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Across the Fence:  Sister wives  |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
 Posted - May 10 2011 : 3:38:48 PM
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Well put, Kathy! I agree that Cody is pretty immature, but he is a man that steps up and takes care of his wives AND his children. He is interested in what is going on with EVERYONE in his household. There a lot of men out there not giving their families their all and that is really something to be ashamed of. IMHO
hugs
jessie
"Wonder Woman hasn't got a cape, she just turned her apron around"
Farmgirl Sister #235 |
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2011 : 4:34:07 PM
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I agree too, he does seem kind of immature to me but he does support them when they need him. I would not mind sharing space like they do since they all have their own house parts but other than that I don't share my hubby. and it would be nice to have other women around. that part I like..
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett
Beverley with an extra E...
https://sites.google.com/site/bevsdoggies/
http://bevsdoggies.blogspot.com/ |
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nubidane
True Blue Farmgirl
2899 Posts
Lisa
Georgetown
OH
2899 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2011 : 5:39:50 PM
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I, personally, would like to say, being perfectly cliche "what's good for the goose is good for the gander"
If he is off with another "wife" for..whatever, then, maybe it's just me,...
AHEM
I might need an "oil change" now & then when the cat is away....
Just this mouse's point of view...... |
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nubidane
True Blue Farmgirl
2899 Posts
Lisa
Georgetown
OH
2899 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2011 : 6:04:56 PM
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| "Brother Husbands", anyone????? |
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2011 : 6:37:17 PM
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LOL oh my!!! hhehehehehe I know that back in the Bible times they had more than one wife cause if there were brothers and one died the other one would marry his SIL because back then women could not own anything or work, so she could not servive without being married or living with her parents. things are different now so there is no need for that, but brother husbands. that is just darn right funny. I would never be able to have that. One hubby is one to many sometimes for me!!! hehehehehehe
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett
Beverley with an extra E...
https://sites.google.com/site/bevsdoggies/
http://bevsdoggies.blogspot.com/ |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2011 : 7:07:51 PM
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I don't watch TV, but reading about this show reminds me of Yul Bryner in the King and I--maybe the guy on this show needs a woman like Anna to put him in his place!
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2011 : 7:41:29 PM
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| Kris, that's called polyandry (a woman in a relationship with two or more men). There are people living this way without apparent conflict. I think it takes extraordinarily mature, honest and nurturing people to thrive in such an environment, which has the potential to favor more aggressively needy people to the detriment of others in the relationship. |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2011 : 7:45:31 PM
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Of course, he isn't in all his wives' and children's homes every night. He splits his time between them -- a week with one, a week with the next one, and so on, with special allowances for times of unusual need, such as a new birth in the family and so on.
And just as in any male-centric marriage, as these plural marriages are by definition, the women wind up having few skills of value outside the home and are economically dependent on the man for their -- and their children's -- future well-being, if only in terms of medical insurance. I imagine it isn't so easy for most sister wives to "just leave."
Using the "edit" feature to add: We need to consider the social pressure a woman might feel in such a small religious community to represent the community as a successful, productive part of her plural marriage. Given that these women were brought up in the life, and don't know many people (if any at all) who aren't also in it, I'm guessing the idea of getting out is one they try to talk themselves out of if it occurred to them. The parallel with victims of domestic violence is striking. |
Edited by - Rosemary on May 10 2011 7:50:04 PM |
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Melina
True Blue Farmgirl
435 Posts
Melina
USA
435 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2011 : 8:09:52 PM
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I've seen this guy and his wives on Oprah. Personally, I found "Big Love" on HBO much more entertaining!
The morning breeze has secrets to tell you. Do not go back to sleep.
Rumi |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2011 : 9:46:18 PM
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Actually Rosemary they have a lot of friends in their community who are not in their religion, in fact the majority of people in their neighborhood and that they work with is not of their religion. Three of the four women have had jobs outside the home, so have "skills" to work outside the home. The one that hasn't worked outside the home, I would venture to say like any other house wife would have plenty to offer job-secretary, budget, cooking, etc. I have to say like one of the other women said on this topic I have learned a lot about their religion, doesn't mean I agree with it, or would want to be part of it. But, at least I am not completely ignorant of it any more, it also has dispelled I guess some of my stereotypes I had about such.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2011 : 9:49:28 PM
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Mara Actually they with the exception of his forth wife all live in one house with separate areas for each wife and her children so he is in the home with all the children and wives every night. He splits his time by night not week but he does sometimes take a wife on a special vacation. Three of the wives have or do work so they could leave as they do have work skills and from what I have heard they were/are skilled jobs. And they do have friends outside of their belief from work and elsewhere so they are aware of "normal" lifestyles and in fact the show included footage or them entertaining some of these friends. The second wife was not raised in a plural home but her mom is now married to Codys dad.
I was a victim of domestic violence and see no parallel at all, and would have rather been in a plural marriage then in a violent one. As I said before this plural marriage is not of the Warren Jeffs type, which I would say is abusive.
Kathy |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2011 : 9:51:34 PM
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Oh I also wanted to say I have seen the duggar children (the little ones) have disagreements and argue, etc. And the mom has helped them work it out.
I kind of doubt that the older children are arguing etc that much. I myself have 17 siblings. I am the oldest. When you grow up in a large family like that you don't have the immaturity of your friends who only have 1 or 2 siblings, you feel a obligation to help with your younger siblings, and to be a good role model. We really never did fight or argue much past say 10 or 12 years old. And our parents expected us to help out a lot more then the Duggars expect from their teens. I have to say my sisters and I, LIKE helping our parents with such. In fact, here I am in my 30's and moved back home. And am helping them with their youngest children! As they are also helping my husband and I to get a new start here in Kansas. (we have lived in NYC for that past 10 years, and just couldn't save money to buy a house while living there. So moved back here to live with them to save money to buy a home, and in the meantime help as much as we can.). My sister-the one right under me, is in law school and still comes home on weekends, and when she can to help with the family too. We like it!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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mywunderfullife
True Blue Farmgirl
113 Posts
Amanda
Douglas
WY
USA
113 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2011 : 05:32:18 AM
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I love watching this show. I don't necessarily agree with plural marriage but it is their choice and I am not here to judge them. At least he isn't marrying underage girls! These women have a choice and they decided this was the lifestyle for them. It is amazing to me to watch them interact and that they admit that they have times of jealousy. But they also know that it is something that they need to work through.
Interestingly, Mary's mom and Cody's mom were they ones that wanted plural marriages. Mary's mom told her husband that this was what she wanted. Neither husband was real thrilled with the idea, or from what was said on the show, but came on board. I guess I always "assumed" that the husband was the one that kinda decided and the wife could go along or not. Not sure if I am wording this right but I have just learned alot about the marriage. I feel really bad for them, being investigated. The children seem so well adjusted and happy. And now their whole life is turned upside down by the investigation.
AND, I am worried that after the last show they said only 3 episodes left!! Is that because of the "season finale" or "series finale"??? I hope that they are going to continue the show!! I really do like it.
Heather~ What a fun family to grow up in!! And it sounds like you are all very close! I love watching the Duggars and the way that their family works. I love the way Michelle handles disagreements with the children. It just seems like such a loving, caring family!!
"don't outsmart your common sense and never let your praying knees get lazy"
Farmgirl #2424!! |
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2011 : 05:42:35 AM
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the only thing I don't like about the duggars is that the older children have a younger one that they have responsibility for. I don't really think that it should be that way. If parents decide to have children it is their responsibility to take care of them. The one girl wanted to go away and they only way she could do so was to take her younger one with her. That IMHO is not right. but otherwise they seem like a happy family. That lifestyle is not for me either but they seem to do it well.
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett
Beverley with an extra E...
https://sites.google.com/site/bevsdoggies/
http://bevsdoggies.blogspot.com/ |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2011 : 10:02:09 AM
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Hmmm, I don't remember any of the children having to take any other children with them to go away. In fact, they've showed them going away on trips with out younger ones several times. The grandma, and new daughter in law has helped a lot in those times.
I don't think the older kids are totally responsible for the younger ones, it's more a helper to some of the younger kids. The mom still does the majority of their schooling (with exception of when the baby was in NICU all that time). I do remember that a older one once stayed home because of the baby having the medical problems she did and the mother hadn't went any where in about a year because of that. And that was a gift she volunteered to give her mother wasn't asked to do so.
However, I say they don't show them doing nearly as much as we do. They don't have them in any thing else like soccer, and public school etc. We were always responsible to get our younger ones to those things. Our parents though always took the majority of the responsibility, but still a lot was/is on us at the same time, because unlike the Duggars our parents can't stay home. My mom is a doctor, and dad is a RN. That being said, I think it is fun. I like it.
I would like to have a big family too. But, I married a man who was a only child he really never wanted more then 2 children........I went ahead and married him even though I wanted between 6 and 10 children. Cause that was his only real flaw. lol He was such a good man in every other way I let that one slide and I gave up my dream to have a "bunch" of kids. Any way.....we had our first child, and started coming back home to visit my parents a lot more so they could see the baby. And next thing you know my husband is saying I missed out on so much, by being a only child. Even though he was a only child, his father rarely "played" with him or spent much time with him. He was so impressed and still laughs when he sees my dad rasteling with the boys, or teasing and joking with the kids. Still impresses my husband now that we live here when he sees my dad out packing his truck to take one or two kids with him on a one on one camping/kayaking trip. And my father is much older then his dad. His mom and dad were teens when they had him. My dad is in his 50's had two hip replacements (due to genetic arthritis) and is still out there taking the kids on bike rides, and actively playing with them every day! I have to say though like the Duggars I think a lot of it has to do with my parents don't watch tv. So they have "more" time, dad never came home and sat down in front of the tv to "veg". Dad would come home and say who wants to go on a bike ride? Hey it's Friday any one want to go camping, hurry go get your stuff and we'll go for the weekend! You never knew when you got home from school what dad had planned up. Any way, I had no intentions of changing my husband's mind on how many kids he wanted. He seemed to be pretty solid on no more then two, and I was willing to give that dream of mine up for him. Since it seemed so small in comparison to having a kind, loving, good husband and father. It was only a few visits with my family when he said, I think I would like a big family. It's fun. He never knew that side of "family". And here we are about to have number five! haha
Oh and the other thing was my husband was very trepedacious about adopting children as well. I had told him I wanted to adopt at least 2. And he was always like we'll see. I just don't know, I would rather have my own. One of my adopted brothers is now his BEST friend! haha My mom is always like see if we hadn't adopted Caleb you wouldn't have your best friend! My husband now also talks about adopting some day. 10 of my 17 siblings are adopted. Mainly from Haiti. Funny that Caleb's name that he had in Haiti is the same as my husband's name. It was serendipity we say! haha (the kids have all had the choice of keeping their Haitian names, or choosing a new American name, about 50/50 for them so far, about 50 percent wanted to keep their Haitian names, and 50 percent wanted American names).
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
Edited by - MagnoliaWhisper on May 11 2011 10:06:48 AM |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2011 : 11:09:14 AM
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| Oh I see, Heather. I got a different impression from the parts of two shows in the series that I saw. Who was it said "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing" LOL |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2011 : 11:10:28 AM
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| Kathy, just as I said to Heather a moment ago, I had gotten a different impression from not having sat through the entire series, but just parts of two episodes. That does put a different slant on things. |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2011 : 1:09:59 PM
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Yeah, in fact the older kids have even went on trips out of the country. The older ones often go on mission trips to other countries. The dad goes on one a year with the older kids, and that's when the new daughter in law, and the grandma and some of the cousins come and help. Cause then it's just mom and ALL the little kids. However, the oldest often go on mission trips all by themselves with out parents. And have even had some of the other young adults that went on those mission trips come visit their home later on. The two oldest twins have done this most.
Then there is one daughter that they say prefers to stay at home. I would imagine where they live it may be a bit of a hoopla when they go out in public, so I can see why she may want to stay home. lol And for me, well I live in the country too and I have to say I like staying at home too. So much to do and see around home, the city just isn't for me. lol haha So I often volunteer to stay at home with the kids here too. Even though my parents don't ask or expect me too. I do go out once in a great while to a movie or what have you. But, more often then not, I just like to stay home. The few times I broke down and went to a movie cause it sounded good I've been sorely disappointed in the family values now put on at regular movies and wished I had just stayed home. lol. I like the kids movies though, G movies seem to be about my pace.
Oh there was the time the oldest son was courting his now wife. Back then he did always take a younger sibling/s with him. However, that wasn't because they were his "buddy" (that's what they call the younger one the older one is helper to) that was because they believe in not being alone completely with out chaperons before marriage. (which is of my faith's beliefs as ell). So in those episodes he would go from Arkansas to Florida and take some of his siblings almost every time. But, that was his choice. His parents said they didn't make that their rule, they passed on their principles to their children and they chose that for themselves. Like he didn't kiss his wife before the wedding day either, the mom and dad said that was their children's choice, not something that they made as a rule, that they in fact themselves had kissed before marriage. However, they really admired their children's choice to do so and thought it was a good idea and supported it.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
Edited by - MagnoliaWhisper on May 11 2011 1:14:58 PM |
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2011 : 2:38:49 PM
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Wow heather I thought my house was loud with five in our family. all of us have had kids and when all the cousins get together it can be quit loud. hehehehehehe but I would not have had it any other way either. I love when we all get together, now with all the great nieces and nephews and grand kids. it is so much fun!!!
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett
Beverley with an extra E...
https://sites.google.com/site/bevsdoggies/
http://bevsdoggies.blogspot.com/ |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2011 : 2:58:13 PM
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yeah I love it when we can all get together too! It's so much fun! haha Thankfully the house is big enough for every one, and when the weather cooperates the little kids really like to be outside, well so do we big ones! lol haha so that helps a lot!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2011 : 5:05:49 PM
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That is awesome about your family Heather! I have 7 children...5 adopted..and can't imagine life any other way. Only the four youngest are still at home now and are all teenagers.
I have watched both of these shows out of curiosity and CAN imagine having 19 kids. Cannot imagine having sister wives. And even worse would be more than one husband..haha.
Fun to see everyone's take on it though.
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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mndreamer
True Blue Farmgirl
191 Posts
Vicky
Popple Creek
MN
USA
191 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2011 : 5:41:11 PM
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Lisa... totally hilarious! Brother Husbands! I watched the first season. I have also watched the Duggars. I try not to pass judgement on these families as they have their reasons for what they have done and how they live their lives. These people are paid for this and as far as I am concerned the shows are just entertainment and we have the choice to watch or not to watch. I would hate to think of what they would call the show if they were to film my day to day life! 
~Vicky~
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. ~~Ronald Reagan
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2011 : 7:31:16 PM
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That's awesome Jenny!
And so true Vicky. ;o) BTW, even for a day I think if children were not disciplined in some way you would not be able to film kids being good, cause kids will be kids......you know what they say about kids and animals, unexpected! If they were at least not like they show the majority of time in real life there is nothing the parents could do to get them to act like that just during filming. lol
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
Edited by - MagnoliaWhisper on May 11 2011 7:32:37 PM |
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4forMe
True Blue Farmgirl
166 Posts
Dawn
Easton
MD
166 Posts |
Posted - May 13 2011 : 05:09:34 AM
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I watched the first few episodes and then lost interest. Cody seems like a child in a man's body and the women seem to truly love each other like sisters. The kids seem fine to me. To each his own.
Sewing, knitting, gardening mom of 5. |
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ChickieMama
True Blue Farmgirl
303 Posts
Angela
Banks
Oregon
USA
303 Posts |
Posted - May 15 2011 : 12:16:47 AM
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This is pretty much my feelings about it as well...quote:
Originally posted by melody
Reality TV? Real? I don't think so.
What is that household really like when the cameras are turned off? One man with a GIANT ego and sister wives desperately competing for his attention. And the big losers? The children.
Melody
Farmgirl Sister#2808
"Happy Hens make Happy Eggs"
http://lazyjoranch.blogspot.com
http://etsy.com/shop/lazyjoranch
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Across the Fence: Sister wives |
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Sister wives
