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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Need advice...  |
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knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 24 2012 : 7:32:54 PM
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Our daughter is refusing to go to kindergarten (she's 5). Now normally that's an issue easily fixed. She has such anxiety, it's a full day program that the school has agreed to let her come only half days, and we're at the point where they're happy if we can get her there even a few days a week. My MIL is even going with her to be classroom helper. I thought that she was just being stubborn up to this point. I helped a few weeks ago and when she though I had left she had a meltdown and when I went popped around the corner to talk to her she was shaking. She started out the year really well (we could drop her off full day, she stayed had fun, talked about her day positively) and then suddenly had issues. This has been going on for two months.
At home she's fine, she's energetic, imaginative, she loves to do the normal kid things, draw, read, make stories, all that. At school she just clams up. I'm worried about September when she's supposed to go into gr. 1.
She's said she's afraid that she'll be forgotten at school, which has never happened (but it's a real fear for her). She also has a little sister who is at home so we've considered that she thinks she should be able to stay home too.
I'm seriously considering homeschooling at this stage, the block to that is right now we need an extra full time income. I'm torn.
Has anybody else had similar issues with thier little ones?
Farmgirl Sister #3759
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"
"The things that matter most are not really things after all" |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2012 : 10:22:19 PM
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I do know how you feel. My son went through the same thing. I learned that when I made a big deal out of it, it got worse. Checking in on him,etc did nothing but exacerbate everything. When I stopped that and just kept reassuring him, eventually it worked out. Personally, I think you are jumping the gun on the homeschooling thing. I would find out why she's so scared about being left at school. Could she have heard the other kids talking about this? Maybe another parent forgot to pick up a kid or they were late and she saw that happen. I would definitely talk to the teacher, get their suggestions and make a plan to get her back to school full time. If she has a meltdown, she has a meltdown. The teachers will get her through it. This isn't their first rodeo, know what I mean? I think she'll find out soon enough that she'll be just fine. I know she's five and its really tempting to go in and "fix" everything, but I think that sometimes parents do a disservice to their children by rescueing them (even at five). As far as 1st grade, don't even worry about that right now. For a child, that is a long ways away.
Keep your chin up. Everything will work out. Good luck!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2012 : 05:32:21 AM
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You do what you think is right FOR YOUR daughter. Personally, we love homeschooling. But you need to figure out what she needs. Maybe she isn't ready for school yet. Here in Texas, they don't "have" to be in school until they are six. Take the time and make an informed choice. Some kids just aren't ready. I think all day is way too much. But that is my opinion.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
www.flossesandcrosses.blogspot.com
www.morganicinstitute.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2012 : 06:10:35 AM
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That's a tough one. We homeschool and I've seen this go both ways. My kids were homeschooled from the beginning so I don't have any experience with kindergarten, but I have a friend whose son was much like your child and she said kindergarten was a nightmare - he turned into a totally different kid and was full of anxiety all the time. She pulled him out and he's been homeschooling since and everything's great. I have another friend, however, whose son was in 2nd grade and was doing the same thing - she pulled him out to homeschool and it became apparent his "anxiety" and "I hate school" was just a control thing and homeschooling was a nightmare - no different for him than any other schooling she attempted to make work for him. (Kind of the rescuing that was mentioned and he took FULL advantage of it!) So I think its different for each kid and each family. I agree with Stephanie that the teachers have probably seen it many times and this isn't their first rodeo. But I also think its your child and you have to figure out what is best for your child, and ULTIMATELY your family. Homeschooling can be great but if it doesn't work for the family (as in finances or relationships) then it just doesn't work. I would talk with both the teachers and your husband to figure out what is workable and which way to go. Good luck!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2012 : 6:03:02 PM
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Ok, I just re-read my post from last night and it is,well,a bit harsh.(Sorry) It was definitely not my intention. Ultimately, it is up to you, AnneMarie.
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama |
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RosesAreRed
True Blue Farmgirl
62 Posts
Laurie
Lehigh Acres
Fl
USA
62 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2012 : 7:10:11 PM
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My youngest son was physically removed from my car DAILY. When I tried to put him on a bus, he could not be physically placed on it. This happened almost every day of Kindergarten. First grade was slightly better. My older son was already experiencing bullying issues from K-5th grade. Once he finished 5th and the younger one finished 1st, we removed them from school and brought them home.
Institutional learning is not for every child. Your child is telling you something and it is important you listen. |
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knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2012 : 7:21:25 PM
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I appreciate the insight, thanks you ladies. It might just be a case of separation anxiety which will fix itself once she gets used to going or it could be something more. I understand it's scary for her. Her older brother is a few grades ahead of her and they see each other at recess. At the beginning of the year he would sit with her but her teacher put an end to that telling him he should play with his own friends. I know I'll have to tell the school again to let them be if he's willing to include her with his friends (our kids are 3 1/2 years apart).
I also agree that full day kindergarten is a bit much but at the school they are going to that's the only option, but as I said she's at half days for the remainder of the year. Also the kindergarten year isn't required by law here either (as in Texas), they have to receive some sort of steady education by age 6 though (so gr. 6).
Farmgirl Sister #3759
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"
"The things that matter most are not really things after all" |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2012 : 8:25:27 PM
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I'm sorry you are experiencing so much turmoil. There is nothing so stressful as worrying about your child. We are planning to start homeschooling in Fall 2012, but right now my two oldest are still going to public school. My 7-year-old (DD2) has never been thrilled with school (she's my artistic introvert), but she goes with only a bit of complaining. My oldest daughter (age 9) is one of those kids who can have fun in any circumstance, so she is happy at school, home and is still looking forward to the adventure of us starting homeschool, too. Last year, my oldest started getting weepy every weekday morning about going to school - which was totally unlike her. Then she began to ask me to let her stay home and it escalated to her getting "sick" (fake) at school and asking the nurse to call me to come get her. My husband and I were baffled. After almost a month of this (and so many trips to school during the middle of the day to pick her I could have screamed) she finally confessed to me that a boy in her class had been harassing and threatening her. She was terrified. The school officials skirted around this, but I was angry and I basically ended letting this boy's parents know if their kid so much as said boo to my daughter again that I would make it my mission to get him expelled. There was never a problem again with him.
What I learned from this is that sometimes when a child is so vehemently avoiding a situation, something more serious could be in play that they just feel they can't tell you. She could be acting this way for a reason.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
Edited by - LuckyMommyof5 on Jan 27 2012 05:11:41 AM |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2012 : 9:42:40 PM
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There's nothing wrong with being concerned. Here's my story. My wonderful exuberant DD went to PreK 3 a little shy but it soon wore off. In PreK 4 she started great but within a few months was having issues of going to the bathroom all the time. Like every 5 minutes. Took her to the doctor and she tested negative for an infection. They suggested we take her to a counselor for some play therapy. Those therapists figured it out right away. I'm so glad I took her instead of playing mystery diagnosis. She went to the therapist 3 times. She was the good kid at school but the teacher was spending so much time on the bad kids, she was falling through the cracks and being ignored. Once I told the teacher then things were all better. DD has matured a lot from age 5 to 6. Having a friend in class helps. Anyone she could get together with? It doesn't have to be anything big. Meet at the library or some other place, even for 30 minutes. Any of the kids in your neighborhood? Invite them over for an activity. There's one little girl out here from DD's class and we typically let them get together 2 times a week for no more than 1 hour.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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amarquardt
True Blue Farmgirl
61 Posts
Amy
Lindenhurst
Illinois
USA
61 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2012 : 1:15:25 PM
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I was just about to start a new topic on this. Except my daughter is in 3rd grade. I work part time during the day, and my husband works nights, but we seperated 4 months ago. Just received the truency notice in the mail today. Granted she has had strep twice in the last few months, but I can't physically drag her into the school. I am torn on bringing her home or forcing her to go to school. But I need to make a descision quick. I just don't know what will be the right thing for all of us.
Amy
http://www.farnorthfarmgirls.blogspot.com
http://www.marquardthealthcoaching.blogspot.com |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2012 : 08:04:28 AM
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Lots of kids have similar trouble, especially in kindergarten. My daughter was so attached to me, that when she was two or three and I needed to leave the house for an hour, she would cry and just about foam at the mouth she had separation anxiety so badly. I signed her up to a kidsfit, one hour little program, and that was that. I got MY feelings a little hurt when she started not even looking back! But what struck me about your post is how the school acted when her brother wanted to see your child on the playground. That doesn't sound right to me, and seems it may have made your child's anxiety worse. It sounds as if they may have been harsh when they separated them. Just because someone is in the school working doesn't mean they know it all. My daughter loved school from kindergarten on, but in second grade we had this problem, to the point she cried when she went and cried when she came off the bus, not wanting to go back to school. Her teacher was harsh and abrasive. I volunteered and saw it first hand. She wasn't a bad teacher, but had no business teaching small children. (Perhaps highschool would have been the place for her). My daughter did learn some good reading and studying habits, but the whole year was awful for her. I tried to get her put in another class, but they wouldn't budge. In the end, they knew I was right. My daughter needs a nurturing type teacher or she isn't happy. Third grade she got that, and her whole demeanor changed. Some kids are just more sensitive naturally. My dd and I are both people who clam up if yelled at or spoken to harshly. Perhaps they need to be a bit more flexible in allowing your children to be together. Hang in there!
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2012 : 1:17:30 PM
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Ditto Nicole, I was the same way.
Also I had a cousin who lost her whole family in a car wreck, she was three years old. Every one died in the car! Any way my parents started raising her and she barely knew them. I was two years older then her, but she became so attached to me, that my parents always had to let her go with me every where, even classes that were too old for her, my step mom would just explain to the teachers what had happened and every thing and they always let her go with me. She was well behaved and did what ever we were told to do, but she was attached to me for some years because of that.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2012 : 09:15:05 AM
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Heather,
Wow what a story! How is she today? Are you still really close?
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
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GaiasRose
True Blue Farmgirl
2552 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
Minnesota
2552 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2012 : 10:54:50 AM
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Most states compulsory ed doesnt start until like age 7....If it were my family, I would remove my child until the compulsory age my state has. She just might not be ready to go yet.
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
Farmgirl Sister #88
Blogs:
http://omgsitstasharose.wordpress.com
[url=http://lilypie.com] [/url] |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2012 : 12:38:24 PM
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For the outcome of what happened I think we are as close as can be expected.
When she was about 7 years old, my step mother and her had a battle of wills over wearing a seatbelt. That was before seat belt laws. But because of the aformentioned accident my step mother was vigilent on us wearing seat belts. Well a family member was in the car and got mad about it and worked at taking her away, and won! By that time my cousin was so attached to us, calling my dad DAD and thought I was her sister, etc. It was horrible really. Then the family member moved far away only letting her see us about once a year.
And because of all that it caused what I think is some emotional problems with my cousin. She has three children out of wedlock with three different daddies, and now the family member that ripped her from us, won't even speak to her cause she says she is so dissapointed in her. Yeah that's something to really do huh? Yeah a battle of wills over wearing a seatbelt is so much worse? Any way, it has really hurt my cousin that this family member won't even speak to her now.
I moved to NY (half way across country) over 10 years ago so didn't see her for a long time during that time. I now have moved back and we are back together again. She is trying to move closer to us again. (she's still living where the person who took her away moved to). I told her we would always be here for her no matter what and always love her. Yeah I don't agree with having children out of wedlock by a lot of different daddies at the same time from what she has been through I don't expect a lot different. The family member who took her was always "cool" in her love towards her, and never really had a love for her like we did. I have a feeling she really wanted a check for taking care of her and not really wanting her.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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necobia
True Blue Farmgirl
53 Posts
Lois
gloucester
va
USA
53 Posts |
Posted - Feb 29 2012 : 05:28:29 AM
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well all of the comments here are very good! as a former teacher turned therapist, I would like to reassure you most children go through a time of fear and anxiety when things change, especially around school time. It seems the better a childs life has been up until that point, sometimes the worse it is to transition! Just think, Mom ,Dad, grandma etc. have always been there with you and now, you are suddenly taken and dropped off or left with people you dont know. That is scary and uncomfortable. I would guess this child hasn't been left with too many non relatives in her life..... this is a big scary change and even if she was brave at first, now she has realized its not going away and perhaps she just wants the comfort of home that she is used to. However it almost always benefits children to be seperated from their comfort items (mom,dad,blanket,passifier,etc.) for a period of time at this age. It teaches them needed coping skills that are very important later in life. I am also going to assume that you do not susspect any type of abuse or bullies in her class? as this is another ball of wax!
I would insist that she goes to school, without too much emotion on your part. Explain to her that staying home is not an option. Granny should NOT go to school with her as this reinforces to her that you are also afraid that school is not a safe place and she needs to be protected. But you need to make double darn sure you are NEVER EVER late to pick this child up!! Just until she is comfortable, which should only take a month or two.
good luck!!! I know this is tough,my oldest child had a hard time when he went to school and we had to be tough but after a few weeks he began to slowly loosen up and by the end of the first year he loved school and has been a wonderful student ever since.
farmgirl sister 1271
http://laisydaisyfarm.weebly.com/ |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Need advice... |
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Need advice...
