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Parenting & Farm Kids:  out of ideas and exhausted  |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 16 2012 : 06:44:42 AM
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I'm having a bit of a challenge, and, as usual, thought I would come to my Farmgirls for advice.
We have always co-slept with our babies, but usually transition them to a crib no later than around 18 months when they no longer nurse in the middle of the night (the timing of this has varied with each of our girls).
Our youngest hit the 18 month mark and has turned into a restless sleeper with us - constantly shifting at night and kicking us in the face in her sleep and my husband has put his foot down and said she needs to go into her crib because he wants his nighttime rest back. I can't blame him, and I'm tired of getting jabbed and kicked, too, quite honestly. Since she doesn't nurse in the middle of the night anymore and is 18 months old, we decided to transition.
However, my youngest has spent the last two weeks we started trying to get her into a crib screaming and crying all night long. We don't "Ferberize," but she starts screaming the minute she goes in there and does not stop even when we pick her up and soother her unless we take her out of the room.
We've tried laying her down awake but sleepy and sound asleep. We've tried rocking her first, singing lullabies, using a white noise machine, a wind-up bear that plays soothing music, a "heartbeat" stuffed animal (makes maternal heartbeat noise) and a crib light-up toy. Even with all this, she starts sobbing the minute we get near that crib and doesn't stop. My husband and I have each tried everything we can think of seperately and together and nothing is working. We're both exhausted and my husband is insistent she go into her crib NOW. There's no talking him out of it.
All my other girls settled into a crib within a few days and we never experienced this level of resistance before.
I was wondering if any mom Farmgirls could give me any helpful thoughts on this, because many more nights of this and I am going to be a zombie - and a distraught one at that!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
Edited by - LuckyMommyof5 on Mar 16 2012 06:47:00 AM |
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gramadinah
True Blue Farmgirl
3557 Posts
Diana
Orofino
ID
USA
3557 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2012 : 07:19:30 AM
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Any room in your room for the crib.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #273 |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2012 : 07:31:16 AM
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We tried that after the first week, but it seemed to make her even madder because she could see us and not be with us, so my husband moved it back into the nursery.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2012 : 12:34:54 PM
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I have a friend that went thru this exact thing with her daughter, and with trial and error, it turned out she was too hot, cooled room down, lighter weight pj's and blanket, and she slept like a pup, check temp in her room, it could be cold or too warm...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2012 : 7:13:57 PM
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This may not be a popular opinion, but it worked for me...
My son was a very difficult sleeper due to autism (its very common). I tried everything until finally I gave up and stopped trying so hard! I rocked him until he fell asleep, then put him in the crib. If he started crying, I VERY quietly checked on him, but I let him cry it out until he fell asleep. After about a week, he finally took to the bed and began sleeping through the night. It was the best thing I could have done. Good luck!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama |
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SheilaC
True Blue Farmgirl
1948 Posts
Sheila
Vermont
USA
1948 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2012 : 09:57:40 AM
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Edited by - SheilaC on Mar 19 2012 05:02:42 AM |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2012 : 5:27:06 PM
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My advice...let her scream it out! No attention no nothing. When she realizes that this is how it is, she'll settle down and sleep. Put on a night light in her room, put on some soft music and nothing more. Yes, you will have some sleepless nights, but she will get over it. Further advice...don't get into the trap of sleeping with your child to begin with. Big mistake. My son did not sleep with me at all once we got in from the hospital. He's slept in his own room from day one. I will let him cuddle with me in the morning when he gets up. I will let him sleep with me if he is extremely sick. He's going on 5 y/o and has never had night terrors or anything else. He sleeps through the night. No problems.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2012 : 7:11:52 PM
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actually babies in their own room have MUCH higher risk of SIDS!
CIO can cause brain damage, and yes teaches them they have to rely on themselves, no one will help them. :( My children would cry till they puked, and then keep crying. Sorry not going to do that. I don't think just shoving them in their own room to begin with is the "answer" sorry.
Plus I'm handicap, getting up several times a night to go into another room to nurse a baby is a lot more exhausting to me....but the risk of SIDS is way more scarier.
Sorry I don't have any advice though, except can you put a cot in the room that is not a crib that's what we did with DD1. And it worked well, till she transitioned to her own room, she liked it better then a crib.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Farmer Judy
True Blue Farmgirl
433 Posts
Judy
North Aurora
IL
USA
433 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2012 : 7:14:13 PM
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Change things up a little. Thicker blankets and thinner ones, pj's or diaper. She has been sleeping with two human furnaces, she may just need to find what is comfortable for her. One of my boys sleeps with only one blanket all year and my other one likes the weight of many blankets. Good luck!
God bless,
Judy
Farmgirl #3666
Born a city girl but a farm girl at heart!
http://farmtimes.blogspot.com/ |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2012 : 7:14:43 PM
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oh and she already said she doesn't ferberize, so I think we should start giving some advice that is not ferberize CIO. I'm sorry this is just a sore subject with me, and makes me want to cry that people want to do this....so much research has been done on it not being a healthy or safe method.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2012 : 7:15:59 PM
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Sorry Judy we were posting at the same time, I think that's great advice. I have a blanket lover and a blanket hater too! lol haha One of each to switch it up for me a little bit. lol Thanks God for your humor! lol haha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2012 : 8:45:34 PM
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Something that worked for us is putting a pallet on the floor next to our bed. DD didn't feel confined but we told her she had to stay on her pallet or she couldn't stay in our room. DH and I both have insomnia issues and DD does, too.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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Red Tractor Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
6601 Posts
Winnie
Gainesville
Fl
USA
6601 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2012 : 04:43:53 AM
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suzanne- I agree with others that the child needs to be in her own crib and room. A pediatrician explained to me many years ago that it was very important for children to learn to comfort themselves in their own safe space at night. Once you know that they are safe, you need to help them with a "lovie" which could be a favorite washable stuffed animal or toy. When they wake up , they need to learn to comfort themselves with this lovie and go back to sleep. It is part of their ability to trust in themselves and sepatate themselves in a healthy way from the constant need of the parent when not necessary. You both need your sleep and there is no reason why she cannot be happy in her own space with her crib toys and lovie at night and first thing in the morning. Keep working on it from the perspective that it is a life skill she can learn and that will help her to have more confidence in other situations with new children and eventually going to school. Good Luck!
Winnie #3109 |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2012 : 05:45:10 AM
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Hmmm...I am currently gathering my thoughts for a rather lengthy response to some of the feedback my posting has received.
Heather - I can't tell you how happy I was to have you respond and weigh in on this because I was suddenly feeling a little alone and villified for my belief in co-sleeping. Thank you!
I in no way blame co-sleeping for our current issues with my youngest. If co-sleeping were unilaterally a cause of sleep issues, then it would follow that my three oldest, all of whom I also co-slept with, would have had the same issues as we are currently experiencing, and that was not the case at all. It would also follow that every child who had not been co-slept with would be free from all sleep issues. I know from some mom friends of mine who chose not to co-sleep that they have also experienced sleep issues with their children.
I am not making a judgement at all about parents who choose to co-sleep or not, every family must go with what works for them and what they feel in their hearts is right for their children. I am merely defending my family's co-sleeping philosophy.
I had hoped when I posted this originally that other co-sleeping moms on here could give me some constructive advice. I had not anticipated having to defend my decision to co-sleep, although I always welcome honest and open debate and conversation on any topic.
I will post more later on this.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
Edited by - LuckyMommyof5 on Mar 19 2012 05:46:56 AM |
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Montrose Girl
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm
1360 Posts
Laurie
Montrose
CO
1360 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2012 : 08:28:43 AM
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Suzanne,
It is a hot topic and don't feel bad for your decision. You have to do what works for you. When I came home with my son I slept in his room and many nights he was in bed with me. We transitioned after a few weeks to him in a craddle but I was still in the room. He was nearly 4 months when I moved back in with hubby. I missed him. That worked for us and me as a first time mom. He's in a crib now at 5 1/2 months. I understand how hard all the "studies" can be because you can always find one that will support your decision and one against it.
Since I haven't been through what you are dealing with I don't have any advice, just a bit of support and good luck. I do like the idea of changing it up for her. You have to adapt. My son kicks his blankets off immediately so I don't bother covering him anymore until after he's asleep because it gets cold and I don't want that to wake him later.
Maybe try sleeping on the floor in her room for a night or two? Maybe it will be worse or maybe not. Spend time in her room during the day so she gets used to it and leave her in there to play by herself for 5 minutes, then extend it to 10 and so forth. You could watch from the door way the first few times and them step so you aren't in view but can hear. Good luck from one sleep deprived mother to another.
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2012 : 09:47:08 AM
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Suzanne,
I do agree with Laurie in that it is a very hot topic and everybody needs to do what is best for them. I don't think anyone is trying to make you feel guilty for co sleeping, it's just that your first post stated very clearly that you were interested in transitioning to the crib. I do think that you should check out the American Academy of Pediatrics website for valuable info on this subject or maybe even talk to your doctor (especially if you are worried about SIDS,etc.)
Keep your chin up! :)
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama |
Edited by - sjmjgirl on Mar 19 2012 09:49:22 AM |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2012 : 02:03:13 AM
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Laurie, sleeping in the same room, is considered co-sleeping too. And is great in preventing SIDS. Just being able to hear another person breath is a big benefit.
Doctors, really don't go to school to learn about how to get children to sleep, though. They are mainly taught how to diagnose illnesses. My mom's a doctor....
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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buggysmum
True Blue Farmgirl
110 Posts
Shelly
110 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2012 : 10:19:09 AM
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I do think it's a shame what we moms do to each other...we judge and blame and criticize for what are, really, very personal decisions for how to raise our children. We make everything into a competition of who's the best mommy because she follows this particular method as espoused by this particular pediatrician, group, book, philosophy, or whatever.
Breastfeed or bottlefeed, co-sleep or crib-sleep, in mom's room or in own room, working mom or SAHM, daycare or nanny or grandma, cloth diapers or disposables, vaccinations or no vaccinations, circumcision or not, public/private/homeschool...why does everything have to become a "hot topic"? Why do we fail to see that even with the "data driven" recommendations, there are so many variables that even the data is skewed? As Laurie says, "I understand how hard all the "studies" can be because you can always find one that will support your decision and one against it." SO TRUE!
Why should the moms who posted feel they have to defend themselves?
How about just supporting each other? Realizing that each of us has to do what works for our individual families, and is best for that particular, unique, individual child? Responding to a request for insights and advice with some empathy? If a mom is brave enough to reach out to other moms for advice, then we should respond in the manner she requested and not start a contest for "who's right".
Sorry to vent, this issue of how moms compete with each other is such a sore issue with me right now.
http://www.goddessguidebook.com/guide-to-newborn/
http://www.goddessguidebook.com/compassionate-parentin/
http://thesparklingmartins.blogspot.com/2010/07/love-it-forward.html
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Edited by - buggysmum on Mar 24 2012 10:46:27 AM |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2012 : 12:09:17 PM
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Well said and I have to agree.
Ladies, we are all Moms, Grandma's, sister, cousins, etc. We are suppose to LOVE ONE ANOTHER. I don't care what faith or whatever you practice, this is the golden rule for everyone.
This Mom came to us for help and support. I think we have all had sleepless and trying nights.
I don't think she needs a lecture on what we think is right at this time. I don't think she cares who is a doctor and who isn't. She just wants what works for HER CHILD and HER FAMILY so they all can have some peace.
Let us be ladies and be kind.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
www.flossesandcrosses.blogspot.com
www.morganicinstitute.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Mar 28 2012 : 10:51:47 AM
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Hey Suzanne,
I don't have any particular advice since I didn't co sleep (I've always been too afraid of smothering the baby to actually sleep.)
Just wanted to offer some encouragement-- James Dobson wrote years ago about "strong willed children", and it sounds like that's what you've got!
They simply are the way they are and no one who doesn't have one understands what raising a Strong willed child is like- and the first thing strangers or well meaning friends and family do is try to "fix" your parenting.
I just wanted to remind you that there is nothing wrong with how you're doing it-- the proof is in your older children! Your baby is just a different kind of kid and she'll work through things in her own way, she may be tougher to raise-- but it's so worth it for the strong self confidant person they become.
This may be a point to work with-- does she take naps in her crib in the nursury? that may be the best place to start because in the middle of the day you will be more fully rested to make the most rational decisions for teaching her rather than giving up and doing whatever it takes for quiet when you and DH are tired.
~*~ http://silverstarfamilyfarm.blogspot.com/ ~*~
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.”
~Erma Bombeck |
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OakRoseMama
Farmgirl in Training
22 Posts
Christine
Kempner
Texas
USA
22 Posts |
Posted - Mar 28 2012 : 8:07:27 PM
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agree so much with the ladies who just now posted...just wanted to say i'm a fellow cosleeper with my almost 2 year old daughter. i have heard that a mattress on the floor (a nest of sorts) or crib in the same room might work. there will probably be tears no matter what you do. we have her nap in her room (now on a bed) and for the first half of the night and take her in our bed if she wakes up. have you tried the pantley book "no cry sleep solution"? there are supposedly some good techniques in there. also i have bookmarked this page and have heard good things about it: http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html
i hope you and your family can get some more sleep soon!
Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again
Farmgirl sister #4010
http://oakrosemama.blogspot.com
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SpyChicken
True Blue Farmgirl
436 Posts
Christine
Fond du Lac
WI
USA
436 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2012 : 4:54:57 PM
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My dd had a terrible time settling down to sleep @ just about that age. Oh, we tried everything (she did sleep in her own room from the time she was @ 3 months old-before that she was in the bassinet in our room). Finally, I tried the following & it worked:
1. When she started fussing/crying/screaming, I'd go in and talk quietly to her, rub her back, but I did NOT pick her up (it's hard-I know!) then I'd leave the room.
2. After @15 min, if she did not settle down, I would go back in and do the same thing and NOT pick her up but reassure her, etc. and then leave the room.
3. After another 15 min. or so, if she still hadn't settled down, I'd go back in but this time, I did not speak. I just soothed her hair or patted her back.
Usually it took maybe a couple more times of the "silent soothing" before she fell asleep. Gradually, the idea is that you need fewer and fewer trips in and the baby learns to quiet herself and go to sleep on her own.
I hope you find a solution that works for you & you can get some sleep! |
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buggysmum
True Blue Farmgirl
110 Posts
Shelly
110 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 04:53:39 AM
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I don't have any answers as we had a pretty challenging time with this ourselves. We coslept in the beginning with DD. There was NO WAY that she was going to let us out of her sight.
Eventually, because DH had to be well-rested and relatively coherent at work, I moved into DD's room on a twin bed we had set up in there. That way, I did the "night shift" (because I wasn't going to work the next day) and he got his sleep. It is NOT a solution, obviously, because there are other drawbacks to this arrangement, but in the short term, it worked. Sometimes, I found that I didn't need to look for the permanent solution, but one that got us through that stretch of the journey. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 05:39:08 AM
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Hi Suzanne!
I think you are an excellent mom and as a doctor told me once "You know your child best so if you say it is a certain way- it is!" I loved that doctor. I think that was the best advice I ever recieved from a medical professional about my daughter!
Nora co-slept with us for a while but Doug was always worried he was going to roll over on her so we transitioned to her room. Once she got old enough to pull herself up, I was worried she was going to jump out of the crib (she was very active) so I researched something called a floor bed- basically we took her crib matteress out of the crib and put it on the floor. We left her door open most of the time, so if she needed us, she could actually still come out and find us. She seemed to really enjoy the floor bed a lot more than the crib- and I knew she couldn't get hurt from falling out of a crib. Maybe something like that might help? Some nights I would sleep next to her on the floor but mostly she was happy to be in her bed.
Maybe since you are transitioning to her own bed you could have her sleep on a floor bed/pallet and you sleep next to her for a few nights. I also found that Nora really understood quite a bit and I would explain to her that mommy would be in the other room after she feel asleep and she could come and get me if she needed. I think a lot of the frustration that Nora had with the crib (she had started to cry when we put her down and the CIO method was killing me so we had to think of something else) was the fact that she couldn't come find us if she needed.
Now there were times when we had "up and down nights" where we would put her to bed at seven and it seemed like it was one in the morning before she really fell asleep if ever. We finally realized this was when she was teething and when she was in a growth spurt.
I don't know if any of that is helpful to you or gives you any ideas- but please know that I believe you are a great mom and anything you decide to do will be right for you and your children. *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wff7Xpc/]
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2012 : 11:25:55 AM
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Exactly Jen! I have one of those too. Thankfully it was my first child! lol I told my husband thank God! Otherwise I would of been thrown for a loop, had I had my last two first, and my first last. lol I would of been, what in the world? lol haha But, I also told my husband there is good points to this. We are christians, the Bible says that narrow and rocky is the path for christians....I figure her strong will should keep her on the path if that's what she chooses! lol No one should be able to pull her from it if that's what she sets her mind on cause well that's the kind of person she is. So that in my opinion is a good quality. But, during childhood can cause mom and dad a lot of angst! lol haha
And yes exactly Alee, that's what we essentially did with DD1 too. I bought a bed at Ikea instead of putting the mattress on the floor. However, I bought the bed I did cause the mattress is only maybe 4 inches off the floor with it. (I know the cat literally has to get on her belly to get under there!) and so I figured if she fell out she couldn't get too hurt. We also put those rubber like pad/puzzle mat down beside it so the fall would be less painful. But, basically it's not much of a fall. As her mattress is also from Ikea, and it's a very thin mattress. (I think about 3 inches thick). So if she fell out of bed, it's less then one foot, closer to like only 6 inches. She liked that a lot better then a crib. However, if I didn't have a Ikea at the time with the low beds, and thin mattresses, I probably would of done the same thing as you Alee, and put the mattress on the floor.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
Edited by - MagnoliaWhisper on Apr 02 2012 11:28:05 AM |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: out of ideas and exhausted |
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out of ideas and exhausted
