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Across the Fence:  Stories from us widow women.....  |
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eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 9:50:23 PM
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Suzie ... I would imagine you were on autopilot last year ! It has not yet been 5 months since my dh passed. For the first 3 I was numb and so busy sending papers here filling out this...etc. You know the routine ! I was also surrounded,most of the time, with friends family. Now there are no more cards,letters or regular visitors. Especially this time of year. Now it's time to think,miss him even more and deal with life as I know know it. I'm with all of you...we will get through the holidays together. I found out tonight my daughter and hubby want me there for New Years eve and day ! We all brought in the year together last year. This year we are going to celebrate and share special memories and dance and sing with the grandbabies to Poppys favorite group...Bon Jovi ! lol !! My grandson is disabled but loves dancing with his Meme ! Looking forward to that ! Now...to just get through Christmas!!
Hugs n blessings...
Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339 |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2010 : 06:37:07 AM
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dear kristy!
I am so glad that you will have somewhere to go for new years. and i understand totally about the 5 weeks "thing". I had a friend (of over 30 years) call me the 1st week of my beloved's passing just to tell me that i was not married any more! what a jerk! Its now been 7 months since he passed and i still feel married and am not interested in going to a lot of places and parties...oh I don't stay at home and be by myself all the time. This weekend I have to drive 5 hours to a conference for my work and i will do everything i always did (never partied after hours) except I won't have my sweetie to call and talk to from the hotel room. that will be hard but doable. I miss him so very much.
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
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eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2010 : 11:51:31 AM
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Dear Janice,
I feel the same way ,I am still married in my heart and may always be. Still wear my wedding ring and have added his as a thumb ring. I get upset with my BFF sometimes. Shes always telling me I need to get rid of his clothes. I need to start going out to bars ! I never did that,well when I was young, but not a bar scene girl looking for a man ! Yuck ! Lol !! I'm learning to enjoy the solitude of my own company and that of my furbabies. I can dress how I want to and do what brings me joy and peace to get through another day. I think that is all we can ask for being widows. I dislike that word for some reason ! Lol !
I hope you have a great weekend at the conference. Yes it will be different without your calls to your love. But I have a feeling you will be ok ! Probably missing him of course. But we do seem to find our way through the issues that come up as we walk this journey . God bless and safe travel !!
Hugs...
Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339 |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2010 : 8:03:25 PM
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Had to laugh a little at you gals, I have my work Christmas party this wknd., dinner and then they want to go do karaoke.....not my thing at all, did go a few wks. ago w/them, but just sat there!! I have a feeling our guys are all watching over us when we go places, do things, work conferences, parties, etc. and are protecting us in their own special way. It's been a little over a yr. and I haven't gotten rid of hardly any of Pete's clothes, jeans that were new and didn't fit, yep, to my brother, a couple favorite hickory shirts to my brother, but the rest still hangs in the closet. I suppose someday we will all deal with that, in our own time. We all enjoy little things we didn't do before, like someone mentioned, dressing the way we like, etc. I had my hair colored a month or so back, and it made me feel great, those things are important, if to nobody else, than ourselves and we do have to be true to ourselves. Hugs for you all~~
live, laugh, love |
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eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2010 : 10:32:36 AM
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Suzie...You are so right ! We are in a season of our lives where we can and should be true to ourselves. My kids are worried I'm loosing it, as I got the upper cartlidge in my left ear pierced. Something I wanted to do for a long time and put a diamond stud in it.My husband said..uhhh.. I think you are too old for that ! Ummmm...I'm only 53 for petes sakes !! lol ! You are so right about doing things in our own timing. I keep telling friends and family..You've not walked in my shoes. I must do what makes me happy and that I am comfortable with. His things are are not just things..they smell like him and are comforting to me.. so let me do things in my own timing. I'm also learning to speak up for myself.. Ive not always been the best at that. But I know my love is cheering me on and saying WAY TO GO HONEY !!
Sending hugs to all and praying this holiday season will be the best it can be . Chat soon !!!
Hugs...Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339
http;//www.myhealingthroughartstory.blogspot.com |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2010 : 12:07:45 PM
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Oh Kristy, that's too funny, I've never been one to stand up for myself either and am getting better and better at it, sometimes I think the crew at work thinks they're working with somebody new!! But they look at me like "alright girl"!! Hope you're getting into the holiday spirit, last week I was dragging, this week I'm cookin' on it, have my tree up, and the rest of the house decorated, played Kenny G's Christmas cd the other night and some other favs' and just had a good ole time!!! Hoping you are too!!
live, laugh, love |
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eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2010 : 08:43:08 AM
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Suzie...A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do... is what I am thinking ! lol ! I have been at daughter and SILs with the grandbabies for about a week. We went to the tree farm and chopped down about a 10 foot douglas fir. Came back to their house and decorated the house. It was fun this year as Trinity is now 3 and was really into it. My grandson is disabled but he was screaming with joy when the lights came on. I have a little tree up at home that I did in pink and silver ( Pink fav color )...new and just for me this year. Hurt too much to get the old things out this year. Going to make some new memories and start new tradition !!
Hope and pray my sisters are doing well getting through this holiday season. I know it can be rough... but here for you all as well !!! Xoxoxoxoxox....
Hugs...Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339
http;//www.myhealingthroughartstory.blogspot.com |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2010 : 09:03:57 AM
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Its been awhile since I posted. Good to catch up. I've been dragging the past few days. I know it is because the 2nd year mark of Dale's passing is next Tuesday. It has been a tough month for me with holiday stuff. My youngest got married this summer, so this is the first Christmas for me alone. Always thought Dale and I would be empty nesters together. I had to make a conscience effort to even drag the christmas boxes from the attic, to want to decorate since I would be the only one seeing it. But not doing it felt pathetic. I hate feeling that way. So, down they came. Last Saturday, my sis and BIL took me to get a tree, we brought home and set it up. It sat in its stand naked till Sunday night till I got the urge to decorate. Our family tradition was always to make cocoa and listen to Aaron Nevelle Christmas as we decorated. I couldn't do either. No cocoa, but I did listen to Sarah McLachan. I was pleased with the tree. Lots of white lights and all my vintage ornaments I have collected over the years. I did a bit of other decorating in the house before curling up on the couch to watch The Bells of St. Mary. It was about 10:30. Ten minutes later, the tree just fell over. I couldn't believe it! I stood up in disgust, and said 'Well, Merry Christmas'. I then went and got bath towels to soak up all the water, pooling on the wood floor. I have one of those big tree stands, so it holds about a gallon of water. I picked up the tree and shoved it into the corner, picked up the broken vintage ornaments, sweeped, went back to the couch and cried till I fell asleep. So much for the movie. At the moment it was awful, now I can laugh. I guess if you have to make new christmas memories, you should do it up big.
I wear my cape around my waist.
#440
http://myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com
http://www.turnerhilltea.blogspot.com/ |
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Kirksmom71
True Blue Farmgirl
873 Posts
Mel
Dallas
Texas
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2010 : 6:24:20 PM
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Sorry to hear about your tree mishap but it's good you can laugh.....laughter is good for the soul! It's been 12 years for me and I still stutter along ocassionally but I got out my lil 2 foot tree with fiber optics and no need for lights....its fun. Still need to get the ornaments on. I love little stuff so its great fun to decorate it. Each day is a new opportunity for new experiences and new memories!
I had three boxes stacked atop eachother and it was higher than I am tall and I confess I was too lazy to fetch the ladder. Thought I'd be really smart pull on the bottom one just right and they would land flat on the dryer.....Ha!Ha!....had it slightly ajar and kerplunk the top box... I think the heaviest... came crashing on to me head....ouch that hurt!! Took a while to recoup from that one...."New Experiences/New Memories!!!!!! 
My best to all,
Mel
Sassy City Girl with Farmgirl Fantasies! |
Edited by - Kirksmom71 on Dec 09 2010 6:33:52 PM |
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eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Dec 10 2010 : 10:47:32 AM
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Sorry you two but had to laugh at both your posts a bit. We had the same thing happen at daughter and SILs house with the tree falling. We harvested a 10 ft tree. Got all the lights and decorations on it. My granddaughter and I were sitting in a big comfy chair looking at the tree and the fireplace going and singing. When the whole thing came crashing toward us. I just jumped to block it from hitting Trinity. I have now officially been beaten by a Douglas Fir ! Lol! My SIL came flying down the stairs and asked what on earth Trinity was doing . In her little 3 year old wisdom she said.." Well now Daddy... Poppy is an angel now and he kicked it over !" Lol !! Daddy didn't buy that, so she blamed it on the dog (No dog in sight) . We had to laugh or we would have been in tears. Had tons of fun picking shards of broken ornaments out of her hair and mine!
So now we have the story and memory of the Christmas Poppy kicked over the tree !! lol !!
I'm with you on being alone for Christmas Julia. But...somehow we will survive it...even if it's one breath or tear at a time !!
Hugs...Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339
http;//www.myhealingthroughartstory.blogspot.com |
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janiee
True Blue Farmgirl
820 Posts
Janie
Shawnee
Oklahoma
USA
820 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2010 : 10:40:08 AM
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Sorry to hear about the tree , Julia, I haven't put one up. haven't decorated at all since this is the first year without my dh. He loved Christmas so much and its just really hard to see all the stuff in the stores and be "jolly" at work. don't mean to be depressing - just really missing my sweetie right now.
janiee
farmgirl #390 |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2010 : 9:01:18 PM
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You're not being depressing Janiee. It is hard, will be hard. Maybe just take out one or two things to remember your Christmases together. I hardly turn on the tree lights. I just look at my Leaning Tower of Treeza and just shrug and grin. Next year will be easier.
" Well now Daddy... Poppy is an angel now and he kicked it over !" I love the innocence of those wee babes. Thanks for sharing that Kristy. Yes, it is one breathe, one tear, one memory at a time.
Tomorrow is "the day". I have already had a major cry fest after going back and reading my journal and what I wrote a few days after Dale passed away. There are things I don't remember, and it bugs me, a lot. Like in those last few minutes did I say one more time, I love you. I just can't remember. I am sure I did, but not sure at the same time. I will be spending the day with my middle daughter, give my other 2 girls a call, and get through yet another day. God is good and faithful, even in the midst of the darkness.
I wear my cape around my waist.
#440
http://myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com
http://www.turnerhilltea.blogspot.com/ |
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eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2010 : 10:22:17 PM
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Dear Julia ,
Tomorrow ,14th,will be 5 months since my love passed away ! I will be praying for you to make it through the day with as much joy as you can muster up. I will be alone, as I have been so sick and fever hasnt been gone 24 hours yet ! Anyway...going to work on an art piece tomorrow, cry and remember him. One moment a a time !!
hugs...
Hugs...Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339
http;//www.myhealingthroughartstory.blogspot.com |
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eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2010 : 10:29:43 PM
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Dear Jainee,
Oh Sister, I know the feeling. You are in my thoughts and prayers sweetie ! I am sending off an email to you in the morning. I'm here if you need to talk. I think we are the most recent widows so we will get through these holidays together !! I was encouraged by Hospice councelor to do something new just for me this year. So bought a little white tree and decorated it in pink ( fav color ) and silver. I love it! I'm with you...hard to dig out the old things!! Can't even go to the attic yet !! You are not alone !!
Hugs to you dear one...
Hugs...Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339
http;//www.myhealingthroughartstory.blogspot.com |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2010 : 8:01:03 PM
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I hope all you dear sisters made it through your rough days~~boy, like I said earlier, I breezed through last year on auto pilot, this year seems like I'm thinking about things more and more. I did my tree a little different this year and it makes me smile, but brings a tear to my eye doing Christmas cards and just thinking about what isn't anymore. I'm going to friends' for Christmas dinner, providing the roads are good and looking forward to seeing them, Gary and my late dh used to truck together so there will be many memories shared. Truly, I'd rather stay home, be alone, not get dressed, not have to see anybody and just watch movies all day, that is not me, but it sounds good!! Guess I'm sounding a little melancholy tonight....one breath, one tear, one day~~
live, laugh, love |
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eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2010 : 10:13:53 PM
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Hello sisters ! It's almost midnight here. I made it through today,14th. It was spent in my jammies,with a box of Kleenex,cough medicine, a warm blanket and my furbabies near me all day long. We made it through the day together. My son and daughter called and just let me talk and cry and remember Marvin. We were together 5 months ago when Marvin passed away in our arms. They remember things that I don't. We are finally able to talk about that day and heal together. So...for today, I made it through. Thank you for your prayers, thoughts and emails.
Dear Suzie,
I am learning that it's ok to have those meloncoly days. It's OK to cry and not do things the way we used to be. It's OK to find our new "normal" (whatever that is !). We each have to get through each day however we have to or need to. I so understand about being numb for a while. I think I am finally beginning to feel again. Not always a good thing... but at least I know I am still breating and going on. One day,hour or moment at a time. I am with you on just wanting to be home and do my own thing. My kids are all going to their inlaws as timing would have it. A friend has asked me to go with her,but I declined. I am still thinking about asking another widow in my community to come spend the day with me and let me cook for her. Whatever you decide to do is what you need to do to get through Christmas.
Hugs to all...
Hugs...Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339
http;//www.myhealingthroughartstory.blogspot.com |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2010 : 11:01:23 AM
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Kristy, glad you made it through the 'day'. I did too. I spent the day holding a grandbaby, which was so comforting. Glad too your kids just let you share your heart and tears.
I want to let you your of this sisterhood know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers this week, as once again we go through it without our beloveds. Hugs and love to you all. Merry Christmas.
I wear my cape around my waist.
#440
http://myfeetaredirty.blogspot.com
http://www.turnerhilltea.blogspot.com/ |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2010 : 8:07:37 PM
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To all of you "widow women sisters", I too would like to wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas, hard on all of us, of course, those of you who will be with your families, enjoy, for those of us who wish to be alone this year, I hope we can be. We can only hope and pray things get better as time progresses. Our guys are all up there watching over us, I have no doubt. Thanks to the terrific woman who started this thread over a year ago, I feel it has helped each and every one of us. My love to all of you~~
live, laugh, love |
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eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Dec 24 2010 : 10:06:37 PM
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Merry Christmas Sisters ! I have to at least say it...even though I am not feeling it. This is so hard ! In fact it really stinks. I just sit and cry. I am really alone on CHristmas eve and will be for Christmas day as well. I had invited my BFF and her husband over as they had no place to go. Well...plans longer drive, to Christmas eve service at my church. No one came! I have had my head stuck in the computer trying to play stupid games on FB. So sorry for being Suzie downer...just needed to vent. I thought alone would be best...but it's not! Hugs to all !!
Hugs...Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339
Scattered Prairie Gals Chapter
http;//www.myhealingthroughartstory.blogspot.com |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Dec 25 2010 : 4:11:37 PM
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Kristy, so sorry you are having a hard couple of days.....I'm hoping that today went a little better for you?? Seems there are so many people this year just "not in the holiday mood", I myself am one, but next year I'm certain will be better. I have been by myself today, as I wanted to be, and have had a fairly good day, did a few things around the house, napped for a bit, got into Pioneer Woman's cookbook that was given to me, watched a good movie, and am going to have a good dinner as well, so I have to say Merry Christmas my friend, and assure you, things will get just a little better as time goes on!!!Love~~Suzie
live, laugh, love |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Jan 01 2011 : 7:47:44 PM
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I think it's time to bring this back to the top~~hope all you farmgirl sisters made it through Christmas o.k., and I'm sure for many of you it was just that, "o.k." I do want to wish you all a Happy New Year, peace, and happiness. Please know that happiness does come, sometimes just a bit at a time, sometimes it's a big blast, just enjoy that happiness when it decides to shower on you. My love to all~~
live, laugh, love |
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eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Jan 09 2011 : 4:06:29 PM
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Hello Sisters !!!
WOrried about my fellow sisters of widowhood. I pray you are all doing well and survived the holidays. I did ! One day and many tears at a time. But.. I made it through and I am off to new beginnings and changes for 2011. Please visit my blog to catch up on what I have in mind. Too much to post here.
I'm thinking of you all and sending you a great big HUG from Kansas!
Hugs...Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339
Scattered Prairie Gals Chapter
http://www.myhealingthroughartstory.blogspot.com
My studio Blog- http://www.lostcreekstudio.blogspot.com |
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eggfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
253 Posts
Kristy
Melvern
KS
USA
253 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2011 : 4:15:51 PM
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Ok sisters...have all the widowed women gone into hiding ? Sigh !! Well just wanted to see how everyone else is doing with Valentines Day coming up . I thought I was doing ok, as I got envolved with the Valentines swap and Mail art swap. Then it dawned on me.. Marvin will be gone 7 months that day  ! No beautiful cards with his beautiful words and message. No I love you honey. No...oh you know !! So...I am going to crawl into me art studio and just paint,draw,collage or something to get through the day. Not such a bad thing lately. Pop over to my blogs and you can see what I've been doing !! Hope you are doing well!!
Hugs...Kristy
"Live like you were dyin'"
Sis #2339
Scattered Prairie Gals Chapter
http://www.myhealingthroughartstory.blogspot.com
My studio Blog- http://www.lostcreekstudio.blogspot.com |
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Bellepepper
True Blue Farmgirl
1207 Posts
Belle
Coffeyville
KS
USA
1207 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2011 : 07:40:10 AM
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Kristy, We are still here. I have been staying in but not busy. You know what they say, the more you do the more you can do. I had foot surgery on Dec 29 and have only went out 6 times since. That was to go to the Dr. My boys have kept me supplied with fire wood and my granddaughter has helped me at the grocery store. But all is well and foot is healing nicely. Was able to get a shoe on last week. I feel like spring is here. Got shoes on and the temp is above freezing. My #2 son went to work at the power house at Burlington. Bet you know where that is. #1 son leaves tomorrow for Chicago to work on a power house up near there. So it is a good thing that our awful storms are over for a while.
Took a look at your blog. Your garden looks soooo much like mine. Picket fence, blue gazing ball, bird bath (only mine has a frog in it), shepherds hook bird feeder and last years flowers sticking up through the snow. Wish I knew how to post pics so you could see mine. Will have to learn someday. Also would like to blog. Loved looking at your artsy things. I don't do much of that kind of stuff. No talent in that area. I do quilts, garden and cook.
All is well here and thank you for thinking of us.
Your neighbor to the south
Belle |
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Across the Fence: Stories from us widow women..... |
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Stories from us widow women.....
