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Family Matters:  I'm back and it's been a BAD spring.  |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 19 2007 : 08:24:55 AM
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Trina-
I just had an idea. You recently told us how you met your husband and how you called him "someone you've got to meet" because that is what everyone kept saying... anyway, I was wondering if writing that story for your husband and saying something like "Do you remember that night?" might help to bring some of the more positive memories forward and help him remember how he used to be? Not sure it it would work or if that would not be the right thing to do? I just have been thinking about you a lot lately and wish I could to more to help you! *hugs!!*
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora! |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2007 : 10:39:29 AM
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Alee--actualy, I have been thinking of writing our story down...there are some really funny memories. I don't know if it would help him though because he DOES remember those good times and it makes his altered reality even more painful. He honestly believes I have turned against him and cannot understand why. I want to write the story for me and the kids and maybe even to help others understand how mental illenss (PTSD or otherwise) can tear a family apart. I have started writting him little notes reminding him that I love him and that I am waiting for him to come back to us so we can be a family again. I am hoping that perhapse he will read one of these notes in a more lucid moment and be moved to accept help.
This morning I had court to retain the restrainging order. I also went to the Clerk of Courts office and got the paper work to petition to be his legal gardian. If I can become his legal gardian, I can sign the paper work to make him accept treatment. This may sound very heartless and morbid, but if things are going to continue as they are the most merciful thing for him would be to die in his sleep. He is heartbroken, tormented, and hopeless. He believes that everybody he loves has turned against him. The man who was once so full of life and energy has compleatly given up on the entire world and his creator. As hard as all this is on the children and I, I know that it is a thousand times harder for him because he honestly believes he is alone.
Ok, I am going to take a nap and then go paint. This morining wiped me out. Thanks for all the love and prayers. I know that God has not left me and the evidence of his love is all around me in my carring friends everwhere.
Trina
http://glitteringgoat.blogspot.com/
If you would know Love, you must know pain too. -Hannah Hurnard |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2007 : 11:52:25 AM
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Hi Trina-
I was thinking that if you wrote down you story (like you said with all the fun and funny memories) from your perspective, then maybe it would help him to see that you still remember those times and still love him, even if you can't be an enabler of his current mental state.
I know you will do what is best for you and your family- You are an AMAZING woman! I hope the paperwork comes through like you need it too!
*Hugs!!*
Alee
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora! |
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MamaHumbird
True Blue Farmgirl
116 Posts
Holly
Cleveland
Missouri
USA
116 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2007 : 9:05:00 PM
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Trina,
I can only imagine what you are going through, but I can pray, like I have been for your situation to get better. You are an amazingly strong women and a fabulous mother to get your family through this the way you have. I wish I was closer to you so that I could help more. You are on my mind constantly and I am continually trying to find ways that I can help you and your family's cause. Please keep your faith in God, he will take care of you, your husband and your family. It may not always seem like the way you would do things, but God has his own way of handling these things sometimes. If there is anything I can do to help you, please don't hesitate to let me know. It is hard for me to sit by and watch a friend in so much pain. Hang in there and remember all your farm girl friends love you and wish you the best.
Holly |
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adrianne
Farmgirl in Training
12 Posts
Adrianne
Vashon Island
WA
USA
12 Posts |
Posted - Jul 23 2007 : 9:15:28 PM
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Trina,
I havn't been on the forum for a really long time, & I was just peeking in to see what everyone was up to when I read your posts. I just couldn't not respond. I know what it's like to have a loved one leave you mentally and it's so hard... My heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers. Don't lose faith. God will surely see you through.
Adrianne |
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cinnamongirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1682 Posts
Carrie
Canada
1682 Posts |
Posted - Jul 25 2007 : 9:53:50 PM
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| I say follow your heart girlfriend you know him best and how he would respond later when he comes back to you. Its hard to make all these tough decisions by yourself, but make sure you take into consideration his families thoughts on this too or you could get bitten. The drugs are never going to take away the nightmares as those from other wars can tell you. Sometime you might want to chat with a vetren that could help you out too! I wish you luck but please make sure you understand it will never be the same as before. Not trying to rain on you just being realistic. |
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suzyhomemaker
True Blue Farmgirl
806 Posts
Clare
Tyler Hill
PA
USA
806 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 06:00:24 AM
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Oh, Corrine, mt heart goes out to you. Here your hubby was doing his job, his service, and he is now going to have to have therapy. I pray it works and he can heal form the inside out. Thank God you have family to be with and to help and comfort all of you.
You know, I do believe God is with us in the hard times. It's jsut hard to beleive we have to live through them. I cried a lot during some tough times. I went to a church where the music was so uplifting and just cried. I was grateful for some members who would just sit by me, put their hands on my shoulders and arms and let me be grieving. It helped make it heal faster, I think. Don't be afraid to let your family help you all out. And please get therapy for yourself and your children if you think they need it.
Country girl in NE PA |
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MamaHumbird
True Blue Farmgirl
116 Posts
Holly
Cleveland
Missouri
USA
116 Posts |
Posted - Aug 02 2007 : 8:19:08 PM
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Trina,
How are you doing? I have been thinking about you and I was just checking in to see what the latest news is.
Holly |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Aug 02 2007 : 8:53:50 PM
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| What a hideous war. It seems to me that your husband is having a perfectly normal human reaction to a perfectly abnormal, inhuman experience. I would be more worried if, after what he's been through, he came home all chipper and ready to take you to a matinee at the Bijou, like nothing had happened. Maybe it'll help a tiny bit, as you struggle to find a way to connect with him, to realize that he wouldn't be in the condition he's in now if he were anything less than a loving person in heart, mind, and soul. That's something to be very proud of. |
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Meg
Moderator/Farmgirl True
974 Posts
Meg
Idaho
USA
974 Posts |
Posted - Aug 02 2007 : 9:17:41 PM
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Oh, Trina, you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Sending you so much farmgirl love.
MaryJane's daughter,
Meg
megan@maryjanesfarm.org |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Aug 02 2007 : 10:40:12 PM
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I have been thinking of you this whole time and hoping the very best for you and your family. It is a nightmare that I hope you will all be out of soon. I am thinking of you and your family and am sending all the love, strength, hope, happiness, wisdom, and courage along with prayers and hopes for a wonderful and healthy happy outcome in the end! Do take care and know you are thought of!
With Loving Hugs,
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 05:20:00 AM
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Hi, girls. I'm still around, just been seperated from my computer for a couple weeks. Moving is a huge mess.
I am getting the run around about getting legal gardianship of my hubby. The Army will only work with Cumberlain county, but since Martin and I are Moore county residents Cumberlain doesn't want to help me. The folks over here in Moore county are split on where the proceeding should occur. Right now I am seriously thinking about quitting and letting God sort things out. I don't know. It seems like there is no GOOD answer. Also, I am to the point where I am feeling very angry about the whole situation. It seems like all the consequences of his actions are coming back on me. I know he's not very happy right now either, but logic doesn't always win out over emotions. I have actualy thougth about divorce a few times, but that wouldn't fix anything. The thing is I love him and miss him and hate him all at the same time. I want to go see him, but last time I went he was angry at me for being there and it just crushed me. Sometimes, I feel like the events of the past year have stolen all the joy of the first 9 years.
Ok, I'm not much for the poor pitiful me stuff...but I just managed to blubber out a bunch of it. Thanks for listening, girls.
Trina
http://glitteringgoat.blogspot.com/
If you would know Love, you must know pain too. -Hannah Hurnard |
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Cheryl
True Blue Farmgirl
919 Posts
Cheryl
Magalia
CA
USA
919 Posts |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 08:00:56 AM
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Hi Trina,
It is very nice to hear from you. You have been on my mind and in my prayers. I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this.
God bless,
Cheryl |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 08:47:05 AM
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Hi Trina--I think a journal might be helpful maybe for your piece of mind. I cannot believe the Army can be so bull-headed. I feel so bad for you. I know on your blog you mentioned the Dave Matthews petition---we should all get on that band wagon. Let us know what we can do. Thanks MB
www.strawberryhillsfarm.blogspot.com
www.day4plus.blogspot.com www.holyhouses-day4plus.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 08:49:18 AM
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Trina, I've been checking this thread since the beginning but I never felt I had anything to add until now. I know what you mean about loving/hating someone at the same time. You're right about divorce not fixing anything, but the illusion of freedom from his problems must be so tempting.
Quitting (a little bit) isn't such a bad idea. It really sounds as though you've done all you can do for now and the ball is in their court. I know it's hard, but try not to run yourself ragged trying to speed up the bureacracy. Maybe all you can do right now is wait. Hang in there. |
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Bluewrenn
True Blue Farmgirl
1122 Posts
Erin
Texas
USA
1122 Posts |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 10:19:50 AM
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Trina - are you and the girls getting any counseling for yourselves? It sounds like it might be in order... Are there any other family groups dealing with the same thing in your area? What about online? Surely there are some post-war counseling services for the family members...While we can pray for you and sympathize and offer our ears for listening, it might be helpful to talk with not only other veterans, like Carrie suggested, but also their families. They might be able to share with you some ideas for coping with all this.
My Homesteading Journal http://toomyvara.livejournal.com
My craft journal http://bluewrenn.livejournal.com
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Aug 03 2007 : 4:30:52 PM
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Ah Trina, blubber and vent anytime you need to. That in itself helps. The frustration of dealing with the very very slow process of dealing with the government can drive any nuts in good times, under all the stress it is one more brick on the pile.
I for one am glad to see you. Your emotions are going to be all over the map with each thing that comes up because you are the one who has the aftermath of his illness. You are the one who has to take care of the bills, the home, the kids, the never ending paperwork, the constant phone calls to deal with it all, and no down time under the stress of it all cause you are the parent right now.
Breath Trina breath, a journal does help, where you write everything, the good the bad and the ugly. Even a few words at a time helps.
Dh had a major trama head injury 17 years ago, and our lives literally changed. I had to be everything. journaling the ups and downs helped. That and punching the darn pillow a lot.....
Praying for you and thinking of you often. Vent away girl. Glad to hear from you.
Carol Sue
Enjoying life. |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2007 : 05:10:50 AM
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Thanks, everybody. I have just got my Tricare approval for councling. The kids have been going since we first got out. I really do need to start journaling agian. I quit when he got so paranoid because he felt there was something sneaky or underhanded about what I was writting. The other night I got so upset that I was screaming and crying at the same time. My sweet step-dad just held me and let me fuss it out, then I felt so much better. If I loose it when mama is around, she takes it personaly and gets upset.
I'm feeling very well this morning. I was in a turmoil yesterday because I didn't know if I should go see him or not, but then I prayed about it and just felt so peaceful. After talking to his family, I came to the conclusion that it probably matters more to me than him if I go or not. When I feel up to it I'll go, otherwise I am not going to sweat it. Sometimes I get the feeling that he doesn't even remember who I am between visits. And it makes it easier to do things that he will dislike (such as have him declared incompetent and force him to get treatment) when I do not have to see him.
Last night, we stayed at our house for the first time in over 2 months. I was a bit worried about how the kids would take it, but they did just fine. It actualy felt good to be home. The blessing is that with his job he was rarely there so it really is our home, not his. I use to tell him that when he retired he was going to have to marry me.
Thanks, again. Have a great day, girls. Trina
http://glitteringgoat.blogspot.com/
If you would know Love, you must know pain too. -Hannah Hurnard |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
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MamaHumbird
True Blue Farmgirl
116 Posts
Holly
Cleveland
Missouri
USA
116 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2007 : 12:00:43 PM
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Trina,
I think of you so often, thank you for filling us in on the latest. I wish there was something more we could do to help you. You have to take care of yourself and your wonderful children. As you guys heal, you will be stronger and more capable of helping him later.
Hugs & Prayers,
Holly |
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2007 : 10:46:29 PM
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Trina,
Good for you for fussing it out as you say. Much needed in the process, see him when you are ready and not before. Thinking of you often and praying. Yeah for the couseling thing coming through.
Carol Sue
Enjoying life. |
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2007 : 10:54:29 AM
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Trina,
I am so sorry for all that you and your children have gone through. You re in my thoughts and prayers. Please don't give up on your husband though. I have heard of other such cases that through lots of therapy and prayers have turned around. It is obvious your husband dealt with some major trauma in Iraq to put him in this position. Now we will pray that the professionals working with him can unlock it and help him to move forward. In the meantime, maybe there is some kind of support group you can find . . . with other military wives who have endured similar things? I would check with your local military branch for such a group. There is a strength that comes when you surround yourself with others who have been through similar trials. Hugs and prayers coming your way.
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
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Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Aug 09 2007 : 12:27:45 PM
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Trina, I am glad things are on a bit of a steadier road for you and your children now.
I am also glad that you have gotten counseling services for yourself; and that you will use them! Right now, you are the central rock for your kids (and for your husband), so you require and deserve people to help you take care of YOU, as well as helping you take care of your family. It's a good thinkg that you all felt comfortable in your own home again; I am sending lots of farmgirl hugs your way.
Jo
"Wish I had time to work with herbs all day!" |
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janetinva123
True Blue Farmgirl
363 Posts
Janet
newport news
va
USA
363 Posts |
Posted - Aug 09 2007 : 1:20:23 PM
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Tina, I still hold you in my thoughts and prayers. Some of the work I do is with vets and brain injuries, make sure they do a neuropsych test for brain injuries. the test should take about 5 hours anything less is not enough to truely test if he also has a brain injury along with the ptsd. love and prayers, janet
Jc
http://beloved-creations.blogspot.com
http://beloved-creations.com |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Aug 30 2007 : 11:48:50 AM
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Hello, everybody! Thanks for the love and advice. Today we had a compentency hearing for Martin and he was deemed incompetent and I am now his legal gardian. I will meet with the doctors the beginning of next week to put together a treatment plan. When I meet with them, I will ask about the neuropsych testing Janet recomended. I know that he will first require drug therapy to get him compliant enough to do any testing.
I am now in counceling, but am having to find a new concelor for the kids. The woman ended up being very hostile to the homeschool culture and is blaming it for every little thing. Also, she seems to feed fears to the children (long story). I supose that my counceling is going well, but the thing I have found the most helpful is talking to an old friend. Next to Martin he probably know me better than anyone else in the world (at one time everybody believed I would marry him), and since his wife is bi-polar he understands what I am going through. When I am ready to scream "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" He very calmly reminds me that I hate the illness not Martin. He reminds me that I am Martin's only hope and if I do not stick it through and get him help nobody else will. Mama worries about me talking to him, but I think he is the only person I can really relate to right now. Loving and being married to someone who wants you dead isn't a very common problem. There isn't even a PTSD support group for spouses of ill soldiers, I have looked. I am going to go to the local NAMI meeting this month and see what they have to say.
Ok, gotta go. I am on the library computer and I am really here for the purpose of doing some research before the doctors meeting.
Love you all. Trina
http://glitteringgoat.blogspot.com/
If you would know Love, you must know pain too. -Hannah Hurnard |
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Family Matters: I'm back and it's been a BAD spring. |
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I'm back and it's been a BAD spring.
