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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Drop-off playdates?  |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 12 2011 : 05:46:24 AM
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Hi everyone. First, let me say I joined the chatroom and Farmgirl Sisterhood recently and am loving having found a spot where there are so many like-minded, amazing women.
I wanted to bring up the topic of drop-off playdates and see what everyone thought. I have decided to adopt a policy of not taking my girls to drop-off playdates and not hosting them, either, which has made me a bit unpopular to many in the mom/parent community around me. Don't get me wrong, I still want to participate in playdates, but my new policy (in the last few years) has been to invite parents and kids (and all siblings, etc) to our house as a group, and politely decline dropping any of my daughters off alone at another house to play with a friend.
My husband and I are very strict with what we let our children do and watch and we found, sadly, that there are many, many parents out there who are not so...careful, should I say? We had many bad experiences in the past when we used to allow our daughters to do drop-off playdates. Also, when I used to allow a friend to be dropped off to play with one of my girls (without their parent present), I had bad experiences - including having to deal with kids who had apparently never been taught manners, ones who thought it was ok to destroy my house (and I don't mean make a mess, I mean DESTROY!) and parents who thought I was a free babysitting service and would be hours late picking up their child.
Anyway, since I seem to be getting so much negativity from other parents around me about not participating in drop-off playdates right now, I was wondering what everyone else thought about them.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
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woolgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
901 Posts
Elizabeth
Great Lakes
IL
USA
901 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2011 : 05:58:36 AM
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We live in an area that has a lot of children too. My duaghter is 3 and sometimes the neighbors come over and like you said, destro things (how can they break something Rosemary has been playing with for months is 5 minutes?!), and are just overall mean-spirited, sassy children. U had a 4 year old the other day tell me I wasn't her mom so I couldn't tell her what to do, whilst she was in MY home. I feel the same way you do, like I am treated like a free babysitter, and it is always at inconvienient times.
What are the ages of your children? I think once they get quite a bit older maybe it is ok to do drop-off play dates, but for younger children, no way. Maybe you can find somewhere that has more like minded parents? Perhaps with a church group or at the library? I don't know because admittedly, I have for now all but given up on play-dates unless it is with family!
Liz
Farmgirl #1947
www.militaryfarmgirl.blogspot.com |
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Kristi_Lynn
Farmgirl in Training
15 Posts
Kristi
Shore acres
Texas
USA
15 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2011 : 06:12:44 AM
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I am a new mother, my baby is 6 months old. However I have never left my son with anyone but my mother and don't plan on leaving him with anyone who isn't family or close friend, My husband and I are in aggreeance that we will not be allowing drop off anything. Play dates, sleep overs, or whatever it may be. The sad thing is, that as much as most of us wish the world was more reminiscent of an older time, it simply isn't. We just can't trust people anymore...
I am 25 years old and even as a young person I can see the way the world has changed even in the short time I've been in it.
Kristi_Lynn
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2011 : 06:25:43 AM
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Hi Liz -
My daughters are 9, 6, 3 and 1. I also thought it would get easier to do "drop-offs" now that the oldest was, well, OLDER, but it hasn't proved the case. We don't allow our girls to play video games, watch commercial TV or even play in our front yard unattended. The last drop-off playdate I RELUCTANTLY let my oldest go on a 6 months ago proved to be a BIG mistake - the mom watched explicit soap operas right in front of my daughter (and her two little kids) and let them eat junk food for hours until my daughter got sick (and, yes, that last bit about the junk food was partly my daughter's fault because she knows we don't allow that food in our family for obvious reason and she should not have eaten it!) I honestly would have never guessed this would happen from having met the mom several times, but it did. It was then I decided no more drop-offs.
I'm with you on feeling used when having other parents suggest dropping-off their child at my house. After a few years of being back-talked by my oldest daughters' "friends" or neighbor kids and having them break toys and write on my walls, I had enough of that, too.
It just seems that almost no one wants a group playdate anymore (where parents and kids hang out together at a location/home). I know it's rough to do that for work-out-of-the-home parents, but I have found many SAHPs around me also unwilling to do group playdates. I did try joining some play groups over the years, but got turned off when some of the moms started using the playgroup as free babysitting - as in suddenly decided they just had something to do and could we please all watch their child (or children) for a few hours (and it was always the same moms doing this regularly) or, there would be kids in the play groups who were so ill-behaved or violent that my girls would end up getting hurt.
I just can't believe I have run into so many people in my area who don't seem to care how their children act, where they are or what they do! So frustrating!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
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Sobyn
True Blue Farmgirl
752 Posts
Sabrina
Kansas
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2011 : 12:18:47 PM
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| Wow, I must be lucky! I have yet to have anyone suggest a drop-off yet (either here or at their house). We do occasionally trade babysitting for "date nights" but I'm pretty particular about who I'll do that with (I have to trust the parents AND like the kids!). Otherwise I pretty much assume if we are having a playdate that means me and my children go hang out with you and your children (or you and your children come here)....not just dropping off a child. I don't think I would be crazy about that idea as a regular practice. |
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WinsomeWench
Farmgirl in Training
12 Posts
Jacquie
Inglewood
CA
USA
12 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2011 : 1:07:20 PM
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I'm with Sobyn! Drop off playdates are not popular here. Maybe my daughter's still young? But I'm not into drop off playdates so I'm glad that's the norm here!
“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2011 : 3:56:06 PM
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Like Sabrina around here parents seem to stay with their kids. But, I think it may just be our area, taking care of your own children and having LARGE families is normal around here. Most people have 6 or more children....it would just be a pain to drop this kid off over here and that one over there, etc. It's easier to get together at Church, Park, or just invite the whole family over.
I also really don't "trust" people outside my family alone with my children. My husband and I agreed on that before having children as well. I don't know if we are "strict" or not, just cautious. And we really don't like a lot of tv and stuff, even though that's not a huge thing around here-not much reception and most are menonites or amish so don't have tvs! lol But, yeah...I'm glad the circle I am with (those in my congregation and the LLL group I go to) seem to be very family centered and we all like being with our own children and just don't think about just dropping them off at some one else's home alone. WEIRD to me!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
Edited by - MagnoliaWhisper on Jul 12 2011 7:21:47 PM |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2011 : 6:46:55 PM
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I am glad that no one here (in the Farmgirl Connection) seems to think my current "no drop-offs" policy is odd. In my area, many parents are VERY "hands-off" in their parenting style and I just don't hold with that. I WANT to be with my girls, I want to get to know their friends and their friends' parents. Many parents I have met around us seem to spend A LOT of energy finding ways to do as little as possible with their children and it drives me nuts. Plus, I flat out don't like the idea of my children going alone to the home of someone I barely know, and the times I have been pressured into it I've lived to regret it.
I don't allow (and will never allow) any of my girls to go on sleepovers at anyone's house, either, and when I've said this to many other moms I've met they look at me like I'm an overprotective nut.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jul 13 2011 : 05:37:27 AM
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I have to admit that I am still open to letting my child go over to a friend's house as long as the other parent agrees and Nora is invited over. Funny story- all of a sudden this week, Nora starts telling me she wants a playdate at Kate's House. Can she please go to Kate's house? I tell her I will need to call Kate's mom and see what she says. So I get a hold of her and she says that Kate has been begging for Nora to come over- was it okay? It looks like our two little four year olds were hatching a plan! LOL I have to work on Friday to help out a co-worker so Nora is going over there for the morning and then on Sunday they are coming out to see my horse. These are people I trust explicitly. They are very kind and loving and we have really enjoyed the time we have shared together so far. Nora has also popped over to the neighbor's house a few times for a short amount of time, but I much prefer it when the neighbor kids come over here- (Control thing I suppose).
However I can't imagine having someone just ask if their child can come over without being invited. Where I was raise that would have been rude. Either the child or adult needs to invite them over- otherwise there needs to be some babysitting money exchanged!!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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buggysmum
True Blue Farmgirl
110 Posts
Shelly
110 Posts |
Posted - Jul 18 2011 : 03:55:31 AM
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I am right there with you on your drop-off policy, and it has led to some uncomfortable exchanges with other moms, but in the end, they usually understand...and if they don't....well, that alone is reason enough to not want my child going over to their house alone.
And it gets worse the older they get....(the trouble they might get themselves into while unsupervised at someone else's house).
Thanks for posting this; now I know I am not alone. |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Jul 18 2011 : 05:07:40 AM
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I've had some uncomfortable exchanges, too, once I decided to go with the "no drop-off" policy. The last drop-off playdate I got talked into (I wrote about it in a previous post in this topic) really sealed it for me. Unfortunately, it makes it hard for my daughters to socialize with friends because "drop-offs" seem to be what most parents are interested in around our area. I like a playdate where I can invite my child's friend, their parent and any of their siblings over to our house or even on a group outing. I just can't figure out what's so wrong with that.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
Edited by - LuckyMommyof5 on Jul 18 2011 05:11:46 AM |
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buggysmum
True Blue Farmgirl
110 Posts
Shelly
110 Posts |
Posted - Jul 18 2011 : 05:53:28 AM
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Most parents (sorry for sounding judgemental) just want to do their own thing, drop the kids off somewhere, and get them out of their hair. They don't want to devote a couple of hours to participating in a playdate. These are (again, at the risk of sounding judgemental) are the same people who are so interested in getting kids out of their way that they just let them watch whatever on TV or randomly search the net, play video games all day, etc. And this is not limited to parents who work outside the home (I work full-time), it's SAHM's too.
So most of the time, I encourage DD to play with the siblings of my friends' kids, so we can do family playdates....luckily, many are the same age. I am also very friendly/likeminded with one of her friend's moms, so that works out, too.
Shelly |
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Sobyn
True Blue Farmgirl
752 Posts
Sabrina
Kansas
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Jul 18 2011 : 09:07:11 AM
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Half the time when I set up a "play date" its more for me to hang out with the other mom then for my kids to hang out with their kids (the kids playing is just a bonus and allows us to actually "chat") :). Seems like by dropping them off you are missing out on your own "playdate" :).
Farmgirl Sister #3275 |
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buggysmum
True Blue Farmgirl
110 Posts
Shelly
110 Posts |
Posted - Jul 18 2011 : 3:43:12 PM
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| I personally like the idea of having our "playdate" too! :) |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jul 18 2011 : 4:38:44 PM
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lol Buggys, I didn't think you sounded judgemental sounded spot on to me!
I too like making play dates with the parents! We have went to parks and zoos and such together with the parents around here. Funny thing is around here dad's come too! We all have a good time. The other funny thing, last time I went on one I felt I drug every one down I was extremely tired and in a lot of pain.....and felt bad about it as the mommy, and friend of the other parents! (I'm pregnant and takes a lot of my energy away, and I have back problems so often in pain from it. uhg).
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 05:30:38 AM
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Heather - NEVER feel bad about feeling tired, crabby, worn-out, emotional or whatever while pregnant - any mommy who has been there will (or should) understand!
I also like to get time to know the other moms or parents and I love a big get-together or outing. I only wish it was the norm around here rather than the exception. Too bad all we Farmgirls don't live in the same city! ;-)
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 8:29:17 PM
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I don't do dropoff playdates either. It's my playdate, too. I have to like the parents or else there's no way my kid is having a playdate. I can see myself letting DD have friends over without their parents as she gets older because they can entertain themselves for longer periods of time. We don't allow inappropriate movies, music, video games, or internet. I think other kids may be rather bored with coming over :)
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2011 : 06:21:22 AM
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Suzanne,
Your children are YOUR children and they are YOUR responsibility. Who cares what the other moms think? You must do what is right for you. I would not drop my daughter off for playdates or birthday parties without staying, until she was older. She is now nine, and is allowed to go to drop off playdates only with parents who I KNOW share my same policies and who I trust. Make no apologies for what you think is right. Stick to your values!
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
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WoodstreamDreambyNicole
True Blue Farmgirl
177 Posts
Nicole
Marlton
NJ
USA
177 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2011 : 12:51:44 PM
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I agree with Nicole from CT. I think that you should do what you're comfortable with with your children - who cares about the norm?
I have a small group of friends who I have playdates with for my children. We get together when we can (all SAHM) and the kids play while we visit or cook together. It's been a great experience for all of us. Now sometimes we drop off because someone has a dr appointment or whatever, but this is among the four of us and we all know and trust each other and we all discipline in similar ways. Our children also know boundaries and if they're crossed (out of excitement or whatever) - then the children know there are consequences.
I've done one drop-off playdate for my older son, this past winter with a family in our development - my son was in kindergarten with their middle child. I was very uncomfortable with it, but my son had a good time. We talked about what they played and it was mostly stuff we don't do at our home. We tried to reciprocate, but at the "drop-off" time the child freaked out and cried hysterically until the mother just took him home explaining that he's very shy, but does fine at home. We invited the child to our son's birthday party about a month later and they cancelled that morning with illness, so who really knows - it could have been anxiety on the child's part that made him not feel well. I've been there with myself.
Since then we've stuck with our group to play with on a regular basis. I feel more comfortable that way because we allow certain things and never allow other things to occur. I like my children leading the sheltered life, they're only children once and I'd like to be the one who instills the values we consider important - not a television show or some other family.
Do what feels right!
Nicole
Shop
www.woodstreamdream.etsy.com
Custom Creations
www.woodstreamdream.blogspot.com |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Jul 28 2011 : 05:24:13 AM
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Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement. I love the Farmgirl Connection because it is such a great place to discuss issues!
Like I wrote, it's been rough because in our area "hands-off" parenting is the norm and my protectiveness and involvement with my girls is often considered "odd" by other parents. All of you are right, though, that I need to stand up for our family values and do what my husband and I are comfortable with as parents and tune out the criticism of other parents we've run across.
Just because we don't hold with what everyone else around us does, it doesn't mean we're wrong.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Drop-off playdates? |
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Drop-off playdates?
