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Across the Fence:  very upset i need guidance  |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 03 2011 : 3:01:59 PM
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I have not posted before mow, because I could never have kids, but he sounds like he is having some control and anger issues on top of maybe being under a a therapists care. He has a lot of resentment and anger and needs to work that out before he lashes out a some one, likely a female, and ends up in jail. It is a good time for you to live separate live tho'. He's tearing you down and child or no child, you don't deserve his anger and bullying problem.
He could be focusing his anger at you and his girl friend because he feels that you are safe and won't strike back, he could also be having problems with you married to a new husband, it could be subconscious resentment. In any case, I think that he really needs a therapist, and it wouldn't harm you to see one either, depression robs the colors from life and feeling suicidal, even if you don't' think you'd actually do it, is not a great place to be.I've been down both of those roads before. I suffer from several mental illnesses and have to take meds to keep my life worth living these days.
You deserve a peaceful and happy life!!
(((((((Farmgirl HUGZ)))))))
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
http://thegimpyfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
http://pinterest.com/annikaloveshats/
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
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Okie Farm Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
1674 Posts
Mary Beth
McLoud
Oklahoma
USA
1674 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2011 : 4:02:23 PM
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Connie, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. We had to with my daughter and it wasn't fun, but because my second husband and I stood our ground together and made her go out on her own (which was a scary and painful thing for me) she is now a very beautiful, responsible adult and it is just awesome to see.
First, something I found out in all the counseling is that children hold in or manage their anger over divorce or death until about age 20 to 25. Then all of a sudden it surfaces and Katy bar the door. And abusive/addictive behavior is passed on from generation to generation. Is it possible that your son is drinking? I ask that because your description is of someone like that.
I would like to make a suggestion just for you to ponder. There is an amazing, free group of people who can help you so much if you are willing to do whatever it takes to get back on solid ground. It is called Al Anon and though it is for the families and friends of alcoholics, it also meets the needs of the emotionally and physically abused. Your son is abusing you. You will be amazed at the things you learn at Al Anon regarding how to deal with that. You can go online and look up Al Anon and it will tell you where there is a close meeting.
I wish you luck, offer you a hug and assure you that God is in control and teaching all of you.
Much love...
Mary Beth
www.OklahomaPastryCloth.com
www.Oklahomapastrycloth.com/blog
The Sovereign Lord is my strength - Habakkuk 3:19 |
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grace gerber
True Blue Farmgirl
2804 Posts
grace
larkspur
colorado
USA
2804 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2011 : 7:50:18 PM
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My youngest was anything but a even kind of guy - however, I am one hard you know what because I knew that if I did not set the tone there would be worse things to come. I told him he had to leave when his angry behavior effected every part of the household. It was hard to do and it took him about two years to finally understand where I was coming from and what horrible behavior he was treating everyone with. I was a single parent after my husband passed and even with counselors he just could not get it that it was his sadness and anger at the loss of his father that was causing his acting out.. Now many years later we talk about how much sadness he caused us all including himself. He understand why he acted out and everytime he see's me he says he sorry. He is the most kind, respectful guy you would ever want to met - infact I always knew that was inside of him I just needed to be the stronger one for awhile. That is parenting - sucks, no cards for it and you will get tons sleepless night but well worth it. I send prayers, love and hopefully you two will find your way.
Grace Gerber
Larkspur Funny Farm and Fiber Art Studio
Where the spirits are high and the fiber is deep
http://www.larkspurfunnyfarm.etsy.com
http://larkspurfunnyfarm.blogspot.com
http://larkspurfunnyfarm.artfire.com
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2569 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2569 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2011 : 03:48:54 AM
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my son came to my husband and i last night wanting to talk to us. he was crying and said he finally understood why he was so angry...talking about things he went though in school that i never knew about and other issues. he spoke of anger he had for so long, not about me. he said how sorry he was for taking it out on me, and then he hugged me like he hadnt done in so long. i felt, as well as him that a burden has been lifted. i told him if he ever feels that way again he should seek help. he said he had been doing a lot of reading into some of the issues he knew he had and how to overcome them. he says he finally understands why he's been feeling the way he's been. i can only pray now that he will be ok. i never knew he was hurting, he never came to me.
he has plans with his fiancee to move to georgia next fall to attend school for computers. he seems to know what he wants to do, and i'm glad he has a goal. she will also be attending college to be a pharmacist. my son wants to take computer science and get a bachelors degree.
it sure is not easy being a mom.
connie
http://www.naturemaiden.com/ - Soap & Candle
http://modern-day-laura.blogspot.com/ -My Personal Blog
http://www.prairiefarmherbs.com/ -Herb Plants for the Home Garden
http://www.thriftyfarmgirl.com/ -My Online Thrift Shop
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Edited by - naturemaiden on Nov 04 2011 03:51:28 AM |
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heritagehunter
True Blue Farmgirl
207 Posts
Julie
La Salle
Co
USA
207 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2011 : 04:04:55 AM
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I am so glad he is aware and working on what's bothering him. It will probably take time and he may have set backs; but its a start. I hope it all works out!
Motherhood- hardest job you'll ever love!
Big hugs to both you and your son!! |
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2569 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2569 Posts |
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forgetmenot
True Blue Farmgirl
3602 Posts
Judith
Nora Springs
IA
USA
3602 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2011 : 07:21:15 AM
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Connie, I'm saying prayers for all of you. Been there...done that. The other farmgirls have about said it all. My family has lived through 4 generations of this illness. Believe me, there is hope! Some of us got help and some did not. But there definitely is hope. Hugs.
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the belief that something is more important than fear." Ambrose Red Moon |
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lilwing
True Blue Farmgirl
1403 Posts
Brooke
Fulshear
Texas
USA
1403 Posts |
Posted - Nov 06 2011 : 09:13:57 AM
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Aha! That's what it was! I knew it was something! I am so glad he is seeing it and so glad he came to you guys to talk! Will be praying, Connie.
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Proud Farmgirl #775
honeybrookefarm.blogspot.com
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2569 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2569 Posts |
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Across the Fence: very upset i need guidance |
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very upset i need guidance
