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Across the Fence:  ...sometimes I wish I wasn't me...  |
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Karrieann
True Blue Farmgirl
1900 Posts
Karrieann
Northeast
Georgia
USA
1900 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 31 2010 : 07:51:01 AM
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I know that I am who I am but there are times and times and times after that, I wish I wasn't!
I guess.. okay not guess, I am one of those sensitive soul. Many times, it benefit many others and that is wonderful because many people need someone like that in their life.
But when I dream or hope.. telling myself all along not to get my hopes too high all along.. those dreams and hopes get smashed flat. then my heart aches. At those times.. I end up destroying my "wishlist" for Christmas and anything else. Because I am tired of feeling this hurtful sadness and not wish or hope for things again.
Please don't worry of feel bad for me... I do survive. Just wish it didn't hurt so bad.
I must be growing older for this is the first time I ever vented about this.
Wish I could just learn NOT to do this to myself!!! ...over and over and over again and again.
Karrieann ~ Farmgirl Sister #766 (29 Sept 2009)
My Blog: ...following my heart, dreams and Jesus
...http://karrieann-followingmyheartandjesus.blogspot.com/
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2010 : 08:13:46 AM
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Been there. I am very sensitive. I want to fix everything and have everyone have everything perfect. I get stepped on all the time.
My hubby and I just had a argument this morning and he got nasty with me and I will hurt the rest of the day and most likely the rest of the weekend. But I will push it aside and act like everything is ok.
Do you every feel like you are banging you head? My teeth are getting sore from getting kicked in them. You know, everytime you do something and you are happy about it, someone comes along and kicks you in the teeth???
Prayers for you. Keep me in yours too.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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Karrieann
True Blue Farmgirl
1900 Posts
Karrieann
Northeast
Georgia
USA
1900 Posts |
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knitnpickinatune
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Sherrie
Gardena
California
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2010 : 08:31:39 AM
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Karrieann have you ever read "The Power of Intention" by Dr. Wayne Dyer?
I think you would get a lot out of it -very helpful book.
http://www.mandolinbabe.info
http://www.mandolinbabe.net
@MandolinChick on Twitter
mando pickin & fiddle sawin' Farmgirl #702 |
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Karrieann
True Blue Farmgirl
1900 Posts
Karrieann
Northeast
Georgia
USA
1900 Posts |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2010 : 11:36:06 AM
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Dear Karrieann! We all love you and are here to help eachother. I am sending you tons of hugs and prayers my friend!! love ya!
Hugs,
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Friendship is not something that can be bought, it is earned. |
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delicia
True Blue Farmgirl
917 Posts
delicia
cincinnati
ohio
USA
917 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2010 : 12:54:19 PM
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Karieann, Please feel better soon. Know that you are loved by many and do not let anyone take your dreams. It makes me sad to think of you without your dreams.
delicia |
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Merry
True Blue Farmgirl
765 Posts
Merry
Ankeny
Iowa
USA
765 Posts |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2010 : 2:12:38 PM
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I would bet you have at some time heard or read the Serenity Prayer. A very dear friend has let it help her though the pains and sad times in her life and shared it with me in my times of need. I don't know what your religious beliefs are but I believe that God is there for us. Your sensitive heart is a blessing to those who need you. Serenity is a beautiful word and concept but a very rare commodity.
God grant me the serenity...
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdome to know the difference...
Living ond day at a time,
Accepting hardships as the
pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this world as it is,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that he will make
all things right
If I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably
happy with Him,
forever in the next.
Reinhold Neibuhr, 1926
"You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd.....
But you can be happy if you've a mind to. All you've gotta do in knuckle down, buckle down and do it, do it, do it!" |
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Ga Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
2355 Posts
Karen
Meansville
Ga.
USA
2355 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 05:41:23 AM
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Karrieann, I think we all feel like you do at certain times just some more than others. I too am one who is very tenderhearted and many times my feelings get trampled on by friends and mostly family. For instance for birthdays or special occasions I always make sure hubby and kids get something on pretty much any occasion then on my b-day what do I get ...... nothing. Not even a handmade card. These kind of things hurt, but I try and keep going. God does pull me threw these tuff times and I praise him for it. So all that said to say I know how you are feeling and Im praying for you and sending big hugs your way! Blessings,Karen
Create in me a pure heart,O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalms 51:10
Farmgirl sister #1156
www.KKJD1.etsy.com
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 05:58:05 AM
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Karrieann You are in my thoughts and prayers. It seems like I get hurt alot because I'm always trying to keep peace. And some people can just be so ugly! But like Susan said, the Serenity Prayer has always been where I would go. It has gotten me through my toughest moments. Remember the Lord is with you always and go to him for guidance. And also know that all your farmgirl friends love you and are all right here for you! I do hope you can find some peace for all the disapointments.
Blessings, Brenda
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony" Mahatma Gandhi |
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CherryPie
True Blue Farmgirl
935 Posts
Kimberly Ann
Puyallup
WA
USA
935 Posts |
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gypsy goat
True Blue Farmgirl
673 Posts
mary jo
michigan
673 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 1:50:43 PM
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| so sorry you are having a hard time,sometimes life throws some really hard punches. but as a farmgirl we always find the resilence to pull ourselves by our bootstraps-and if we can't there are always fellow gals to help us . hope your day get brighter |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 3:25:06 PM
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How are you doing today Karrieann? I hope you are doing better. We love you deary and miss you lots!
Hugs,
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Friendship is not something that can be bought, it is earned. |
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Karrieann
True Blue Farmgirl
1900 Posts
Karrieann
Northeast
Georgia
USA
1900 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 4:17:28 PM
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I'm still down about a failed dream... but I have begun to move forward and accomplished something! Violet Jelly... 16 jars of 6 oz of them! They are BOOOOO TEAAAAA FULLLLL!
I am working on posting it on my blog.
I want to thank each and everyone of you girls... for being here for me.
I'm trying to think of a new direction for a new dream.
I dunno yet.
(((HUGS)))
Karrieann ~ Farmgirl Sister #766 (29 Sept 2009)
My Blog: ...following my heart, dreams and Jesus
...http://karrieann-followingmyheartandjesus.blogspot.com/
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 4:21:24 PM
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You will get your dream Karrieann or maybe get one beyond you dreams. Sometimes God says wait awhile.
Love ya!
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Friendship is not something that can be bought, it is earned. |
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Karrieann
True Blue Farmgirl
1900 Posts
Karrieann
Northeast
Georgia
USA
1900 Posts |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 4:47:23 PM
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Hugs!!
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Friendship is not something that can be bought, it is earned. |
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delicia
True Blue Farmgirl
917 Posts
delicia
cincinnati
ohio
USA
917 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 4:59:03 PM
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KarieAnn, I love your tea towels. I have looked for the violets to make your violet jelly but, have not seen any around here but, am going to continue my search. Sending you good vibes, hugs and what ever extra brain power I can muster that you find the perfect direction for your new dream.
delicia |
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Apr 01 2010 : 5:30:03 PM
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Karrieann,
I hope you are feeling better and I just wanted to add that hurt can actually be a good thing . . . if you use that as a spring board to say, "No siree Bob, you can't hold me down and move on." If you wallow in it, however, it can consume you and defeat future dreams. I am speaking from experience . . . own the hurt merely for the growth it can give you, but don't give it any strength to harm your future.
Hugs & Blessings,
Brenda
Come visit my blog at http.//www.pastblessings.blogspot.com |
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cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2349 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2349 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2010 : 06:06:23 AM
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Karrieann, I hope you feel better today and that your day will be filled with Blessings.
I think we all go through "seasons" in our lives. Each season brings new experiences, changes and wisdom.
I often think about the "what-ifs". and "what could've been". We, as women, have so many options and choices we can choose. We truly have the world before us and different roads to travel. Our lives can write many different stories. Most of the time, our choices and the story we choose involve other people. We make "sacrifices" but don't actually ever see them as sacrifices nor ever regret them.
I love the choices I've made....marriage, children, homeschooling, farming, etc.... But, what if I really would've made it to Broadway? What if I would've stayed working and climbed the promotional ladder? What if I got my master's or doctorate degree? What if I really did open a bookstore? What if I really did start a catering business? Am I using my education and intelligence to its fullest? Those are questions that run through my mind sometimes.
Again, Have a great day!
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
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barnagainkristin
True Blue Farmgirl
465 Posts
Kristin
Utah
USA
465 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2010 : 8:29:14 PM
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Karrieann,
Ouch! I hurt for you when I read your post. I have noticed that some people make known what they want and usually get it. At times I have felt bad when my dreams haven't come true but then I realize "Oh yeah, I never told anyone that was my dream." I don't look down on people who make known what they want in life but somehow it is hard for some people to do it. I remind myself at times that people aren't mind readers and I shouldn't be disappointed if I don't get what I want when I haven't told anyone about it.
Have you read "The Secret"? Parts of it were a little out there for me but some of it made a lot of sense. Just remember that you need to make your wishes known, even if it is in a little prayer. As other farmgirls have said sometimes when my dreams haven't come true even better things have happened later on. I am getting up there in my years but things are wonderful for me these days. I have had times in my life when I felt like I was Cinderella and not the Cinderella in the princess gown. Hope things get better for you!
Have you ever kept a gratitude journal? If not just try to write down 3 things each night that you are grateful for. It will help to get you feeling better about things and especially when you feel down just go back and read what you have written and maybe it will cheer you up.
Remember that lots of farmgirls care about you and if we can help your dreams come true in any way just let us know. So happy you told us about how you feel and hope someones idea makes things better.
barnagainkristin |
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barnagainkristin
True Blue Farmgirl
465 Posts
Kristin
Utah
USA
465 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2010 : 8:38:57 PM
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Karrieann,
One more thing...
The thoughts of your violet jam made me feel so happy. It sounds so dainty and delicous. I can't imagine how wonderful it must taste and how beautiful it must be. Wish they would get your recipe and share it with us all in a future farmgirl magazine. One of my favorite treats in the town I live in is a rose tart made with rose jam from a little tea shop I have been to. A violet tart sounds even better. Any farmgirl who makes violet jam is perfect in my eyes:)
barnagainkristin |
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Across the Fence: ...sometimes I wish I wasn't me... |
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...sometimes I wish I wasn't me...
