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Family Matters:  Square peg in a round hole?  |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 08 2010 : 7:37:39 PM
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I know I'm not the only farmgirl with this problem but...my family just doesn't understand me. they never have, really. I'm the only girl and I love my brothers but it seems like they always talk about their cars and entertainment centers whenever we get together. I don't watch TV and my car is just a car. I live close to my parents and see them often but they can't understand why I made part of my yard a garden to grow veggies. Plus I earn less (considerably less) than my brothers and my two SIL's are very materialistic. It's hard to find other people like me in this town and I have friends, but most of them live a good distance away. It just gets very frustrating at times because my mom is constantly offering me meat dishes when I go over to their house, even though I've told her that I'm trying to be a vegetarian. That's why I'm so glad for this forum and the chance to chat with like-minded farmgirls. Sometimes it's hard for me to be myself because my family looks at me like I'm from Mars when I am myself. It'd be nice to find a man who shares my views but I haven't had much luck with men. Anyway, I was just feeling kinda lonely and needing to vent--hope ya'll understand. I'm very grateful for all the ladies who contribute to this forum. If you're ever in the St. Louis area, drop me a line.
cindy
"There is more to life than increasing its speed". Mahatma Gandhi
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2010 : 05:55:26 AM
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Well, Cindy, I am glad you found us. We are all kindred spirits here. Just keep doing what you are doing and before you know it you will find friends and maybe a man that knows where you are coming from.
Age only matters if you are wine or cheese.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922 |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2010 : 06:05:32 AM
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Cindy- I do know what you mean. My husband is totally unfarmish. My next oldest sister is totally unfarmish and my oldest sister is totally unfarmish. My mom and my middle sister understand which is great. But most of my friends that I share with my husband don't understnad either. It can be hard.
The best thing I have found is just be certain in the path you are walking. When you mom offers you a meat dish, just continually say "No thank you, I'm a vegitarian". Eventually force of repitition will help you out. Sometimes it is hard being the one that doesn't fit the niche that others find so comfortable, but the way I look at it is- everyone that doesn't earn a quarter of a million a year is going to, at some point, find they can't keep up with the Jone's and have to reevaluate. Sometimes that comes at the point of medical crises when their body can't stand the constant stress. And while they might not take up gardening they might realize that you who live within your means was actually the wise one all along. Consider yourself ahead of the curve! :D
I wish you the best of luck finding a guy! *hugs* Maybe striking up a conversation with eligible guys at the feed store? ;)
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2010 : 06:44:03 AM
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I understand completely. My family thinks I'm insane because I want a root cellar and a greenhouse instead of a SUV and a vacation. I would rather sit in the yard and watch my chickens. I found a guy who wishes he was a farmer even though he really isn't into the whole picture. He lets me have whatever I want if it's constructive and he runs the power tools and equipment happily. Well, more in trade for not havin to help in the house, but it's a fair trade to me. I don't want to step on any toes or offend anyone, but the seventh day adventist church is very encouraging, even kinda pushing, the self sufficient lifestyle. As a bonus to you they are very encouraging of the vegetarian lifestyle as well. It might be a place to find a likeminded guy if your openminded towards religion or sharin a life with someone of different religion than yourself. Just a suggestion.
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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EarthMamaJEM
Farmgirl in Training
38 Posts
Jenn
PA
USA
38 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2010 : 07:16:04 AM
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Ha ha ha, that is what my husband uses to describe our family too. :) Feel free to email me anytime, I totally understand. We do a lot of the same things as you and I come from not only a very medical, but, wealthy and "quick and easy" type of family as does my husband.
I am Jenn. Wife to A, mama to S, B, L and V.
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Ingrid
True Blue Farmgirl
432 Posts
Ingrid
BC
Canada
432 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2010 : 08:25:34 AM
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My guess is you are a lot happier in your life than the people who don't understand. You have found the place that gives you the most satisfaction. Keep doing what you are doing regardless of what others think. Material things and money doesn't make a person happy it only makes them think they are.
Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do! |
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13618 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13618 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2010 : 08:38:03 AM
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Cindy,
Boy do I understand that!! I have 2 older brothers and 2 older sisters . . . hmmmmmm . . . better not get into it!!! I have one younger sister who is brain-injured from a horseback riding accident and I'm her caregiver.
If it weren't for my TOTALLY AWESOME and "Farm-ish" hubby and my daughter I'd have NO family support whatsoever. It's just discouraging and disappointing that I have no "conncection" with my siblings!!!!
I'm SLOWLY learning to make adjustments in my expectations . . for my own sanity!!! And, I'm also getting to where I don't spend a lot of time and energy being concerned about what they think . . or say.
I KNOW my family thinks I'm nuts . . . I no longer care!!! I'm having a ball and I too am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO grateful for the forum cuz we are of kindred spirit!!!
HANG IN THERE!!! WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!! :) :)
CJ
..from the barefoot farmgirl in SW Colorado...sister chick #665
From my Heart - www.fromacelticheart.blogspot.com
From my Hands - www.cjscreations-ceejay.blogspot.com
From my Hubby - www.aspenforge.blogspot.com |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2010 : 7:28:28 PM
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Gee, thanks, fellow farmgirls! It's good to know I'm not alone. I love my family but I gotta be ME, not who they want me to be. I wish I could say that I live within my means but before I became eco-conscious, I tried to "keep up" with my SIL's and now I'm in debt. I'm slowly paying it down but it seems at times that I'll never get ahead. As for striking up a conversation at the feed store--most every man I see there is married. I ain't no spring chicken so the pickin's are kinda slim. I'm on the quiet side as well so usually the only guys I end up talking to are the ones at the cash register when I buy something. I know the Seventh Day Adventist Church is vegetarian but I didn't know they were into a sustainable lifestyle, though now that I think about it, it makes sense. I was raised Catholic and I know some Catholics who are really into living green, but it seems like the head honchos (bishops, etc.) just pay it lip service. It would be nice to find a church that honors nature while not forgetting that it's God who is the ultimate in sustainable living. I hope that makes sense.
cindy
"There is more to life than increasing its speed". Mahatma Gandhi
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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EarthMamaJEM
Farmgirl in Training
38 Posts
Jenn
PA
USA
38 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2010 : 2:45:59 PM
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Cindy, we currently home church and left the several protestant churches that we had attended because it seemed that up until we had children, we fit in. After having children, we did not. I could honestly care less about what works for another person and their family, but to be verbally attacked (which we were) for more natural living (homebirths, nursing toddlers etc) was just awful. We were even told we didnt "trust God" because we do not eat meat and that it was "flaunting and not modest and gross" for me to breastfeed during a service. The list could go on but I will stop. ;)
Ironically, we have been attending Catholic Mass with friends every now and then, and feel as if we fit in more there than we did at our several protestant churches we tried out. It seems like there are larger families and children are welcome in the service, which we love.
I am Jenn. Wife to A, mama to S, B, L and V.
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2010 : 6:53:33 PM
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Yes, it is very discouraging to be verbally attacked at church. I once left a church after being told I was "too dependent" on the church. (Because I loved the people there and thought of them as family?). I am glad you are finding acceptance in the Catholic church. I myself have a love/hate relationship with the church--I love what it stands for and hate what some people are doing to it "in the name of God". But I'm getting off the subject. I believe there is an outdoor chapel somewhere in Arkansas and that is definitely the kind of church where I would fit in. It seems like the trend around here is towards large, ultra electronic worship services and that saddens me. I believe Emily Dickinson wrote a poem about feeling closer to God listening to the birds singing than at any traditional church service. Wise poet, that Emily. Oh, and by the way, I don't trust anyone who tells me I need to "trust God". What they really mean is don't try.
Cindy
"There is more to life than increasing its speed". Mahatma Gandhi
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2010 : 2:43:53 PM
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Hey kindred spirit! So sorry you are having this problem. Celebrate who YOU are. Enjoy the things that YOU like. God made us all different on purpose. Check out the local co-ops in your area. Work there. Meet people. You need a new set of friends. Sometimes when we grow up we need to "divorce" the family and find others like us. Are there local organic farms that you could work part-time for. Do lots of connecting. It's time to free yourself of the negative and then you can feel free. I commend you for your lifestyle. God (not the church) bless you. Your farmfriend Bonnie.
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
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TexBetsy
True Blue Farmgirl
314 Posts
Betsy
Princeton
TX
USA
314 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2010 : 5:36:20 PM
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Oh Cindy, my kindred spirit, Farmgirl Sister!! I've been thinking about your post all day and can so relate. I dress very well in my thrift store clothes not clothes from the local designer shops. I eat marvelous food from the local Farmers Market, not at fancy restaurants. I love to read and crochet and sew and daydream, but I don't like to watch television. And yes, people look at me like I'm strange. But, if we're from Mars, I welcome and love all my fellow Martians 
Betsy
Farmgirl #1444 |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2010 : 5:49:35 PM
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I can relate as well..never have been like the rest of my family...or heck, most of my friends. As I am older now they have just come to accept me as I am...but honey it took awhile. I love coming here and knowing that I am not alone!
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2010 : 7:49:57 PM
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Jenny--I think other people could accept me better if I could accept MYSELF better. When I was in my teens I felt like I was living in the wrong age--that I should have been living in the early 1900's. I've tried to fit into this modern age but now I realize that I'm actually AHEAD of my time--the time is coming when we're all going to have to learn to get along and share the Earth's resources. Or else perish. We really are all connected to each other, especially in this day of modern technology. As for riches and wealth--if a man's rise is due to somebody else's fall, well, what goes around comes around. I'm an optimist about the future when I read of poor people in Africa and India doing their part to preserve the Earth and all its inhabitants. But I fear that the wealthy aren't getting the message. Just my two cents worth.
cindy
"There is more to life than increasing its speed". Mahatma Gandhi
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2010 : 9:33:30 PM
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Cindy, I have to agree with Bonnie, as sad as it might be. I have had to do basically that. I don't 'hang out' with my family anymore and neither does my Hubby. We agree that God said we were to leave our father's house and cleave to each other, so we have. Oddly enough it's been our friends, who have every 'toy' imaginable well into the thousands of dollars worth, that are most accepting of our 'earthy' lifestyle. We even have a few friends who call to ask what's in the garden this week so they can buy from us before the store. They like our produce better. I have one rather wealthy friend who buys my homemade jams and jellies for gifts for her family members! But sadly, my own family is constantly telling me how I'm wasting my time, money, life, efforts, what have you, doing things the way I am. My family calls me 'touched'. My friends call me 'farmer'. One says it sadly. The other says it lovingly teasing. You are not alone. We are here for you Sister!
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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DvilleMama
True Blue Farmgirl
159 Posts
Lyn
Small Town
MI
USA
159 Posts |
Posted - Jul 13 2010 : 6:09:17 PM
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Hi Cindy,
I'm sorry if somebody's already posted what I'm about to suggest. I didn't have time to read everybody's great ideas (I assume they're great because us farmgirls have great minds & think alike!) Anyway, two things: 1. have you thought of seeing if there's a farmgirl chapter in your area? I think you can email MaryJane's son, Brian Ogle (?) to see if there are. If not, perhaps you can start your own. I have women who I hardly know that plan on joining our chapter when we start it up in August. I'm excited about getting to know these like-minded and maybe not so like-minded women.
2. In regards to church, I've heard of "cowboy" churches. I don't know if there's any in your area but it wouldn't hurt to research this. I have to believe that these churches are made up of like-minded men and women who strive for a simpler life, just like us farmgirls.
Hope this helps. Blessings to you!
Lyn
Farmgirl Sister #1574
Mid-Michigan Farmgirl Chapter
http://simplelifeseeker.blogspot.com |
Edited by - DvilleMama on Jul 13 2010 6:10:13 PM |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Jul 13 2010 : 9:49:37 PM
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Lyn--I've heard of "cowboy churches" and there was even a service held in this area a few years ago, but it was a one-time thing. There is a Presbyterian church that holds a Celtic service once a month, but it's fifty miles away. I want to go just to see what it's like. There is a chapter of MO-Kansas farmgirls but I haven't visited their henhouse yet.
Angela--oddly enough, one of the most accepting persons I've come across is an 83-year-old neighbor who has lived in Mexico and would go back in a heartbeat if it was safe. She's open-minded enough to be very interesting and conservative enough to know where she stands. Lots of people don't "get" her but I do. She's the only person in this town that I've come across who deosn't think I'm weird. as for my family, it's just really hard to have any sort of a meaningful conversation with any of them. That's why I love the FC so much. There's so much junk out there on the internet and this place shines like a jewel.
Cindy
"There is more to life than increasing its speed". Mahatma Gandhi
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2010 : 03:28:07 AM
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Cindy, I just sent you a email!
Hugs, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2010 : 9:00:11 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by prariehawk
Angela--oddly enough, one of the most accepting persons I've come across is an 83-year-old neighbor who has lived in Mexico and would go back in a heartbeat if it was safe. She's open-minded enough to be very interesting and conservative enough to know where she stands. Lots of people don't "get" her but I do. She's the only person in this town that I've come across who deosn't think I'm weird. as for my family, it's just really hard to have any sort of a meaningful conversation with any of them. That's why I love the FC so much. There's so much junk out there on the internet and this place shines like a jewel.
Cindy
Yeah, boy. Mark Twain said the cure for bigotry and racism is to travel. Well, I'm going to corrupt that into traveling to new places changes people in their heart. I don't think you're weird at all. You march to the beat of a different drummer but who is anyone to say you're weird?? There have been times the internet was the only thing I had to connect to people and maybe, at this time, this is for you to do so. I'm almost always amazed to find people that I 'get' and who 'get' me (I am ADD more or less). This site is wonderful and full of different people.
Keep this site in your bookmarks and maybe you'll even get to meet some of the folks on here.
I go thru St. Louis every so often but usually can't stop. But I can talk on this site.
"There is more to life than increasing its speed". Mahatma Gandhi
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/
For some 'venting'-type of entertainment, please read my blog, http://lostadventuresintrucking.blogspot.com .
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2010 : 9:01:45 PM
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Okay, I tried to do a quote and see how it came out?? I'm so 'puter challenged at times!! Oh, well, at least it's up there... *sigh* 
For some 'venting'-type of entertainment, please read my blog, http://lostadventuresintrucking.blogspot.com .
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Lynda V.
Farmgirl at Heart
8 Posts
Lynda
New Lenox
IL
USA
8 Posts |
Posted - Jul 18 2010 : 2:59:49 PM
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| I just want to add my voice and say you are certainly not alone! My husband is not a farm kind of guy,but he supports whatever I am interested in. He builds my raised vegetable beds and buys me compost bins and even talks about moving somewhere where I can have chickens someday:) But everyone else thinks that I am a curiosity. You can imagine the looks I get when people find out that my husband gives me bales of straw for Mother's Day (to mulch my veggies,of course)! |
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msdoolittle
True Blue Farmgirl
1143 Posts
Amanda
East Texas
USA
1143 Posts |
Posted - Jul 21 2010 : 08:22:03 AM
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Hi Cindy,
I know you know you're not alone! My brother calls me 'Mother Nature', lol. I do not have TV service, I sold my car (now we have only one to pay off), and I grow my own food, including meat.
I used to have a keychain back in grade school that said, "I'm not weird, I'm gifted". I have been reading your posts and it also makes me think of what Dave Ramsey is always saying "Live like no one else, so that later you can live like no one else." In other words, by NOT 'keeping up with the Joneses', you will ultimately be in the best shape financially by not buying the ridiculous 'toys' and other crap that society crams down our throats.
I am a 'black sheep', too, and I love it. I say, if someone doesn't like me, then they can get over it. They can get happy in the same pants they got ticked off in, lol. It doesn't bother me that some people think I am odd, because I feel that I am providing the best life for my family.
As for church, we do not attend a church, mainly because my husband gets completely out of whack about the hypocrites that DO attend. His ex-wife would throw the Good Book at you, yet she did some VERY 'un-church-like' things behind his back. I know that going to church is really about YOUR personal relationship with God, but anyway. I see God in everything right here at home, from my children's faces, to a chicken, to the tall pines. I talk to God in my garden. So, that is my church home for now.
FarmGirl #1390
www.mylittlecountry.wordpress.com |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2010 : 06:22:35 AM
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Cindy, emailing you!! I completely get what you are going thru!! The awesome thing with this site is we all are from different areas, backgrounds, etc. But, we share a beautiful like mindedness. I too, have always felt very out of place even as a kid. I come from a home where material things and livesyles are all that matters. Its tough! And sadly sometimes the church really hurts its own in the worst ways. Hang in there and seek out the ladies here. 24/7 we are here for one another. It is such a blessing!! Linda
Country at Heart |
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earthmamaT
True Blue Farmgirl
96 Posts
Tammy
portola
California
96 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2010 : 7:22:49 PM
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Cindy are you SURE you are not my long lost sister ??? It sounds like my family. I am the oldest. I married and left when my younger sisters were 8 & 12. My brother was 12. By the time I moved back towards our family home in VA more than 12 years had passed. I hardly knew my siblings and we were NOTHING alike. My sisters are extremly materialistic and will not go near anything that suggests outdoors ( NO CAMPING). If it isn't designer they do not want it. To be fair they do have the money to live the lifestyle so if they are happy great. But they do not understand the choices my DH and I have made. I am referred to as the Hippie, Earth Mama, ect.... So I just smile and say YEP THATS ME and go on my hippie, earth mama, way
Tammy ~
"Be the change you want to see in the world" Gandhi |
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earthmamaT
True Blue Farmgirl
96 Posts
Tammy
portola
California
96 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2010 : 7:25:07 PM
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Cindy are you SURE you are not my long lost sister??? It sounds like my family. I am the oldest. I married and left when my younger sisters were 8 & 10. My brother was 12. By the time I moved back towards our family home in VA more than 12 years had passed. I hardly knew my siblings and we were NOTHING alike. My sisters are extremly materialistic and will not go near anything that suggests outdoors ( NO CAMPING). If it isn't designer they do not want it. To be fair they do have the money to live the lifestyle so if they are happy great. But they do not understand the choices my DH and I have made. I am referred to as the Hippie, Earth Mama, ect.... I have learned to smile and say YEP THATS ME and go on my hippie, earth mama, way
Tammy ~
"Be the change you want to see in the world" Gandhi |
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phonelady
True Blue Farmgirl
323 Posts
Carla
Loveland
Colorado
323 Posts |
Posted - Jul 25 2010 : 09:31:34 AM
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Oh yea, you are way ahead of the game on living the affordable lifestyle!
Many, many people have lots of things and do the car worship thing but have no retirement or are in debt up to their eyeballs.
It does catch up to one later. I fell into that lifestyle when I lived out in S. California. Then I became ill and lost everything. Those credit card companies and car dealers couldn't give a ____ and it gets real lonely if that is the only friends you've made over the years.
You might think of moving in circles that share your views so that you have a support group. Are there clubs that like the same hobbies you do? How about places to volunteer? Classes you can take at the local college or Rec Center?
We might love our family but that doesn't mean they have the only lifestyle that works. Value yours and let them have theirs. Some of the most polite answers I have learned for people that think they are helping by trying to change me is, "Thank you for your input" or "I'll take that under consideration" [If it sounds like something reasonable].
My Dad just doesn't get my lifestyle, and doesn't get that at 47 years old I've probably developed one of my own. ;*}
Smiles!
Carla
It's not just life-
It's an adventure!
http://familyhistoryfindings.blogspot.com/ |
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Family Matters: Square peg in a round hole? |
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Square peg in a round hole?
