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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Oppositional or Explosive teen?  |
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ProgressiveHomemaker
True Blue Farmgirl
218 Posts
Rachell
Mars Hill
NC
USA
218 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 08 2013 : 9:17:54 PM
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I'm having issues with my 15 year old son and would like to confide in others who might know what I am going through.
Rachell in WNC
Life's short. Make today count. |
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cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2349 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2349 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2013 : 9:24:59 PM
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Hey there, Rachell. I have only raised daughters, so I may not be able to fully understand the issues. I'm confident that there are some farmgirls here that will have listening ears and sound advice.
Although I haven't raised boys, ANY teenager can be a challenge. Take a deep breath. Know that you are not alone. Most of all, know that you are a good mom and you will make it through this.
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
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shanda
True Blue Farmgirl
522 Posts
Shanda
Broken Bow
OK
USA
522 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2013 : 9:43:44 PM
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My adopted daughter was diagnosed with ODD when she was four. And after years over horrid behavior, She seems to have outgrown most if not all the issues (leaving me to wonder if it was really ODD or just her previous situation). But I've read a lot about ODD, and I will pray for you and your son. I don't really have any advise, just support and hugs.
Shanda
Farmgirl #4233 |
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4737 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4737 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2013 : 07:02:15 AM
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I have 3 sons. The oldest two were 18 and 21 when my little one was born. When the older two were in their teens all they could do was argue, argue, argue with me. If I said it was morning at 8 a.m. they would disagree. It was very draining and exhausting. They also fought with each other all the time. It was difficult and I don't look forward to repeating those teen years with my 9 year old.
If you feel your son is going beyond the "normal" arguing and general grumpiness of a teen, then I strongly suggest you talk to his doctor or pediatrician. It would be good to rule out anything medical. If possible, try to talk to his high school counselor or school psychiatrist, without his knowledge that is. Nothing infuriates a teenager more then thinking their parent went behind their back.
Lots of prayer, patience, and counseling will help. These next 4 years or so can be pretty tough, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Hang in there!
Dawn in IL |
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ProgressiveHomemaker
True Blue Farmgirl
218 Posts
Rachell
Mars Hill
NC
USA
218 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2013 : 7:10:44 PM
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Thank you for your input and encouragement. I've had a rough week with him. He is 15 and has been having issues for about 3 years now. I am hoping he will grow out of it eventually maybe after his hormones level out but ma, I hope we make it that far without an arrest or injury or worse happening. He is just so smart and so fed up with life including suffering/death. At his worst he has hit me. He has not done that in a while so I know he is trying hard to control his rages. He does still damage things, like holes in walls but I do see that as better than hitting me. He gets SO angry over EVERY little thing. His biggest trigger is computer usage. If I try to limit him or if our shoddy internet connection is giving him issues he just FREAKS out! I have talked to his doc and have tried counselling and even tried calling the police once who arrested him and put him in jail for the night for hitting me in a rage. It was SUCH a hassle for the whole family going through all of the legal proceedings that had to happen after that. I feel most bad about the fact that under all his rage is is very sad about life. So if I push him too far he gets really suicidal. Thank you all for listening.
http://progressivehomemaker.wordpress.com/ Homemaking is not just for conservatives anymore!
So progressive, I'm old-fashioned!
Life's short. Make today count. |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2013 : 9:18:46 PM
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wow to me that would for sure be the end of pc and internet usage, something seems unusually over the top about being suicidal about such.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Devongal
True Blue Farmgirl
104 Posts
Vanessa
Okehampton
Devon
United Kingdom
104 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2013 : 02:43:49 AM
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Hi Rachell. So sorry to hear you are having so many issues with youre son. I to have had many challenging years with mine,until finally he was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, then it all dropped into place.Once we realised what was causing his behaviour issues, we learnt new ways of communicating with him and understanding him. it was hard on all of us for many years untill we reached this point. Still now we have issues,but we deal with things slightly diffently, know what his triggers are and can quickly see his changes in behaviour and when an episode is due to start up again.Once we all knew there was a specific reason for his behaviour, a huge weight was lifted from our shoulders, it didnt really change who he was, but both he and us learned to deal with things very differently.I hope this has been helpful for you. Dont loose hope, hugs ,Vanessa.
So much to do, so little time :) |
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4737 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4737 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2013 : 08:15:32 AM
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Rachell, I'm sorry you and your family are going through this very difficult time. Your son needs a full evaluation to find out if he falls under the Autism spectrum. Your doctor should refer you to a qualified psychiatrist for this. There are home autism behavioral programs that will help your son cope with the world around him. Please get him evaluated now, don't wait! Avoid any more episodes and find out what exactly is going on with him.
You're both in my prayers.
Dawn in IL |
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rksmith
True Blue Farmgirl
858 Posts
Rachel
Clayton
GA
USA
858 Posts |
Posted - Feb 14 2013 : 4:47:20 PM
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I second the opinion to take him in for a complete psychiatric workup and evaluation, especially if he has already has episodes of violence, abuse and suicidal tendencies. My suggestion is to take him to an inpatient clinic and have him admitted for a while to do a thorough workup to get to the root of his problems and go from there. Without help he will most likely get worse, the rage will get harder to control and someone will end up seriously injured or even dead. It's never easy when your child is behaving in such a way and with the stigma attached to psychiatric disorders and treatment well that doesn't make it any easier. However it is far more important to push that all aside and get him (as well as the rest of the family) some help. Most clinics have sessions to help the entire family, if none is available they should at least be able to point you in the right direction. Out of curiosity, what does his diet consist of? If you'd rather discuss more privately, feel free to email me. I've seen this both at the office where I work and with my niece.
Rachel
Farmgirl Sister #2753
True enlightenment is nothing but the nature of one's own self being fully realised-- His Holiness the Dali Lama
www.madameapothecary.com |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2013 : 4:42:25 PM
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Oh Rachell, you certainly have your hands full, don't you. I am sending you a great BIG hug. BREATHE!!
I am a psychiatric RN with a long history of caring for adolescents. This is my opinion. If your son is having rage to the point of physical abuse to you and/or punching holes in the wall, he needs anger management courses and probably meds and therapy. Please take his suicidal stuff seriously. Ask him if he wants to harm himself. If kids aren't already thinking about suicide, you asking him won't make him consider it but if he is thinking about it, you need to know that. The chemicals in his brain are screwed up and he probably needs meds to fix that-probably a mood stablizer and maybe antidepressants. It is hard to give concrete advice without seeing your son. PLEASE take this seriously. Talk to him school. Please get him evaluated by professionals. He may need impatient treatment but may be able to be managed outpt.
Please feel free to e-mail me. I have worked with teens off and on for 40 years and they are my favorite patients. Know that I am here to support you and give viral hugs whenever you need them. Take care of yourself. My care and support goes out to your son too. Please tell me his name so I can pray more directly for him. Hugs, Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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ProgressiveHomemaker
True Blue Farmgirl
218 Posts
Rachell
Mars Hill
NC
USA
218 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2013 : 5:58:41 PM
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Thank you all for your input. He has been to see a psychiatrist twice now and both times they said he had anger management issues and that was it. They prescribed Prozac to him both times and both times he declined to take it. I have mixed feelings about him taking meds anyways, so I did not push. I myself take a low dose prozac daily to take the edge off some anxiety/panic issues I have but I am not sure giving adolescents, who are already a sea of fluctuating hormones, more chemicals on top.
He has been going to see a new therapist (we are in a new area now) for the last month and it seems to be helping. He still has loud verbal outbursts and still speaks negatively of having ever been born whenever he is frustrated, but he is not acting out physically at all and he has even agreed to go spend time with his aging grandparents where he has NO access to computers. He comes home Thursday and will have been gone 1 week without computers and without any negative issues at his grandparents house.
I just thought I would share an update for those of you who took the time to read and respond to my post. Thank you.
http://progressivehomemaker.wordpress.com/ Homemaking is not just for conservatives anymore!
So progressive, I'm old-fashioned!
Life's short. Make today count. |
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rksmith
True Blue Farmgirl
858 Posts
Rachel
Clayton
GA
USA
858 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2013 : 6:32:19 PM
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That is an awesome update. Hopefully the situation will continue to turn more positive with him.
Rachel
Farmgirl Sister #2753
True enlightenment is nothing but the nature of one's own self being fully realised-- His Holiness the Dali Lama
www.madameapothecary.com |
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HolidayJunkie
True Blue Farmgirl
55 Posts
Michelle
Northglenn
Colorado
USA
55 Posts |
Posted - Mar 26 2013 : 12:00:57 AM
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That is an awesome update. Hopefully it will all work out with therapy, but really at some point if it doesn't, don't hesitate to medicate if he's being followed by a good doctor. My daughter is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and it's hard. 90% of the time, life is good. But when it's bad..it's bad. The outburst are unbearable and beyond her control at those moments. Being the mom, I really understand her, where others don't. It takes alot of work and can be draining..I'm not going to lie. Just have faith in him and keep communicating. I can't say it enough..Communicating..good or bad, is the key!
Blog: http://confessionsofaholidayjunkie.blogspot.com/
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/holidayjunkie/ |
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ProgressiveHomemaker
True Blue Farmgirl
218 Posts
Rachell
Mars Hill
NC
USA
218 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2013 : 10:20:09 AM
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Yes, about my son, when he is good, he is very, very good (hero and leadership material) but when he is bad, he's horrid, so I get what you mean, HolidayJunkie. Again, I am not opposed to him taking meds, but how do you medicated someone who refuses? In the meantime, I am going to try to focus on the positive and keep moving forward.
Thank you all for your input and ideas.
http://progressivehomemaker.wordpress.com/ Homemaking is not just for conservatives anymore!
So progressive, I'm old-fashioned!
Life's short. Make today count. |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2013 : 10:31:06 AM
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Personally if it came down to it, he wouldn't have a choice in my house Rachell, if I felt he really truly needed medication and refused then he wouldn't be allowed to live with me any longer-too dangerous. He would have to be institutionalized....or take his medication. But, that's just from my side of things, I know it must be very hard to be living this!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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ProgressiveHomemaker
True Blue Farmgirl
218 Posts
Rachell
Mars Hill
NC
USA
218 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2013 : 10:34:42 AM
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So you'd kick him out, Heather? No, I'm not willing to write him off.
http://progressivehomemaker.wordpress.com/ Homemaking is not just for conservatives anymore!
So progressive, I'm old-fashioned!
Life's short. Make today count. |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2013 : 11:11:25 AM
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Not exactly kick him out if he was under age, but I would put him in a institution for his own safety and mine. But, again only IF I truly believed he needed medication. In the meantime, I wouldn't allow any kind of priveledges with out taking his meds-no car, no screen time, etc etc. A bed and food would all that I would provide.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2013 : 11:13:20 AM
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BTW, I just want to say I seen this played out with my uncles. Both should of been institutionalized and grandma never would kick them out... neither ever had a real job, or did anything to contribute to society in the least, in and out of prison....shortly after grandma died the youngest uncle died (he's only a few years older then me), and right now the other uncle is pretty much homeless....never learned to "deal" on his own. Grandma thought she was helping them while alive, but really only inabled them. Meanwhile they would beat her up, push her down stairs, and steal all her money, etc.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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ProgressiveHomemaker
True Blue Farmgirl
218 Posts
Rachell
Mars Hill
NC
USA
218 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2013 : 1:49:56 PM
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So long as I see progress and effort on his part to improve, I will not try to force him to take meds. He is still under age (15) and we will not expect him to leave home until he reaches the age of majority. Hopefully by then his hormones will level out and he will get past all this. In the meantime, his only privilege is computer usage which he gets when its earned via a combination of chores, homeshooling and attitude/behavior.
Some days suck and its hell around here and other days we do just fine. I am trying to focus on the positive and hope for the best.
http://progressivehomemaker.wordpress.com/ Homemaking is not just for conservatives anymore!
So progressive, I'm old-fashioned!
Life's short. Make today count. |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Oppositional or Explosive teen? |
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Oppositional or Explosive teen?
