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Across the Fence:  Stories from us widow women.....  |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 19 2010 : 09:00:43 AM
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Suzie, you are right, nothing is the same, how can it be...a major part of your life, your heart, your soul, is gone...you have to learn to do some things all over again, cause that partner is no longer there, who was the extra hands, the embrace that made everything ok, who never condemed you when things went to hell in a handbasket, who was that ever listening ear, who loved us no matter what...so nothing will ever be the same, and there will be days that you have no idea how to get thru them, but you will, one way or another..and thats all you can do
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2010 : 09:10:20 AM
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Suzie,
Do you think your boss is taking advantage of you because he thinks you "have nothing else to do" since you're alaone. I think I would confront him about this, in a nice way, and explain that you are still grieving and need more time to work through it all, not more time at work. Maybe he thinks he's helping you out.
Michele
www.2vintagedivas.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.artfire.com
Love that good ole vintage junk |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2010 : 9:08:36 PM
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Thank you both for the very comforting words. I'm not so much having a hard time learning to do things myself, that's not a problem, I've always been pretty independant since Pete was on the road so much, it's that I can't seem to get into a routine, and I miss that, I love more than anything (for the most part), knowing what I'm going to do every day. As far as work goes, since I've been back most of the time I feel I'm being punished, for taking time off to be a caregiver. My boss more than anybody should understand, he went through the same thing with his late wife about 2 years ago, he told me if he had to do it over again he would so what I did, stay home and take care of her. He may very well think he's doing me a favor, but we don't talk about it, he doesn't ask how I'm doing, etc. even though he's remarried, I think it's still very painful for him to talk about, I recognized that in him, when Pete became ill, so I leave that subject alone. Again, thanks for the help, this is such a wonderful thread, I love coming here!!! My hugs to you both.
live, laugh, love |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2010 : 07:20:53 AM
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Well, this weekend I mowed the front lawn with a gas mower for the first time ever in my life. I was never allowed to mow as a child because of my allergies and my Larry always mowed for me (and my mom)and I never knew how to turn the blessed thing on! One of the guys from work came by my house to show me how to start it and two other guys came to fix my garage door so that I could open it easily. So early Saturday morning, put on my dh rubber boots , opened the garage door and started mowing. I felt so proud of myself for overcoming any fears and I know my sweet love would be proud too. Will still have to use the hand push mower in the back yard-the gate is too crazy to open and close for me but that is ok. Its not that big, most of it is clover not grass.
Now, to learn how to ride his motorcyle!
hugs
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2010 : 4:29:22 PM
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I say "you go girl"......one thing at a time, I'm sure your sweet dh would be so proud of you, and he was probably up there guiding you every single step of the way. I think we're all very proud of you, keep up the good work. A new chore conquered every week is a GOOD thing!!
live, laugh, love |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2010 : 8:02:53 PM
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I hope and pray that all you girls that have been posting on this thread are doing well, and remember I am always here to lend an ear if you need one, hugs to you all...
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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Kirksmom71
True Blue Farmgirl
873 Posts
Mel
Dallas
Texas
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2010 : 8:26:18 PM
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Yesterday was the anniversary of my hubbys passing. It was a curious day.......and none of the usual suspects called me LOL. The "Usual suspects" are a couple of friends that ordinarily remember me on that day. I guess after 12 years it no longer seems a priority to them. Which really is OK...they have busy lives. Just sort of felt forsaken for a moment. I know they still love me! It's just another day for most and I'm not maudlin about it. It's a day of signifigance, thats all. Hope everyone is having a fine week! Thanx Teresa for the hugs!
My best to all,
Mel
Sassy City Girl with Farmgirl Fantasies! |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2010 : 8:52:08 PM
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A big hug for you, Mel, sounds like it was an o.k. day for you. Teresa, as always, thanks for taking such good care of us widow women and for the hugs, sending one huge on right back to you. I had dinner this week with 2 other widow women (we call ourselves the 3 widows), we all lost our significant others 13 wks. apart, and were all friends, always had dinner together on Friday nights. This is the first time all 3 of us have been together since Sally's sig. passed. Sally has a friend already, I don't know if I'm elated for her, or shocked. She and Fred were not married and had been together for 6 yrs., the last four yrs. not so great. She, is radiant so I should be happy for her. We had a good time, it had been a little bit of a teary day for me, and of course, that meandered into the evening. I did stop this week and talk to a very good friend of Pete's and mine, I admit, I had been avoiding him, and guilt got the best of me. He has a body shop and Pete was always stopping in and visiting him, we did things as couples several times, but I just couldn't make myself just stop, and say "hi Bob", we had a teary but nice chat, he KNEW why I hadn't stopped and said "that's o.k., we always wave at each other when you drive by". My heart was so much lighter after chatting with him, I was amazed at how good I felt. I had today off, and was totally irresponsible, didn't do a lick of housework, but spent all day working outside, and loved it.....Pete's smile was in my heart all day long.
live, laugh, love |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jul 01 2010 : 9:18:45 PM
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Well my farmgirl friends, we have yet another holiday upon us. Wondering what all of you have planned, or will it just be a low key 4th. for you? My brother and sil had planned to come over, they live 7 hrs. away, but a couple things came up so they are not coming now. I took a vacation day so I could have 2 days in a row while they were here, and am still going to take that vacation day. No plans, would like to have the neighbors down for a BBQ, but we'll see what plays out. Whatever your plans are, or are not, remember out late dh's are probably watching over us, and would like us to carry on whatever traditions we've had in the past.
live, laugh, love |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Jul 03 2010 : 10:01:45 PM
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July 4th, tomorrow, would have been Dale's and mine's 29th wedding anniversary. We didn't intend to get married on the 4th, he wanted to get married on the 1st, but it was a wednesday, and who gets married on a wednesday. So, we decided to get married on the saturday. At first it didn't dawn on us that it was a holiday. At least Dale never forgot our anniversary. We use to say the whole country celebrated with us.
Tomorrow, all my kids will be coming for a bbq, so it will be a good day. It is still hard to believe he is gone. I still sometimes feel as though he will be home for dinner.
I wear my cape around my waist.
#440
http://www.iglitteredthecat.blogspot.com/
http://myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jul 04 2010 : 09:41:50 AM
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Julia, Happy 4th. to you, and it will be a good day, be glad your kids are close, and are gathering around you, to celebrate. It will be a great day for you (hoping your weather cooperates!!), I hope there are alot of wonderful memories passed around. Remember, as you told me (I think it was you!!), Dale's smile will be in your heart.
live, laugh, love |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jul 13 2010 : 8:48:26 PM
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Thought I might bring this back up to the top, we were getting a little lost there!! So, a burning question for all of you gals~~do you ever feel like you've "turned a corner"? Like things seem to be a little brighter, happier, kind of like something has been lifted?? I've been feeling this way for a few days now, just a little more light hearted if you will, and not feeling guilty about it. I hope this is normal, and expected. How about the rest of my friends reading this?????
live, laugh, love |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2010 : 09:06:01 AM
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Suzie, turning that corner is a wonderful feeling, it does not mean you don't feel anymore, it means you can feel without completly looseing it. Time heals most wounds, its not a gaping sore anymore, but it is still there. Next month will be 3 yrs, and I still get hit with sorrow every single day, but I can function. Life does go on, it just takes a little longer sometimes.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2010 : 9:16:08 PM
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Teresa that is a perfect way to put it into words, of course, I do still feel, but I don't completely lose it, perfect!! Thank you!! Certainly not saying I'm moving on, that will probably never happen, just feeling a little better about things, and I can't thank you and the rest of the gals enough for making that happen. Hope we can keep this thread going....
live, laugh, love |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Jul 16 2010 : 09:02:39 AM
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I agree, we need to keep this thread going. It has been so hard since my dh died in April. I have had 2 "situation" where my blood sugar crashed (one of them resulted in an emergency room stay) but coming back here and re reading some of the entries make me want to keep going on. I will never get over losing the love of my life and I don't want him to be forgotten. My family doesn't want to mention him so I mention him to them. and yes, I still cry at work and my boss understands. I have quit taking the xanax because i started feeling like it was post poning my grief instead of letting me express it and that makes me feel a little better at times. My hands still shake continuously and my teeth chatter unless I hold them together so I am not over it by any means but I can get through a day at work and that helps some as well. I just appreciate all of you women on this thread and respect your opinions greatly and am learning every day. Thank you so much for sharing,
Mrs. Janie Edwards
farmgirl #390 |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jul 16 2010 : 9:56:10 PM
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Janie, hopefully you're keeping busy, your back to work, how is the lawn mowing coming along, and I'm wondering have you been on the bike yet?? Last I knew you thought you might try to tackle it, or have someone teach you, do it!! There are so many struggles we all go through when we lose our dh's, and as I was telling a friend of mine, it's not like losing a parent, or grandparent, unless you've "been there", you just don't understand what it's like to lose the love of your life. But we do have to move forward, and talk about it, and cry about it. I was talking to my step son the other night and he informed me there is an Air Show in two wks., in our area, Pete loved to go to them and did, in many states, this one, we went to two years ago, I was very excited to hear about it and all jazzed up to go and take some great pix, but now the thought of it is so bittersweet, I don't know if I can do it. That is one hurdle I'm not sure if I'm ready to jump yet!! Take good care of you, Janie.
live, laugh, love |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2010 : 1:05:08 PM
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Ok girls, hope everyone is doing well and I hope to hear from you all on this thread soon, and when things are not quite as crazy/busy, I post some more of my wonderful memories...
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2010 : 3:40:25 PM
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I was feeling that same way last week. It kind of broad sided me, as I felt so good. There seemed to be a relief with it, knowing that things are getting better and I am doing well. One thing I have learned, there is no roadmap for grief, everyone of us, though we have similiar feelings and situations in our lives, it is differnt for us all, and it is okay. 'This day', is one of my mantra's.
I appreciate this thread so much! I would ask for prayers for me as this week my baby gets married. This will be a tough one as I will have an empty nest. I never thought I would be without Dale after all our chicks flew the coop. I am sooooo happy for my daughter. She is marrying the best of men, I love him a lot, but yikes! This is going to be a huge change for me. Also, if you would pray for my daughter as she will walk down the isle by herself, her choice, as she said no one take her daddy's place. I so want the day to be a joyous celebration, but it will have it tough moments. Thanks for the prayers ahead of time.
I wear my cape around my waist.
#440
http://www.iglitteredthecat.blogspot.com/
http://myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2010 : 9:28:17 PM
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Oh Julia, I will send prayers and happy thoughts your way, to be sure. So glad that I am not the only one getting these flutterings of good feelings. I hope you have a joyous, happy week, filled with wonderful memories, and your dear daughter, walking down the isle by herself, that brought tears to my eyes, your right, it will be tough at times, but please know all of us widow women are right there with you, with our arms around you. Try to enjoy this week, and of course the wedding, another door is opening for you.
live, laugh, love |
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grace gerber
True Blue Farmgirl
2804 Posts
grace
larkspur
colorado
USA
2804 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2010 : 06:54:18 AM
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Those moments where the missing father is felt much greater I have been thru. My oldest son's wedding was bitter sweet but I knew that my late husband would have enjoyed the day and been their with bells on. The harder one was when the happy couple this year greeted their brand new baby - a boy! All of the memories of that day when my husband and I greeted our son came flooding back - overwhelming!!! My son told me he felt so sad because he could not share this with his father - I responded by saying his father will always be there, in his heart, his memories and now in becoming the best dad he could be and living each day to the fullest with his son. Never give you son wanting for loving memeories becasue life is all too short.
Rejoice thos memories - use them to live a fuller life and just know that you are not alone even when it feels like it. You are loved and those of us who have gone thru this know and understand...
Grace Gerber
Larkspur Funny Farm and Fiber Art Studio
Where the spirits are high and the fiber is deep
http://www.larkspurfunnyfarm.etsy.com
http://larkspurfunnyfarm.blogspot.com
http://larkspurfunnyfarm.artfire.com
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2010 : 9:02:35 PM
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Grace, what nice words.....it's always nice to know that those of us who have lost a spouse have someone out there, somewhere, that understands how only we can feel. I'm always amazed at how my friends assume that I'm "over it". However, there are those "long time friends" that my dh asked to "make sure I was o.k.", that call on a regular basis to check up on me, those are the truest of friends and I cherish each one.
live, laugh, love |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2010 : 2:20:52 PM
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2010 : 5:00:40 PM
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Times like now are some of the times I miss having my sweet man just wrap his arms around me, and tell me, it's gonna be ok mama. My G/sons dog getting killed, my middle son, right in the middle of fighting fires, and the season has only just begone, my 2 youngest G/sons meeting and visiting family for the first time back home in Missouri, cause I miss them so very much. My old (17 plus yrs)house cat that my man found in a trash dumpster behind his work and brought home is just about out of his 9 lives, and thats one more great memory of him. Missing him coming home and telling me how beautiful I was, even thou I had what ever veggy or fruit I was canning that day in my hair and all the way down to my bare feet,lol. Us walking out to the veggy gardens and the orchards together, just before the sun went down, and thanking God for this bounty that we created with our 4 hands, and knowing, no matter what, we would not go hungry. I don't think there is a chore that I do everyday, and every season that does not remind me of him, and how very much I miss him, and how chores, were not chores, when we did them together. Next month will have 2 tuff days for me, the 24th would have been his 56th birthday, and the 27th will be the 3 year anniversary of his passing. I don't know how I will be on those days, or the days just before or just after, just keep me in your prayers girls, as I keep all of you in mine...
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2010 : 8:16:14 PM
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It is gonna be o.k. Teresa, somehow, sometime, it will be o.k. I would feel just like you, not knowing how I would feel before the 24th., and 27th. or after for that matter, I for one will be thinking about you, wish I was close, I'd keep you busier than a one armed paper hanger, although I am sure you have enough to keep you busy, whether or not you'll feel up to all the busyness is another thing. I have a tough one also next mo., the 13th. would have been our 27th. anniversary, was kind of hoping I would happen to get that day off from work, but not so, probably just as well. Keep your chin up my friend, as always, my prayers to you, you are one wonderful farmgirl!!!
live, laugh, love |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2010 : 8:22:18 PM
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Thanks Suzie
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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Across the Fence: Stories from us widow women..... |
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Stories from us widow women.....
