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Barnyard Buddies:  Honestly, I am tired of the dog.. UPDATE  |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 3:11:58 PM
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A little background...Chloe, our boxer, was my hubbies before I met him. He was married and let her with the ex while he joined the military and divorced her. In 2005, he wanted to get the dog back. Now, I never had a dog before and I had my reservations. But he so loves this dog, so after some LONG talks, he went and rescued her. She was skinny, had so much dirt between her pads, sores, you name it, the ex could have been hauled off for animal abuse and neglect. Well, 2 weeks after she came to live with us, Scott left for 3 weeks onboard ship. I was pregnant and had to give Chloe 2 pills a day, a bath every other day and monitor her poop and food intake. I did this without hesitation but when hubby came home, he slacked on taking care of her and me, with my big old felt bad for her heart, still tended to her needs (mind you I was even more pregnant and still in the military at the time, working 8 hours shifts in the middle of night.) I complained to DH and he would do a little her and there and then slack again. Over the past 3 years, I have honestly been the one to do just about everything for her. If I ask Scott to give her a bath or clean up the poop, it is always "Give me 2 minutes" and then nothing. I walk her everyday, he has taken her ONCE in 3 years. This dog has costs us over $7,000 in medical bills and putting up a fenced yard for her, along with monthly food and medicine and yearly visits to the vet for shots. She has had a urinary problem on and off over the past year and honestly, we cannot afford to take her to the vet and even more honestly, I thinkyou can only do so much for an animal and I refuse to take food off the table to pay for the dog, especially when this happens every few weeks. Each time before has been at least $300 a pop. She has completely ruined the couch we now have and ruined our other loveseat, and as recent as yesterday she had a trickle accident and I had to rip the cushions off and the only thing I can do is leave them out in the sun since they are non-washable. I have tried every cleaner and freshener out there. Nothing kills the smell. I try to train her to stay off the couch but she then went into our bedroom and jumped on the bed. She has ruined 2 comforters before and I am honestly just tired of it. The only time I saw hubby actually cry was when Chloe had an episode with her urine and he was like "We don't deserve such a good dog. We don't take care of her like we should" WE??? WE???? I was so mad and yes, we have gone round and round about this. I hardly think he can include me in saying I don't take care of the dog. With me going back to work and hubby gone for at least 7 months, I just can't deal with it anymore nor do I want to worry about it why I am at work. I want a nice, clean house or as nice and clean as I can with a toddler but the dog is like a second child, especially when she can't pick up after herself and I am the only one who does. I can't just let her fend for herself but I have refused to feed and take care of her for a week when hubby was home and DH had a hissy fit. I have thought of trying to find someone with a farm who could let her run and take care of her, at least until hubby gets back but so far, no bites on that. She is great for protection but honestly, I don't think it has been fair nor is it fair that hubby doesn't do a darn thing for her. I wish I could explain it better.
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
Edited by - catscharm74 on Apr 19 2008 05:50:37 AM |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 3:26:13 PM
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Have you sat down and truely discussed this with your husband? You could start by saying how you care a lot for her but you just don't want to be a dog owner so if he wants to keep her he should step up, at least when he is home. Is there any type of medicine or doggie diapers that could keep her dry? I don't have a lot of advice but your husband should not be putting all the responsibilty on you if it is he that wants the dog. When he is home he should be walking her, feeding her, and cleaning up after her.
-Elizabeth |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 3:35:00 PM
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Problem #1- Hubby left for deployment Sunday
Problem #2- We had discussed this many times and yes, even argued. I had BIG reservations over getting a pet. I lived with many pets growing up and I love, love, love animals but feel until we had the proper home, we should wait. I told him I would not be a babysitter but you know how we farmgals are..heart is bigger than common sense sometimes. I like playing with animals, but I just am not that into them. Sorry, I had to take care of a lot of pets growing up, all on my own, hauling 50lb bags of food, hay bails, building homes for them, cleaning up after them, taking them to the vet. I loved it when I was younger, but now with a toddler, college, internship, work, and wanting a life where I can go more than 3 hours without having to worry would be nice. This summer, I actually have to take a class up at the college with a lab and then my internship, I will be gone from 7 in the morning until 4-5 at night. Hubby knew this was coming and that things were going to get hectic.
Hubby also promised me when Charlie hit 2, I could take more time for myself and one thing I want to learn to do is learn how to golf. Yes golf!! But I can't have a normal life while I am attached to the paw with the dog....
I have discusses a dog sitter or finding someone to take her, even during the day. I would actually pay because that is how much I care. Hubby doesn't want to hear such things. I feel this is really unfair. I am a Mom but I deserve to move on with my life too.
Problem #3- We get medicine, give it to her, costs us $$$ and a week later, she is sick again or having problems. The doc at least agreed with me that we should just let her live comfortably without medical intervention, since this is round 10 or 11 with health problems,but hubby got upset at that answer. I think she got sick when the ex had her and coupled with her being 8 years old, I think it is just natural progression.
I am trying to do the right thing but I know hubby hated the idea of every losing her and I don't know how to deal with that. It is a just a dog but it is his dog too and I understand both sides.
I tried to come up with a solution before he left and honestly, we were at a stand still. I now feel since I am responsible for 99% of the decisions around here, I should do what I feel is best. Plus, everytime I mention she is not healthy, he gets mad at me and actually told me "Why don't you just take her out and shoot her???!!!" Um..yeah...you see what I am dealing with..
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
Edited by - catscharm74 on Apr 11 2008 4:19:43 PM |
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 4:06:00 PM
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Heather We had a Doberrman with a similar bladder issue and the vet recommended giving her benedryl every four hours and it worked. Sorry that you are having this problem.
Hugs, Kathy |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 4:12:51 PM
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Hmm..how much Benadryl did you give her? I suppose it is the drying out factor of the medication. I would worry about dehydration here in Texas.
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 4:32:23 PM
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Heather- Does she have hormone related incontinence? Sky-Dog has that and she is on a hormone pill that costs us about $40 every 2-3 months and it has completely stopped her piddling.
I would suggest buying a crate for a large dog. You can get a supper big size (St. Bernard Size) at PetCo on sale for around $120. I like the coated wire crates. Sky loved hers until we gave it away (Dumb mistake!) and we would just throw a table cloth over it and we had an extra table!
Then when you are gone, keep her crated. I have even seen people do a dog-door with one of the crate doors open to the dog door so the dog could go outside, but was contained if they wanted to be inside.
That way you can control where she is when you aren't home, save your furniture and house from dog messes.
I hate to say it, but 8 years old is middle to late years for a boxer the size of Chloe. Depending on her health I would just make her comfortable like you and the vet discussed earlier. If hubby isn't part of taking care of the dog- it really isn't his dog any more.
You saved Chloe from a horrible life, but always being sick and always being in trouble because of leaking isn't a good life for a dog. *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
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bboopster
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Betty Jo
West Bend
Wisconsin
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 5:12:35 PM
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Heather, It is hard to get rid of a pet, but if your try to make it work and it does not. I do believe we owe it to them to find them the best care possible. Now I really do not mean to offend anyone but, sometimes pets do not work out and we should not keep them just because. It might be hard. Pray on it and the answer will come.
http://www.bboopster.blogspot.com
3 Blue Star Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 5:30:27 PM
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Betty Jo- I do agree with you there.I just never agreed to full time care except when he was out to sea a few weeks at at time and he was not supposed to deploy. He was the third man on the list and the first 2 fell out so off he goes, so that is understandable. If I just could get him to understand she is really an old dog- in the dog world. Most people I know have dogs that maybe last 8-11 years, even with super duper care.
Alee-I understand the whole crate thing but crating her for 8 hours of more is just awful sounding to me!!! That is the major problem. I will write more on a few issues I am having with my relationship right now, but part of the problem that was supposed to be solved was the dog. Hubby thinks that now he is deploying, I am supposed to put my life on hold and that is honestly hard to do with college, as I am in classes that are sequenced by semester. I will write about all of this later.
I am praying I find someone local with an old farm, maybe even an older gentleman looking for companionship. Even if I could leave her during the week while I was in school and interning- doggie daycare????? Sheesh!! I know in all reality, she is getting old and sick and I accept that. Believe me, I cried over more of my poor little animals when they went to heaven than I can count. It is a decision based on heart and not wanting a critter to suffer.
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 5:55:12 PM
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Heather- 8 hours is about the limit you should crate, but it can be done. It is equivalent to sleeping at night, and Chloe will probably lay down and go to sleep. Another thing you could consider is, instead of a crate, you could put her in the laundry room or a bathroom with a tile floor so that if she does piddle- it won't be on your couch.
If you can find a good replacement home for her, that is great, but until then, I know you will make a difficult situation work. You a genius at that, Heather! I know you love Chloe, and I know how hard it can be to have a big burden placed on your shoulders like an aging sick dog. You have a huge time crunch between school, Charlie and work.
Is your current yard fenced? Could you install a doggie door and then use a baby gate to keep her out of the living are with the bedroom doors closed? Just some brainstorming ideas :D
Also, bones from the butcher are a great way to salve the guilty feeling about leaving a dog home alone :D I think they often want us to leave so they get their juicy bone!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 6:52:10 PM
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No fenced yard. Part of the problem with finding out that hubby was leaving so fast was trying to find a roof over our heads, sight unseen and one that takes dogs. I could put her in the bathroom but we tried that before, except it was a large laundry room and she tore up the door. If should would just stay on one piece of furniture, I would give it to her. But we desperately need a couch and I know she will be right up on it and I cannot do doggie laundry everyday. I am really running out of ideas and energy. Time is ticking and I can't brainstorm!!!
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 6:58:19 PM
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Heather It was one Benedryl every four hours, at night I just gave her one before we went to bed. We were living in a very hot part of Southern California at that time and we didn't have any problems with dehydration.
Hugs, Kathy |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 7:00:31 PM
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Thanks Kathy!! I may give it a go!!!
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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Farmtopia
True Blue Farmgirl
1465 Posts
Zan
New York
New York
USA
1465 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2008 : 7:05:42 PM
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Heather, I agree with Alee here about the crate. I petsit and dogwalk on the side and a few of my clients have their animals crated when I come to walk them. This could be for anything from nervous peeing, or chewing/messing up furniture, etc. They seem to do very well with the crate, but it may take them a few days to get used to, at first.
I would also SERIOUSLY put my foot down with hubby. I don't mean to be out of line, but he seems to be asking for outrageous compromise on your end. He either needs a petsitter to come in, some sort of crating...SOMETHING has to change. I wish you the best
~*~Dream all you dreamers~*~
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2008 : 03:50:05 AM
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As heartbreaking as it is, Chloe would be better off in a Boxer Rescue situation
Her medical condition could prompt just the right kind of good samaritin out there. Someone w/ a bnig heart and lots of room for the dog to roam.
Neither of you are doing the dog much justice if it causes this much stress |
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mima
True Blue Farmgirl
1573 Posts
1573 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2008 : 06:47:09 AM
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I know I don't mean to sound cold either- but maybe a boxer rescue would be the right thing! Sometimes situaions in your life you just can't take care of your animal the way you should-it's not your fault- just life!!! We had to do that with a couple of dogs once and my kids did'nt even notice they were gone for a week!!!!! And I'm hopeful that they are in much better homes than we were able to provide at the time !!! good luck!
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars,or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Helen Keller |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2008 : 07:45:26 AM
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I was thinking of boxer rescue- maybe they could help me find someone who would take her but let us still see her. Even if I could find help until hubby gets back, that would be a relief.
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4745 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4745 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2008 : 3:19:55 PM
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I agree, time to get rid of the dog. Your husband is not the "owner", you are! If he has a big fit about your having gotten rid of it, have him read what you wrote here about it! I doubt he'll have any defense after that! Good luck on making the right choice for you!
Dawn in IL |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2008 : 3:54:23 PM
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I would have made the same suggestions as Alee about keeping the dog crated or restricting her to a room she can't ruin. I know several people who work full time and keep their dogs crated during the day, on the advice of their vet or trainer. Apparently, it can better for dogs to be crated rather than left to wander around the house alone while nobody's home. Would it be possible for you or someone else to check in during the day to let the dog out for a few minutes, since she does have the bladder issue?
If you really need to, I have heard good things about Boxer rescue. One of my current co-workers fosters rescue boxers with behavioral issues. We're in NY of course, but I think it's a national organization. If you need info, I can ask her anything you are concerned about.
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doglady
True Blue Farmgirl
435 Posts
Tina
Howard
Ohio
USA
435 Posts |
Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 7:54:24 PM
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It's too bad your hubby won't step up to the plate, like he should, and work with you on a solution. But here's my two cents worth - confine the dog using a "very large" crate so that she can lie down, stand up, or turn around in. Many people arrange to come home on their lunch hour or have someone to come in to let the dog out. Or, if you use a utility room or small bathroom, a gate (and not a closed solid door) should be used so that she doesn't become upset and destroy your room because she can't see out. A doggy door would work. An electronic mat placed at the entrance of her room will work too. If the dog steps on the mat to leave, she would get a harmless shock which tells her to stay in the room. Dogs learn pretty fast to stay put. These ideas would keep her in her area.
It would be very hard to place her with her medical condition but the Boxer rescue might be an option. I would find out why she piddles first. If this vet doesn't have a solution, ask for a second opinion. It could be an emotional response as well from simply her previous neglect. I would write all of your options down and their costs and give it to your hubby when he returns and insist that you both come to a solution. I wish you the best.
Tina
You can tell your dog all of your secrets and they'll never say a word!
www.kennelcreations.com |
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Woodswoman
True Blue Farmgirl
512 Posts
Jennifer
Altamont
NY
USA
512 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 7:11:14 PM
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Hello-I just wanted to second the suggestion of seeing a vet about an underlying problem or hormone therapy. I adopted an older female boxer mix-she was peeing (more like leaking) in the house. When we took her to our vet for a check-up, they found she had a bladder infection. Antibiotics helped, but not completely. They then tried a hormone replacement therapy. It worked! And, my vet said this is a pretty common ailment for older, spayed, female, large breed dogs!
Best wishes for both of you.
Jennifer
Jennifer
Farmgirl Sister #104
"Nature brings to every time and season some beauties of its own".
-Charles Dickens |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2008 : 9:49:03 PM
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Just a suggestion...try printing this page out and then showing it to hubby when he gets back and maybe he'll see the light. It's worked on other boards and maybe this will help!
The boxer rescue sounds pretty good to me...bless her heart...
Winona ;-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2008 : 05:55:09 AM
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I had to put my foot down yesterday about the dog. She got into the trash while I was gone and I spent all day cleaning up poop, puke and pee pee from my rugs. Then, this morning, she was acting weird, so I rushed her to the vet. She is basically becoming one of those dogs, due to old age, that is going to either require constant medical attention or just let her be. I chose just let her be. The first vet bill alone would be over $450 just to keep her going for a few extra months. I really can't deal with it anymore and I can't afford it. Hubby blew up at me and I told him, "Well, I am making a family decision and I will not be guilted or forced to do something just because you want to keep your dog alive and for what?" Well, he hung up and so that is stressing me out. He called back and still was basically a jerk and I told him he was being very selfish. It is not fair, with all I already have on my plate to deal with a chronically ill dog. I would be tied to this house, not able to leave for more than 2-3 hours at a time and that is not going to happen with my upcoming schedule.
I am starting to look around for options.
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2008 : 09:00:46 AM
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Heather,
Don't feel bad about the crating. I wrestled with that myself. My dog loves his. I bought his a size bigger than the recommendation so he has plenty of room to stretch out with a toy or two, and his blankies.
After school/work, we leave the door open to it for him in case he wants some space. We know to leave him alone when he is in his "box".
Also, I think the vet is right, let her live comfortably without the medication. You aren't doing her any favors if she is taking meds that make her sick and eventually what if it makes her miserable or in pain?
She also doesn't have much quality of life if you are mad/frustrated with her, so she is in trouble all of the time. Your husband's refusal to face facts and step up means you may have to be the one to take the bull by the horns and do what YOU want and what is also best for Chloe.
If you decide to try the benedryl route, it might make her sleepy, so she will be too tired to care about spending her day in the crate too.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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electricdunce
True Blue Farmgirl
2544 Posts
Karin
Belmont
ME
USA
2544 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2008 : 11:01:42 AM
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It does seem very unreasonable that your husband is being a bit belligerent about this situation, but you have, as you say, plenty on your plate to deal with. It is a tough situation, but you are the one who has to deal with it, so go with your heart.
Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com |
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bboopster
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Betty Jo
West Bend
Wisconsin
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2008 : 2:46:15 PM
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I don't feel it's right to drug her just so you can co-exist with her. Would you want the person in charge of you doing that to you? PLEASE...... Talk to your vet first. You could also cause other issues as benadryl is for humans. They do have large crates out there and maybe you can even find one second hand. One bad thing about a crate, if she messes in it. UGH!!!! they are a pain to clean. Just my opinion. I don't mean to offend anyone. Things like this are so hard when you have to make a decision that affects everyone by yourself. We are here for you!!!! 
http://www.bboopster.blogspot.com
3 Blue Star Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2008 : 4:59:39 PM
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I think, and I may be totally wrong here, but your husband probably knows that she is a sick dog and really just needs to have nature take it's course but he doesn't want to be the one to decide that because then it is on his shoulders. Letting you decide everything means that he can "place the blame" on you when she gets sick or needs to be put to sleep. It is a selfish way to do things but sometimes people do that to avoid the reality of the situation - ignore it and it doesn't exsist, right?!
-Elizabeth |
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Barnyard Buddies: Honestly, I am tired of the dog.. UPDATE |
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Honestly, I am tired of the dog.. UPDATE
