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Across the Fence:  Mean people  |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 08:49:14 AM
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I have to vent, I know you all here on this site are good kind people, so I just know you all will understand. I work in an office with 4 other women and our boss is the only male. The women treat me like I am an imbecile. And the one other secretary totally un-includes me, discludes me in anything that is going on. Her son just got married and invited everyone but me..........we have two extension offices and the secretaries from the other two offices got invited, but not me. I just can't believe people can be so darned callous!! It really hurts.
Thanks everyone for listening.
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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The Farmers Daughter
Farmgirl in Training
46 Posts
Sherry
LeRoy
Kansas
USA
46 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 09:16:17 AM
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Hon, I'll tell you how to handle that one....Buy the son and his wife a little gift, hand it to "Miss No Manners" and say, "I hope they'll both be very happy". Smile and walk off! Sher
Sher, The Farmer's Daughter |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 09:21:35 AM
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Well, I actually kind of know the girl he married, cuz she works in the bank where I do my banking. And SHE showed me pictures of the wedding. I've been dealing with this kind of treatment for some time here in this office and it is really beginning to make me sick. I get sick just thinking about coming to work.
Thank you Sher.
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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LJRphoto
True Blue Farmgirl
760 Posts
Laura
Hickory Corners
MI
USA
760 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 09:58:35 AM
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That is really rude and seems like intentional unkindness. I have worked in places where I felt like an outsider and I know it can be really uncomfortable. And actually, I have a situation like that in my own family where I'm not invited to family events. I finally just realized that I don't want to be around people like that anyway and I feel blessed each time I find out that there was an event that I didn't have to spend my time traveling to or my money on a gift for someone who doesn't like me anyway. Hmmm... maybe that makes me a mean person?
"I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority." -E. B. White
http://www.betweenthecities.com/blog/ljr/
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 10:00:38 AM
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I know you are trying to make me feel better Laura, but it doesn't take the sting away, unfortunately.....
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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LJRphoto
True Blue Farmgirl
760 Posts
Laura
Hickory Corners
MI
USA
760 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 10:16:43 AM
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I'm sorry, Georgette. I know it's hard to show up everyday to an environment like that.
"I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority." -E. B. White
http://www.betweenthecities.com/blog/ljr/
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Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 10:36:46 AM
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Georgette,
Obviously, you are the only Farmgirl in your office. Don't let their bad manners bring you down to their level. I do like the idea of a little, tasteful present being offered; I'd suggest you give it directly to the bride at your bank, especially if she showed you her pictures. Hold your head high and walk proud, knowing that you have lots of friends on this forum. Those are your co-workers, not your friends or family. Remember that saying, It is hard to soar when you work with a bunch of turkeys!"
Jo |
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Destiny~
True Blue Farmgirl
195 Posts
Dar
west
TX
USA
195 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 10:39:21 AM
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I liked Sher's suggestion.
Just remember they're the one's that are missing out on what you have to offer and they don't have a clue as to what they're missing.
"Let us, together, sow seeds for a better harvest-a harvest for hope."
Jane Goodall, Harvest for Hope |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 10:55:49 AM
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Well..............there really is more to the story than just what I told you all, but it is way to involved to get into. Needless to say that if (notice I said IF) I had done anything really wrong, I tried to make it better by calling her and saying I thought we should get together to talk things out. We did and I explained my behaviour and appologized and nothing changed, if anything it got worse, if that's possible. And she is a "farmgirl" she owns a horse. I guess she just simply cannot forgive me for what she perceived I had done wrong. And I know that I MISTAKENLY thought of her as a friend, and with friends like that you sure as heck don't need any enemies.....but still, it is so horribly uncomfortable to have to come into this environment every single day.
whine, whine, complain, complain................ thank you all for listening.
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 10:57:11 AM
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hmm, why not bring a batch of cookies to work and try to break the ice? and then when they taste the cookies ask them if they'd like the recipe..sometimes you have to step out on the limb and really go out of your way first..it is so much harder to make friends at this age than it was when we were younger..seems it takes alot more effort...but also I would take a small something to the bride as suggested..but more than that..try to lighten the mood around the office..offer little cards or tiny handmades and suprise a person at random by setting it on their desk..just something to show that you do care and want the atmospheres to be better.invite coworkers to lunch with you..things like that...and most importantly..always wear a smile..no matter what.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~ |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 11:00:08 AM
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Georgette -- the same thing happened to me at my last job. One of the guys was getting married to the purchasing manager's daughter. Everyone got invited except me. And they spend two weeks before and days after talking about it. Very uncomfortable. When Justin came back to work I gave him a wedding gift and gave him best wishes. Did it in the lunch room when everyone was in there -- you could have heard a pin drop!!!
Visit my blog at http://rusticcottage.blogspot.com/
Lotion bars, linen water & more in my online shop! http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 11:05:56 AM
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Wow, Kay, good one!! Wish I coulda been there to see it!! And Tina..........it won't work........I've tried and I am really sick of getting kicked around. I might not kick back, but I'll be darned if I'll invite someone to kick at ME!! I'm afraid I don't have much hootzbah or whatever. I just skulk away with my tail between my legs when being treated like this. I keep very quiet while at work (I am anyway a very quiet person) keep to myself, don't talk about anything to do with my life, nobody is interested anyway!! No, I'll find another job someday and just leave..........I can't imagine that they'd even give me a going away party. Guest of honor wouldn't attend, that's for sure.
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 11:20:13 AM
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Georgette- The hardest place to be is in an office of all women. There is some sort of pack mentality that goes on, and I think you have been deemed the runt of the litter. I'm sure the reason is that they see qualities in you that prick at their egos. So, don't let them bother you- take the high road. I agree with Sher- be gracious, and pleasant and send a gift if you want or a card. And just be content with yourself that you are in a better place than they are.
Here's a big hug!!
Karin |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 11:29:36 AM
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Thanks for the hug Karin (really need one right now, I'm allowing them to bring me down)..........I am going to go buy a "little" something.....was thinking of looking for an egg cup and maybe sharing one of those cute little egg cosies.......... Would you mind if I shared? Or, shoot, really it should be two, huh? and I'll bring it to her at the bank. She is such a nice girl...........
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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LJRphoto
True Blue Farmgirl
760 Posts
Laura
Hickory Corners
MI
USA
760 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 12:26:43 PM
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Karin, you are so right about working in an office full of women. I think that pack mentality happens out of a sense of powerlessness. I once got really mad at a boss I had for pointing it out, but he wasn't wrong. It's that whole girl tribe thing carrying on into adulthood.
Georgette, if the people you work with are really working this hard at making you miserable (it's obviously not just about who got invited to a wedding) you might want to find a way to talk to your boss about it. I'm not sure what I would do about it if I were in his shoes but he may have some good human resources skills he could use to help make things more comfortable for you. Personally if I were in charge of an office I wouldn't want that kind of tension for any of my workers. It doesn't create a productive environment and not to be sexist but, being a man, he may not have a clue as to what's going on.
"I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority." -E. B. White
http://www.betweenthecities.com/blog/ljr/
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 12:42:45 PM
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Well, I have talked to the boss. I don't think he is a very good manager.......(and he used to be a rep in our office and now is the manager, so needless to say, they really don't care for him either!!) and I hate to make things worse than what they are.....feel like a small child running to mommy and daddy and they'd (they meaning the reps and the other secretary) hate me even more.......so why would I do that? I really see no solution other than to get another job. But I make so much money here........but is money really worth giving up my peace of mind and my sanity over? But oh God it is so hard to leave. Once upon a time, they were very,very kind to me.............. I really don't think I did a totally unforgiveable thing. And actually when the new boss took over, alot of crap was going through the office and it really did begin then. And whoever said they picked me as the runt of the little, you got that right. But is that fair? Yeah, yeah, I know, life isn't meant to be fair.
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 12:48:00 PM
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Wow, I was babbling wasn't I? Well, my sweetie is coming to town to take me to dinner. I plan on having a marguerita or two............... 
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 3:56:52 PM
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I feel for ya Georgette!! I used to work with alot of women ALOT..when I waitressed and there was always someone that the mean girls ganged up on and I was always smoothing things over for them all. I didn't ever seem to have anyone pick on me but I hated to see someone else get picked on. It never seemed to be for a particular reason either. It is just mean. I wish I could do something to help. I have to say it is nicer not working with a pack of women anymore. If only all groups could just be nice to each other!!
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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KarenP
True Blue Farmgirl
666 Posts
Karen
Chippewa Falls
Wisconsin
USA
666 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 4:25:57 PM
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Georgette,
Know how you feel, but I'm a problem at work, because I DO WORK when I'm there, I don't call my family and friends or spend time surfing the 'net or e-mailing jokes or stand around at peoples desk just chatting.
Thusly I'm kind of a social outcast there, the guys respect me, but alot of the women have issues with me.
I stay out of the gossip and really out of everyones lives, it's okay.
I have been taught since I was little to give it your all at the job at hand (Dad's advice) I take it literally.
Because of some of the others work ethic, I don't get invited to social functions. I probably wouldn't have gone anyway, I don't socialize in those circles anyway.
Sorry to ramble...
KarenP
"Purest Spring Water in the World" |
Edited by - KarenP on Jun 15 2006 4:27:07 PM |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 5:13:18 PM
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Georgette- Please feel free to share cosies and I will knit some more and send them to you.
Oh, and about your boss- The fish stinks from the head down. He needs to get his act together!!
karin |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2006 : 03:05:57 AM
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Karin you are a sweetie. (I'll share some more of my buttons) It would be an unusual gift and I know Laurie would appreciate it, she is such a nice girl, always chats with me when I go in the bank. And when she showed me the photos, I had driven up to the drive up window and sent them through the window!!
The office seems to have gotten really "un-busy" I'm always looking for work to do. Seems like there just isn't enough work for two secretaries any more. We have a staff meeting next Wednesday in Lake Placid to plan for our fall leadership conference and I seriously think that after that, I will go into the boss's office and give him my resignation. My two weeks notice. I have money in my savings account to pull my own weight in the relationship for a while, it will give me some time to find another job. But the thing is, the pay is going to be cut more than in half. Am also seriously considering just working part time, seems like I never have time for me anymore. I'm tired all the time.
Geez, I know so many more people have things so much worse in their lives and I sit and complain about something like this. For those of you going through tuffer times, please accept my appologies. You all are angels. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Georgette
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2006 : 08:17:47 AM
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I have been in the same type of situation, in more than one office and at more than one "stage" of my life. I know you would be much happier if you could figure out somewhere else to work, or even work from home. I know I am so much happier and feel so much closer to God and my family since I have been able to leave that useless stress behind. It is not you, so do not let your heart ache so much - it is just the world, and people allowing themselves to get too wrapped up in worldly things. Step back, and see them from a distance and pray that God can use you to help them be the best people they can be.
Peace |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2006 : 12:10:45 PM
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jpbluesky, your words have given me a sense of peace and for that I thank you very much.
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2006 : 1:47:51 PM
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Just what I hoped for! Remember, you are a strong and good person. Remember!
Peace |
Edited by - jpbluesky on Jun 16 2006 1:49:00 PM |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2006 : 05:10:51 AM
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I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....... 
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2006 : 2:32:44 PM
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it is their loss, not yours. You are the one w/ the heart, they have a heart of steel.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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Across the Fence: Mean people |
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Mean people
