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Family Matters:  Adopting a Down Syndrome baby/child?  |
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missusprim
True Blue Farmgirl
400 Posts
Karen
Fostoria
Ohio
USA
400 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 17 2010 : 3:28:00 PM
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DH and I have been giving serious thought to adopting, in particular, a child or baby with Down Syndrome. There is much to consider and we are only beginning to research this. We are excited but we both have reservations of our own variation. We want to go forth with a clear head, mind and heart as this is a lifetime commitment and one not to be taken lightly.
We're not experts but we feel confident that we'd be able to do this and have done some research of our own so far. We'd also like to actually speak to parents, educators, doctors, etc. to find out all we can to better prepare us in our decision.
At this point we don't know if we even qualify because at our age (we're both 48.) So many questions and not really sure where to start. To do this would be awe inspiring, and we want it to be right.
If any of you ladies have any thoughts, concerns, etc. I'd love to hear from you. At this point my heart is treading oh so lightly as I don't want to get my hopes up too high only to have it come crashing down. KWIM?
Lately I've been taking note of any DS child I see, be it on t.v. or otherwise (Sarah Palin's son) and my longing just increases. It's a big step, and yet I'm so scared of being turned down - or running into an obstacle. My hopes are so high........ |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2010 : 5:54:18 PM
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It sounds like you have really been thinking this out and have the love and spirit to give a child a loving home. I'm not sure if age will be a problem but it may be less so when you are willing to take a child with DS as they may be harder to place.
As with any child it IS a life long committment, and as with any other child you need to prepare him or her for a life beyond you to whatever extent possible. There are group homes for young adults and some have apartments of their own with some guidance, more jobs are available to people with disabilities now too, beyond the sheltered workshops of the past.
There is a tremendous range of abilities among DS children, and some health issues as well.
I'll be praying for you and your quest for a child.
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
Posted - Nov 18 2010 : 10:33:06 AM
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If God has put this on your heart then look into it. If you feel your age may be a deterent to adoption maybe explore being a foster home for DS children?
Keep us posted and our prayers and thoughts are with you.
Anne-Marie
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" |
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countrified_city_gurl
Farmgirl in Training
27 Posts
najia
heidelberg
Germany
27 Posts |
Posted - Nov 18 2010 : 12:29:42 PM
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I have no advice but only wish to say God bless you both. The world needs more people like you and your husband. <3
Najia, the countrified city girl! #2221
Maybe a person's time would be as well spent raising food as raising money to buy food. ~Frank A. Clark
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Nov 18 2010 : 12:36:59 PM
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Our office just handled the adoption of a DS baby girl to a family that have been trying for years to have a little one of their own. There is a lot of (state) assistance out there to families willing to adopt children with special needs. I would certainly look into every single avenue--it sounds to me like you have your heart (and your head) in the right place. Good luck to you!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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KanMogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
349 Posts
Katherine
Rock
Kansas
USA
349 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2010 : 2:32:54 PM
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You might, also, check out education facilities in your area as to what services are available for down syndrome children. Is there an ARC organization or support groups in your area?
I would rather wear out than rust out.----Richard Cumberland |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2010 : 6:45:24 PM
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Hi, I don't have any advice either but may God bless you both!
Hugs,
Hannah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Lifes not about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.
Just a small town country girl, farmgirl,loggergirl, trying to live her dreams. :)
P.s. I've been playing around with the spelling of my name ( weird I know) and I've decided that I will stick with Hannah for good. Sorry I got you all confused. Hugs!! |
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missusprim
True Blue Farmgirl
400 Posts
Karen
Fostoria
Ohio
USA
400 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2010 : 07:32:12 AM
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I've also thrown out the idea of foster parenting to DH, as knittingmom has suggested. That, too, is an option that we should entertain. My head is spinning!
I've tried not pestering DH, as he is the one who initially broached the subject with me, but I can't help myself. For years I've expressed my sorrow at not having a child with him, and he had (up till now) has resigned himself to just enjoying each other, and yet I think now his heart is open for another life amongst ours.
I might add that DH and I will have been married 5 years this coming July. He has three kids from a previous marriage and I have two - all but my DD are adults and on their own with college, etc. It's been the ultimate in heartache to have met THE man who makes my soul smile, only to both be 'fixed' and unable to have a little one of our own. And it's been much harder on me as I think it's more of a woman's natural instinct to have that desire to provide a child for her DH. Even seeing DH cradling a cat in his arms as he would a child is so so very hard. Harder yet, is that my DH is such a wonderful, caring, kindhearted individual and absolutely loves little ones.
That said, I'm just not sure how to pursue this in a way that doesn't seem too forward, needy, or with the wrong intentions based on what others may think or feel.
Anyway, such serious stuff so close to the holidays! |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2010 : 12:08:43 PM
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You're making me cry, Karen! I think this is a wonderful, wonderful thing you are considering! Every child comes with their own unique challenges, some more profound than others... but a child with Downs Syndrome also comes with the most incredible successes to celebrate! One of my cousins has a son with a multitude of challenges, and he is the delight of the family! Please try not to worry about what others think or feel - if this is in your heart, I'm with AnnMarie - God probably did put it there. He will not only make it all fall into place, He will equip you and your husband with everything you need. Love knows no bounds, and God has no limits!
As I was reading what you said about it being hard on you as a woman, I cried. I deeply feel for you. And I know what it is you must feel when you see the potential father in your husband. I went through that for eight years, never knowing, always hoping. We were blessed with a child of our own - our miracle baby - and I am truly grateful. But for years now I continue to pray for "just one more," however the Lord sees fit to bring him or her into our family. My heart aches, too. I have been there and do understand. I always say that I don't think God gives us these feelings to abandon us to pain. I believe instead that they are meant to uplift us to greater heights than ever imagined or hoped for! It sounds so much like that is what is happening in you! Awesome!
Prior to the birth of our son, we fostered teens, and I am truly grateful for the whole experience. I don't believe your age really has anything to do with fostering, and I also know that now a lot of states offer adoption to the foster families after so much time passes and when a family reunion is unlikely. Just a thought.
I am very, very happy and excited about the possibilities for your future family! I am sooooo looking forward to following your story, in prayer, the entire way, whichever option you pursue. No matter how your hearts are lead to find your child, please do not be afraid to follow.
Hugs - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
Edited by - Ninibini on Nov 20 2010 3:37:49 PM |
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missusprim
True Blue Farmgirl
400 Posts
Karen
Fostoria
Ohio
USA
400 Posts |
Posted - Nov 21 2010 : 5:09:38 PM
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Nini, I was just a breath away from deleting my topic when I read your post. DH has not spoken a word about adopting for several days and I am very worried that he has changed his mind, or is having second thoughts - and so I basically gave up. I'm too afraid to ask and at this point I will see what happens.....it might be just the ensuing holidays that has him preoccupied.
But now I'm having second thoughts, and this is what I've been worried about: DH throwing out an idea (and boy, this one's a loaded one for me and he should've known it) and then backing off. It's not fair, and I'm at a loss as to where to go from here.
However, he did say when he originally brought it up, he made the comment about thinking about it for awhile, maybe until January, and seeing where we're at by then.
So glad you finally got your bundle of joy - doesn't it make it that much sweeter? I'm so happy for you, and I appreciate all you've said as it's given me the courage to hang on and see what happens in the enxt several weeks.
Thanks so much for your kind words! |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Nov 21 2010 : 5:50:11 PM
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I firmly believe there are no more loving people than the farmgirls found here on this forum. Any child that needs love and care.....it is so wonderful that there are people who would take this opportunity to do God's work. But everyone must be prayerful that it is the job meant for them.....not everyone can do it joyfully and without reserve. I pray for you that your decision will be the right one for you as parents, and that you will not feel guilty if it is not the right time. Listen.
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
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ponypower
True Blue Farmgirl
68 Posts
Lily
Caspar
Ca
USA
68 Posts |
Posted - Nov 22 2010 : 8:02:37 PM
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Dear Karen,
I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl Melody Sophia on April 30th of this year. She is a sweet, sweet girl with personality plus and I love her with all my heart. She is so much fun! She happens to have downs syndrome and we just got a major heart surgery behind us. What I want to tell you is,..from my view,..I applaud you for keeping an open mind and heart to a child that needs you. They are people first and foremost with the same prospects for a happy life as anyone that enters this earth. The diapers go on and off the same way! lol! So many people get hung up in the whole DS thing. I have already faced a lot of sentences starting with "downs syndrome kids are,....." Hooey!Each and every child is an individual FIRST! I asked about the "spectrum" that is talked about and the answer that I got was "when there is love and support in the home there is no limit as to what they can do" So I hope that if it is meant to be that a child finds you because it sounds to me like there is love to be had at your house. <3 |
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MaryJane
Queen Bee
16458 Posts
MaryJane
Moscow
Idaho
USA
16458 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2010 : 12:46:31 AM
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Hi Karen,
My sister adopted a Down Syndrome boy/infant and raised him until he was 18. He was anxious to be in a group setting/home and is doing fabulously well there. She still has her biological Down Syndrome/Autistic child at home with her. Because of his autism, he isn't at all social plus she keeps him on a very strict 100% organic, wheat/casein-free diet. She has cured his 20 year bout with Chrohn's disease through diet changes. She raised 7 children total, all of them super wonderful. Their DS boy is much loved by his siblings. With that many children, it was just one big pajama party (mostly a diaper party in the early years), all of it orchestrated by my sister's heart that is as big as a washtub!
I remember when all my siblings and spouses and their children converged on my farm for my mother's 70th b-day many years ago. We were all gathered around as my mother opened a necklace we had commissioned custom-made for the occasion. As she tearfully put it around her neck, our little guy broke the silence by loudly saying KEEP IT! He is uniquely humorous at all the right moments and has an infectious giggle/laugh.
MaryJane, Farmgirl #1 Plowin' Thru ~ giving aprons a good wrap for 45 years and counting ~
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J.F. Brown
True Blue Farmgirl
130 Posts
Jamie
Beaverton
OR
USA
130 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2010 : 3:27:16 PM
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Through my son's sports, I have come to know many people with Down syndrome. Each is an individual, and each brings as many gifts as disabilities. My son is 31, and has autism and intellectual disabilities; his best friend, who has DS, has no problem telling my son to pull it together if he starts to spin out of control.
They have a friend who refers to herself as 'stubborn', but also says she is 'conservative but non-partisan'. She has DS. Another man we know, who also has DS, is the life of the party, and every one of them works, has opinions, activities, friends. Most vote, many are active in church or temple, most volunteer in the community.
Every child can drive a parent to tears, and to tears of joy and laughter. The Down syndrome is a part of a person, but not the only part, not the most important part. |
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missusprim
True Blue Farmgirl
400 Posts
Karen
Fostoria
Ohio
USA
400 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2010 : 4:20:42 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by J.F. Brown
The Down syndrome is a part of a person, but not the only part, not the most important part.
That is such a wonderful way to put it, I thank you!
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ponypower
True Blue Farmgirl
68 Posts
Lily
Caspar
Ca
USA
68 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2010 : 8:29:19 PM
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| I love that! Totally what I was trying to say but said much much better! lol! |
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ramonaj
True Blue Farmgirl
118 Posts
rhonda
gibsons
british columbia
Canada
118 Posts |
Posted - Nov 25 2010 : 6:36:40 PM
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Maybe consider fostering a child first, especially if your husband may be having second thoughts. there are foster to adopt programs here. maybe your state has something like that.
happiness to all sentient beings |
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Princess_Of_The_Barn
Farmgirl at Heart
7 Posts
Tonya
New Douglas
IL
USA
7 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2010 : 8:04:20 PM
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My BFF has adopted two DS kids. Her oldest son came to her at almost 2 years old. He's now 13. Her youngest daughter came to her at a year old. She fostered both of them, but her oldest was foster-to-adopt from the get-go while her daughter was a foster kid whom she was able to adopt.
Having both of those kids in her life has been magical. It's been so much fun watching those kids bloom and grow while in her care. She'd tell you right off that there's a waiting list for folks who would adopt a DS kid and if you search there's a website that has just DS kids listed. Here's one with international DS kids. http://reecesrainbow.org/category/waitingchildren/ds-0-2
I also love that my BFF has a bumper sticker on her van that says "MY KID HAS MORE CHROMOSOMES THAN YOUR KID!" A sense of humor always helps!
Livin' the dream! |
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J.F. Brown
True Blue Farmgirl
130 Posts
Jamie
Beaverton
OR
USA
130 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 2:59:34 PM
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| You said it just perfectly! Glad the surgery went well, and I know she'll be just great! |
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ponypower
True Blue Farmgirl
68 Posts
Lily
Caspar
Ca
USA
68 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2010 : 08:55:21 AM
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| Thanks Jaimi. ; ) I can't tell you how happy she makes me. We are so relieved to have her out of danger. |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2010 : 05:06:51 AM
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wow, Karen
With so much support, I hope you can find the courage to make the right decision for your family. I always wanted more children . . . many issues kept my "natural" count down to one - but of course, one that really counts! I never felt a child had to be born to me to be my child and I think my "step"son (hate that word) would tell you it's true. A few years ago, my husband looked at me holding a puppy and said, "You were right. You should have had loads of kids." It kinda broke my heart to have him finally see my need. So, I urge you to go for it. You know the right way for you and don't fight the feeling in your heart with making the "sensible" choice. I am saying this all wrong, I hope you can understand my message. You know if this is right for you and if you will regret not pursuing this opportunity for the rest of your life.
Prayers sent your way
Marianne |
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Tall Holly
True Blue Farmgirl
2305 Posts
Holly
Worcester
Vermont
USA
2305 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2010 : 6:00:12 PM
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Adoption is great! All nine of our children are adopted. Six came as older children and three as infants. All learn in their own special ways. Four are grown and not living at home anymore. All have had their challenges but all are miracles.
You might want to read a book called Children of Dreams, Children of Hope by Raymundo Veras it is published by the Institues for the Achievement of Human Potential. It is a hopeful book about children with Downs Syndrome.
I havw found in the children around here that if the parents kicked but to get services for their children then the children did better than the parents who just went along for the ride.
I applaud anyone who is able to parent in the foster care system. We did it years ago and I had an awful time sending the child back to her parents or sending the child to the next placement because I did not agree with the social workers decisions. So, now we adopt.
Adoptuskids.org is a good site to start learning about adoption.
Good luck to you.
Holly |
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missusprim
True Blue Farmgirl
400 Posts
Karen
Fostoria
Ohio
USA
400 Posts |
Posted - Dec 11 2010 : 8:26:52 PM
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| Thanks everyone for your wonderful support - it's nice to hear all the positive feedback and good experiences with each and every one! I'll update you if I can. |
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13664 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13664 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2010 : 8:42:20 PM
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Let me introduce you to our son, Jeremy, who has Down Syndrome. He just turned 37 years old.
I could get really long-winded about him, his life, his part of our family and the community, but I won't.
At this point, I will simply say that he is the BEST!!! He is a GIFT!!! What a JOY!!!
I would be really happy to share more if you wish . . you can email me.
.JPG)
..from the barefoot farmgirl in SW Colorado...sister chick #665
From my Heart - www.fromacelticheart.blogspot.com
From my Hands - www.cjscreations-ceejay.blogspot.com
From my Hubby - www.aspenforge.blogspot.com |
Edited by - ceejay48 on Dec 20 2010 8:50:11 PM |
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missusprim
True Blue Farmgirl
400 Posts
Karen
Fostoria
Ohio
USA
400 Posts |
Posted - Dec 22 2010 : 2:25:29 PM
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Awww, Jeremy looks like a fine young man! Thanks so much for the encouragement and sharing your 'gift' - it surely warmed my heart on an otherwise dreary day.
When the busy holidays are over I'll be sure to update! |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Dec 22 2010 : 6:13:20 PM
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Hey there, CJ! Please wish Jeremy a happy belated birthday for me! Just l@@k at his light! It's beautiful!!! I'd love to hear all about him! Go ahead - GUSH! That's one of the best parts about being a Mom! :)
Still praying for you, Karen! :)
Merry Christmas! - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
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Family Matters: Adopting a Down Syndrome baby/child? |
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Adopting a Down Syndrome baby/child?
