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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Is this neglect?  |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
 Posted - May 22 2013 : 2:39:46 PM
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Go ahead and say its none of my business, but I am concerned about a child I have never met. My daughter worked with her yesterday and from what I have heard I am afraid this child is due for a world of pain in the future.
DD is an experienced dance teacher. Yesterday she worked with another younger teacher's class at the dance school. One 7 year old girl was immediately a problem. When DD spoke with the usual teacher, she said that the girl's parents had said they don't discipline her and don't want anyone else to do so. She has been trying to teach for months as this girl runs wild. Isn't that neglect to be raising a child that can't get along with anyone? She runs around and screams, only will participate when she wants to and is rude to both other students and teachers, not having a clue about how to get along with anyone. The other kids mostly avoid her and act like they don't want to be near her. I can understand there are a lot of parenting styles and
many work out but how can this? We homeschooled our kids and the other homeschoolers I knew raised kids that were a joy to be around. This family homeschools so they don't have a school influence either.
Do you agree with me?
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9324 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9324 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2013 : 2:49:45 PM
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Everyone has different ideas on parenting. Though it may sound like neglect it is not a situation I personally would want to step into. I do wonder if the teacher would have a problem asking that the child leave the class since she obviously has no interest in really learning dance. What happens when recital time comes and she can't keep up? Or is she learning? Though I would think not if her time is spent distracting others in the class or trying to anyway. Tough call.
farm girl sister#43
http://www.ladybugsandlilacs.blogspot.com/
O, a trouble's a ton or a trouble's an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it!
And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that counts,
But only--how did you take it?
--Edmund C. Vance.
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shanda
True Blue Farmgirl
522 Posts
Shanda
Broken Bow
OK
USA
522 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2013 : 2:51:54 PM
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What we see as neglect, the parents see as freedom. I am not agreeing with it,
I like discipline and controlled children. I think we do a disservice to our children when we don't teach them self-control. And the parents are going to reap what they soe. And the child will pay for the parents choices. (just like our children will)
But I also believe in the rights of a parent to decide what's best for their family. As long as it's not abuse. That is a hard line to find sometimes, but we have to protect parenting rights as much as we have to protect children. I certainly don't have any answers, but I wish the dance teachers "good luck" with this child!
Shanda
Farmgirl #4233 |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2013 : 2:57:53 PM
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wow, thats a tuff call, but if it was me, I would want a sit down with both parents, and no child present...talk to them frankly, but calmly, ask them to either teach their child respect and manners, or remove their child from the class because said child is disrupting it for all...as far as abuse goes, she could talk to someone at childrens services, and see what they say...but either way, that child is only gonna get worse with age, good luck world...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2013 : 3:24:50 PM
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I personally see it as neglect, how ever it is not legal neglect.
That being said how will these children learn to work for any one else?
We also homeschool, and while I don't want maybe my children to be disciplined by another I do want them to follow the rules, etc, of where they are at, and if not then I need to know and take action, or if things don't change then I would expect my children to suffer what ever consequences came with not following said rules. Rules are just a part of life no matter who you are, or you live, work etc.
Personally, as a school, you can deny any client legally. I personally would not teach a child who was not going to be having to abide by the same rules as the rest of the class.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2013 : 6:31:14 PM
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It doesn't sound like the legal definition of neglect, but they sure are setting their child up for failure. If I were teaching the class, I would just calmly explain that if the child continues to be disruptive, she will no longer be able to attend. Plain and simple.
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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SandraM
True Blue Farmgirl
295 Posts
Sandra
Coldwater
Michigan
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2013 : 06:27:06 AM
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I think the parents need to learn about natural consequences of behavior. This child would not be allowed in my class if she couldn't control herself.
Whether they want to discipline her or not, society will and they are not as loving as a parent. So it is sad for this girl really.
Sandra
www.mittenstatesheepandwool.com |
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wildflower17
True Blue Farmgirl
3043 Posts
Judy
KY
USA
3043 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2013 : 11:56:52 AM
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Is it possible that this child could possibly have things going on in the home other than parents neglecting to control her behavior. I worked with children for over 25 years and much of the time...a child having such behaviors are many times using an activity like this to let out their anger and frustration. Also, a child this age could have physical or mental issues not yet diagnosed. Some children with autistic tendencies have behavior such as this. Asperger's Syndrome children many times act out and have a difficult time relating to other children...so they just misbehave because they really don't know how to act in social settings. Many times...parents do not want to deal with this and they just let the child go(they are drained from dealing with this behavior all the time)...And as has been discussed in prior posts...the child may not have any discipline at home.
I have relatives with children who have both of the above disabilities. I have seen this kind of behavior many times in these young children. The old saying..."Some people can't get along with anybody"...unfortunately can be true...especially in children with Asperger's Syndrome which as I said before does affect their relationships with others and how they relate to others in social situations. There could be numerous reasons for the negative behavior. Let's pray that God will help the little girl and her family.
"Blessed Beyond Measure"!!!
"Country Girl at Heart"... |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2013 : 1:00:18 PM
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Thanks for the input, ladies.
Judy, I think your comment about prayer is a very important one, that is something we can do. You may be right, it could be that her parents don't know what to do, and don't want to admit there is a problem. It is true that kids with autism spectrum conditions or other undiagnosed problems can have trouble relating to others. Even a normal child is unlikely to behave with others unless they learn the skills involved. If families have a child go through preschool screening, which is free in our community, sometimes difficulties are found. As a retired elementary and reading remediation teacher and know from experience that for the first few of years there are kids in the system who have difficulites for unknown reasons and they are gradually identified, often before 3rd grade.
Denise,
I have no personal connection to the situation, just concern. As far as her dance teacher goes, she should discuss it with their boss if the parents want to enroll her next year. Their recital is over and she may not be returning in the fall. It isn't fair to either the teacher or the other kids with the constant competition for attention.
Shanda,
I agree, that as a parent, I did not want someone judging my choices in dealing with my own children, and I am sure these parents would have that same feeling. Protecting parents rights is important unless the child is actually being hurt.
Tina,
If she was my student I would want to talk with the parents privately and express my concerns, but she isn't. My feeling is that they need someone to let them know for the child's good.
Stephanie and Sandra,
thank you too for your comments. Thank you for understand my concern.
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2013 : 6:06:58 PM
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I just wanted to add that as a parent of an autistic child, I would definitely not want my child to be considered disruptive to a group. Yes, I want him to have every opportunity to participate just like the other kids, but some activities just aren't going to be a good fit. If this child is on the spectrum, she may have issues with noises, lights or just being in a big group of kids. In either case, I think a talk with the parents is long overdue.
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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Lanna
True Blue Farmgirl
330 Posts
Lanna
A little town in Idaho
330 Posts |
Posted - Jun 05 2013 : 01:27:31 AM
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It's not neglect, it's just... bad parenting. And sadly, some people of my generation (I'm 30-something) that have had stuff handed to them on a platter thing parenting should be the same way - little to no hard work. Their special little snowflake can do no wrong, even if they're beating up another child down the street (yes, I've seen it again and again with a few friends).
I've had people tell me I'm a horrible, no good, bad parent because we chose to homebirth our last three children and homeschool/unschool to the beat of our own drum (which, to some, is also super irresponsible). But the thing is, we take *responsibility* for that. When we make a decision, we own it, for better or worse.
It sounds like those parents just want to be their child's friend rather than a parent, and are shying away from being responsible and taking charge of the situation (says the gal who's given neighbors a photo of me and the kids, put their names on it, and my phone numbers in case the neighbors see something my kids shouldn't be doing, or just want to get ahold of me to say hi).
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Lanna, homeschooling mama to four little monkeys that still try to jump on the bed |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Sep 26 2013 : 09:01:09 AM
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Susan,
I know I am REALLY late to this conversation, but I agree with another poster that this may not be neglect, but it's bad parenting and, frankly, just rude of the parents.
I have seen behavior like you described from parents and kids A LOT over the years. I had to even tell some family members of mine to stop visiting my house for this very same reason - they didn't discipline their kids for unacceptable behavior and wouldn't let me, either (and some of their behavior included drawing on my walls, pulling down my curtains and turning on our TV without permission - this last part is a huge no-no in our house!) Sometimes all you can do is tell these families they can't return until they are willing to be civilized.
How did this situation turn out?
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Is this neglect? |
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Is this neglect?
