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Parenting & Farm Kids:  "NO NO NO!!!! I don't WANT Corn Bacall!"  |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 16 2012 : 12:57:16 PM
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Was what was yelled at me last night after putting a half corn on the cob on Violet's plate (after she helped shuck it and then asked for some for supper).
I'm still struggling to get this child to eat something other than chicken nuggets and sweet potato fries, or peanut butter and bacon sandwiches.
I feel like it's a control issue--she's 3 1/2 and she'll ask for something, you make it and then she says, "I didn't ask for that." She won't even attempt to TRY anything, even turning down smoothies and things that I know she'd love. And, more frustrating is that when we're visiting friends that she loves,she'll eat what they make, without question or bug them to death to have something off their plate, which she would never normally eat. Then, I turn around and think "we've crossed over" and I replicate the meal at home only to be told "no no no!!!" and then she squeezes her eyes tight and tries to become invisible. I've tried getting her involved in the growing, the picking, the cooking process and other than making cookies or cakes which she will eat without even a hesitation, I'm stumped as to what to do with her.
Look, as much as I like food, and cooking, this is becoming a true chore. I've lost interest in cooking at night because it's just she and I and why go to any great lengths for one person?
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2012 : 1:47:21 PM
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Boy she's got you trained well, lol...1st off, cook what you want her to eat, put it in front of her, and if she refuses to eat, then she goes to bed hungry, you are the parent, and what you say goes, period...and since she's eating foods at others homes, and then saying NO when you make it, I think she knows that she can get away with it, so she does...put your foot down Mama, cause if you don't now, you'll have hell to pay in the future...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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gramadinah
True Blue Farmgirl
3557 Posts
Diana
Orofino
ID
USA
3557 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2012 : 2:06:16 PM
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AMEN Tina be the parent Jonni.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #273 |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2012 : 3:41:20 PM
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Amen to that, Tina. Best advise I ever got!
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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alterationsbyemily
True Blue Farmgirl
686 Posts
Emily
Thomasville
PA
USA
686 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2012 : 4:57:32 PM
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Go Tina,
This happened with my 2 year old, now 5, she went to bed hungry and it lasted about three days. In our house, "You get what you get, and you aren't going to whine about it."
Good luck.
---
Farmgirl #2951
No longer renting, offical farmgirl.
Check out my new blog at http://simpileeliving.blogspot.com/
And my new Etsy listings http://www.etsy.com/shop/alterationsbyemily |
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rschaaf
True Blue Farmgirl
174 Posts
Renee
Wooster
Ohio
USA
174 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2012 : 9:39:06 PM
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my sister in law said that kids (she has 4 boys) have little control in their life, but one thing they can control is their food and whether they eat it or not. (i haven't run into this issue much with our 22 month old yet, but im sure the day may be coming and ive gotten glimpses already...)
so, what i've done with my nephews when they stay is give them 2 food choices. they pick. if they decide all of a sudden they don't want it, too bad. you picked it, you deal with it or go without. its a choices/ consequences world, might as well learn early on how it all works.
i do try to make sure they eat enough and sometimes i do some gentle prodding. but, i won't battle them. i start with teeny portions. if they want more, great. i would sooner give them 4 helpings than waste any from overfilling their plate. it seems kids get overwhelmed easy and the dinner palte is no exception. plus kids eat till they are content. they don't typically stuff themselves like we do.
i remember even as a kid, i would try the whole "i'm full" approach and not want to finish my meal. mom put the kybosh on that and would wrap up my leftovers and fridge it. it didn't take me long to figure out that instead of having a treat later cause i was hungry, i got my leftovers intead; so mom still won. you could try that... or your could do the whole psychological approach; like fix something you know shes eaten before (maybe at another house), but only give yourself a plate and start eating it. hopefully she'll take the bait and wonder about her food. then you say something like, "you don't seem to like things i make to eat, so just mommy is going to eat some...if you want any i will get you some, but if you don't, i guess you'll get awful hungry by breakfast..." this way, you know she should eat it (cause shes eaten it before, and you are excluding her. kids typically do not like to be excluded!), but you gave her the choice; food or hunger. the ball is in her court. if she chooses hunger, then so be it. if she chooses food, score one for mom. just remember, you are mom. not her personal chef. and not to say she may try over and over to test you. right now she has you where she wants you and she knows it.
i am going to say she could probably care less about the growing and picking. etc. from what i've seen, kids that young like instant gratification; so the growing, picking, cooking all take too long for their busy minds and bodies. they may pick afew things and break and egg in a bowl, but i think that may be the extent of it before they are bored and off to the next thing, "call me when the frosting is on or the pizzas ready..." i do think it is a great idea though to include her so she has been intoduced to the concept of where food comes from. that wasy she won't be one of those kids that thinks you go to the store to buy meat cause thats where they make it, or chocolate milk comes form brown cows...
from reading the other replys here, it reminds me of a "home improvement" episode where tim and jill were arguing about parenting and jill said something about them as parents not being able to tell the child what to do; to which tim replied, "if we cant tell them what to do, then we're just the tallest people living here!"
good luck!
"There is beauty, there is grace, in my peaceful country place!"
See what I'm up to at: http://www.lifeonctfarm.blogspot.com |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2012 : 06:42:32 AM
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I know you girls are right--the pediatrician has said this all along. I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and get a backbone--this is the ONLY area in my parenting that I just don't feel like fighting. After working all day, running to get her at different nana's houses, doing errands that need to be done and arriving home, still in heels to make a 3 course meal, I often do take the easy way out.
On Wednesday night and Sunday night, my husband is home and I make "family dinner" and that's when the battle begins. My husband wants to "strong arm her" about it and I seem to try to practically beg her to eat.
Renee, that's exactly how I feel (like the Home Improvement episode). For a time, I made dinner just like the doc told me to--"I'm not a short order cook" was what she told me. But, as I mentioned above, after a few days of it and the mounting frustration between my husband and I about just "how" to go about it (again, him with the forcing, me with the "no worries" approach), it was just TOO much. I need quiet in my house at night after dealing with all the freaks, complainers and self absorbed people I deal with all day long in the form of our clients, so I just stopped. We were fighting with each other, he was fighting with our daughter and I was just DISAPPOINTED all the way around.
I know what I have to do. It's just finding the energy and gumption to do it. I'm largely very disciplined in the way we function, but in this one area, I just get too frustrated. Thanks for the input--I already knew most of what the answers would be because I've already thought them myself!
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2012 : 06:51:38 AM
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Listen, if she picked out what she wants to eat, then that is what she gets. If she refuses, then nothing else to eat for the rest of the day until that is gone. Don't heat it up either. If she gets hungry, she'll eat it. I've started with my son that if he doesn't eat what I put on his plate, I get a $1.00 out of his piggy bank (I haven't gone through with it yet, but he knows I mean business). I've told him what money buys (car payment, bills, food on the table, etc) and that everything he does not eat is like money going in the garbage, and if he doesn't eat at least most (80%) of what is on his plate, then I get $1.00 to pay for what I threw out. He's done alot better about eating, though there are a few things he still doesn't like...mac and cheese neither box or homemade, but he eats it regardless. I also do time out if he has a tantrum and he's not allowed up until he decides he is going to eat, which does seem to work as well. The other thing you need to look at is if she is bullying you in other areas of her life. Restrict all decisions to 2 choices and make an executive decision for her if she refuses to make one. Give her a short (1 min or less) time limit as well and let her know that you will make the decision for her if she doesn't. Make sure she understands that you are not fooling around and that you mean business by following through with the threat. Hope this helps. DH is calling me to help him with a project.
Lorie
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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gramadinah
True Blue Farmgirl
3557 Posts
Diana
Orofino
ID
USA
3557 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2012 : 07:18:03 AM
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Jonni then you need to also get a united front with the DH so that you are not working against each other. Because at that point she still wins. and it is so easy to put the food in front of her and when she says NO NO No pick it up put it away in fridge and say OK your excused go play. When she wants a snack pull out the food you had prepared.
she will not starve and she will start to eat.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #273 |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2012 : 07:23:14 AM
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Diana, you're right about the united front. I think that's how he was raised? Being "forced" into things and I just really hate the whole vibe it creates. I was never made to sit and finish my meal until my plate was cleaned, but then, I didn't EVER want to push my dad, so I just ate until I was full and that was that. Sure, I chose my favorites first and left the brussel sprouts for last (my how times change, those are the first to go now!), but I never challenged my parents because that just wasn't an option.
I think that's the best plan. I've tried the "give her one thing she WILL eat" and that just negates the whole thing because she won't eat anything else on the plate. Sunday night, begins a new era in our household. I'll let y'all know if by Thursday next week, I've decided to join the merchant marines.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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nubidane
True Blue Farmgirl
2875 Posts
Lisa
Georgetown
OH
2875 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2012 : 07:28:46 AM
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Ha Jonni, when I 1st read this I thought maybe you were watching Key Largo during dinner.
How about the one bite of each thing for years old she is?
Of course, what do I know, I have dogs that eat from a bowl on the floor & finish in less than 1 minute.
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2012 : 07:30:59 AM
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Dogs are easier, Lisa!!!! I love it when people say to me, "gosh, how do you do four dogs, they're such work..." Um, nope--they don't have opinions about food, honestly, so they are WAY easier than my 3 year old!
I might give that a shot--she likes games. For lunch, she really likes peanut butter so I've been letting her pick out a cookie cutter from my large collection and that's the shape her sandwich ends up being.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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rschaaf
True Blue Farmgirl
174 Posts
Renee
Wooster
Ohio
USA
174 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2012 : 07:32:28 AM
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jonni, i think you'll do fine. i have been frustrated with our boy sometimes. when you are at your wits end you just want to give them the box of cookies so you can finish what you are doing (sadly, i admit i did this just the other day while i was running tomoatoes through the screener...) i just needed a few more minutes and the cookie box bought me that time. after i completed the task i retreived the box. but i know where you are coming from on the long days and just want quiet.
after everyone is in bed, that is my quiet time to "ahhhhhhhh".
like i said, you will do fine. just make sure you have an ally in your husband or, if it gets too much some nights see if he can handle the supper stuff and feeding while you take a walk or something. we can't be effective parents if we are frazzled.
hang in there.
"There is beauty, there is grace, in my peaceful country place!"
See what I'm up to at: http://www.lifeonctfarm.blogspot.com |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2012 : 1:23:47 PM
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I say that often, Amy, "This too shall pass".
You're right.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2012 : 4:08:31 PM
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Jonnie I don't believe in forcing children to eat either.
I believe that can cause eating disorders. Can you get DH to just go with your plan for one month first, and ask him if it doesn't work then you can try his.
If I was you, my plan would be to serve what ever you want for meals, and if she eats she eats, and if she doesn't she doesn't, but don't make a fuss about it. If she is hungry later on offer her the left overs. It took only a day or two for Lela to "get" I wasn't going to just be her short order cook. She tried it on me just a few times and that was it. Otherwise, personally I do like was suggested, I only put small servings on my childrens plates, and they eat what they eat. If they don't eat I don't worry about it. If they have ate a good amount though of the meal and later they want a treat then I let them, BUT they know if they don't eat a fair amount of the meal and they later want a treat, they will get left overs or other healthy foods (if we ran out of leftovers) and they won't be getting dessert or treat type foods till they have had a well balanced meal. But, it's just that, we don't fight about it. However, a few times Lela did throw a fit...and I would just tell her finish this amount of your dinner and of course you can have ice cream. There was some tantrums a few times, but as long as I would calmly just explain to her the rules and just let it go she eventually got it and it didn't take long!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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annielaurel
True Blue Farmgirl
912 Posts
nancy
fernandina beach
florida
USA
912 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2012 : 06:18:30 AM
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My mother's motto and mine too, when my kids were little. "Eat it or don't eat it" but that is all there is." My daughter did go through a period when she was about 3 or so when she wouldn't eat anything for lunch except a peanut butter sandwich.
My granddaughter, Kelly, who is now 19 would only eat 3 grapes, 1 piece of sliced chicken and her milk for lunch. One day, while I was visiting we were having lunch and she was saying that one of the girls in her class brought the same things for lunch everyday. She was sitting at the table with her 2 sisters and had the grapes and meat on her plate. My daughter made a remark about the sandwich she was eating and my granddaughter accused her of being picky, too. My daughter said it wasn't her. Then my granddaughter looked at her sisters and they said they weren't picky. When she looked at me I said, "Don't look at me." My little picky granddaughter finally blurts out, "Do you think it could be me?"
Today that little picky eater eats everything and is in good health. It is best not to make a big deal about what the child is eating or not eating. Just put it on the table and tell her that is all there is too eat. "Eat it or Don't Eat It!"
Be gentle and say it with conviction. You are the mom.
Nancy
Make everyday a celebration of the heart. |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2012 : 2:01:35 PM
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I know how you feel. My son was very picky when he was small and still wont eat a veggie to this day (he's 10 now). He's at the point where if he doesn't like what's on the menu, he can fix himself a peanut butter sandwich or grab a piece of fruit, but I am NOT fixing him something else. You'd be surprised at what a kid will eat just because they dont want to fix anything themselves. LOL!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2012 : 05:51:30 AM
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Jonni- I have a feeling Sunday was not restful for you- I hope it went better than expected- but hang tough! Nora sometimes goes through these phases too and it is maddening. *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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desperadosdream
True Blue Farmgirl
197 Posts
Malena
Versailles
Indiana
USA
197 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2012 : 10:58:06 AM
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| Personally I have a eat or go hungry policy at my house. Its very simple. I am the mother therefore I know what our budget is what food we have to prepare and how long said supplies must last. Things get a bit tougher and tighter all the time and sometimes certain supplies must last longer than others. If I have some choices as to what's for supper I normally pass that on to the family i.e. would you rather have roast, carrots and potatoes, meatloaf, baked potatoes, green beans or whatever. It s all the same to be but since I do the cooking and normally all the cleaning up afterward they will either eat whats is put in front of them and be thankful for it or they will go without and when they are hungry in the morning thinking they are going to get sugary cereal for breakfast they will be surprised to find cold meatloaf and potatoes. Yummy right...it would only happen a time or 2 until it would be working like clock work I guarantee. Chicken and dumplings cold are one of the most disgusting things in the universe..Tee hee. |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Aug 22 2012 : 5:52:44 PM
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I believe in the united front. You and your DH should come up with a plan in private. Something that is a compromise of the way both of you think things should be done. You don't want to force feed her and your husband does, so meet in the middle. And no cheating on the compromise when DH isn't home. When she complains or throws a fit you can tell her that is what daddy and mommy said are the rules. I or DH make what we want to eat and if DD does not like it...oh well. After dinner and bath we'll let her have a peanut butter sandwich, fruit, and milk. BUT she has to make it. And guess what? She is still alive.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BitsofEntropy?ref=si_shop
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 7:19:42 PM
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I have a similar problem with my 8-year-old grandson. He lives with his other grandparents and they go out to eat a lot. So he loves chicken fingers, hamburgers, spaghetti.
When he stays with us for a week it takes about 4 days for him to realize if he doesn't eat what I cook at mealtime, he doesn't get another chance to eat until the next mealtime.
By midweek, he is usually OK. But those first few days are always a test of wills. I try not to make a battle out of it. If he doesn't eat, I don't act like I even notice (but of course I do). My daughter's pediatrician always told me "don't worry, if she is hungry, she will eat"
I try to follow the dictum "don't notice the bad behavior and praise the good behavior". I don't always succeed! parenting is such a challenge!
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blogs at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com (farming) http://brightmeadowknits.blogspot.com (knitting) or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
Edited by - brightmeadow on Aug 23 2012 7:20:17 PM |
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MtnGrlByTheBay
True Blue Farmgirl
171 Posts
Erin
Lexington Park
MD
USA
171 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 12:46:07 PM
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I seriously loathe food. I mean, I should say, I loathe cooking. I don't mind baking, but baking for me is like a personal craft project, not really for sustinence. I loath cooking, because my DH is picky (no casseroles, no onion, no mayo, no tomatoes) and my boys are just like the kids mentioned in this thread. It's no fun to cook when nearly every meal is a battle. My pediatrician has said to do what you have suggested here as well... if they don't eat their dinner, they get it for breakfast. My son's 2nd Grade teacher used to say, "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit." We say that a lot.
Lately, I just have the worst time making meals AROUND sports. Practice is usually at 6:00. I leave work at 4:30, grab the kids by 4:55 and am home by 5:05. I usually have 10 minutes to get something on the table so we can eat "as a family" before half of us are out the door. It's a nightmare. I try to get ahead by cooking something the night before so I can just warm it up. I was originally afraid to do this initially because DH isn't a fan of "leftovers" either - but I guess he's okay with the plan becuase they technically aren't leftovers if they haven't been eaten in the first place, right? NOW, my OS (older son) has gymnastics at 7:00, and last night he said he couldn't eat dinner because when he's upsidedown it makes his stomach hurt. We'd finished dinner at 5:30, so I have a feeling it was more nerves (first night) than digestion. He barely eats much to digest to begin with!
It's a struggle. Yes, I have a crock pot, but I work a 9.5 hour day, so anything I put in it ends up dry - even on low. It's old though, so I probably should get a new one with a better timer on it. Now... to find the time and money to shop for one! <sigh>
Tell me... can kids just live on protein shakes for 15 years or so?
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Sep 04 2012 : 06:57:02 AM
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UPDATE: Things aren't going so well...I've been sticking to this plan (what I cook is what there is) for the last week and 1/2 (other than the weekend when it's a pizza or something like that, which I KNOW she'll eat) and she hasn't given in yet. She won't even try a bite of anything and for the first few days, I was really good about not letting her get me riled up, but now I'm just REALLY frustrated by the whole power struggle. Not only is she not eating the dinner, she wakes us up all hours of the night crying and saying, "my tummy's hungry!", both making me feel absolutely terrible as a parent and also, REALLY ticked off.
The other thing that's frustrating is that when she doesn't eat it, I simply say, "Ok, that's fine--it's your choice. There will be nothing else tonight, though, and I mix her portion in with the dogs food, and that ENRAGES her! So, I simply say, "you can't have it both ways, you made your choice not to eat it."
Girls, I'm just about ready to ring her little neck. I love her, but I think I figured after a few days time, she'd start figuring it out, but it's like she wants to play chicken!
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: "NO NO NO!!!! I don't WANT Corn Bacall!" |
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"NO NO NO!!!! I don't WANT Corn Bacall!"
