| Author |
Across the Fence:  Stories from us widow women.....  |
|
janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 26 2010 : 05:37:24 AM
|
Hi girls,
just checking in. am doing better with my diabetic problems but that is about it. had a melt down last night when i realized that this week marks the 6 month anniversary of my beloved's death. 1/2 year, it just doesn't seem possible. I had tried to join some swaps but had to get out of them - just couldn't do them this time around. planning on halloween to turn off most of the lights and put on some of his clothes (aka tee shirt) and watch a movie that i know he loved. am praying for all of you...
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
 |
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Oct 26 2010 : 7:07:21 PM
|
Ahhhhhh Janie, sending big hugs to you. Isn't it funny how those meltdowns come around from behind and just slap you up side of the head?? I've had a few lately also. Tonight it was some funny little gesture that I saw on a commercial that reminded me so much of my late dh.....couple days ago I had customers in the store (married couple), that really were not too nice to each other, made me feel bad for them, and glad that I didn't have that kind of relationship, so cried all the way home from work. I'm coming up on the 1st. anniversary of Pete's passing, I did take the day off work, but not too sure that was a good idea, maybe I'll just stay in my jammies all day and just sit and "be". Sending prayers to you also.
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
Kirksmom71
True Blue Farmgirl
873 Posts
Mel
Dallas
Texas
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2010 : 2:27:14 PM
|
Today! I MISS HIM SOOOOOOO!
My best to all,
Mel
Sassy City Girl with Farmgirl Fantasies! |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2010 : 8:20:20 PM
|
Hi Mel, hope you made it through yesterday as good as you could. Pretty tough when those anniversarys come up. I went through that last week, as I said in a previous post I took that day off, but the day before was horrible!! Man, my feelings were right on my sleeve and several times at work was in tears, good golly, glad when the day was over. The day of Pete's passing I had some phone calls from friends that "knew what day it was", we shared good memories and happy times. That evening I went to dinner with my crew from work and they were awesome, and it's exactly what my late dh would have wanted me to be doing. Big hugs for you my friend, know that I am thinking of you.
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Nov 18 2010 : 11:29:20 AM
|
Wow !! I have goose bumps again!! Hi..I'm sister #2339 it is my 2nd day here and I already love it here ! I posted last night to a thread for prayers. This morning I had several responses that were so sweet and kind. one of which posted a link to this thread !! Yeah !!
My husband passed away july 14th of this year. He faught mesothelioma exactly 1 year from the time they found the tumor to his passing. He was only 55. To young in my eyes ! I was blessed to be able to take care of him 24/7 that entire year. Easy? NO WAY ! Worth it...absolutely. We were able to take down all the barriers and get so close. We were always close but this went to a new level and brought us both to a peaceful place. He passed away at home in our daughter,son and my arms. Just as he wanted. In someways it was a relief. He suffered so badly and we knew he would go to heaven by his strong faith and ours. Do I miss him ...every second of everyday. My heart aches to hear him say one more time...I love you Honey you are my world. I long for his touch, his smell, smile and so much more.
We met at a little cafe in the mall we both worked at. The girls were teasing me about my blue jeans,black tee shirt and flannel shirt over it and my cowgirl boots. What I wore so often in my life.. still do. When I passed him he said.. well I think you are beautiful just the way you are ;o) !! I was in a terrible marriage and was already settings things in motion to get a divorce. The next day I saw him again and he came and talked with me. I was down as I had been threatened bodly harm by my then husband, not the first time. Marvin asked me what was wrong and for some reason I told him He immediately told me he was a police officer and gave me his name,number and a house key !! He said if anything happens you have this and can come to my home for a safe house for you and your son. Little did I know that 3 days later my ex would come after me with a knife. Cops were called and we were taken to Marvins home. Everyone knew him and said it was perfect place for us til they found the other idiot ! lol ! We were there 4 weeks ! We will just say for now..we became good friends and he loved my son. He went through my year long divorce with me . We fell in love and were married 1 year later. There are prince charmings and knights on white horses... I married one !! More to come I am sure..I miss you and love you so much honey !! The 14th was rough and the holidays... well not ready for those at all !!
Thank you new sisters..hugs and blessings to you all...
Kristy the Eggfarmgirl
#2339
Farmgirl #2339
An ol Kansas girl |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Nov 18 2010 : 8:48:09 PM
|
Kristy, I am so glad you were told of this thread.....your story brought tears to my eyes, as many of the others have, as well as my own. I too was caregiver 24/7, although not as long as you were and I wouldn't trade that for anything in this world. Glad you have Hospice in your corner, I cannot say enough good about them. As someone once told me, grieve how you want, where you want and as long as you want, it is so good for the soul. Take your time in making decisions and things will fall into place. I am so sorry for your loss, you can come here anytime and you can count on all of us "widow women" to listen to you. It's a long hard road, harder than any I've taken but keep your chin up, things eventually start to get better, all in good time!
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2010 : 2:39:33 PM
|
Thank you all so much for this forum. I do not feel so all alone and I know that you all "get it" ! It is so hard to answer the question..."how are you doing ?" If you tell people how you are really feeling somedays... they would run for the hills. So instead simply say "OK' or "taking it one day at a time" I am also finding our who my true friends are. Those that let you cry,talk about your husband and are always there to make sure you are doing ok. Really OK! I feel I have found Sisters here that I can do just that...say it like it is !
HUGS TO ALL...
Kristy
Farmgirl #2339
An ol Kansas girl |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Nov 21 2010 : 10:05:12 AM
|
Kristy, am so glad you have joined us here, when I found this thread, I wasn't brave enough for quite some time to join in, just read and cried!! But I got to the point where I did join in, and it was amazing how sharing, made me feel so much better and not so alone, you're right, we do all "get it", while so many of our friends do not "get it". You certainly do find out who your true friends are. Remember, we are always here for you, whenever you need us!!!
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2010 : 9:23:45 PM
|
Hello Sisters !
Here I am on the eve of Thanksgiving reading posts,leaving a comment or two. But deep down, falling apart.  ! Tomorrow I will spend with a friend not family. As you may have read I lost my Dh in July of this year. So this is my first holiday without him. I was sure I would be spending it with my son and daughter-in-law. But again his fathers (My EX) side of family planned a big get together and to go through the rest of his grandparents belongs with the grands. His G-parents both passed this year as well. So... Momma will be here alone. Well with a friend who had no place to go. I am disappointed,hurt and feeling really down about it. but, what can I do? I probably won't be good company anyway, They set our gravestone this week and his death seems even more real....if that is possible. I miss him like crazy and just want to curl up in my blanket and pull it over my head ! I know you all have felt the missing him blues. I am thankful for you all tonight. I pray your holidays are blessed and you are surrounded by those you love.
Just needed to whine !! Lol !!!
Ok girlfriends...where the heck is the cheese to go with that whine ? lol !! 
Hugs... Kristy
Farmgirl #2339
An ol Kansas girl |
|
|
|
lulu
True Blue Farmgirl
240 Posts
Connie
Geuda Springs
Kansas
USA
240 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2010 : 06:09:57 AM
|
May God walk with you today and heal your troubled heart and give you the strength to accept things that can't be changed. My prayers and good wishes are with all of you ladies on this forum. I have not joined your ranks and pray I never do, but my heart goes out to each and everyone of you for your losses.
May God keep you in the plam of his hand today and always.
Just one of the sister farmgirls from Kansas. Connie
LULU
farmgirl sister #1369
"Scattered Prairie Gals" chapter
Take care and write soon.
When you wish upon a star...Jiminy Cricket |
|
|
|
Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2010 : 4:41:19 PM
|
Kristy:
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I loved reading your story. I loved how y'all met each other. Boots!!!! I love them. Thanks for sharing with all of us. I, too, married a prince charming. He sounds like your hubby. We were lucky. I will say prayers for you during the holidays. God Bless. I'll be looking forward to reading more about your prince charming.
I am so happy all of you who are grieving and continue to grieve have this wonderful thread to post to, to chat with others. I know, Teresa, continues to read the thread.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
|
|
|
eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2010 : 7:26:48 PM
|
Hello Sisters !
Well I made it through my first Thankgiving without my dear Husband. I was so blessed by asking a young single woman to come share the day with me. She had no place to go and loves to come to the farm to visit. I didn't know if I could really fix a great meal for us.(Since he passed in July I do not cook like I used to) But as God would have it the full Thanksgiving meal came off without a hitch ! We talked and talked. She new my dear Hubby and thought of us as older brother and Sister. So we were able to talk about him a lot and share things we didnt know about eachother. We ate like Queens and were miserable together. My son and daughter in law surprised us and came walking in the door ! We all chatted for a while then drove to the cemetary so they could see the headstone that was placed on Sunday. Tears,laughter and a whole lot of love were expressed at his grave. We came back and ate later that night. The kids had to head on home as my Daughter in Law manages a motel and had a full house. My friend went home and two more showed up with a homemade Cherry pie for me. Somehow I managed to eat a piece of great pie with them. We chatted and said prayers together,hugged and said our "See ya soons" no goodbyes in our house! lol ! It was almost 11pm when everyone left me alone once again. I was tired but so grateful for my day and so thankful for God making sure I was not alone. He is so good !!
Hope your day was wonderful and full of much joy and many blessings.
Hugs...
"Live like you were diein'"
Sis #2339 |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2010 : 7:12:35 PM
|
Kristy, so glad you were blessed with all your friends and family stopping by on Thanksgiving......I know it had to help you through the day, the talking, laughing and even the tears. I was lucky enough to have my brother and SIL here from the other side of the mtns., it meant so much to me to have them here, 4 whole days!We ate lots, talked lots, reminisced lots and just had a good time. I'm hoping the next holiday will be just a wee bit easier for you. So glad you joined us and we all owe Teresa lots and lots of hugs for this thread, and of course her words of wisdom. Take care, and remember we are always here for you!!
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
Bellepepper
True Blue Farmgirl
1207 Posts
Belle
Coffeyville
KS
USA
1207 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 05:21:58 AM
|
Kristy, Can't say much right now, the tears are flowing. Just wanted to say HI to a fellow Kansas Farmgirl. Ole Ron, my husband of 50+ years died on July 4 of this year. Dec 4, he will have been gone for 5 months AND it is his birthday. I made it through Thanksgiving really well. That is until I was on my way home from my daughter's. I thought since Thanksgiving dinner was over then we should get right to Christmas. I put an Elvis Christmas CD in the player and was singing along until he got to the song, I'll have a blue Christmas without you. That's when I lost it.
Kristy, glad you are here. Looking forward to getting to know you.
Belle |
|
|
|
janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 06:17:29 AM
|
oh Belle, I feel with you. It was the 7th month anniversary of my beloved's passing this Thanksgiving. it was a hard week but i had friends come up and visit for awhile and that helped. I just cannot believe it is almost Christmas. He LOVED Christmas and I get sick to my stomach every time I go into a store and the decorations are everywhere.....will be praying for everyone.
love and hugs
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
|
|
|
eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 11:40:53 AM
|
Dear Belle... I can so relate to the feeling of sickness going in to stores and all of the Christmas stuff. My hubby also loved Christmas. I was encouraged by my Hospice conselor to do something different this year as far as tree ,decorations etc. So.. I did ! I found a 3 foot white tree and got all pink and silver decorations for it. I love pink! I was able to find dragonflies. The meaning is so deep for our family now. The night before my love passed the kids and I were sitting on front porch talking. My daughter just screamed "Momma look at the dragonfly !" I thought she had one to many beers! lol ! It was pitch black except for the porch light. But there under the light was a HUGE dragonfly. Angi said Momma...that's Daddys jetplane to take him to heaven. In about 6 hours my husband passed away in our arms. The dragonfly disappeared within minutes of his passing ! No I was not drunk,we all witnessed it together ! Anyway, I placed a huge silver Dragonfly on the tree to represent my love. I love it! It's just me ~ lol !
Praying we all make it through these holidays. Going to be rough but we will make it together Sisters ~~
Hugs.. Kristy
"Live like you were diein'"
Sis #2339 |
|
|
|
Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 4:27:23 PM
|
Kristy:
What a beautiful thing to have happened. I can surely read through all of your words to see how much you loved your husband. Maybe you could take a picture of the Christmas tree, sounds pretty, and post it so we all can see it. I love that you put a Dragonfly on the Christmas tree.
Marly
PS: Thanks for the email.
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 8:03:00 PM
|
Kristy, good for you, taking Hospice' advice and doing something different.....I love pink also, and the dragonfly, well, you just go girl and "do what's you!!" I did almost everything the same last Christmas (first one w/o my dh), but am thinking I might have to step out of the box this year, thanks to you!! Belle, I am so sorry to read about "ole Ron", I'm on here quite frequently and somehow missed it. Some of those songs.....they just hit you!! My late dh was a long haul truck drive, today I was on lunch break, had the radio on and on comes the theme song from Smokey and the Bandit, for a split second I thought "cool, love this song", the next split second I was in tears.....am wondering if that ever goes away.....now the Christmas songs, and Pete loved the old ones. Hugs to both of you sisters~~
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
Bellepepper
True Blue Farmgirl
1207 Posts
Belle
Coffeyville
KS
USA
1207 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2010 : 07:33:09 AM
|
Suzie, You did not miss the sad news about Ole Ron. I have not posted about it until just the last few days. Several weeks went by that I did not post at all. I went on about my daily business of cleaning and gardening and cooking. Not that I didn't want to talk about Ron's passing, I just wanted to hurry and find my new "normal". Winter should be slow down time but I still don't have all my gardens cleaned up. I planned to get my house clean (I mean deep down clean) before Christmas. Well, it ain't happenin. I know, IT will still be there when I get to it. One day at a time.
Belle |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2010 : 7:54:43 PM
|
Belle, don't hurry to find your "new normal", it will find you, all in good time. It took me about 10 mos., maybe a little less, but one day things will look brighter, shiner, and happier. I can remember just sitting outside in the sunshine this summer and just feeling like I was getting a little back to normal.....I did that alot, and loved it. Grieve when you want, how you want, and as hard as you need to.
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2010 : 8:33:34 PM
|
Oh Belle..I am so with you my friend. I have days as well that I just don't want to talk about my dh. It's not that I don't miss him and still love him. It's just too painful or I think things will get back to normal if I don't. Well as my wise counselor says... what the heck is normal anyway Kristy ? Humm ! She is encouraging me to write in a journal about everything. If I'm mad at God,if I'm unhappy, if I'm happy...everything uncensored. Trust me not something I will leave behind for my kids ! lol ! But I will know when I have let go, so to speak, and can send it up in flames ! lol ! It is a big help to me. I write to My DH and let him know how I feel. It is very healing and is letting me know I'm ok. I'm still alive and have a purpose. Normal ? Just a word ! We will find our new place in this life and become what we are intended to do and be. We are survivors and we will get through this aweful thing called grief !
I'm here and willing to write emails or talk anytime! We are sisters now and we will do this together !!
Hugs to all..
Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339 |
|
|
|
janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 12:12:59 PM
|
dear kristy,
loved reading about your tree and the dragonfly. My dh also loved Christmas but I just cannot put anything out just yet. haven't watched any of the shows either, I miss him too much when I see them. I can probably get by without doing anything because I don't have any kids. (not the human kind). You hang in there and it will get easier - notice I did not say better - it will never get better, how could it, we have lost the love of our life, the best friend, strongest supporter, confidant and defender. Our hope/faith/strength is that we will see him again when it is our time to go. I am praying for all of you! We all need prayers to make it thru this "season"..
much love and hugs
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
|
|
|
eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 1:30:36 PM
|
Thank you Jainee ! yes you are so right it will never be better as We had the best. I have friends tell me to start going out looking for men ! I tell them right away...I had the best ! I don't want the rest !! Then tell them it hasn't even been 5 months since he passed away ! For pete sakes !! Uggg ! Some women think they can not be fulfilled without a man . Well, it isn't easy and sure not what I ever dreamed of for us. But... I am here and getting stronger every day !! I am woman hear me ROAR ! ok...sounds good and I am getting there. One day at a time. sometimes one moment at a time. We do need eachother esecially through the holidays. Here to lend a shoulder or an ear anytime. Anyone that needs to talk...email me and would be there to call you and listen !! I'm good at thzt.
hugs to you my sisters...
Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339 |
|
|
|
J.F. Brown
True Blue Farmgirl
130 Posts
Jamie
Beaverton
OR
USA
130 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 2:26:57 PM
|
Kristy, their time-line is not one you have to follow! It's a tough sister-hood, this one of widows, but we are strong. The first holidays can be super-hard, so YAY! you for making it your own.
You're right, it isn't what you dreamed, but you are brave and strong, and we all back you all the way. |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 8:36:25 PM
|
Kristy, so glad you are journaling, I forgot to mention that I do the same, and it helps so much, just jot down those feelings, happy, sad, funny, frustrated, whatever it is your feeling. It certainly is NOT something I would want anyone to read, but it's very near and dear to my heart. This holiday season seems to be a little harder for me, for some reason.....last year I busted right into it, even tho just a few weeks had gone by since my dh had passed, maybe I was on auto pilot then, and am doing more thinking about it this year, whatever the case, I will get past it. Stay strong ladies, and I too am here for you all!!
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
Across the Fence: Stories from us widow women..... |
|
Stories from us widow women.....
