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Keeping in Touch:  Husband not "on board"?????  |
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ChickieMama
True Blue Farmgirl
303 Posts
Angela
Banks
Oregon
USA
303 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 26 2011 : 8:28:32 PM
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Hello sisters,
My husband is just not getting this whole farmgirl sisterhood, glamping, etc. thing. My heart is just breaking. I desperately want to have an old trailer and fix it up and even though we have the resources he thinks that it is a ridiculous idea. I even showed him some ideas in Mary Jane's Outpost book thinking that visuals might help and he just shook his head. My question is- do any of you girls out there have the same problem and if so, how do you deal with it? Thanks so much for listening.
Farmgirl Sister#2808
"Happy Hens make Happy Eggs" |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Mar 27 2011 : 03:47:04 AM
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Yes! My husband is the same way. Usually the way we resolve it is that I point out he has his hobbies and I have mine. To some degree we have to do the "If you spend $100 on your hobbies, I get to spend $100 on mine and we don't pass judgement on each other." This really seems to work for us because then we realize that if we want to make a large expenditure, then we should be prepared to support the other in their expenditure as well.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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Caron
True Blue Farmgirl
535 Posts
Caron
Orange
Texas
USA
535 Posts |
Posted - Mar 27 2011 : 05:55:29 AM
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My husband does not want to "play" either. When I mention a camper, or point one out that is for sale, he doesn't even respond. Otherwise when I talk about something Farmgirl he listens but doesn't seem to be THAT interested if you know what I mean.
But he's a good fella anyway, and he does like the idea of taking something and repurposing it or restoring so I'm taking that as something Farmgirl-ish we can do together.
Happy Farmgirl Sister #254
"An Apron:Its strings gently tug at us, tenderly, softly calling us to turn back to the old ways".-Above Rubies Magazine |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Mar 27 2011 : 07:17:32 AM
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I'd like to restore a camper someday, but right now it's just not in our plans at all. Right now we are restoring an old house. And my guy (we're not married yet) shakes his head in disbelief at me on a regular basis. At first he thought I was nuts for taking on this old house, but there's no mortgage on it. Yes paid for! Just the cost of utilities, taxes and remodeling. But anything farmgirl or crafty he's like "you a farmgirl? yeah sure." And repurposing- yeah that's fun with him. He just can't wrap his mind around it. He doesn't understand why I won't just buy new. I think it has a lot to do with the way he was raised. It took me forever to convince that it was okay in fact a good idea to buy clothes on the clearance rack. Ahhh men gotta love 'em.
Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/ Etsy~http://www.etsy.com/shop/theflourishingfinch
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Lady Woodworker
True Blue Farmgirl
259 Posts
Karen
Chamberlain
Maine
USA
259 Posts |
Posted - Mar 27 2011 : 09:16:03 AM
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Angela,
I have to wonder why he's reacting that way?
If you've done some restoration work before or are thinking of buying new -- I have to wonder if he's just jealous.
Does he go off to ballgames or fishing with his buddies?
Is it trailer restoration/ownership that bothers him or is it the idea of you going off and having a grand time without him?
Is it the Farmgirl Sisterhood that he doesn't like? (that's just bad juju...)
On the other hand, (and please don't take this the wrong way) -- might he be concerned that the work of the restoration or other upkeep might fall to him? If so, he may have a valid point.
Yet you are the one who is feeling hurt, so something is definitely wrong.
I hope you can talk this out and come to an understanding.
I hope you can have your trailer and go glamping--happily and without guilt.
Hugs!
Karen
Farmgirl Sister # 2419 |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - Mar 27 2011 : 09:42:58 AM
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My Hubby has to handle alot of the heavy work around here even for my projects. He is willin to do it because I help him with his projects and with the chores as much as I physically can.
I even had to take off, and put back on, his motorcycle fender when he wrecked and his arms were all raw and chewed up. He couldn't stand the fender diggin into his arm, so I wound up with 2 cuts on my arm from the removal proccess. He had to have it fixed for the childrens miracle ride the next weekend.
We pass chores back and forth in trade for help with something. We have even 'traded' bedroom favors for help with really big stuff. I earned an hours back massage for makin a leather cover for his dented fuel tank.
Try askin your Hubby why he doesn't like the idea. Maybe he's worried about the work. Offer to trade him chores for his help when you need it, but always pay up or he'll never trust the trade agian.
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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ChickieMama
True Blue Farmgirl
303 Posts
Angela
Banks
Oregon
USA
303 Posts |
Posted - Mar 27 2011 : 11:02:21 AM
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thank you all for the replies..it is definately comforting to know that there are others out there dealing with the same thing! For the most part, I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that we have a newer 25ft Komfort trailer. I do not enjoy pulling it because it is so long and I am the one who goes camping with it so he feels like I am "double dipping". I have stated that I would like to sell it..it is just the two of us now, we are empty nesters. I will keep praying about it and see what happens..again, thank you sisters!quote:
Originally posted by Lady Woodworker
Angela,
I have to wonder why he's reacting that way?
If you've done some restoration work before or are thinking of buying new -- I have to wonder if he's just jealous.
Does he go off to ballgames or fishing with his buddies?
Is it trailer restoration/ownership that bothers him or is it the idea of you going off and having a grand time without him?
Is it the Farmgirl Sisterhood that he doesn't like? (that's just bad juju...)
On the other hand, (and please don't take this the wrong way) -- might he be concerned that the work of the restoration or other upkeep might fall to him? If so, he may have a valid point.
Yet you are the one who is feeling hurt, so something is definitely wrong.
I hope you can talk this out and come to an understanding.
I hope you can have your trailer and go glamping--happily and without guilt.
Hugs!
Karen
Farmgirl Sister # 2419
Farmgirl Sister#2808
"Happy Hens make Happy Eggs" |
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ChickieMama
True Blue Farmgirl
303 Posts
Angela
Banks
Oregon
USA
303 Posts |
Posted - Mar 27 2011 : 11:05:01 AM
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This made me smile ;Dquote:
Originally posted by natesgirl
My Hubby has to handle alot of the heavy work around here even for my projects. He is willin to do it because I help him with his projects and with the chores as much as I physically can.
I even had to take off, and put back on, his motorcycle fender when he wrecked and his arms were all raw and chewed up. He couldn't stand the fender diggin into his arm, so I wound up with 2 cuts on my arm from the removal proccess. He had to have it fixed for the childrens miracle ride the next weekend.
We pass chores back and forth in trade for help with something. We have even 'traded' bedroom favors for help with really big stuff. I earned an hours back massage for makin a leather cover for his dented fuel tank.
Try askin your Hubby why he doesn't like the idea. Maybe he's worried about the work. Offer to trade him chores for his help when you need it, but always pay up or he'll never trust the trade agian.
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important?
Farmgirl Sister#2808
"Happy Hens make Happy Eggs" |
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ShilohsHaven2011
Farmgirl at Heart
8 Posts
Rachel
Crossville
TN
USA
8 Posts |
Posted - Mar 28 2011 : 11:07:43 AM
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The area my hisband diesn't want to get on board with is my recycling. He broke down and got us a horse, and we waited a year for the chickens to be his idea. Usually what I have to do with DH is this, I make a suggestion and talk about something a couple of times and then sit back and wait for him to "think of it on his own".  |
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Lady Woodworker
True Blue Farmgirl
259 Posts
Karen
Chamberlain
Maine
USA
259 Posts |
Posted - Mar 28 2011 : 3:26:21 PM
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Rachel, you made me laugh,
Hey, at least you got your chickens!
Karen
Farmgirl Sister # 2419 |
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BalancingAct
True Blue Farmgirl
297 Posts
Jackie
Hoosierville
USA
297 Posts |
Posted - Mar 28 2011 : 7:12:36 PM
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That is funny Rachel. Your DH sounds pretty old-fashioned. Way back when, women had to "hint" or just talk nonchalantly about a subject and then sit back to wait for their DH to come up with a "grand idea". I had no idea it was still around.
Oh! That's too funny! [;D]
Farmgirl Sister #2851 -"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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ChickieMama
True Blue Farmgirl
303 Posts
Angela
Banks
Oregon
USA
303 Posts |
Posted - Mar 28 2011 : 9:55:11 PM
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Great advice!quote:
Originally posted by ShilohsHaven2011
The area my hisband diesn't want to get on board with is my recycling. He broke down and got us a horse, and we waited a year for the chickens to be his idea. Usually what I have to do with DH is this, I make a suggestion and talk about something a couple of times and then sit back and wait for him to "think of it on his own".
Farmgirl Sister#2808
"Happy Hens make Happy Eggs"
http://lazyjoranch.blogspot.com
http://etsy.com/shop/lazyjoranch
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batznthebelfry
True Blue Farmgirl
1257 Posts
Michele
Athol
Ma
USA
1257 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2011 : 1:18:18 PM
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I had to laugh over all these funny stories..cause I don't have this problem...now with my 1st husband I did the wifey thing & asked him & if he said no I dealt with it.....or gave in....Sadly he died after us being only married 4 1/2 yrs but I waited 13 yrs to remarry & when I did I married a man 91/2 yrs younger than me...reason I feel in love with him was he let me do what I wanted...lol...Now if I want chickens ect I just bring them home...he knows that I will be the one taking care of them so he doesn't worry about being saddled with the chores...he will help out if I ask, am sick or gone....Yes as you can see I am the head strong type & I never accept no if its something I really want to do...but then again to be fair he is allowed to do his thing also...he brought home a parachutes so he could start jumping outside of the army! It scared me to death the 1st time I watched him jump so now he does it on his own with his buddies. I grew up on a farm, he didn't, hes a scientist, I am a artist/farmgirl. as long as he has his TV & computer I am free to have any animal I want...years ago I got a small traveling trailer from the 1950's & boy do I wish I hadn't of sold it when we moved here....be the best chicken coop! I love the bartering, letting them think its their idea comments......with me if I let him think it was his idea it would never happen...his brain is on more important science stuff...lol....Michele'
Chickens rule!
The Old Batz Farm
Hen #2622 |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2011 : 09:00:04 AM
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You ladies make me smile! I am glad I am not the only one who has a husband who drags his feet. Sometimes I have to just say "I am doing this because it makes me happy" and sometimes I have to hint and let him suggest it. Most of the time as long as I am not asking him to do the work he is fine with it.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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ChickieMama
True Blue Farmgirl
303 Posts
Angela
Banks
Oregon
USA
303 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2011 : 3:20:12 PM
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I am going to remember to say that Alee- " I am doing this because it makes me happy"!!! Thanks! I did go and buy some pink cowgirl sheets to put on the Komfort trailer bed to make me feel a little better and I did go ahead and join Sisters on the Fly for a leap of faith ;D
Farmgirl Sister#2808
"Happy Hens make Happy Eggs"
http://lazyjoranch.blogspot.com
http://etsy.com/shop/lazyjoranch
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Auntie L
Farmgirl at Heart
1 Posts
Laura
Auburn
WA
USA
1 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 12:47:16 PM
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I just read through this post. It's interesting how hobbies and interests affect a marriage relationship. I saved asking about getting chickens for when we went away for our anniversary, because it seems like we are often busy and our conversations get interrupted at home. I wanted to have enough time to say what I wanted to say and give him time for an honest, thoughful reponse. For my dear husband, it came down to the fact that chickens cost about the same as a good composter, but you get eggs too! :) There have been a few other things like that I want to do, and have tried to wait for the right moment to bring it up. He is so kind though, he pretty much lets me do whatever I want to do. He doesn't even expect me to clean the chicken coop! He says, "No, that's not a job for the lady of the house, plus it bothers your allergies." This is true, but I still figured that since it was my idea, it should be my responsibility. It is great having so much support, (but then, I support him too.) :)
I'm a Mama/Stepmama to 4 young adults, I homeschool, I am a preschool Directess, and the Children's Ministry Director at our church, and I love my husband to BITS! |
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ChickieMama
True Blue Farmgirl
303 Posts
Angela
Banks
Oregon
USA
303 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 9:30:23 PM
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Sounds like you do have a wonderful husband! How many years have you been married??quote:
Originally posted by Auntie L
I just read through this post. It's interesting how hobbies and interests affect a marriage relationship. I saved asking about getting chickens for when we went away for our anniversary, because it seems like we are often busy and our conversations get interrupted at home. I wanted to have enough time to say what I wanted to say and give him time for an honest, thoughful reponse. For my dear husband, it came down to the fact that chickens cost about the same as a good composter, but you get eggs too! :) There have been a few other things like that I want to do, and have tried to wait for the right moment to bring it up. He is so kind though, he pretty much lets me do whatever I want to do. He doesn't even expect me to clean the chicken coop! He says, "No, that's not a job for the lady of the house, plus it bothers your allergies." This is true, but I still figured that since it was my idea, it should be my responsibility. It is great having so much support, (but then, I support him too.) :)
I'm a Mama/Stepmama to 4 young adults, I homeschool, I am a preschool Directess, and the Children's Ministry Director at our church, and I love my husband to BITS!
Farmgirl Sister#2808
"Happy Hens make Happy Eggs"
http://lazyjoranch.blogspot.com
http://etsy.com/shop/lazyjoranch
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2569 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2569 Posts |
Posted - Nov 13 2011 : 03:37:51 AM
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my hubby thought i was crazy the first time i told him i was going to cook in the fireplace...now he prefers the meals cooked that way because they taste so much better. when i talk about getting a camper down the road he gets that look, but my hubby knows how strong willed i am and that i'll do it no matter what he says, lol. luckily he likes most of the same things that i do, so it's really a non-issue.
connie
http://www.naturemaiden.com/ - Soap & Candle
http://modern-day-laura.blogspot.com/ -My Personal Blog
http://www.prairiefarmherbs.com/ -Herb Plants for the Home Garden
http://www.thriftyfarmgirl.com/ -My Online Thrift Shop
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Edited by - naturemaiden on Nov 13 2011 03:38:40 AM |
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Christy925
True Blue Farmgirl
476 Posts
Christy
Midland
Michigan
USA
476 Posts |
Posted - Nov 13 2011 : 5:59:16 PM
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I just asked my husband about this...the bartering to make hobby spending even...he laughed and said bulls***. LOL He wouldn't object to my having a trailer or meeting the rest of the girls. He would be concerned about my pulling the trailer and arriving safely. And of course he'd miss me fiercely. In my first marriage...my husband never said anything about what I did, where I went or who I was with. Kind of a lonely 32 years. I'm glad my husband wants me around...I'm glad he's concerned for my safety.
Farmgirl Sister #2315
http://smallfreckleddog.blogspot.com/
http://www.etsy.com/shop/WildThymeCreations?ref=pr_shop
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cowgirlandboys
True Blue Farmgirl
308 Posts
Rachael
Missouri
USA
308 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2011 : 3:43:47 PM
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Where in the world do you get pink cowgirl sheets? LOL THAT is something I need to know!
Happy Trails!
Rachael
Farmgirl Sister #535 |
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Heather B
True Blue Farmgirl
562 Posts
Heather
Longmont
Colorado
USA
562 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 07:48:23 AM
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Amgela,
Even if your 25footer isnt your first choice in "glampers" you could still do a little customizing. I understand about the too long part but until he changes his mind at least you can still fulfill some of your glamper dreams!
Heather
http://homesteadincity.blogspot.com/
http://littlehouseonthebumper.blogspot.com/ (My "glamper" page)
"Only your real friends tell you when your face is dirty"
Farm Girl Sister #662 |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 08:53:39 AM
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I am down to doing this on my own right now, because my sweetums dosen't think that I CAN run a handkerchief sized farm on my own and he doesn't want to end up doing all of the farm work. We started out with a plan to build a small sustainable farm on small acreage, but in the last 10 years my eyesight has seriously gone down hill, as well as my health, and now its arthritis. Andrew is protective of me and that is causing a bit of a problem as I really want to retrain my body to do as much and more as I can. Another thing that has soured his opinion is living on a farm with a friend of his and his wife, we have differences in how a farm should be run and he is, due to these differences, just burnt out on the whole farm thing.
So I'm starting out small. Fencing in our big yard, building a fabulous chicken coop, buying chicks and eventually when I have my own piece of property, a mini jersey some turkeys and some roasting chickens...I just have to do things slowly to prove to him that I'm capable still
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
http://thegimpyfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
http://pinterest.com/annikaloveshats/
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
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Heather B
True Blue Farmgirl
562 Posts
Heather
Longmont
Colorado
USA
562 Posts |
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Missus Miranda
True Blue Farmgirl
285 Posts
Miranda
Thrall
TX
USA
285 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 11:07:39 AM
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I'm not married yet, either, but MOST of the time, Josh is on board with what I want. We both want at least a little land (he grew up in Lubbock, and spent a little time when he was very young in Oregon) and we like older houses. He's not a cat person, but allowed me to adopt a cat. He doesn't pick on me for wearing an apron... silly boy thinks it's "sexy" (Dear Lord, I hate that word!) and he LOVES that I bake and cook. We're getting into repurposing more and more and he's fine with it.
The only thing that happened recently was when I mentioned wanting Chickens he shut it down immediately with a big loud "NO" and reminded me that he was ok with goats, but no chickens. He didn't say why.. jus the big fat NO. I guess I should talk to him about it, since it hurt me so much.
I must say, I do love the barter thing. We do that a lot. If I fix a big supper, he cleans the dishes. I help him fix his car and he changes my oil.
I guess it's give and take whether you've been together a year or 40. Communication is key, which is what my Momma keeps trying to teach me. I am lucky, he does support me most of the time. It's just a matter of money, at this point LOL!
"I'm not trying to be mean or cantankerous. I just wish people would do the right thing, and use a little common sense." ~ Farmgirl 3535
Pflugerville, TX
http://www.tawnycow.blogspot.com/ |
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Bensgrandma
True Blue Farmgirl
227 Posts
Alexis
White Oak
PA
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2011 : 6:56:30 PM
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When I read these posts they made me smile. When we bought this house, I was a tomboy "burg" kind of girl. I could ride a minibike and do a lot of boy things but farming was not on my agenda. A house with a well and oil heat. I learned to prime a well, we bought chickens, goats and a horse one by one. He said he married a city girl and turned her into a farmgirl. We've had a lot of fun (and fights) doing things.
He tells me he hates it when I say "I've been thinking...." because that means work for him. On the other hand whenever he wants to try a new project or hobby I am right on board with it.
I would do it all again (well maybe not purchasing 100 peeps the first time out).
http://www.etsy.com/shop/HugsandStitches
http://www.etsy.com/shop/ACharmingExperience |
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Wildcrafter
True Blue Farmgirl
340 Posts
Suzanne
Seattle
WA
USA
340 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2011 : 06:49:21 AM
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When I first met my husband, I told him that I was going to have chickens and a homestead again and if he wasn't up for it, don't even date me. His reply was that he would build me things, but not to expect him to take care of any of the animals. Fast forward 5 years. He loves the chickens as much as I do, I saw him nuzzling on a rabbit the other day. He rototills me new gardens when I ask him to and last month built the chickens a sturdy new coop. He told me the other day that he isn't doing this for the animals, but because he loves me. Like Laura, he pretty much lets me do whatever I want. I clean the coop and the rabbit hutch because I like doing it. My students help me in the gardens. It all works out.
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Keeping in Touch: Husband not "on board"????? |
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Husband not "on board"?????
