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Across the Fence:  Re- Inventing Oneself?  |
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MsSadie
True Blue Farmgirl
80 Posts
SD
Texas
USA
80 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 29 2011 : 2:30:02 PM
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When I was a young single woman growing up, I always had dreams of living a very simple, yet creative life--much like the lives of my grandparents. So I got married, had a son, was a stay at home mom until he went to school..then I became a volunteer. I enjoyed gardening, cooking, baking, sewing, needlework..and things outdoors and basically lived the dream. Then one day my husband left me for another woman and I suddenly was left to take care of myself and my son, so I went back to work and college.
My ex never paid any support to me or our son and rather than go on any kind of welfare..I worked hard and had no time for my creative side. I became part of the corporate world. UGH...but on the bright side..we made it.
About six years later, I remarried an older man who became ill for a very long time and I was once again..the main breadwinner of he and myself (son grew up and was on his own) My husband's mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and I was her caregiver as well. (She was a gem and I adored her.) I continued on as main breadwinner and caregiver until both my husband and my mother in law died died of their illnesses the same year in 2006. Thats hard to get over.
So somewhere along the way..I experienced a lot...some good..a lot of bad and basically the dream of my ideal life never came true. As life became more "normal" again...I began to feel like life had passed me by...that simple, creative..lifelong marriage and family thing..well..never really happened.
Then a few years ago I met a wonderful man who sees all my many imperfections as perfect..we fell in love and we have been married two years. We had the same dream! He's pretty perfect! And I sometimes have to pinch myself to realize how blessed I am to find him.
Up until recently I felt that it was too late for the dream to come true..as I turned 60 last year. And in all this happiness, I look back and remember the dream and know (now) I really can do it..even if I have to continue working a few more years so I can claim my retirement. But I'm not waiting until then to begin.
So here I am a "senior citizen" who really feels like a kid..and I find you all as mentors and role models for re-inventing myself to become what I always knew I was and lost along the way. I read the posts here and wish I could move you all next door to me.
So thanks for the daily inspirations to keep on with the dream.
I'm also wondering..how many of you are living the dream you always wanted to live..or did you have to re-invent yourselves at any time..and what challenges did you overcome to live your dream?
http://www.pbase.com/sadie04 |
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pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2011 : 3:42:35 PM
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what a neat post, I think as I get older that I more and more gravitate back to things I dreamt of and wished to do when I was younger. Some will have to remain a dream due to money or physical limitations but some I can once again go for.
I was going to marry a farmer and raise my babies on a farm. That didn't happen, I fell in love with a city boy and moved 100 miles from my family when he was transferred. We have 4 great kids, have had ups and downs, but lately I have a felt a pull to move back to the country and slow down and simplify a bit, like my soul is saying come back , you need this. |
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MsSadie
True Blue Farmgirl
80 Posts
SD
Texas
USA
80 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2011 : 5:22:35 PM
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Thank you. It feels really nice. And I understand what you mean about the "you need this" part. Its like the "hole" needs to be filled with good country soil. I'd love to have a farm plus the country feels so safe in a crazy world.
http://www.pbase.com/sadie04 |
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Annie S
True Blue Farmgirl
756 Posts
Annie
Custer
S.D.
USA
756 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2011 : 5:24:50 PM
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| Ms.Sadie, you are so wonderful. You have been through a great deal in your life, but have come through it all. I too was like you. Got married too young to a doctor and thought life was going to be great. We had two kids together. But after seven years I got tired of being second best to his golf game, which even was more to him than working. I had worked in his office off and on, but then had to get a real job to support me and the kids. I did get child support when he felt like sending it - he would not send it out of spite. Then I got the corrage to take the kids and move to Minneapolis to work. What a scary time for us. But we managed - somehow. I was on my own for 15 years before I met the most wonderful and kindest man in the world. We dated three years before we decided to get married. My kids (grown by then) loved him more than their own father and still do. We have had many fantastic adventures so far (married 16 years now) and we still can't believe our luck in finding one another. We're total opposites in some things, but we enjoy so much more together - our love of the out doors (that's why we moved to the Black Hills after he got early retirement), travelling (full-timed it for three years before we settled down here), nature, our dogs, camping and so much more. Between us now we have five kids and almost 14 grandkids. I never thought I'd find another man to love and almost gave up trying. He was so worth the wait. He also had a bad marriage (wife cheated on him), so he was gunshy too. He was on his own for 12 years. I guess the time we had before we met was a test for both of us. I look back on that time and wonder now just how did I do it. But I also discovered myself over those years and found the real person I was and could be. I became stronger and stood up for myself. I worked two jobs to take care of my kids and they grew up to be stronger people too because of what we did together to survive. I'm 65 and I feel so much younger now than I did then in the "old days". And I have the love of my life now to share the rest of our lives together. We live a slower life now and enjoy the little things. The old saying the "God only gives you what he thinks you can handle" or something to that affect is so true. We are much stronger women because of the trials and tribulations we been through and can take on the world now no matter what it throws our way. Can't remember who sang this, but there was a song that said "I am women, hear me roar". Spot on! |
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MsSadie
True Blue Farmgirl
80 Posts
SD
Texas
USA
80 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2011 : 5:38:20 PM
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Yay..Annie. I love your story. So many times our lives get off track..but even when they do..we usually gain so much wisdom and strength. And isn't it grand when we find the one person you just know God made for you. Awesome!
Bless you!
http://www.pbase.com/sadie04 |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2011 : 5:42:44 PM
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I think as women, we have to re-invent ourselves more often than not. We always seem to be able to wear many capes...super mom, super caregiver, super wife, super employee, and super friend. Then one day we find that we need to nuture our inner self and our dreams. So wonderful that Annie and Ms Sadie have done that and found a wonderful partner to share it with. I don't think it is ever too late. I am turning 50 this year and feel like it is "my" time now. I don't have as much energy as I did when I was wearing all those capes, but I have learned to slow down and simplify things. I have learned to really know what is important in life. It is not things or titles, but the little everyday moments. I am so glad that I can actually notice and savor them now. Thanks for sharing your stories, very inspiring.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World!
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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Penny Wise
True Blue Farmgirl
1903 Posts
Margo
Elyria
OH
USA
1903 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2011 : 5:55:19 PM
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i am in process of re=inventing self- again! -and not sure who i am !
Farmgirl # 2139
~*~ counting my pennies and biding my time; my dreams are adding up!~*~ |
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CurlysQuilts
True Blue Farmgirl
569 Posts
Sarah
Northeast Kingdom
VT
USA
569 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2011 : 8:33:07 PM
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I realize I still have a ways to go in life, but I already feel like I re-invented myself. I grew up with a single working mom in the city who barely showed me how to cook (mostly we just ate out) and I was a very career oriented person. The only gardening I ever tried was a cactus houseplant that I effectively killed in three weeks. I went to college, got a job and was on track for a career in drafting (a very male dominated realm). And then one day I sat back and realized that this was not the direction I wanted to go. I didn't know where I wanted to go, but I knew that was not it. So I moved halfway across the nation to work in full time ministry. That was only a year, but in that time, I learned to cook, to grocery shop, to garden (without killing anything!) and I realized that this was the life I wanted. I never knew I was a 'farmgirl' till then. Now I am a SAHM with two kids, a raised bed garden, and a quilting business...and I have to laugh. There is no resemblance to my previous life at all, and yet I am so happy and satisfied. I read ya'lls stories, and I part of me is scared to think that this life I'm in might be taken away unexpectedly, but the other part of me says soak it up!
Curly's Quilts
www.curlysquilts.etsy.com
“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” - Micah 6:8
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pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2011 : 06:55:11 AM
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| I feel that way too, that this is my time now, I gave 20 some years to being mom and wife and kinda neglected myself in the process. Not that I am sorry for staying home and raising my kids, don't get me wrong, but they are slowly edging out into the world, getting their educations, and I am free to re invent myself and my relationship with my husband too. I used to be afraid of what would we be like after the kids left. We're gonna be fine, we get to do thing alone once more. I feel less tolerant of busyness,traffic, people and would really love to move out a bit. have some space, connect with the earth again, have garden space and animals if I want and slow down and enjoy |
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Bellepepper
True Blue Farmgirl
1207 Posts
Belle
Coffeyville
KS
USA
1207 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2011 : 08:37:24 AM
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Ladies, what beautiful stories. I feel like I have been to the movies.
Belle |
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melody
True Blue Farmgirl
3319 Posts
Melody
The Great North Woods in the Land of Hiawatha
USA
3319 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2011 : 09:32:50 AM
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Oh....Very nice post MsSadie!
I used to think I was the only one who re-invented herself-Everyone around me seemed to have settled in and rolled with the punches, but not me. I have been re-inventing and re-discovering myself just like clock-work at every 7-years or so. But that's the wonder of it-Discovering new and "old" things, becoming your own unique self. In a very few short years my last two will be out of the house and on their own and it will be like the beginning for DH and me-Embarking on a new adventure!
Melody
Farmgirl #525
www.lemonverbenasoap.etsy.com
www.bythebayhandcraftedsoap.blogspot.com |
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MsSadie
True Blue Farmgirl
80 Posts
SD
Texas
USA
80 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2011 : 09:41:33 AM
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Beautiful stories indeed. Thank you all for sharing. It seems like women reinvent themselves all their lives long..some good some not so good..but we are strength, nurturer's, providers, mothers, wives, lovers, and daughters. Many faceted. And I love reading each story.
http://www.pbase.com/sadie04 |
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Annie S
True Blue Farmgirl
756 Posts
Annie
Custer
S.D.
USA
756 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2011 : 1:04:13 PM
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| Margo, it will take time to re-invent yourself and find out who you truly are. All women go through life wearing so many hats at one time as they grow and it could take just one thing to have you really look inside yourself and say "this is not what I'm suppose to be or do for the rest of my life". Then you go on a journey of a lifetime. You will learn and meet people who will influence and teach you. We all have a story of growth/re-invention in our lives. And this is such a wonderful thread for each of us to share our stories with each other, learn from one another and teach to others. Our arms and hearts are open to all who are currently going through issues and need a place to go to for comfort and release. We older farmgirls can share our wisdom to all who need it. I think it's a part of womanhood - to become several women in her lifetime, constantly re-inventing yourself to suit the situation of ones life at the time and then move on. And for the others who are now going through the experience of empty nesters, you will find that you and your DH will actually become closer - sharing more between you. It will be like you're back to dating, making special times to share and enjoy. Life in a journey and we should enjoy it. Hugs to all of you ladies. |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2011 : 5:59:11 PM
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Welp, I'm reinventing myself all the time now. I am many women yet just one, the times vary but it happens.
I realized the other day that I have about 20 years left. This came to me when I was thinking of sort of giving up and just be a *something*. Then a little spark kicked off in my soul/mind and it won't let me be. I have to keep on the move for some reason. That little spark keeps burning in me.
Truly, I'm glad that others are feeling the same way. I shoulda known I couldn't have been the onliest one!! At times, it feels like that and then the spark... 
For some 'venting'-type of entertainment, please read my blog, http://lostadventuresintrucking.blogspot.com . Now with pictures!!
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Across the Fence: Re- Inventing Oneself? |
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Re- Inventing Oneself?
