| Author |
Family Matters:  Parenting your parent...  |
|
Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
 Posted - May 29 2011 : 2:11:59 PM
|
I admire and respect the advice of farmgirls and their homespun wisdom, and I definitely need to vent, because I'm at the wits end of this situation.
The long and the short of it is, 3 years ago I was having marital problems and was looking at being on my own with 2 young kids. At the same time, my mother (50 at the time) wanted to leave her drunk boyfriend she had moved cross country into a house with in Arizona.
We agreed to go in on a lease on a large house I found online near her 50/50. At the time she was working as a server at Olive Garden full time, and while I hadn't worked in 6 years, I was jobsearching heavily (I applied for over 80 jobs the first 3 weeks and not one ever called me back by the way, job market in Phoenix is awful.)
My husband and I patched things up just a month after moving, and he left his job to move back in with his family (us) down here and took an enormous pay cut just to have a job at all. Shortly after that, my mom was diagnosed with a torn achilles tendon and took her short term disability insurance to have her foot reconstructed, recover and go back to work. It took about 5 months longer than it should have because of the health insurance dallied about with treatments that didn't work at all trying to solve the problem more cheaply than surgery. By the time she was released to go back to work, her company broke their word and would not give her her job back.
She started a program to be a licensed insurance agent to work on-- around looking for a job, but reality sank in when she realized how boring the subject matter was with all the laws and policies that she procrastinated the crap out of the program. "Working on the insurance thing" kept her from looking for a regular job because she decided that she was "too old to work that hard" anymore, but she went like 3 months without doing either one at all. She originally lived on her short term disability insurance checks, now it's unemployment and whatever money she earns selling her jewelry on the side of the road on weekends. Sometimes it's as much as a hundred a weekend, sometimes its less than 20.
About that time, she got some kind of a spider bite that went septic and landed her in the hospital for the infection, and a diabetic break down, she nearly died. It was an awful ordeal that lasted about 3 weeks all in hospital while all her conditions were worked out, and 2 more months of at home care with round the clock IVs and medications I had to administer because she was too confused to understand the instructions because of her blood sugar haze at the time. She had major inter-muscular surgery to remove the pockets of infection from her thigh, and major wound care, but all of that is just about healed up now. It's a small open wound about the size of a ping pong ball on the surface of her inner thigh. Her diabetes is well under control, and she looks and acts about 10 years younger than her age.
She has sole custody and support of my now 18 year old sister, and 13 year old half brother who also live in the house.
Remember how I mentioned that this lease and home expenses were supposed to be 50/50? The home lease is in my name and hers, the electricity is in my names and my husband's, and those are the only 50/50 expenses. She and I roughly put in the same amount of groceries and her family and mine eat about the same amount of the food. Taking into account all the bills in our name that keeps the family going... maintaining the swimming pool on the property, and feeding the horses (hers), my husband and I pay about 300$ more a month to maintain the leased home and animals than she does, not counting when she shorts us on her half of the power or rent by 25 to 100+ dollars. Which is virtually, every single month, may through february.
My husband earns about 1600 a month gross, working full time and going to school for a new vocation. I stay at home full time with an 8 year old, 5 year old, and a 9 month old (surprise! baby number 3!) keeping the house up, and providing two meals a day for 8 people.
My sister just graduated, and is looking for a job, has no plans of going to school, and (eventually) does any housework she's asked to do.
My brother does only what he's forced to do, grudgingly, and barely. His chore list is short, and it's a crap shoot to see any of it done within a WEEK. His main job is to take the trash out... today it's business as usual. The can in the house is full, there's a disorganized pile of cardboard and milk jugs on the floor next to it that's been there for nearly a week. When the house smelled like something died inside it last week I found a bag of trash he put *next to* the door and left it there for who knows how long.
The last chore my mom did was wash the dishes for my sister the night she graduated. She did a bad job, and talked about it for two days. I'm surprised she didn't request a parade. She doesn't clean her own bedroom, or her bathroom. She makes my brother and sister do it for her because they "use her bathroom" and "hang out in her room". She rarely enforces any of my brother's chores, or punishment if he gets grounded. Yet she ride's my sister HARD for being lazy if she sleeps in, or doesn't do chores fast enough, and goes on about how she's "just like your (grand champion in worthless, lazy) father" In a nutshell, my mother does nothing around the house except make dinner once a week or so, skim the pool for 10 minutes, feed her horses occaisionally, and sit in her room making jewelry and watching netflix.
Most anything that needs to be done around the house, I do, my kids do to help me, or she orders her kids to do. (When I'm out, she orders my kids to do big kid chores unsupervised, then [bleep]es about the bad job they do. THEY'RE LITTLE KIDS!!!)
To bring all those past, ingrained issues to a head, when my mom took my sister job hunting last week, she said she was applying for a server job at a smaller restaurant (after poo pooing my suggestions and refusing to apply for several good jobs I found for her that she could do.)
I asked her about it today, and she said she hadn't taken in her application yet because she was waiting for the boss to come back on vacation. One more excuse.
I flipped. I asked her if she realized that my husband lost several opportunities for good jobs for that very reason? They filled the positions too quickly. She replied they were going to be hiring two new people a month.
In her head that meant there would "always" be two openings.
In my head it clicked: "There were ONLY two opening a month"
Then before I could speak she said "they know who I am." Well, who the heck IS she to a hiring manager?? just some Olive Garden ex server that hasn't worked in 2+ years who wandered in and didn't bother to fill out an application is who!
I told her that if she really didn't want a job anymore, could she please tell me so I could find one to make sure the bills were covered on time.
She replied that her doctor told her she shouldn't be working in public for the last 3 months. I replied that she should have worked on the insurance lisence then. She snapped that she HATED insurance and it was boring. Then she rushed to add "but I'll finish it, because I started it."
I told her I'd believe it when I see it, and she snapped that I "was not her mother" and stomped away as I said "it sure feels like it sometimes".
Anyway... I'm fried. I'm tired of worrying all the time that the power will be shut off, or the rent wont get paid in time. I'm tired of never having any of my money left over to go out to a movie or dinner with my husband. I'm tired of ripping up t-shirts to make cloth diapers because I don't have gas or 6$ to drive to the store and buy more. I'm tired of having a panic attack over every fix our car needs because we can't afford it. I'm tired of parenting my kids and her teenagers, I'm tired of working 14 hours a day keeping the house in shape, fixing things that get broken, taking care of stuff she won't even make her kids do that they are supposed to, or having to work around their mess.
Most of all though, I'm tired of carrying her weight, listening to her excuses, and having to be mad at my mother all the time for living off of me work free, and feeling like there's nothing wrong with it.
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ~Will Rogers |
|
|
classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2011 : 2:53:21 PM
|
Jen it sure sounds like you are carrying a very heavy load. Get serious with her and sit her down and tell her how it is going to be and if she's not exceptable with that, she's free to find herself another place. Which I bet she doesn't want to do that either. Praying for you sister, that you get this nipped in the bud soon. Hugs,Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
 |
|
|
Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2011 : 3:06:34 PM
|
Oh honey, I'm putting both of my arms around you and hugging you tight. Then I'm gonna to insist that you sit down and put your feet up while I get you some iced tea. Then you are gonna get dressed and go out for dinner with your husband and eat something healthy that you didn't have to make yourself and just breathe.
You must be so overwhelmed-how could you not be-you are all things to all people all of the time. My heart is with you. Sometimes you just need to get it all out. I did my own vent on the forum last week. You certainly have your hands full just with your own family. How much longer do you have on the lease? Could you and your husband manage it on your own if you put her and her sorry children out? What a difficult situation because, of course, she is still your mother. Maybe it's time to have a family meeting and put expectations and consequences down on paper. Know in advance what you are willing to do and what you aren't and what is a MUST HAVE from her and your sibs.
It is not an easy process and there aren't easy answers. You will probably have to do it over again and again but you still need to set the limit for yourself and your family because you sure can't go on like this. Maybe ther's some low-cost family therapy in your area. If they won't go, go for yourself.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix the dysfunction because you certainly deserve it. Please know that I am hugging you daily and keeping you close to my heart in thought and prayers. I'm so sorry you are going through this. At least today, just enjoy your husband and children and let the rest of them fend for themselves. GREAT BIG farmgirl hugs, Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
|
|
|
Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2011 : 4:34:29 PM
|
I'm afraid I'm stuck pretty deep in the house. We've been in the bigger house for almost 3 years (I moved out of an apartment) and I've taken on dogs I have a responsibility to care for, and I just can't shoehorn my family into a 2 bedroom apartment anymore. The horses I don't complain too much about because they're pretty much family. The oldest one is my age, and we've had him that long.
Plus I'm on such a shoestring there's NO way I could get together a first and deposit for a smaller place, there is literally nothing left to cut. I'm beginning to consider instituting a 4 hour a day morning brown out on week days to trim from our power bill, but I don't think we can live with it during the summer when the nighttime "low" is 100 degrees.
Just as I can't get into another place, neither can she, and every day that disaster is averted on the merits of my prayers or sweat, or selling my stuff on craiglist, she has nothing to worry about, and I enable her to do nothing.
Nope.... I think my only option is the motherly art of passive agressive guilt trips. If I try to have a confrontation with this woman, she lays low for a few hours, then starts conversing about a different subject and pretends nothing happened.
I'm going to have to shame her into getting a job >_< and charge her for internet and her cell phone when she does.
The only thing lately that's encourages me to keep going strong is that the hubby and I have a plan (financial and otherwise) to buy a farmette back east when he finishes school. I look at houses for fun and dream about everything I'm going to do with it. I've already told her that I was planning on moving her with us (no charge) and that we were going to buy the house on our own. At first she was excited and we were taking about opening a quilting and bead shop in front of the house (We have a full inventory in storage and I figured it had the best chance to getting her working of some description.)
Yesterday she actually tried to talk me out of it because she decided (on her own, with no research) winter will be too cold. She grew up 600 miles to the north in Wisconsin and based on that alone has decided Missouri will be exactly like it.
I replied that I knew what the weather was like, and we were going. Then she tried to tell me how nice Arizona was and didn't I like it here? I said I hated it, but she was welcome to stay here when I moved if she really wanted to.
At least to my credit, I can't be bullied by my mother.
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ~Will Rogers |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2011 : 5:23:44 PM
|
hmm, why are you paying for her cell phone? A cell phone is a luxury item not a need. I would cut out anything that is not a need-needs are things like food and shelter......every thing else can be cut! I personally only have magic jack-it's a thing you plug into the pc and use the phone, it cost me approx 12 dollars a year (20 the first year then I bought a 5 year package that divided the price into 12 dollars a year). As for cell phones, I've went with out for years at a time, then my husband breaks down cause he doesn't like me being out and buys me one. However, I haven't been on a contract phone in YEARS! I always refuse my husband putting me on a contract, and use virgin mobile prepay, for 100 dollars a YEAR (year not month!) cause I barely need it. If I want to talk to some one, I can either email them, or call them on magic jack if I am away from the house, I do not NEED to be in constant contact with friends, I basically have a cell for my husband's peace of mind that I can call him or 911 in case of emergency. I won't even give any one but my mom, sister, and dad (and of course husband) my cells phone number, I don't want any one in the habit of calling me on the cell, as I think that's a waste and a luxury. When I grew up you put 25 cents in the pay phone if you had a emergency and needed to call a tow truck or your husband cause your car broke down, or you just didn't make calls while you were out. You waited and made your calls when you got home! lol And if you missed a call at home, you know what, people could always call back later (although by the time I was growing up answering machines had been invented, only "rich" people had them! lol That wasn't us! lol). And we all seemed to survive. In the economy we are living in, I look at every thing VERY VERY skeptically and there is NO sacred cows, like I said we need food and shelter every thing else is "extras" that can be cut. You must put a deadline on your mother or she must get out, you must bring down the hatchet on your brother or he will have to get out at 18. I see grounding doesn't work for him, find his currency and take it away! Does he have a cell? Take it away! Does he have a PC? Take it away! What ever he has that he likes, take it away, if he isn't doing his chores.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2011 : 6:00:31 PM
|
Little brother's currency is "mama". I told him to get off of my xbox until his chores were done this morning, then he went into "mama's" room to go watch TV with her instead, then her TV didn't work and she snapped on him because she was in a foul mood from my talking to at her this morning LOL and she's been snapping on her kids all day, lighting fires under their butts to clean their rooms.
I don't know what she's doing in there, but it ain't watching movies! Hubby was upset from seeing me crying and he blocked her player from the internet for now so she'll have to focus on reality today.
My mom's contribution to the cell phone bill is $20, and our mobile service package for me, my mom and my hubby (that's it) is less than what the phone company wanted for a land line because my hubby works at Best Buy and has super mega ultra discount. She talks too much for a cheaper plan. We've tried a variety of things and the way the phone bills were running, this managed to be the cheapest solution. I could even live with the way the bills are now honestly if we just wouldn't have to cover her shortfalls constantly.
Bottom line is, she needs to get a job and cover all her expenses and more of the miscellany in general now to preserve my sanity.
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ~Will Rogers |
|
|
|
Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2011 : 6:05:13 PM
|
If it comes down to it, I'm going to penalize myself more than anyone else when I shut off the internet. Playing role playing games online is my "do something that doesn't end with the word 'mommy'" escape. Not being able to afford a basic 50 dollar expense that I get that much enjoyment out of because she doesn't want to have a boss and go to a job is a load of bull.
I shouldn't have to put up with all this and then get punished myself >_<
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ~Will Rogers |
|
|
|
SusanScarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
317 Posts
317 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2011 : 6:07:53 PM
|
| Sending farmgirl hugs to you. I agree about the cell phone - cancel it and anything else that you pay for on her behalf. Make your plans to move where you want to live with your husband/kids. Tell you mom that you and yours are moving and when you're moving and that she needs to make plans for herself and her kids. Why are you planning on moving her with you? And at no expense to her? If the horses are hers, why are you worred about find a place for them, that's her responsibility. |
|
|
|
Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2011 : 6:51:53 PM
|
A lot of these things (like the internet service, and the cell phones) are multi year contract obligations I went onto in good faith, and before we got them she agreed to "pay for her portion when she was working..." and now she's avoiding working. It occurred to me today that if I shut em off, I'm still going to get slapped with an early termination of hundreds.
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ~Will Rogers |
|
|
|
Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2011 : 7:40:07 PM
|
Jen- do you guys have a wireless router? If so I and you want to cut her off- password protect your router and then simply change it every month. If she pays- she gets that month's password. If she doesn't then she doesn't get the internet, netflix etc.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
|
|
|
|
FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - May 30 2011 : 07:09:22 AM
|
I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that you are not the only one in this situation. I highly recommend you start listening to Dave Ramsey on the radio, if you aren't already. He's a very down to earth guy who can help get your finances in order, and the radio show is free to listen to. I'm surprised at the number of call-ins from people who have parents that are acting like children now. I would even suggest you call in. He can give you some real no-nonsense advice, that if followed, will get you out of this cycle of stress and worry. My family is following his plan and we are now getting out of debt.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - May 30 2011 : 07:18:48 AM
|
I agree that Dave Ramsey and can get you out of debt. But you must be very deciplined and that means everyone! But when your down and there no other way up his plan works wonderfully. I feel this could really be your way back! Hugs and Prayers for you Jen that you can find the will to make it work. Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
|
|
|
Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - May 30 2011 : 2:37:32 PM
|
Thanks Brenda and Julie! Hubby and I are already working on that debt snowball! Love Dave Ramsey!
The thing that kills me about my Mom is that she was NEVER flaky or lazy before, in fact growing up she was kind of a workaholic. But hey, last night I wandered in to check up on her for dinner, and guess what I saw on the bed?
A filled out application! So I'm hoping I just need to keep her grounded and accountable to get her to act (finally.)
I prayed about the living situation, and I am at peace for now, and it felt a lot better just to be heard and lifted up.
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ~Will Rogers |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 30 2011 : 5:43:41 PM
|
I was going to say exactly what Alee said, I like the Dave Ramsey idea as well!
My grandmother was NEVER lazy. However, she changed a lot in the last years of her life. Ok she grew up during the depression all they ate literally was corn bread and milk that was ALL! When she grew up and married my grandfather he had good jobs and they would have other foods she had never had before like beef, and such. Then my grandfather died in a plane crash and she had five children at home in the 1950's. VERY difficult times. She didn't want to re-marry for worry a step father would abuse her children (the youngest was only 3 years old). So they went to eating beans and cornbread ALL the time, rarely if ever anything else. My mom said once in a while they would go to mc donald's and they were allowed ONE thing, only french fries, or only a burger, or only a drink, never burger and fries, or burger and drink, only one each. Any way....my mom vowed she would have lots of food when she grew up. lol So we rarely ate beans but sometimes we did. Sometimes mom just missed her girlhood meal of beans and corn bread and that would be dinner. My mom was one of her younger children she had had later in life, grandma was in a bus accident when I was about 3 years old (she was a school bus driver, she still had a few children at home, and driving a school bus gave her school inservice days off so she could be home with her kids) the bus accident broke her back in 3 places, she didn't heal for over a year, with the slow healing they decided to do other tests and found out she had diabetes, not long after that things went into dementia. Any way........long story long she ended up moving in with us cause she could no longer care for her self. So one day mom makes beans and cornbread for dinner. By, this time we are POOR cause my mom and step dad later had a car wreck that permanently disabled both of them, and in fact they were supposed to die from the car wreck it was so bad, but barely lived. Any way......mom puts dinner on the table and grandma refuses to eat it. Mom asks her why she's not eating. She says she doesn't like beans and corn bread. Mom says we ate this every day of my childhood what do you mean you don't like it? She says, yeah that's when we were poor! lol My mom and I looked at each other and broke out laughing! Cause us clue grandma, we still are poor! lol haha But, grandma didn't think we were poor any more, cause even though my step father was disabled he had learned how to hunt being disabled (there's special ways, and special laws for the disabled and hunting) and we used to take grandma to the cosmetology school once a week cause my mom's best friend was the accountant there, and volunteered us to let grandma go there once a week and get the works, and she would watch over us and give us a employee discount (which the school is already super cheap then add in the discount, and it literally only cost us like 5 dollars a week and she got her hair done, nails-both toes, and fingers, and facial and full body massage for that, it was a literal whole day affair we had to send her with a lunch, which mom's friend would give her at lunch time and have her eat with her during lunch time! This was soooo nice having one day off a week with some one with dementia believe me!) Any way cause of that I guess grandma thought she was being PAMPERED! lol haha She used to think she was some stuff that she got to do that once a week and was so proud to tell her friends! lol haha (we never told her about the friend and that she was going pretty much to give us a day off a week, she just thought this was something special she got to do "alone" once a week since because of her dementia she never could really be "alone".) Any way........she thought we were no longer poor cause of that! lol
Any way, my point is, sounds like your mom has lost reality like you said, and needs shook back into it. I think you allowing her to be the way she is, right now is giving her a excuse to just slack off. I hope she will get stuff together.
something you said though just reminded me of that corn bread and beans story. lol Sorry I don't know why I told it now! lol I don't think your mom has dementia. lol I just guess sometimes some people think in some fantasy world though that doesn't exist!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
adnama
True Blue Farmgirl
171 Posts
inge
fargo
north dakota
USA
171 Posts |
Posted - May 30 2011 : 6:26:10 PM
|
| Oh, baby, so sorry your going through this. As a over 50' something mom myself, I don't understand your mom's situation, this is not a normal thing for her-- I'm guessing-- she may just be a bit depressed and unable to think that she's going to make it. That may be- god forbid, but you gotta pull up your big girl panties and do the tough love that you've started with her. And her children. Schedule if chores are not done... things get removed... banned from.. or not allowed. These kids are old enough to be pulling their own weight the 13 year old should be doing more then sorta taking out the garbage... if it doesn't go move it into his room... If he can't stand the smell, maybe then he'll do what he is supposed to do... he should be helping with the lawn, the kitchen... he needs to learn how to cook, clean up and set and clear the table. Make this his job one night every two weeks. The rewards that he will feel will help increase his sense of worth. I thought about this for a while and it seems that this is the bottom line problem here. Both mom's and kids self worth have taken a big hit. And when every thing is just a bit to much, remeber there must have been a time when she was a GREAT MOM... she had you and from what I've read of your posts. You seem like a pretty grounded, responsible gal. Help her relieze that the reason your asking this of her to be grounded and responsible again is that you want your children to think of their grandma in that same light. Hugs, and keep on keeping on. Love |
|
|
|
Heartbroken farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
604 Posts
Annette
rio vista
Ca
USA
604 Posts |
Posted - Jun 04 2011 : 11:51:10 AM
|
Sounds like you got lots of good advice here. Sending you lots of hugs, and thoughts, during this frustrating time at home. I'll keep your fam in my prayers.
The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.
www.broken908.blogspot.com
http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/broken908
"The aim of education is the knowledge not of facts but of values."-Dean William Ralph Inge |
|
|
|
prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Jun 05 2011 : 4:27:36 PM
|
Hugs and prayers going out to you! Hope that things will get better soon. Agree with most here that you probably need to sit down, lay down some guidelines or you are just going to be overwhelmed and stressed!
Blessings,  Linda
Country at Heart |
|
|
|
kathleenshoop
True Blue Farmgirl
102 Posts
kathleen
oakmont
pa
USA
102 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2011 : 07:39:32 AM
|
I feel for you. I have nothing concrete to offer you, except to say that I'm sending good thoughts/prayers your way. It seems that you have so many layers of complicated issues to deal with, and if just one layer could be thrown back, you might be able to breathe again. Not that you have done all of this, but maybe start of list of things that you can handle/affect and those that are obstacles that you can't move right now. What can you do right now to ease some stress? Oh, my gosh, I wish I could help change something for you. You sound like a really strong person. You'll get through this.
Kathie
http://www.amazon.com/Winner--Best-Regional-Fiction-Midwest-ebook/dp/B004XR50K6/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1307370315&sr=8-3
Author, The Last Letter, The novel for every daughter who thinks she knows her mother's story... |
|
|
|
Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2011 : 12:30:58 AM
|
Update for interested parties:
My mom did follow through with applying at the restaurant but we haven't heard anything back yet. She it taking me seriously about other positions as well.
Brother was being a horrendous brat yesterday losing his temper, hitting things, throwing stuff around. When he almost broke my glass TV stand I collared him and barked that he WAS going to stop mouthing off, cussing at our mom and throwing stuff around and I sent him to his room to take a nap just like I do my 5 year old! After that he was considerably better behaved from then up through today.
It would just relieve so many problems if my mom was working again. I'd respect her more for covering her own responsibilities, and I wouldn't mind doing the majority of the housekeeping if I'm the only adult not working (a job)
I'd appreciate any prayers for my mother to be offered a paying job soon, I know it's what I'm praying for.
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ~Will Rogers |
|
|
|
Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2011 : 2:05:30 PM
|
Need more prayers for patience in this frustrating new chapter. Apparently "due by" dates for bills are no more than general targets.
I don't get mom's half of the power bill for another day...3 days late AFTER I requested a 10 day extension on the original past due bill. I'm spending the day with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach hoping they don't dispatch the guy to disconnect our power before I get money from her bank account tomorrow. If it gets disconnected I wont get power back because I can't afford a new deposit. If I could I'd just pay the bill today. Like I did when she didn't have all her rent on the day it was due either. I paid 80$ out of my own pocket (actually, borrowed it from OTHER bills) to cover the full amount of her portion 2 weeks ago, of which she has only thus far repaid 60.
I wish I could live in this imaginary fantasy world where someone would make sure MY bills got paid if I didn't bother to save money ahead of time >_<
Her excuse? her unemployment checks don't come till tuesday. Ever. So I shouldn't be all surprised that she didn't bring money home today.
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ~Will Rogers |
|
|
|
Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2011 : 5:32:56 PM
|
Oh honey, what on-going frustration. I wish I could hug you and take you out for an hour to yourself and sip lattes and pretend all is well in the world. Sending prayers and positive energy your way. Hoping the power stays on. Hugs, Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
|
|
|
Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 7:37:24 PM
|
A'right, bill got paid. I am now good until around the 15th of July and then the entire cycle begins anew.
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ~Will Rogers |
|
|
|
Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2011 : 10:22:52 AM
|
So glad you still have power on. Hope you find some peace between now and 7/15. Thinking of you and sending hugs, Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
|
|
|
Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 10:09:42 AM
|
Thank you Joey, it means the world to know that there are sisters out there I may never meet who care enough to pray and be positive on my behalf. When you're isolated as I am it's so easy to doubt myself. (Wondering if I'm being unreasonable etc.)
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ~Will Rogers |
|
|
|
Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Jul 08 2011 : 6:10:17 PM
|
Wow, so, a few hours ago I was going into my daughters' bathroom to fix a clog in their sink and found a ton of laundry they hid in the bathroom cabinet that was mildewing because of the clogged sink and water spilling. So, I drop a requisite yell to the responsible child, and am walking out of the room with the clogged pipe in my hand so I can wash it, and Mom says to my sister, right in front of me that "my kids are monsters running wild because I ignore them all the time."
I really have no idea where that came from, but I was floored considering I had sweat dripping down my face from cleaning the house nonstop since 9 am. I'm so mad I could spit nails, and hubby isn't happy with her either all things considered. (And, for the record, she not only didn't lift a finger to help with the cleaning, she hadn't even followed through on getting her own kids to do their own chores today.)
Her internet is now turned off.
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
http://silvermoonfarm.blogspot.com/
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ~Will Rogers |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jul 08 2011 : 6:30:10 PM
|
*sigh* I really hate people berating my parenting skills, when I work so hard at it. UHG. Don't get me wrong, a helpful hint here and there doesn't bother me, but berating especially when they are in no position to give this advice drives me nuts!
For instance my husband's 19 year old cousin thought she could keep complaining that we were letting DD1 drink too much apple juice, when she visited one day. 1) We rarely give her apple juice 99.9 percent of the time she drinks water. However, we were in the middle of a move and some one gave us a giant thing from like Costco/Sam's of juice boxes, and it seemed easier then washing dishes (with out a dish washer) when we were trying to pack 10 years of our collected things, and move half way across country, this was less then a week before we were moving! BTW, she was not drinking nearly enough to probably even stay hydrated, let alone too much! UHG.
Miss 19 y/o has no children, and was NOT helping in any way. Had she offered my DD1 a glass of water, and given it to her DD would of happily accepted. But, with DH and I putting all our energy into packing and moving, it was easier to let DD1 get her own juice box (she was too little-only 3 to climb up where the cups are kept to the sink to get water). UHG I was so tired of it by the end of the day between that cousin and several other things going on, I ended up just crying. And I'm not a crier! UHG!
Oh-oh she also yelled at DD1 about something she was doing or saying, and said don't you understand you are moving! And then I did have to yell at cousin in law and say, NO she doesn't understand! She is three years old! And has NEVER moved in her life, nor known any one who has moved. So NO she doesn't understand! I wanted to add IDIOT! Do you really expect a 3 year old to understand they are moving? When they have never experienced it before? Yes we had spoke about it and such, but 3 year olds can't understand things often until they have experienced it.
Any way, recently same cousin has posted she thinks it's best to have children between 14-24 years old......ok confirmed she is a idiot.
(and no one take this wrong, I have many family members who have raised children fine at young ages but any way) I commented on her status that I didn't think any one under 21 was any where near emotionally ready to have children. She said that women at 30 years old have mid life crisis and that is more emotionally damaging to children......um again IDIOT, I didn't have any mid life crisis at 30, nor do I know any one who has! And to think 30 is midlife, would be pretty sad to only live to 60? lol May I reiterate, idiot! lol
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
Edited by - MagnoliaWhisper on Jul 08 2011 6:35:29 PM |
|
|
|
Family Matters: Parenting your parent... |
|
|
|
Parenting your parent...
