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Here's to Your Health:  I'm not myself anymore, not sure what to do.  |
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katiedid
True Blue Farmgirl
601 Posts
Kate
West Jordan
Utah
USA
601 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 20 2006 : 9:36:23 PM
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You know, from my own personal experience, it was a combination of *alot* of things that got me through a really, really tough winter.
1. Medication. I was able to sleep, take better care of myself, and my family. I am not on an anti-depressant or anxiety meds anymore, but MAN they really helped when I needed them most. I know there are alot of stimgas with them (like Julia said) but really, medication can save lives.
2. Counseling. My husband and I went together; and I went alone; he went alone. Together we learned alot of coping strageties and skills, I learned to be a better communicator. Eldon learned what I needed, I learned what he needed. Truely, if we hadn't had all of the counseling I don't know if we would still be married....so sad, because he is my soulmate!!
3.Some serious support and down time!! I had family and friends who rallied around me..(after I let down my "happy face facade" and reached out to those who love me) Reach out...level with your family and friends..we all know what it is like to struggle! People will help!!
4. Taking a serious inventory of myself and my self care..I started a few weeks of what I call "Extreme Self Care" I take long bubble baths, I buy myself some of my favorite foods...even if it costs a few extra bucks for that GOOOOOOD chocolate. I make arrangements for a babysitter so I can go to the bookstore and browse. I take long lesuirely walks. I fix myself yummy dinners that ELdon and I eat by candlelight after the girls are sleeping. I get a massage. I get a new flowy skirt. I mostly eat really well...healthy, but good food...you know, homemade good food. I make a yummy pot pie with gravy, or homemade icecream....
4. I got on some good multi-vitamin and mineral supplements. I drank alot of water.
5. I got OUT! Here in Salt Lake City, we can have really long winter-time inversions, and the sun doesn't shine for days, even weeks on end in the valley...SO...I would bundle up my kids, and we would GO! To the children's museum, to thrift stores, to the park...Sometimes we would head up the mountains to the ski resorts, watch the skiers and just bask in the warm(ish) sun on our faces.
You know, as mothers we think that if we are putting ourselves last, we are doing the "best" for our kids and families, but really, we aren't. We are just dumping on ourselves. A happy, relaxed Mama = a happy relaxed home. There is nothing, NOTHING, that says we can't take good care of ourselves. We should...
Actually, I should be taking my own advice right now!! I am pretty sick, and could use a week or two of "Extreme Self Care"
Bobbi, I am thinking of you, and sending positive, healing, loving thougts to you.
Kate
my new blog http/www.theknifemakerswife.wordpress.com |
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Anastasia
True Blue Farmgirl
56 Posts
Anastasia
Telkwa
BC
Canada
56 Posts |
Posted - Nov 21 2006 : 2:35:39 PM
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Bobbi, I've been there and you have my hugs!!!
I totally agree with Julia and Kate; please please talk to your doctor. There are so many types of medications out there; if one doesn't work, try another. That's why we have them.
As one diagnosed with chronic depression, I speak from experience. I fought drugs for 10 years. I accomplished so much in that time and yet I look back now and wonder how much easier things may have been for me, emotionally and what-not, had I asked for help. But the stigma of being on drugs, of being depressed...people still say it's all in your head and you should just buck up and deal with it. My great aunt, dear as she was, would tell me that they didn't have 'all this stress nonesense' when she was growing up. It was difficult to bite my tongue with responses. My depression stems, apparently, from genetics. It would hit without warning, gradually worsening until I didn't want to wake up in the mornings. Ever again. The down cycle lasted about eight months and then things would pick up. Change, big life changes (like moving, building a house, etc.), can encourage this cycle. It's okay though, it's pretty normal in our overstressed world. :)
The biggest lift I get is exercise. I cannot stress this enough. Exercise, be it walking or at the gym or whatever, especially cardio, really really helps. It's super tough to start, to find the motivation when you are already so low, but the fact that you are reaching out for help now is a big thing.
Also, if you choose to try medications, the first week will be the worst. Your eyes feel buggy, you speak quickly, you are almost manic with energy and the like. After that balances out, I found it took just over four weeks for the meds to kick in. And the difference!!! So subtle, so incredibly subtle, but suddenly, one morning, life is no longer so overwhelming. You are fine with waking up again. Problems are more like challenges, and good ones at that.
Something to consider as well is that most new research suggests remaining on the drugs for at least one year, to help your body adjust and you to get back to yourself. It takes a few months to VERY slowly come off of them, if they are for you. If you stay on for a year, apparently there will be much less chance of you going back on them (unless you're a genetic case, like me, and then it's hit and miss).
Whatever you decide, good luck. Find someone to talk to, a women's group, somewhere where there isn't competition and maybe something that involves exercise.
Hugs,
Anastasia :)
"Speciality is for insects." -Robert Heinlen |
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Anastasia
True Blue Farmgirl
56 Posts
Anastasia
Telkwa
BC
Canada
56 Posts |
Posted - Nov 21 2006 : 2:37:37 PM
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One more note, please don't just take medication, should you choose that route. It is extremely important that you be monitored, preferably by a psychiatrist if your insurance covers you.
All my best,
Anastasia :)
"Speciality is for insects." -Robert Heinlen |
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Kelly43
True Blue Farmgirl
349 Posts
NJ
USA
349 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2006 : 07:15:44 AM
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Bobbi, I have just read this post for the first time and my heart completly goes out to you. I can also relate. I am going through the anticipation of what has happened to you possibly happening to me. We have lost a house we were trying to buy and where we live now may possibly be going on the market and we can not afford to buy it (we rent). We have alot of animals and have lived here 21 years. My parents are close by and my youngest daughter only has 2 more years of high school. If we have to move I will have to sell all my sheep and chickens and you never know if you can find a place that will allow you to keep a dog or cat. I realize you are living it and I am only anticipating but I have been getting very depressed lately too. My husband doesn't understand as he is much better at living in the moment than I am and he is not as attached to the animlas as I am. He is very good at dealing with what you have been delt. I have no advice for you as I know nothing about counseling or anti depressents as I have not sought out a dr., just trying to deal with it myself. I know what you mean about going out and doing ok and then coming home and just wanting to lay on the couch. What I can offer is a shoulder to lean on and my support to get through. Maybe if we realize we aren't in this alone we can get through. I do think you should seek out the counseling and/or medical help because you seem so very sad. I so wish I was closer because I would love to lay on the couch with you for 5 minutes then I would make us get up and do something!!! That is what we need. Just writing this is making me feel better. Like Christine, I offer my time to spend with you as I think I can relate, just e-mail me. We need to remember we have all these wonderful friends here that care about us very much and would all be at our doorstep if they could be. My love and hugs go out to you. I hope you are feeling better!!!
Kelly |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
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Whimsy_girl
True Blue Farmgirl
576 Posts
USA
576 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2006 : 2:26:43 PM
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I'm still stressed and bugged about the situation, but I've been forcing myself to do things that depressed people just don't do. I made a list with 2 columns, things I can control and things I can't, and there are a few things about this place that I have some control over that would make me feel better about my situation.
I cleaned out 2 of the junked vehicles that the previous people left here so that the junked vehicle people can come get them out of here.. thats a step towards making things a little better looking out in the yard.
We had thanksgiving with my husbands sister and because she is a ways away no one took home any leftovers.. both my family and my husbands parents were totally bummed about that, so I decided to do a second thankgiving here this evening so that we can all have turkey sandwiches all next week... so with the knowledge that I will have a houseful of people has me staying off the big comfy couch to get all the cooking done... The trailer still really sucks but getting over the fear of having people see how lame it is will really help my social life and my state of worry and embarassment when people come over. I mean once they have seen it it's done.. and I can breathe easier knowing I don't have to worry about people being in here and thinkin less of us for living here because after they have seen it and eaten good food here and lived to tell about it, maybe it won't seem so crappy.
I had two very sad moments of nearly dispair when I was sitting in the car first on the way to thanksgiving, and on the way back, so it seems like I just really have to stay busy.
My husband had his best friend and his girlfriend swing by and take me along to a hockey game last night and that was something new and different... so his support in trying to get me out and social is probably helping.
I have also started taking a B complex supplament along with my multivitamin, but I don't know if it's that helping or just my renewed determination to not be the person I feel like being.... so I guess I have been working really hard to apply the things that some of you have suggested here on the board.. I am still on the fence about meds and the expense of counsuling right now, but I do feel like I am more on the right track than I was when I posted the first time..
anyway.. it's probably good to know that I'm not giving into this without a fight.. sounds kind of dorky but I think it's a pretty positive step....
B
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive. |
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Clare
True Blue Farmgirl
2173 Posts
NC WA State
USA
2173 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2006 : 2:36:11 PM
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Bobbi, Good for you! It's called being "pro-active", and that is a VERY good thing. Change what you can, and deal with the rest. And sorting through all the advise offered and gleaning what will work for you now is also a good thing.
B complex vitamins have helped alot of people, and that is a step in the right direction. Kudos to your hubby for his support, too.
Keep focused on the path to all-around good health. 
Humor is the prelude to faith and Laughter is the beginning of prayer. -- Reinhold Niebuhr
http://farmstyle.blogspot.com
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junebug
True Blue Farmgirl
2421 Posts
Sue
West Plains,
Mo.
USA
2421 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2006 : 2:48:41 PM
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Bobbi, my heart goes out to you! I've never been depressed legally, but there have been depressing times that when I look back on them today, have made me the strong woman I never thought I could be. Our state of mind is not made up like a man's, so we take on the world and try to conquer it all alone. I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, and I would suggest to you to start a journal and write all this down and soon! Try hard to be thankful for what you have and work towards what you want. At my lowest in life, I lived in a cave, pregnant at that ( my first marriage) with little to eat because my hubby was a no good bum, and I was too young to know better. But, if it weren't for that stage in my life, I would never realize how good I had it, I came away being a much stronger and smarter woman, I knew my son would have to have better and we made it, just my son and I. Today, I can say, I've lived in better surroundings since then, and have found true happeness, all because I got pass that point and reached farther! Hang in there, stay healthy and keep a journal, it's great therapy! Hugs!!
Visit me at my blogs:
www.countrypleasures.blogspot.com
www.herbalfarmstead.blogspot.com
And my new food blog at: www.homesteadblogger.com/gardencafe
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lamarguerite farm
True Blue Farmgirl
649 Posts
missy
Battle Ground
Wa
USA
649 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2006 : 9:47:42 PM
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Bobbi- I wnet through the very same thing and the MD's kept trying to put me on antidepressants and valium and told me it was all in my head because their lab work would come back normal. I finally got help with a naturopath. I was under a HUGE amount of stress over 3-4 years with my family and I think your body has a way of telling you when enough is enough. I basically had an emotional and physical breakdown. My immune system was overwhelmed and I had developed systemic yeast because of being on so many antibiotics with sinus and throat infections. Your brain has a way of shutting down to protect itself when it can't take anymore. I remember feeling very disconnected from myself and others because of this. My body developed allergies to everything I was breathing, eating and touching. I found that a lot of the food sensetivities were causing some of the emotional issues I was having and I was having "dark thoughts" as well. Pretty scary stuff at times and I felt like the person I was had dissappeared. I remember mourning for myself. I just wanted to feel "normal " again. I would definately stay away from sugar and caffeine if you are experiencing anxiety. This will only intensify it. Even fruits and veggies high in sugar can give you problems. I would reccommend the book The yeast connection. I think if you read this book you will see yourself in it and it could be an eye opener for you. I also highly reccommend the Maker's Diet Book. This is not necessarily meant to lose weight, but is meant to be a healing and balancing diet. These two books and getting some help with detoxification from my naturopath have given me my life back. I was so bad before that I was nearly bed ridden and felt like I was losing my mind. Going through that has changed me in a lot of ways and I still struggle a little with fatigue and some fibromyalgia symptoms with the bad weather, but it definately forced me to refocus my life. I understand now how important it is to take care of myself. If you are running on empty, there's nothing left to give to yourself, let alone others. Please feel free to e-mail me privately and know that I'm here if you need someone to talk to. I really do understand what you are going through.
Love and Blessings,
Missy
If you have a dream, even if you don't feel qualified to accomplish it, just try your hardest.-Maggie Jensen
http://18happyhens.blogspot.com
http://LamargueriteFarm.etsy.com |
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lamarguerite farm
True Blue Farmgirl
649 Posts
missy
Battle Ground
Wa
USA
649 Posts |
Posted - Nov 26 2006 : 9:55:21 PM
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One thing I meant to say was keep a food diary for a couple of weeks. write down everything you eat throughout the day and then in a column next to it jot down any increased anxious or depressed thoughts you were having or any increased fatigue or body pain if you are experiencing that. You may or may not have any food sensetivities, but this is a really good way to rule it out
I also used distractions for the anxiety. Sometimes I would feel exhausted from keeping myself busy, but just keep pushing through it day by day. Continue to be proactive as you are and you WILL get through this. Let yourself cry if you need to cry. I remember feeling that If I let myself cry I wasn't sure if I could stop. Just let yourself feel what you are feeling and try to surround yourself with positive supportive people. I'll be praying for you!!
Love and Blessings,
Missy
If you have a dream, even if you don't feel qualified to accomplish it, just try your hardest.-Maggie Jensen
http://18happyhens.blogspot.com
http://LamargueriteFarm.etsy.com |
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peapodjane
True Blue Farmgirl
127 Posts
127 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2006 : 04:09:13 AM
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I am glad that you are able "to do", it sounds as though you are taking each step as things come up, cheers to you on that...and you are correct moving around, be it housework, or yardwork etc. is good. I would like to support that yes, you have to go through the advice, and experience of others here and choose for yourself, I see so much warmth being sent your way. Also, if people are coming to see where you live, that ( though it is hard to feel this at times) is their issue, I would think that they want to see and enjoy you and being with you. That is what is important, I hope that that is what they are truely doing. You sound like a caring, real, person. As I read through all the posts again, I can see that you have a definite extended family here!
Sending best wishes.
peapodjane |
Edited by - peapodjane on Nov 27 2006 04:12:14 AM |
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beachbuminthecountry
Farmgirl in Training
31 Posts
Effort
PA
USA
31 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2006 : 11:52:13 AM
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Hello Whimsygirl I think Armywifey is on the right track about the adrenal glands. Here is some info that may help:
Introduction to Adrenals and Adaptogens
Adaptogens are a class of herbs that help the body manage adrenal hormones correctly. While licorice feeds the actual adrenal glands, these herbs act not on the gland but on the receptor sites for the hormones. If we were talking about baseball, the glands would be the pitcher, the hormones the baseball, and the catcher is the receptor site.
When we've been overstressed for too long, our receptor sites go away. It's part of the checks and balance system, a way to have two ons and two offs. Let the pitcher keep pitching, but take the catcher out of the equation - ball never lands.
So then our adrenals run out of balls to throw, we're not catching half the ones that are thrown, presto, adrenal exhaustion results.
This is why all chemical highs eventually build up tolerance and crash.
When the adrenals are in over-production mode and we're still catching, our symptoms are:
fatigue
sugar cravings
allergies
multiple chemical sensitivity
palpitations
aches and pains
arthritis
irritabilitiy
intolerance to cold
decreased concentration.
When the adrenals have been totally drained, we then get:
fatigue
weight gain around waist
insomnia
elevated triglycerides
anxiety
stress
reduced libido
hair loss
increased facial/body hair (women)
acne
memory lapses
Wonky adrenals severely impairs our ability to utilize minerals and certain B vitamins, making remineralization and skin food crucial.
To manage the body's receptivity to hormones, you can take a supplement of adaptogenic herbs. The most famous adaptogenic herb is ginseng. Here is a list:
Ginseng (Asian and Siberian)
Licorice
Rehmannia
Schizandra
Codonopsis
Atractylodes
Astragalus
Gotu Kola
Aswagandha
Reishi
Adrenal Support
To regulate the adrenals, the first step is to avoid stress of all kinds. If you used to get a high from meeting intense deadlines, being in on the wild gossip, watching scary movies, indulsing in road rage, quit cold turkey. Start meditating and detaching from your emotions. If you do get mad or stressed, walk for 20 minutes.
The second step is to quit all caffeine, even green tea. After a month or two you can have green tea again. Caffeine makes us energetic because it tells the adrenals to pump out adrenaline.
The third step is a no-sugar, low-glycemic diet that supports the liver. The adrenals are part of the feedback system that tells the pancreas how much insulin to release into the bloodstream to manage blood glucose.
Ashwaganda regulates the adrenals and is safe to take for a month to three months.
Licorice Root feeds the adrenals, and is safe to take for a month if you're estrogen dominant, longer if you are not. You should also be getting plenty of potassium and calcium, as licorice root tends to leach you of these vital nutrients. Potassium Broth, kefir, broccoli soup, and Calcium/Magnesium/Zinc supplements are highly recommended.
Gotu Kola is a nervine, which means it feeds the brain and nervous system. It also feeds the endocrine system as well and has a very nice energizing, yet calming affect. It's much like caffeine without any of the negative side effects.
Take the RDA of Vitamin B1 daily, and a tablespoon of lecithin, or a choline supplement (much more expensive than lecithin). Also important are Vitamin C, Iodine, Nickel and Tin.
Eat Bieler Broth as often as possible. Bieler Broth is full of safe, organic salts, which feed the adrenals.
If you have a bad case of Addison's Disease, you may want to take Gland Caps. You should only take Adrenal Support Gland Caps as a single supplement if you are under the care of a practioner, but it is pretty safe to take a full-spectrum (all the glands) gland cap support such as Solaray's for 2-3 weeks.
Some practitioners prescribe Cortisol to replace what the adrenals aren't putting out. This is risky and should only be done after both saliva and blood tests, and in very small amounts to start with. The practitioner should have an end date in mind, this is not something to take indefinitely.
As always, liver cleansing and semi-fasting will speed up recovery times.
If you also have low stomach acid, then you are deficient in Nickel. Nickel is actually an essential trace mineral and its lack will lead to adrenal insuficiency. Supplementing with zinc and vitamin E will further reduce nickel, so if you need Skin Food, are getting lots of Skin Food and have low adrenals, eat foods rich in nickel to maintain the balance: legumes, peas, kichadi, hot whole grain cereals, oysters.
Thank you and God Bless
BB
If Satan comes knocking at your door, just say " Jesus can you get that for me" |
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Kelly43
True Blue Farmgirl
349 Posts
NJ
USA
349 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2006 : 4:50:05 PM
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Bobbi, hang in there, you'll make it, even if it is one day at a time. I'm glad to see you trying and congrats to your husband for trying too. You are in this together (along with all of us farmgals) and I know 'we " can make it. Make us your journal if that would work. We all care!!!!!
Kel |
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lamarguerite farm
True Blue Farmgirl
649 Posts
missy
Battle Ground
Wa
USA
649 Posts |
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katiedid
True Blue Farmgirl
601 Posts
Kate
West Jordan
Utah
USA
601 Posts |
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Whimsy_girl
True Blue Farmgirl
576 Posts
USA
576 Posts |
Posted - Dec 11 2006 : 09:39:40 AM
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I'm still around, I just haven't had much to report. I had a visit 2 weeks ago to the second opinion doctor who said the way I am reacting to everything is actually kind of normal for as many stressors as are going on in my life. He recommended seeing a counsular who we discovered was out of our network for insurance entirely, my husband researched the insurance part of it more and realized that he was mistaken and that the 500.00 deductable thing only applies to an inpatient type thing.. so actually right now I am printing out a list of people who are covered for me to go to and at my follow up appointment today I am going to ask him who on that list is good.
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive. |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
Posted - Dec 11 2006 : 09:56:33 AM
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Good to hear from you Bobbie. And good for you just because!!
www.strawberryhillsfarm.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
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DaisyFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
1646 Posts
Diane
Victoria
BC
Canada
1646 Posts |
Posted - Dec 11 2006 : 10:36:02 AM
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Bobbi, I think you're stronger than you feel right now. It's very difficult to have to admit to needing help, much less seeking it out yourself when life's circumstances leave you feeling so beat up. You're going to be just fine.
Warm wishes and a big hug.
Di |
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katiedid
True Blue Farmgirl
601 Posts
Kate
West Jordan
Utah
USA
601 Posts |
Posted - Dec 11 2006 : 10:54:03 AM
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Bobbi! So glad to hear from you! I was just reading a self-health type book, and it had a quiz, and the higher your score, the higher your risk for stess induced problems...and you are right!!! SOOO many of the very things you have gone through the last year are on the list!!
I am glad to hear you are looking into counseling, and "keeping your head up"
Take care, and know that a FarmGirl here in Utah is pulling for you...
I know first hand, how hard it is to carry on when you have kids, BUT I also know that many times it has been my girls that keep me going.
Love and light to you
Kate
my new blog http/www.theknifemakerswife.wordpress.com |
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blueroses
True Blue Farmgirl
1323 Posts
Debbie
in the Pandhandle of
Idaho
USA
1323 Posts |
Posted - Dec 11 2006 : 1:54:03 PM
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Hi Bobbi,
Been thinking about you. I'm glad to hear that you can go to a counselor. It can really help to vocalize your feelings to an impartial third party. Remember - we love you.
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
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Libbie
Farmgirl Connection Cultivator
3579 Posts
Anne E.
Elsinore
Utah
USA
3579 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2006 : 10:59:17 AM
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Hi, Bobbi! I was so glad to see your update post - you're in my thoughts and prayers - it takes one strong farmgirl to realize that if you don't put yourself at the top of the list of things to take care of, you can't take care of anybody else! Love and wonderful thoughts...
And TWO FarmGirls here in Utah pulling for you!
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
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sonflowergurl
True Blue Farmgirl
349 Posts
Katee
Tampa 'Burbs
FL
USA
349 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2006 : 8:38:25 PM
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Bobbi,
I went through this exact thing the past two years. The first year we were in a small apartment and money was super tight. Last year, after some job/housing changes, I found myself in an even worse funk than I'd been in the year before. We were living in a tiny double-wide trailer, it was super dumpy and had tons of problems. It was on an acre, which was good and bad...I felt like I was on a small farm, but then it was overwhelming to keep up with the lawn. I had a couple of really bad breakdowns, but I made myself pick myself back up by my bootstraps the next day and keep plodding on. I didn't do the meds, probably should've, but now that we're out of that place my outlook is MUCH better! Just hang in there, it IS only temporary, and once you get into your new place, you'll be amazed at how quickly it all really happened.
Katee
A life without love is like a year without summer.
"Looking Toward the Son"---- http://sonflowergirl731.blogspot.com
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CountryGirl85
True Blue Farmgirl
225 Posts
Laura
Oswego
IL
USA
225 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2006 : 1:52:14 PM
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Hey there Bobbi,
I, too, know how you feel. Four years ago I had a terrible encounter with depression and anxiety. I remember my first anxiety attack happened at the movie theater. My heart raced, I felt out of place, and felt really scared for no reason. It went away pretty quickly, so I didn't think anything of it. The next few days brought on more attacks. Well, it was more like being in a constant state of anxiety. My chest was tight, I had a lump in my throat, and I just felt terrified that something was really wrong with me. So my mom took me to the ER. My pulse was sky high! I got chest x-rays, an EKG, blood tests, and pumped up with anti-anxiety drugs through an IV. The ER doc referred me to an endocrinologist because my thyroid was high. I was sent home with drugs to slow my rapid pulse and valium to calm me down and help me sleep. Things got worse when I went home. I had these awful tremors, dry heaves, couldn't eat, and didn't sleep for days. The valium made me feel weird, like I was looking down on myself, so I stopped taking that. I was all clear with the endocrinologist and my repeat blood test came back ok. By this point, I wanted desperately for them to find something wrong with me so it could be fixed! I thought I was going crazy! I also had terribly dark thoughts that I didn't want to have. It was this strange irrational fear of hurting myself or others, something I would never even consider doing, not ever. I was just so scared that I would never feel happy again. And if you've ever felt this kind of depression, you know what I'm taking about. I cried and cried and cried. Thank God I had my mom there to comfort me. I ended up going to an outpatient psychiatric program where they promptly prescribed anti-depressants and a sleep aid. I was there for a week and it did help. I also discovered my depression got worse a week or two before my period. I was on birth control to help regulate my period and had stopped not long before this happened, so I went back on it. I think the thing that frustrated me the most was the lack of explanation for why I was feeling like this. One doctor said it was something in my past, another that it's a chemical imbalance. It was like a guessing game, that classic nature vs. nurture thing. In the next few months, I had my meds upped twice and have been on that dosage for four years now. Just remember, this too shall pass. Every time I went through an episode, I told myself it's ok. It will pass, it always does. Sometimes I wish I could go back with the knowledge I have now and do things differently. Herbs, meditation, Indian healing ceremony, whatever! I don't feel like I'm "cured" but more like I'm treated. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy and have been doing well for a long time; but I don't want to have to rely on drugs forever. Maybe I won't have to and maybe I will. Whatever you do, make sure you get the help you deserve. It doesn't have to be from a doctor or from pills. Just always remember that there is help available to you from countless sources and no reason is a good reason to give up the fight. I'm sure things will get better for you. Don't focus on what you had to give up or what you don't have at your new residence, focus on what you do have. Your life, your husband, your children, family, the hope that things will get better. Rejoice in the good. Pray, sing, believe in something, in the power of God, Nature, man, to heal you. Just because it's a cloudy day doesn't mean the sun isn't shining. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
All the best to you,
Laura
http://thecraftycatgirl.blogspot.com
"In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." Anne Frank |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Dec 28 2006 : 04:26:03 AM
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Hello Bobbi. I guess we've all been there. Way back I told my doctor that I was a little depressed and couldn't sleep and he gave me a prescription for something (I can't remember now what it was) but it made me suicidal!!! So after that I've been really leary of trying any kind of medication, but right now I've been on the generic brand of paxil for about two years, maybe a little bit more. With it I have weight gain and being in my fifties and having had a hysterectomy in March of 2005, well, I can;'t get the weight off......... but I ran out of the pills one time and waited a few days before I went to the drugstore, WOW, how horrible I felt!!! Dizzy mainly.........but I felt horrible. I want so badly to stop taking it but I guess I'd need to take time off from work so I could and it does keep me on an even keel ...........aaakkkk!! I'm not trying to lessen what you are going through, just telling you that you have company, if that helps. Please try to keep your chin up, all of us farmgirls are pulling for you. I know I love everyone here, everyone is soooo kind. take care......farmgirl hugs!! Georgette
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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Whimsy_girl
True Blue Farmgirl
576 Posts
USA
576 Posts |
Posted - Dec 28 2006 : 07:30:50 AM
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Thanks everyone for your kind words. I started counsuling two weeks ago, I have only been once due to the holiday season combined with only being able to get there in the evenings when my husband can watch the girls, but I actually started feeling better after the first visit.. I guess hearing a professional say that all this is pretty normal helped in itself. Part of it sounded a little cheesy but according to him, he and I are going to go on a little "journey" together to help me to get in touch with my own identity because he thinks I had myself defined by my family and the home I left behind, and when I lost all of that I lost who I was as well.
I can agree with that part of it.. but the "journey" sounds a little like Reading Rainbow to me, but maybe the girls and I watch too much PBS to make a safe judgement. I have my sardonic sense of humor working again though so I guess I must be on the right track.
Hal is really happy I am seeing someone, and we have the financial part of it worked out now so I don't have to feel like I am sucking up our families resources to get on the ball with this, which takes a load off too.
Christmas was great. My husbands family makes a huge deal out of it so we had a great time and it's more like a weeklong feast than just Christmas with them. We still have a fridge full of fudge and cookies and ham and wine and goodness knows what else is in the bag that just showed up in there. Now that I live so close they have noticed just how much I need to update my wardrobe (being on my knees with the kids so much, I don't think I have a pair of pants without threadbare or hole-y knees) So they all got me gift cards to Ross (a discount clothes store) and after 2 gift exchanges and the big christmas morning at our house and then his moms house, after being given cards of 10 dollars here and 15 dollars there it came to a total of about 75.00, so I'm pretty excited about that, I don't think I have been clothes shopping since I bought maternity clothes and a couple of pairs of stretchy pants for after having JoJo.
I guess there is nothing like the prospect of new clothes to bring a girl out of a funk. ;)
I'm sort of using this as my occasional bloggy blog or sounding board as I am taking my journey or whatever, so as long as I'm not boring everyones pants off I'll just keep at it.. it seems to be helping.
(and to those of you who have personally e-mailed me, I'm sorry I haven't responded.. I think it's so sweet, and the support is great, but I just don't know what to really say.. I sit and re read them, and start a response, and then criticize it and eventually delete it, but don't go thinking it's unappriciated, I just can't bring myself to hit "send")
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive. |
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Here's to Your Health: I'm not myself anymore, not sure what to do. |
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I'm not myself anymore, not sure what to do.
