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Family Matters:  A new start  |
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Apache Lady
Farmgirl in Training
47 Posts
Erika
La Puente
California
USA
47 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 15 2011 : 10:24:54 AM
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I've been inspired after reading several posts on this forum.
I've been officially divorced about 2 1/2 years, seperated an additional year. It took that long to settle everything, he kept the house, furnishings, 3 cars, etc. But I got out of a narcissistic relationship. He was always angry, had road rage, and I never got any support from him. Divorce was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Now I'm in a new relationship, two years now. Marc is a wonderful caring person. We are very much alike, especially in our hobbies and love for the outdoors. He has been very supportive in everything I do and very appreciative. He compliments me for my cooking, and we help each other in any project. Whether it's planting the garden or working on the boat, we both enjoy the fruits of our labor. I am very much in love with this man.
I am scheduled for surgery next month and Marc will be taking care of me. He's already told me he doesn't want me to worry about anything and just relax and enjoy my recovery. I'll be staying with him for 4-6 weeks, and you can bet I'll have my sewing projects to work on.
But here's a situation. His company has asked him how he felt about working in Australia. He does a lot of internation travel for work, and Australia is becoming a large client. He's on his way there now for 3 weeks, and I think they want him available more since business is booming in Australia. Nothing has been organized yet, we don't know if it will be for a couple of years or a few months on a few off. But he really want's me to go with him. I have always wanted to go to Australia.
He doesn't want me to worry about finances or a job. He has told me several times he wants me to enjoy life and enjoy what I want to do. Even if it's selling eggs or a web based fly tying business, he want's to take care of me. I cry every time I think abou this, I never got this kind of love, support, or encouragement from my ex. It was always about material posessions and money.
There are some hitches though. I own two cars, one with a payment. I love both of these vehicles, a Dodge Magnum and a 2500 4x4 diesel truck. He has a house payment and boat payment. Like nearly everyone in California, he's upside down on his mortgage, the loan is more than what it's worth. Plus I don't want to leave my dog behind for a few years, but it will cost about $2000 to ship her with all the quarantine and vet costs, one way. Then there is my job. I'm sick of this place, but it's good money, retirement, medical. I've never been without a job, this will be a whole new experience.
This is a dream come true, but also nerve wracking with all we own and what to do with it. Things would be much easier if we didn't have the payments that we do. Plus, we really want to move out of California, Bend Oregon is very appealing to us. I would really like to have our stuff if/when we get back. Who knows, we may decide to stay there ;0 But if we come back to the states, it would be good to have my vehicles. I know everything can go into storage, but that's going to be another expense. Plus I don't know how well the vehicles will store over a long period of time.
I guess time will tell, until we get a firm offer from his company we can only speculate. But i do feel better putting some of this down. Any advice or ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much! |
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njaw09
True Blue Farmgirl
397 Posts
Annie
NJ
USA
397 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2011 : 11:11:13 AM
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Erika-
It is a tough call. You should go with him to Australia & it is good for you to go away and take it easy after what you went through. You don't need the boat (he is going to Australia) and you don't know when he will be back. Can you let someone loan your car so they can maintain it and etc? I am not sure about the housing market. If you want a new adventure definitely go for it. We can't analyze too much in life. For your job. If you sick of it I am sure you can find another job at Australia. A whole new chapter for you and Marc. Yes it will be nerve whacking but sometimes even if you don't earn some profits now you never know what the future hold for you and Marc until you give it a try. Trust your instinct and look around the housing market at California. If you know you won't earn profits sell it or rent it out and go on from there. Your car and boat you can always get another one. Also if you don't give a try you will regret it and you will say why I didn't give it a try? Life is short and only you and Marc know what you both want. |
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njaw09
True Blue Farmgirl
397 Posts
Annie
NJ
USA
397 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2011 : 11:17:17 AM
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Forgot to mention.
When I move out many many years ago. I only had 400.00....going to school and working parttime. I survive and now I am happily marry. I was so nervous and who would had guess I made it...
I didn't know what will happen to me but I did research, I didn't give up and I follow my own dreams. |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2011 : 11:48:39 AM
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Bend, I love Bend. Beer, river, sunshine. Sometimes I have dreams about Sisters, OR.
Good men are hard to find. Look at my name, and listen to this. Find your dog a loving home.
“It always looks darkest just before it gets totally black.”-Charlie Brown |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2011 : 4:18:15 PM
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Sell it all and use the money to ship your dog. When you come back go to cars.com and you will most likely find hundreds of listings for your dream car/truck. Do not pass up the opportunity because of material possessions. Isn't that what you complained about with your ex?
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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SusanScarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
317 Posts
317 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2011 : 8:32:43 PM
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| From someone who married again and started a whole new life in her 50's ---- MARRY HIM. A commitment to moving halfway around the world and great adventure and being dependent on someone should come with the commitment and significance of a marriage certificate. Unexpected things happen and it's much easier legally to deal with them (particularly if you're out of the United States) if you're legally married. Trucks and cars and dogs can be replaced but a good man is very hard to find. Enjoy every minute. |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2011 : 07:32:13 AM
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well howdy, i live in bend. i agree it is a fine place. property here is now very affordable for those with income. land is being sold cheap. the banks appear to be doing deals we have several friends that have bought recently. if you have any questions about our area just ask. as far as your decision. honestly i can not say what you should do. we all walk alone when it comes to this type decision. i agree with the girls. i would think if it were me i would go with my heart. then use your brain and get a plan of action. cars are just that. sell the car or something and ship the dog. i am an adventure type personality. when money is not a huge concern you can see me in the thick of it. i love trying new things. i am so happy to know you are in love. there is nothing like it. papa and i have 38 years. he is truly my soul mate. we move through life together so smoothly. when one finds a good match hang on and go the distance. you must share your adventure with us. that is if you decide to go. otherwise come up to bend and stay for a visit. happy days sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farm girl #1014
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MaryLD
True Blue Farmgirl
861 Posts
Mary
New Braunfels
TX
USA
861 Posts |
Posted - Nov 18 2011 : 11:42:47 AM
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Get married, sell it all, and persue the dream! Life is short. I was widowed young and then I almost died two years later from a botched appendectomy. I have learned to follow my heart. Everything works out, we just have to take that leap of faith!
Mary LD
Haflingers- You can't have just one!
( I'm just one short of a drill team!) |
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batznthebelfry
True Blue Farmgirl
1257 Posts
Michele
Athol
Ma
USA
1257 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2011 : 03:27:13 AM
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possessions can always be replaced & honestly is that sofa really so important you need to store it for later? the dog I get when I left Oregon for Missouri I sold everything but my clothes & few bits of jewelry & shipped my wolf dog with me.....Needless to say over the years I have replaced everything I sold & don't even remember that stuff so do what you feel is right for you & your man...let go of what you can replace & keep what you can't...like the man!...Michele'
Chickens rule!
The Old Batz Farm
Hen #2622 |
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Missus Miranda
True Blue Farmgirl
285 Posts
Miranda
Thrall
TX
USA
285 Posts |
Posted - Nov 22 2011 : 11:33:33 AM
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Julie, you and me are really gonna have to meet up!
I LOVED the statement about material possessions, and that being what hurt things in the past.
The Old Man and I are making ends meet. We've got about 25 bucks between us till Friday, and yet, we're gonna make it work, LOL
He wants to spoil me with things, but I have to remind him, I don't need much. If I never get the things I want, I'll still be happy because I have him. It's kind of the opposite side of the coin, but when it comes to being happy with the men we love, it's the same idea. Material things fade away, but love that is real does not. (Oh lord, now I sound like a romance novel or something... haha!!  )
"I'm not trying to be mean or cantankerous. I just wish people would do the right thing, and use a little common sense." ~ Farmgirl 3535
Pflugerville, TX
http://www.tawnycow.blogspot.com/ |
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sue5901
True Blue Farmgirl
122 Posts
Sue
Wellingborough
United Kingdom
122 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2011 : 01:13:08 AM
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For me I guess the one thing you haven't mentioned is whether you have other people in your life - children, parents, good friends etc.
You could put me in the most wonderful place on earth with the most wonderful man and I would hate it without the other people I care about being there - they are what is really important in life - to me even more than a man. And the thought of being somewhere I know noone and not even having a job would fill me with horror.
So if you have noone and nothing to lose go for it - if you have others in your life think hard about life without them before deciding. Possessions don't mean much but people do!
I know about 20 couples who have emigrated to Australia and 19 of them are back within the year!!! Some missed family and friends, some found it very old-fashioned, and none of them could stand the heat - but they were English!!!
Dance like nobody's watching! |
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Apache Lady
Farmgirl in Training
47 Posts
Erika
La Puente
California
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2011 : 07:05:54 AM
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Thank you all for the heartfelt advice. All my family is here, and Marc knows that leaving my mom would be the hardest thing for me. But she will still be in good hands with my brother to watch out for her. I worked real hard for my two vehicles, the Mag I had to fight tooth and nail with my ex. Out of 4 vehicles that was the only one he insisted on selling, he kept the other three and used the joint accounts to pay them off. He refused to pay mine off and I had to continue the payments on my own until the lawyers straightened him out. Drama.
Anyway, everything else is just stuff and not a whole lot of value. Marc is in Australia right now, and he got a big questionaire from his HR department. Questions about his mortgage, posessions, pets. We're hoping they may pay to ship her, that would be wonderful! We were also discussing what we would ship, not a whole lot really. The house is really the big ticket, he's upside down like everyone else and ready to walk away from it, but i don't want him ruining his credit like mine. Our second house went into foreclosure, not fun.
This is one of those things you hear about all the time. Soemthing comes up, are you ready to grab life by the horns and see what happens?
I think yes ;0
I'll keep you posted!
Thank you all! |
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marthajane
True Blue Farmgirl
196 Posts
Anna
Orlando
FL
USA
196 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2011 : 09:00:06 AM
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Hey,
I know how it feels to fight hard for something, it really makes it feel like it's yours. I can tell that's why you don't feel the calling to just give it right up. Well give it some time, you have some good options, and there's no rush to make a decision is there?
Maybe you could try the long distance relationship. You're just getting adjusted to having such a wonderful opportunity together...why not give that some time to settle in, and meantime he can feel out his new job in Australia, while you hold down the fort in your own life.
Since you just gotout of a relationship with a real "control freak" (IMO) I would think a bit of time on your own would be welcome.
In most long distant relationships the main concern is always fidelity. But I don't see that as an issue with you and Marc since you're so (almost ridiculously) right for each other...I don't think I've heard of anyone with as much in common as the two of you!
And BTW, your last husband sounds like a real jerk. He didn't even have the common decency to share the possessions with you? He should have been made to be ashamed of himself for that by someone. Most everyone acknowledges that when you marry someone, you at least try to split everything evenly in a divorce. What a real jerk he was!
Also, the only other conern I would think is safety, suggesting some kind of home security, as well as other self defense measures.
Good Luck!
Happiness IS being a MOM |
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Family Matters: A new start |
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A new start
