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Here's to Your Health:  Caregivers Chat and Encouragement  |
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csmartyonline
True Blue Farmgirl
247 Posts
Carole
Clarksville
TN
USA
247 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 10 2010 : 12:00:36 PM
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It's good to see you again, Bonnie. I have been AWOL a bit lately with things going on. I am also the sole caregiver for my husband. He was diagnosed with Parkinson's 17 years ago. He is now 63. It has been a long haul.
Once you've caught up, come back and catch us up with you. :)
Carole |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Dec 18 2010 : 08:20:11 AM
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Morning everyone!! I hope each of you are doing ok. Check in when you get a chance. Hope each of you are able to get some quiet and alone time to regroup. Take care everyone. Blessings, Linda
Country at Heart |
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csmartyonline
True Blue Farmgirl
247 Posts
Carole
Clarksville
TN
USA
247 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2010 : 02:57:23 AM
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Happy Holidays to all! I hope it will be a good one for each of you. God bless you with peace in your hearts!
Carole |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2011 : 08:43:17 AM
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Good Morning! I was wondering how everyone that has posted here is doing in their situations? Hope the New Year is bringing an easier time for everyone.
Blessings, Linda
http://www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Country at Heart |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2011 : 1:18:15 PM
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Is this the group for caregivers of parents or other family members?
I am currently caring for my mother in law [MIL. She lives here full time. She has breast cancer,diabetes,joint issues, severe osteperosis,kidnsy disease,high blood pressure,dementia... I think that covers it. She is lazy, over weight and hard to get along with. She lies and refuses to help herself most of the ime. I feel lots of guilt and anger. I pary a lot!
My parents are both moving into our basement apartment soon. They both have lots of health issues. But are really moving in due to finances. They will be living under our roof but I am hoping to keep the stress down with their own space.
I also have a DH of 20years. An adopted DD who is going to Iraq in 5 weeks, and another DD [16] who works part time, she is finishing her homeschool, is in 4-H, and is active in our church, and last but not least is my DS [19] who is looking for a job.
I am so overwhelmed alot of the time. I was hoping for some support.
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2011 : 4:49:45 PM
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Angie, I think you came to the right place. There haven't been many comments here lately, I think with winter and all everyone also fairly overwhelmed.
You absolutely have your hands full! Will be praying and thinking of you!
Many of us are in similar caregiving situations, whether husband, parents, or family with disabilities.
I too, have a mother that I 'caregive' in more of a legal and advice form for now. Long story. Mine too, is VERY difficult a person to deal with and it is very stressful.
When you get a chance read thru the prior posts here. I know you will find encouragent and a sense that you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings, whether good or bad days!
There are some fantastic books that help with the caregiving subjects. There is one on 'Boundaries' by Townsend and a great one 'Caring for the Difficult Aging Parent'. They both are on Amazon, with many used copies that are more affordable.
This is never an easy task, and I think having the person(s) we are caregiving for in the same home is even tougher. Especially when you are still a parent with kids at home, let alone dealing with some going away!
I admire all that you are doing, you must be a very strong person.
The farmgirls are an amazing source of support and strength. When you need to vent, when you need to troubleshoot, they are here 24/7!!
Keep hanging in there and know that many will be praying for you!
Take care, Linda
www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Country at Heart |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2011 : 7:32:11 PM
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Angie, you sure do have your hands full. But you must remember to take some time for you. Can you find somewhere to go by yourself and spend some time doing something you really enjoy? If you don't give yourself breaks away from it all, you will break and not be able to take care of anyone. I am the soul caregiver for my mom. She does live alone, one block from me. But the phone rings about 20-30 times a day, most days. She's very demanding and the anger on my side is there. And it seems like I never do anything right. After visiting with Linda several times a week, we are both there to support each other, I read the book "Taking care of difficult aging parents" that Linda suggested and saw that my situation is not all that different to hundreds of people. And I'm now allowing myself to take time for me, and when she has so many crazy demands, they are taken now when I see fit. My stress has lessened somewhat by allowing myself to live my life also. We are here to help you through this. Don't be afried to express your true feelings. We feel bad about them and hate to share them but once we do, it kind of losses its power. Knowing we're not alone in all of this. Praying for you sweetie! Hugs,Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 04:01:57 AM
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Thanks Linda and Brenda!
I will look for those books today. I really appreciate the support. Yesterday was a bad day for me due to a terrible headache. Once I got rid of the headache I was so much better. But I fell down the stairs, and was just no stop crying. I think it was all do to the headache.
I am glad there is a place to really let it out. My DH is somewaht supportive, but usually ends up yelling about kicking everybody out. We both know this is not the answer, yet he has anger about it all too.
Well I promised myself very little computer time today so I wont get the headache back.
Thanks Again
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 05:05:26 AM
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Angie I do pray that you are ok from that fall. I understand the headaches, I struggle with them all the time. I have had all kinds of test done and the drs. finally said they were migraines and stress. Of course the stress can cause the migraines. I think alot of it is, not enough sleep or rest. And when you are so stressed it causes the little accidents to happen. Also, the DH'S have a right to get angry. Especially when they see the stress that it is putting on us. They would also like to get their life back as it use to be. It's just hard on the whole family, but we all do the best we can. And we are all different and handle things differently. No way is right or wrong. We must just do the best we can and walk with the Lord through it all. He's the one carrying us through. Prayers that all can find some peace in their day! Hugs, Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 10:59:51 AM
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Thanks Brenda. If it weren't for the Lord I would not be able to do it! He is really my rock!
Anyway, I know my hubby does his best, I just hate his yelling too. I need to pray for us to find a better way to communicate about the stress of this house.
Off to check my goats and pack my stuff for Indy.
Thanks Again
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
#1038 |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2011 : 2:14:40 PM
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Angie, you have goats!! I'm jealous! He he he. Love them!
Take care ok? Keep checking in and let us know how you are doing. The Lord is our Rock for certain!!
Blessings, Linda
Country at Heart |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2011 : 03:30:33 AM
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I am doing good. We are in Indy for my Dads appointment. He gose in at 8am tehy will do a test, if it shows good he goes to surgery.
My thing is my goats, and my garden and my other animals. I love to spend time with them in the barn, it is one way I get away.
Stay warm and dry!
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
#1038 |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2011 : 04:01:55 AM
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My trip to Indy with my parents was hard. My Dad is very ill, and without this procedure that he is having this week, he will die. He is losing weight and memory. Not to mention just feeling lost. He has 100% blockage on one side of his neck, making the other main artery the only one providing blood flow to the brain. The stints will allow better flow, he has some blockage on the good side too. So the medical news for Dad was good. But my Mother has lost it.
To make a long story short, she left my youngest sister out of all of the news of my Dads condition. Making her feel bad. Instead of understanding my sisters feelings she went off for the next two days. She cussed, screamed, yelled and complained about us three girls. I literally drove from Indy to Northeren Indiana with her screaming, cussing and telling Dad and I how we are maen and so on. I was so tempted to push her out of that car... I am actually shaking right now. I need to set limits with her. My Mother has always been off. She would hug me one minute and smakc and cuss me out the next[when I was a kid to the age of 18]. I have forgiven her for her behavior, even thought she takes no responsibilty or even admits it. I prayed for grace and humility the whole way home. I think God gave me the streght to handle this situation. But I wonder if I must also begin some good rules. Like in the future if she is cussing while I drive, I will simply stop the car and tell her it is dangerous to drive in this situation; so I will not move until she controls herself. Is this a good way to handel it? Do I have no right to talk to her this way? She has not even moved in to my basement and I feel exhausted!
I know this is complaining, but I am not trying to complain. I just need a little advice.
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2011 : 04:25:04 AM
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Angie I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I believe the Lord knows you are doing the best you can. And your not doing anything wrong. You shouldn't have to be beat up by someone elses comments. I'm just learning that myself and it's hard but by standing up to what you feel is right for you and your family is the best way to go. After awhile she will see that you are firm is how you are going to handle things she will begin to ease off. Maybe not for long, but remember to not slip back to letting her control you. Alot of people live for the control of others. I'm not saying that this is you mother, but I know in my case it is. And of course stay connected with the Lord and he'll show you the way. Praying for you sweetie. Hugs, Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2011 : 10:04:49 AM
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Thanks Brenda, and my mom is a control freak. She also has to have all the attention or she flips out.
I will stay firm. I have to.
Again Thanks
Happy Valentines Day
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2011 : 10:15:43 AM
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Angie, you are 'preaching to the choir' as the saying goes!! I think you have the same mom that Brenda and I do. Was just on the phone this week with Brenda re: my mom. It is sooooo difficult to have a parent with mental illness. It actually has taken me 56 years to understand to call it and accept it as that. My mom is what they now call narcissitic, ocd and control. She is a very mean, harsh person and Everything must revolve around her at all times!! Thankfully she now lives 2 hrs from me and that helps. But I shake even when I know I need to call her or see her. Only those that have been raised by people like this can truly understand. As they get old, I do think the Lord asks of us to be a help to them. And we all try. But He does understand that we are doing our best, we are human and keep as calm as we can at times. Sometimes, like I did this week, fail in that. We ask His forgiveness and we try, once again, to move forward. I am learning to set boundaries and stick to them as best I can. Even tho I know to her and her friends I look just terrible. The flip side none of her friends know is my heart and the hearts of my kids, who try to help her. She usually makes that impossible or refuses all together and then rakes us over the coals to friends. Surprise! She rakes the friends over the coals as well. Is seems impossible to please in any way these personality disorders. Try the best you can to do what you know God is leading you to do. That is what is important. The Lord has shown me over and over that we are doing ok where she is concerned. At some point she too, is accountable for the consequences hers behavior results in. Wherever she lives, eventually the 'go fer' people she uses burn out on her as well when they see what she is really like and how demanding and cruel she is. We understand here!! Praying for you that things will ease up some for you and you feel the Lord's peace. Hugs, and blessings to you, Linda
www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Country at Heart |
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barefootmama
True Blue Farmgirl
133 Posts
Jennifer
BLOOMSBURG
Pennsylvania
USA
133 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2011 : 10:31:54 AM
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I feel for all of you wonderful ladies..I am a full time CNA in a very busy hospital so I get to take care of all kinds of people..plus,when I go home I have family to care for also..Inlaws both with poor health,grandparents,bro in law plus my own young kids so I understand what you all are going through..It's tough to not be appreciated and to hardly have anytime for yourselves I understand completely...I wish for you all a day of rest and self indulgence..you are all very deserving of it!!! and even know I don't know you all personally I think you are all fantastic and thank you for all that you do for others.
Blessed Be
Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves,for they shall never cease to be amused:) |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2011 : 4:04:13 PM
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Brenda and Linda- I want to thank you , you are really helping me thru this.I am glad to know I am not the only one who has a crazy mom. I am working on boundaries and what the Lord wants me to do for my parents and my mother in law.I have a lot to work on, my anger with my mother in law is not good. I really need to pray on that one.
My Dads surgery was a sucess! He is doing great, I took them both home and am now home too! Their apartment in our basement will be done in the next couple weeks as we planned. I am glad I wont have to drive an hour to drive back 45min. towards my house to take them to their regular dr. visits.
This trip was ok. I stayed firm with my mother. When I was doing my Yoga and then doing Bible devotions and listening to a sermon, she tried to yell at me. I just simply said, this is my time and thank you. It really worked. She was angry and slammed the door, but I don't care. I do deserve this time for me.
Jennifer- Thank you!
Well I can't aty on long. I need a shower, I just did chores and am sweaty and smelly!
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2011 : 8:11:29 PM
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Angie, good news to hear!! Sadly,I am learning as well, they will get angry when we set boundaries and they do not get 'their way'. But little by little as that becomes the norm, it gets easier to not allow the guilt and their manipulation to get us down! Hang in there for all of us!
Blessings, Linda
www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Country at Heart |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2011 : 8:39:44 PM
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Angie I was glad to hear your dad's appointment went well. Sometimes I think our moms have spent their entire life telling us what we can and can't do. But when you start setting boundaries that soon will see we are now adults. 57 is a little late to enter into adulthood, but I'm seeing changes. Hang in there girlfriend. Hugs,Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2011 : 01:09:06 AM
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LOL, Brenda; I don't think she is changing. She was on the phone complaining about me for the next hour. But I have learned that is ok. She wears these freinds out too!
Lastnight, having just come home, made dinner and done chors I was tired. So my hubby asked his mom to run to the hardware for him. He took my money [with permission], and gave it to her. Well she lost 20 dollars. I was so angry. First she tried to say she only had 20, not 40. Then it was, well it must be in the bag. So my hubby dug thru the trash; while she sat on her butt, nothing. Then she was like well sorry. I was mad. If it had been her 20 she would have looked for it. She never even tried. Just sat down and shrugged her shoulders.
That is my mother in law. The house could be on fire and she would move at turtle speed! Makes me crazy!
Well today is already warmish, and I love it. I have some office work for the farm and real estate to do today. So busy, busy.
I thank you again, I feel safe here.
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2011 : 7:15:45 PM
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Angie, could not agree more! I feel so blessed by these forums. It is truly a place to feel safe to be yourself and share what is on your heart. Prayers and thoughts for each of us as we face each day and get thru each new challenge!
Blessings, Linda
www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Country at Heart |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2011 : 11:57:14 AM
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I am doing good. I am praying a lot and working thru all the stress.
Linda- I loved this- Prayers and thoughts for each of us as we face each day and get thru each new challenge!
I am so busy. I will go.
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2011 : 5:38:57 PM
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Well, I needed to remind myself that today!! AAAARRRRGGGG!! As I have shared on here in prior posts. My mom has people she seeks out and uses for as long as they let her do so. She lives 2 hrs from family here so we cant help her much. But, even when offered, she refuses family help. She is making some major health decisions most likely with her friends rather than family. It is pointless anyway as she does what she wants, when she wants. Does not listen to her Drs or families thoughts. It is rough and we just want to scream, believe me!! I am realizing that it sure is what it is. Not much we can do about it. Because no matter what we say or do not say, we are wrong and idiots. So, what can we do? Hang in there everyone! Thanks for letting me vent.
Blessings, Linda
Country at Heart |
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amomfly
True Blue Farmgirl
658 Posts
Angie
LaGrange
IN
USA
658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 27 2011 : 05:55:30 AM
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OH Linda, I understand and venting is healthy!
The apartment is almost done. The move in date has been set, it is March 11-13. So I pray it all goes well. I think it will be ok. I know my Moms ways, and how she can manipulate others. But I am ready for it. So I hope that helps.
Thanks to all of you!
Come visit my blog
http://angieruralliving.blogspot.com/
God Bless
Angie-amomfly
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Here's to Your Health: Caregivers Chat and Encouragement |
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Caregivers Chat and Encouragement
