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Across the Fence:  A little tense over upcoming get-togethers  |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 07:02:05 AM
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Anyone else not excited for the upcoming weekend and the family get togethers? I used to love family get togethers. I used to love seeing everyone and catching up and spending time with people I didn't get to see on a daily basis. It seems, however, the farther out on the limb I go (and maybe other people here feel this too) the harder family get togethers are.
Saturday and Sunday are Easter get togethers in our family. I don't know if my hubby will be there because he is on duty that weekend. At family get togethers, people generally interact with us on the following subjects: how "poor" we are (I don't consider us to be poor at all), that we drive a car with almost 200,000 miles on it, that we do lame things like build an incubator (what a bunch of freaks, right??) have chickens (who would want chickens)...and by the way, when are your kids going to go to a real school? And when are you, Amy, ever going to get a job?? I'm of the opinion that however you want to live your life is fine, and when people jump on me about mine, I don't really want to start a fight about anything. I figure they don't want to really know why we make the choices we do, they just want to tell me that their life is better. I don't really care if it isn't or isn't, because it isn't my life. :)
I guess my question is, when you know its hard to be a part of the conversations because they are calling you out on something you believe in and want to tell you how stupid it is or you are surrounded by hoards of people who don't understand farmgirls....how do you handle yourself at the get together? My family is always polite and warm, but we don't feel its reciprocated...you know what I mean?
I'm looking for something to keep in the back of my mind while these people are driving me insane. Hubby says "you just have to have faith in what we are doing and why". I know that. But after the 4th hour of listening to and being with people who don't get what you do or respect your right to do things differently than them, it gets downright frustrating. And I guess its weighing on my mind a lot since this weekend is coming up...fast!! Any tips, ladies??
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 07:14:08 AM
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I'm not looking forward to our gathering, but that's only because it's a buffet at a restaurant...But, we do have similar families it seems. I agree with your hubby...you have to have faith in what you're doing and why. My husband's family is upper middle class, and his sister and her husband are wealthy (he's a stockbroker) and they live the "ticky tacky" lifestyle. They're currently building a large home on a postage stamp lot...and you know what? We're just like you--we have 2 cars with lots of miles (but they're paid for) and a tiny house with a large lot that we grow veggies on and we spend our money on loads of soil or flowers and trees. The difference? My sister-in-law might think we're weird, but she never says it. And if she did, I'd probably simply "not respond" or change the subject to something more topic appropriate like why we're all gathered together. You could even kill them with kindness when they say, "why would you build an incubator?" and say, I can't wait to deliver my first round of fresh eggs to family and friends. Being different makes the world go round, and you can say that, too :)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 07:14:28 AM
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Aw, thanks Michelle!!! How could I have forgotten my quote??
I will definitely keep coming back here. This is the best place. Ever.
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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Lessie Louise
True Blue Farmgirl
1406 Posts
Carol
PECULIAR
MO
USA
1406 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 07:15:29 AM
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I so understand what you go through. I try to smile through all the comments, and give a litlle prayer of thanks that I have the life I want, and that is what helps me. Carol
Forget buns of steel, I'd rather have buns of cinnamon!
Farmgirl #680! |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 09:31:30 AM
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Amy, I wish I could help you. I used to homeschool my kids and I got all kinds of wierd strange questions and looks. The thing I hated most was people would say they weren't getting the social skills they'd need when they got older. Or from other kids saying they were so lucky to get to stay home and watch tv all day. People seem to be a whole lot better about homeschoolers now though.
When we go to reunions and get togethers everyone wants me to bring my homemade bread and eggs and goat milk. Also lots of produce. They are all so impressed with all I do here. So I don't get the crazy questions anymore. My hubby said he was talking to his sister and she said she wanted to come on this forum to see what all is going on. I guess I was lucky to marry a good ole country boy. Even my family is ok with all I do. Well, not my sister-in-law. She doesn't understand why I can't come to Colorado all the time to visit because of all the goats. She has not been here in 5 1/2 years and she doesn't have goats.
I would suggest you bring some of your wonderful pretty eggs to one of the egg hunts. Make deviled eggs, too. People are always surprised at how almost orange my egg yolks are. Or bake some home made bread and cookies and cakes. Bring some real food. Because you have time to cook and bake. And I'm sure your boys know how too. It's amazing how most people really do want to be this way but just don't know how.
I do hope you have a great weekend and just try to get through it. You can do it. Just plow through. You're a farmgirl now so you have the tools it takes to see you through things like this.
Hugs, Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 09:55:05 AM
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I agree with what everyone else is saying, but, if I was in your shoes, I would be kicking butt off my land, lol. I guess I was lucky, NO ONE in either side of the family is like that, so I have never experienced what you are going thru, I also agree with what your hubby says, he's a smart man, try and ignor the others, and look into your future, and when those people can't survive, or deciede that the food choices they have made, aren't so good, you can go "I tried to tell you", and just smile.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 1:29:36 PM
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I am in the same boat. But I left my nagging family 1300 miles away and I can enjoy holidays for a change. Except my sister in law who we live with like to complain about every thing.
My one sister is a doctor. She is too good to have such a trivial thing as a conversation with me. And I have to hear from my folks about how wonderful she is and what she has and what she does. Yikes.
I am fairly happy with the life I live and I don't care what others think and I won't ever be bothered with people like that again. I know that sounds cold, but I will not have that kind of stress again. I will be sooooo happy when we get on own again. My sister in law is a constant complainer. Nothing is ever right. She has never done anything herself in her life, but she criticizes everything and everyone. She sat at the dinner table eating the meal I made telling me that she doesn't think that I made it right because she doesn't think it tastes like she thinks it should. Grrrr. I have bite marks on my lips!!!!!!
We all have a person that is a burr under the saddle.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 2:46:59 PM
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why don't you create a pretty framed image for your dining room. have it say something like "The choices we have made are the best for our family. Get over it already and enjoy your visit. If you want to bellyache about things you know where the door is" Print it out in a nice font and a nice size. Large and bold is best of course, and use this in a very prominent area, the dining room if that is where the gathering spot is, or wherever family members congregate. It gets the point across without you having to repeat yourself and get drawn into an argument. If you feel yourself being drawn into an argument just turn towards the framed image and point at it and say to whomever is getting under your skin. See this.."I didn't just hang it here for fun. "I mean every word of it" They should get the point.
~I Dream of a Better World..where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned!~
blogs:http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and http://thevictorygardener.blogspot.com
magazine: www.stliving.net
etsy shops: http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com
and http://myvictorygarden.etsy.com |
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Lessie Louise
True Blue Farmgirl
1406 Posts
Carol
PECULIAR
MO
USA
1406 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 2:48:58 PM
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Tina, I love your little comment about chickens crossing the road!
Forget buns of steel, I'd rather have buns of cinnamon!
Farmgirl #680! |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 3:18:40 PM
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That is a cute idea, Tina. :) I should make that...maybe I could put it on a teeshirt and just wear it around? One in every color of the rainbow and a lovely skirt to go with it. :) Our Easter get togethers aren't at our house this weekend, they are at my in laws house and then my grandmas.
I'll get to work on that shirt. :)
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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delicia
True Blue Farmgirl
917 Posts
delicia
cincinnati
ohio
USA
917 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 3:57:48 PM
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Amy, Do not let a few of your family ruin your visit. You are happy with your life just be happy and if people are trying to bring you down do not let them. You never know what other people are going through and just feel sad for them that the only way they can be happy is by trying to tear others down. Do not let them do this to you. If it does happen maybe you could write a letter to whom ever in your family is doing this to you and let them know how hurtful it is and that you are happy with your life. God made us all different rejoice in that. I was told once that if I was not living on the edge I was taking up to much room. I will pray for you this weekend that you can relax and enjoy your family.
delicia |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 4:03:05 PM
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My brother & his wife of 36 years still drive old cars live in a big (needs work all the time) house. Raised 2 wonderful sons and never had a kitchen table to sit at only one to hold all the stuff she was canning. They have a tv with 2 channels that sometimes come in. They do have a couch that the dogs love and they sit in lounge chairs that are usually used outside. They are happy and I always said if it makes my brother happy it makes me happy. They spend all their free time helping others. They rarely complain. If you upset them then your just ignored. For the past 7 or 8 years they hold a party when the fair is in town the fair lasts 2 weeks and my brother makes sure the party lasts that long also. It's the only way some families can take their children to the fair as he has free parking and free food and his house is on the parade route. He has more friends than most and if anyone ever tried to put them down I wouldn't want to know them.
I would just tell your family your happy why can't you just be happy for me instead of trying to make me be someone I don't want to be. I'm happy are you? Then I would sit back and enjoy some ice tea.
Some things are just not worth worring about.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 5:14:05 PM
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Thanks again gals for all the uplifting words. You're all so awesome!! Sometimes we need a little reminder of why we are the way we are, and why we choose to live the way we live. Another thing my husband always says is, "If nothing else, seeing the way they are living will remind you why we chose NOT to live that way."
Delicia - I now have your quote about living on the edge by my computer. That's a good one. I think I'll put that one on a teeshirt too!!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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graciegreeneyes
True Blue Farmgirl
3107 Posts
Amy Grace
Rosalia
WA
USA
3107 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 7:43:07 PM
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Exactly!! What your husband said is so true - and that is something you can keep in the back of your mind while you are keeping the smile sort of pasted on:) I have to bite my tongue a lot around my in-laws, and holidays turn into stressdays sometimes too. But really, just look at the things you are teaching your kids, and the lessons that they are manifesting in themselves about the world and about being themselves. You are giving them such a gift!!
Amy Grace
Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without"
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theoanne
True Blue Farmgirl
282 Posts
teddie
CARROLLTON
GA
282 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2010 : 2:41:45 PM
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something my son taught me years ago when family did this to me was 'smile and nod' he says they are just trying to aggrevate you and if you smile and nod and walk off then they can't get to you. When they are making negative comments, you don't have to respond,just smile and nod. then walk off to talk to someone you enjoy. Maybe your kids or DH. we all have our diffucult people to deal with. Just remember when you get home you can come here to talk. :-)
TEDDIE
Sewing Forever, Housework Whenever
I have SABLE ( Stash Accumulating Beyond Life Expectancy) |
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KD Earthwork
True Blue Farmgirl
210 Posts
Katie
Gualala
Calif.
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 10:28:24 PM
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I don't think you can convince anyone with words or countering their opinions.Just listen alot and live what you believe.
I moved into a Tibetan Monastery when I was 24,1984.This was not common then.Now 25 years later they all admire what I do.
I live now off the grid on forty acres, we built our own house with lumber we milled, as we could afford it.Built gardens, chicken coops,
paid off our debts.My Dad actually brought my daughter home from college intending to stay a few days, he saw the place, turned green it was so far from his comprehension
stayed 15 minutes, took picture so it looked like he stayed longer.That hurt.But everyone else has eventually come around. Still comments about how they'll move in with us after the world ends.
It's hard sometimes, but I figure it sets a good example what else can I do for the world.Live what you believe.
Katie |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2010 : 07:04:51 AM
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Just do your best and be yourself. If you look in the Family section of this board, you'll see my posts about get-togethers with hubby's family and how I cope. I ignore the snotty ones and am pleasant with the pleasant ones. Actually, now it's starting to pay off in that the snotty ones know they can't pull my chain anymore.
Everyone else has said what I would have said.
Chin up!! 
For some 'venting'-type of entertainment, please read my blog, http://lostadventuresintrucking.blogspot.com .
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2010 : 3:28:15 PM
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Amy, my friend, I can't wait to get your letter so it will be "my turn" to write you...Wish I could give you a big hug!!!
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2010 : 4:58:53 PM
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So how did your weekend go, Amy? I hope it was great for you and your family and you had a wonderful time.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2010 : 5:23:44 PM
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You know, it turned out fine. Well, better than fine. There were a couple instances that were *really* cool.
1. We celebrated spring birthdays at my mother in laws Easter get together. She gave me honey!! In years past, she has given me things I would not generally use. I think she buys me stuff that she thinks is a "treat" because we "don't have a lot of money". But this year, she gave me honey that she got locally. And the best part was when she gave it to me, she said "Here is some honey for you. I know you like natural stuff, and this is raw...so I hope you like it." How cool that she went out and found me stuff that she knew I would like!! It really meant a lot to me, because I felt like "She knows how we live and she's not ignoring it anymore" and I know she went out of her way to find raw honey because it isn't normally something that would be on her radar.
2. At my grandma's get together, there is an uncle who has kids the same age as mine and he's always making really mean comments about homeschooling. Not to my kids, but to me when we get into conversations. Well, this time he was more than civil and it occurred to me, just by the questions he was asking, that his "meanness" before was really just his "wanting us to do the right thing" and when he asked us more in depth questions about how it all works and I was able to explain things, it was amazing his response. I think we've kind of made a truce on the homeschooling thing - and for that, I'm thankful.
So yes, it was a good weekend. I went with my poem in my purse and an open mind. Thanks ladies for all your thoughts and words of advice!!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2010 : 7:30:28 PM
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Amy, I am so happy you had such a great time. And good for your MIL too! Wow. That's a big thing she did. Big step in the right direction all around!
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2010 : 08:00:43 AM
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Amy I am so glad. Don't you love when it comes together?
I hope this opens the door to easier get togethers in the future.
Hugs.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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Across the Fence: A little tense over upcoming get-togethers |
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A little tense over upcoming get-togethers
