| Author |
Across the Fence:  Stories from us widow women.....  |
|
Keeper of the Past
True Blue Farmgirl
925 Posts
Sarita
Battle Creek
Michigan
USA
925 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 29 2010 : 8:36:06 PM
|
Ladies, I am so glad that you are able to talk about your loved ones. I was a hospice nurse and I grew to know.. just listen. I lost a baby girl at 24 days old when I was 19 and Amy would have been 39 yrs old in Jan. Every year in Jan, I have a dark cloud come over me. I just wanted someone to let me talk about her, to cry with me. Just know that I will read your post and I will pray for you all. My heart aches for you and one of the things that I ask God is to please take me one day before my love and best friend of 40 yrs or any of my three children.
Hugs and prayers
Sarita
www.coffmanspinningcfarm.blogspot.com
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
"A happy heart makes the face cheerful..." Proverbs 15:13
|
 |
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2010 : 06:52:43 AM
|
Sarita, glad you found us, and joined us also. It would be so much comfort to have someone close to cry with you....I do my best crying when I'm alone. A hospice nurse, what an amazing woman you must be, we had hospice come in the last few mos. and I cannot ever say enough about them.....what a truly wonderful thing. I am so very grateful they were there for us, instead of the alternative.It was amazing to me how very comforting they all were, from the nurse, right down to the bath aide, to how things were handled when the end arrived. My prayers go out to you for your heartache after all these years. Feel free to hop onto our thread anytime.
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2010 : 08:50:10 AM
|
Teresa, I know this is mostly a site for people who have lost their husbands. I am sure it is a special kind of hell. Especially when you have had the wonderful close marriage that you and your husband have had. The loss of my daughter was and is still the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I can tell you this, no matter how busy you try to keep yourself how far you try and run to get away from the pain of those landmark days of the loss and the birth of your loved one. You can't stop it. It hits you no matter what you do or where you are.. I keep thinking it will get easier, and on some days it is, but on any special to you days or birth, death, even the happiest of days you had together it hurts. I think the one thing I have learned is that I justlet it come now. I have tried to fight it for so long and for me it just makes it worse. It hits me me sometimes when it is most unexpected like walking into the grocery store, who knows why? My daughter died July 23,1986 and her birthday is August 8th. The whole month is a roller coaster ride. It has been 24 years since I lost her and this August 8th would of been her 40th birthday. Alot of people think you should be "over" it by now. But they don't understand, you may learn to live with it and learn to live in spite of it, but you are never over it. It has been 3 years for you. All your feelings must be still so raw. My heart goes out to you and all the women who have suffered your loss. I know that our losses may be different, but Teresa, I do know the agonizing pain that you and the other ladies feel. My prayers are with you and my understanding heart is always open to you. Please know that, all of you. I pray that we all find peace and joy in life in spite of our losses, I know that is what Karin wants for me and I have a strong feeling your wonderful husbands want that so much for all of you.
Hugs and Prayers
Mary Jane
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
|
|
|
1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2010 : 09:47:44 AM
|
Mary Jane, this thread was started for those of us who lost our husbands, but, by no means are those of you who lost children, siblings, parents, etc, not welcome to post your feelings, thoughts and memories. I lost a son 19 yrs ago last January, he was still born, and burying a child is one of the worst things a person can do. Less than a year later, my family buryed a niece who had been murdered at the age of 10 (my sisters child), of course there have been other losses, G/parents, Aunts and Uncles, and a few cousins. My husbands parents, and his older brother. Then my husband got sick, and I lost him. I also lost a G/baby a year and a half ago. Loss of loved ones is hard no matter what, and no, I will never "get over it", and I will mourn them all til the day I die, and then I will be in my sweet mans arms once again.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
|
|
|
CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2010 : 1:25:04 PM
|
Teresa, thank you for your kind words. Your posts touch my heart so much, because there is such honesty and sharing in them. I think this site is so important because it gives all who have lost someone they love the chance to say how they really feel. Not to have to gloss over it, to be able to say they hurt or they have been crying or that they had a wonderful happy memory. Many people don't really want to hear you say you hurt or miss someone or how lonely it can be with out the person you love. It makes them feel uncomfortable.Sometimes I think they are afraid it is catching! Many times it is people in your own family that feel this way. Here anyone can say what is truly in their hearts at that moment and not be afraid someone else is uncomfortable or feeling you should just get over it. That is such a blessing for any one who has lost someone they love. Your starting this post was a wonderful healing thing to do. Thank you.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jul 31 2010 : 9:06:25 PM
|
I have to agree, wholeheartedly, this post has done so much for my healing and grieving process. Teresa, you've had so much more heartache than I imagined, and what a woman you are. And if I have neglected to thank you for starting this post, well, thank you so much!!
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Aug 09 2010 : 7:20:35 PM
|
Looks like I was the last one here, and the first one back!! Wondering how all of you gals are doing, I know we're in the midst of summer, harvest, etc. but just wanted to blap tonight. Last May, I had a garage sale, got rid of lots of stuff that Pete had 2 and 3 of, when it was all over my brother and I cleaned up, put away, etc. I decided today I'd better get the shelves straightened out, toss a few things, etc. Was going along at a good clip when BAM....I ran across Pete's briefcase of state, and city maps he always had on the truck with him, those darned things meant the world to him, the briefcase was packed with them, all turned the right way, etc. Instantly I had sweat, tears and dirt running down my face, what a mess I was, but didn't really care. What do you do with those things, I don't think I can part with them!!! I'm thinking his son might like to have them, sounds funny, but the oldest son is more sentimental than he realizes and would probably put them in his shop. Anyway, I got past that and smiled the rest of the day, just had to share.
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Aug 09 2010 : 7:46:19 PM
|
Suzie, I know how it is, I have had more than a few days like that, hugs. If his son doesn't want them, how about making dust jackets for books with them, or a scrapbook page or two about his need for them in his work, or do as I do, when I can't part with it, it goes into my cedar chest that is full of all my memories of just him...
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Aug 10 2010 : 08:35:09 AM
|
Thanx for the hugs Teresa!! Kind of funny, I put that briefcase out for the sale, you never know who might be int. in those kinds of things, brother laughed at me of course!! You have given me a wonderful idea, the cedar chest, for all those little treasures I keep finding that I want a special spot for, have some in a beautiful wooden box my dad made me years ago, a few here in my desk drawer, some on the bookcase w/ "Pete stuff" on the top, so now I can gather it all and put in one place. Thanks for the great suggestion!! This all probably sounds silly to some, but some of those little things just mean SO much.
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Aug 10 2010 : 10:12:54 AM
|
Suzie, NOTHING is silly when it comes to true love, beleive me, other wise silly is what I have most of in my cedar chest...
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Aug 10 2010 : 9:29:53 PM
|
I am so glad I kept all the momentos along the way, little cards that came w/flowers, Pete had a little black cocker sp. named Smokie, and the majority of those cards are signed "just me and smokie", the rose he brought me when he had his last radiation trmt., tickets to different things we went to, now I can't think of much more, but there are lots of those meaningful things. I was on the tractor last week and disc. there was a compartment I hadn't noticed before, the neighbor guy was down here to borrow the tractor, I opened this compartment, and here were a pair of Pete's gloves and an empty pack of Camel's, Tracy and I just looked at each other and I said, "those have to stay there", then we just had to smile about it.
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2010 : 11:47:24 AM
|
I understand what you all are saying. yesterday was the 4th month anniversary of Larry's death and I just felt so drained all day. But I found a necklace I had never noticed before in his room and when I walked outside to let the dogs back in, he had drawn a cross over the back door and I had never noticed it before. it just comforted me so much. His overalls are still hanging on the closet door where he left them and his shoes are under the table. I may never move either of them.
I have all sorts of "friends" call and tell me what I think are the worst things! One called to tell me that i was not married any more and i needed to realize that. (that is a matter of opinion and to me I still am) another wrote me a letter to ask if i was going out and having fun yet (arrrrgh) and of course there are those who will never mention his name. (those i try to avoid) I have to give up wanting to learn how to ride his motorcycle - i am just having too much trouble keeping my blood sugar stable right now but on the good side, his sister contacted me to let me know that she was selling the parent's land and wanted me to have part of the money. Now whether she shows up with the money or not, we will have to wait and see but I was grateful just for the thought.
One of my dogs is still going through "anxiety" and I don't help with the crying but i try to love on her more than usual and his cat has become the most loving cat I have ever had. I still look at his pictures which i have put into one album and i still have all of his notes beside my chair. I just miss him so much.
but i was thinking of putting his favorite shirts in my cedar chest and he loves knives so i have kept his favorite knives and i am thinking of putting them into the chest as well.
but i am having trouble getting into cooking again. Larry always cooked for me and I just am not that interested in eating let alone cooking. I have thought about getting some new dishes since none of the ones currently in the shelves have more than 2 that match and some new cookware since all of what i have is over 30 years old and mismatched but i don't know. my sister wants me to start getting rid of some of his stuff and everytime i start with his i end up getting rid of some of my stuff instead. I just don't feel "right" about disposing of his things. He didn't have a lot of things (besides vcr tapes and dvd's) and i am just not ready to put them up or give them away. Know what I mean?
I just love being able to come here and vent...thanks for listening to me!
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2010 : 9:44:18 PM
|
Janie~~that's what we're all here for, to lean on each other, to vent, to cry on each others shoulders, this is where you should be!! Last week was the 9 month anniversary of Pete's passing. I have not gotten rid of any of his clothes, in fact all his shoes are still lined up neatly in the closet, I will wear some of his shirts this winter, as I always have and I will not let anyone tell me when, or how I should get rid of his clothes. I can't imagine that other dresser sitting there w/out his clothes in it. Hopefully as times goes on you will start feeling better about things, just in the last 6 wks. I feel like I've sort of "turned a corner", somehow things seem a little bit brighter. I talked to one of Pete's old friends tonight and he said "I'm glad to hear you're sounding more chipper", and that was nice to hear. Doesn't mean I don't think about him every hour, of every day, and there are so many reminders here at home, and everywhere else, but now I smile about them, instead of crying about them all the time. It's a good feeling when you get there, and I'm hoping it's perfectly normal, too.
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
minnie
Farmgirl in Training
28 Posts
minnie
USA
28 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2010 : 10:40:25 AM
|
| my goodness girls, what a sweet thing that Teresa has done to help ya'll and ya'll help her in return. I never married so I never experienced your kinda pain, but was around some that did, and it just broke my heart in two |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2010 : 8:40:40 PM
|
It breaks your heart into a million little pieces, and they don't come back together either!! Teresa as far as I'm concerned is the "goddess" of this thread, she has been there for each and every one of us, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to lift you back up also. I thank my lucky stars she started this and has kept it going, now we're waiting for more stories from her. Teresa, I know you have some tough days coming up and please know I will be thinking of you and sending huge squishy hugs!!
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2010 : 1:45:23 PM
|
This coming week will be a rough week for our Ranch girl, Teresa (1badmamawolf). It will mark the third year of her husband’s death. I believe, one of the reasons, she started this “Stories of us widow women” was to keep her husband’s spirit alive. And- in doing so, she has opened-up the lines of communication for others who have lost their loved ones, to share with us their grief, their stories. My heart goes out to all of you. Teresa, know that I will be praying for you during this week.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
|
|
|
minnie
Farmgirl in Training
28 Posts
minnie
USA
28 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2010 : 2:03:00 PM
|
| I can see by the writings of you girls that Teresa is well liked, and even thou her and I have yet to meet, I wish her the best, and I too will keep her in my prayers, as well as the rest of you girls. |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Aug 24 2010 : 8:47:54 PM
|
Yes, Minnie, Teresa is very well liked and thought about in the same way. She has done a wonderful thing by starting this thread. We will all be praying for Teresa this week, and thinking of her. Girls, let's keep this thread going, it's been so good for all of us!!
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 2:11:14 PM
|
Teresa, I just wanted to say that I have been thinking about you all week. I pray you have found some comfort and peace.Talk to your sweet man Teresa,he will send you the strength and love you need. I can tell by your posts how much you loved and cherished each other, love like that never dies or leaves you and he will always truly be with you in your heart and soul.He will help you to find a new kind of happiness and love of life. I know this in my heart. Please come back to us when you are ready. I think we have all come to depend on the strong yet gentle, loving, spirit and soul that you are.
Hugs and Prayers'
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
|
|
|
J.F. Brown
True Blue Farmgirl
130 Posts
Jamie
Beaverton
OR
USA
130 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 4:21:01 PM
|
| Thanks to all who share their stories. It's a painful sisterhood, this one of being a widow, but it is a sisterhood indeed. This Friday will mark the ninth anniversary of my husband's death.It is a grace and a blessing to find sisterhood here on the very first day of my joining this site. Thank you again, and I hope all have peace and comfort from each other. |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 8:34:47 PM
|
Jamie so glad you joined us when you did, as you can see we all share our stories of the "love of our lives" here, cry, vent, ask questions, so feel free to jump in any time. This is a wonderful sisterhood!!
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2010 : 9:42:20 PM
|
Hi girls, you might have noticed I haven't posted in awhile. I feel like I have gone backwards in my grief. I know a big reason is with my daughter now married and gone, it is the whole empty house thing. On top of that I have been trying to get my business up and running, which has overwhelmed me, and then there is the never ending projects that have to be done around the house as well as the laundry... I have cried so much in the past week, I just feel so weary, with no strength left. I have to talk myself out of bed, as I have no drive or real sense of purpose. I do what needs to be done, simply because it needs to get done. I have no appetite, no energy. It feels like 20 months ago, all over again. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt like they were back at square one?
I wear my cape around my waist.
#440
http://www.iglitteredthecat.blogspot.com/
http://myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2010 : 04:43:37 AM
|
Julia, I have had grief in my past, and the exact same thing happened to me. It would happen in waves, and I would be fresh in grief all over again. As time went by, I noticed that the waves became further apart, and there was more time in between them. I read your blog often, and I agree with you that your daughter's marriage, even though a wonderful happy event, has made you lonely again. If she was in town, it would probably not be as hard to adjust to, but she is far away. Do you have a doctor's care, or someone professional (pastor, therapist)? I know your faith is deep and wide, and that God is all of those things to you, but it would be nice if there were people around you to help. I will pray that God brings someone into your life that can help, and I also hope that this wave passes soon. Love and hugs to you.
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
|
|
|
Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2010 : 5:50:06 PM
|
Thanks Jeannie, your words of encouragement always abound. I have been praying for 'someone' as well. There is so much going on in my extended families lives right now, that I don't feel I can burden them. I lean hard on the Lord, He is ever faithful, sometimes flesh and blood is nice.
I wear my cape around my waist.
#440
http://www.iglitteredthecat.blogspot.com/
http://myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2010 : 8:51:53 PM
|
Julia, sorry you've been going through a tough time. My prayers are with you. Isn't it funny with so many people around, there just doesn't seem to be that one "right person"? Just not exactly who you want to help turn things around, seems impossible, but it surely does happen. Again, my prayers are with you, and remember, his smile is in your heart!! big hugs to you my friend!!
live, laugh, love |
|
|
|
Across the Fence: Stories from us widow women..... |
|
|
|
Stories from us widow women.....
