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Parenting & Farm Kids:  A sad realization...  |
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clothedinscarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
1333 Posts
Siobhan
Battle Creek
MI
USA
1333 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 12 2010 : 1:09:09 PM
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I have been suddenly hit the past week that I may come to a day very soon when I will have to grieve a loss. And it's going to be very hard for me because it's the loss of a dream. A dream of raising my very own farmgirl. I am a mom of 3 little boys and I am feeling myself stretched already. DH and I are back and forth weekly about whether we want to have any more children. Originally we said we wanted 4, but neither of us can see us surviving another boy. They are just A LOT of work, especially when they're all so young. I'm already realizing how fast my littlest guy is growing and I know that there will come that baby bug trying to bite in a few months when I'm longing for another newborn, but I think I might just be done and that makes me so sad  I've always wanted a little girl to teach to sew, knit, cook, and garden. Someone whom I could dress in lace and ruffles. I'm seeing that dream fading and I feel like a part of my heart is dying.
Are there any other mamas of boys out there that had to face this sadness and be OK with it? Somedays I am OK with the thought of being done, but then there's the part of me that just holds out hope that I'll get that little girl. I'm totally frightened by the thought of becoming a family that I know that has 7 boys, no girls, and now their kids are having kids and they are only producing boys. Not that there's anything wrong with boys. I LOVE my boys with all my heart, but they are a lot of work in the early years.
Siobhan, wife to my best friend, Trent, and mommy to Camden (11/28/05) and Bennett (7/11/07). and Truman (7/28/09) |
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ruralfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
4309 Posts
Rene'
Prosser
WA
USA
4309 Posts |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2010 : 1:43:52 PM
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I'm so sorry Siobhan!! I will keep you in my prayers!!
Hugs,
Channah
If you can dream it, and if you are willing to put forth the work and effort, you can have anything you envision. |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2010 : 1:49:53 PM
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I was never able to have babies, but always wanted a little girl too. Blessings and peace. I hope that you can come to a happy decision on having another child or not. You're in my prayers =)
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
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clothedinscarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
1333 Posts
Siobhan
Battle Creek
MI
USA
1333 Posts |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2010 : 2:17:09 PM
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Siobhan, I don't know what it feels like to be in your shoes. I have 2 girls and 1 boy. But my yougest daughter is 8 years old and I'd be willing to bet money she can make any boy look like an angel. She has made a bicycle ramp minus the ramp, so hence a stopping block and came in gushing blood out of her mouth and knocked a tooth loose; nose dived into a pew at church playing tag with some of the other kids got black eyes and busted nose and mouth out of that one, streaks naked and jiggles every fat roll that she has (thank goodness I usually catch her before she gets out the front door or the whole neighborhood would get a show), can out-cuss, spit, fart and belch any beer guzzlin man and tops it off "That's a sign the tank is full!"
I do hope you will get your precious lil farmgirl. In the mean time, maybe you could teach your boys to sew and cook and those fun things. My son loves to help cook and he's really looking forward to putting a garden out with me this summer.
Sending lots of hugs your way~ Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
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Sarahpauline
True Blue Farmgirl
672 Posts
sarah
Ringgold
GA
USA
672 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2010 : 3:27:46 PM
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Siobhan, I know a little bit how you feel. I always thought I would have more children too, no girls for me. One day I was feeling a little sorry for myself about my stretch marks and weight gain and wanting a girl. My cousin quietly listened to me complain and said, you know. My friend just had a daughter. She died in surgery to repair a heart defect she was born with. I bet she would have rather had a healthy boy than a sick little girl. That slapped me back into reality. I hope that you find the thing that helps you feel better about your situation too. Blessings.
Not all those who wander are lost...
www.SarahPauline.com
www.AbraxasBaroque.com |
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guerin
True Blue Farmgirl
88 Posts
Jennifer
Shandon
Ohio
88 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2010 : 05:00:27 AM
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I understand completely too. We stopped at two boys for several reasons and while I was sad on one hand, I was relieved on the other. Yes, I did want girls to spoil, but I have SO much fun with my boys. God knows what he's doing. I too pray to have a close relationship with my daughers in law. I am very very close to my MIL, so I have hope that it will be the same for my boys.
(((Hugs))) I know how you feel dear!
If money can fix it... it isn't a problem. (unsure author)
http://925frugal.com
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Especially For You
True Blue Farmgirl
541 Posts
Tina
Watkinsville
GA
541 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2010 : 05:49:43 AM
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I understand how you feel, but the other way I had two girls. Neither one of them wants to learn anything about being a Farmgirl. I don't what I did wrong. But back to you, When you become the best Mother-in-Law then Grandchildren follow. I bet you will have your sweet little Farmgirl then. I never had boys and now I have 3 handsome little Grandsons. It is funny how God works.
Blessings,
Tina |
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clothedinscarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
1333 Posts
Siobhan
Battle Creek
MI
USA
1333 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2010 : 05:58:52 AM
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Thanks for all the encouragements everyone! *hugs*
Siobhan, wife to my best friend, Trent, and mommy to Camden (11/28/05) and Bennett (7/11/07). and Truman (7/28/09) |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
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AuntPammy
True Blue Farmgirl
488 Posts
Pamila
williamstown
wv
USA
488 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2010 : 08:36:15 AM
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If you decide to have another child I pray that you will have a healthy happy girl.Just a thought, my sister in law was blessed with three boys. They are all grown men now with their own families and yes, wives and daughters, and perhaps soon great-grand daughters. While her boys were growing up my sis in law always dreamed of having a daughter just like you do. It never happened so for one of her sons she taught to cook and another can cross stitch like nobody else and her third son cleans house for his family exclusively. Don't fret or worry there are still plenty of special things you can teach to a boy and special moments you can create for each of them.As for the ruffles and lace I guess you will just have to enjoy them yourself! Huggz to you.
"God made rainy days so gardeners could get their housework done!" unknown
www.auntpsalmostheaven.blogspot.com |
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electricdunce
True Blue Farmgirl
2544 Posts
Karin
Belmont
ME
USA
2544 Posts |
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clothedinscarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
1333 Posts
Siobhan
Battle Creek
MI
USA
1333 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2010 : 08:41:14 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by electricdunce
Have you considered adoption? I'm sure there are lots of little girls who need homes...
Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com
Yes. We've definitely thought of this option. But, I think the biggest realization for us right now is that we might not be equipped to raise more children, whether we were to be blessed with a biological daughter or adopt one. I just feel some days that I am hanging by a thread at the end of the day. Boys are a LOT of work LOL :) Then we think about the possibility of just waiting a few years until the boys are a little older and not so mischievous anymore (if that ever happens) and then try again or adopt. But we don't know if we want to get totally out of the diaper age and start all over with it again. But that is a totally selfish idea and I'm sure if we still feel we have room for more in a few years we will change our mind about the diaper thing. It's extra difficult for me to think about though because we cloth diaper and that' an extra load of laundry every other day that I would have to pick up again, KWIM?
Siobhan, wife to my best friend, Trent, and mommy to Camden (11/28/05) and Bennett (7/11/07). and Truman (7/28/09) |
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4737 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4737 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2010 : 3:00:04 PM
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As a mother of 3 boys, I look forward to some day of having a granddaughter or two!
Dawn in IL |
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lilwing
True Blue Farmgirl
1403 Posts
Brooke
Fulshear
Texas
USA
1403 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2010 : 3:19:18 PM
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You never know though! ..... My mom had three girls.... and she wasn't planning exactly to have my brother.....and it happened! (kind of the other way around and it wasn't exactly like she was wanting a boy..) Sometimes God surprises you and says "HERE... You are having another! And it's a GIRL..."
I hope to have a little girl too. I don't have any yet. I'd like to, it just hasn't happened.I don't know what I will do if I have boys... (though I will love them just the same) On the other hand, My mother-in-law always wanted a little girl and she got three boys.... she decided to stop .... I just say ....Let God handle it..... if it is meant to be....it will happen!
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Proud Farmgirl #775
http://maggielousdaughter.blogspot.com
(in construction!)
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2010 : 4:23:54 PM
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I raised 3 boys and 1 girl, my daughter is a dream child (shes now 32, teaches middle school, and maybe has found her dream man), she was by far the hardest to raise because her Daddy and I worried a whole lot more about her, cause she was a girl. She is tuff and smart and beautiful, but when she matured and the boys started sniffing around, OMG, I thought my hubby was gonna end up in prison, he would answer the door, and absoulutly scare them to death, only a hand full survived his talks. She would be so damn angry at us for embarressing her, I would tell her I would rather her be mad at us, then her hurt, in any way, shape or form. Cause if that ever happened, I told her, her daddy would be in prison for killing the boy who hurt her. my boys were 100% boys, and got in their share of "boy" trouble, nothing ever major, and one of them did have a girlfriend that I wanted to string up (long, long story), but 2 ended up with a girl that we very much approved of , and gave us 2 wonderful grandsons. One other thing, remember "God has a special place in Heaven, for the Mother of 3 boys". When your boys marry, you will get daughters out of the deal, and maybe granddaughters too.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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clothedinscarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
1333 Posts
Siobhan
Battle Creek
MI
USA
1333 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2010 : 6:56:26 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by 1badmamawolf
I raised 3 boys and 1 girl, my daughter is a dream child (shes now 32, teaches middle school, and maybe has found her dream man), she was by far the hardest to raise because her Daddy and I worried a whole lot more about her, cause she was a girl. She is tuff and smart and beautiful, but when she matured and the boys started sniffing around, OMG, I thought my hubby was gonna end up in prison, he would answer the door, and absoulutly scare them to death, only a hand full survived his talks. She would be so damn angry at us for embarressing her, I would tell her I would rather her be mad at us, then her hurt, in any way, shape or form. Cause if that ever happened, I told her, her daddy would be in prison for killing the boy who hurt her. my boys were 100% boys, and got in their share of "boy" trouble, nothing ever major, and one of them did have a girlfriend that I wanted to string up (long, long story), but 2 ended up with a girl that we very much approved of , and gave us 2 wonderful grandsons. One other thing, remember "God has a special place in Heaven, for the Mother of 3 boys". When your boys marry, you will get daughters out of the deal, and maybe granddaughters too.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children"
That's the only thing that scares me about a girl. DH likes to say (and sorry if this offends anyone, but I'll try to say it nicely), "we only have to worry about controlling 3 hoohas, if we had a girl, we'd have to worry about all the other hoohas that we can't control." LOL!
Siobhan, wife to my best friend, Trent, and mommy to Camden (11/28/05) and Bennett (7/11/07). and Truman (7/28/09) |
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JustAnAllAmericanGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
72 Posts
Jamie
Raleigh
North Carolina
USA
72 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2010 : 11:39:22 AM
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I only have one boy and we are stopping there. I was raised with four brothers so to me only having a son seems normal. However, yes there are moments that having a little girls seems wonderful but I'll tell you what, there is nothing like hearing my little eight year old complement me on how nice I look or put his arms around me and tell me I'm "the best mom in the world". I suppose I just don't think about what I don't have and instead completely love and enjoy that which I do have. I have faith that it will all work out for you because life always does. Jamie
www.JustAnAllAmericanGirl.blogspot.com |
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2010 : 9:20:24 PM
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I have one daughter and one son and my daughter wants nothing to do with being a farmgirl. My son actually cooks better than her and can talk care of himself around the house better too. But I do have 3 grand daughters that love being with grammy on the farm so God does know what he is doing!!!
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
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sacredwolf
Farmgirl in Training
44 Posts
Kristy
Narka
Kansas
USA
44 Posts |
Posted - Jan 17 2010 : 08:34:08 AM
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| I guess I am really lucky you could say, I have it evened out 2boys, 2girls. My oldest and youngest are girls and two middle are boys and let me tell you the girls give me a run for my money. Not trying to make them sound bad because all my children are wonderful but wow girls are tough (at least my oldest). My youngest is not so bad yet but she is only two and a huge tomboy, already loves to fish, hunt and has to be right out there with all the animals all the time. Boys are more up in your face (which I like). I don't have to guess...if there naughty, they are naughty if they are good, they are good. But the best thing I can tell you is just keep your head up. We planned on stopping at three, we did not think we could handle anymore then that. I was tired all the time and finances were really tight but then came Autumn my two year old. We were not supposed to be able to become pregnant at that time but nothing is ever certain. When I told my husband he just turned around and walked away. He was actually upset. I was worried but happy. Actually loved the idea of having another baby but worried that I would not be able to handle another child. Now Autumn is two and neither her dad or I could imagine things any different. Four kids do take more then three on every scale of life but actually things are better for us now. I like I said before just keep your head up and if it is meant to be it will happen. Hope only for the best for you...HUGS! |
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snowberryfarm
True Blue Farmgirl
132 Posts
Michelle
Central Wa
WA
USA
132 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2010 : 5:30:06 PM
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I am all for adoption, and know many people that had all sons and went ahead and adopted a daughter. It has been such a blessing for them. Best of luck with whatever you decide!!
www.Snowberryfarm.blogspot.com |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Jan 27 2010 : 6:50:37 PM
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Siobhan - it is tough knowing whether or not its time to be done...especially when you only have children of all one gender or the other. Hubby and I made the decision last year with only boys under our belt. It was tough, but we felt it was the right decision. Its very easy (I know because I was there a year ago) to sit on this side of things (meaning where you are) and imagine what life would be like with another child (girl), but one can't be sure of what the future holds. You wouldn't want to shoot for a girl in the hopes of raising a darling of a farmgirl when there's always the chance you might get anti-farmgirl kinda gal! Don't discount the tough work you're doing right now raising your little men!! It's a good thing! I think if you want to try for another child, then try for another child. But realize another child IS another child. Which, as we call it in boyland over here, could be chaos times infinity!!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde |
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LynnDinKY
Farmgirl in Training
46 Posts
Kentucky
USA
46 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2010 : 9:14:40 PM
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Hey!!! I came after three boys! 5 years and 364 days after the last son was born. I happen to think that I was worth the wait! LOL!
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30 |
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aunt boby
True Blue Farmgirl
173 Posts
toby
polo
illinois
USA
173 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2010 : 08:50:24 AM
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I had three boys when I had the same desire of having a little girl. Number four was my little darling girl. I would have stopped at four no matter what. I can totally relate to the work of raising boys. Have you ever heard the saying- "Mothers of little boys work from son up to son down." It's the truth!! Your boys are so young, I'm sure you'll have plenty of time in the future to decide about having another child. And like others said you can teach your boys the same things you would teach a girl. One of my boys has sewn a pillow with my sewing machine and another loves to make things in the kitchen. And they all love to do crafty projects. But the lace and ruffles thing might not go over so well!! LOL
POOR IS THE MAN WHO CANNOT ENJOY THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE- anonymous |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2010 : 2:38:12 PM
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Siobhan, I think if you reread your posts you will see you have already pretty much made up your mind. You are just coming to terms with your decision. It will be the right one for you and your family and that is what is truly important.Relax a bit and enjoy the roller coater ride of raising kids, theres no other experience like it!
Hugs MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: A sad realization... |
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A sad realization...
