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Here's to Your Health:  Caregivers Chat and Encouragement  |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 01 2010 : 11:28:32 AM
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Hello! Hope everyone who has posted is doing ok!! Classygram and I are in positions of having to set some strong boundaries with our moms and family. Soooo.....prayers please! Know that most of you understand how that goes! Have a good day!??! Blessings, linda
Country at Heart |
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csmartyonline
True Blue Farmgirl
247 Posts
Carole
Clarksville
TN
USA
247 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2010 : 12:09:47 PM
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Hi Linda ... will pray for you and Classygam. I have have sort of been out of the loop and not wanting to do anything lately. I think my mind went on vacation even though my body is still here. ;-)
Carole |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Oct 02 2010 : 5:16:54 PM
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Prayinfg for you too Carol!!!!
Country at Heart |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Oct 02 2010 : 5:18:36 PM
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Good grief, hit the wrong keys! That is praying for you Carole!!
Country at Heart |
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csmartyonline
True Blue Farmgirl
247 Posts
Carole
Clarksville
TN
USA
247 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2010 : 02:19:57 AM
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| Thanks, sweetie. I hope your boundary setting is going well too. Not an easy task. |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2010 : 08:07:53 AM
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Well ladies it seems the caretaking role is just getting bigger. My wonderful brother has told my mom to just let me do everything. She now wants us to move in with her. She only lives a block away, yet we are both living in small duplexs. She DOESN'T like DH. Thinks he's worthless because he was laid off last Dec. and still unable to find a job. She calls him a hog and thinks he's just lazy. Please understand that he has taken good care of me. So I just can't make that move. We tried it once and I cried myself asleep every night. We is so hateful, and mean to people. I know that alot of that comes with age. But really, THIS MUCH!! She'll butter you up when she wants something, then turn around and not like what or how you did it. I check in everyday and talk to her several times a day. She has fallen twice, so I told her to keep her phone with her at all times. She refuses to go to a very nice place I had found. It would be much better living than what she has now. She just won't do it. Has anyone else dealt with this type of personality and still continue the care they need? Help!! I'm at my wits end. Hugs, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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csmartyonline
True Blue Farmgirl
247 Posts
Carole
Clarksville
TN
USA
247 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 02:17:36 AM
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Wow, Brenda, you are definitely under the gun. Can you tell your brother and mother that you just can't do it? I know it's your own mother and that can make you feel soooo guilty, but this all looks so very selfish on their part. It's like they are sacrificing you. Can you make up a written list of what you CAN do and give it to both of them to consider? There are no easy answers here because you seemingly are the only one that is really looking for an answer to the situation.
Praying your DH will find work soon.
Hugs >> (((((Brenda)))))
Carole |
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Dorinda
True Blue Farmgirl
1023 Posts
Dorinda
St. Cloud
Florida
USA
1023 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 05:19:40 AM
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Hi Brenda, I am in the same situation but worse. My Mother lives in town and she is sick. She is on oxygen full time and uses a walker to get aroud. I have a handicapp sister who lives with her. I have her in a day program 2 days a week. On Mondays and Thursdays. Neither one can drive , cook, wash laundry or do any thing. We live in the country on 40 acres. About 15 minutes away from town. My Mother is so hard to deal with. She complains about every thing I do for her. From the food I cook and bring to them to how I wash their clothes. She will actualy go thru the food I have prepared for them looking for a grain of pepper. Because she does not like pepper. If she sees any specs that she thinks is pepper she refuses to eat the food. I spend a fortune on them going thru drive thrus. I am really burned out. I have a son of my own who has Epilepsy. I am fixing to have a new grand son. My Mothers house is payed for. I have begged her to sale it and we would put her a mobile home out by us. But she refuses to do that.
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 05:46:34 AM
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Carole I have told them I can't do it all. Before my back surgery I just went ahead and did it because back already a mess. Had surgery in April and have had to keep doing to the point that now I'm headed back to the surgeon to see what I've done to it. They really don't care. They each want their own way. So will see what dr says. But thanks for the suggestion.
Dorinda, Sweetie I don't know how you keep up and care for yourself. I'm so sorry that you are dealt so much to take care of. If only they weren't so stubborn and ungrateful. Like one evening of cooking everyday, my DD had somewhere she had to be and her DH offered to fix grams while he was doing the families. She told my DD that was the best meal yet. Kind of hurt, but she just let it roll off her back. Prayers for you dear, that somehow things can get better. Maybe mom will come around about the move and selling house. That would help not running into town for you. There are times when I've gone as far as I can. But when I hear others like your story, I feel I just need to suck it up and do what needs to be done, no matter what. Everyone that is in this position of caregiving are in my thoughts and Prayers that it will work out that some help can be found. Hugs, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 05:47:35 AM
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Carole I have told them I can't do it all. Before my back surgery I just went ahead and did it because back already a mess. Had surgery in April and have had to keep doing to the point that now I'm headed back to the surgeon to see what I've done to it. They really don't care. They each want their own way. So will see what dr says. But thanks for the suggestion.
Dorinda, Sweetie I don't know how you keep up and care for yourself. I'm so sorry that you are dealt so much to take care of. If only they weren't so stubborn and ungrateful. Like one evening of cooking everyday, my DD had somewhere she had to be and her DH offered to fix grams while he was doing the families. She told my DD that was the best meal yet. Kind of hurt, but she just let it roll off her back. Prayers for you dear, that somehow things can get better. Maybe mom will come around about the move and selling house. That would help not running into town for you. There are times when I've gone as far as I can. But when I hear others like your story, I feel I just need to suck it up and do what needs to be done, no matter what. Everyone that is in this position of caregiving are in my thoughts and Prayers that it will work out that some help can be found. Hugs, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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csmartyonline
True Blue Farmgirl
247 Posts
Carole
Clarksville
TN
USA
247 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 08:51:45 AM
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I know ... but when we keep doing the things we say we can't, we become enablers. They learn that "I can't" means "I'm going to keep doing it anyway". I'm not being critical cause I am the same way. I know it is next to impossible to stop. I guess what we need to say is I can't do this anymore and am stopping such-and-such a thing at such-and-such a time ... but I will help you work out an alternative solution. Especially if there are options. I know we become trapped in family dynamics too so it isn't just a caregiver issue.
I'm preaching to myself here also so please don't get offended.
Love you all and understand,
Carole |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Oct 07 2010 : 8:29:28 PM
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Wow ladies! Think each of us is 'Preachin to the choir' as the saying goes! Lol! We all have similar mothers and situations. I have shared before here as well. It is so incredibly difficult, the caregiving role and often times, it is a no win situation. Sometimes maybe just have to make decisions on a moment by moment basis. It is so rough when people we deal with are just downright mean, selfish and miserable personalities! Lets be here to support each other! A restful nite to all!! Linda
Country at Heart |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2010 : 2:51:26 PM
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Hi everyone, hope all are doing ok. Fall is in the air here for sure! take care and keep posting!
Country at Heart |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2010 : 07:05:14 AM
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Good morning ladies! I hope things are going better for all. It is soooo difficult to be in this role but lets keep posting and trying to uplit one another ok? Carole, are you ok? Hope you are feeling some better. I think sometimes that we just get so overwhelmed that we need to shut down for a bit. My cousin gave me some new book titles that may help us each with our situations. I will get them together and post here within a few days ok? Everyone, take care. Blessings, Linda
Country at Heart |
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KayB
True Blue Farmgirl
540 Posts
Kay
Del City
Oklahoma
USA
540 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2010 : 7:36:18 PM
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I hope things start going better for you ladies. I took care of my late husband for the last 12 years of our marriage and the last couple of years was real hell. I know what you're saying and even though I would try to put my foot down regarding things that were going on, his mom would tell him I was nothing and to ignore me. I was just there to wait on him hand and foot. I was put on a time limit for shopping and going to and from work. He actually called DHS and found out they would pay me to stay home and take care of him. However, they wouldn't have paid enough and there would have been no insurance. He had lost a leg to diabetes and had inoperable heart problems due to that, too. He was horrible to my daughters and the only person who did anything right was our son. The boy did not have to do anything but spend time with his dad while my youngest daughter and I worked our butts off. The older one was already married and out of the house. He actually convinced his parents I was trying to burn down the house with him in knowing he couldn't get out. They came and took him and our son to their place in a small town here in OK and it was more than a year after he died before I could get him back. MIL died within a year after hubby.
I found out that if I could just get out and walk or play in the park down the street for 15 or 20 minutes, it made things easier. I also ended up doing a lot of praying and Bible studying. That's another thing, I couldn't go to church because it was too hard to take him because he would not cooperate in way so that any of us could go.
Shortly after, my mom died and suddenly I was expected to take care of my stepfather who always told me my half-sisters were princesses and I was nothing. That's a whole other story.
I feel for you ladies and will keep you my hearts and prayers. I know it's hard, but there has to be a way to handle all of this to everyone's satisfaction. I just don't have any answers. But you will be my thoughts daily.
KayB
Life's a dance you learn as you go |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2010 : 7:53:43 PM
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Kay it is so nice that you stopped in, And I'm so sorry to hear what you had to go through. I have a question, did you find yourself just not liking him much anymore? I know that is a very personal question, but have found that is what I've been feeling. Since I can do nothing right and she's told me I'm not good for anything, I just want to throw my hands up and stay away. Today she told me that she was going to take a shower on her own. I said ok, be careful. She called back and I was taking the trash out and when I came back in she was calling again. She uses over 2000 min. a month calling me. I told her I'm glad she did ok. That I was outside. She said, "WELL, I just thought you'd want to know." In her loud, controling voice. It just makes my stomach knot up. I don't want to feel this way, but when I'm nice she just thinks of things to make me angry. I'm so glad that you did get your son back. What a terrible thing for all of you to go through. Please come back anytime, we are all here to listen! Hugs, Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2010 : 07:28:31 AM
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Good morning to all and thoughts to all that their day is one that goes fairly ok! In listening to all so many of you are going thru, I think that I have it lucky so far. i know that more and worse is yet to come down the road with my mom. But, for now, the 2 hour distance is a genuine blessing! I need not complain for the moment anyway. I am thinking of all of you as you go about your days. This caregiving thing is really tough and each one of us has our own sets of different challanges to deal with. I am sooo very thankful that we have fellow farmgirls to check in and share their stories. SOOO thankful to you, Carole, for starting this thread!! Take care everybody! Blessings, Linda
Country at Heart |
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csmartyonline
True Blue Farmgirl
247 Posts
Carole
Clarksville
TN
USA
247 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2010 : 10:20:22 AM
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Hi all, I'm trying to get caught up. Just soooo busy and then dumb 'puter problems. I'm glad to see Kay and the two grans posting.
We're okay. Hubby had his birthday last weekend. He has been doing well but overdid it with the eating and so forth around B-day and I think he's paying the price for that. OF course, the caregiver pays the price too. ;-)
Other than that, I've been out in the yard trying to button things down for the months ahead, clean up, prepare for winter. But now today it's back up to 70. Well, there you. I love being outside gardening though. It's my therapy at times.
See you all soon, Lord willing and the creek don't rise.
Hugs,
Carole |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2010 : 11:58:11 AM
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Glad to hear you are doing ok Carole!! It has been raining here all day, pretty cold too. Think winter is a-coming, lol! Have a good day everyone, Linda
http://www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Country at Heart |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2010 : 05:30:23 AM
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Hope all are doing ok. Blessings, Linda
Country at Heart |
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csmartyonline
True Blue Farmgirl
247 Posts
Carole
Clarksville
TN
USA
247 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2010 : 12:11:17 PM
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Adding my blessings to all as well. :-)
Carole |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2010 : 05:53:31 AM
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Want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy being with your loved ones and all the good eats. Pray that everyone will be doing well to enjoy the holiday season. Hugs, Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2010 : 08:15:25 AM
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Hope everyone is doing ok and the days are not too bad with the roles that we have!! Blessings, Linda
Country at Heart |
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BonnieBlue
True Blue Farmgirl
67 Posts
bonnie
amite
LA
USA
67 Posts |
Posted - Dec 10 2010 : 08:01:54 AM
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Dear Friends,
I forgot where this chat was and glad that I found it again. I am the sole caregiver for my husband, who has Muscular Dystrophy. He is 67 and I am 56. His health has been bad now for 10 years. I will have to take time and read the 7 pages here on this chat and hope to find some ideas and help.
I am glad to be here with you all.
Bonnie |
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Here's to Your Health: Caregivers Chat and Encouragement |
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Caregivers Chat and Encouragement
