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Across the Fence:  Stories from us widow women.....  |
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Kirksmom71
True Blue Farmgirl
873 Posts
Mel
Dallas
Texas
USA
873 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 03 2010 : 10:02:12 AM
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Well, today would have been my 43rd wedding anniversary. We only made it to the 31st. Remembering all the great times. Thankful for the years we had.
My best to all,
Mel
Sassy City Girl with Farmgirl Fantasies! |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2010 : 8:20:25 PM
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Mel, thinking of you tonight and hope you had an o.k. day, glad that you are able to think of, and rememeber all the wonderful times you did have. Thirty one years, that has to come with lots and lots of memories!!
live, laugh, love |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Jun 04 2010 : 1:14:46 PM
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Finally had the courage to read this thread. I lost my one true love on April 28th, 2 weeks before our 31st anniversary. He called me at certain times of the day at work just to tell me that he loved me and that was what caught my attention that day, he didn't make 2 of those calls so I told my boss that i had to go home and check on him and i found him dead in the back yard from a heart attack. it has been so hard to adjust, i sit in his chair at night just to be close to him and i wear his tee shirt to bed and spray his cologne on me. I have left his shoes under the table where he left them to put on his boots to go mow the back yard. i miss him so much, he was so sweet and loving and giving. over the years, when he worked at night he wrote me love notes and i am still finding them...right now i am up to 190 love notes and yes i read them almost every day. we had been planning on finding another way to make money so i could retire and be with him but now there just isn't a reason for that. We had 2 inside dogs and 2 inside cats that I have to take care of now and they miss him too. the weekends are really hard too....thanks for letting me share.
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jun 04 2010 : 3:23:55 PM
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Janie, i am so very sorry for your loss, please feel free to e-mail me, if you ever want to, I will always reply, ask anything you want, and know that all of us widow women are here for you.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jun 04 2010 : 8:26:30 PM
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Janie, I too am very sorry for your loss. But, good for you, getting the nerve to read this thread, believe me, it was hard the first time I read it, Teresa has a way of just putting it right out there, and making you feel right at home and lets you know it's o.k. to be here, lurk and cry your eyes out, and share if you feel up to it. I was a little leary at first but believe me, it will do you so much good to share, if you're to that point. We all have different stories to share, but sharing is so good for the soul. Sometimes I just ramble on and on and really say nothing, but it's o.k. to do that here!! Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you!!
live, laugh, love |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
Posted - Jun 05 2010 : 10:43:59 AM
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I had an interesting dream about Ken last night. You know. those really sweet dreams that you're angry when you wake up because it's gone?
The number 103 kept recurring in the dream and I was puzzled about it. After I woke up, I realized he once told me that it took him 103 hours after we met to call and ask me for a date. How could I have forgotten that???? Well, I was 16 at the time. But it was a nice memory
Michele
www.2vintagedivas.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.artfire.com
Love that good ole vintage junk |
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Kirksmom71
True Blue Farmgirl
873 Posts
Mel
Dallas
Texas
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2010 : 7:43:49 PM
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Cool memory Michelle.
My hubby's B-day today! June is a bit of a traumatic month for me. But a lot of good memories are stirred up also. His seventeenth was the first one we shared together. My mom and pop liked him so much (sometimes I think better than me! ;) that my pop gave him an ooooooold ratty 54 Chevy with rotted out floorboards. "OMG he doesn't have to have his mother drop him off at my house anymore......YeHaw!" Luckily he was very handy and mechanical. He kept it running so we had a way to get around and he could pick me up for school sometimes. We got to spend a lot more time together then. Although we did spend a lot of time at his uncles' garage working on the car! LOL I learned to tighten down tappets. :) It's name was "Wild Thing". It got us through high school. Happily my pop lent us thier beautiful Chevy Impala to go to the prom though. Once he graduated and got a job, he was able to get a real car. And we were driving up to his house one day and his dad had just sold "Wild Thing" and the purchaser was driving away with her.....I cried like a baby. It was the end of an era for us.....but we were off on to a new adventure.
My best to all,
Mel
Sassy City Girl with Farmgirl Fantasies! |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2010 : 9:34:17 PM
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Don't ya just love those happy memories?? I've been having those also, but of course at the moment, can't remember what they all were, so many of them!! And those we will all treasure forever.
live, laugh, love |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 9:03:52 PM
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Michelle, your so lucky you have such a thoughtful son, one that remembers, cares, and remembers to care about you also. It sometimes amazes me, how so many can just seem to sort of "forget about your loss", if you know what I mean, and others, just out of the blue at work (always customers), will ask "ya doin' o.k.??" Just like they check on you once in awhile, that's such a comfort to me. I had to drop by my boss' the other evening, and he had to head into the store to take care of something and his wife said "do you want me to go with you?" he answered "oh you don't have to go baby", that about tore my heart out as Pete sometimes would use that pet name, among others, honey, sweets, lovebug, babe, Suze, and the list goes on. My reaction really surprised me and I couldn't beat feet out of there quick enough.
live, laugh, love |
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Kirksmom71
True Blue Farmgirl
873 Posts
Mel
Dallas
Texas
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 10:49:07 PM
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Hey Michelle.....we again have a couple parallels.
My hubby too would have been 62 and my son called to just say he was thinking of his dad all day. He talked about his dad being his best friend and how much he missed him also.
I have a friend who always remembers me in June and calls to say she is thinking of me.
My best to all,
Mel
Sassy City Girl with Farmgirl Fantasies! |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2010 : 08:20:48 AM
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Just wondering, do any of you gals have this happen to ya~~hear a song on the radio that was your dh's favorite, and does it completely stop you in your tracks??? I was almost home from work last night and one of Pete's all time favs came on the radio "Cattle Call", an oldie, but what a great song. Good thing I was only about 1/4 mile from the house, that was the first time I've come home in tears but of course I sat in my rig until it was finished!!! I remember exactly where I was with him, when I heard that song the first time, he was taking a load to Ca., I was in the passenger seat, he reached up, cranked the radio, had an awesome smile on his face, and the glimmer in his eyes that was asking "do you love this as much as I do??" Awesome memory.
live, laugh, love |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2010 : 09:25:53 AM
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Suzie, I know exactly what you are talking about, my sweet man had a few favorites, and when they come on the radio, either I want cry, sing-a-long or usually both. There are so many things that bring his face to me, in my mind, so completly clear, it will stop me dead in my tracks...
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2010 : 6:35:00 PM
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Santana was our favorite. Saw them in concert many times and used tp dance to
Samba Pa Ti every year n our anniversary. It is the ring tone on my phone.
The day before Ken passed I had some soothing Classical music playing. He woke up for a few minutes and said, "This stuff is putting me to sleep. How about some Santana?"
Still love it although there are some days that it is harder to listen to than others
Michele
www.2vintagedivas.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.artfire.com
Love that good ole vintage junk |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2010 : 9:03:20 PM
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It's funny how many of those songs stick with me....we always loved country and of course I still do, listen to it all the time, every time one of his favorites comes on it brings back so many memories, sometimes I just have to turn it down, especially if I'm on my way to work, my boss has a keen eye for teary eyes!! I loved Santana too, they were popular during my H.S. days if I remember, and I still like them, along with lots of others that aren't country. I think I might die if I hear Unchained Melody!!
live, laugh, love |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2010 : 06:17:07 AM
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I know what you mean although we didn't really have any songs. He was crazy about Scobby Doo and if I hear any of that music or see the cartoon it does a number on me.
Today is day 50 without my sweet love...I miss him so much. Found the last valentine he gave me that had the song "you are so beautiful to me" when you opened it up...bawled my head off for as long as I could...how that man loved me and I loved him, still do.
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2010 : 08:27:56 AM
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Julie, I'm hoping you have a much better day today. Those times will come and go, and sometimes they just come out of nowhere. Teresa, (1badmamawolf) gave me some good advice quite some time ago and it helped so much, "grieve when you want, and how you want to". Essentially, it's o.k. to just sit down and bawl, whenever and how hard you need to! Amazing to know it's o.k. to do that and more so how much better you'll feel. All the gals on this thread have been such inspiration and motivation for me!! It's a comfort to know you can come here and "pour your guts out" and every one understands!! Have a better day today~~
live, laugh, love |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2010 : 1:18:07 PM
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Suzie, I am so glad my advice gave you some comfort...This Sunday, "Father's Day", is gonna be a real tuff day for alot of us, I will be digging out my sweet mans keepsake box, and reading all the the Fathers Day cards I and the kids gave him over the years, and probally do alot of crying, my kids included.
Janie, live your grief how you want, and for as long as you need, NEVER let anyone tell you how, or when to stop, we are all differant,it never goes completly away, it just gets a little easier with time...
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2010 : 8:39:21 PM
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Oh Teresa.........Father's Day, you just gave me an idea, Pete always put his Father's Day cards in his dresser drawers, maybe I'll go through them and pull them out and read them all, from his boys, and myself, brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. You're welcome, you always give the most comforting advice and just reading what you told Janie has reaffirmed the fact that we all deal with grief differently, but that it is o.k.
live, laugh, love |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2010 : 07:56:56 AM
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There is just no timetable on grief. Unfortunately to many people don't realize this and think we sould "be over it by now". Don't let this mindset in. You are entitled to own your grief as long as you need to.
Ken has been gone 10 years and I still miss him every day. Every time I see a couple our age together, I remember anew what was taken from me.
Michele
www.2vintagedivas.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.artfire.com
Love that good ole vintage junk |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2010 : 08:46:02 AM
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Thank you so much for that advice! I have already had people try to tell me that it's been almost 2 months, i should be doing better. I lived with that man for 31 years - how on earth could anyone be "over" it in two months? I will never be "over" it and I know that. My little 82 year old mother lost her man 25 years ago this august and she still grieves for him (as I do for my father) but if I cry around her she gets really upset because we were taught not to cry (never worked with me). It just gets really hard at nights and on the weekends especially holiday weekends and when i see a guy riding a motorcycle with a black helmet and when i see couples my age....and i have yet to make it through any movie with a love story angle and you get the picture...I appreciate all of you sooooo much! This is where I get my grief counseling..
hugs
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
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Kirksmom71
True Blue Farmgirl
873 Posts
Mel
Dallas
Texas
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2010 : 09:52:14 AM
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Yea Michelle......absolutely no timetable. June 26 will be 12 years for me and sometimes it seems like yesterday. I don't think its a matter of getting "over" it. For me its a matter of getting through it. I push through because I am confident that's exactly what Lester would expect of me.
My best to all,
Mel
Sassy City Girl with Farmgirl Fantasies! |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2010 : 2:17:40 PM
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For a while after Ken's death I was seeing a counselor (read shrink) She gave me a piece of advice that was occasionally helpful. She told me to "fake it 'til you make it." Sometimes I could actually do this But sometimes there was so much pain I would just keep my little black cloud at home.
I have a meeting with Social Security on July 12 to start receiving Ken's SS benefits. Although this is a positive thing it is still going to be a tough day, so pray for me girls
Michele
www.2vintagedivas.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.artfire.com
Love that good ole vintage junk |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2010 : 9:33:29 PM
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I guess this is where I come for my grief counseling too Janie. Now I have to ask this, do any one of you feel like absolutely nothing is the same anymore in life?? I'm not talking just about losing our wonderful hubbys as if that isn't enough(!)....it just seems like everything else is upside down for me, and I willingly admit I'm complaining. When we moved over here to ea. Wa., I got a transfer from my job, the deal was I kept my seniority, benefits and schedule, which was M-F, 8-4, I was the luckiest girl in the world, but had been w/the co. for 10 yrs. I was told when I returned to work I would have the same schedule, I was looking forward to that, and to some normalicy (just made that word up!!), I did not get my schedule back, not too often have two days together off, and almost always work wknds. I was told by my co-workers, don't even ask the boss about my old schedule, and NOW, it looks like we're going to go to 4 10 hr. days. My dog is in his pet porter, inside all day, now it's going to be a 12 hr. day for him, I guess that's what really upsets me, and it would be an extra 22 miles a day to let him out at lunchtime so that's out. Hate to ask the neighbors to let him out, I'm just hoping another 2 hrs. won't make that much difference. But, my point was.....does anyone else feel like NOTHING is the same????? Sorry to go on and on gals, really needed to get that out!!
live, laugh, love |
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Across the Fence: Stories from us widow women..... |
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Stories from us widow women.....
