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Family Matters:  Clear  |
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Aunt Clemys Farm Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
157 Posts
Linda
MA
USA
157 Posts |
 Posted - May 28 2009 : 12:04:13 PM
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Edited by - Aunt Clemys Farm Girl on Aug 29 2009 1:49:07 PM |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2009 : 12:20:29 PM
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Hmmmm....this is a hard one. While I have never been in your situation, I was married previously and did the whole church wedding, pastor, etc...and the marriage was terrible--the divorce worse. This time round, I met my (now) husband half-way regarding the ceremony because he wasn't at all interested in church,pastor or priest (he was raised Catholic, an alter boy and has major issues with the Catholic Church) or any religious aspects. The difference is he does believe in marriage--he is a person of faith--his faith lies in "us", if you will. We enrich each other's lives, and we choose to be with one another, as he's chosen to be with you.
As I mentioned, we took the "church" out and used a local judge, which gave some "formality" and he also said a prayer, and used "God" several times (at no point did my husband burst into flames  ) and we had our best friends involved--we limited our guests to people who loved us, and us them, as attendees.
I will say this: initially, my husband was very anti-everything that resembled, smelled or sounded like "traditional" wedding and church stuff. Then he saw how much some things actually meant to me, and relented.
Please don't take this the wrong way...I think your s.o is being a bit controlling and rather unfair. What you say in your post reflects his wishes only--the "why's" and "why not's"--but honestly, we all have baggage. If you love someone, it should be new, and the past is just that: the past. It can shape you and inform the way you live now, but it shouldn't own you and keep you behind.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Aunt Clemys Farm Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
157 Posts
Linda
MA
USA
157 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2009 : 12:28:45 PM
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| edited by Aunt Clemys Farm Girl |
Edited by - Aunt Clemys Farm Girl on Aug 29 2009 1:02:51 PM |
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CherryMeDarlin
True Blue Farmgirl
602 Posts
Cherry
Odenville
AL
USA
602 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2009 : 12:39:27 PM
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Oh, Linda, what a difficult situation to be in. I think Jonni is right about the controlling and being unfair. It hurt me to read that he told you it would never come from his heart. If after ten years he can't recognize that your aren't anywhere near like the woman he did marry, then I think you should definitely precede with caution. That's just my opinion, but don't you want him to have moved past that business before you legally tie yourself to him? And he's asking a lot to make everything on his terms. Where's the compromise? Where's the give-and-take? Ten years is a long time to be with someone and it sounds like you've been through everything there is to go through with this man, but what about your beliefs? Do you believe in God? If so, where's the respect for your beliefs? I personally could never tie myself to or take the name of a man who didn't share my beliefs.
It's so much easier for a man in this type of situation than a woman, unless the woman is comfortable with it and it sounds like you aren't. I just feel he should have more consideration and respect for your feelings and your heart's desire. I don't know him from Adam, but I'd question if you should invest any more time into this relationship than you already have. This is a HUGE, HUGE decision to make and it just sounds like he doesn't share your level of commitment to the relationship.
~~Cherry~~
http://cherrymedarlin.blogspot.com
"A thing is as simple or as complicated as you make it." --TT Murphy |
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NudeFoodFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
433 Posts
Heide
Benton City
WA
433 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2009 : 12:57:33 PM
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I would have to agree with Jonni, this is a tough one.
I,too was married before and did it all the "right way" with spending a ton of money and having a priest in a church etc. All that said the marriage failed and left me feeling ripped off. It took over a decade for me to get over it. My current husband had never been married and wanted to celebrate our commitment. I was the jaded one.
After long conversations of what was important to both of us we compromised. We invited our closest family and friends (less than 20 total) to join us for a weekend at our favorite resort,(McMenimens The Edgefield, originally a poor farm outside of Portland OR where they have turned it into a brewery, vineyard with a huge Hot Spring soaking pool surrounded by beautiful gardens. Before they opened to the public they hired artist to come and paint every surface with stories of the people who occupied the 100 year old "work farm." Very cool). That is were we continued to stay afterwards for our honeymoon.
We had our best friend be our officient, wrote our vows and made the event more about our families than about just us. We had some basic traditions but really it was about the romance you mentioned of becoming spouses not so much the religious/government take.
My brother and his wife did a great tradition where they planted a tree and exchanged vows, then each person attending brought a little symbol of what the marriage meant to them, leaving it at the base of the tree. Every year for their anniversary they go back to the tree and resay their vows.
My sister has never married and lives with the father of her son for 20 some years. They say they don't need the wedding. . .they celebrate more privately.
I think the two of you need to write down what actions would validate your marriage and see if you could honor each others "traditions". Really it is about celebrating your commitment to one another and why would that ever be a bad thing? Sounds to me like you have been through a lot together and why not celebrate that? Just like people re-marrying each other after 25 and 50 years for their anniversary.
Hope he gives in a little and y'all can meet half way,
h
Nude Food Farm
~Grown so good,
Dressing is Optional. |
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knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2009 : 1:07:06 PM
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This is a tough one. He needs to understand that everybody carries baggage and just because his first marriage was a disaster that shouldn't colour your relationship now. Try to talk to him and explain why it is so important to you (and I get why it is important). You have been together for ten years so having your relationship "formalized" shouldn't make much of a difference. There are so many different types of cerimonies that there should be something you can both agree to.
Good luck.
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2009 : 1:14:15 PM
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You're so very welcome, Linda. I just really feel that there is ALWAYS a way to compromise with someone who actually "hears" you but my concern for you now, like the other girls is whether he's hearing and honoring your values and your...well...feelings. He probably thinks (aside from his other baggage) that if it isn't broken, why fix it? That's typically male...and if you want romance and to feel validated, loved and cherished with a wedding, then he should come along for the ride. There are ways around all hurdles, if you're listening to each other. As I mentioned before, I feel like he's got his fingers rammed pretty tightly in his ears right now!!!
My husband said something to me while we were planning our little wedding, and I was fretting over little details here and there. He said, "Jon, I don't want a big wedding...I want a big marriage." and that is something I have always remembered, and he's rarely let me forget it. We all stumble in our relationships, but we are a united front, stronger now than 8 years ago.
I think, that as difficult it may be to broach this subject with him, you should convey to him that you are willing to compromise on some things, but that your core values and yes, your very feelings are also a part of you--the you he says he loves. Remind him, please, that he must also respect you. He'll probably be gruff and pouty for a few days but stick to your guns. Remeber--YOU matter. When all the other stuff falls away, you're the only one left to take care of YOU.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Aunt Clemys Farm Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
157 Posts
Linda
MA
USA
157 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2009 : 1:37:58 PM
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edited by Aunt Clemys Farm Girl
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Edited by - Aunt Clemys Farm Girl on Aug 29 2009 1:03:48 PM |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2009 : 1:57:15 PM
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This is a rough situation all right. But from what you are saying, it sounds as though not having a wedding will hurt you more than having one will hurt him. It doesn't sound like being married is going to negatively change the way he feels about you and behaves toward you in the day to day. He just can't be enthusiastic about the ceremony.
If this sounds accurate to you, I'd try to accept his lack of enthusiasm and make the process as fun and painless for him as possible. He might surprise himself and find that he actually enjoys it.
But if you have any doubts that this may ruin the good relationship you share, I might be inclined to see if the two of you could do some sort of premarital counseling. It wouldn't be the usual premarital counseling, because you guys have been together a long time and know how to live together. But maybe some of this stuff could be resolved.
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NudeFoodFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
433 Posts
Heide
Benton City
WA
433 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2009 : 2:26:15 PM
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In your mans defense maybe he thinks his actions prove his love that words (public display) might never describe and maybe even make a mockery of. If his first marriage was such a disgrace why would he want to put what you and he has in that catagory? I know you are different and one would think he knows that after 10 years but maybe that is why the ceremony must be different than the last "blessing" he had.
Maybe he feels like "having" to say vows is embarrasing. . .that the two of you already knows how you feel for each other.
There are hundreds of ways to be "wed". . .he agrees to get married. It sounds like, to me, now you just need to find ways of doing it so that it means something to both of you. It sounds like witnesses are important to you. But he doesn't want a church marriage. SO you get guest and there is no church. You know something you both can agree too, both getting something and giving something (isn't that what marriage is all about?).
Honestly I don't blame him. I have similiar ideas. You both love each other, that is obvious. Now you just need to come together and come up with some mutual ideas of how to celebrate your bond.
I truly hope the best for you and that you can respect your needs and his and likewise. It really isn't an easy situation but think of all the other troubles you have made it through together, why wouldn't this be one of them?
One of these days after our kids are grown, I want to get a white dress (My mother didn't approve of me wearing a white dress for my second wedding, and I always have regretted not) and go to Vegas with my husband and elope!
I think everyone should get married over and over, many different ways. Why not celebrate this incredible union more than once? Maybe if we didn't have the pressures to believe it was one special day in a lifetime, we would take the event less seriously and have more fun, not making "the day" define us to our families.
About the last name thing, are you going to change your name to his? Keep yours, hyphenate or make up a new one that you both share? I m just curious, sounds like a pretty important thing to you.
Please don't break your heart over it, if you really love him and likewise, you two will come up with some great solutions. Try having fun just talking about it; there is no need to get all blown up and upset over planning a celebration.
Best,
h
Nude Food Farm
~Grown so good,
Dressing is Optional. |
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C.W.
True Blue Farmgirl
101 Posts
Chelsea
Prosser
WA
USA
101 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2009 : 3:11:07 PM
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Linda, I would have to agree with some of what Heidi said. Granted I don't know your man.... but it sounds like he feels that what he offers you isn't enough. Furthermore, if I heard you right, he is willing to get married, right? Even though he does not believe in marriage or religion, he is still willing to marry you in order to make you happy. Maybe it is just my youth and inexperience but I see three choices, you break up because he does not want to "do" a wedding like you do, you keep living together without his last name, family approval, security, ect, or you take off for the weekend say vows at some hitchin' post and be happy that your man loves you enough to do something for you that he does not personally feel is important.
I personally think you either love a man for who he is, what he believes, or you don't, it just aint fair to them for us women to go about trying to change them.
I wish you guys the best.
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C.W.
True Blue Farmgirl
101 Posts
Chelsea
Prosser
WA
USA
101 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2009 : 3:15:46 PM
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| I wanted to add a disclaimer...I have only been married for 3ish years...I think, so I could have no clue what I am talking about :) |
Edited by - C.W. on May 28 2009 3:46:49 PM |
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Aunt Clemys Farm Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
157 Posts
Linda
MA
USA
157 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2009 : 08:46:40 AM
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edited by Aunt Clemys Farm Girl
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Edited by - Aunt Clemys Farm Girl on Aug 29 2009 1:06:14 PM |
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Aunt Clemys Farm Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
157 Posts
Linda
MA
USA
157 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2009 : 09:18:54 AM
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Rdited by Aunt Clemys Farm Girl
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Edited by - Aunt Clemys Farm Girl on Aug 29 2009 1:05:15 PM |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2009 : 09:30:35 AM
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You know him best. If that's really how he feels, I wouldn't want to go through with a ceremony under those conditions either.
Regardless of the marital status, is there any way you can straighten out what happens to your home in the event of his death? Surely, he can name you in his will as the person who inherits his share of the house. It sounds like that would help you feel better about the future.
I'm sorry he has such a hatred for God. That must hurt you quite a bit, like in a family where there's been a rift between two members and everyone else has to miss the person who's been banished. It seems clear that you love this man very much, and personally I have to believe that God would acknowledge that even if the world doesn't. |
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NudeFoodFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
433 Posts
Heide
Benton City
WA
433 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2009 : 10:07:13 AM
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I agree with Amie.
Is there a way you could just go to court and change your name? If those things you listed upset him, those are easy to change (most of it just takes a signature on a paper, would he be so freaked out about just signing it?)
I feel for both of you. Marriage is such a disposable tradition in america, and costly. How sad that he has so much distress over this and none of it is a reflection on you. He obviously loves you and is tramatized from this disfuntional previous marriage. Your heart is so big, to be so secure in yourself and your relationship and keep at it (I doubt I woulda been makin him dinner after a day gone like that).
I know faith and God is hard when we each believe differently. Your relationship sounds a lot like mine, where I am the optimist, hopeful and he is more "realistic."
I read in a book once that the most important marriage in anyone's life is the one to oneself. You should have a cermony for yourself! Write vows to yourself of how you will love, honor, respect and always be faithful to yourself! I know it sounds a little funny, but why not? Are we not all alone together in this world comin in and goin out. You could invite just him to your celebration of yourself.
It sounds like to me, that you two need to lighten up and laugh together and stop freakin out. Play and Pretend (do any legal stuff you need to to protect yourself, but don't let that define your love).
I know this is extremely heavy serious stuff, I am not trying to belittle you and your emotions at all. I just want to remind you that ultimately it is about you first, your kids second, him (if you want it to be) and then all the others. His family and their rude actions don't count. Don't let their opinions of what your bond is define you. His x and all that baggage (throw it out the window, while letting the cool breeze in). Let the past go. . .
Maybe when he sees how well your marriage is going to yourself, maybe then he will take himself less seriously and join you.
I really hope the best for you Aunt Clemy (Im imagining you in the most beautiful dress, drinkin lemonade with a sprig of mint, with flowers in your hair, swingin on the porch watchin the wheat grow).
Blessings,
h
Nude Food Farm
~Grown so good,
Dressing is Optional. |
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2009 : 10:21:35 AM
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It appears to me that you are the one who does the loving and giving.  He is being very childish and selfish. Anger outbursts like you describe and words he says are emotional and mental abuse. He is using his bitterness to control others not caring who he hurts. My heart goes out to you. 
Linda
in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71
"WELL BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY"
(The Junk Gypsy) |
Edited by - yarnmamma on May 29 2009 10:28:37 AM |
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NudeFoodFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
433 Posts
Heide
Benton City
WA
433 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2009 : 10:26:33 AM
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Linda, well said.
h
Nude Food Farm
~Grown so good,
Dressing is Optional. |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2009 : 11:49:11 AM
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| Linda (Aunt Clemy's Farm Girl), that last post of yours paints a much more disturbing picture of what's going on. I wouldn't go so far as to call your man abusive, but angry outbursts and staying in bed all day are reactions that are way out of proportion to the issue. It truly sounds as though there is something wrong. He sounds depressed. Is there any chance he would be willing to see a counselor or a physician and talk about this? Totally separate from the question of whether you get married or not, I would strongly advise it just for his own well being. |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2009 : 12:08:11 PM
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yep...I'm with Amie on this one (and Linda and Heide). Initially, I just felt he had some emotional baggage, but now it seems that there are more serious underlying issues with him. Control is a major one.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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AmethystRose
True Blue Farmgirl
254 Posts
Rosemary
Huntingdon
PA
USA
254 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2009 : 2:03:56 PM
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Linda, it seems that you have had a marriage for ten years, but he does not want to call it that for his own deep seated reasons, and if you want to call it a marriage, he reacts in a way upsettting to you.
Legally, you are in a pickle, and you know it. It's more than just the house. That is a sign that the ex is still in control. If he had a medical emergency, you have no legal standing, and it seems to me that his family would do all that it could to keep it that way. Is it possible that his family's attitude towards him as well as you is a major contributing factor? If so, does he admit it?
You may never get anything in public from this man that would come under your concept of romance, but he is offering to take a legal step in your favor. I don't want to sound cold and detached, but it might be the first positive step.
Only you can be the judge of his attitude towards you. Is he respectful and honest? Have you had more good days than bad in the past ten years?
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - May 30 2009 : 03:50:28 AM
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I believe here in NC after cohabitating with someone for over 5 years it becomes known as a common law marriage. I think.
Sounds like you guys ARE married, you just need the special paper to say so and satisfy the legalitites in case something should happen medically.
I would think that after 10 yeas, there haven't been many surprizes, and the trust factor ought to already be there. But it sounds like he hasn't let go of the past, and YOU are the one paying the price for someone elses mistake.
It's just about every girls dream to have a wedding of SOME kind. With some there is way to much pomp. But for you just to even desire a small ceremony and to celebrate with frineds and family, sounds like you are being denied something so basic and simple.
And yea, it IS a control issue.
IF this partner of yours cared so much about YOU, it wouldn't need to be such an issue in the first place.
Sounds like after 10 years he is still angry at the world too.
And may I suggest a bit of marriage counseling or just plain counseling BEFORE you decide to do anything. Issues may come out. Issues that in the end MAY just be deal breakers.
You should never deny yourself the happiness you deserve.
I have been a victim of domectic violence, and lemme tell you, it manifests itself in many ways, including verbal and mental abuse.
And ultimately, any caring, loving "man" would want to put your desires above his own.
And lastly, not to get biblical on you, but there is a passage of scripture that says something about being unequally yoked. (as in ox carrying an uneven load and what a strain and more burdensom it is- but more to the point, how it relates to potential life mates).
When God is the third leg if the triangle, it's the bond that holds a marriage together(usually) through the good and bad times. W/o it, there is nothing, which could be whay this has been such a struggle.
Hope this helps and hasn't offended you |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - May 30 2009 : 4:16:34 PM
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I must also agree with the other girls and say that this sounds like a control issue. Does he feel like if he signs the marriage certificate that he is also signing away all his control since you will be his "equal" in owning the house, etc.? Staying in bed all day and having to be coaxed to eat or having extreme anger is not a response that your request should provoke.
I see it this way...if he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you then even if he sees a marriage certificate as being silly or unneeded he would just gladly go along with it to make you happy. It won't hurt him any to say a few vows and get legally married and it will make you happy. Seriously, if my husband said it would make him so happy to go jump up and down around a tree and yell "I Love you" I would do it. It may sound like a stupid thing to me but I would do it to make him happy and it wouldn't hurt me in the least bit to do it. It sounds more like he doesn't want what comes along with marriage...as in the legal aspects that what he has now will also be yours. Please don't take that the wrong way, as you know him and we don't but I'm just taking a guess as to what I've read in your posts. If he is already commited to you for a lifelong commitment there is no harm in signing a marriage certificate. To have such extreme anger at the thought of even getting married and avoiding any marriage situation (weddings, tv shows of weddings, etc.) sounds like there is a much bigger problem.
I, personally, could not be in such a long relationship without the "final" commitment. I actually do think of marriage as a very solid, special, and spiritual bond. I do not take my marriage vows lightly and believe them with all my heart. Hubby and I have been married for 8 years. I think your husband is actually scared of something that "marriage" could bring. Many hugs to you and just know that we are here to listen. We may never have a perfect answer but we are on your side!
-Elizabeth |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - May 30 2009 : 5:22:17 PM
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I am afraid it is dangerous to comment on such a personal issue, so I am almost afraid to speak out here...
Your situation sounds a little bit like my daughter's. She is 28, expecting her second child, has just graduated from college, same "fiance" since she graduated from high school. He doesn't want a church wedding, he was raised in a fundamentalist family and rejected their views early on.
She doesn't really care but is afraid to upset me. They would have gotten married years ago but for me. They wanted a beach wedding and we could watch it via internet connection. This bothered me, and I told them so.
I am afraid my own views come down heavily on the side of having a ceremony in the church (as a Christian) even if there are only 5 or 10 guests. The wedding vows are not only a promise between the husband and wife, they are also a promise of the community to support them in their marriage, and an invitation for God to participate in the marriage. It is also a formal recognition by the community that they are really and truly married in the eyes of the community and of God.
I personally had two church weddings - the first was a farce, my ex-husband did what he had to do to get married to me, and I was so young, naive, and self-centered I didn't see it. The pastor who gave us counseling didn't have any real insight into our relationship, he was just going through the motions. My ex-husband never gave up a previous girlfriend, and it took me 10 years to find out. I got a wedding, and it was just the way I planned it, but I didn't get a "HUSBAND"...
The second marriage is a true relationship, and I think much stronger because of our shared Christian faith. We invited the Lord to be the "third" person in our marriage and I believe that we are a much stronger couple because of it. We had a small church wedding and invited significant people in our lives.
Like others, I am also concerned to hear that your significant other "took to bed" when you told him you wanted a ceremony. I think this does signify serious emotional immaturity, and you should definitely be wary of legally yoking yourself to such a person.
I can't give you advice about your personal situation but only hope that the situation is resolved soon. I will keep you in my prayers.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
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Quintessential Kate
True Blue Farmgirl
175 Posts
Kate
Tyler
TX
USA
175 Posts |
Posted - May 31 2009 : 06:17:04 AM
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hmmmmmmmmm....let me see if I have this right.
He married the first gal because.....ooooops, she got pregnant. And come to find out, it seems that abortion was or might still be her preferred method of birth control. And then they got a divorce, but she still has "control" over some of the marriage assets. I'm now wondering WHY that marriage failed???!!! Which of the two initiated the divorce? Also....how many children did that union produce?
He's seems to holding on waaay too tight.....and I don't want to be a party pooper, but I'm wondering if there are still some feelings stirring. Please don't take that as anything but wondering....as it has been something I have been thinking about as I read what you have written about the situation.
This is just MY opinion and is not intended to hurt any feelers......BUT, here goes...
Run honey...........run as fast as your little feet can carry you. You have put your life on hold and have been captive to a "CONTROL FREAK" for waaaaay too long. Long enough, that I don't think you remember what life was like before having this weight put upon you. I understand you love him....but out there somewhere is someone who is willing to love you back and put you on a pedistal and bend over backwards to make you happy. And that being said....that same someone to whom you are willing to do the same. Life is way too short to wait around for someone to get out of bed and eat because they are pissed off.....and way too short to play second fiddle to an ex who still has "control" over the roof over your head. Way too short to feel slighted and not as loved as you NEED to be. Too short to let someone else have control over your HAPPINESS....(although, ultimately, YOU actually have the control over YOUR HAPPINESS.
I'm just curious.....did he "controll" the ex wife to the point of divorce? I am worried that you are being verbally abused at the very least...and also mentally abused.
Please don't take offense in what I have said.....I say it only out of concern for one of my fellow Farm Girl SISTERS. I encourage you to go to counseling...you yourself...even if for only one session and see what the counselor might think of the situation.
You will be in my prayers.
Ciao, Kate
Heart of Texas
Chapter
AKA: Hot Farmgirl #234
http://quintessentialkate.blogspot.com
Today is my best day! |
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - May 31 2009 : 06:50:58 AM
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I have to say now that when asked for an opinion then it is ok to give it...simple as that.
It takes courage to say it exactly how we see it...all we know is your side, Linda, and our job is to help and support you by sharing our experiences and perspectives and opinions.
I agree most whole heartedly with Kate. I have to also say that the hardest thing I have ever did in my life was to leave a controlling man. It was painfully hard...but in time well worth it. I have self esteem that I had never know before. I was 55 years old before I was able to live alone and support myself and refuse to let a man control me. We even had a small adopted child to share and I did it while standing my ground and hanging onto the encouragement of a local free Women's Resource Center and women in support groups.
Thank you Linda, for giving us the honor of being your supportive sisters. I will keep you in my prayers.
Keep us posted and know above all else that you are loved by God and by your Farmgirl sisters!!
Linda
in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71
"WELL BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY"
(The Junk Gypsy) |
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Family Matters: Clear |
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