweetTsEarthlyDelights
True Blue Farmgirl
92 Posts
Tina
Old Town
Florida
USA
92 Posts |
Posted - Mar 14 2011 : 4:40:58 PM
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Hi Linda and Brenda,
The grandmother is always there to care for them. Plus there are2 other full time BASS and one part time on the weekends. I work 40 to 50 hrs a week and my drive is an hour both ways.I volunteered for the Guardian ad Litem program so I have seen the foster care system at work. It is scary and these kids are severely autistic. The older boy 10 has a G tube, OCD, Mitochondrial disease,and Severe Autisim. He has attacked me tried to knock me down and throw things at me. He hits his mother, pushes his brother down to the ground and the other day went to hit his sister with a wooden kitchen chair. He is a big danger when he is angry. This is where I come in with the Behavioral Training.
The girl his twin looks nothing like him she is 191 Ilbs as of this past saturday, and only 10.
The little one is 7 and he is the sweetest little boy.
My fear is that they will do worse in the system of foster care. It is very hard to care for these children.
The mother turns my stomach, she refuses to play with them or actually sit and do somthing with them other than taking them in the car for a ride to get fast food or to watch mom and grandma go shopping. They do take them to disney almost every week. I honestly dont know where they get the money. My job is a difficult one and trying to implament a better behavior for them is almost impossible. I am a contracter so I really dont have anyone to tell except the behaviorist that comes in from the state, and we have talked about it but basicaly she says there is realy nothing that could be done. There is so much involved I could write a book LOL.
I really want to quit but as you all know a good job is hard to come buy. I really just want to build up a small farm for us to live off of and sell my art. I do truly apreciate your kind words and thoughtfull prayers.
I have cared for the elderly ladies for over 8 years so I can imagine how difficult it is. Be patient and kind. It is very hard for them to loose there dignity and there normal daily functions.
I have talked to many elderly people and they all say the same thing. " Our minds are still young, Itis just that our bodies dont want to do the things we are used to doing anymore." We feel the same things, love, want, desire, freedom of expression, but we are limited in everything and we are ignored."
It is hard butthink of how you want to be treated when you reach that age.
As for the teenagers, we need awards to raise them. Lord God was that a test. My boy is 21,all I can do is pray for him now.
http://tinasartisticramblings.blogspot.com/
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SimplyTee?ref=pr_shop |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Mar 14 2011 : 8:35:52 PM
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Took mom for a test to check the colon and find out what has been going on to have her with dirrehia for a month. They did find that she has diviticlist, I so know that is spelled wrong, but you can figure it out.haha But they couldn't finish the test because her colon is so twisted and kinked that they couldn't go very far. And a normal colon is about the size of a golf ball and hers at one point is about the size of a dime. So they stopped and did some other test. Will know in a few days whats going on. She's been losing blood for a few years and no one could find where at. This doctor did find about a year ago, that the lining of her stomach is getting very thin in spots, which is normal as you age and that could be where the lose of blood is coming from. They may need to do surgery, not sure yet, but she told me she would not do it. She will be 87 next month and has heart issues and I think she's afried. So I would like to ask for prayers that the Lord guide us in making choices to her treatment for all of this. Hugs,Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2011 : 05:43:03 AM
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First I want to tell all you ladies that you are all doing a wonderful job. The Lord has given us all the abilities to care for others and I feel we all are doing it to the best of our abilities.
Brenda- I am praying for your Mom. My husbands Grandpa had similar issues. I wish I had been there to help make the decision for surgery or not. My MIL and him decided it would be fine. The surgery showed very advanced cancer, and took such a toll on him he never truly woke up again. I ws then told about it and then lived with him in Kentucky until he passed 30 days later. I am not telling you this to scare you. I just wanted you to hear from someone one else who has been thru some thing similar. I am not saying your Mom has cancer. But maybe she knows she would not feel right after such a surgery. Maybe God lead me to tell you this story to aid you both in your decision. I am sorry if I offened you, I truly just hope and pray for the best.
Lord, please guide us in all we say and do, please help us to be a blessing to each other and our families, Amen
Come visit my blog
http://angieruralliving.blogspot.com/
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2011 : 12:04:23 PM
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Angie, by no means did you offend me. Thank you for what you did say. I don't have a real good feeling about this either. I've cared for several people that did surgery for cancer and their life was sad, from all the chemicals they had put in their bodies. I would rather have mom just as she is right now and do the best we can than have her so ill that she doesn't even know whats going on. Praying that we hear good news but I have to be prepared. I feel so blessed that we all have this place to come to where we all understand the stress we are all carrying. Thank you my dear friends. Hugs,Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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debtea2
True Blue Farmgirl
1853 Posts
deborah
nutley
nj
USA
1853 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2011 : 1:47:14 PM
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girls just jumping in here as you all are so supportive of me
tina prayers for you and the children how sad
brenda praying for your and your mom as well
i know what thats like i keep adult diapers on my MIL and
they are disposable as it would be awful to try to wash
or get them clean and destine for her bottom..praying for a good outcome.
blessings deborah
because it gets sore from the you know what..
inch by inch we find our way
jersey farmgirl
#1330
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2011 : 07:23:12 AM
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Hi ladies. Just getting caught up on posts here. Have been traveling to my homestate of Calif. Visiting family, taking care of some personal and legal stuff. It is such a blessing to have farmgirls to share and vent with. Each one with concerns, and thoughts that are a blessing to share with each other. I pray for strength and guidance in each of our unique circunstances. I, thankfully, actually had a fairly ok chat on the phone with my mom yesterday! When I go back, my mom will have her hip replacement surgery. It going to be tough, she will be at my daughters for about 3 mos or more. We all dread it, but prayers to get thru! My family is going thru a LOT of various changes these next few months, lots of praying and seeking time! My thoughts and prayers to each of you today as we face our individual challenges. Blessings, linda
Country at Heart |
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Here's to Your Health: Caregivers Chat and Encouragement |
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Caregivers Chat and Encouragement
