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Across the Fence:  Mean people  |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 17 2006 : 5:55:34 PM
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Well, I kind of agree with you, about me having a heart, but every time someone treats me like this it makes me doubt myself. Makes me wonder if there isn't something really wrong with me, otherwise people wouldn't treat me like this......you know what I mean? But thank you Michele.......I do appreciate your kind words.
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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KJD
True Blue Farmgirl
402 Posts
402 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2006 : 3:56:34 PM
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| Something my pastor has taught for years: Occupation with Christ - meaning focus on Him, and keep your eyes off self, people, things - not easy, but a daily motivation, for sure... and really, the key to true happiness. I don't know if you are a believer, but when people or circumstances are tough, I try to remember what He went through when He was here - and it was His humanity that suffered - He went through much worse, to show us that it is possible! |
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blueroses
True Blue Farmgirl
1323 Posts
Debbie
in the Pandhandle of
Idaho
USA
1323 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2006 : 4:10:57 PM
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Georgette,
In 1997, I took a new job with a position that had been created for me. I had the experience to work this new position and it would complement what the other employees were currently doing at the time. Well - I've never been treated so badly by women & men as I was there at first. They hated me from the git go. I just had to tough it out, but it was so awful and lonely. They made fun of me and my clothes and said I was having an affair with my supervisor - you name it. I just had to tough it out, cuz I was getting paid an awful lot (down in Westchester County NY). I would go home and cry. I'd eat lunch in my car. Eventually they all came around but I kind of never got close to any of them because I couldn't believe how they treated me. Humans can be pretty awful to each other.
And you had this problem start after you'd been there for awhile? I know it's so hard to give up good money, but you need to get rid of the stress that this is causing you.It's just not healthy. We spend so much of our time at work it should be at least partly pleasant. I would at least start looking around. Maybe don't resign until you have another job lined up.
I'm thinking of you and sending some farmgirl hugs your way.
Debbie
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2006 : 07:47:09 AM
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Geez Debbie, that sounds horrible!! How long did you end up having to tough it out? Yes, this problem started after I had been here about 4 years anyway. They just loved me in the beginning. I actually think it might be a case of if anyone is happy, then they just hate them. And the pack mentality..........and like someone in here said, they picked me as the runt of the litter. I had been in a really bad relationship for 15 years after I left my husband and just recently met a very wonderful man who moved in with me in February. In the bad relationship, the man never lived with me, he lived (basicly) out of his vehicle.....it is way to long a story to go into here.......at any rate, now that my sweetie has moved in with me, I have so many adjustments to go through. I haven't lived with anyone in a very very long time, I have crap going on at work.......we are trying to redo the kitchen (and it is a very old farmhouse, which means nothing lines up right!!) The gardening is getting away from us. I have virginia creeper and grapevines about ready to take over house and yard, two dogs who need attention and some run time...........aaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkk!! Seems like everythng is overwhelming me at the moment!!
I do so appreciate the farmgirl hugs...........I sure do need them!!
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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blueroses
True Blue Farmgirl
1323 Posts
Debbie
in the Pandhandle of
Idaho
USA
1323 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2006 : 11:37:12 AM
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Georgette,
Fortunately I only had to put up with it for about 5 or 6 months, but I'm a nice person and it really hurt me, so I can sympathize with you. I would never intentionally be hurtful or mean to someone and can't understand why others do so. You've had your ups and downs it sounds like and you deserve to be happy now. As far as the house goes, you can only do one thing at a time. I tend to get all worked up about all the work I have to catch up with in the house (I work full time too-boo!). So you just have to come home and sit down on the steps and hug and pet those dogs and see what needs doin the most. Too bad I can't come meet you this summer. But I'm gonna be way down in Peekskill and then up in Poughkeepsie for a day. It's hard to live with someone after being alone a long time. I know. Do you have tv? Ever notice how they immediately take possession of the channel changer? What is up with that? Just kidding, but it is true. Just be true to yourself and relax. It will all fall into place.
Debbie
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2006 : 12:13:43 PM
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The last week of July and the first two weeks of August I will be in Seattle. When were you going to be in my neck of the woods?
(and I hear you about the remote control!! 
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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santa_gertrudis_gal
True Blue Farmgirl
198 Posts
Kim
Groesbeck
Texas
USA
198 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2006 : 12:48:48 PM
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Georgette,
My story is similar. I wanted to change jobs, go back to my roots, Agriculture. I decided since I had to work, that working for the Texas Department of Criminal Justice (Texas Prison System) would be ideal with the amount of time I could have off. I had a friend tell me there would be no way they would put a woman supervisor on a prison farm in agriculture. I've always hated someone telling me "no" because of my sex. Well three years later I finally got that job. I was a Ag Supervisor I - Livestock at the Ramsey Farm. I was the very first female supervisor on a prison farm in the state of Texas. That was 1994. I can only term what I went through as unmitagated hell. I was harassed, shunned, gossiped about, investigated, you name it it happened. I kept looking forward and focused on Jesus' teachings. Then I broke, I'd had all I could take, an did what I had tryed for three years to ignore. I wrote up an equal, filed an EEOC complaint for harrassment. It didn't stop there, I went after a warden for harrassment, a Security Sargeant for breaking the confidenality of an investigation on me and a Security Major for spreading rumors. The final straw was once again going after the same individual that started my rampage, by refusing to work with a person that was now on record for harassment. I became everyone's worse nightmare at work. When the tiger came out, I was dealing with nausea at work, insomenia and a weakened immune system from the stress. Yet I loved my job. Once everyone left me alone, they were then able to see who I really was, a person who loved her work, and was really a helper to anyone who asked. In the process I ruined any chance for advancement within the Agriculture division. I didn' care at that point. I was the first and I laid the groundwork for the women who followed me. For the prison units in what we call the southern units, I became the one who was called when a woman experienced problems like I did. I taught them how to use the system to get the wolves off their backs so to speak.
You know, when I wrote up that individual for harassment I had my warden come to me and ask me about what he should do with him. I looked at him and told him, I thought what your asking is against the rules. He said, yes, but this was so obivious an act of harassment. I looked at my warden and said, I don't want him in trouble, I only want the harassment I've receiving to stop. I also said this individual has a wife and his first child on the way and he needs to provide a roof and food for his family as I do mine. My warden was shocked. When my warden left I smiled, no one ever doesn't give compassion to someone who has done wrong.
This is what I would do in your situation. For each of the girls who work with you, order them a bouqet of flowers to be delivered to work. Each one different. After four years you know something about their likes and dislikes. Such as favorite colors, flowers. On each of the note cards I would write: I love you as Jesus loves me. Talk about stopping them dead in their tracks and making them think. The other is to choose a small gift according to their personalities. Same thing on the note card. Give them to each one during lunch in front of the other. It would be impolite to not accept as a group. As for me I would keep doing it until they just got too tired to say a nasty word, or action. If that doesn't work with the one, I would get really blunt with her. I'd probablly tell her that I wouldn't want to be a fly on the wall when she had to admit to her God about the cold treatment she had been giving me. I'd also tell her that it is alot easier for you to be compassionate and love me then to hate me. I say you spend far more energy trying to make me feel miserable, and it's not succeeding.
My whole thought on reading this thread is not the pack mentality. It's pure and simple female competition. They are simply jealous of you. Women are notoriously competitive in all areas of our lives. More so then men. I watch the girls who work for us. They are always trying to out do the other to receive more favoritism from my husband. Even my husband has finally recognized that fact, and has finally curbed that competition. Your boss is clueless and won't understand. I wish you the best.
Remember, hold your head high, know that kindness far outweighs cruelity.
Love,
Kim
Heaven is a day at the ranch with my Santa Gertrudis! |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2006 : 1:22:45 PM
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You are an amazing woman Kim. Thank you for your words. The people who have given me encouragement here make me feel so blessed.
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2006 : 1:44:34 PM
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I'm reading a book called Odd Girl Out. It's about how pre-teen and teenage girls interact with each & why they can be so cruel to each other in sneaky, underhanded ways. According to the book it's because we have always been taught to be "nice girls" and nice girls aren't supposed to confront people with their anger. We're taught that we're supposed to get along with everyone, be nurturers, etc. So in order to be a "nice girl" you confront so that other's don't actually know that you're doing it. That way your reputation remains intact. As I'm reading this book I'm thinking that it's not just teen girls -- grown women do the same thing. I started reading this book to understand the relationships that my daughter is having in middle school. There are definite lessons in there for me too!
Kim -- excellent post. The work situations that have been shared make me cringe. Brings back not so pleasant memories of offices I have worked in.
Visit my blog at http://rusticcottage.blogspot.com/
Lotion bars, linen water & more in my online shop! http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
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Edited by - therusticcottage on Jun 20 2006 1:49:13 PM |
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blueroses
True Blue Farmgirl
1323 Posts
Debbie
in the Pandhandle of
Idaho
USA
1323 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2006 : 3:45:52 PM
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Georgette,
I'm going to be visiting down in Westchester County right around Aug 25 to the 29th and then over to Rhode Island to visit my dh's family. My daughter lives in Seattle, but I'm about 6 hours away in Idaho, just a short distance from Spokane. Shoot!
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
Edited by - blueroses on Jun 20 2006 3:52:00 PM |
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akcowgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
296 Posts
Valerie
Homer
Alaska
USA
296 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2006 : 10:29:30 PM
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I am sorry for the very rough time you are having at work. I worked in an office as the office manager for about six months once and i was qualified to do the job but the office that i was in had certian tasks that needed to be done that i was never taught to do it was just assumed that i would teach my self to do them. I had one day of training before the one manager left and no training at all after that. Needless to say if you don't know that something needs to be done then you can't do it. This combined with the fact the my boss did not want the person before me to quite and took it out on me spelled the end of that job. When my position was eliminated (how do you eliminate the office manager?) i took about two months off and did not work at all (never done that before) then i went back to a job that did not pay near what the other had but was one that i had loved in the past. i worked at that for a while till i found the job i have now which i love and i work with great people. i guess what i am trying to say is if you are truelly not happy in your job and it is spilling over into the rest of your life then you maybe right to step back from it for a while. Good Luck in what you deside to do and i am sorry you are going through this.
Valerie
Yes, I live in my own little world. But that's ok they know me here.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2006 : 03:43:52 AM
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Firstly .... Kay, I like the thoughts of the book you are reading. There have been days when I thought the women in my office were acting just like children in the playground. Actually the only really out-and-out mean thing they do is whisper. Other than that they are polite to my face, say good morning and have a good night, but after I had been "one of them" (so to speak) it feels like being shunned. And where I was once included in "parties" and "gettogethers", now I am NOT. And the other secretary ONLY says good morning and good night and other than that it is ONLY work related words she says to me. And don't get me wrong everyone, I am farrrr from perfect, but I know I do not deserve this.
Debbie, I do not know what my sweetie's two children that we will be visiting have planned for us (there are a couple of hikes and sightseeing tours) but they will be working as well, so we may have some time on our hands and at one point had actually thought about visiting Idaho while out there.........but you know how plans can change. Perhaps I should get your phone number in case we do go to Idaho while out there, that way we could stop in and say a farmgirl howdy!!!
Valerie.....I've been thinking that as soon as my sweetie and I figure out our finances (he is retired and we have to figure out if we could survive on just his retirement for a while) I would put in my two weeks notice next Monday (didn't want to do it before the staff meeting that is today, didn't want anything being said or done) but my thoughts keep going to the fact that I wouldn't (me personally) have any money of my own coming in and that is freaking me out a bit. What I would absolutely love to do is to either work in a bookstore/gift shop or work with a herbal gardner......but opportunities up in northern New York are few and far between!! to say the least!!! So I pretty much HAVE to work as a secretary as that is where all my experience is........I do not want to be a staff photographer any more. I love photography but don't want to have to do portraits or weddings.......wow, did a few weddings and talk about stress!!!!
Anyway, again, you all are a bunch of absolutely amazing women and I feel so lucky and blessed to "know" you all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Georgette
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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blueroses
True Blue Farmgirl
1323 Posts
Debbie
in the Pandhandle of
Idaho
USA
1323 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2006 : 09:13:05 AM
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Georgette,
Sent you an email. Have you been to Seattle before? It's a lot of fun. Lots of crazy traffic, but fun place to visit.
Debbie
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2006 : 12:03:29 PM
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Yes, Debbie, I got your email and no have never been to Seattle before so it will be a new experience for me. Although at the moment am in a very terrible mood so am not particularly looking forward to it.......but plane tickets are bought so I have no choice.....
I sent you a reply email. Georgette
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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celebrate2727
True Blue Farmgirl
989 Posts
Beth
MJF
Farmgirl
989 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2006 : 1:13:24 PM
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Georgette-
I completely feel your pain. My job is like that as well. Except for the fact that my boss and co-worker are mother and daughter so I have very little chance of it ever changing. Most days I feel like a door mat to them. So why stay? My husband says if you hate it quit. However I need to bring in money every month to keep us afloat. I have been here a year and a half, gotten no raise, lost my bonuses and have been written up for missing 4 days this year because my son was sick. whatever.
I am a farmgirl. I have the love and support of so many here. I don't have alot of "girl" friends at home as I am so busy with 4 kids, a hubby that has some good days and some bad (mental issues wish he'd go back on his meds) and my job plus opening my own store. I just decided to put it in Gods hands. It was God that brought me to this place of Mary Jane and the farmgirls, it is God who found me a farm of my own and helped me get the financing to buy it( and let me tell you that was no easy task) then finding the friends here, and the store of my own with the help of sweeties like Susan and Frannie and Isabelle and Ellen and so many more.
What ever you decide to do , YOU ARE A FARMGIRL.
I missed my nephews birthday party on Dec 10th 1999. I never called to say we weren't coming. My sister in law still resents me for it. Who has time for all that hate? I know I don't. I have forgiven her anger over the years. I only want to hang on to the joy in my life and let go of the anger and stress. And just so you know the reason I didn't call her was that on Dec 9 1999 my dad died.
People can just be mean. I find it hard to change them. Instead I take the time to make others smile if I can like the greeter at Walmart who stands there all day saying hello and not getting a response. Telling people how much things mean to you like when the neighbor offered their riding mower when ours broke. They are the ones you bring cookies to.
So i go on too long. Just know you have friends here and you can always come have tea on our porch!
blessings
beth
Dreaming of Friday Night Lights
http://bethsblissnblossomfarm.blogspot.com
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Edited by - celebrate2727 on Jun 22 2006 1:31:26 PM |
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santa_gertrudis_gal
True Blue Farmgirl
198 Posts
Kim
Groesbeck
Texas
USA
198 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2006 : 1:36:07 PM
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Beth and everyone else,
quote:
....have been written up for missing 4 days this year because my son was sick.
This is against the law, unless you didn't follow company policy on informing your boss. It falls under the Family Medical Leave Act. I would make sure you know what it takes through EEOC to have this removed from your work record and how long it will take you to get this done. If you choose to do this now, they will find some other way to get rid of you if your in a right to work state like Texas is.
The best boss I ever had once called me into the office about my children being sick so much. My children were little. When he told me I'd have to make a choice. I smiled at him an told him, "Richard these are my children, the choice will be an easy one for me. I choose them. You don't have children so you don't understand why that is such an easy choice, so I want you to understand by thinking about someone in your family you do love and would be there to care for, or your mother caring for you when you were sick. Then you need to go ask your wife what it's like dealing with parents of the very sick children she cares for in the hospital.' Richard's wife was working in the Houston med center doing her residency in pediatrics. This was six months before the Family Medical Leave Act was signed. I think he was truly shocked by my response. He was silent and after about a minute I asked if there was anything else, he responded "no." I never heard another word.
Kim
Heaven is a day at the ranch with my Santa Gertrudis! |
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celebrate2727
True Blue Farmgirl
989 Posts
Beth
MJF
Farmgirl
989 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2006 : 1:57:44 PM
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Kim- I will check this out. I yold them plain and simple if my kids are sick I stay home. I was actually suspended for a day for this.
blessings
beth
Dreaming of Friday Night Lights
http://bethsblissnblossomfarm.blogspot.com
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Whimsy_girl
True Blue Farmgirl
576 Posts
USA
576 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2006 : 2:11:15 PM
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Wow, Beth that's nuts! They get mad because you missed a day, so they suspend you for another day? seems that they have kind of a backwards look at productivity!
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive. |
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sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2006 : 2:49:08 PM
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you know this is not ment to sound weird but every one has a horror story of work does retelling them and dwelling on them make them go away or make them worse. This just seems like a negative line of thinking. Since we only have one side I am sure both sides feel wronged in all these stories as that is how it usually is also if a person lets their emotions get the better of them htey are doing it to themselves the other person has no control over that. Either make a stand and be done with it or go on and forget it( either by ignoring it at work or quiting or making it better by becoming friends). Either way it should end all bad feelings do is to hurt you more. This entire thing is just not an uplifting conversation to me. One of my friends in the last two weeks whoes brother commited suicide and she stayed home with he family one day from work and was fired because of that. You know she is not sitting in a corner going woo is me is went straight out and started looking for a new job to take care of her 8 year old quadroplejic son and she is only 24 and a single mom. Now if any one has a right to complain it is here and you know what she doesn't ( she is my hero). She just looked at it as well if that is how work there is I don't want to be there. People take responsibility for your feels and actions. The world is not cruel it is how you view the world be possitive and see what good can come from this don't mope around and make yourself ill and things worse. (P.S. If any one doesn't like what I wrote I don't take offence easily please speak your mind as it was my choice to write this and yours to be offended or not) I am not offended by the talk here it just doesn't seem to productive
have a lovely day |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2006 : 4:05:28 PM
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The productivity is in the telling to sympathetic ears, ones who can feel and understand your angst and tell you you have friends....instead of keeping things bottled up inside and letting them fester until you feel like you will explode. To everyone who has their own horror stories.......I send you a hug and my thanks for also listening to me. It has helped me to vent here with you all that can understand. Plus I never said I was perfect.........and I do beat myself up here at home thinking of all the people who are so much worse off than myself and I sit here whining and complaining when I have my health, my children are healthy and I DO have a job.
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2006 : 8:08:58 PM
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that is a very good reason then because bottled up feelings are very bad for the body. I too have horror stories just didn't mention them. I do hope things will get better soon so as not to make yourself sick with worry and stress
have a lovely day |
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asnedecor
True Blue Farmgirl
1054 Posts
Anne
Portland
Or
USA
1054 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2006 : 8:29:46 PM
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I have been reading this thread on and off for the past week. You would think that when we become adults we can put the petty, nasty behavior behind us and get along. I am lucky because I work in an office that is large enough that the cliques don't really develop and it is mostly made up of men. Working with mostly women, which I have done in the past, is a hard thing to do. But I feel for you Georgette and anyone else that experiences this type of behavior from fellow office workers, class mates etc. I went through many years of this type of behavior when I was in school, from about the 5th grade to about the 9th grade and a bit of it in High School. Coming from a small town with only two grade schools, one middle school, junior high and high school - you spend your time with all of the same kids. I started with one girl as my best friend in grade school and then she turned. Why I will never know, but she tortured me every chance she had. I finally got a thick enough skin to stand up to her (after about 5 years) and I proved I was better. Not by telling her off but by succeeding in school (national honor society), developing good friendships with others and dating some very nice boys and graduating a whole year early. It was the best pay back I could have had. I never looked back. The best way (I have found) to deal with these types of people is to be successful, not in just the job, but in developing relationships with others, etc. Move forward. Maybe the office it too small to move up, but a good pay back would be to find a better job to go to and leave with your head high. It is hard, but in the long run you win - they don't.
Anne in Portland, OR
"Second star to the right, straight on till morning" Peter Pan
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2006 : 03:28:09 AM
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This thread has become so lengthy because we all have some similar things we are either going through or have gone through in the past and we can all related. It does continually amaze me that supposedly adult people can be so darned petty. But that is human nature I suppose. And sunshine.........I am not much of a pray-er.....but I will say one for your 24 year old single mother who got fired because of her staying home with her sick child. Life can be so unfair sometimes.
Georgette
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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Jerri
Farmgirl at Heart
2 Posts
Jerri
2 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2006 : 10:00:44 AM
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| I am new to maryjanesfarm and this happened to be one of the first few forums I checked out. I am so sorry to hear what is happening to you at work. It is hard to believe that grown women can act this way, but somehow I am sure with all the support you get from here you can and will rise above it. Not sure if you have heard of Stephen Covey author of 7 habits of highly effetive people, but one great thing I learned from the book is to avoid negative people. It sounds harsh but if you have tried to make peace on your end this might be a next step. Nice to meet all of you. Jerri from Jonestown, Texas |
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LJRphoto
True Blue Farmgirl
760 Posts
Laura
Hickory Corners
MI
USA
760 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2006 : 10:03:32 AM
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Welcome to the forum, Jerri. And that's good advice for all of us!
"I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority." -E. B. White
http://www.betweenthecities.com/blog/ljr/
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Across the Fence: Mean people |
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Mean people
