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Across the Fence:  Stories from us widow women.....  |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
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J.F. Brown
True Blue Farmgirl
130 Posts
Jamie
Beaverton
OR
USA
130 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 26 2010 : 10:46:06 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by cheneygal
Jamie so glad you joined us when you did, as you can see we all share our stories of the "love of our lives" here, cry, vent, ask questions, so feel free to jump in any time. This is a wonderful sisterhood!!
live, laugh, love
Thanks for the welcome. It's good to be able to say,"I still miss him!", not that I don't say it out loud and in person, too. But good to have a place where it's acknowledged upfront... and by women who also love plants, old tool sheds, canning and oh, I don't know, all that stuff... well that's even better! |
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J.F. Brown
True Blue Farmgirl
130 Posts
Jamie
Beaverton
OR
USA
130 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2010 : 10:53:28 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Julia
Hi girls, you might have noticed I haven't posted in awhile. I feel like I have gone backwards in my grief. I know a big reason is with my daughter now married and gone, it is the whole empty house thing. On top of that I have been trying to get my business up and running, which has overwhelmed me, and then there is the never ending projects that have to be done around the house as well as the laundry... I have cried so much in the past week, I just feel so weary, with no strength left. I have to talk myself out of bed, as I have no drive or real sense of purpose. I do what needs to be done, simply because it needs to get done. I have no appetite, no energy. It feels like 20 months ago, all over again. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt like they were back at square one?
Julia, it sure happens.Having a child move away is really, really hard.When one of mine left for college, I just plain phoned in to life for a while. If you are getting up and doing what is needed, you are doing a lot. Please try to find nutritious food that you can bear to eat,and get yourself whatever care you can, from therapy and massage if you can afford it, to tea and a phone call if you can't. I really truly believe that we survive this because we must, and because our sisters carry us.
I wear my cape around my waist.
#440
http://www.iglitteredthecat.blogspot.com/
http://myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2010 : 08:57:52 AM
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Thanks Jamie, yesterday afternoon, I felt like I was seeing light again, I do feel less heavy. "I really truly believe that we survive this because we must, and because our sisters carry us." That is so true! And this is a good place to be carried.
I wear my cape around my waist.
#440
http://www.iglitteredthecat.blogspot.com/
http://myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com |
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grace gerber
True Blue Farmgirl
2804 Posts
grace
larkspur
colorado
USA
2804 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2010 : 09:28:13 AM
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Just tought I would stop back in and check in - I am hoping that peace is finding it's way to you all and that joy is covering your lives. Life is sometimes more work then we think we can do but with the love of others and faith in our own strength we can carry on. I believe in your strength and ability to create a life that would honor those we have lost. When the price of life get's to be too heavy - breathe and know you are stronger then you think.
Love and Light to You
Grace Gerber
Larkspur Funny Farm and Fiber Art Studio
Where the spirits are high and the fiber is deep
http://www.larkspurfunnyfarm.etsy.com
http://larkspurfunnyfarm.blogspot.com
http://larkspurfunnyfarm.artfire.com
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2010 : 11:03:34 AM
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Grace:
Beautifully stated, and so true.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2010 : 9:09:55 PM
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Like what you said Grace. A friend who lost his wife several months before my husband passed away, always says to me, 'Breathe, you're not going crazy.' Can't tell you how many times thinking of that, and taking a deep breathe has really helped. In fact, I have a post-it-note with those words on the side of my dresser, I see first thing every morning, along with, 'Lord, give me grace this day, to begin.'
I wear my cape around my waist.
#440
http://www.iglitteredthecat.blogspot.com/
http://myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Aug 31 2010 : 9:05:08 PM
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Grace, words well said, thank you!! Makes you rethink things, and makes you rethink yourself, also. We appreciate that.
live, laugh, love |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2010 : 05:14:53 AM
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Julia,
Sometimes it is just the fact that no one can walk in your shoes on this journey. Sure, there are lots of people to support you but there is no one else who really gets it.
Sometimes I would be with a group of people and just want to scream"Hey, I've just lost the love of my life! Does anybody care?" and other times I would just go to the mall (or someplace full of people) just so I could be anonymous and knew that nobody knew my story
Michele
www.2vintagedivas.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.artfire.com
Love that good ole vintage junk |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2010 : 05:48:27 AM
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MIchele,
I SOOO understand what you mean! My family won't even speak my love's name so I do it over and over and over to them. My big boss at work made the mistake of asking me how I was on a bad day and I told her and she was very compassionate (surprise) but I cannot do that often. So when I go home at night I tell our furbabies all about him and memories I remember. I am also writing the memories down in a journal. Its only been 4 months and I still cannot believe that he will not be there when I get home each day.
got to go back to work...
love and hugs to all of you!
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2010 : 2:10:31 PM
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Janiee, Fur babies help so much with grief. You can talk to them, say anything you want and not have to worry about it. They comfort you and stay close when you need them. You can let your anger out and yell and cry and they don't mind or think you are losing it! You are never alone with them around. Thank God for our bundles of love and comfort.
Hugs MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2010 : 6:16:16 PM
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Mary Jane:
I agree with that! My husband just lost his mother last week. Our furry children have given him great comfort.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Sep 02 2010 : 09:13:39 AM
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My babies are wonderful! I have 2 inside dogs and 2 inside cats - one cat just loves to love on me, one cat comes to me when i am sad and comforts me, one dog makes me laugh and the other dog protects me--all traits of my beloved.
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2010 : 7:24:01 PM
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Just kind of wondered how everyones Labor Day went....and this was getting too far down on the list!! I really hope we can stick together and keep this thread that Teresa started going, it's really something wonderful. I spent some time with my cousin and her boyfriend, who live on the other side of the state, nice, quality time, we reminisced alot about Pete and some of the things he used to say, lots of laughs, and yes, a few tears also. Hoping everyone made it through in good shape!!
live, laugh, love |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Sep 17 2010 : 12:30:10 PM
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Just wondering if anyone else is like this? I use to do a lot of "craft" work - crocheting for babies and sewing burial garments for preemies and painting boxes for parents and such. Its now been a little more than 4 months since my beloved died and i still am not interested in any of that stuff. I don't know if I am searching for something different to do because I use to do all of this with him or what? I mainly go to work and church and my mom's at least once a month and the rest of the time, I am making sure that my furbabies are ok and my house is clean and i sit a lot. I am tired of sitting but I don't know what else to do? I have thought about starting a little business of sewing but then i think i am too tired at night to work at it and i don't feel like doing it on the weekends. would appreciate any advice...
hugs'
janiee
#390 |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Sep 18 2010 : 8:23:04 PM
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Janie, I think what your feeling is perfectly and absolutely normal, I can remember feeling that way, I just couldn't get into anything I enjoyed, and if I felt that way I'd just sit, read, nap, watch TV, internet, whatever. I didn't push myself too much, until a couple months later, and I must have been ready for that, because all of a sudden, I was back up to speed, working, gardening, projects outside, etc. I could stay on task and finish whatever it was. Give yourself a little more time, be good to yourself, on a day off if you feel like napping, then nap, if you feel like reminiscing and crying your eyes out, then do it!! I think you'll come around in time, and we all have different time tables so don't worry!!! By the way, I need to add, that Teresa/1badmamawolf sends her love to all, hopes we are all doing fine, and thinks about us everyday!!
live, laugh, love |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Sep 20 2010 : 10:47:10 AM
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thanks cheney gal! I was beginning to get worried since I didn't enjoy anything any more but now I won't. I just like sitting in the back yard and watching my two little dogs play with each other.
hugs
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Sep 22 2010 : 8:17:26 PM
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Janie, Suzie is right, it is normal. It has been 21 months, and part of me is aching to get in my art studio, but I just don't have the energy to get there. I signed up on the new Farmgirl USA website to sell my wares, just so that I have a goal and purpose. I am hoping it will help. Take your time, it will come, just take time for you right now. All the other stuff will fall into place as it needs to. Hugs to you!
I wear my cape around my waist.
#440
http://www.iglitteredthecat.blogspot.com/
http://myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2010 : 06:45:56 AM
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Its me again! does anyone have any suggestions for me to get thru the upcoming holiday season? My sweet love LOVED this time of the year. I already fell apart in a dollar store just from coming around the corner and seeing all of the halloween candy. had a panic attack in hobby lobby from all the Christmas items. I know that I have to "run into it" from time to time so I am limiting the number of times i go anywhere for just now but I would appreciate some ideas.
Last year it was just me and my love and my mom at Thanksgiving and for Christmas dinner it was the three of us plus my two brothers. I don't have a large family (aka blood related) so anyone missing is very noticeable. and this halloween will marked the sixth month of his passing. 1/2 a year, it doesn't seem possible to me it still seems like yesterday.
anyway, thanks for listening
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
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vintage saver
True Blue Farmgirl
323 Posts
oleta
wheelersburg
ohio
USA
323 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2010 : 07:26:58 AM
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| My husband died when we were 42 from complications from surgery leading to massive infection, was in isolation in the icu from may til aug. It took me a while. I think it really started to hit me several months later. You have to accept that this Christmas won"t be the same. Do something different. Visit somebody. I moved my bedroom and living room furniture around, bedroom to a totally different room. I learned to squaredance and made some friends there- wish I was still able to do it. |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2010 : 5:38:47 PM
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Oh Janie, I know how you feel. Christmas is the hardest for me as Dale passed away 11 days before Christmas. His memorial service was the day after my birthday, so needless to say, it is a tough month. It is one of those things that you just have to get through. I agree with Oleta, do something different than you normally do, if you want. Or maybe you need to do all the same traditions for the holidays as you always have. Everyone is different and need different things.
It has been 20 months for me, and still doesn't seem real at times. You are stronger than you know, and will make it through this, just do one day at a time, one holiday at a time. Big hugs to you!! ( I just used my wonderful tea cozy)
I wear my cape around my waist.
#440
http://www.iglitteredthecat.blogspot.com/
http://myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2010 : 8:59:09 PM
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I too think you should do whatever makes you most comfortable, Thanksgiving came just two and a half weeks after Pete passed last year. I really didn't want to do anything, but knew in my heart he'd want me to do a dinner, so I did and invited some friends of ours, I've always loved Christmas, decorating and all of it, so pushed myself to do the normal....I love decorating for the holidays so much, and somehow it made me feel better, although I questioned myself as to whether I should be doing it.....I spent the holiday away from home, at my brother and sister in laws and had a wonderful five days with them. Move at your own pace, if you feel you can't deal with things, choose not to. We all have our own time frames, for everything losing a loved one entails. I still have meltdowns here and there, just not as frequently. I always wonder where they come from, but only God has the answer to that one!!
live, laugh, love |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2010 : 07:17:31 AM
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Hi Gals, I haven't been on for a while because stuff just gets in the way sometimes.
I want to share something so sweet and touching taht happened last month.
Ken and I had/have dear friends who we met when we were all babies. Jimmy and ken were on the same ship in the Navy and became close friends. When Jimmy married Georgann, we all became friends.
After the Navy, we lived in different states but managed to get together as often as we could. time rolled on and we all had kids, and lives and talked on the phone often or emailed.
They have remained friends and call me often, especially on those hard milestone days.
My son and daughter in law recently moved to Ohio and are only about 45 minutes from our friends so they went to visit them. They welcomed them warmly and told them that they could be their family in Ohio, if they needed anything or just wanted to get together.
A few weeks ago, they invited am son, daughter in law and me to come down for dinner.
So, I drove to Ohio and spent a day or two with my kids, which was terific and then we drove to our friends for dinner.
Jimmy made a wonderful dinner of Spanish Paella and bought a couple of bottles of a Spanish wine that he and my dh had always enjoyed.
During dinned with our friends, their grown kids, my kids, we reminisced about our great times together. Jimmy passed around a glass of wine in memory of Ken and we all had a sip and then we toasted him.
It was a particularly special evening.!!
Lots of laughter and a few tears as well, but these great people who loved my husband, made us feel so warm and welcome.
Once, during the evening, my daughter in law told Jimmy she was sad she had never met my dh and he said, "Don't Worry, you're living with him. Jared is soooo much like his Dad". My son was so proud.
I'm crying as i write this because I am so blessed to have special people like this in my life and wanted to share it with all of you.
The grief never goes away but sometimes you are lucky to have some sweet, poignant moments like these.
Michele
www.2vintagedivas.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.artfire.com
Love that good ole vintage junk |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2010 : 09:53:47 AM
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Michelle, isn't it wonderful to have a feeling like that?? To be welcomed by such good friends from long ago....kind of like being pulled into the fold. Odd story here, last Christmas when my dh had only been gone about 6 wks., my brother and sis/law insisted I come for the holiday and spend a few days. My two stepsons insisted I join their family for Christmas Eve. This would included my dh's ex wife and her spouse, of course I had visited w/Chris on many occasions, being the boys' mom, we shed quite a few tears over the phone when my dh was ill and so on. Nevertheless, I was a little concerned about being w/all of them for the holiday. My worries were for nothing, I had the most wonderful time, and we too toasted Pete with a glass of wine. I never dreamt I would feel so welcome. What a great feeling I will never forget!!
live, laugh, love |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2010 : 9:11:53 PM
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I'm just kind of missing chatting with all you girls.....wondering how you all are doing, how you made it through the summer, birthdays, special occasions. I'd really like to see this thread being continued. The first anniversary of my late Dh is coming up, not sure how I will deal with it, but did take the day off work, maybe I shouldn't have done that....maybe better off working, time will tell. I feel I'm a little more at peace with things, if that's possible, have wonderful neighbors that make sure I "get out", have been to dinner with almost all of them at one point or another, it's a wonderful feeling to know they care. Anybody have anything to add??
live, laugh, love |
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Across the Fence: Stories from us widow women..... |
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Stories from us widow women.....
