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Family Matters:  Anyone live with an inlaw?? HELP!  |
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DaisyFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
1646 Posts
Diane
Victoria
BC
Canada
1646 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 08 2006 : 11:22:13 AM
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So I'm not real comfortable talking about someone, particularly a family member, in any manner much less an open forum. However I REALLY need to vent and ask you wonderful folks for help. I'm really angry at the moment as I have a very busy day and had to just steam clean my living room carpet as Lily (my young lab) was sick all over it.
Once again, it's my MIL who insists on feeding our animals and this time fed Lily catfood. I am a strong believer that if you take on the responsibility of a pet, you better darn well look after it properly. Well with her living here, she makes it impossible!
History - #1 we had an older diabetic cat that had an obviously restricted (and expensive) diet. We had to put him down as his glucose kept peaking. Seems she was secretly feeding him SEVEN cans of cat food a day "because he was so hungry". Grrrrrr.
#2 - I have an old retreiver who has a severe allergy to food preservatives. The last episode she fed her some gross dog "treat" that ended up with antibiotics, prednisone and anti-inflamatory drugs and a $500.00 vet bill.
We take her for groceries and have busted her twice trying to sneak and buy dog treats. We have given her things that the pets can have if she really feels the need to feed them, but she does what she wants and then lies about it. Last time I got the vet to write it all in a letter and showed it to her, including how Lily was obese. She says "she's not obese, she's muscular" and continues to do what she wants. I tried to nicely explain that her being overweight will shorten her life span, but she gets all bent out of shape saying "I can't do anything right and I'm moving out" etc. etc. ad nauseum.
She is so set on having her own way she will stop at NOTHING to have it. See my post under "I'm back" to see just how far she will go.
This morning I confronted her about feeding Lily the cat food and she said denied it and stormed upstairs. Now I'm the bad guy because I've upset her. Too bad.
So...on my trip into town today I'm thinking of buying a baby gate to prevent the dogs going up to her suite. This will be a very blunt and harsh message, but what choice do I have? I feel kind of bad because Lily will sleep at her feet in the evenings and keep her company.
DH has talked to her repeatedly as well...he gets angry as MIL will just throw a tantrum.
Okay I have got to get moving and let this anger go. I'm just so frustrated!
Di
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2006 : 11:34:33 AM
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I can really sympathize with you. We haven't had our inlaws live with us, but they were staying for as much as two months of the year. They recently moved back to Spokane, which is actually much easier than the long visits. I have two MILs because of divorce and remarriage in my husband's family. His real mom is super easy to be around but his step mom is soooo hard and she is the one that stayed the two months out of the year. I did the happy dance when they left! Anyway, I think some personalities are just easier to get along with than others. My Step MIL is invasive and has no sense of boundaries. It sounds like this is the same issue you have. You need to talk to your husband and get him in agreement with you and then sit down with your MIL and have a "chat". Calmly tell her (it will be better if your husband does this, as they take it better from the son!) that while you want her to feel at home here, she does need to respect certain boundaries and limits that you have discussed. Then politely remind her of pets, etc. While calmly talking, your husband needs to be as assertive to say, "Please have the courtesy to respect our wishes on this rather than trying to manipulate us through guilt by stomping off, threatening to move out, etc." I would avoid the word tantrum, even though that may be indeed what it is. This term will only serve to getting her back up. Then once your husband has laid down the guidelines, as a gesture of caring and making her know that her needs are important, ask her what you can do to make her feel more at home. If her requests are rediculous, of course you will need to let her know, but often just to have that consideration given to them, is all they need. Sending you blessings your way!
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
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Nance in France
True Blue Farmgirl
1438 Posts
Nancy
St. Laurent de la Salanque
France
1438 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2006 : 11:37:42 AM
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Diane!! Holy freakin mackerel! If there is any award called the Mother Teresa award or the Patience of Job award, start brushing up on your acceptance speech 'cause you've won, hands down! Saying all her hard work on the farm is gone, when her husband catered to her whims??? Somebody slap me, because I'm thinking of gassing up the car and finding where you live, stuffing her in the trunk and taking a joy ride. Tis the season to be jolly (and joyful) right?
Seriously, I am so sorry for what must be a daily grind living with her. I would say to get her a pet of her own so she would leave yours in peace, but that would be cruelty to animals....unless you get her a turkey, since they supposed to get stuffed! Thank goodness you have your hubby and daughter to commiserate with. And really, the baby gate is not a bad idea....she will definitely get the message, and hopefully miss the pets' companionship enough to mend her ways. Heartfelt hugs to you. Nance |
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bybiddie
True Blue Farmgirl
267 Posts
susan
upstate
ny
USA
267 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2006 : 1:01:17 PM
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Oh, Diane, what a pickle! My paternal grandmother lived with us for two years and it was a nightmare for my mother. She was on a restricted diet (no salt) and my mother would find her in the kitchen in the middle of the night pulling the salt out of the cupboards and eating it - just because she was told not to! And it only got worse. I would be seething too if my MIL ignored every request and endangered the health of my pets. I am definitely in favor of the baby gate. Sounds like your Lily needs protection! Warm hugs to you - Susan
Lovin' my life
http://BizzyHands.etsy.com |
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doglady
True Blue Farmgirl
435 Posts
Tina
Howard
Ohio
USA
435 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2006 : 2:02:45 PM
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Hi Diane,
I would not have as much tact and patience as you have. I am very particular what my dogs eat and allowed to do as I must be the pack leader with my group of terriers. These things seem to be costing you a lot of time in cleaning things up, vet bills, and cleaning supplies. The next time this happens, I would give your ML the bill and let her know you need the money by a certain date. Yes, she will get mad but, sometimes, there are those that do things that don't register with them until it costs them some money. Or I would give her the leash and tell her matter of factly that when she gives the dog forbiden food (the act), it causes the dog to get sick (the result). Of course if she doesn't follow through, you'll will have to take care of it so the poor puppy doesn't suffer as a result. But you will get your point across.
I do agree with what Brenda said and I would try that first if you can get the hubby to do it! If not, I would try my idea.
Good Luck,
Tina
The dogs own the house but the people pay the mortgage!
www.kennelcreations.com |
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GRITSgal
Farmgirl in Training
44 Posts
Jamie
Cave Spring
Georgia
44 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2006 : 3:45:31 PM
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I ve lived w/ my in laws before for a year and it was hell. I understand what you meant. I agree w/ your baby gate up and that's your way to communicate to her that her hands are off from your pets. if she didn't listen, get her to pay some of the vet bill so she can get the message. I agree w/ others that let your husband handle that one.
Give
Live
Love
~jamie lee~ |
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Phils Ann
True Blue Farmgirl
1095 Posts
Ann
Parsonsburg
Maryland
USA
1095 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2006 : 5:24:13 PM
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Oh Diane.... and your husband has been diagnosed with Huntingtons??? You've got a plateful and a half. How old is your MIL? What is her state of health like? ("There are those who suffer from headaches and those who make others suffer"... I'm betting she's in GREAT physical shape.) I agree with Brenda, and also with the ideas of the baby gate and giving her the vet bills. If she's really offended, maybe she'll leave? (I know, I'm bad.)
I'm glad you're able to vent.
XO,
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
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susan kate
True Blue Farmgirl
109 Posts
susan
Western Washington
109 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2006 : 7:36:06 PM
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Personally, I think it's time to lose your patience. Is kicking her out an option? Sorry, I would have lost my patience after the first episode. This is infantile behavior designed to control you and create chaos so this person can be the center of the world.
I hope you can find a way to put yourself and your family members health and safety first. |
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bramble
True Blue Farmgirl
2044 Posts
2044 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2006 : 11:39:51 PM
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Not that I want her to have access to the pets again, but have you "invited" her to clean up when they get sick? It took me awhile to get my son and his friends to stop sneaking our dog table food as she has a very touchy digestive system. Once in the middle of a sleepover she was REALLY sick and they came to get ME in the middle of the night to clean it up. I was nearly incoherent yet fuming, and made THEM clean it up! They were not happy campers but they didn't slip her anything after that! Your MIL can't really be that unfeeling that she is making them sick on purpose could she? Maybe a little clean up detail will put her in the right frame of mind!
Glad you could vent to us, it does help!
with a happy heart |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2006 : 12:06:36 PM
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yikes. sounds like you have a major manipulator in your life...but at least you are starting to realize it... I say take control back of your life and your husband's life..seems like too much has been allowed to go on for too long ..sorry to say but if mil needs to move out..so be it...maybe then you'd have a happier life and alot less headache..life is way too short to have to have this type of upset every day...where she absolutely runs rough shod over simple requests and seeminly has no regard for your home rules.. MIL needs a very good talking to, but in love..but certainly needs put in her place.Best of wishes to you.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~ |
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Ronna
True Blue Farmgirl
1891 Posts
Ronna
Fernley
NV
USA
1891 Posts |
Posted - Dec 10 2006 : 4:52:25 PM
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Diane,
For years, my motto has been "women need to talk things out, men just burp or fart." Reading what you're going through makes my heart go out to you in sympathy. My mother thought she couldn't come to live with me because my husband doesn't like anyone staying here and she was right, but it's me that would have gone totally crazy. He's out in his shop, outdoors or on his Harley when he's home from work in Alaska anyway. I think the losing control may be a factor and it's a tough one to deal with at best. Mother was always controlling and I was dreading her even being in assisted living near me. She had a few issues, but as time went by she realized her limits and thankfully turned more and more over to me. Towards the end, she barely moved without asking me what she should do and this was a total 180 from the woman I knew. Made life much easier all the way around, though. Whether or not there are options for your MIL's living arrangements other than with you is not anyone's business, but at this stage, the health and sanity of your family and your animals is at stake. Families used to keep the elders with them as they got older, but so much is different now, including the fact that people live much longer. I do hope you can come to an understanding and not have that heavy cloud hanging over the household for as long as she's living there. Not good for anyone, even her.
Ronna |
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Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2006 : 06:43:50 AM
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Diane, I agree with Nance in France who expressed my thoughts better than I ever could! (I'll even be the navigator if she wants to take that drive...)
Wow...here I was feeling such gratitude for all your hard work on the Farmgirl Cookbook, and now find out that you have this mess going on in the background...sheesh. Hats off to you, lady.
The only other thoughts I might have are:
(1)Alternative housing for her. This is extreme but might be crucial in order to protect you, your DH, other family members, including your pets. My point being, how many people does one person have the right to "take down" emotionally and physically in order to maintain their self-centered and unrealistic sense of entitlement as Queen of their Universe?
Your situation sounds so very lopsided, and so maybe there is another family member or friend who would provide (or help financially support) a different housing situation for your MIL.
(2) Has your MIL been evaluated for mental illness...as if she would take any medication suggested, but there may be something physical going on that could be controlled or moderated with meds or lifestyle changes. (Good luck there, but this is what I am thinking) It might require taking her up on her "offer" to move out.
(3) Has this woman ever functioned as a good mother to her son? Is this a life-time pattern of behavior, or something new that happened after losing her own DH and caretaker/provider? Can you hire a "minder" for her, to keep her occupied, busy, distracted, entertained and hopefully tired out by the end of the day? There are a lot of senior programs in the States, but I am not so sure what is available in Canada.
I'd think about narrowing the focus of responsibility in your life caring for your DH and yourself, maybe it is time to pass the responsibility of your MIL to someone else...and maybe, just maybe, it would be a better and healthier environment for her, too.
Hang in there, continue to vent here when you need to, and I really hope I have not offended you with my blunt suggestions.
Jo
"There are no strangers here, only friends you've yet to meet." |
Edited by - Hideaway Farmgirl on Dec 12 2006 06:46:53 AM |
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DaisyFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
1646 Posts
Diane
Victoria
BC
Canada
1646 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2006 : 10:04:32 AM
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Each one of you is so insightful it boggles my mind...I am so thankful for all your replies. Especially you Nance in France, who gave me a much needed laugh. I giggled to myself all day after reading your post. I guess what I needed to hear most was that it was okay to be angry.
I try to make allowances and deal tactfully with her, but obviously my method was/isn't working.
Fortunately she does have her own suite which she stays in for most of every day. It is a gorgeous suite, the entire top floor of our house, with large windows looking out over the farm, large bedroom, tv room, huge living room, modern kitchen, etc. I'm sure she does suffer from some depression and miss her husband terribly (although she made his life hell before he passed away) including phoning the RCMP on him one morning when he was in the later stages of his Huntington's and suffering dementia and he wasn't cooperating with her grooming him (he had to be perfect too) and he got angry. It was all about poor her. She does love to wallow in her own self-pity...I hear all the time how awful it is to just sit and wait to die and how she thinks about throwing herself in front of a truck on the highway. She would never do it, she just wants everyone to feel bad for her and make a fuss over her when she says such things. I just get angry...I'm sure there are many cancer patients and other lonely elderly people who would love to trade places with her and all that she has. Her health is excellent, although she suffers from high blood pressure (big surprise), but she refuses to go to the doctor. I call her bluff all the time and tell her she has to go and get an anti-depressant when she talks so negatively...then she is just fine for awhile.
She really needs to get out of the house more, but never wants to. She will complain to who ever will listen that she hasn't bought herself any new clothes for three years (not true), but if you offer to take her, she "doesn't need anything as she doesn't go anywhere". Lord deliver me! Victoria is Canada's retirement capital and we are 20 minutes from a gazillion different seniors clubs and groups, but she won't go. I give up!
My husband is an only child, so there is no other living relatives. If there can be an upside to his Huntington's, it is that it is late onset and he is just starting to show subtle symptoms now (he's 54). It scared and hurt him when my MIL threw it in his face. I told him it was completely not true and uncalled for, poor guy. He watched his father die from this insidious disease...that has to be terrifying. I've assured him I'll never call the police on him and he laughs. We try not to dwell on what we have no control over.
But I ramble...each and every one of you are so wise. Some of your posts shocked me as YOU KNEW! haha. Thanks for letting me vent and for all your input. You really did help!
Diane |
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Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2006 : 11:54:55 AM
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Di,
Isn't that what we are all here for? To listen to each other, to vent, to make each other laugh and yes, to provide "shock" therapy when necessary! In the event your MIL ever gets inspired to check out FarmGirl Connection..."we'll be wai-ting"! (she said in a sing-song voice...tra la la)
Hang in there, you inspire the rest of us to be better wives/girlfriends and daughters/daughters-in-law.
Jo
"There are no strangers here, only friends you've yet to meet." |
Edited by - Hideaway Farmgirl on Dec 19 2006 11:57:10 AM |
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Nance in France
True Blue Farmgirl
1438 Posts
Nancy
St. Laurent de la Salanque
France
1438 Posts |
Posted - Dec 21 2006 : 11:37:00 AM
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| Next time "mommy (in law) dearest" puts her hand to her forehead, starts that 'woe is me' crap and talks of throwing herself in front of a truck, tell her that rush hour would increase her chances of success..... And all the gals have given you such good ideas, support and advice. YOU are also doing the right thing: you are leading as full and happy a life as you can under the circumstances, which is an excellent example for HER as well as your family members. High five, gal pal. And you are taking advantage of a terrific outlet ....this website, to vent your frustrations and open yourself up to a wealth of info. We're all here to laugh and cry together, it seems, and just remember the old tea bag adage. "Women are like tea bags. You never know how strong a woman is until she gets into hot water." Your patience and effort in striking harmony and balance is inspiring. Thanks, gal pal. Nance |
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bboopster
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Betty Jo
West Bend
Wisconsin
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Jan 02 2007 : 2:33:08 PM
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Go Nance!!!! I use those tactics on my mom and they shut her up for at least long enough for someone else to talk. Di, try to find humor in life if it means telling her her chances of success are better during rush hour or offering to drive her to a busy section of road so be it. I might also start to frisk her to make sure she doesn't sneak any more unwanted items to others. Some may find it mean but sometimes mean works when it comes to health, self pitying elderly parents who have the world at there feet, to wake up and smell the coffee. Life is short enjoy it to the best of your ablity. 
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
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Nance in France
True Blue Farmgirl
1438 Posts
Nancy
St. Laurent de la Salanque
France
1438 Posts |
Posted - Jan 03 2007 : 09:00:17 AM
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| Thanks, Betty Jo. And Lori, these things just flow outta my head sometimes. You guys are sweet. I would like to be a freelance writer but don't have any idea how to begin. When I worked, I was always the one in the department who came up with the funny poems, retirement roasts, etc. I started writing a few chapters for a book so maybe I'll keep plugging along and somehow figure out how to 'make it happen'. Di, see how many great ideas and perspectives (that mirror your own) you've gotten? Frisk the old biddy; heck, make a fake scanning device like they use at airports and wave it up and down in front of her once or twice, preferably in front of other family. Many a truth is spoken in jest... Laughter IS the best medicine. We're all in this boat of life together, so keep us posted. Together we can keep our senses of humor intact and win our victories, however small. Nance |
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DaisyFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
1646 Posts
Diane
Victoria
BC
Canada
1646 Posts |
Posted - Jan 03 2007 : 10:53:36 AM
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You guys are a riot, I love and appreciate the humor...but mostly I so appreciate seeing the lighter side of it all. I hate it when something makes me question my own feelings and whether they're justified.
Right now she is furious with me <yawn>. I busted her yet again sneeking in dog treats when she bought groceries...which of course led to another tantrum and "moving out" speech. Seems this has become a "I will win" thing with her. She doesn't care at all about the allergies and obesity. Apparently the vet doesn't know anything either. Geez, this is getting SO old.
New Years Eve we had bought crab and invited her to come down and join us. What started as a simple invite just got ugly. She refused, saying to DH "she doesn't enjoy coming down for dinner, there are too many big egos down there". Me. Of course she won't stop and gets on the poor me thing. I am fortunate in having a husband that sticks up for me and our family, but this is SO unfair to him. I hate any kind of turmoil in my household and we all strive to have a calm and loving home. This drives her insane and she constantly tries to drive a wedge where ever she can. Fortunately we all know her ways and the fact that she will stop at nothing to get her way. She knows that upset in the household is hard for my DH to cope with due to his Huntingtons. But of course it's all about her.
If she could afford to live on her own, she would be out the door. She is just one spoiled, nasty woman who has been the center of attention her entire life, from her $1500 dresses to her buying more expensive gifts than my family and leaving price tags on. Funny thing is, my daughters have little respect for her but dearly love my own mother.
We are always told not to buy her anything for Christmas. Well what are we supposed to do...sit here at gift opening with nothing for her? She would love that, but I just can't be that way! Anyway, each of the girls bought for her as did we. Four out of five gifts were handed back as she opened them.
Maybe I'll just buy the truck...a mac truck... :)
Di |
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DaisyFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
1646 Posts
Diane
Victoria
BC
Canada
1646 Posts |
Posted - Jan 03 2007 : 3:26:18 PM
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It's truly unbelievable isn't it. Her response to her son when he questioned why she didn't want something..."that's why I tell you not to buy me anything". We're not talking about some lady who is becoming senile. She is intelligent, a gourmet cook and has a real flare for decorating and designing. Which is why I offered to teach her to sew, I figured she would be really good at it. Don't know what I was thinking though, I just got an emphatic NO. But I guess it would be waaay beneath her to wear or use something homemade.
Now I'm just sounding b!tchy...
Di
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Nance in France
True Blue Farmgirl
1438 Posts
Nancy
St. Laurent de la Salanque
France
1438 Posts |
Posted - Jan 04 2007 : 09:24:23 AM
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| I'll go 50-50 on a hit man; who's with me? Just say the word, Diane! And keep smiling. Even though she's wreaking havoc with the homefront harmony, she's the big loser in this story. Nance |
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Phils Ann
True Blue Farmgirl
1095 Posts
Ann
Parsonsburg
Maryland
USA
1095 Posts |
Posted - Jan 04 2007 : 12:45:32 PM
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Diane, WOW. Lori is right--at least your daughters see the truth... and your husband doesn't get taken in by her. And I thought my mom had a bad mother-in-law. The turmoil is really REALLY hard to live with. I saw it growing up and wouldn't date any boy whose mother didn't like me! Meanwhile, my heart really does go out to you... and I'll pray for her without asking for MY WILL to be done, but HIS. My head is just shaking.
Hugs,
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Jan 04 2007 : 1:13:50 PM
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gosh..I have to say you live with a genuine terror of a woman..I absolutely would not do it.No way, no how. She would have been out a long time ago..but until you put down your foot and your husband does too, she will continue to manipulate things into her own spoilt way. You will have to get to the point to where you both decide that enough is enough. If it means packing her bags for her and showing her the door, so be it.I'd find some sort of assisted living/retirement type community and get her a room there.
I certainly would have done that long ago if it was me.Certainly there is some sort of retirement facilities nearby that have senior activities and the like, not a nursing home, but more like a retirement housing/with activities, etc.
Harmony is much better than a woman that sows discord constantly.Best wishes to you... you certainly have your hands full. I wish you wisdom in this. And the ability to stand your ground and restore harmony to your home.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~ |
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bboopster
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Betty Jo
West Bend
Wisconsin
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Jan 06 2007 : 08:04:56 AM
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Hi Di,
I'll come and help you pack her. Maybe a few U-haul packing boxes sitting in view might quiet her for a bit. I know the frustration of those who are spoiled. But I agree make sure the gifts you buy her are something you would like or maybe buy her one gift and keep wrapping it up gift giving time after gift giving time. I would suggest a road map, the "apartments for rent" books that you can get at the grocery store, and maybe a muzzel. My husband's mother and father are deceased so I have only my mom who has already infomed me that she will NEVER live with me. That's right I told her!!! But my daughter is marrying into a family and she is already having problems with the MIL and I told her to run like the wind!!! The MIL doesn't like me already but I don't care she's a bag. Have a great day and if you need any help packing her let me know.
3 Blue Start Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Jan 06 2007 : 3:33:15 PM
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Oh, Diane, I've missed all these posts, I'm so sorry for your troubles!
Is there any way you can turn this from a "win-lose" situation to a "win-win"? I know it sounds simplistic.
I've written three responses in this block, then read them over and thought, what if my MIL or my stepmother, or anyone else in my family, read this post? so erased them. Some of the things I worry myself over in our family seem so trivial, but they are just so darn frustrating...
Just know that you are not alone in this!
Could it be a competition situation? She's lost her husband, so the main man in her life now is her son... if she loses him (to you or your daughters) then she will be totally bereft... Can you fix her up with another man her age? Maybe your problems will disappear if she finds a new interest in life?
Also remember that the best revenge is living well....
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
Edited by - brightmeadow on Jan 06 2007 3:34:48 PM |
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DaisyFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
1646 Posts
Diane
Victoria
BC
Canada
1646 Posts |
Posted - Jan 06 2007 : 6:04:45 PM
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I would LOVE nothing more than to turn this into a win-win situation Brenda and I'm certainly open to any ideas. I'm at a point where I'm beginning to not care anymore and am just happily living with my wonderful girls and dh and ignoring her, which makes her crazy when everyone is happy. No matter what you say to her, it is turned into something negative...every single time... simple example, "Happy New Year" results in the response "I don't know how happy it's going to be".
I give...
Di |
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vintagegrl
True Blue Farmgirl
280 Posts
Jeanette
NH
USA
280 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2007 : 05:49:56 AM
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| So your MIL is bummed when you don't pay attention to her craziness. Diane, seems like you hit the nail on the head. Genius!! Those who crave attention absolutly DIE when they don't get it. She sounds like an extremely frustrated, fearful, unhappy woman with more than a touch of mental illness. That being said, it's her problem, not yours. Google Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), she appears to fit the criteria for such a diagnoses. Especially with her talk of suicide, those with the BPD diagnoses often manipulate others with this. You may read that older people often don't have this disorder, don't you believe it! There may be a time when you do have to kick her to the curb, you may want to prepare for such a situation so that you're ready when the time comes. Your husbands' health is important, and you as the primary caretaker must ensure that you take care of yourself. Radical Self-Care. Good luck, I'm praying for you. |
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Family Matters: Anyone live with an inlaw?? HELP! |
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Anyone live with an inlaw?? HELP!
