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Family Matters:  Your Top Ten....  |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 31 2011 : 1:52:42 PM
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What are the top 10 things you wish you could have learned to do before you got married? No, I am not getting married any time soon, I am just curious what you wished you had learned to do before you got married.
Hugs,
Hannah
Farmgirl sister #1219!
"Lifes not about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away."
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4759 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4759 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2011 : 3:37:00 PM
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I can't honestly think of 10 things, but I do regret never living alone before getting married. I was barely 21 when I married the first time and couldn't afford to live on my own first. I wish I would have done that and gone away to college before starting a married life.
Dawn in IL |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2011 : 4:36:47 PM
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1. How to kill or remove a spider.
2. How to remove a mouse from a trap and reset it without vomiting or it snapping my fingers.
3. How to do wiring.
4. Patience.
5. How to change brakes (I already knew how to change oil and a tire - a nod to my Dad for that!)
6. How to repair a radiator in an emergency.
7. How to re-light a furnace.
8. How to snake a drain.
9. How to laugh and not feel hurt when your husband gives you an ugly man's sweater for Christmas... or a vaccuum... or a coffee pot... (Yeah, those first couple of Christmases were special! LOL!) Three words: training, training, training.
10. To understand that a lot of men aren't very intuitive - you have to be open and honest... and again, very patient! ;) Three more words: lists, lists, lists...
There's more, of course, Hannah - but these are the ones that first come to mind. ;)
Hugs,
Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
Edited by - Ninibini on Mar 31 2011 4:37:45 PM |
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nubidane
True Blue Farmgirl
2916 Posts
Lisa
Georgetown
OH
2916 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2011 : 4:49:49 PM
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Nini
#9
Oh my goodness, some of the things I have received...Including an outdoor flag of the college I went to (Miami OH), which was so funny because outside of going to classes...I was never there..& did not even know the fight song(inspite of being a music major).. I know there are many more, but he has gotten better, & over the years I just look forward to his eager face when I open his gifts. That is worth everything. |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2011 : 5:18:34 PM
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LOL! You can't put a value on the importance of a good sense of humor, huh, Lisa!? ;) They love us, they mean well... The greatest gift they give is their love - nothing can ever compare to that! :)
Hannah - My hubby and I were just talking about this over dinner... We came up with some other important things, so I thought I'd share:
- Faith and trust in God. Once you've got that, you've got everything.
- Believe in yourself - you can do anything you set your mind to, with the help of God (my Grandma always told us that - she was so right!).
- the importance of a sound budget and sticking to it
- the importance of savings - even if it's only a little bit at a time, it's important to get into that habit
- how to negotiate an automobile purchase
- how to wisely purchase a home
- the importance of starting your retirement account as early as possible, and learning as much as possible about your investments
- the importance of choosing and using your words wisely
- learn to do things that others don't want to do or can't - you'll always be able to find work when you need it
- realize that nothing is ever really the end of the world, and that forgiveness of yourself AND others is not only beneficial, but essential, as is kindness, mercy and grace.
Thank you for starting this conversation, Hannah - we really had a great discussion about all of these things over dinner with our son. Lots of memories, lots of lessons learned yet to be shared. When I gave my husband my list, he just laughed and said, "Oh, so you would learn everything I do so you could eliminate me, eh?" I said, "NO! You're missing the point! It's because of these things I realize just how lost I'd be, God forbid, without you!" :)
Hugs -
Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
Edited by - Ninibini on Mar 31 2011 5:20:49 PM |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2011 : 6:12:16 PM
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Hmm..the 10 things I wished I had learned *before* I was married.
Let's see:
1. How to change a tire on my car. I thought I knew, then I got married, I was wrong.
2. How to cook for just two people. I had always cooked for my family at home, and there were 5 of us. 5 people eat a ton more than just two. I ended up throwing out a lot of food because I could only freeze so much.
3. How to not speak when my temper was flying. That first year of marriage, um...wow! I had to learn in a hurry that when someone doesn't grow up with you, so they haven't had a change to know your personality, quirks, and how you express your attitudes, it can open a huge ol' can of worms.
4. STAY AWAY FROM CREDIT CARDS! One of the hardest unnecessary strains on a marriage (at least I think so) is unnecessary debt. :(
5. To keep a journal. I kept a diary, but to keep a journal, real, bond book journal and keep it everyday. I find this is one of my best vents. My poor Hubby doesn't need to be dumped on with my every little problem, especially if I can handle it myself. :)
6. How to turn on and off a propane tank.
7. How to pump gas (I still don't know how. It's illegal in our state to pump our own gas)
8. How to clean my stove. It's scary in there, and I don't have a clue! No Joke!!
9. How to clip a baby's finger and toenails. (I had to have my pediatrician show me how to do that and boy was it embarassing to have to ask!)
10. That good enough is good enough and you can still be perfectly happy that way!!I had (and still sometimes digress) a mindset, that the perfect marriage included: the perfect car, the perfect house, a perfect wife, all with the perfect man.
*My car will never be perfect no matter how old it is, but it runs, and I am thankful.
*My house will never be perfectly clean-we live here. The furniture won't be perfect-I'd rather it fit me!
*I can never be the perfect wife, but with my best effort I can be a perfectly good wife.
*My husband will never be perfect. If I remember why I fell in love with him and try to to remember to see him through the eyes of God, there is no more perfect knight in shining armor for me!
Okay, so I went a little long, but those were my 10 :D
Great topic Hannah. Thank you for asking it!!
hugs
Jessie
"Wonder Woman hasn't got a cape, she just turned her apron around"
Farmgirl Sister #235 |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2011 : 9:30:21 PM
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Thank you all so much! This is truly wonderful and helpful!!! I'm actually glad you all went over 10! LOL! Please keep the posts coming!
Hugs,
Hannah
Farmgirl sister #1219!
"Lifes not about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away."
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batznthebelfry
True Blue Farmgirl
1257 Posts
Michele
Athol
Ma
USA
1257 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2011 : 02:32:36 AM
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I too, married right out of high school so never lived alone. Now I look back & think that would have been a big help with my 1st marriage.
2)learning to cook for 2 instead of 14....the leftovers never seemed to end. Just how much rice can you eat!!
3)i was good with money but my husband wasn't so I wished I had spoken up & taken over the bills
4)learned not too be so jeolous back then...my if a girl looked at my husband I was ready to fight.
5)learned to have kept my temper in check
6)Learned that the birth control I was on was not working & got pregnant too soon.
7)Learned to be a more patient mother...even though I helped raise brothers & sisters.
8)learned that me time was alright to have sometimes...without the guilt!
9)learned that I had other days to do things & that everything did not have to be done at once.
10)learned that a clean house was not a high priority
11)learned that tomorrow things can change & to be able to go with it.
12)learned that not everyone will agree with me & that its alright for me to be who I am...especially when it comes to the 'in-laws'.
13)learned to say 'I love you' more back then
Ok sorry if these are a bit deep but they are things I look back on now & think what a different life I could have had if I could have done these things. but thank goodness I learned & as a older woman I have a great life with a dirty house!...Michele'
Chickens rule!
The Old Batz Farm
Hen #2622 |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2011 : 04:19:06 AM
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Hannah, I so wish I could start all over with the things I know now. Why is it that I have learned so much now that I am older. It sure would have come in handy back then.
1: Find a good church and make good friends. Keep God first.
2: Save! Save! Save!!!!! Oh how I wish we had done that right at the beginning. You have got to have a savings to fall back on if something happens. I was pregnant with our 1st child and hubby got burned really bad starting a brush pile. He was out of work for a few months. We had nothing. But so many people helped us. Still would have been good to have that 3 months of savings for the bills.
3: Don't live so far away from your momma. Mine was 300 miles away. His was 85 miles away. His mother taught me so much. Mine came up here every month, but still. That's too far away.
4: My hubby worked swing shift back then. We had our worst fights when he was on 3rd. Oh, the things I should not have done but did.
5: Always have money in the bank! ALWAYS!!! Bounced checks make for a good fight.
6: Try not to be too hard on yourself.
7: Learn to cook NOW!
8: I so wish I had not gotten my tubes tied at just 22 years old. I wish I had let God decide how many children we had. I just had no idea. Because about 6 years later I wanted more kids. We had a way bigger house and then it was too late. We could have had the operation to reverse the tubal but we had no money and insurance wouldn't pay for that.
9: Teach your children the way they should go and it will stay with them. Proverbs 22:6. For my kids it took years for them to figure it out. But now, at ages 28 and 30, they have finally realized they cannot do it without God in their lives. They still struggle and fall. But they have God to pick them back up now.
10: And when your children are young, do not worry about how messy your house is. The kids grow up way to fast. And you will never really have a clean house anyway. As long as there aren't roaches and rats, it will be ok! Enjoy your hubby and your children while you can. Pretty soon you'll be 52. Really pretty soon.
And read that book I sent you! That will give you SO much good advice. And lots of scriptures to read about marriage. Strive to be that Proverbs 31 wife. Read that. Proverbs 31: 19-31. That right there will get you there. And already you are becoming that way with all you do.
Just have fun. Don't sweat the small stuff. Stick it out through the bads times. Because there will be bad times. Believe me. There will be sickness. There will be poorness. There will be strife. There will be so much that hits you right off the bat. But know who you are and know who you are marrying. Be strong. Don't give up for anything. And above all, know in your heart and soul that the guy you are thinking about marrying is THE RIGHT man that God has chosen for YOU! Because He has chosen a good man for you if you will just listen to God and follow His leading. You will know.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
Edited by - kristin sherrill on Apr 01 2011 04:22:29 AM |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2011 : 07:55:21 AM
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You know, I'm reading all of these posts and SO wishing we had all had each other before marriage, too. We all seem to have experienced so many similar things and have learned so many similar lessons - it would have been SO awesome to have known each other back then, and to help each other through as we learned. I just love you girls - love, love, love you! Hugs - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
Edited by - Ninibini on Apr 01 2011 07:55:45 AM |
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vmfein
True Blue Farmgirl
247 Posts
Valerie
Dale City
VA
USA
247 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2011 : 08:54:42 AM
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some of these are just words of advice and things that I have learned (not necessarily after marriage).
If you want to travel the world or volunteer for a long period of time for a charity or organization do it before you get married. Spend as much time with your family as possible, you never know how far away you maybe from them someday. Do not think you know what the other person is going to say and let them finishing talking first (however make sure they let you do the same). As someone who has friends that were in bad marriages in the past, one thing I have learned from them is always have your own opinions don't let someone else tell you what yours are, who you should have friends with as well as where you should go/do. Some of my friends husband (now exe's) were not their best friend when marrying, thus things they didn't know about the person came out later. Make sure your spouse is one of your best friends (I am happy to say mine is while we have been married almost 6 years we have known each other for almost 13). If you believe in God go to church even if the other doesn't. You may not agree with another person's opinion or be able to see their side of things (although sometimes later you can see their side), but you can always be civil.
Farmgirl Sister #2619 |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2011 : 10:25:59 AM
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I think the main things I wish I had learned were these:
1. How to 'Fight Fair'
2. How to budget and stick to it!
3. How to tell my Hubby 'NO' when he's lookin at me with those big eyes and somethin really expensive in his hand (3 motorcycles later! Wow!)
4. That the 6 month of bill money in your savings was barely enough to get by on in hard times
5. That memories are more important than a clean child in a perfect picture
6. How to work a breaker box, car jack, pipe wrench, ridin mower, and most importantly a staple gun (one staple through your hand and you'll be terrified for the rest of your life! Owwwwww!)
7. Self-sufficient livin is more than a few carrots and taters out back
8. That anger fades, but love is forever
9. That babies will come along at the most inopportune time no matter how carefully you plan
10. That children will get chocolate, jelly, puddin, strawberries, what have you on the back of your outfit just before you leave for somewhere important (wear a bathrobe till you walk out the door at all important events)
11. Children and husbands will embarass you on a daily basis, learn to laugh
12. Teachin a child how the world works is more important than a burned out light bulb from the flippin light switch or a late dinner so they can stir the sauce
13. That your husband and your best friend should be one person
14. That no matter how mad you get at each other it will pass and can be worked out.
15. Commitment is vital and must come from both sides
16. Love is a choice, not just a feelin, and sometimes it is a hard choose to make
And the most important thing...
That a marriage is a three person affair, husband, wife, and God. It's the only way true commitment can be in place for any relationship!
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2011 : 9:44:51 PM
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Thank you girls so much for posting! I have truly enjoyed reading your answers! :)
Kristin, I have read that book 3x already! LOL! It is so good! Thank you for getting it for me! It is awesome!
Hugs,
Hannah
Farmgirl sister #1219!
"Lifes not about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away."
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Heartbroken farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
604 Posts
Annette
rio vista
Ca
USA
604 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2011 : 08:26:02 AM
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1) wait!! I wish I'd know to wait. We were so young, and men in their very early 20's are so behind in maturity.
2)I wish myself and my DH had read the book "the Five Love Languages" before we married.
3) my mama is a server by nature, I'm not. I'm a naturer. I took my cues from her, and until recently, always felt like a completely taken advantage of house maid! I wish I'd learned how my marriage, and partnership dynamics would be. I wish it hadn't taken 7 years to learn how to live and love as a team!
4)I wish I had learned that not everyone is as patient as I happen to be.
5)I wish I had known men are great pretenders. When something is wrong, bothering them, or confusing them, they shove it down instead of talking to you, or anyone. You need to feel them out, and help them communicate.
6)I wish is learned that when you raise your voice, they close their ears! Is have saved a lot of breath with my first husband.LOL
7)we vacationed a lot as a kid, and my DH did not. I'm very cultured and traveled, my DH is not. My FIL is a work-aholic, so is my DH. Until December he'd never left California! My best memories are all during a family trip somewhere or other. It was a strong disagreement for us for 7 years!! You have to work until you retire, your kids are only kids until you turn around. I wish, truely, this was something we'd discussed before marriage.
8) I wish I KNEW, not just heard, but KNEW in my *knower* that love is a living growing thing. It can grow, be fed, and needs maintainence and investment; or it can shrivel up, starve, and slowly die when neglected or taken for granted.
9) I wish I had understood I was the ONLY one who knew I was always right!!;)
10) God needs always to be at the HEAD of our lives, relationship, home and even at the head of the table for supper. The closer we grow to God, the closer we become as a couple and family! All else pales in comparison to this morsel of information. Strive for this, all others fall simply into place!
(&hearts)
The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.
www.broken908.blogspot.com
http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/broken908
"The aim of education is the knowledge not of facts but of values."-Dean William Ralph Inge |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2011 : 11:30:33 AM
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Ten things?
Let's see...some of these things I wish I had learned before marrying, some of them I did know and just simply like to reiterate to younger gals!
Learn how to fix a car.
Learn about plumbing and wiring.
Travel, travel, travel (I did this, living in England, Michigan, NYC, Boston, etc...) but I always tell this to EVERY younger woman I meet who's thinking of marriage or one day thinking of marriage.
Find a job you love--because, perhaps, you might get stuck in one you don't when married and life happens and before you know it, 40 years have passed.
Pay yourself first. If you're working, pay yourself a percentage you can live with in a savings account and make that your own. When you marry, you can still have that account and it's yours to do with what you want.
Love yourself. You can't love anyone else until you love YOU. Sounds cliche, sounds easy, but it's often very difficult.
To extend the above ^^^, remember where you end and another person begins. It's VITALLY important to be your own person and to live YOUR life, and find happiness in yourself.
I think that's all I have :)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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CurlysQuilts
True Blue Farmgirl
569 Posts
Sarah
Northeast Kingdom
VT
USA
569 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2011 : 12:20:13 PM
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I wish I had:
1) learned to cook - and I mean where you like your own cooking better than eating out, you never know what your disposable income will be and if eating out will be normal or a real luxury
2) learned to bake bread - oh the loaves my poor hubby choked down our first few months of marriage!
3) learned how to clean a house - I agree with everyone that you don;t need to be a perfect cleaner especially with kids, but it does take some training to even know how to do this if you were never taught
4) Traveled
5) Saved money!
6) paid off my debts - do one better, don't get into debt at all!
7) understood how to relate to men (read some great books on the subject, like 'For Women Only')
hmmm....I'm sure there is more, lots more, but I'm blanking just now. They all take time to learn anyhow. :)
Curly's Quilts
www.curlysquilts.etsy.com
“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” - Micah 6:8
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2011 : 3:51:21 PM
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What wonderful replies and stories. I put myself through nursing school and had my own apartment for 2 years before I got married. I knew how to change the oil, brakes, tires and headlights on my car. I'd traveled a bit and loved my single life. Here's what i wish I knew...
1) That a wedding is easier to get out of (even if you are standing at the back of the church with everyone there)than a marriage is.
2) There are many, many prices to pay when you get divorced and money is the least of it.
3) That I am a strong person with God as my guide. I heard a wonderful phrase..Women are like teabags..you never know how strong they are until they get in hot water. Love that.
4) Try not to fall in love with a man you don't like. Be friends. Every relationship goes thru ups and downs and you'll really need to like him on the times you don't love him so much.
5) Have your own interests. Bring something to the table to talk about besides dinner.
6) That if there is something you really want to do that requires stamina, do it before you're 40.
7) That people will tell you about the mustach you get as you get older but nobody ever mentions the beard, which is much more trouble.
8) That there is nothing better on earth than a 3 yr old. They grow up WAY too quick.
9) That you have at least one girlfriend that you could call from jail at 3am for bail money. (never done it but am glad I have her).
10) I know everyone says God won't send you more than you can handle..well, for me that just hasn't been true. God sends me more than I can handle on a regular basis..BUT..God also always send me the people I need to handle it.
Warm hugs to all, Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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kiminca
Farmgirl in Training
21 Posts
Kim
Ontario
CA
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2011 : 11:09:26 AM
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All of these replies are so good. I would add just a few.
1) Learn to be happy alone.
2) I learned from my sacrificial husband serving ME how to look for ways to delight him, to serve him and to otherwise pay attention to ways I could make his life easier. Because I felt so loved I could love him better. I'm sure it works the other way around too. We've been happy.
3) Learn to be content with little. Learn to postpone purchases. Clutter can bog you down, mess up your house and get in the way of a good time.
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Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2011 : 10:22:52 PM
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number 1 in my book:
I wish I knew what foods would give my husband horrendous gas BEFORE he decided it would be brilliant fun to "dutch oven" the bed. And 2, I wish I knew that I really could, and SHOULD say what I was really thinking. My hubby really didn't comprende' sarcasm or "hints" like deep sighs. Its really better to just say what i think and look a little snarky or petty for 20 seconds and have a shot at actually changing the behavior that annoys me.
Married since 19-- now going on 9 years-- It's still working for us. Better than early on even. We're a good match, with a good strategy for partnership, and proof horoscopes are absolute bunk (I'm a gemini, he's a scorpio, and it's not "supposed to" work.)
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
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alterationsbyemily
True Blue Farmgirl
697 Posts
Emily
Chambersburg
PA
USA
697 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2011 : 4:25:30 PM
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1. Understanding a financial situations, credit cards, savings everything FOR BOTH OF YOU. I married 45K of school loans and credit card debt, understand it!
2. How to Preserve food
3. Using things that you have on hand to make the most out of what you need
4. Make do or do with out
5. The world doesn't come out of a sealed box from a large store
6. God gives you children when you can't afford them and you are not ready, because god wants you to be ready, and you learn to make due
7. Niether of you will be the same in five years, just remember to keep growing as your own person and as a couple
I can't think of anymore right now. I can recommend a free book, download the Kindle for PC from amazon and download "The Country Housewife..." By Richard Bradley its a great book about a girl wanting to be prepared to be a wife.
---
Farmgirl #2951
Currently renting-farmgirl wannabe |
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homsteddinmom
True Blue Farmgirl
441 Posts
Brandee
bullard
tx
USA
441 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2011 : 10:28:14 AM
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I really dont know of anything, I already knew how to cook, clean, preserve food, fix a car, change a tire, save money, no credit cards, we werent raised to vacation, my biggest thing was trying to get along with the outlaws. Its been 20 years and i still dont get aolng with them. But know i know i dont have to be anywhere around them, talk to them, see them or anything!
Homesteading Mom in East Texas. Raising chickens, Rabbits and goats here on my farm! |
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sunshine7
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
nikki
Northern
wyoming
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2011 : 4:33:15 PM
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I eloped very quickly with my soul mate we knew each other for 2 weeks and got hitched. Been married 6 years. What I wish I learned before my life long lovely committment are these:
1.That my way or the highway attitude will get you nowhere in marriage and in life.
2. To be not fearful.
3. To learn to set limits with other people.
4.To learn to travel and be able to learn to have freedom.
5.To learn that togetherness is the most important factor in any relationship, especially in marriage.
6. To learn to shut up and say sorry, and listen before I open my mouth one more time.
7. I wished I learned to appreciate my curviness and my flaws and beauty at the same time.
8. I wished I learned to sail a boat, ride a motorcyle, fly an airplane, but now I have young kids, my first concern is being there for them, not injured or worse.
9. I wished I learned to speak Italian and better yet, travel to Italy.
10. I wish I learned to do carpentry. |
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Family Matters: Your Top Ten.... |
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Your Top Ten....
