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Family Matters:  I am so mad I could spit nails at him!!!  |
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lisamarie508
True Blue Farmgirl
2648 Posts
Lisa
Idaho City
ID
USA
2648 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 11:06:30 AM
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Ok, I'm trying really hard to let go of this anger but it's been very difficult and it's all I can do not to go buy a pack of smokes and smoke the whole darn thing!
The divorce is over, he not only left the house, he left the state and went to Oregon. All well and good, right? Should be, except for what he took with him. He took all of dd awards, trophies and her memory box. He took my jean jacket with my MJ Sisterhood patch on it, my personal journal, ALL of the family photos and photo albums including the baby pics of MY kids (previous marriage), the layout sheet of my baskets in MJ's book that she had given me and I had framed, my rosary, my cross necklace, the step stool dd made me with mom carved into the middle of a heart on it and my family bible with my mom's funeral flowers pressed in it.
I'm not nearly as upset over dd stuff as she is. I'm more upset that he upset her by taking her personal things that she's been saving since kindergarten. I suppose I can replace the rosary even though it was a gift and the necklace. MJ might not have a problem replacing my sisterhood patch but she probably doesn't have that layout photo anymore. I guess it's really the journal, which is a very private thing in my eyes; the baby pics that can never be replaced and my bible that upset me the most.
I keep telling myself that they are just things and to let it go, but it upsets me no end every time I think about it. I'm filing contempt charges as it was ordered in the divorce that I get back all of my personal items in his possession and all items in dd's room. Probably the only thing that will accomplish is to keep him out of state and away from me, which is also a good thing. I suppose I can't have it all my way and should be grateful I'm still here and that he's gone. But, ooooooooooh!
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog:
http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
My apron website:
http://lisamariesaprons.bravehost.com |
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electricdunce
True Blue Farmgirl
2544 Posts
Karin
Belmont
ME
USA
2544 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 11:14:14 AM
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I am so sorry to hear of your problems with your ex. Sounds like a real horror show. Divorce is hard enough ( I speak from experience) without this kind of behavior. I was lucky, I stayed friends with my ex until he died. He was a great guy, just difficult to live with after a certain point.
Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com |
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dkelewae
True Blue Farmgirl
1310 Posts
Diana
Saint Peters
MO
USA
1310 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 11:37:46 AM
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(((Lisa))) I'm so sorry that he stooped low enough to take all of your family momentos. Do you think he might have done this to use them as some sort of bargaining chip before the divorce became final? I don't know what kind of relationship your dd has with him, but do you think if she appealed to him he might return the items?
I'll be praying for you that you get peace and release from your ex soon!
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #272
St. Peters MO
Country Girl trapped in the city!
http://farmgirldreams.blogspot.com/ |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 12:46:03 PM
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That's pretty low of him all right. Guess he wants to feel like he's still holding something hostage?
I would certainly try to get them back. Is there any kind of court order that would let you go to his new residence with a police officer and retrieve the items? |
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Betty J.
True Blue Farmgirl
1403 Posts
Betty
Pasco
WA
USA
1403 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 12:58:12 PM
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I can feel your anger LisaMarie. I can relate to you, sort of. I think you are absolutely right that you can replace most of the stuff and that he is gone. I was contacted last week (by letter) by my second husband and he made me so mad I just shredded the letter. He caused me no end of $$$ grief. Maxed out my credit card which I had to pay off, didn't pay his income tax which I had to pay, defrauded the government and stole from a private individual. I ask myself why would I want to talk with him ever again?
Take one baby step after another and in time most of those things will be forgotten or replaced with happier memories with your DD.
Betty in Pasco |
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gramadinah
True Blue Farmgirl
3557 Posts
Diana
Orofino
ID
USA
3557 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 2:29:53 PM
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At least he is gone.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #273 |
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Especially For You
True Blue Farmgirl
541 Posts
Tina
Watkinsville
GA
541 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 2:52:49 PM
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Lisa,
I am sending you hugs and I wish I knew what I could do to help. I just know he is doing this because it pisses you off!!!
Do you still have the negitives for the pic? or does someone else have a copy of them? Have you talked to your lawyer? I know you probably have thought about all of this. My second husband was a jerk just like yours!! Let me know if I can do anything for you.
Tina Farmgirl #455 |
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 3:01:05 PM
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I imagine he took them just to piss you off , so the best thing is to let it go because otherwise he has won. By not letting him get the best of you he just can't win and control you anymore. I know this is hard because I am divorced too but try hard to just let it go ... Hugs to you to help you just try and relax and let it out.
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
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lisamarie508
True Blue Farmgirl
2648 Posts
Lisa
Idaho City
ID
USA
2648 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 3:32:20 PM
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Well, you gals were right. He's holding this stuff hostage! I stopped talking to him after I got wind that he was telling everybody in town and the kids that I "turned" gay and left him for a woman (late January)! No offense to gays. I'm not belittling anyone here. It's simply not the truth. The first time I heard it, I laughed. The second time...yeah, ok, very funny. Every time after that...ok, not funny anymore and you all can just knock it off now. Well, dd stopped talking to him during her Christmas break because every time she talked to him all he did was gripe about me. She didn't want to hear it any more and hung up on him and hasn't taken another call from him since (even though he leaves anywhere from 3 to 21 messages on her phone). I talked to her about it at first to try to patch things up between them (I had a feeling she was not telling me something). Then she started getting upset with me talking to her about talking to her dad and told me the details of what he'd said to her (which I won't repeat - it was awful). So, I don't even mention it anymore. Well, one of the last messages he left on her phone (I had to change my number) he told her he would mail back each item one at a time if we talked to him and kept talking to him. DD flat out told me that even though she was upset over losing her stuff, she was not going to give in to his blackmail. I felt the same way which, is probably another reason I'm so mad...I want them back but, I'm not willing to play his games.
I'm not sure if I could go to another state with a copy of the decree and retreive them. I think he's staying with his sister but, I'm not positive. I know he's not in NY, PA, OH, or IA as he has said in various voice messages but, is in fact, in Oregon. In the same city as his sister (he screwed up in one of his games). So, he's probably wooing her with all his money to let him stay there so she can take care of him!
I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens.
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog:
http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
My apron website:
http://lisamariesaprons.bravehost.com |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 3:45:03 PM
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I would talk to an advocate for women's rights. You ex is abusing you Emotionally. I think he could be accountable to return your things. What a Creep! *hugs* Can you write to the ex sil? Maybe she can return those things. Do not erase his messages before talking to someone about the blackmailing..
Cheryl
Farmgirl #309
Klamath Falls "Charming Chicks Chapter" Mother Hen
Almost daily posts at:
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Come visit the barn at http://barndoorcreations.blogspot.com/
Grandmas are mom's with more icing. |
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4737 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4737 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 3:53:04 PM
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I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. I hope his conscience gets to him and he returns everything he took. In the mean time, can friends and relatives give back to you any baby photos you had given them of your kids? I hope everything works out for you.
Dawn in IL |
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82kygal
True Blue Farmgirl
548 Posts
Laura
Somerset
Kentucky
USA
548 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 6:27:08 PM
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Oh my goodness Lisa! Call me so we can catch up or e-mail me your new number is it the same as you sent me cuz I think it got deleted. I can not belive this!! Well ok I guess I can, but really.
On a better note I spent the day with Miss Wima, what a wonderful day. We really need to get you here for the fall gathering.
Hang in there I love ya.
Laura
With God, all things are possible. (Mark 10:27)
What ever you are, be a good one. (Abe Lincoln) |
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graciegreeneyes
True Blue Farmgirl
3107 Posts
Amy Grace
Rosalia
WA
USA
3107 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 6:44:58 PM
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Sounds like some things my ex pulled when I split up with him, very vindictive and manipulative (my ex is a major alcoholic, I think you said yours is too) and stooping to try to involve your dd is so low. So sorry you are dealing with this - good luck with it all. I'll be thinking about you
Amy Grace
Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without"
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lisamarie508
True Blue Farmgirl
2648 Posts
Lisa
Idaho City
ID
USA
2648 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 6:48:36 PM
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Love you girls! Boy, did I speak too soon. He's back in town. Our postmistress saw him when she closed the post office and just as I was leaving work she stopped in there to warn me and then went on to let everyone else in town know. I don't know what he's up to but, I'm locked down in the house with a walkie talkie from a neighbor and my dogs and gun...just in case. The cops are aware of it too. If he came back to return our things (does he have a conscience?) or he thinks he can do something else; I don't know yet. But I'm not going out to find out. I'm so stressed I can feel my face getting itchy-rashy.
OH, and Cheryl, an officer will be stopping by to record the 20+ messages I saved. Evidence for the stalking case they're working up.
I will call you shortly, Laura. I'm glad you had a great day with Miss Wilma. Looks like I'll be coming through in August, though. I won't be able to make her fall shindig. I'll just stop in to visit you all one by one on the way back here from NY.
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog:
http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
My apron website:
http://lisamariesaprons.bravehost.com |
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 8:14:13 PM
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Oh My gosh. Please say safe. and it is a good thing the officer is going to come by and tape those messages. My daughter had a stalker once and it was hard to prove but he started calling and work and that is how they caught it on tape and she was able to take him court , but it is scarey. Please call the cops at the first sign of anything. My thoughts and prayers are with you...
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 8:24:00 PM
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Sending big hugs Lisa Marie! And stay safe! I have a vindictive and manipulative ex too. I'm glad you aren't playing his nasty games. Holding your precious things for "ransom" is just plain mean and immature.
Blessing to you and your daughter.
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
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Laura Marie
True Blue Farmgirl
419 Posts
Laura
Rancho Cordova
California
USA
419 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 8:45:40 PM
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Lisa Marie,
My thought are with you. I know materialistic things are just that, but they mean a lot to us in some sort of way. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you out. If I had another denim jacket it I would send it your way, but I don't. I'm sure everything will come full circle and its a good thing you have enough people around you who knows what is going on and are looking out for you!
Farm Girl Hugs!
Laura Marie #369
www.lauramariedesign.com
"It's not the size of the farm but the size of your heart!"
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 11:12:40 PM
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Lisa Marie- Idaho courts might find that they have Jurisdiction over him even in Oregon or where ever because he is in contempt of court order of the state of Idaho. I certainly would file those charges against him. The court is not going to be happy!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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mulegirl
True Blue Farmgirl
184 Posts
rosemary
cottonwood pass
co
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2009 : 06:01:19 AM
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Dear Lisa,
I am sorry you are experiencing this. Your ex is trying his best to get back at you for whatever reasons and knows exactly what pisses you off the most. It is so sad we as humans have not evolved more than to play these stupid games. Right now, as hard as it may seem, it would be good to protect you and your daughter's soul from all this negativity. Walk away from his games. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do, but find something good and positive to take your mind off this. Can you go visit relatives somewhere? Start a new journal of day one of yournew better happier healthier life and dreams and wishes. Show your daughter you are a strong powerful survivor!
Get JEWEL's CD "stronger woman" and play it alot. Get your heart to a safe place and feel the love and support from all of us. This all will pass and someday you may even feel sympathy and foregiveness for you ex as he is not evolved enough to be good enough for your high standards. It is sad he has to act like a wounded animal. I take that back, animals are more thoughtful than the mean negativity he is trying to put on you. Don't be his victim. Wish him the best as he obviously needs lots of help, move on and don't look back. You will always have the good memories of your stuff, write about the reasons they made your heart smile in your new journal, and start collecting new physical and mental memories. You will a better stonger women from all this!
My best, Rosemary
smile, follow your heart and don't look back
http://web.mac.com/rosemaryart |
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lisamarie508
True Blue Farmgirl
2648 Posts
Lisa
Idaho City
ID
USA
2648 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2009 : 06:05:54 AM
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That's good to know, Alee! I'm still waiting to see exactly why he's back in town. I'm really hoping he does this the easy way and I am still adamant about not participating in his little games. His mind is so twisted...one of the messages he left on my work phone this past weekend, he was going on and on about how we are meant to be together and he just knows that I still love him and I just need to come to my senses and stop listening to everybody else. Actually, I came to my senses last December when I left! I just hate it that he thinks I don't have a mind of my own and can really think for myself. Those last messages were just too creepy which is why I pushed the officer into getting the paperwork done for the stalking charge. Will let you all know how things go today.
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog:
http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
My apron website:
http://lisamariesaprons.bravehost.com |
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Contrary Wife
True Blue Farmgirl
2164 Posts
Teresa Sue
Tekoa
WA
USA
2164 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2009 : 06:27:57 AM
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Lisa please be careful, it sounds like he is over the edge. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
Planting Zone 3
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
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lisamarie508
True Blue Farmgirl
2648 Posts
Lisa
Idaho City
ID
USA
2648 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2009 : 06:52:33 AM
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Rosemary, you are sooooo right. I'm trying to get myself to that point. I don't really have any relatives left...except for a friends family here who adopted me and all of you! You're right, I can start another journal...a good positive journal instead of one full of anger and tears. My kids are more important than any of that stuff. The example I set for them is always on my mind. Even mom's funeral flowers...she's been gone almost 25 years, now...maybe it's time to let her go, too. It's just so hard to do. I will keep your words in mind and try harder...
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog:
http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
My apron website:
http://lisamariesaprons.bravehost.com |
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mulegirl
True Blue Farmgirl
184 Posts
rosemary
cottonwood pass
co
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2009 : 08:21:59 AM
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Lisa,
I'm very proud of you for thinking you can try harder. You can. I know you are a very tough, strong woman, I feel that in you. Do not let him pull you down. Life has too many beautiful people and experiences waiting for you and your daughter. Start you positive journel today. You don't have to let your mom go. She is fighting for you to be positive and resilliant. The happy ones who are full of joy are the winners. It is spring and time for new growth fight the negativity with all you have and go hug and tell your daughter you both are ok and will be.
I'm sending you a huge doseof good thoughts.
Rosemary
smile, follow your heart and don't look back
http://web.mac.com/rosemaryart |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
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Jami
True Blue Farmgirl
1238 Posts
Jami
Ellensburg
WA
USA
1238 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2009 : 08:59:28 AM
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Lisa, my heart started pounding thinking of you there locked inside like that.
I hope things are going better. You are such a trooper! I am so proud of you for being so level-headed and not a pushover but being practical and thinking of your safety. I like that you are not afraid to call in the "big guns" when you need them using the law and so forth. You are one smart cookie. And I'm amazed you stopped smoking during all of this stress! You rock, girl.
Take care of yourself.
Jami in WA
Farmgirl Sister #266
http://woolyinwashington.wordpress.com/
http://farmhouseflair.etsy.com |
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StarMeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
940 Posts
T
MI
940 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2009 : 10:01:01 AM
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I'm thinking you need some "burly" friends who can make an "night" visit to get your stuff back and "encourage" him not to hang out around you. I'm not usually the a kick-butt kinda gal but that kind of crap makes me cranky!!!! OK...so that was said in a rash of crankiness and you are right to use the police as your back-up...but geez!!!! It just makes me boil to think that you have to be afraid in your own home, community, neighborhood. It's not the stuff...believe me...we can always get new "stuff" but it's the whole peace of mind thing! grrrrr.
Get some pepper spray and stay safe! |
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Family Matters: I am so mad I could spit nails at him!!! |
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I am so mad I could spit nails at him!!!
