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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Mamas of boys, can we talk weapons for a sec.  |
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vintagechica
True Blue Farmgirl
438 Posts
Eren
Poolville
TX
USA
438 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 09:07:37 AM
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We are in full fledged gun mode around here. EVERYTHING gets turned into a gun or sword or bow and arrow. Now, I knew this was going to happen. It just does with boys I've been told. So, that is not what bothers me. It is the words that go along with the actions. I keep hearing "Im going to cut your head off" and "I got you, you're dead now". I also know that they dont really understand what dead is.
But I am wanting everyone's opinion on this....I think that there should be some rules, like we don't shoot people and we dont kill our brothers, only the bad guys, etc. But my husband tells me that you can't put "rules" on how they play. But we already have rules like you cant throw the crayons all over the room, and you can't break the lincoln logs in half. So why is this any different?
The only gun we have in the house is a bb gun that he uses to get the skunks in the summertime (put away in the top of the closet). He keeps his other guns at work (military). So, we are responsible about having them around the boys and are not concerned in that way. More of a concern for human life. You know?
I am kind of rambling now, but do you all have rules about how your boys play with weapons?
Thanks in advance for any opinions, especially those of you who have BTDT (been there done that).
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A sure way to avoid housework...live outdoors.
Visit me anytime at my blog:
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EmmJay
True Blue Farmgirl
352 Posts
Mary Jane
Amherst
Nova Scotia
Canada
352 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 09:20:25 AM
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Hi Eren;
Let me start off by saying that I do not like guns.....
The rule in my home when the kids were small, was NO guns in the home.
They are older now, and we live where guns are needed, hunting and critters on the land.
I do not even tolerate pointing a finger like a gun in someone's face. Knives, guns, or any other type of weapon, are NOT to be pointed at another person period. The kids respect this rule, and have been raised this way. When starting small, I would simply say, "You would never point a real one at your brother, so make it a habit, by not pointing anything at him."
The talk, I am afraid comes from TV. There seems to be so many shows about death, and even coming back from the dead, that kids think killing someone is not a bad thing, as they can come back...
I try not to allow so many of these types of shows, and my kids are in their late teens now.
MJ
"Thank GOD I'm a country girl"
http://s119.photobucket.com/albums/o134/EmmJay07/ |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 09:28:21 AM
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Yes, Eren, you have to have rules. My grandsons (7&8) say all the things you are talking about. I tell them that there are rules at Gramma's house. No pointing at each other, no saying I'm going to kill you etc. I don't like it and I wasn't brought up with it and my girls were not brought up with it either. I can't help who they marry. But back to basics....you do have to set rules and limits. I think that if you set rules and they see other people do too they will respect that. We were so strict. Hope this helps. MB
www.strawberryhillsfarm.blogspot.com
www.day4plus.blogspot.com www.holyhouses-day4plus.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
Edited by - Marybeth on Mar 07 2007 09:30:12 AM |
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Aunt George
True Blue Farmgirl
1476 Posts
Georgann
Midlothian
VA
1476 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 09:47:43 AM
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My son is 27 now and when he was growing up, I had a no guns rule in the house. NO gun play, no gun pointing, no waterguns, no carrot guns, well you get the idea. His father loved guns, his father's father gave my ex-husband (his father) a gun for a housewarming present. I was very upset by this. It was kept locked in a gun safe with an additional trigger lock on it, and separate from the ammo which was also locked. I always ask parents of children where my children will be playing if they have guns. If they do and do not keep them locked, I don't let my kids go, it is that simple.
My son laughs now about how strict I was, but I was also realistic. I didn't punish him hard for natural boy play and talk, but yes, I did put rules on it. Now what he did away from me....well, heaven only knows.
I think responsible gun ownership is the key. Teaching the responsibility and the consequences of gun use is important. Boys will be boys and they will play and their friends will pressure them to play. I didn't punish him for this, but we did talk about it.
Now having said all of that, guns and my son are not friends. His father died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound this past November with one of his many guns. It does remind of this fact: Guns don't kill, people kill. Whether it is an accident or on purpose, the end result is just as devastating.
I've said my peace, I'm sure many will disagree, but no guns in the home lowers the in home risk of death from a gunshot wound. (of course)
G
http://auntgeorgeshouse.blogspot.com/index.html
Thanks for checking out my apron and sewing musings! |
Edited by - Aunt George on Mar 07 2007 09:52:52 AM |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 09:48:00 AM
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my opinion probably wont be well accepted but here it is. First I hate guns, I hate weapons of any kind, that being said; boys playing w/ guns, swords etc. I think is a perfectly natural thing. I was the biggest tomboy ever & had every kind of play gun that was ever made. We try to fit kids in these boxes that society thinks they should be in & it doesn't let them let off steam. I grew up in the 50's, every kid had play guns & NO ONE I know ever killed anyone. I am not saying there are not exceptions but we must let kids be kids! Tv is different now but we saw cowboys killing indians, we didnt do it. I don't think its a big deal at all but thats just me.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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CutiePatootieFarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
75 Posts
Tess
Vancouver
WA
USA
75 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 09:49:31 AM
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My little brother could probably be the best example. By the time Stephen was 6 years old (and he's only 8 now), he had managed to be grounded from the following: sticks, string, rocks, belts, any toy swords, guns, nunchucks.... you name it, he was grounded from it. He managed to make a weapon out of anything he picked up. The reason he was grounded from belts - my little sister (only a 1.5 years older than him) was tied up to the couch with his belt and couldn't get out of it. He was 6....
I honestly feel that kids need to be given boundries. If they aren't, then how will they know their limits? If they are taught at a young age that shooting at people isn't good, then that will probably carry on into the future.
I don't think you're putting rules on how they play, but rather how they interract with other kids. |
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EmmJay
True Blue Farmgirl
352 Posts
Mary Jane
Amherst
Nova Scotia
Canada
352 Posts |
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ArmyWifey
True Blue Farmgirl
712 Posts
Holly
Abilene
KS
712 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 10:35:07 AM
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Well I guess that once again I'm the dissenting voice. ;) Not about boundaries but about boys..... both my boys have toy guns, swords, nerf guns,lazer tag, etc and I've seen boys turn anything into a weapon -- two sticks for a bow and arrow etc.
Now being in the Army our kiddos play war alot. Just do. Boys have a need to conquer and be in charge and playing Barbie just aint the same! kwim?
If hubby has said no rules than you need to respect that and talk to him about it first and not the women on this board. See why he says that and what he is really thinking and go from there/compromise. As Theresa pointed out there is a difference between being wild and playing.
Also how old are we talking here? Can they take a good hunter safety course/shooting course so they see what guns really do? I personally think this is one of the biggest issues --- most of our boys don't hunt or protect their families anymore so they don't really have first hand knowledge of what guns are for. 4-H has a good course.
I also agree with Michele often we as Mom's tend to read to much into things.
We don't have any guns, other than son's bb gun in the house at present but I grew up with them and used them.
just my 02
Holly
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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Edited by - ArmyWifey on Mar 07 2007 10:38:15 AM |
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serenity1652
True Blue Farmgirl
140 Posts
Fawn
Elkins
WV
USA
140 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 11:35:14 AM
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Hi there,
you'll probably not like my answer but here goes anyway. My sons are 14 and 15. They have had guns (real and fake) since they were old enough to hold them. They also each have their own buck knives and pocket knives. My husband and I come from families that hunt to eat. Both of my boys got their first deer by the time they were 6. My daughter shot her first deer at the age of 11. My sons and my daughter (who is a tomboy) have all taken a hunter's education course. They have toy guns...water guns, bb guns, cowboy pistols and rifles and they respect all guns..not just the real ones. They do point the toy guns at each other while playing but they know and respect the difference between reality and play. They do make bows and arrows and play shooting at each other...but all in play. Have they ever gotten hurt...no...because they have been taught respect for these items and therefore do not actually hit each other with these things. I let my boys be boys just as my husband, brothers, brother-in-laws and father was. Wouldn't have it any other way.
Fawn
"May all of your farm girl dreams come true...as mine has"
http://shallowcreekfarm.blogspot.com/ |
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vintagechica
True Blue Farmgirl
438 Posts
Eren
Poolville
TX
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 12:01:54 PM
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Thank you ladies! I welcome all of your comments. I am just trying to figure out how I really feel about this (well I already know), but still allow my little boys to be little boys. We dont watch TV, we do watch movies with them. Peter Pan, Land Before Time, Swiss Family Robinson, Apple Dumplin Gang are their faves at the moment. The boys do not have guns...not even toy guns. But like I said, EVERYTHING ends up being a weapon at some point. Keep the comments, ideas coming. Im soaking it all in. That is one of the things I love about this board so much...women of all ages and persuasions. I am learning.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A sure way to avoid housework...live outdoors.
Visit me anytime at my blog:
www.vintagechica.typepad.com |
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MustangSuzie
True Blue Farmgirl
634 Posts
Sarah
New London
Missouri
USA
634 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 12:09:21 PM
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It isn't guns that scare me but the people behind them. Without the person behind them they are just another ianimate object such as scissors, knives, needles, sharp glass etc. I feel that as long as the owner is responsible in the keeping of the gun and everyone is taught proper safety and respect of the weapon, there is no need to fear them.
My boys also turn anything and everything into guns and bows and arrows. I constantly remind them that we don't shoot people, we shoot for food. I don't let them watch things they shouldn't on tv, but I know that when they are at their dad's they watch everything, including violence. They have to be taught that is wrong. I do think that guns should be locked in a gun safe or locked cabinet with children around. You can get saftey gun locks for free I believe from your local sherrifs office, or they can tell you where to get them. These lock the trigger so that the gun cannot be fired.
My ex left a gun laying out in our basement one time. No major accident happened, but you can bet he got an ear full and didn't do it again.
Boys will be boys, when you are looking and more so when you are not. I guess it is their inner sense of being protector, defender and provider as males.
Blessings....
Sarah
"In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations." -From The Great Law Of The Iroquois Confederacy.
REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE!!!!
http://mustangsuzie.wordpress.com
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Edited by - MustangSuzie on Mar 07 2007 12:39:57 PM |
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ponyexpress
True Blue Farmgirl
320 Posts
Sandy
Kirkwood
Missouri
USA
320 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 12:27:13 PM
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Guns aside, when the boys use the words that go along with the play-fghting, what is the emotion or context behind it? Are they mimicking what they hear on TV or video games? Does there seem to be an anger or intensity behind the words other than play-fighting?
I think that seems to be the essence of your concern, rather than whether or not it is okay for boys to be playing with pretend guns. Maybe you could suggest some different language for them to use rather than the disturbing words.
I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age...but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty" |
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shmeg
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Megan
Granville
Ohio
USA
222 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 12:43:47 PM
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This is a hard topic for me too. I have a four year odl son who is actually a very sensitive little buy. If he hurts someone he cries and is more upset about it than whomever he hurt. But, he loves guns and swords, etc. For now the rule is that he can shoot the toys and other pretend things but he may not point the gun at another person. He is actually very good about this. When he isn't the gun gets put up indefinitely. It isn't my ideal situation but for now is a compromise that I can live with.
-Megan |
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lamarguerite farm
True Blue Farmgirl
649 Posts
missy
Battle Ground
Wa
USA
649 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 12:43:49 PM
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I have a boy that's 19 now and one that's 8 and they are "typical boys" as well. I've also been a preschool teacher and the boys would take a bite out of a cracker and then pretend it was a gun. It wasn't allowed at the school, but they had to be reminded often. It's almost like there's something instinctual(is that a word?)in boys. I don't allow guns to be pointed at people or animals and I don't go overboard buying toy guns, but Christien has a couple and usually only plays with them when his friends come over to play and they run around outside playing "cops and robber", etc. I think more than anything, there needs to be balance. Don't go out and buy them tons of toy guns and let them play carelessly with them, but on the other hand, don't be too restrictive and paranoid about it( I think that would create even more curiosity over it). So, I think monitoring there play is good, but let them expess themselves and be boys as well. I think each child's personality should be taken into consideration as well and their maturity level.
Blessings,
Missy
If you have a dream, even if you don't feel qualified to accomplish it, just try your hardest.-Maggie Jensen
http://18happyhens.blogspot.com
http://LamargueriteFarm.etsy.com |
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shmeg
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Megan
Granville
Ohio
USA
222 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 12:47:17 PM
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This is a hard topic for me too. I have a four year odl son who is actually a very sensitive little buy. If he hurts someone he cries and is more upset about it than whomever he hurt. But, he loves guns and swords, etc. For now the rule is that he can shoot the toys and other pretend things but he may not point the gun at another person. He is actually very good about this. When he isn't the gun gets put up indefinitely. It isn't my ideal situation but for now is a compromise that I can live with. Oh, I also don't let him have very realistic guns that make noises and things. He has two wooden/handmade guns. For some reason that seems more innocent.
-Megan |
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MustangSuzie
True Blue Farmgirl
634 Posts
Sarah
New London
Missouri
USA
634 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 1:00:08 PM
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My nine year old son learned a hard lesson this year during his first deer hunting experience of actually getting to shoot. I think it bothered him to fire the real gun and to kill the deer. But I'm glad he did it so that he knows what the consequence to shooting a living thing. And he sure has enjoyed eating the venison this winter. He smiles very proudly when I tell him that he put supper on the table for us. 
Blessings....
Sarah
"In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations." -From The Great Law Of The Iroquois Confederacy.
REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE!!!!
http://mustangsuzie.wordpress.com
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horse
True Blue Farmgirl
371 Posts
laura
pontotoc
mississippi
USA
371 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 1:06:13 PM
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When my boys were little, they wasn't allowed to have guns whether it was play or real. When they turned 13 they each went to the hunter safety class and joined the shooter club in 4-H. That really helped alot. You can't help but worry when they are gone out whether hunting or at a shooting sport. That's just the Mother in us.
Laura
www.2lmzfarms.blogspot.com |
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bramble
True Blue Farmgirl
2044 Posts
2044 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 2:25:41 PM
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I have to say my opinion is close to Aunt George's. I didn't have guns of any type during preschool and yes I did frequently see my son turn something into a gun when playing with other children. Do I think that behavior is inherent? No, I think it is learned from others who have been exposed. We had water pistols that were in the shape of animals and the rule was never to aim at anyone's face.
As he got older, he wanted plastic swords for knight's and dragon play, and he did get as a gift a nerf gun for his birthday as a gift from a relative. At scout camp he had the opportunity to take gun safety and shooting and took it. Do we have guns? No. Will we? No.
And yes I too asked the parent of every play date if they had guns in the home and how they were stored. I actually offended one family who's Dad is a cop, but later he apologized and said he wondered why more parents didn't ask that question knowing what he does for a living. That prompted a gun safety program in the schools. Both Grandfathers and his Dad have hunted, but I doubt that Z will, he is too soft hearted about animals. This is a topic my husband and I do not agree on but I am adamant, there will never be guns in a house I live in. You can tell me til your blue in the face that gun safety and gun education can prevent mishaps but if the Vice President of this country can't prevent himself from shooting someone in the face I don't want to risk my kids or yours.
with a happy heart |
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Love-in-a-Mist
True Blue Farmgirl
367 Posts
Shannon
Independence
Oregon
USA
367 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 4:21:16 PM
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I also think it depends on the child and the parents. We are a hunting, gun enthusiast family. I own 2 myself. We have 2 gun safes and guns are always locked up. We teach our children to respect guns and are very strict about rules. Guns are normal everyday life for my children. They don't even play shooting games anymore, they are bored with them.
I have a nephew though, that I would not give a toy gun or any play weapon to. He is very mean spirited and I don't leave my children alone with him. He is only 6, but he has been this way since he was 2. Last time he was at our house, shooting the toy gun wasn't enough, because nothing was happening, so he smacked my son across the face with it in front of the whole family. He got in trouble and the toys were taken away. Then he punched my 2 year old daughter in the stomach. He is allowed to play graphic video games and my children are not, but mostly I think it started with his lack of parenting. His family does not own a gun, thank the Lord. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.
I think you should sit down with your husband and discuss your concerns. Evaluate what kind of children you have and compromise on rules.
My stall cleaning helpers
http://shannon-love-in-a-mist.blogspot.com/
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Love-in-a-Mist
True Blue Farmgirl
367 Posts
Shannon
Independence
Oregon
USA
367 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 5:13:53 PM
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Another thing our family does is teach respect for all life no matter how small. If it's not something you are going to eat, than don't kill it. This has gone along way towards "pretend" shooting things.
My stall cleaning helpers
http://shannon-love-in-a-mist.blogspot.com/
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bramble
True Blue Farmgirl
2044 Posts
2044 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 7:07:16 PM
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I have to also say we didn't have any video games in our house until after 3 grade and never any that had violence of any kind. We saw such a difference in "the cousins" who were playing any M rated game they chose from age 5 and were constantly inflicting violent behavior on each other to the point of multiple hospital visits. I would not trust these children with an Air Soft gun let alone the real thing. It does depend alot on how you are raised.
with a happy heart |
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ArmyWifey
True Blue Farmgirl
712 Posts
Holly
Abilene
KS
712 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 7:23:48 PM
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A funny .... after posting on here I asked ds#2 who's 7 to get my high heels for me. He came down the stairs holding them by the heels and "shooting" me with them!
Another thought --- growing up our guns never were locked up or the ammo either (ammo was in a seperate spot) but we never used them in anger or had accidents. Now my cousin on the other hand tried to shoot his toe off --- but that was actually my Grandfather's fault for leaving it down where he could reach it. I actually would like to buy a gun because hubby is gone so much.
Blessings,
Holly
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2007 : 06:06:07 AM
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I tell my son that the only thing he better ever be shooting out of a pretend gun is "love darts". I tell him that I certainly hope he's sending me alot of love and that we don't say things like "bang-your dead" or anything mean .
He doesn't do the gun thing hardly ever..but when he does he'll say "sending you some love darts"
He mostly plays pirates around here...and lately he pretends like he is a tree and he'll say "timber"..stiffen up and make himself fall straight over! LOL but he always watches and hasn't hurt himself yet.
LOL
He tends to rough house sometimes..typical boy..but we quickly tell him to settle it down, or have him go run it off outside.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~ |
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2007 : 07:43:44 AM
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I had my own bee-bee gun as a kid. My father had a gun (a pistol) somewhere in the garage, maybe even a rifle. My Uncles were quite scary even without guns, but they also had guns. My grandmother had a shotgun.
I think that you can eliminate all guns from the entire world, but there will still be violence and murder. Cain didn't have a gun and look at what happened to Able. And he didn't watch tv.
It's more an issue of the heart. Guns are just exterior.
I think you should tell your children what is dangerous, explain to them what happens around fires, electricity, water, guns, medications, cars. Teach them to use wisdom not foolishness. You can't be too careful. My mom's cousin, when he was two, shot and killed his father.
Whether it's knives, guns, or belts, (I think someone mentioned a kid using a belt to tie up another kid), or ropes, or anything, you just have to stay on top of it and keep your kids from harm.
My dad's rule was that you never point guns at cars or people. And he was a very gentle soul, so I didn't even dream of shooting birds or squirrels. I think teaching your sons and daughters to care for small creatures is important too.
My dad was a Marine, and he also spent quite a bit of time teaching me how to defend myself. I usually rolled my eyes at him, but wouldn't you know, the THIRD month of my marriage our apartment door was KICKED in and a guy hit me and knocked me down. He told me he had a gun and he told me to turn over. I screamed and kicked him in his groin a couple of times and he went away. (Angels were watching over me and I believe that God had provided me with a loving earthly father who had given me preparation to take care of myself).
So, I believe in educating children about the evils of the world, the dangers of our physical environments and the difference in living wisely or foolishly, all this in addition to moral and ethical and spiritual education.
Your sons playing with guns brings up good opportunities to talk to them about these things. Guns are a part of life, just like everything else.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. |
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tziporra
True Blue Farmgirl
234 Posts
Robin
Seattle
WA
USA
234 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2007 : 10:12:12 AM
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When I was a kid we had guns in the house all the time. So the rule was, if it LOOKS like a gun (or a bow), you may not point it at another person. Ever. For any reason. If it didn't look like a gun - no rules, including on what was said.
I agree with your husband regarding rules on speech (as long as the speech befits gentlemen) in play. Kids explore concepts like death and good and evil in play, and it can be confusing and scary when we put restrictions on that play. I do think it's perfectly reasonable to put restrictions on where certain kinds of language (or loud voices) are used. For instance, rather than nag my kids endlessly about potty talk (innocent kinds of potty talk, not swearing kind) I make them go to the bathroom to talk about bodily functions. It loses charm pretty quickly that way. If you prefer not to hear about killing each other, you might send them outside -- we don't kill each other in the house.
Best,
Robin |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2007 : 1:29:07 PM
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If there were not guns or knives in my house, it would be nearly empty. Hubby loves guns and knives of all sorts and is even learning to smith his own blades. My boys play combat on a daily baisis and I agree with Robin about it helping them sort out some of the more complicated aspects of life (my husband is a soldier and we have lost friends in battle, so war is something that really hits home here). At this point I have no concerns with thier play, they know the rules (we do not murder or shoot cilivlians--ladies, talk mean, or torture). They often play against invisable bad guys who are "threatening" thier sisters. As for hunting, when they are older daddy will take them hunting, but they already realise that all creatures belong to God and we are only to kill for meat (they do participate in butchering here at home). Infact, sometimes they are too respectful of God's creatures and have been caught feeding the ants IN THE HOUSE!
Talking about boys...they are in my kitchen and I had better go rescue what ever food is left! That was about my two bits anyway...oh, we do keep guns put up, but just in case we train our children from the time they are able to crawl NEVER to touch a real gun. At about 4 they start target practicing with daddy, but then they learn that the exception is if it is handed to them by a PARENT. They have also been taught to clear a weapon no matter who hands it to them.
Trina
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Of all the things I have created, my children are the best. |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Mamas of boys, can we talk weapons for a sec. |
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Mamas of boys, can we talk weapons for a sec.
