| Author |
Parenting & Farm Kids:  How do I improve work ethics in my kids  |
|
|
celebrate2727
True Blue Farmgirl
989 Posts
Beth
MJF
Farmgirl
989 Posts |
 Posted - May 16 2006 : 4:36:37 PM
|
Ok so I need advice. I have a son who I am spending alot of money on to send to a private school and I am watching him fall into a zone. He is puting less and less effort into his school work and athletics. My husband has the best work ethics I've ever seen. We have 4 great kids that are respectful and outstanding citizens. But as they grow older I see them working less and less. When my daughter was in the 9th grade she was one of the best soccer players on her team. She was also the fastest girl in her school. But she lacked the disipline to work hard to improve. Instead she sat on her laurels and figured that would get her through. Unfortunately it did not. Now as a junior she is realizing her mistakes and is trying hard to catch up. She told me I should have been more honest with her about her efforts. Not sugar coat it for her becuse by doing that I did her no favors. Now my son who is in 9th grade now is doing the same. He has amazing potential to play football in college, hopefully on a scholarship. But he is so unmotivated. he doesn't want to put the time into what it takes to make it. I know that right now some of you are saying, well you can't force him and your putting to much pressure on him. Trust me I've heard it many times. I think there comes a time when you have to force them to do what you know is in their best interest. He's a great student and a fantastic athlete. But every time you look at a world class athlete, trust me they had parents that pushed when they needed to push.
So I guess my question is how do you teach strong work ethics and mental toughness? I know there are some sports moms here, especially you miz ellen (I love all the advice you gave me on Saturday). What can I do? How do I push? Do I revoke priviledges or reward effort?
blessings
beth
Dreaming of Friday Night Lights
|
Edited by - celebrate2727 on May 16 2006 4:37:07 PM |
|
|
Libbie
Farmgirl Connection Cultivator
3579 Posts
Anne E.
Elsinore
Utah
USA
3579 Posts |
Posted - May 16 2006 : 9:37:50 PM
|
Beth - I think I have a unique perspective on this. My father was a professional and Olympic athlete, and also a college coach. His passion and sport are tennis. I took the liberty of running your dilemma past him, and here are some bits of his advice...
First of all, you may want to find out what his real passions are - is football one of them? Are they other things, also or instead? One way of looking at a scholarship is that it can be a means to an end as far as getting to college to pursue another true interest, but it's my dad's opinion that most college athletes do, in fact, have their sport as their passion.
He also suggested that you work with his current coach to assess what your son's abilities and potential might be, in order to figure out how best to support him.
Something else you may want to consider is whether or not his change in attitude is a result of a usually temporary situation, a girlfriend or some other thing...
I was really interested in what my dad would say about pushing kids and sports. He said that usually that happens at a much younger age than high school - when the kids are 8-9-10-11-ish. He did not, however, give an opinion of "good" versus "bad" on this one - he just said that it is so dependent on the personality of the child and the intentions of the parent that without knowing both of those things, he couldn't even begin to say.
That being said, neither my sister or I were ever pushed into playing tennis. We are both good-enough players, and played on our high school teams, but did not pursue it further. I have asked him before if this has been disappointing to him at all, and, in that greatest "dad way" that he has, he just got the most kind look and said, "Of course not, of course not."
Interesting question - I wish you and your son the best!
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
 |
|
|
celebrate2727
True Blue Farmgirl
989 Posts
Beth
MJF
Farmgirl
989 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2006 : 06:08:53 AM
|
Wow - thanks Libbie. I have spoken with his coaches and they do feel he has great potential. He has been playing football since he was in 3rd grade. He does love the sport. It is just the new school and new friends and video games seem to interfere. He goes to school with kids that are for the most part very well off. The parents all drive Lexus and live in big houses, we drive old jalopies and live on a farm. I have had many a conversations on "drive" in kids and the demographics of those that succeed. Children of affluence tend to have less drive especially in sports. I know this is a generalization. But look at your professional athletes, many came from very poor homes. All they had was a football or basketball. None of the distractions like video games, which I personally think are the root of all evil.
Your dad is right about approaching each and situation differently. I blame myself for alot of it. I allow him to waste time on video games when I should be outside with him playing ball or running around. I tried pushing my daughter when she was younger./ I was her soccer coach for 3 years and at every practice we would butt heads. I finally backed off and left her alone. Big mistake. I should have stayed at it, she'd be a much better player today if I had. She really wants to play in college, but I am not sure if she will make it. I know my son has all the goods to be a great player, we have heard it from everyone who watches him play. From what we've heard he is a coaches dream, talented beyond belief, fast, smart has amazing vision on the field and above all extemely coachable. The one thing he lacks is mental toughness and drive. I am always lecturing him on what I call above and beyond. Its about always striving harder to go above and beyond , pushing your own limits and driving through to the next level. I guess what I really need to do is get him focused on football and be consistent with him on his time spent on other activities.
so now I have rambled a bit. Thanks for listening.
blessings
beth
Dreaming of Friday Night Lights
|
|
|
| |
Parenting & Farm Kids: How do I improve work ethics in my kids |
|
|
|
How do I improve work ethics in my kids
