| Author |
Family Matters:  Being a first time mom  |
|
FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 07 2011 : 08:53:02 AM
|
Violet is almost three right now and the only thing I can honestly say to you that has stayed tried and true during our little tenure as parents is "don't get used to it, it will change tomorrow or within the next week". Just when I think I've got a discipline issue kicked, or a food challenge licked, or a solution to washing hair that WON'T cause tears, Violet can always one-up me in a matter of days :) Always keeps me on my toes, but can also be incredibly exhausting.
I recall at one point, when Violet was about 5 weeks old and collicky, with her screaming inches away from my face at 3 am, after 4 nights of little to no sleep, "why does this baby hate me so much?" and crying right along with her. Sleep deprivation can, quite literally, make you insane. So, tag team it, if you are able, with your mate. We did split shifts--since he worked at night, when he came home, I went to bed and then he could stay up with her while I got much needed sleep. Then, when his shift was over, I'd wake up and be with her for my tenure. We didn't see much of each other those first months, but we were MUCH nicer to each other, and to the rest of the world :)
I also remember that when they signed us out of the hospital after being there for 3 days, I looked at my husband and said, "they must be nuts--they're just going to let us walk out of here with her without any instruction, other than what she just hastily went over on these papers????" I felt like I was doing something CRAZY illegal!!! Turns out, you sort are just winging it, and you make mistakes, and you figure things out and it all gets better and then, as I originally posted, it changes again. So remember, above all things besides loving this baby unconditionally, remember to be flexible, and be able to roll with the punches--this is coming from a true control freak who has been incredibly levelled by a toddler :)
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
 |
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2011 : 09:39:36 AM
|
The best no tears shampoo is straight baking soda. I put it directly in my eyes to see if it would hurt and it didn't. All the "no tears" shampoo on the market always hurt my eyes when I was little, that's why I gave it a try directly to my own eyes, in case it ever got in my DDs eyes I would know exactly how it felt. I did the same with the apple cider vinegar that I use as a conditioner on their hair, and while it did sting a bit, it was a quick blast and didn't last long. Maybe half a second and then the stinging stopped and it was fast and easy to rinse out of my eye (unlike shampoo that is oily and such and takes a lot of rinsing!). And even at that the sting was not as hurtful as the baby shampoo sting. It's hard to describe but over all was not bad. So that's what we do.
And yes we do the split shifts too. The thing I wish we did here that other developed countries give is dad's getting maternity leave! Some countries give dads a whole year! I say we NEED it! Life would be so much easier if dad could stay home with me and help. In fact it would be nearly a breeze! Seems more natural, but we don't have that so we just muddle through it! lol
I've never given formula so I'm not sure about what to advise with it. Have you found a local LLL leader to come out, they will come out for free to help you. I would say just don't give up I've heard that six weeks is usually when a lot of babies will finally "get it", I've also heard a few take up to 8 weeks. I wouldn't give up though. I would keep on trying. The patting on the back seems to really help. Seems like he is on cue with the growth spurt though, 3 weeks is that time. I have to say though I never have found a difference in my kids, they seem to eat etc the same no matter the age, but I know other mom's really notice a difference.
I wish I could come and help! I know it's sooooo hard! UHG!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2011 : 10:48:04 AM
|
Laurie, we switched to formula when I went back to work--unfortunately, they ALL gave Violet stomach problems except Gerber's Goodstart (gentle) forumula--and we tried that after several weeks of trying all the top named brands and most expensive, even the organic formulas. We also supplemented her tummy issues with Gripe Water, which was a lifesaver.
I used Mustella products in the bath--they are pricey, but well worth it, and a little goes a long way. In fact, other than the goats milk baby soap that we buy from our CSA, I still use Mustella for Violet. She's got sensitive skin, just like I do. If it isn't broken, don't fix it...
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
|
|
|
Montrose Girl
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm
1360 Posts
Laurie
Montrose
CO
1360 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2011 : 11:55:12 AM
|
I haven't called the one LLL lady on this side of the mountain. They don't hold meetings, so I am out of luck there.
Heather you have your hands full! I don't know how you manage. You amaze me.
Jonni, that made me laugh. I'm a bit of a control freak myself. I had a routine done with the 3 hour feeding, but since last night we are on every 2 hours! I can't get much else done let alone trying to pump.
Time off for daddy wouldn't help us much as we have an orchard and he's the boss. He did take junior this morning so I could eat and get in the shower. He's getting more confident each day with handling a crying baby, and of course, since I was ready to pull my hair out with the crying this morning, as soon as dad takes him, he stops. Go figure.
Laurie
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
|
|
|
LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2011 : 11:59:22 AM
|
My husband and I split the night-time "shifts" for daughters #1, #2 and #3 so we would each be guaranteed SOME sleep. Then we got to our youngest, who literally bonded to me in about 3 seconds flat after birth when she was laid on my chest and didn't want anyone else but me to so much as touch her for about the next 6 months plus. Not my husband, not the post-partum doula, no one in the family. She would go into screaming hysterics and turn bright purple because she was crying so hard if anyone but me even tried to change her diaper. And when the pediatrician tried to do exams on her she would scream until she started gagging and sometimes threw up. And she wanted a breast in her mouth at ALL times. She slept with me, too, or she would just refuse to sleep (still does, as a matter of fact). Lucky thing she was my 4th baby or I would have started ripping my hair out - I just knew from experience that everything changes as time passes (not the sleeping thing yet, of course) and I just rolled with the craziness. She is now quite attached to her Daddy and her older sisters, but apart from us she wants little to do with anyone else.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2011 : 12:21:51 PM
|
that's how DD2 is with me Suzanne. When she was about 8 months old I wanted to shop for a few minutes in Walmart and my DH said never again! She too cried till she threw up.
A good baby wearing carrier is our best friend! Our babies sleep with us too. DD2 is still sleeping with us too! We need a bigger bed! lol haha
For sure have the LLL lady come out to your home. I am so sorry you don't have meetings in your area. UHG. They need meetings! They help so much. I wonder if you all could get some started up! We have 4 different rather large groups here. All with more then one leader. (each of them have at least 3 leaders, some have more, I think the one I go to has 5 leaders! lol haha Two of the women have 8 children each and are slightly older, 2 are younger then me, one with about 4 kids, and the other with just one toddler).
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2011 : 05:46:02 AM
|
Heather - completely sounds like your DD2 was like DD4! My poor husband would be walking the floors, singing and patting her while she SCREAMED until she threw up just so I could get a 10 min shower in every day. He would be so frazzled, and the minute she was back in my arms she would go instantly quiet and serene like it had never happened! Our pediatrician said she's never seen anything like it!
I laughed when I read about you putting baking soda in your eyes to test it! You are a hardcore Mommy, Heather. I buy most of our skincare/soap from small local companies where I know every single ingredient and have talked to them about where they source their supplies and how everything is made. That way there are no nasty surprises. Anyone hear about how some Johnson and Johnson baby products have now been found to release formaldehyde when used? Yuck! I'm glad I never used those! And I don't use baby lotion - I usually rub our babies down post-bath with a little organic olive oil. Works like a dream!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2011 : 12:28:47 PM
|
yes exactly how DD2 is. But, you know I love her to death we have a bond I think that will last a life time. A special bond it seems. She still is very attached, has to go to the bathroom with me when I shower too! lol haha She at least is old enough now to play while I am bathing! lol
As for the baking soda in the eyes, DD1 is VERY dramatic. lol And would cry about getting soap in her eyes. lol I do remember it really stinging and hurting when I was little, so I decided to give it a try to make sure if I it hurt her or not as with DD1 sometimes she just likes to hear herself scream I think! lol haha
UHG about Johnson and Johnson well you know I've never bought it cause it smells horrible! It smells so chemical that I never could buy it.
We use coconut oil and the like for lotion, works great too. I've heard a lot of good about olive oil though as lotion as well! Most the time though we don't need lotion as the baking soda and ACV really leave us pretty soft. lol
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2011 : 1:53:55 PM
|
I thought the same thing about the Johnson and Johnson baby products - someone gave me a big basket of them as a gift for my baby shower when I was pregnant with DD1. I smelled them and instantly decided against them - they smelled like a combo of motor oil and furniture polish to me - YUCK! I even brought a baby soap made by a local company that is formulated from organic goat's milk and calendula to the hospital with me each time I gave birth in order to avoid the Johnson and Johnson stuff they try to pawn off on you at the hospital to wash your newborn with.
I feel the same way about my youngest - I told my husband her behavior might be labor-intensive for me, but it's hard to argue with that level of devotion from her! Really - she never cried as long as she was in the sling carrier against me or later in the Bjorn (or had my breast in her mouth!)
Our family uses coconut oil, too! The reason I usually use olive oil for the girls is because I can keep it in a pump bottle in the bathroom - they are so impatient it's hard to get them to wait even the 5 seconds it takes to get the solid coconut oil to liquid in my hands! LOL
My husband used to laugh at me using "kitchen items" (like olive and coconut oil) for moisturizing the girls and I until I pointed out that by using them (especially the organic ones) then I knew exactly what we were getting. It amazes me what manufacturers can get away with putting in skincare products!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2011 : 6:46:13 PM
|
Oh I'm so glad no one gave them to me. lol I think every one knew I was kind of crunchy/organic type of mommy/person though. I mean I don't use that kind of stuff on myself. And I've been pretty vocal about it. Mainly cause I used to be allergic to a lot of things, but oddly enough when I got married a lot of my allergies went away, meanwhile my dh who never had allergies got them! So he can't use regular soaps and stuff. Thankfully he married me, because when he started getting the rashes and lesions etc. I knew the culprit and was right away able to show him the kinds of deodorant, soaps etc to switch to. I think he was chemically over loaded by his mother, she uses bleach daily on every thing, along with any and all kinds of other chemicals, DAILY! In fact when we first married I couldn't even go into her house the bleach and pinesol would send me into a asthma attack! I have a lot of friends who can't go many places, due to their allergies, and say my house is the only safe place for them to go-cause I don't use chemicals that they are allergic to. So every one knew I wouldn't use it. The few people who I've had in my life who refuse to stop giving me such stuff, should know as I just tell them, I either throw it away or donate it (depending on what I think is ethically the best thing to do with it).
And yes, it's for sure a level of devotion. I must say though on a certain level it's nice. lol On another level there used to be days I just wanted to go potty! lol hahaha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2011 : 7:24:47 PM
|
Oh my goodness, Heather, I had the exact same dilemma about what to do with the Johnson and Johnson stuff - I hated to pitch brand new stuff, but felt not right about donating it. I mean, if I thought it was chemical sludge I didn't want to put on MY baby, then how could I donate it to someone else to put on theirs? I ended up pouring it down the drain and taking the bottles to recycle.
The gift basket was from a friend of my mother's - and I grew up in a very "not progressive" family and area. I never even learned what ORGANIC meant until I was in college and had my eyes opened in a nutrition class. I then became a vegetarian (still am, and I've raised the girls that way from birth) and got interested in all aspects of "natural living." My family and their friends dubbed me a "weirdo" and a "nut." Luckily, my husband came from a large, progressive family and grew up in an open-minded area. When I was pregnant with our first, I read all about attachment parenting, co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, natural baby products, etc and fell in love with all of it. My mother told me breastfeeding, co-sleeping and baby-wearing would "warp" my daughter. She even tried to pressure me to have an elective c-section because she said it would be "cleaner and nicer" than a spontaneous V delivery. I still can't believe all the negativity and criticism I put up with.
My husband has really sensitive skin, too, only he didn't realize it until he met me and I pointed out all his irritated skin could be helped by using natural products instead of all the chemical garbage he had been using. Lo and behold, he switched and has had very few problems since.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
|
|
|
Montrose Girl
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm
1360 Posts
Laurie
Montrose
CO
1360 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2011 : 5:42:47 PM
|
I love the baby wearer. The only problem is then he doesn't like me putting him down and it makes it hard to pump so I miss. Bought a double pump yesterday so it doesn't take me so long when I get the chance to pump, but even that is not easy to find the time for.
He laughed today for the first time while he was sleeping. He'd been smiling a lot. It was quite funny.
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2011 : 6:38:07 PM
|
I love baby laughs!
OMG you just got a double pump, no wander it was so hard! Yes that will make it MUCH easier!
And yeah, I know it's hard to put them down they are soooooo content being worn. My lil guy barely wakes up much when being worn, only every few hours. The only thing is dropping food on his head while I eat! lol haha
I know what you mean about not being progressive that is how my inlaws are, very outdated in their education/views on things such as diet, and chemicals. My mother in law still thinks margarine is better for you then butter, and the like. My husband at first was a little scared of some things, like me switching from "oils" (hydranated) to lard, till he tasted the first thing I made with lard, he was a total convert then, he was like ALWAYS use lard! lol haha Funny thing is I just thought we should change cause I didn't like the idea of chemicals from some oils (not olive oil or coconut, but like corn, etc), any way, some things just taste better with lard too like pie crust, and biscuits, etc. Any way at first my husband was like well you can eat it but I'm still going to eat x, any way one time, and only once he tried it my way and ever since he was a total convert!
Then the funniest thing, it was hard to find lard in NYC I would ask at stores and the clerks would give me a confused look then I would explain what it was and the kids (young clerks) would give me a filthy disgusted look! lol haha And so one day I found a small grocery store that sold it, and I bought it but I was on the way to a party, and I had also bought things to make punch with. The ladies from my church were unpacking my grocery bags and seen the lard and they said, um Heather, is there lard in your punch? lol Um, NO! lol haha I just bought it cause I had a hard time finding it and when I did I got it! lol haha But, no lard in the punch! lol haha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Montrose Girl
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm
1360 Posts
Laurie
Montrose
CO
1360 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2011 : 07:45:48 AM
|
Oh Heather! I did that the other day. Drop a piece of tomato from my sandwich on his head along with a bit of condiment. He never woke...good thing.
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
|
|
|
Montrose Girl
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm
1360 Posts
Laurie
Montrose
CO
1360 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2011 : 09:12:36 AM
|
Lost my.... hmm, can't remember. Not that I can remember much of anything these days. I try to talk and words just vanish. Now, I've had a slight case of this for a while, but that was the stress of my job. Now, I can barely get out a whole sentence without having to stop and find the word I know is in my head. My mom just gave me a hug and said sleep deprivation.
Another one of those things they never tell you. We really do need a manual for this motherhood thing.
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2011 : 1:15:39 PM
|
We term it mommy brain. While pregnant your brain actually shrinks due to water loss-water goes to baby. It goes back to normal after some months/years. lol But, it's a fact that your brain shrinks and it causes this, the sleep deprevation probably doesn't help though. lol
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Montrose Girl
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm
1360 Posts
Laurie
Montrose
CO
1360 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2011 : 08:21:31 AM
|
Well, the breast feeding has not happened. No matter what I tried he just would not latch. I'm pumping, but not as much. Motherhood decisions. I was too stressed with the schedule of every 3 hours, so though it is not what I hoped how I would feed our son, I pump a few times a day. It's not perfect and I may loose it, but I'm not so wound up. Guess that was the best for all of us.
Hubby has taken over the morning feeding and though I hear them, I am getting a bit more rest to last the day. I still think there needs to be a manual! Last night I got to change clothes as he threw up on me. Lesson learned: When baby is fussy while feeding, don't force more, but burp, burp and burp again.
I love watching daddy play and interact. It is so different from my relationship with him. He'll do things I never would have and has the patience to work on some of the therapy we were given to help pathway development from the stroke.Taking lots of photos and have to get them organized so when I have time to work on his scrapbook I'll remember why I took the photo.
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
|
|
|
ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13773 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13773 Posts |
|
|
Montrose Girl
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm
1360 Posts
Laurie
Montrose
CO
1360 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2011 : 7:33:53 PM
|
Hindsight is 20/20. At nearly two months old, there are things I would do a little different if I could go back. We've already decided only one for many reasons, but I can see how the second child a mother is much more in tune with what to do. I would have taken my sister up on her offer to pull night duty and get some sleep. Silly me trying to be he-woman and do it all.
Yes, the little one changes the rules quite often and of late has been having quite the attitude! Ah the joys of minority rule.
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
|
|
|
LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 11:54:13 AM
|
Laurie - I'm sorry you have had so many challenges your first time around, but you sound like a sweet person and a great mom, so hang in there! And, if there was a mommy manual, the rules in it would have to change every day. I read every book imaginable on motherhood while pregnant with my first and she and my other three daughters still threw me curveballs every single day (several times a day, in fact!) No matter the rocky road, cherish this time - it goes so, so fast!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
Edited by - LuckyMommyof5 on Dec 02 2011 11:55:59 AM |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2011 : 6:20:59 PM
|
I am so sorry you didn't get more support in your area to help you out.
But, as Suzanne said you sound so sweet and I know you are doing the best you can. And that's all any of us can do. So hang in there mommy! And keep doing your best.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Montrose Girl
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm
1360 Posts
Laurie
Montrose
CO
1360 Posts |
Posted - Dec 03 2011 : 09:40:05 AM
|
Thanks ladies! He is a bundle of joy (most times) and we are learning every day. We have an occupational therapist working with us due to the stroke and already seeing changes in the little things. As you have all said, every child is different and every situation is too. Now I get to hold him more! as we are trying to get him to self correct and not go into the breath holding tantrums that were happening way too often. Daddy does baby yoga with him and it is so adorable. I love the frowns DS gives when dad tries something new.
And yes, just as I think we are getting into a new routine he switches it up. The OT also talked to her supervisor who is well trained in breast feeding and she is going to come out and see if we still have a chance to get him on. I know I want it, but it's another change and I'm a little hesitant since we have a bit of routine going with the bottle feeding. Can you tell I like being in control? Motherhood sure changes that!
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Dec 03 2011 : 11:01:58 PM
|
You for sure have a chance, it's not too late for sure. I hope the lady can help you. But, if not you can keep being a great mom any way as well. But, it's for sure not too late. You are still very new in it. From what I hear it takes a LOT of mom's at least this long to get it, a lot give up by now but I've had other friends tell me that it took them this long, they told me that when I was having so much trouble too. So not not too late for sure. I will be praying she can help you! Baby yoga sounds too cute!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Arlene
Farmgirl in Training
23 Posts
Arlene
Lincoln
TX
USA
23 Posts |
Posted - Dec 06 2011 : 6:55:00 PM
|
Ladies,
I am pregnant with twins and while I have a wonderful MJF sister chapter here in Central Texas I am the only memner starting a family (the other ladies either have empty nests these days or have decided to live child free). I am currently 8 months pregnant with twin boys and want to say I really appreciate the advice and insight posted here. I have no real network so I'll be turning to ya'll!
Cheers,
Arlene
http://horsefeathers24.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
Montrose Girl
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm
1360 Posts
Laurie
Montrose
CO
1360 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2011 : 10:59:51 AM
|
Arlene,
Congrats! Twins. oh my! I can't imagine taking care of two, but am sure you'll do fine. Sleep as much as you can. That's the best advice I have. The rest will come and change daily. If anyone volunteers to help at night, take them up on it, ok that's advice #2. I didn't enough when my sister was here.
Laurie
http://www.inntheorchardbnb.com/ |
|
|
|
Family Matters: Being a first time mom |
|
Being a first time mom
