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**News from MaryJanesFarm:  Farmgirl Manners  |
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Meg
Moderator/Farmgirl True
974 Posts
Meg
Idaho
USA
974 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 08 2007 : 11:01:05 AM
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Hi farmgirls!
I was reading Miss Manners in the paper this week and decided this particular advice Miss Manners gave was worth repeating to my girlfriends. I thought she really nailed it and I’ve decided to make mental note myself!
An activist that really disagrees with the mining of diamonds asked Miss Manners how she should handle her many friends getting diamond engagement rings.
“I am happy for all my friends’ engagements, but when they go and show me the diamond and ask my opinion on the ring (i.e., “Isn’t it beautiful?”), I really want to explain my position on these stones."
Miss Manners replied:
“Miss Manners assures you that people do not absorb moral lessons from those who trample on their feelings. Rather, they forever associate the unpleasantness of the spokesperson with the cause itself.
So if the certainty that you would hurt your friends’ feelings is not enough to satisfy you into mere murmured politeness, how about the certainty that you would hurt your cause?”
MaryJane's daughter,
Meg
megan@maryjanesfarm.org |
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Libbie
Farmgirl Connection Cultivator
3579 Posts
Anne E.
Elsinore
Utah
USA
3579 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2007 : 12:08:26 PM
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Oh, Meg - that is SO TRUE! Thanks for the reminder - and when I think about it - I know that I, for one, have been very much more willing to learn from people who I think care about me enough to be polite, like you mentioned...
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2007 : 1:07:01 PM
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I agree and I know Libble and I both saw this to be true in a thread recently in "Family Matters". We all have beliefs and convictions but how you portray them makes all the difference. I was recently called "arrogant" in a post which stung like the dickens . . . but it made me realize that while my convictions remain unchanged, how I say it, or even if I say anything at all is very important. Gentleness needs to always be the guiding method for our posts . . . especially when the "tone" and intent can easily be misunderstood here on a forum that is all written words. Great post, Meg.
Slowly but surely I am learning these lessons . . . by the time I'm 95 I might even have some of my own wisdom to pass along! LOL!
Love and Blessings . . .
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
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Persephone
True Blue Farmgirl
172 Posts
Katrina
Indiana
USA
172 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2007 : 2:18:06 PM
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Thats SO true! I feel really strongly about certain parenting related issues (breastfeedingcoughcough  ), and I've learned from watching others that no one is going to go, "Oh, yes, breastfeeding sounds like a good idea!" If you're going to be mean and nasty about it. And that goes for EVERYTHING! Since learning that, I've had to do a lot of tongue biting, but just because you bite your tongue doesn't mean that you are being disloyal to your cause. You can still feel passionately about it, and not alienate everyone who doesn't agree. That's called "being an adult". :) |
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CabinCreek-Kentucky
True Blue Farmgirl
8529 Posts
Frannie
Green County
Kentucky
USA
8529 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2007 : 2:30:06 PM
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THANKS MEG .. it all comes down to the good 'ole 'golden rule'. xo, frannie
True Friends, Frannie
CABIN CREEK FARM
KENTUCKY
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Rebekka Mae
True Blue Farmgirl
965 Posts
Rebekka
Moscow
ID
USA
965 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2007 : 4:30:34 PM
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Megan-
What great advice, I glad you posted this...it is so easy to get up on your high horse, not as easy to get down, especially when you 'think' you are 'right'. Much better to be a quiet example (no that I am much of the time!) and a truly graceful friend. Nobody likes a scolding!
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND.
XOXO, Reb
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
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Kim
True Blue Farmgirl
146 Posts
Kim
Pflugerville
Texas
USA
146 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2007 : 5:05:22 PM
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I am glad you posted this. It is so true. We can get into some heated discussions and we all need to realize that everyone is entitled to their opinion ( even if it doesn;t sit well with the other person). Remember it's part of our Civil Rights and it is also our DUTY to respect one another!
Sermon over. *grin*
Blessed Be!
farmgirl@heart
Be at peace with yourself and the rest will follow
http://chevy49girl.livejournal.com/
http://chevy49girl.deviantart.com/ |
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bramble
True Blue Farmgirl
2044 Posts
2044 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2007 : 8:33:46 PM
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Thanks Meg! I have found that there has been a level of intolerance that has been disturbing lately. Please allow others to share their opinions respectfully. Rarely is anything black and white, good or bad. There is always more than one way to look at an issue and if you aren't open to listening...this might not be the place for you. Open minds and open hearts girls... whatever side of the fence you are on.
with a happy heart |
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Horseyrider
True Blue Farmgirl
1045 Posts
Mary Ann
Illinois
1045 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2007 : 04:55:42 AM
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That makes me think of my dad. He always said that it doesn't matter at all what we say; it only matters how the message is received; and to adjust how we send the message so it will be most likely received as we'd want.
Sometimes I think people on the net use that veil of the screen as an excuse to discard decent manners and speak to people as they never would in their own kitchens. It often says far more about the person dispensing the remarks than about the stance they claim to champion. |
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Phils Ann
True Blue Farmgirl
1095 Posts
Ann
Parsonsburg
Maryland
USA
1095 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2007 : 07:57:25 AM
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Meg, that's such good advise. Thank you.
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
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katiedid
True Blue Farmgirl
601 Posts
Kate
West Jordan
Utah
USA
601 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2007 : 10:39:08 AM
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I agree, I try to keep lessons like this at the front of my mind....
My favorite saying, that really goes well with this lesson is
"You get more bees with honey."
Thanks, Meg
Love and light to you
Kate
my new blog http/www.theknifemakerswife.wordpress.com |
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Aunt George
True Blue Farmgirl
1476 Posts
Georgann
Midlothian
VA
1476 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2007 : 4:03:11 PM
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Thanks for the reminder. I've suffered from foot in mouth disease for most of my life, so I apologize if I have ever hurt anyones feelings on the boards. I always try to temper what I say and wear a cucumber for my shield to stay as cool as one.
Love ya'll,
G
http://auntgeorgeshouse.blogspot.com/index.html
Thanks for checking out my apron and sewing musings! |
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Love-in-a-Mist
True Blue Farmgirl
367 Posts
Shannon
Independence
Oregon
USA
367 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2007 : 2:47:00 PM
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Rebekka, I like your part about being a quiet example. I definitly learned my lesson.
Farmgirl and mother of 2 |
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livelife
Farmgirl in Training
45 Posts
Penny
Michigan
USA
45 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2007 : 6:13:50 PM
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Wow I made a copy and posted it on my frig....(must get that into memory)
In His presence |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2007 : 7:29:27 PM
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As a good friend of mine says, good manners are always "right" or something to that effect. I thought it might be good to revive this thread that Meg posted last February.
Hi farmgirls!
I was reading Miss Manners in the paper this week and decided this particular advice Miss Manners gave was worth repeating to my girlfriends. I thought she really nailed it and I’ve decided to make mental note myself!
An activist that really disagrees with the mining of diamonds asked Miss Manners how she should handle her many friends getting diamond engagement rings.
“I am happy for all my friends’ engagements, but when they go and show me the diamond and ask my opinion on the ring (i.e., “Isn’t it beautiful?”), I really want to explain my position on these stones."
Miss Manners replied:
“Miss Manners assures you that people do not absorb moral lessons from those who trample on their feelings. Rather, they forever associate the unpleasantness of the spokesperson with the cause itself.
So if the certainty that you would hurt your friends’ feelings is not enough to satisfy you into mere murmured politeness, how about the certainty that you would hurt your cause?”
MaryJane's daughter,
Meg
megan@maryjanesfarm.org
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora!
http://home.test-afl.tulix.com/aleeandnora/ |
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janetinva123
True Blue Farmgirl
363 Posts
Janet
newport news
va
USA
363 Posts |
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therealshari
True Blue Farmgirl
235 Posts
Shari
Beryl
UT
USA
235 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2007 : 09:55:28 AM
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I've always liked what "Flower" from Walt Disney's Bambi had to say... "If you can't say something nice, then don't say nothing at all"
I'm pretty out-spoken, and also have generally done things that are a little out of the mainstream. Just keeping that in mind, as well as the Golden Rule... Do unto others as you would have them do unto you... has allowed me to remain "socially acceptable" even in some pretty "hostile" company.
We all have strong opinions, and is what they are... opinions. Unless you're in a setting where debate is expected, it's better to reserve your opinion for a later date.
Thanks for bringing the subject up again.
Shari Thomas
farmer, web copywriter, blogger
Shari's Gone Country
Vote for me at "Blog for a year" |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2007 : 10:10:29 AM
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Meg, I hope everyone reading your lovely post will define themselves as someone who could benefit from a little introspection on this subject. I certainly do.
These dust-ups that occur here are often triggered by statements guaranteed to stir heated controversy, or at least it seems so to me. Perhaps the people making such statements have never considered another point of view and don't realize how inflammatory their remarks may come across to others. When people, as they inevitably will, reply by challenging the rationale behind the original statement, there's a wonderful opportunity for diverse opinions to be aired and considered thoughtfully. We ALL need to give each other permission to do that.
It's easy to bury an honest angry reaction behind a facade of sweetness. What's much harder, but ultimately more beneficial, is to accept differing opinions with kindness and respect, while allowing ourselves permission to voice our own, in the expectation that others will accord us equal rights.
There's an art to that, and like any art form, its practitioners need both the heart for it, and the skill to pull it off. Not all will be as successful as the rest in this, but I think it's a worthy objective.
Jumping down off my soapbox now, before the weight of my probity crushes it right out from under me! |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9321 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9321 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2007 : 6:57:16 PM
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My husband and I were just discussing this very subject and talking about how we can stay true to our cause without offending others. Thanks for the post of Miss Manners. It is so helpful. I am glad when someone finds something and passes it along because i am always in the learning process and grateful when someone says something to help me along the way in that process.
"The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof and all that dwell therein."
www.torismimi.blogspot.com |
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2007 : 7:04:31 PM
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Thank you for a much needed reminder for me. Stepping on people's toes is not my goal but realizing how different we are and allowing each of us to be who we are.
Thanks Alee for bumping it.
Enjoying life. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2008 : 2:10:17 PM
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Meg originally posted this:
Hi farmgirls!
I was reading Miss Manners in the paper this week and decided this particular advice Miss Manners gave was worth repeating to my girlfriends. I thought she really nailed it and I’ve decided to make mental note myself!
An activist that really disagrees with the mining of diamonds asked Miss Manners how she should handle her many friends getting diamond engagement rings.
“I am happy for all my friends’ engagements, but when they go and show me the diamond and ask my opinion on the ring (i.e., “Isn’t it beautiful?”), I really want to explain my position on these stones."
Miss Manners replied:
“Miss Manners assures you that people do not absorb moral lessons from those who trample on their feelings. Rather, they forever associate the unpleasantness of the spokesperson with the cause itself.
So if the certainty that you would hurt your friends’ feelings is not enough to satisfy you into mere murmured politeness, how about the certainty that you would hurt your cause?”
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
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graciegreeneyes
True Blue Farmgirl
3107 Posts
Amy Grace
Rosalia
WA
USA
3107 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 07:55:28 AM
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Alee,
I am really glad you re-posted this. It seems like it is too easy, in our age of internet-only contact, to forget to be nice. When life becomes more anonymous there are less consequences to less than stellar manners. My husband posts on a website and he is not a perfect speller, and someone went through all the posts he ever made and picked them to pieces - just not necessary. This is something I think about a lot, and I know I fall down on sometimes, but I think it is important. If I am the example of the things I believe in I want to make a good impression
Amy Grace |
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mima
True Blue Farmgirl
1573 Posts
1573 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 08:10:51 AM
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I love this topic!!!! I think my motto is that its much better to be Kind than right!! love to all!
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars,or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Helen Keller
http://www.thebodyshopathome.com/web/dcole1 |
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katmom
True Blue Farmgirl
17161 Posts
Grace
WACAL Gal
WashCalif.
USA
17161 Posts |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 9:55:37 PM
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I'll Ditto that!
(hugz to you mima)
>^..^< Happiness is being a katmom.
mjf#72
Sisters on the Fly#472
www.katmom4.blogspot.com
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graciegreeneyes
True Blue Farmgirl
3107 Posts
Amy Grace
Rosalia
WA
USA
3107 Posts |
Posted - May 27 2008 : 7:31:13 PM
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| Me too!! Madeleine L'Engle wrote that in one of her memoirs and I try to keep it in mind always, not always successfully but I'm working on it |
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**News from MaryJanesFarm: Farmgirl Manners |
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Farmgirl Manners
